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I stand at the end of the Yokohama Bay Bridge, looking over the edge into the rushing dark waters. I’ve waited for this moment many times in life, and I'll finally be free of what so many crave. I lift my shoe over the edge, watching it blend in with the waters below, ring ring ring. My phone vibrates, shaking my pocket. I open my eyes, looking at my pocket before grabbing out my phone and staring at the number that has interrupted my final minutes. Come on, out of everyone? Why would he even be calling me? I answer the phone before the final ring and hold it up to my ear. “To what do I owe the horrible honor?” “Where are you?! The agency and Port Mafia had a meeting today, and you were nowhere to be seen.” “Aw, is Chibi worried about me?” I hear a growl on the other side of the phone before I continue, “If you must know, I was forced to go grocery shopping for all the agency members. Ranpo ate us out of food.” “Tch, yeah right.” I let out a soft chuckle as Chuuya doesn’t seem to want to push any farther. I slightly shift my weight back onto the concrete bridge. “Any other reason you called?” The line stays silent before Chuuya's voice rings through. “You’re lying.” “What? How dare you accuse me of such a crime!” My shoe silently scrapes on the concrete as I fully step away from the edge. “We both know you would rather let the agency starve than go grocery shopping. Also, that's a dumb excuse. What are you really doing, Osamu?” My stomach churns as he calls me by my first name. I glance back down at the running water again. The tide rolls beneath the bridge as if it were a living thing. “Where are you?” I tilt my head, watching the headlights of cars fly past me. “What makes you think I’m not where I said I am?” “I’m not idiotic, Osamu. I can hear water rushing in the background.” Chuuya’s words hang heavy in the air, and the feeling in the pit of my stomach deepens. I hear a sigh from the other side of the line when I don’t reply immediately. “Don’t move. I’m picking you up since your own coworkers don’t seem to care enough to know where you are.” The line beeps, signifying the call has ended. I let my arm fall from my ear and clench my hands before taking one last look at the rushing tide.
A few minutes later, I see Chuuya turn the corner of the bridge. I hear him mumble incoherently to himself when he sees me sitting near the edge. “You idiot..” I glance over my shoulder, watching him approach. Chuuya’s boots echo on the ground as he walks towards me. His hats pulled low, covering most of his face, the soft wind blowing some of his hair. When he looks up to see my face, he doesn't look mad. He looks furious. “Why the hell are you just sitting here?” He snaps. I give him a lazy smile before turning back to the river before me. “You told me to wait, did you not?” His hand twitches at his side as if he's debating whether to punch me or drag me off the bridge. “You could have at least backed away from the bridge.” He says through gritted teeth. For a moment, neither of us speaks. Cars rush past both of us, and a soft patter of rain begins to hit the buildings. Chuuya lets out a sigh before taking his final steps towards me. “Let's go, it's starting to rain, and I didn’t want to ride my motorcycle here.” Chuuya reaches for my freshly bandaged arm and pulls me up, his grip firm yet surprisingly gentle. I feel a rush of warmth from his touch, grounding me amidst the chaos around us. "Come on," he urges, his voice steady, pulling me away from the ground and into the fray once more. Ever since my adolescence, I knew I had no desire to stay on this earth. Mine has been a life of much shame, and I still can’t quite guess myself what it is to live a life of a human being, yet, at this moment, I can’t bring myself to find the strength to pull away from the person who's dragging me stubbornly back into the world of living. More raindrops drizzle atop my head, dampening my hair far more than it already is. I look over at Chuuya, who's a step ahead of me, leading me to a place unbeknownst to me.
After agonizing minutes of walking, we finally arrive at a doorstep. I'm the first to speak up as Chuuya unlocks the door. “And why have I been brought to your house?” The door creaks open before I get a response. He steps inside without looking back, placing his keys on a nearby side table with a dull clink. The house is dim, lit only by the faint glow of streetlights through the window. For a moment, he just stands there with his back to me. Drops of rainwater fall from his hair onto the wooden floor. “Because,” he mutters finally, “If I were to take you back to the agency, you would’ve just disappeared again.” I lean my back against the closed door before I come up with a response. “My, Chuuya. Are you saying you need to keep an eye on me?” He slowly pivots his way to face me, and the look on his face makes the rest of my teasing words die somewhere in the back of my throat. Chuuya Nakahara is many things. Loud. Violent. Short-tempered. But right now, the anger in his eyes looks dangerously close to something else. “You were going to jump,” I opened my mouth to respond, just to close it. “Thats quite a bold accusation.” Chuuya crosses the little space we had between us and grabs the front of my coat. “Stop Joking!” He snaps. His voice cracks at the edges in a way that I've never heard happen before. “You think I couldn't tell?!” His grip tightens. “We were partners for years, Osamu, years.” For once, I have no clever remark waiting on my tongue to be said. The room falls silent again as Chuuya lets out a shaky breath, his grip slightly loosening. “...You idiot.” “Do you have any idea what would’ve happened if I hadn't called?” I look down at his hands clutching my coat. Strange. The warmth from his fingertips seeps through the fabric like water, leaving a burning sensation on my skin.
Ever since my adolescents I knew I had no desire to stay on this earth. Mine had been a life of much shame, and I still can’t quite guess myself what it is to live a life of a human being and yet… standing here, dripping rainwater onto Chuuya's floor while he glares at me with glassy heterochromic eyes, I find myself unable to give him the answer he’s demanding. “...I didn’t jump,” I say quietly, as if I'm saying it to convince myself, too. Chuuya’s jaw tightens. “Thats not the point.” He whispers. “No,” I murmur. Perhaps it isn’t. But it still feels strangely important. Chuuya exhales sharply, releasing a hand from holding my coat and running it through his damp hair. “You’re impossible,” he mutters. I tilt my head to the side before speaking. “That may be true,” I reply lightly. “But you've known that for years.” Chuuya scoffs and turns away, pacing a few steps across the room. “Still not the point..” Chuuya says under a shaky breath. “Then enlighten me.” Slowly, he turns back to face me once again. “You almost died tonight.” He falters in his step before continuing, “Do you have any damn idea what it's like to get a call from my own instincts?” He snaps, “Something felt wrong.” I look at Chuuya, not wanting to possibly further enrage him with anything I could say. “You almost died tonight. The only person I’ve ever loved almost died tonight.” I freeze, and for an instant, I feel like I can’t quite comprehend the meaning of words. “..Loved?” I repeat, barely above a whisper. Chuuya scoffs softly as if he is also at a loss for words on what to say. “Yeah. Loved.” His eyes flicker to mine, “Past tense makes it easier to say.” I stare at him. Not a single coherent thought is being formed, but I need to speak “You–” I start, then stop. “Chuuya, you can’t possibly–” “I can,” Chuuya interrupts. “And I do.” Chuuya takes another step back towards me. “You think I pulled you off that bridge because I felt bad?” He says. “Because I’m some kind of good Samaritan now?” I don’t answer. Chuuya's voice softens once again. “I did it because the thought of the world without you in it...” He shakes his head, “That's not a world I want.” My throat tightens as I try to let out a mirthless laugh. “That's unfortunate,” I murmur. “Because I spent most of my time trying to leave it.” Chuuya's expression shifts, but not into anger, into something I can’t quite place. “Then stop trying alone.” He says quietly. My eyes widened slightly. “You don’t get to disappear without someone fighting you for it.” Silence washes over the room for a long moment before I decide to speak. “...Chuuya.” My voice seems softer than the rest of the night before this. “I don’t know how to be the person you’re talking about.” Chuuya seems to study me before shrugging a shoulder. “Good.” A small, stubborn smile appears on his face. “Neither do I.”
EXTRA
For a moment, Chuuya just stares at me. Like he’s waiting for me to laugh, take it back, or twist it into some kind of cruel joke. I don’t. The rain continues to fall outside, tapping softly against the windows. “…Say that again,” Chuuya mutters, his voice rough. I tilt my head slightly, watching the way his fingers curl against the table like he’s bracing for impact. “I said,” I repeat quietly, “that I like you too.” The words feel strange as they leave my mouth. Chuuya exhales slowly, like the air had been trapped in his lungs the entire time. “You’re unbelievable,” he says. “You nearly gave me a damn heart attack tonight,” he mutters. I hum softly. “That wasn’t my intention.” “Bullshit.” Despite the words, he steps a little closer. For someone so small, he has always felt strangely grounded, but maybe that's because of his ability. Neither of us says anything for a while. Eventually, Chuuya sighs and nudges my shoulder with his. “…You’re staying here tonight,” he says. “Is that an order?” “Yes.” I smile faintly. “…Alright.” And for the first time in a very long while, the thought of morning doesn’t feel quite so unbearable.