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If anyone had asked her, Julie would not have been able to put into words why she kept pursuing someone who was as oblivious to her advances as Verso was. Perhaps part of it was curiosity, to see what it would take for understanding to finally dawn in his eyes. Perhaps part of her liked the challenge.
There was something that drew her to him, though she couldn't say exactly what that was either. He was handsome, yes, but there were plenty of handsome men and women amongst their party. He was kind and considerate, even if she got a sense that he didn't show his full self to anyone but his father and his sister, and that the three of them had gone through something even more terrible during that first foray into the Continent than they had shared with anyone back in Lumière. He was proficient in combat, which certainly had its allure too.
Julie had often seen him and his sister together: walking side by side as the Expedition made their way across the treacherous territory, the two of them kneeling to inspect something one of them had pointed out, the girl falling asleep against his shoulder as they sat around the campfire at night and him letting his head rest on top of hers in a quiet gesture of affection. It was rather sweet, to see how much he cared about her, and the soft smile that often appeared on his face when he looked at Alicia added to his charm.
After their little adventure together, Julie had become more attached to Alicia than she had ever expected. Alicia, in turn, had taken a real shine to her — often waving her over to show her some interesting bit of vegetation or a rock Verso had pointed out. And so Julie often found herself in her brother's company too.
Her subtle and progressively less subtle flirtations didn't seem to be unwelcome in the slightest, though Verso did not seem to pick up on the interwoven double entendres and responded to her as if she was merely being friendly, to the great amusement of their fellow expeditioners. Julie bravely endured her friends' merciless teasing. Still, it was clear that they were rooting for her.
After one of the easier days during their trek across the Continent — few Nevron encounters, mostly flat terrain — they set up camp in a clearing near a lake that was so clear that you could see to the bottom in even the deepest parts. The tents were far enough apart to give everyone some measure of privacy but close enough that everyone would hear if someone raised the alarm.
Julie found Verso uncharacteristically alone, kneeling by one of the fires at the edge of the camp as he poked at the crackling logs with a stick. He looked lost in thought, his gaze focused on something only he could see.
"Where's your little shadow?" she asked.
Verso looked up and then smiled when he saw it was her. "With my father. He needed her for something."
"Hm-mm, then we both have a perfect opportunity to sneak away." Julie replied. "Let's go for a swim."
She saw the way his eyes lit up at the idea. Anything beyond a quick scrub with cold water had quickly proven to be a luxury on the Continent. After a long day of walking and fighting in the warm summer air, being able to fully submerge herself in the cool water of the lake had seemed so divine to her that she was ready to throw all caution into the wind.
"I do have some time before my watch starts…" Verso said.
"Perfect!" Julie said, and linked her arm with his.
They each grabbed a change of clothes and a towel before they walked to the lake shore together. On the way, they passed some of their fellow expeditioners who had clearly had the same thought and were now on their way back to camp with wet hair and a refreshed look about them.
The lake wasn't big or very deep — more of an oversized pond, really — but the water looked clean and smelled fresh.
Julie dropped everything into an unceremonious pile on the last patch of grass before the pebbled shore started and finally — finally! — started undoing the buttons on her shirt. She had left behind the outer layers of her uniform at her tent, so it wasn't long before the fabric fell away and she could feel the cooling evening air on her bare skin. Her trousers and boots and socks were next, quickly followed by her undergarments. The grass was a little prickly under her bare feet but she relished the feeling of freedom.
Next to her, the rustling of fabric fell silent. Julie looked over her shoulder to see Verso stilled in the middle of undoing the fastenings on his boots. His shirt was open, revealing a dusting of black chest hair and a body that was on the softer side with a hint of sinewy muscle underneath. He was looking at her, a spark of interest in his gaze as it traveled along the lines of her body. His face took on a hunted expression when he saw that she saw him looking, and he quickly averted his gaze, a little flush rising to his cheeks. When he peeked back at her face, she shot him a knowing look and her most dazzling smile, to which he responded with his own smile — clearly relieved that she didn't mind his attention.
To prevent herself from just grabbing him by the collar and kissing him until he was breathless, Julie turned away and headed towards the edge of the water. She could almost feel the weight of Verso's gaze on her back as she went. If anyone had accused her of swaying her hips a little bit more on purpose to draw his attention there then… well, then she was guilty as charged.
The water felt as divine on her skin as she had imagined it would. She waded in until it had come up to the tops of her thighs, and then let herself fall forward into a shallow dive.
Everything became muted as she breached the surface of the water. She opened her eyes to find an entirely different world opening up in front of her. The light filtering through the moving surface danced across the pebbles at the bottom of the lake. There were scatterings of larger rocks here and there, most of them at the foot of gently waving aquatic plants, their rhythm disturbed by her movements. Small silvery fish darted all around, almost too fast for the human eye to follow.
A sense of peace filled her while she floated freely. There were no Nevrons here — none that had made themselves known, at least — and no hard, days-long march, no burning sun or gusting winds, no city ripped apart by an unknowable calamity. It made her almost loath to return to the world above, wishing to be able to remain here forever, though her lack of gills made this an unfortunate impossibility.
As Julie came up for air, she smoothed her hair back and blinked the water out of her eyes to see that Verso had made his way into the lake, too. He followed her example and dove forward once he had gotten in deep enough. She could see him, the shape of his body warped by the rippling water but still recognizable enough to follow him with her gaze.
He surfaced near her. They were in deep enough that the water came up to their shoulders if they stood on the smooth pebbles that coated the lake bottom.
Little rivulets of water ran down Verso's face as he pushed his hair away from his forehead, the white locks blurring together with the black. Several droplets halted in their descend on his neck, on his lips, and Julie found herself wanting to lap them up, to taste his skin and discover what sound he would make if she did. These thoughts must have filtered through to her expression and the look in her eyes, because Verso shifted under the intensity of it, his mouth falling open just a tiny bit. He didn't look away though.
"This is nice." he said, clearly talking more to fill the deliciously tense silence between them than to really convey anything.
Julie was sure that if she reached out to touch him, to pull him in, or brought herself close enough to kiss him, he would welcome it with open arms. But now that she had finally made him understand, she didn't want this phase of their dance to end just yet. She enjoyed it — the tension, that way he looked at her, the silent messages they were sending each other.
So, she pushed off of the pebbles and gestured for him to come along. He did.
They swam across the lake towards the other shore, though they didn't risk actually getting up out of the water. On their way back, they spent a while diving to the bottom and retrieving smooth rocks that had interesting shapes or colors. Once they had made their way back to shallower waters and tossed the best pebbles — a little gift for Alicia — on the shore near their clothes, Julie settled on a large flat rock so she could soak comfortably for a little while longer. Verso picked his way through the pebbles nearby and tossed a few more towards the others they had saved before he joined her.
They didn't speak for a while. The air was filled with the sound of the gently rippling water, the buzz of insects and the rustle of the nearby trees, as well as the distant sounds of human life in the camp.
Julie looked at her silent companion. Verso had that far-off look on his face again. He stared out across the lake, his features bathed in a golden light by the slowly descending sun.
"Tell me what you're thinking about." she said.
He blinked and met her gaze only for a moment before he looked away again, almost as if he was ashamed. "I'm worried about my mother." A spasm of pain passed over his face, as if he was pressing on a fresh wound when he added, "And I miss my sister."
Julie took hold of his hand. She hadn't known Clea personally but she had heard about her, about how she and Renoir had been the only reason a search and rescue effort had even been organized. And then Clea, this driven and headstrong woman, had lost her life in one way or another, along with all but a few of the other expeditioners. It seemed an unfair, cruel fate for someone like her.
Julie thought of her own family back on the island of Lumière, her cousins and the aunt and uncle who had raised her. They had been furious with her for volunteering to go on this second wave of the Search and Rescue mission when the first had had only three survivors. She had understood why but she hadn't let it dissuade her, because she wasn't going for them or for herself anyway. Even if there were still people alive in the old Lumière, there would be no more family waiting for her there. Those who hadn't been dead already before the Fracture had been killed during the violence of that calamity or succumbed from their injuries shortly after. She tried not to think about the magnitude of her loss too much, lest the hollow feeling inside of her chest threaten to consume her.
"I will do everything in my power to help you find your mother." she said, managing to keep her voice from breaking.
There was nothing she could do to get back those she had lost, but she at least had to try to help him and others like him back in their Lumière who might still have their loved ones out there.
"I know." he said, voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you."
Before she could think better of it, Julie pulled Verso into an embrace that she sensed he needed just as much as she did. He wrapped his arms around her tight, clung to her as desperately as a man drowning. He was her anchor, too, in a way — crushing her back into her body when she felt all floaty and distant from herself with her own grief.
Julie closed her eyes and focused on her other senses, trying to clear her head that way. The skin of Verso's shoulder was slick yet warm under her cheek. The weight of his head rested on her own shoulder, his breath ghosting across her skin in soft little puffs. His chest was pressed against hers, solid and real. The contact was intimate, the press of skin against skin the closest she had ever been to him. She mostly smelled him, wet hair and skin and his natural scent beneath, but there was the scent of summer filling the air — warm earth, grass, flowers and plants.
When Verso eventually shifted back, Julie lifted her head to look at him. He was still so close that their noses nearly touched. The way he looked at her, his emotions on display in a way that was so raw and vulnerable, made her want to answer in a way that couldn't be done with words. She leaned in and brushed her mouth against his cheekbone. He said nothing, only let out the tiniest of sighs.
With no hint of him moving away, she slid a hand up his neck, curling her fingers into the hair at the nape, and kissed his cheek with more intention and conviction this time. She felt his hands on her too — one cupping her left elbow, the other resting on her back just below the surface of the water. He didn't pull her closer but he did hold her there, angling his face just the slightest bit so she had easier access.
Emboldened by this clear encouragement, she left a trail of kisses along his cheek until she reached his mouth, enjoying the tickle of his beard against her chin as she did so. The kiss — their first kiss, which she had imagined many times in plenty of different ways — was very different from any that had lived in her fantasies. It was a brief, almost chaste press of her lips against his. There was no urgency behind it. Anything like that didn't fit her mood. Or his, for that matter.
Verso's eyes were still closed when Julie pulled back. He blinked slowly, as if waking from a dream, as if he couldn't quite believe she was really here with him.
"Was that alright?" she asked.
"Better than alright." he said, a smile breaking through his still slightly somber expression like the sun did through clouds. Then, a little reluctantly, he added, "I should go. My watch starts soon."
She nodded. Having to separate now was disappointing, but perhaps they could pick up where they left off later.
They waded to the shore together, close to each other but not quite touching. No words were exchanged as they dried off and got dressed, but plenty of glances were. Julie scooped up the stones they had gathered for Alicia, intent on giving them to the girl as soon as she had found her, and slipped them into one of her pockets for now.
And then there they were, looking at each other — hair still damp and dripping onto their fresh clothes. Verso looked like he wanted to say something but didn't quite know what or how. After a beat, Julie leaned in to whisper in his ear, even though they were completely alone, just for the pleasure of seeing goosebumps raise where her breath caressed his neck.
"Come to my tent when you're done?" she asked.
His reply was more breath than sound. "Yes."
Back at camp, it didn't take Julie long to find Alicia. She was sitting by one of the fires with her father. The empty bowls set on the ground beside them showed that the two of them had just finished their dinner.
Alicia's single blue eye lit up when she saw Julie approach. She gave a little wave, and quickly moved the bowls so there was space to sit next to her.
Julie grabbed her own bowl of the stew that had been prepared and was still bubbling away over the campfire. It smelled delicious. Some of her fellow expeditioners could truly perform miracles with the rations they carried with them.
"Commander." Julie said with a nod at the Dessendre patriarch once she had gotten within earshot.
Renoir just nodded back at her in acknowledgement without saying anything.
Julie never could get a bead on the man. It was obvious that he cared very much for his children and that he wanted to get to Lumière, but he was rather closed off otherwise. She wasn't even sure whether he liked her or not. Not that she really cared either way — she wasn't here to make friends with him. He was her commander, nothing more, even if he was the father of the man she fancied and of the girl whose friendship she valued.
Alicia was a walking contradiction in many ways. She was still a girl — a short and slight one at that — and yet her skills in combat made her more than the equal of any of the adults around her. It was clear that she had suffered so much in her short life, as evidenced by her scars — and her white hair and gray skin, the latter of which seemed to be a more recent development — but there was still an innocence to her. She preferred to stay in the background and clearly felt uncomfortable when people looked at her, though she never seemed to mind it when Julie did.
Julie sat down next to Alicia and smiled when the girl made a gesture with her hands that meant a greeting. It was one of a few that she used often. This silent manner of communication had proven useful more than once on this dangerous journey.
"Hi Cici." Julie said. "I haven't seen much of you today. You're doing well?"
Alicia nodded, the corners of her mouth quirking up as she gave a small smile, before she pointed at Julie with a clear question in her gaze.
"Just fine, thank you." Julie replied, and raised the first spoonful of her overdue dinner to her mouth. She hadn't even realized how hungry she actually was. It was delicious, as always.
While she ate her fill, the two of them chatted about little things, with a few gestures and mostly words drawn into the sandy ground or on Julie's palm on Alicia's part: the terrain and the views they could expect coming up in the next couple of days, Alicia's count of Nevrons killed that day (five more than Julie), how nice the swim in the lake had been.
Speaking about the lake reminded Julie of the gifts she carried with her. She made a show of handing over the handful of rocks. All of them had been selected for their unusual shape or color or pattern. There was even a smooth and flat one in the shape of a slightly lopsided heart, which wouldn't look out of place on a necklace.
Alicia looked like she had been given the most valueable treasure in the world. She held up each one in the firelight, showed them to her father, who looked with mild interest. When she held up the heart-shaped stone, she looked oddly bashful and quickly moved on to the next one. It was clear that the gift was a grand success.
To reciprocate, Alicia pulled out her journal and showed Julie the various flowers she had collected and was currently pressing and drying between the pages. Most of them were blooms that Julie had never seen before, and they were beautiful. Had these existed before the Fracture? Or were they created as a result of it, along with the strange environs they grew in?
Julie spent a little while longer with Alicia, playing a couple of card games with her by the light of the setting sun. Alicia started to rub her eye and nod off during the last round, so Julie packed up the cards as soon as they were finished and returned them to the expeditioner she had borrowed them from. She turned back to see Alicia tucking herself against her father's side, blinking slowly as if she was still trying to fight off sleep. It clearly was a losing battle.
There was never a moment that Alicia had looked well-rested in the time Julie had truly known her. The gray cast over her skin hid the dark circles a bit, but not entirely. She seemed to sleep much but not well, always running on fumes.
Renoir wrapped an arm around his daughter in a manner so like a bird putting a protective wing over its chick that it made Julie smile. He met her gaze. A look of understanding passed between them. She got a sense that he was reappraising her. He nodded at her again, which she reciprocated, and then he turned away to look at the campfire.
She took that as her cue to leave.
Darkness had fully settled over the camp by the time Julie found herself back at her tent. She had done her usual rounds, checking up on her friends, making sure everyone was still as hale and hearty as the last time she had seen them. No one knew what tomorrow might bring.
She dimmed the little light she had summoned just a bit when she entered her tent, so the inside was lit by the equivalent of a candle flame. It floated overhead as she undressed and put on her nightshirt.
Back in Lumière before the Fracture, she would have put on her prettiest outfit and her nicest undergarments and a dab of perfume and dolled herself up a little, maybe even tried a more elaborate hairstyle, if she intended to spend an evening with someone she liked. Here, she had none of those things, so she settled for combing her hair until it was free of tangles and brushing her teeth thoroughly.
And then there was nothing but to wait. She suspected Verso wouldn't be long, so she spent a little while recording her thoughts in her journal, before she made herself comfortable on her bedroll and dozed as she waited. The little light remained on so she wouldn't actually fall asleep.
"Julie?" came a whisper from just on the other side of the canvas.
"Yes, come in." Julie said, as she pushed herself upright.
The flap was pulled aside and there Verso was. He was dressed simply, only in his trousers and white shirt and boots. Julie didn't mind this at all. The less layers she would have to take off of him, the better.
"Hi." she said.
"Hi." He smiled at her, an undercurrent of nervous excitement in his expression, and then divested himself of his boots. He set them down next to hers. It looked like they belonged there.
Julie put aside that thought for now and beckoned him over. Verso sat down on the bedroll, close enough for his knee to brush against hers.
"I would offer you something to drink but all I have is water." Julie said, suddenly quite aware of what a poor host she was being. Perhaps she could have ransacked Louise's stash before he came here. She hadn't even thought about it.
Verso loosened a small flask from his belt with a rather triumphant look on his face. "Worry not. I came prepared."
Julie sniffed the opened flask when he offered it to her. Red wine. It had been some time since she had partaken. She took a small sip to start off with. The taste surprised her, full and rich. Was this what a good vintage tasted like? It was nothing like the cheap stuff she was used to. She gave the flask back to him and he took a sip as well. The way he looked at her, it was clear that he was savoring more than the taste of the wine.
They took turns taking a drink from the flask, eyeing each other and giggling over nothing all the while. Julie doubted there was much more than one or two glasses worth of wine in there, so it wasn't long before they had emptied it out.
And just as the flask had run dry, so had the well of her patience.
Julie grasped the collar of Verso's shirt and pulled herself toward him, giving him a chance to tell her to slow down, and closed the last little distance to kiss him when he didn't. His lips were just a plush as they had been the first time she had kissed him, but warmer now, more alive. He kissed her back, tentatively at first, quickly growing in confidence when she buried her fingers into his hair and tugged him closer.
When they broke apart for air, she took the opportunity to settle in his lap, her knees bracketing his hips. Her night shirt rode up to the tops of her thighs as she did so. Julie longed to feel the warmth of his bare skin against hers there instead of the fabric of his trousers.
Verso looked up at her as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. His hands came to rest on her waist but he didn't move otherwise, clearly waiting to see what she would do next.
Julie didn't mind taking charge — liked it, in fact. She kissed him again and ran her hands over the front of his shirt until she found the little buttons holding it closed. Slowly — teasingly — she started undoing them, breaking away and leaning down to pepper kisses on his neck and along the skin that was revealed when she was able to push the fabric back. He very helpfully shrugged his shirt off the rest of the way when she dragged it down his shoulders.
"Help me take this off?" she asked, plucking at the lower hem of her nightshirt.
He nodded, eager to do as she asked, and she raised her arms so he could easily lift the garment over her head. A shiver of arousal ran through her at the way she saw him looking at her when the fabric fell away to reveal she wasn't wearing anything underneath. There was a hunger in his gaze, mixed with something like awe, as he took her in. His hands landed back on her waist once he had tossed aside her nightshirt, his palms warm and a little damp with sweat against her skin.
Indulging herself for a moment, she ran her fingers through his chest hair as she had longed to do when she had first seen it. Then, she put one of her hands on the center of his chest and gently but firmly pushed. He let himself fall back. She followed him, planting her hands on either side of his head so she could look down at him.
"Is this alright?" Julie asked.
"Yes." Verso whispered.
She smiled at him and lowered herself down further until her chest was pressed to his. The contact felt so different now that they were both warm and dry. His hands began their slow exploration of her back and her thighs. Their lips met again.
Julie couldn't remember ever taking her time this much with a lover. Her own impatience had resulted in her previous trysts being as quick as they were passionate. By now, her partner was usually several fingers deep inside of her, or they had already finished the first round. But she sensed that Verso needed this, the slow build-up to something more intense, so she reigned herself in and tried to match his pace.
They kissed. They explored each other's bodies with light touches at first, growing bolder and bolder as they got used to each other. They slowly rocked their hips together. They laughed about nothing in particular, just the joy of mutual pleasure.
Afterwards, they lay tangled together on her bedroll, sweat cooling on their bodies. Julie smiled as Verso settled his head against her chest, and she brought up her hands so she could card her fingers through his hair. Their lovemaking had been far from perfect but it had been fun, learning what he liked and how he ticked.
She felt him nod when she murmured for him to stay the night. With the comfortable, solid presence of his body against hers, and the knowledge that he would still be here the next morning, it didn't take long for sleep to find her.
It was a little past dawn when Julie woke to the sounds of the usual morning activity outside her tent. Verso was no longer on the still-warm spot next to her. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and saw that he was already half-dressed, just starting to button up his shirt.
"Good morning." she murmured.
He looked up and smiled. "Good morning. I tried to wake you but you were out like a light."
That did sound like her. Julie groaned softly as she stretched, which was accompanied by a series of satisfying pops and a subsequent feeling of relief. A little reluctantly, she got out from under the warm blanket. Even the air inside the tent had gotten crisp and cool in the night. She didn't take it for granted, enjoyed it while it lasted. The sun would soon start to bake the land and have them all sweating and longing for rain.
Verso snuck appreciative glances at her decreasingly nude form as Julie got dressed. If she had her way, it wouldn't be long before he saw it again. She liked that his interest seemed only to have increased. She felt the same way.
When she had all the essentials covered, he pushed aside the tent flap so he could leave and go pack up his own tent and belongings for the day's march ahead. Gray light tinged with orange poured into the dim space.
Verso froze for a moment. Julie looked up to see that Alicia sat on a boulder a short distance away from the tent, a well-used and dog-eared novel in hand. The girl looked up from the pages at the sound of the canvas rustling. Surprise was plainly visible in her singular, pale gaze as it traveled between Julie and her brother, back and forth, as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
Julie thought she saw something like disappointment — heartbreak even — flash across Alicia's expression when their gazes met just a moment before Verso let the tent flap fall closed behind him. Was she worried Julie would now spend all her time with Verso and none with her? That would be an unfounded fear, of course, and Julie decided that she would reassure the girl of this once they got a moment alone.
As she started packing her things up, Julie couldn't stop thinking about Verso, who she could hear talking to his sister outside. Whatever had blossomed between them was still fragile and new, and yet thoughts about the future crept into her mind. Thoughts about what they would do after this Expedition. Thoughts about this becoming something more long-term than two people seeking comfort in each other in a difficult time.
In spite of all she had lost, and of the uncertainty and danger of the journey ahead, she allowed herself these idle fantasies.
They would never come to pass: she would die by his hand before the month was over.