Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandoms:
Relationship:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:
2026-04-03
Updated:
2026-06-01
Words:
54,840
Chapters:
6/?
Comments:
1,109
Kudos:
5,608
Bookmarks:
1,422
Hits:
78,363

Jane Doe elected Prime WAG

Summary:

[Boss Babes]

Jessica:
I just had a revelation
So we know the following information about Jane right:
1. Rich
2. Famous (enough for us to ALL recognize her)
3. Powerful? (has contacts in NHL)
4. PUBLICALLY well-known supporter of the HABS (EW!) but born in Ottawa
5. Lives/spends a lot of time between Ottawa and Montreal
6. Extremely demanding job which involves lots of travel
7. Fluent in French/English
8. Would lose job, friends, and family amid massive public scandal if relationship with Rozanov was leaked

So far we've been stumped, no female celebs match that description
But what if we're looking in the wrong direction
Because I believe there's a MAN who fits the description to a T

Jane:
I don't like where this is going

Jessica:
What if (s)HE's actually…
JUSTIN TRUDEAU

- Jane has left the conversation -

Jessica:
I rest my case

The Boston WAGs and their investigations into the curious case of Rozanov's Jane Doe.

Notes:

Another WAG!Shane fic, there can never be too many :). This work is best viewed with the workskin on!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Prologue: Case open

Chapter Text

A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate

October 8th, 2014

Vanessa added Jane

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Hi Jane! Welcome to the Boston WAGs group chat 😊 17:38

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):We’re glad to have you! I'm sure I speak for all the girls when I say I’m excited to meet the lady who managed to tie down Rozanov👀 17:39

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I’m Vanessa, Cliff Marleu’s (#7) girlfriend 17:39

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):@everyone sound off! 17:40

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Welcome Jane! I’m Kate. I've been married to Connor Connors (#31) for 4 years now 17:42

Jane has left

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Nice to meet you! I’m Jessica, dating Victor St-Simon (#27) 17:42

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Aaand she’s gone 17:42

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Did we get the wrong number? 17:44

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Hold up let me call her 17:38

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It’s so weird, she’s not saying anything 17:50

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Are the calls not going through? 17:52

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
What do you mean? 17:52

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Like she’s being cagey about answering questions orrrr 17:39

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Is she not picking up 17:39

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
No! She’s picked up the call but It’s just like…silence on her end
17:50

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Like I just keep saying hello? Hello? And nothing 17:50

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): Wait I took a video 17:50

17:50

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846): sent a video Video transcript (27s):
[Video is a screen recording of a call with 1+(514) 993-1231]
Vanessa: Hello? Helloooo? Is this Jane?
-heavy panicked breathing can be heard in background- 17:50

Reactions: 💀❓2

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
That’s so weird, maybe she’s got an issue with her speaker? 17:52

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Is that her or you hyperventilating? 17:52

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Who is this girl??? 17:52

~Jessica (+617-905-9910): Omg what if she’s a ghost? 17:53

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):👻 17:55

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Huhh? 17:56

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I don’t know! The videos are giving me spooky vibes. 17:57

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Or maybe 17:56

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Hear me out 17:56

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Maybe her mic's broken 17:56

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ugh boooo that's so boring 17:57

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oh! 18:05

Vanessa sent an image: 18:06

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):BITCH BLOCKED ME??? 18:06

Reactions: 😮3

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Maybe Cliff got the wrong number? 18:10

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Wait that message is lowkey so creepy 18:11

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Chills 18:11

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Hang on, he gets out of practice soon, I’ll check when I pick him up. 18:15

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Ok so Cliff says it’s def the right number. 18:35

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Rozanov like copied and pasted it directly over 17:66

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Want me to try texting her? 18:40

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Since ur blocked 18:40

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Nah it’s cool 18:42

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Cliffs letting me borrow his phone to do it 18:42

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
I don’t know about this guys. Maybe we should just leave her alone. 18:45

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Hell nah! 18:46

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Nah, let’s see where it goes 18:46

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I wanna see if she’s a ghostttttt 18:46

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Nope! I wanna get to the bottom of this mystery 18:46

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Hah! 18:47

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Kate you're outvoted 18:47

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You guys worry me on ocassion 18:49

Type a message

Shane's hands shook as he frantically navigated to his phone settings. He was going to kill Ilya.
  • Ily Rozanov hockey player known allergies
  • How to make a death look like an accident
  • How to dwelt e voicemail???
  • Does blocking number got to voicemail?
  • How to not make phone go to voicemail?
  • If I don’t answer phone call does it go to voicemail?

(+617-840-5630)

October 8th, 2014 6:50 PM
(+617-840-5630): Hey, just checking, is this Jane? 18:50

(+617-840-5630): Rozanov’s girl in Montreal? 18:50

(+617-840-5630): Who is this 18:52

(+617-840-5630): How did you get this number? 18:52

(+617-840-5630): Oh, this is Vanessa, from the WAG groupchat? 18:53

(+617-840-5630): I’m texting from Cliff Marleau’s phone. 18:53

(+617-840-5630): Rozanov gave Cliff your number to add to the chat 18:53

Jane: Rozanov? Really? 18:54

Jane: Is this a joke? 18:54

Jane: Who am I kidding, this definitely sounds like something he’d do 18:54

(+617-840-5630): Sorry, did he not tell you? 18:54

Jane: Yea no, he didn’t tell me first 19:02

(+617-840-5630): Omg I’m so sorry if I made you think your information got doxxed or something 18:55

(+617-840-5630): My bad, I should have checked in with you first. 18:56

Jane: And he wasn’t responding to my texts either 19:03

Jane: He’s a shithead 19:03

Jane: I’m gonna kill him 19:03

Jane: Do you know if he has any allergies? 19:04

(+617-840-5630): Lol please don't kill him 19:05

(+617-840-5630): We still need him to score goals for Boston 19:05

Jane: Do we though? Do we really 19:06

(+617-840-5630): Lmao is Roz usually a prankster? 19:07

(+617-840-5630): What am I kidding of course he is 19:07

(+617-840-5630): All serious though 19:08

(+617-840-5630): I'm sorry if I scared you or smthn 19:08

Jane: I straight up had like a panic attack 19:08

(+617-840-5630): OMG NOOOOO!! 19:09

(+617-840-5630): That's horrible 19:10

Jane: I'm doing better now 19:10

(+617-840-5630): I feel horrible 19:10

(+617-840-5630): OK in hindsight I can see how just getting reached out to might make someone nervous. 19:13

(+617-840-5630): And as I’m texting this I realize how much creepier it might be now that I’m still chasing with Cliffs phone after you blocked me. 19:14

Jane: No thanks for reaching out, it’s a bit of a relief to be honest. 19:15

Jane: I thought I was getting hacked and blackmailed or something. It’s good to hear it was just Roz being an asshole. 19:16

Jane: Doesn’t help that he stopped answering his texts. 19:16

(+617-840-5630): Yeah thank god we cleared that up. 19:18

(+617-840-5630): Yea Roz wouldn’t be answering rn anyways, Cliff says he got pulled into some special captain meeting with the coach or something 19:19

(+617-840-5630): Oh wait Cliff wants his phone back 19:19

(+617-840-5630): Sorry if this is over stepping, but now that you know I’m not some creepy stalker would you be okay unblocking me? 19:20

Jane: Uhhhh 19:21

Jane: Sure, I guess 19:21

Vanessa

October 8th, 2014 5:56 PM
Jane: I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know what you want from me or how you got this number. 17: 56

Jane: Do not call me again 17: 56

You can no longer send or receive messages from +617-507-5846
October 8th, 2014 7:23 PM
Vanessa has been added to your contacts
Vanessa: Hey Jane, thanks for unblocking me 19: 25

Jane: You’re welcome 19: 25

Jane: I feel bad for freaking out at you like that 19:27

Jane: I’m a pretty private person so I was super caught off guard that someone else got my number. 19:27

Vanessa: Totally understandable 19:28

Vanessa: Butttt now that we have that sorted, would you be okay with us adding you to the WAG groupchat? 19:29

Jane: Uhhhh 19:29

Vanessa: I wasn’t lying when I said earlier that I wanted to get to know the girl that managed to hook Love Machine Rozanov 19:30

Jane: Hah, it’s fine you can call him a whore 19:31

Vanessa: Oh! 19:32

Jane: And, to be frank, I don’t think I belong in the WAG chat 19:32

Jane: Me and Rozanov aren’t dating or married 19:33

Vanessa: You’re not? 19:35

Vanessa: Does Rozanov agree? He’s the one who offered up your name. 19:36

Vanessa: And Cliff’s saying that you’re been together for, like, forever 19:37

Jane: Cliff thnks we're dating? 19:38

Vanessa: Well he's knows you've been hooking up at least 19:40

Vanessa: If you’re in an open relationship that’s fine with us, we’d still love to have you in the chat! 19:41

Jane: I mean yeah, we’ve been seeing each other 19:45

Jane: But we’re not even in an open relationship or anything. 19:45

Jane: Not to be crass but we really are just fuck buddies that meet up a handful of times a year. 19:46

Jane: I don’t even know if I’d call us buddies, we’re still on last name basis. 19:50

Jane: Plus he’s got his whole roster, right? There’s no way you could fit all, like, 1000 of us into the WAG group chat. 19:50

Vanessa: Really? 19:50

Vanessa: Hearing Cliff tell it, it sounds like Rozanov can’t get enough of you. 19:51

Jane: Excuse me? 19:52

Vanessa: Yeah, he’s like always texting you with these heart eyes 19:53

Vanessa: And having a fantastic time every time they play Montreal 19:53

Jane: Cliff must be lying 19:54

Jane: Rozanov’s Russian. He doesn’t have ‘heart eyes’ 19:54

Vanessa: Girl he gets all blushy and cute about it. 19:55

Vanessa: All like giggly and stuff, that boy’s down BAD 19:55

Vanessa: The guys reem him out about it all the time 19:55

Jane: Hah! I'll tell him Cliff said that 19:55

Vanessa: And he’s stopped seeing most of his roster in the last year or so…he might be open to being something more? 19:56

Vanessa: (But you didn’t hear that from me) 19:57

Vanessa: Also please don't tell him lol Cliff won't let me hear the end of it if your boy decides to get revenge during practice 19:58

Jane: Roz and I aren't like that. If he's ever "giggly" it's because he's having fun pissing me off 19:58

Jane: He’s an overgrown toddler. I don’t know if I’d want to be “something more” even if I could 19:59

Vanessa: That’s what I’m saying tho Girl, he’s obsessed with you, I think you could 19:58

Jane: It’s more than that. I’d never work because of unrelated personal reasons. Both me and Rozanov know this 🫤 18:00

Vanessa: Awww you sure? 18:01

Jane: Watch, I’ll text him when his captain meeting is over. I bet this whole WAG things was just a joke 18:01

Lily

October 8th, 2014 5:54 PM
Jane: What the fuck 17:54

Jane: Roz what the fuck 17:54

Jane: Why am I getting calls from Marleau’s girlfriend? 17:56

Jane: Your fucking dead 17:57

October 8th, 2014 8:05 PM
Lily: *you’re 20:05

Jane: Hello? Is your meeting finished? 20:06

Lily: Wow ur English very bad 20:06

Jane: Ok that was a fair correction, good catch 20:07

Lily: Is great catch. I am best English speaker in whole world 20:07

Jane: Why did you give Cliff’s girlfriend my number? 20:07

Lily: Hah 20:08

Lily: Was funny?)) 20:08

Jane: No! Was not funny! 20:08

Jane: Was worst nightmare, actually! 20:08

Jane: She called me!! 20:09

Jane: I sat in silence with her on the line for 5 minutes! 20:09

Lily: You picked up? 20:10

Lily: Why would you do this 20:10

Jane: I couldn’t let it go to voicemail! 20:11

Jane: What would happen if she called your “girlfriends” number and it went to MY voicemail. 20:11

Jane: The one prerecorded with MY name 20:12

Lily: They would say: 20:14

Lily: haha! Rozanov gave Hollander’s name for WAG groupchat) 20:14

Lily: Is funny joke 20:14

Lily: Rozanov is jokester 20:15

Lily: Does not want to share his special secret Jane 20:15

Jane: Special secret? 20:15

Lily: The special secret Jane who we have asked about non-stop for years and he has not told us anything 20:16

Jane: They’ve been asking you about me? 20:16

Lily: Instead he is making fun of Shane Hollander 20:16

Lily: That Rozanov! 20:16

Lily: How in character for him!))) 20:16

Jane: You've made your point 20:17

Lily: This action is entirely precedented and in line with who he is as person))))) 20:17

Lily: She laugh, I laugh, you laugh 20:17

Jane: Wow precedented. Someone definitely bought a thesaurus. 20:19

Jane: That’s not how you conjugate laugh for third person singular 20:19

Lily: That’s NoT hOw YoU COnjuGaTe LauGh fOr tHIrd PeRsOn SinGUlAr ☝️🤓 20:21

Jane: So it was just a joke then 20:23

Jane: I knew it 20:23

Lily: Was it not obvious 20:24

Lily: Oh no)) 20:26

Lily: No way 20:26

Lily: You were thinking 20:26

Lily: Oh noo they will call and hear my Shane Hollander Male Voice 20:26

Lily: What will women think?? 20:27

Lily: Rozanov is so sexy and handsome and good at hockey the only reason he has Hollander's contact MUST be we are fucking 20:27

Jane: Please stop 20:27

Lily: Because Rozanov is fucking so many people you must understand 20:27

Lily: Not a single person on entire contact list has gone unfucked by him 20:28

Lily: This is including our husbands 20:28

Lily: And every body will KNOW!!! Will know big gay secret! 20:28

Lily: Shane Hollander hockey career over! Booed out of league for fucking worlds sexiest man 20:29

Jane: I don’t know where you got the impression that I talk, or speak, or think like this 20:29

Lily: Could not possible be because ILYA ROZANOV is pulling prank on SHANE HOLLANDER 20:29

Lily: That would never happen why would he do that? 20:29

Jane: *possibly be 20:31

Lily: Can not type 20:33

Lily: Laugh to hard 20:33

Jane: *too 20:35

Jane: Also delete the texts with our names 20:35

Lily has recalled 5 messages
Jane: Why did you just try to call me? 20:40

Lily: You changed voicemail))) 20:40

Lily: To boring default))) 20:41

Jane: Shut up 20:41

Lily: You say 20:42

Lily: Ah yes must pretend to be woman now 20:42

Lily: Launch sting operation in Boston WAG chat 20:42

Lily: It is only way to protect hockey 20:42

Lily: You should re-record with fake Jane voicemail 20:43

Lily: Hayden will be confused when he asks you to babysit for his litter and you do not pickup because you are too busy on boring rock doing boring yoga 20:43

Jane: I didn’t join the WAG chat 20:44

Jane: I knew you were joking 20:44

Lily: I do not believe I am saying this but you need to stop giving blowjobs 20:46

Jane: What does that have to do with anything 20:47

Lily: You have given too much head 20:47

Lily: Left no brain for yourself 20:48

Lily: Serious medical issue 20:48

Lily: Marvel of science! Headless man plays hockey 20:48

Lily: You would make good ref 20:48

Lily: No eyes or ears or thoughts 20:48

Jane: You know what? 20:48

Jane: Ok I will stop giving blowjobs, thanks for the suggestion 20:48

Lily: NOOO(( 20:49

Lily: Why 20:49

Jane: You were the one who suggested it? 20:49

Lily: You never take my suggestions 20:49

Lily: Many years I have been saying work on backhand 20:49

Lily: Yet your backhand still sucks 20:50

Jane: I’ll backhand YOU 20:51

Lily: Wah not a backhand( 20:51

Lily: So scary((( 20:51

Lily: Big lion meowing at me what will I do 20:51

Lily: Did you practice that in the mirror? 20:52

Jane: Fuck off 20:52
Lily: Yes we should stop seeing each other 20:51
Lily: You back hand me today what will you do tomorrow?? Sneeze on me??? 20:51
Lily: You should join WAG groupchat 20:52

Jane: No 20:53

Lily: Will be funny) 20:53

Lily: Please 20:53

Jane: No 20:53

Lily: Will be learning experience 20:53

Lily: First time talking to women 20:54

Jane: Fuck off 20:54

Jane: I talk to women 20:54

Lily: Spoken like true ladies man 20:54

Lily: Let us make deal 20:56

Lily: If Boston wins next game against Montreal you join chat 20:56

Jane: And if Montreal wins no more blowjobs for you 20:59

Lily: Deal 20:59

Lily: I am not afraid 21:01

Lily: I know I will win 21:01

Lily

October 16th, 2014
Lily: Say hi to girls for me 21:01
Jane: Fuck 22:13

Lily: Ha! 22:15

Lily: What I say? 22:15

Lily: 3442 22:15

Lily: shared a location 22:15

Jane: That's like a 20 minute drive away 22:16

Lily: I know you want discreet 22:16

Lily: This is far 22:16

Lily: No one will see 22:16

Jane: I want now 22:17

Lily: Well you will have to wait) 22:18

Lily: You like my kiss when I scored? 22:19

Jane: Was that for me? 22:19

Lily: Always 22:20

Lily: This is also for you 22:20

Lily: sent a photo 22:20

Jane: I'm still 15 minutes away! 22:20

Lily: So impatient 22:21


Jane: I'm here 22:30

Jane: In elevator right now 22:30

Lily: What happen to 15 minutes? 22:30

Jane: There was no traffic 22:31

Lily: In Boston? 22:31

Lily: This is not possible 22:32

Lily: Unless...you tip driver?)) To go faster?))) 22:32

Jane: I've changed my mind, I'm leaving 22:33

Lily: I can hear you giggling outside door))) 22:33

Vanessa

October 17th, 2014 10:14
Jane: Hey, Vanessa? 10:14

Vanessa: Hey Jane! 10:20

Vanessa: How’s it going? 10:20

Vanessa: Were you watching the game? 10:21

Vanessa: Did you see the kiss your boy blew the camera~ 10:21

Vanessa: Was that for you ;)? 10:21

Jane: About that 10:22

Jane: I spoke to Roz, and he said he was serious about asking me to join the chat 10:22

Vanessa: Girlll! 10:22

Vanessa: Omg I’m so excited 10:23

Jane: Thanks, but you really shouldn't be 10:23

Jane: Rozanov admitted that he was doing it to mess with me 10:24

Jane: Also a bit of a disclaimer 10:24

Jane: I’m a pretty private person, so I won’t be able to share much 10:24

Jane: Me and Rozanov are kind of a secret thing that no one knows about 10:25

Jane: I also live in Montreal, so I won’t be able to meet up in person or anything 10:26

Vanessa: Not to worry at all girl! My lips are sealed 10:28

Vanessa: I’ll tell the girls if that’s okay? That way you won’t get mobbed with invasive questions when you get added 10:28

Jane: I’d appreciate that thanks 10:30

Jane: Also apologies in advance, I’ll probably be a bit boring 10:31

Vanessa: Omg you’re so Canadian you’re always apologizing for stuff 10:31

Jane: Sorry 10:32

Jane: Wait shit 10:32

Vanessa: Awww you’re adorable 10:32

Vanessa: It’s fine by us, the chats mainly for fun and to talk/vent about our boys 10:33

Vanessa: Who knows? 10:33

Vanessa: If no one knows about you and Roz, you might enjoy having some girls to vent to 10:34

Jane: It would be nice I guess. 10:35

Vanessa: Also no girl that could catch Roz’s eye could ever be boring 10:35

Vanessa: Why haven’t you told anyone yet btw? About you and Roz? Don’t you ever wanna talk about it? 10:35

Jane: It’s a work thing. 10:36

Jane: I’d get in loads of trouble if it got out that we were hooking up 10:36

Vanessa: Oh no! Big trouble? 10:36

Jane: The biggest 10:36

Vanessa: Like FIRED trouble? 10:37

Jane: More like drawn and quartered in the town square trouble 10:37

Vanessa: Oh 10:37

Vanessa: I’m guessing you probably don’t share what you do for a living, huh? 10:38

Jane: Yeah, no thanks 10:38

Jane: Sorry 10:38

Vanessa: Aw your so cute 10:39

Jane: Sorry 10:39

Jane: Oh no 10:39

A group chat called:Boss Babes 🏒🐻 with: ~Venessa, ~Jessica, ~Kate

October 17th, 2014

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Announcement! 📣 10:40

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
New WAG jerseys??? 10:42

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg 10:42

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Your pregnant 10:43

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Better! 10:44

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
😮 10:44

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Jane’s being added to the chat!! 10:44

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Wait wait don’t add her yet 10:45

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What, why 10:46

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Okay girls 10:46

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):This is your last chance to speculate on Jane, everybody place your bets now or forever hold your peace 10:46

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Oh, no 10:48

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Guys let’s not do this 10:48

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
I think she’s a spy 10:48

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Kate don’t worry we’re not stalking her it’s all in good fun 10:49

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
WAIT 10:49

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):I’ve got info to spill 10:49

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):And before Kate acts as the voice of reason Jane told me to tell you this stuff 10:49

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Thank god 10:49

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
We love and appreciate you Kate <3 10:50

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
You’re the only reason we haven’t set the Voyager's home arena on fire, Kate 💕 10:50

Vanessa sent 8 images 10:50

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oooo mysterious 10:52

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):I think I like ghost 10:52

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
She might just be an accountant or something 10:52

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Boooo boring 10:52

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
I like Allison’s idea 10:53

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):She must be doing some type of sensitive work? 10:53

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Or else why would dating someone famous like Roz be such a big idea 10:53

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yeah it could blow her ~cover~ 10:53

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Great logic Allison 10:54

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Only issue is she lives in MONTREAL 10:54

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):WHATS SHE SPYING ON?? 10:54

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Montreal could have undercover spies? 10:54

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
She’s trying to steal all the maple syrup 10:54

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
That can’t be it, she would have left town already: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/police-probing-quebec-maple-syrup-heist-worth-up-to-30-million/article4510740/ 10:55

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
OMG KATE WHAT? 10:55

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It was on the news 10:55

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Maybe they have a super secret alien base in Montreal and she works there as a scientist 10:56

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
The secret spy scientist lady, investing in working hard with her head down falls for the flashy debonair hockey player 10:56

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Yesssssssss 10:56

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):And if attention gets brought to her all the government secrets she has will be leaked 10:57

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Forever shunned by the scientific community 10:57

~Allison (+774-893-5354):All in the name of love ❤️ 10:57

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
…Allison, I think you might be reading too many paperbacks 😭 10:58

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
*gasp! Jennifer! 10:58

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):How could you! 10:58

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):No such thing!!!! 10:58

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Idk maybe the issue has less to do with Roz’s fame and more to do with his…reputation 10:59

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
As a menace? 10:59

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
As a ladies man 10:59

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It’s okay you can say whore 11:00

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Jane says so 11:00

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
girl I LOVE Jane 11:00

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Like what if she works in a conservative environment? 11:01

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Oooo like a church? 11:01

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Lmao 11:01

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Maybe she’s Amish 11:01

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Amish aren't very common in Canada though. 11:02

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Maybe Mennonite? 11:02

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
OMG can you imagine?? 11:03

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Roz being fuck buddies with a NUN? 11:03

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
He does have that crucifix necklace 👀 11:03

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
But how would they have met? 11:04

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):I don’t think nuns go clubbing very often 11:04

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Maybe during confessional? 11:05

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Roz comes (cums 😩) to the church and like gets down on his knees and is all 11:05

~Allison (+774-893-5354):“I do not know if I can still do the playing of the hockey” 11:05

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Lmao why would he say that tho 11:06

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
IDK maybe he’s having some inner torment or something 11:06

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Not wanting to play hockey isn’t a sin though 11:06

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
It should be 11:06

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Ugh, fine 11:06

~Allison (+774-893-5354):So Roz is all like 11:06

~Allison (+774-893-5354):“Ooooo have sinned, have had too much sex and clubbing and am worried is going to hell” 11:07

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
“have highsticked too many men” 11:07

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
“cross-checked every player in league” 11:07

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Omg yes 11:07

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
These are penalties not sins guys 11:07

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
And he looks up 11:07

~Allison (+774-893-5354):And BAM! Jane is there 11:08

~Allison (+774-893-5354):And she’s all 11:08

~Allison (+774-893-5354):“You are absolved of your sins, my child” 11:08

~Allison (+774-893-5354):“So long as you no longer go clubbing and hooking up with other women” 11:08

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
“You can totally do that other hockey stuff though, like that’s a-ok” 11:08

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
And that’s why he doesn’t go out anymore and spend all his time texting her instead. 11:08

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Only issue is nuns don’t listen to confession 11:09

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Aww :( 11:09

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Nice story though Allison 11:09

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Aww :) 11:09

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It doesn’t have to be the church necessarily 11:10

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):I’d be more likely that she’s employed by her family in a more conservative neighborhood at a small business 11:10

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):It would explain why she’d lose her entire support system 11:11

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):Her coworkers, family, and friends would all hold the same values 11:11

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Our voice of reason chiming in? 11:11

~Allison (+774-893-5354):That’s a good point 11:12

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
It’s less exciting 11:12

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):But it makes sense I guess 11:12

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
It’s realistic 11:12

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
What a bummer 11:13

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):She’s dating the hottest guy in the nhl and can’t tell anyone 11:13

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Wait omg no wonder she was scared that we would be blackmailing her 11:13

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Wow I just got really sad :( 11:14

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
She can tell us!!! 11:14

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
We’ll be here!! 11:14

~Allison (+774-893-5354):We’ll be her new non-stuck-up not old fashioned friends 11:15

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
We’re new fashioned!! 11:15

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
And fashionable! 11:15

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Yes, this girls in need of a good support network! 11:16

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
And if her secret gets exposed, me and Vic will adopt her 11:16

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
lol another kid? 11:16

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Y’all got the room? 11:16

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Yessss 11:16

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Jane’s so cute she’ll fit right in with the toddlers 11:17

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yes lol she’s so polite when she doesn’t think she’s being blackmailed 11:17

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):“Please Ms. Allison, I’m so sorry to interrupt but may I please have another serving of dinner?” 11:17

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Wait please 11:17

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Then she’ll be in Boston full time 11:18

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):And apparently Rozanov always plays better when she’s around 11:18

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Okay she’s being added EVERYONE BE COOL!!!!! 11:18

Vanessa added Jane

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Welcome back to the groupchat Jane!! 11:19

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Hi Jane! 11:19

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
@everyone sound off! 11:19

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
Hi Jane, nice to meet you again! I'm Kate, Conner Conners's girlfriend (#31) 11:20

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Welcome Jane, I'm Allison! 11:20

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Been married to Brad Hammersmith (#91) for 9 years this November <3 11:20

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
I'm Jessica Smith (soon to be St-Simon)!! 11:20

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Hey girl! I'm Jennifer, currently dating Joshua Dubek (#33) 11:20

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Oh, I forgot to add, Victor's #27 11:20

Sent: Hi everybody! It's nice to meet you all 11:21

Sent:Sorry for all the confusion 11:21

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It's all good! 11:21

Sent: I guess I have to give an introduction? 11:22

Sent:I'm Jane, Rozanov's long-term long-distance casual hook-up lol 11:22

Sent:He's #81 11:22

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Welcome, welcome!!! 11:23

Sent: Thanks everybody 11:23

Sent:Sorry, I don't really know what to say now 11:24

Sent:I'm still not sure what being in this groupchat entails 11:24

Sent:Vanessa said something about venting but I don’t have anything to vent about right now 11:25

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
OMG ur adorable! 11:25

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
You don't have to say anything if you don’t want! 11:25

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Vanessa told us that you're a bit more private so we won't pressure you to share 11:25

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Yep! 11:26

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Other then venting (which you can do when you think of something lol) we mostly just use this chat to coordinate meet-ups 11:26

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Sometimes we'll share life advice, generally we'll just chat 11:26

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
It's no stress! 11:27

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Just treat it as any other groupchat with friends :) 11:27

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Feel free to come if you need help with literally anything lol 11:27

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):I'd probably laugh at you

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):But Allison's been married a million years and knows everything 11:27

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):And Kate's smart as fuck 11:28

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):So between the two of them they can solve like any problem ever lol 11:28

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Did you just call me old? 11:28

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
You're wise 11:28

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
You're wise 11:28

~Caitlyn (+857-205-2460):
You're wise 11:28

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
Ur wise 11:28

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):Omg guys we're twinning 11:28

~Allison (+774-893-5354):
Vanessa's our "head WAG" which means she's in charge of events or ordering jerseys and stuff 11:29

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Oh wait 11:29

~Allison (+774-893-5354):Uhhh guys? 11:29

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Omg I forgot she's ROZANOV's girl 11:29

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ok Jane, traditionally the Captains parter becomes "head WAG" and gets put in charge of organizing events and stuff 11:29

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):Willing to bet you don’t wanna do that tho? 11:29

Sent: Please for the love of god no 11:30

~Jennifer (+978-676-4559):
Ok good because Vanessa's kinda a boss at that stuff 11:30

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
Aww man, was kinda hoping you did wanna do it 11:30

~Jessica (+617-905-9910):
But you're such a good head WAG!! 11:31

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):
It's soooo time consuming tho 11:31

~Vanessa (+617-507-5846):Jane if you ever wanna tap in feel free lmao 11:32

Sent: I will not but thanks 11:32

Type a message