Chapter Text
α
Ah, Wednesday nights.
For most people, Wednesday was nothing special, too far away from the weekend to cheer one up. For Jinsol, though, it was a sacred day. She didn't have to work on Thursdays, so she always treated herself whenever she came home from work, happy to be able to sleep to her heart's desire the next day. She'd watch a movie, maybe pop open a bottle of wine, do some skincare if she had the energy to, and just laze around without thinking about her job, or her loneliness, or the fact that she was already thirty and didn't have a mate yet. She'd brush it all off, eat chocolate, jerk off and sleep like a baby under her weighted blanket.
Jinsol was already in her robe, her usual attire for Wednesdays, when she heard her phone ringing, the personalized ringtone immediately bringing a smile to her face. She laid on her bed, wanting to chat a little with one of her best friends after not seeing her all week.
“Hey, unnie—”
“S-sol-ah.”
She heard Haewon’s frail voice through the phone, spent and trembling. Feeling her heart race in despair, she sat up, worried. She had never even seen Haewon crying before.
“Unnie, what happened? Are you hurt?”
“No, it’s Lily…” She heard the older girl sob, Jinsol's heart shattering into a million pieces. “She's in heat and… I-I can't help her.”
“What do you mean?” She frowns, clutching her robe. “Are you not home? Is she okay?”
“I’m— I am home. It's just… Sol-ah, I could never satisfy her needs. Every time she's in heat I try my hardest to take her pain away, but it's like the older we get, the less it works. When we were younger, it seemed to do the job, but now… it's like I didn't even do anything.” Jinsol hears her voice and knows that Haewon's face must be filled with tears at this point, tempted to throw everything away just to wipe her face and lend her shoulder for her to cry on. “She needs to be knotted, Jinsol. She's never been knotted in her entire life, I've always been her only girlfriend and her doctor says that—” She's interrupted by one of her own hiccups. “That, as a beta, there's nothing much I can do. That I can just do my best to make her feel safe and to provide for her other needs. This is so humiliating, I f-feel so useless—”
“Unnie, don't say that.” Jinsol intervenes, her voice soft. “Lily loves you. She needs you more than anything—”
“I know that. God, I love her more than anything in the world. It's just so painful to hear her cries because I know it hurts. It hurts and no matter what I do I can't stop her pain.” Her voice quiets down once more and Jinsol sighs, biting her lower lip.
“I'm so sorry, unnie. I wish there was something you could do.”
A moment of silence passes between them, both not really knowing what to say, Jinsol trying her best to comfort her by her mere presence at the other side of the line, but frustrated to not know how to help her friends.
“There's…” Haewon starts, cautious. “There's something you could do.”
“M-me?” Jinsol stutters, her mind blank. “What could I possibly…” Her voice dies when she realizes what the beta was suggesting, panicking immediately and shaking her head with fervor even if Haewon couldn't see her. “Absolutely not, Haewon! I could never do that, oh my god!”
“Jinsol, please!” She begs, trying not to raise her voice too much to not disturb Lily. “I don't know what else to do, I just want her pain to stop and you're the only alpha I trust enough to do this!”
“Haewon unnie…” Jinsol whines, apprehensive. She lets her body fall back on the bed, a migraine already making its way to her head. “Do you even hear yourself?”
“Jinsol.” Haewon’s voice hardens, the words coming out of her mouth harshly, almost as if it hurt to say it. “Please, I am begging you. I need you to help my wife. I need you to knot Lily.” She softens at the end, fearful. “I’m sorry to thrust this upon you like this, but I don't know how much more she can handle… Please.”
Squeezing her eyes, she curses herself for the way her body reacts to her words, blood running wild inside her veins, eager to swell all the wrong parts of her body. Jinsol takes a deep breath, knowing that she will probably regret this for the rest of her life.
“Alright.” She whispers, sitting up. “I'll be there as soon as I can.”
“I can't thank you enough, Jinsol.” Haewon cries, relieved. “I love you so much, fuck.”
“I love you too, unnie.” She smiles, her heart aching with the exchange. “Don't leave her alone, okay?”
“Of course. Drive safely.”
She sits there for a few minutes after the call ends, still in shock, not really believing what she just agreed to do. She knows this is a serious matter, she has heard of omegas that got into serious trouble after not being knotted in a long time, some having hormonal issues, aggravated pain, some even being hospitalized after going through visceral, violent heats. Lily was just too special for her not to care, but knotting her is something that she never thought she'd have to do someday.
Not that she didn't imagine it, though. She wasn't proud of it, but for her, as time passed, it was inevitable. Lily and Haewon were her best friends and the ones she had the most contact with regularly, always planning movie nights and trips together, so much that the alpha started to imagine how it would be if the three of them could ever be together together. She never acted on it, of course, but she couldn't help it, not when her heart pulsed wildly at the sight of the couple, not when she'd touch herself while sniffing Haewon’s hoodie that she lended Jinsol in the middle of the night, not when she'd melt and feel butterflies in her chest whenever Lily caressed her hair when she'd lay at her soft, milky thighs.
She tried to move on from them, going on blind dates, getting on two different dating apps and spending weekends with one night stands. She didn't even limit herself to omegas, having had her fair share of intimacy with both betas and alphas, but it just wouldn't do. She'd imagine Haewon's sturdy hands were the ones on her body and would cum too quickly inside someone who she'd imagine to be Lily. It was shameful and so, so good.
She gave up after a while, deciding that this was it. She loved them and couldn't have them, but she'd manage, it wasn't going to kill her. She just needed to keep her heart to herself and to try to be the best friend she could ever be. And apparently that included… knotting Lily.
Fuck!
Jinsol bangs her head against the steering wheel, dizzy just thinking about it. She'd never been around Lily in heat before and she was worried she'd disrespect Haewon if she got too much in her alpha headspace. She had to keep it together if she wanted to not let this fuck up their friendship and she wasn't sure if she could manage to be stronger than her instincts.
She takes off with her car, arriving at their house fifteen minutes later — not before passing on a drug store to buy scent suppressants and condoms, as well as electrolyzed drinks for the three of them; she didn't know now how it was going to go down, but she sure as hell didn't want to be unprepared. She rips open one of the packets inside the scent suppressant box, making quick work as she positioned one adhesive at each side of her neck, right below the scent glands. That should do.
She takes the plastic bag and her keys, holding them in her hands, sitting there. She can do this. Lily needs her. Haewon needs her. They both do. She bounces her knee for a few seconds before she can finally open the car door. It's time.
β
“Lily-nim, from the results of your tests…” The doctor pauses, flipping a page. “I'm afraid there's not much more we can do.”
“What do you mean, doctor Cho?” Haewon asks, feeling Lily's faint squeeze around her hand.
“It seems that, from your genetic heritage, there's barely any beta genes, if any at all. You’re a pure omega, Lily-nim. I mean, 86% omega genetic make-up? That's the highest percentage I've ever seen in my whole career.” He sighs, letting the papers aside for a bit. “That explains why all of our efforts to fool your biology into thinking its needs were being met ended up in failure. Your endocrine system is simply too refined for that.”
“Well, can't say it doesn't make sense. My family is awfully eugenicist.” She lets out before she can hold her tongue, laughing embarrassedly at the way her doctor gasps at that. “Don't worry, I don't share the sentiment at all! They’re just too old fashioned for their own good, but I never agreed with their opinions on that. Besides! I love my wife.” Lily looks over to Haewon, smiling softly as the beta caresses her hand with the pad of her thumb.
“So… Is there? Anything we could do at all?” Haewon asks hopefully, slowly deflating as she sees the doctor's mouth morphing into a thin line. “Oh.”
“Yes, but it doesn't mean it has to be bad.” He tries to sound hopeful, taking his glasses off. “As it is, you have two options. Well, three, but one of them is more prejudicial than anything. One,” He holds up a finger. “Here at the clinic, we partner with a couple of safe-alpha institutions. They hire and train federally qualified service alphas to aid omegas that are in situations such as yours. It is purely medical, no feelings, pheromones or claims involved. You're also protected by the institution in case one of their workers does anything at all that goes against the protocol or against what you wanted from them, and they vow to compensate you financially in case any of the process is uncomfortable or bad for you in any way.”
“That… sounds like a lot.” Lily breathes out, eyes looking down. “And… the other option?”
“Find an alpha friend, one of your trust. Let them know of your situation and ask for their help. Most people prefer this option, of course, mating is deeply intimate and the familiarity can help you go through your heat in a safer and calmer environment.” The doctor looks at the both of them as they exchange a knowing glance at each other. “The third option is to keep things as they are, which could lead to catastrophic results. I must advise, not doing anything to help your endocrine and reproductive system will continue to atrophy those systems, and it is not far fetched to say that the result of that would end in the increase of pain and even, in the future, the increase of the production of carcinogenic cells.” The doctor explains, pensively. “Please consider everything we've discussed today. I'll ask the receptionist to give you the contact info of the institutions I told you about.”
“That…” Lily pauses, face flushing even if her calm expression was maintained. “Won't be necessary.”
“Very well.” He grabs a few prescription papers, starting to write down one of them. “I'm prescribing you a different brand of contraceptives, in case you do have relations with an alpha. Does that sound good?”
Lily looks at Haewon and she recognizes the act as a question for her. She smiles, bringing their hands up to her lips and pecking the back of the omega’s hand. Haewon didn't consider her own feelings on the matter for even a second, her brain going at a thousand miles per hour, brainstorming all the different ways they could take care of her omega. She'd do and agree to anything Lily needed. But of course, if she wouldn't consider her feelings, rest assured, Lily would do it for her. Haewon gently nods, addressing the doctor.
“Sounds good.”
Haewon takes a deep breath, letting her forehead rest against the cupboard with a thud. She had calmed down considerably since talking to Jinsol, but that didn’t mean her mind wasn’t still a jumbled mess of emotions.
Ever since she was around 14, she was convinced she was going to differentiate into an alpha. She was strong, athletic, reliable and knew how to command the room with few words. Besides the parts for the job, of course. Haewon knew it wasn’t a guarantee but, oh well, it was rare for a beta female to be born with male genitalia. That’s why, when she first started dating Lily, her high school sweetheart and an already differentiated omega, she didn’t worry too much about it.
Until her 19th birthday.
Haewon hadn’t differentiated yet, but her mind was in other places. She was recently assigned with the position of captain of the volleyball team of her university, had a part time job at a construction site, had her first finals coming up at uni and, besides that, had a very sweet girlfriend she would much rather spend her free time with than worrying about her late-bloomer tendencies.
Except her family didn’t agree with the theory that she was a late bloomer at all and, after a few months of (gentle) convincing from their part, Haewon agreed to take some blood tests to see if everything is in order.
That day, her team had won a friendly match against Yonsei, then she went out to eat at her favorite restaurant with her family and Lily, which was followed by a whole afternoon of tender sex with her girlfriend at her place. Then, at six pm, after showering, she decided to check her emails to see if her professor had sent her the confirmation that his next class was cancelled, however, instead of that, she had received the results of her tests from the clinic. Initially, she didn’t really understand what all of those words and percentages meant but, as she searched, it quickly became clear what they were meant to say.
You are not an Alpha.
Not an omega.
You did not differentiate.
You will not differentiate.
She started hyperventilating before she could even register her girlfriend freshly out of the shower, now coming to sit by her side on the couch, gently asking what’s wrong.
“Will you leave me?” The words came out with fresh tears before she could even explain what she’d learned. Despite that, despite having absolutely no fucking idea of what was going on, Lily gazed deep into her eyes and whispered, with certainty:
“Never.”
Haewon didn’t know what would be of her life from that point onwards, but she knew damn well, from that moment, she would never let go of Lily. That night, she hugged her with every last bit of strength she had in her and let herself crumble in her arms, knowing everything would be fine as long as she had Lily with her. And, surprisingly, everything was kind of fine. She eventually learned to love herself once more, gradually getting used to what it meant to be a beta over the years. Or so she thought, at least.
Now, 12 years later, she was faced, again, with the fact that she still wasn’t 100% fine with that.
Lifting her head up, she goes to the fridge and takes a bottle of water to drink, trying to ground herself with the cooling sensation. Everything was just happening too fast.
Lily's heat wasn't supposed to come for another three weeks, but with the irregularities in her endocrine system it shouldn't be a surprise that it decided to go off schedule. Fuck. They really should've thought about that possibility.
They did kind of have a plan. Next weekend, they were going to invite Jinsol to stay over and make her dinner, open a bottle of wine – maybe seduce her a little – and talk it out, be honest and try to secure the alpha for Lily's next heat, maybe a few more later if needed. Maybe a test drive. Maybe more. But it would be light, measured, calm. Not this.
She takes a deep breath, putting her bottle away and making her way to the living room to wait for Jinsol. Haewon drops on the couch sprawling her limbs out, defeated. They didn't even have the time to properly discuss what she meant to them besides a quick “I'd trust her to do it to me” and “I'd trust her to do it to you” in the discussion they had after the appointment. She wanted to say much more than that.
She knew she was attracted to Jinsol. Shamefully so. She had never felt attracted to an alpha before she met Jinsol and, since she was with Lily, she had never really had a reason to even question the possibility. But, being around Jinsol as much as they were, she believes that she didn't have much of a choice, not when she's so easy to love.
Haewon smiles fondly every time they recall the memory of the first time they met her. It was Jinsol’s first day working at a street market they were regulars at, stuttering over her words as soon as she set her eyes on them. It was deeply endearing to see an alpha in such position and, when Lily saw the carefree way Haewon, a self-proclaimed alpha hater — definitely some internalized trauma there, but she tried not to think too much about it right now—, laughed at the way she mispronounced Lily’s name, she knew there was something special about the girl.
It took them a couple of weeks to finally ask her to hang out and, after that, everything was just so easy. The friendship that blossomed between them was organic, serene, patient and steady even with all the changes they went through over the years. And it was like that because they tried, they kept learning.
Jinsol kept adapting, learning how to let others take the lead, how to let herself enjoy it, and how to be there for other people in the small things too. Haewon, despite having some anger problems, never let that get in between the three of them, on the contrary, was always finding new reasons to keep her emotions in check and to be honest with the two people she cherished the most. Lily, in spite of all that was expected of her as an omega, let herself to be the dominant one of the relationship, often being responsible for the decision-making, as well as letting herself rely on both of them, knowing that it was out of love and trust, not obligation, and surely not predetermination.
Then, four years into their relationship, Haewon realized she was in love with Jinsol.
It wasn't messy as much as it was a dooming realization. She freaked out a little, yes, got twitchy for about two weeks around Jinsol and that was it. Haewon didn't let herself ruminate much more than that and decided to just take it as it was, pain, heartbreak and fluttering feelings all over. She couldn't act on it. She couldn't risk losing Jinsol and she sure as hell couldn't risk losing Lily. So, she tried to push her crush to the depths of her gut.
But sometimes, when she let herself dream too much, fly too close to the sun, she would let herself linger in the little moments. Glances, touches, caresses Jinsol would give her. It should freak her out, but she welcomed all it with guilty delight. She reciprocated, pulled Jinsol to sit on her lap and let her play with the strings of her hoodie.
She let it happen. Careful.
And she watched Lily.
Every sign, every glance their way, every expression, expecting to find betrayal, hurt, anything that would justify her guilt. Except she never did. Never once did Lily try to stop her or acted jealous around Jinsol, on the contrary, she fought Haewon to let go of Jinsol so that they would both cuddle her at the same time. She would always tell Haewon to make dinner for more than two people because she didn’t only expect Jinsol there, she wanted her there. She would recall fondly their memories with Jinsol after a long day away from the alpha, a soft, tentative smile on her lips as she did so. Haewon always smiled back. On nights like those, she would dream that maybe, one day, she could have it all. She could be greedy all she wanted.
And then, whenever she woke up, she sighed. ‘No, it’s too risky. I love Lily too much,’ she would repeat to herself, and if Lily noticed how much harder Haewon kissed her on those days, she never said anything.
The bell rings. One deep breath, then two. She closes her eyes. ‘Have your emotional turmoil later, she needs you now. They need you now.’
She gets up and, soon enough, she’s face to face with a rather dishevelled, very fragile-looking alpha at her doorstep.
“Unnie.” Jinsol immediately blurts out, before getting hit by the strong, syrupy and herby scent that had taken over the couple’s house. She freezes, trying not to take deep breaths, if any at all.
“Come here, baby.” Haewon picks up on what was happening, closing the door behind her and bringing the girl in for a hug, hoping that her neutral scent would be enough to make her calm down. As soon as Jinsol takes a whiff of her scent, she buries her nose against her neck, taking a deep breath. “Does this help?”
“Y-yeah.” Jinsol hugs Haewon’s midriff tightly, desperate. “I’m sorry I’m already like this. I-I just—”
“It’s okay. I must’ve scared you with that call. We—” Haewon feels her cheeks burn, but decides to keep going. “We have been trying to… deal with it since yesterday morning. Today, her heat is at a peak and I was just so, so tired and frustrated, and the worst thing was having the knowledge that it was certainly worse for Lily unnie. I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to call you like this, we were supposed to—” she cuts herself off, not knowing if it was appropriate to talk about it in the absence of Lily.
“Supposed to… what?” Jinsol asks, resting her cheek against the beta’s shoulder and looking vaguely to the ground, her heart acting weird by simple words she didn’t even know the meaning of.
“We better get to Lily.” Haewon softly pushes the alpha back, only enough to look at her in the face. “She took a soft suppressant, we should have some time to talk before anything happens. Does that sound manageable to you?”
Jinsol nods, “I might have to use you as a barrier between us, though. My pheromones are all over the place.” She looks down, embarrassed.
“That’s okay.” Haewon decides to not tease her about it for now, taking the girl by the hand and slowly guiding her towards their bedroom.
Alright. Now or never.