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Hannah moved more slowly these days, took longer pauses, and sat in a chair while reviewing charts. The pain in her lower back was more frequent and acute, and her feet were swollen, but she kept a smile on her face as always, trying to ignore the feeling.
That morning started like any other day, but then she felt it, a faint warmth inside her thigh. She looked down, panicked, and saw the dark stain on her green scrubs. Her heart stopped for a moment, then started beating like crazy; it felt like her chest was gonna explode. The room stilled as she grabbed the counter to steady herself. Every worst-case scenario she studied in med school flashed in her mind: placenta abruption, preterm labor, cervical insufficiency.
Before she knew it, she was moving, her breath shallow and hands shaking. She scanned the ED, looking for a specific person, and then saw him standing at the nurse's station, talking with Doris. She walked towards him slowly, head down, because she wanted to avoid meeting other people’s eyes.
“Dean…” she called him softly, her voice cracking a bit.
He turned immediately, and the second she saw the look on her face, his stomach tightened, as he got punched in the gut. “What’s wrong?”
She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He followed her gaze down her body as he saw the blood on her scrubs. His expression changed in an instant. He didn’t panic; he knew that was not what Hannah needed. Instead, he remained calm, despite what was happening inside him, and took control of the situation.
“Come with me,” he said quietly, guiding her toward the nearest treatment room, and then turned to Doris. “Call Lenox, please.”
He helped her sitting onto the bed, standing close to her but careful not to overwhelm her. She fought to hold back the tears as her breath hitched.
“Dean, something’s… something’s wrong,” she sobbed. She shuddered as she tried to speak. panic filled her voice as her worst nightmare was turning real.
“Hey, hey. Look at me,” he said gently. “We don’t know that. We’re gonna get you checked, okay?”
She nodded, but the panic didn’t ease. She pressed her hand on her belly, terrified to feel anything different. Hannah looked up at Dean and saw the fear in his eyes. Within seconds, Lenox rushed inside the room, and she quickly looked between Dean and Hannah.
“Talk to me.”
Hannah struggled to speak between breaths. “I-I don’t know, I didn't have pain…Then I saw the blood.”
Lenox didn’t waste time. She pulled the curtain and walked to the portable ultrasound. “Let’s take a look.”
Dean didn't move; it was like he was frozen. He felt powerless because there was nothing he could do for her and the baby. His heart was pounding in his chest, his jaw was tight, and his hands were curled so hard into fists that his knuckles turned white. His eyes looked at Hannah; nothing else mattered in that moment.
Hannah lay back slowly on the bed; she could hear her heart beating in her ears. She lifted the shirt just enough for Caitlin to apply the cold gel on her belly. Lenox moved the transducer smoothly. The wait felt like a lifetime before the screen lit up and their baby appeared. Just then, Dean allowed himself to move closer to the bed, to Hannah. For a few seconds, Lenox said nothing, focused on looking for any sign of an issue.
“There’s no sign of distress,” she finally spoke. “Placenta looks fine. Cervix is closed,” she moved the transducer to adjust the angle. “No sign of abruption or fluid loss,” she then turned to look at both Hannah and Dean. “Your baby looks perfectly fine.”
Hannah sobbed in relief, the tension easing when she heard those words as she instinctively reached for Dean’s hand.
“Do you wanna hear the heartbeat?”
They both nodded, and Lenox turned the volume up. The sound filled the room, washing away the terror they’d been drowning in. Dean let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. The tension in his jaw loosened as he closed his eyes briefly and listened to the steady and strong heartbeat. He let himself picture a little girl running around his house with her mother’s laugh and his stubbornness. After a few minutes, Lenox wiped the gel off Hannah’s stomach and turned the volume down. And just like that, Dean was brought back to the real reason they were there.
“What about the bleeding?” he asked carefully, still holding her hand.
“Just cervix sensitivity,” Lenox said. “It’s common around this stage, especially if she’s been standing on her feet for hours, which she has.”
“So, they’re both okay?”
“Yes,” Lenox simply answered and turned to look at Hannah. “I don’t need to say it, but you should rest for the next couple of days.”
“I will.” Hannah agreed. “Thank you.”
Lenox left the room, and for a long moment, silence stretched between them. Neither of them moved, hands still glued together as if they didn’t want to let go. Dean looked down at their hands and realised that was the closest they had been in months. They’ve kept each other at arm length all this time, always too controlled when in the same room, too scared of letting themself feel the attraction that, like an invisible force, had brought them together the first time. But now in that room, nothing mattered but Hannah and their daughter. He couldn’t afford to lose them because he wouldn’t survive.
“You scared me,” he murmured.
She looked up at him and saw the tears in his eyes and squeezed his hand gently. “I thought we were gonna lose her.”
He moved before he could think. He let go of her hand and sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her gently against him. She melted into him, her head against his chest, and his chin resting lightly on her hair. His arms wrapped around her, and suddenly, she couldn’t hold it anymore. Tears started streaming down her cheeks, soaking his shirt. Hannah didn’t know if she was crying out of happiness or because her worst fear almost turned real.
They didn't know how long they stayed like that, but neither of them cared. When they pulled apart, Hannah quickly brushed the tears off her face before looking at him again.
“You’re gonna stay at my house so I can check on you,” he said, his voice firm and steady, yet gentle. It wasn’t a question, but it also didn’t leave room for doubts.
“Dean, you don’t have to…”
“Please,” he said in a softer tone. “I need to know that you’re okay. Both of you.”
The crack in his voice didn’t pass unnoticed to Hannah. She could see the way his eyes were still red at the corners, the concern written all over his face, even when he was trying so hard to stay strong. She didn’t argue.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“I’ll go get your things,” he said before leaving the room.
Hannah leaned back on the bed, her hand moving gently over her belly. She felt her baby move under her palm as if to reassure her that everything was okay, and a faint smile formed on her lips. Dean returned a few minutes later with her bag slung over one shoulder and her jacket draped over his arm. Without saying a word, he helped her to her feet before leaving the room again and waiting outside to give her privacy to change out of the scrubs into sweatpants.
They left the hospital without making a big deal out of it; no one asked questions, and neither of them said anything. Together, they walked towards his car as the crisp air of February wrapped around them. He opened the passenger door for her and waited until she buckled her seatbelt before closing the door. Dean slid into his seat, but didn’t start the engine right away. For a moment, they let a comfortable silence settle, filling the space between them.
“Do you wanna grab something for dinner?” he asked gently, breaking the silence.
She shook her head slightly. “I don’t really feel like eating right now.”
Dean didn’t argue because he felt the same way. The drive home was silent. Dean’s hand tightened around the steering wheel. Hannah noticed the tension in his shoulders and, without thinking twice, reached for his hand that was resting on the console. He tensed for a moment, taken aback by the sudden gesture, but relaxed quickly when her grip tightened around his hand.
“We’re okay, Dean,” she said gently, looking at him.
He nodded slightly, his gaze locked on the street, before he turned towards her for a brief moment. “I know.”
Soon after they walked into his house, exhaustion took over Hannah. She had fallen asleep on his couch, curled on her side, and her hand resting on her belly, a blanket draped over her. She looked vulnerable like that in a way that made his chest tighten. Dean stood in the kitchen, pretending to clean a spotless counter, pretending not to stiffen every time she moved. The scene from earlier is still vivid in his mind: the blood on her scubs, the terror in her eyes, the fear of losing them. The vibration of his phone brought him back to reality.
Lenox
Dean quietly slid the back door open and walked outside onto the backyard patio, closing the door behind him before answering. “Yeah.”
“How’s she doing?” Caitlin asked immediately.
“She’s asleep,” he said quietly. “Finally.”
“That’s good,” Lenox replied. “Any more bleeding?”
“No.” He exhaled slowly, the tension leaving his shoulders as the hours passed. “Everything’s been fine.”
“Good,” There was a small pause before she spoke again. “And how are you doing?”
Dean sat on the chair closer to him, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Hannah’s fine. The baby’s fine. That’s all that matters.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
He let out a humorless breath, but didn’t speak for a long moment. “I thought I was going to lose them today.”
The words came out rougher than he expected, and saying them aloud made the fear real again.
“I saw the blood, and then I looked at Hannah, and she looked like she was already bracing for the worst. And I couldn’t do anything.” his voice cracked as he spoke. “I couldn’t protect either of them. I never felt more powerless in my entire life.”
On the other end, Cailtin let him speak without interruption.
He exhaled softly. “If something had happened to either of them…”
“Don’t do that,” Lenox said. “Nothing happened. They’re okay.”
“Yeah, I know,” he murmured, more to himself than to her.
“Now, are you gonna stop pretending you aren’t in love with her?” she asked directly, going straight to the point.
“What?”
“C’mon, Dean,” she started. “Everyone can see it but the two of you.”
“We had a one-night stand,” he said. “She got pregnant. Now we’re just trying to figure out how to raise a child without complicating things. That’s it.”
“You told me not so long ago that losing control occasionally isn’t the worst thing in the world,” she said calmly, after a beat.
He blinked fast, caught off guard by her words, as he remembered that conversation.
“Maybe you should let that happen again and tell her how you really feel.”
“That isn’t…” he said automatically.
“What? Simple?” she interrupted gently. “Dean, you care about Hannah more than you want to admit. I saw your face earlier, you know. You were terrified,” she continued. “If that doesn’t make you realise how you feel about her, I don’t know what will.”
Dean exhaled slowly, knowing she was right, but said nothing. Caitlin smiled faintly at his stubbornness, even if he couldn’t see it.
“Try to get some sleep,” she told him. “And call me immediately if something changes.”
“Yeah, I will,” he murmured. “And thank you for checking.”
The line went dead without another word. Dean slipped his phone into his pocket and stayed outside, letting the cool air penetrate his bones. He leaned back onto the chair as Caitlin’s words echoed in his mind. A few minutes later, he pushed the back door open again and quietly stepped inside. Hannah hadn’t moved much, but as he walked closer, she stirred slightly but didn’t wake.
For a second, he thought about sitting beside her as the instinct to stay close to them was still there. But he stopped himself because it felt like compromising the blurred boundary between co-parenting and being something more. Instead, he sat down in the armchair near the couch. He leaned back, resting his forearms on the armrests, and simply watched her, studying the soft lines of her face until exhaustion took over him too and he drifted off to sleep at the sound of Hannah’s steady breathing.