Chapter Text
your sister got married, had kids, and got divorced all while you hadn’t even gotten to third base. you never dated anyone. not in high school, not in university, not even in your thirties. a virgin at thirty was so ludicrous at this point that it became a secret you kept so deeply buried.
everyone around you was settling down, but it had always been your career first. it completely absorbed you, not only testing your physical capabilities but your intelligence and emotions. it pushed every part of you to it’s very limits. your sister would tell you to relax, that you'd find a good man who could keep up with you eventually. maybe even one that would look after you, one with money and a big house in the countryside. you laughed at the idea.
to say you were exhausted was an understatement, but there was no time to stop when it came to the DSO. being static would leave you behind, and everything would continue to keep going without you. that's just how the world works.
the dark bags that hung around your eyes weren't planning on leaving, and that sore ache in your neck had permanently buried itself there. dreaming of soft nights tangled among someone else was pointless.
maybe those people online were right, that career-driven women aren't attractive to men because men's egos are too fragile for someone more intelligent than them. well, fuck that- if that is what men think, then to hell with them.
your sister always told you that you were a troublesome child, always needing to be played with or stimulated. that mom used to hand you some rusted old bike and chuck you outside with it, because god you were so annoying. you were reciting the entire alphabet by the time you turned one- only when your dad wasn't making sure you weren't eating the spiders in the garden.
seven. seven was the age you were when the catastrophe of raccoon city occurred.
how you remember it all so clearly.
your red backpack was clunking around, keychains ringing against each other. your sister tore them off. she said they made too much noise, you were attracting more of them.
her hand held around your fingers, dragging you through the apocalypse of the street. huge, orange flames roared around you, car alarms blaring off, gurgles and growls of what people had become. smoke choked, metallic blood smeared across your knees. screams bled in your ears, don't look back, don't turn around, don't waste a damn second-
“y/n?”
you jumped in your seat, swirling the office chair around immediately.
it was leon. leon s. kennedy. his large frame, broad shoulders, huge arms and his remarkably thick hair that he had still maintained at his age. it was hard not to be intimidated by the scowl that was permanently etched into his face, the deep creases in his eyebrows and his razor-sharp stare.
in his calloused hands were two takeaway coffees.
“you okay?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at your jumpiness.
“yeah, sorry, just deep in thought,” you laughed nervously, drawing your eyes away from him. a heat was rising in your cheeks.
why did you always act like such a dork around him? you wanted to dig the deepest hole and just rot in it, in front of him. so at least he knew that you were self-aware of your stupidity.
you were surrounded by a mountain of files, paperclips and pens. paper stacked up in piles on your desk, then made their way onto the floor. when people stepped into the office, they knew that was your desk just from the mess of it all.
“how’s the report of our last mission?” his deep voice penetrated the silence of the room.
“good, good- if head office is asking about it then i’ll have it ready in three- no- make that two days,” you corrected yourself, gesturing the numbers on your fingers.
“don’t worry about it, i already convinced them to give you an extension,”
“oh- thanks- and coffee too? you spoil me,” you let out a small laugh. your smile widened as he placed the coffee in your hand. his smile grew, noticing the pleased joy radiating from your face. it only lingered for a second before he looked away- not wanting to startle you.
before you met leon, you heard of him in tangible whispers.
you had just joined the DSO, working behind the scenes in reports and analytical work preparatory to putting you on the field.
your co-workers would talk about him as if he was some legendary myth. ‘did you know he managed to survive raccoon city?’, ‘apparently it was his first day as a cop’. and of course, everyone knew he saved the president’s daughter.
it started with you watching him behind the partitions of the desks, as he walked through the offices. the flickering of his dark leather jacket passing through the gaps in the partitions, the way his wheat blond hair darkened over time, deepening into a rich brown.
to him, you were like some small kitten, watching in the shadows and only appearing when you desired.
at first, he was cold, you could possibly even say he was cruel. you scrambled around him, making sure every report was ready for him. you listened to his grumbles and complaints, sometimes teasing him back.
it wasn’t until they had you assisting leon with his missions over speakers that you truly got to know him. neither of you spoke like professionals to each other; there was an essence of gentle fondness in both of your tones.
when they put you on the field with him as a mentor, you had him soft. you were skilled, possibly capable of everything yourself. those skills weren't natural, it was the result of being taken in by the government at seven-years-old, but you impressed him anyway. you preferred long distance, your figure as beautiful as the sniper that you always took along with you. precision was instinctive.
your styles danced around each other, leon's close combat, a distinctive aggression that ran on primal adrenaline, borderline apathetic. your flexibility and swiftness made you a shadow in the dark, instinctively appearing when leon needed you to, the small glimmer of your scope.
those brief, unexpected meetings in the break room turned into always having your lunch at 1.20pm, because that’s when leon was always in the break room. the way he made you uncontrollably laugh made the dread you faced in bed before work vanish.
it was probably something he did with everyone else at work, just to keep the work day tolerable. you heard other women laughing around leon too, so it wasn't anything special.
now, you had grown into the woman in front of him. those big, kitten-like eyes had shifted into ones that contained a cold distance. the pink rosy cheeks you used to walk into the office with had faded away.
leon knew that's what working in his field did to people; made them lose their colour, muted themselves. if making you smile just alleviated your day by the smidgen, then that's exactly what he was going to do.
he placed the coffee in your hand, his calloused fingers brushing against your slender soft ones.
"well, considering we both left the office last night at 2am, i think it's needed," he leaned against the wall.
"uh-huh," you sighed, scrunching your face together, then relaxing it, trying to keep yourself awake.
"here's the report so far- i just need to finish a last few pages and then-," you jumped between sentences like it was a sport, grabbing a green folder that sat between a multitude of others.
the whole pile tumbled down, sending papers and files flying everywhere.
"shit!" you hissed, hopping out of your seat, frantically grabbing the papers, "i'm so sorry leon, everything has been such a mess lately,"
"don't apologise, let me help you-"
"what did i say about getting too close, kennedy?" you muttered, gently swatting your hand at him. he lifted his arms up in surrender, taking a step back.
as you placed the folders back onto the desk, you knocked over your coffee, all over the report you were finishing.
you just wanted to burst out laughing, in a hopeless cry.
"that's it, i'm taking you out of here," he grumbled, stepping forward. this clumsiness was out of character for you, like your body didn't want to cooperate with you anymore.
"don't push it, leon-,"
he grabbed your hand, leading you out of the office.
"i'm taking you out to lunch, when was the last time you even had a proper meal?"
-
the two of you sat in a small cafe, the windows steamy from the cold weather outside and the warmth of the coffee.
your eyes drifted away from leon, onto the floor.
the clink of cups placed back down onto plates and the low hum of chatter filled the room, making the silence between you and leon seem less awkward. not that silences with him were awkward, you just didn't like the pressure to have to speak.
he pushed the menu towards you, his head slightly tilting to catch the drift of your eyes.
"do you think when we retire we can be normal?" you asked, gazing up at him with a faint desperation that could only be caught if it was looked for hard enough. your finger was tracing around the rim of your cup.
he observed the pink puffiness around your eyes. the slight hunch in your posture, despite it always being so straight. you always kept yourself together, frustratingly flawless. and now suddenly, it was like a thread came undone, and you were slowly unravelling in front of him, string lapping around his hands.
dont give up on me now.
"i can't say normal exists for us anymore," he started, "but everything will certainly be quieter," his lips curved upwards ever so slightly.
your foot was slowly moving up and down along your other foot, the point on your heel digging in. you tried to imagine what quiet was. was it being in the countryside, surrounded by nothing but the calming presence of nature? was it settling down with the person you loved? was it finally being able to have the luxury of freedom?
"that sounds nice," you offered him a small, pleased smile and brought your cup to your lips. something in his rigid posture relaxed.
he tapped the menu.
"eat," he said, his lips playing a faint smirk.
after you ordered your food, you were both left awkwardly looking at each other. you hated cafe situations, because you had to look at the person in front of you. too direct, too harsh. not your taste.
those silver threads that dissolved in the rich chestnut of his hair, fluffed up by some mousse or gel. in fact, it was rather touching imagining leon style his hair in the morning, flicking pieces with his fingers and playing around with products until he was satisfied.
"so, how's your sister?" he broke the silence, his elbows leaning against the table.
"she's still not speaking to me, after you-know-what," you sighed, pressing your lips together.
he huffed, his eyes returning to the concentrated sludge of coffee at the bottom of his cup. the waitress came over with fries and a bowl of soup, placing it on the table.
"you know, she is right," he started.
you shot him a look, raising your eyebrow.
"about deserving someone steady," he finished.
"you make it sound like i'm unstable," you scoffed, crossing your legs.
"you know that's not what i meant. you carry a lot. anyone can see that," he swished his hand, gesturing at you.
"carrying it is better than sharing it," you mumbled, stirring your coffee, despite it being black with no sugar, "relying on someone is not my style."
"i know."
a small exhale escaped his nose, watching you being avoidant of looking at him. those long eyelashes that spread when you looked down. the sweet gloss on your lips.
"how's that girl... uhm, shelly? no i swear it was something like sher-"
"sherry," he corrected, "she's okay. she had me over for christmas which was nice. claire was there too,"
while he spoke he nudged the forgotten food towards you. you grabbed a spoon, dunking it in the soup, blowing air over it before placing it in your mouth.
without thinking, his arm reached over the table, brushing the orange soup over the corner of your mouth away. his hand stilled.
you froze. no one had ever touched you like that before.
"sorry. you missed a bit," he breathed, tucking his hand away under the table, subtly telling you that he would saw his hand off if it made you comfortable.
"it's fine," you said, too quickly as heat rose on your cheeks. "uh- i'm gonna go back to the office, i need to finish that report,"
"yeah, yeah go ahead, i'll be there in a minute," he said quietly, enough to be lost in the chatter of the cafe.
as you left the place, you turned around, your teeth digging into your lip. he was still sitting there, his fingers dragging through his hair, his eyes squeezed shut.
just a friend thing, right? you told yourself over and over again, fidgeting in your bed at night.
those daily coffees turned into professional emails. taking you out to lunch became a small nod to you in the break room. those small snacks he left on your desk became deep absences.
you didn't understand why. one minute you two were so close, and now he was behaving as if you never patched him up on your first mission together. as if you never let him be the only person who could come near your desk. as if you never disobeyed orders to ensure his survival.
work became long hours, waiting for the hour to turn to five. breaks became stale, often forgotten.
you caught glances of the worn-down man, sometimes he caught glances of you too, noticing that slight hurt puppy-eyed look you had.
god, it almost fucking killed him every time. but he knew that he wasn't the man you were looking for. what was he thinking, touching you like that? you were young, intelligent and capable, and he figured that you viewed him like everyone else did. this experienced man, teetering on the edge of retirement, broken by the horrors he'd faced. but did he know that his jokes made you laugh louder than anyone else's did?
he couldn't fool anyone anymore. not with the silver traces of grey at his temples and the crows feet playing at his eyes. you deserved someone your own age, stable and normal. and that's something he couldn't provide.
you watched him pass, his back facing you, leaving you behind and alone in the office.
your stomach twisted. this is never how you felt when friends suddenly gave you a cold shoulder, usually, you would think it wasn't worth it. so why did you feel a lump forming in your throat when leon had put all these strange pillars up around himself?
rain began to patter against the windows, streaking down, grey clouds stretching as far as you could see. people started to disappear from their desks, taking their belongings with them. until the only light on in the office was the one above your head. the clock ticked behind you, signalling every second that passed you by. your fingers tapping against the keyboard with an obsessive rhythm, an occasional pause, and then back to typing away.
the storm outside only got worse, rain hammering down, creating massive pools of puddles. shit.
your car was in the garage, so this week you were using the bus. you could see the bus stop across the street from your office, the light flickering in the dark evening.
you collected your bag, turned off the computer, and braced yourself for the beast of the weather.
the wind hit your face, slapping your hair around. the rain lashed, harsh and sharp, painfully at your cheeks and neck. light fractured in puddles as the rain splashed up against them, the only thing keeping you going was the warmth of your home, cuddling up in blankets with a tea.
your bus shot past your stop, tires hissing along the road.
what a joke.
you groaned, trying to make sure your bag wasn't going to be swept away. then, headlights pierced the downpour. a very familiar sleek porsche pulled up on the side.
the window rolled down.
"get in,"