Chapter Text
“Honey, Chan is here!” Felix’s mom called from downstairs.
Felix didn’t budge an inch, but a shiver ran through him. He knew that even if he didn't go down to greet him, Chan would just barge into his room and do whatever he wanted anyway.
It was that time again, when Chan and his parents came to visit Felix’s family. It happened every two weeks or sometimes once a month. Their parents were good friends, almost like siblings. They were so close that they practically considered each other family.
And because of that, their parents always thought, and maybe hoped, that Felix and Chan would grow up to be great friends. Maybe even like brothers.
Their parents truly believed they were best friends.
They weren't.
Felix hated Chan. Even though they had played together since childhood, in Felix’s mind, Chan had always been a bully. He would grab Felix's toys roughly, drown him underwater in the pool until he couldn't breathe, or leave him alone at the park. Chan even sided with the other bullies on the playground. He was exactly the kind of naughty boy Felix had hated since they were kids.
Puberty changed things, but it didn't change Chan. He was still a jerk, just in new ways. Felix couldn't let go of the grudge and his hate was here to stay.
“Yes, he’s upstairs in his room,” Felix heard his mom say. “Okay, honey, can you bring this to him and eat together?”
She was obviously talking to Chan. A moment later, the noise downstairs faded back into the sound of their parents chatting and laughing.
Felix’s friends were always jealous of the relationship between their families. They admired how naturally Chan was allowed to come and go in Felix’s house, as if he belonged there.
“He’s hot! You’re so lucky to be friends with him.”
“I wish our parents were as close as yours so we could be around him more.”
Felix hated it. His friends thought having a childhood friend like Chan was a dream. For Felix, it was a nightmare.
He heard footsteps outside. He knew they were Chan’s. Felix was tired, exhausted to be more specific. He already knew exactly what Chan would do once he reached the room.
Felix stayed huddled on his bed, pulling the blanket over himself as if it could protect him from what was coming. He knew he couldn't resist, anyway.
The sound of the door opening filled his ears, followed by a heavy footstep. Then, he heard the click of the door being locked. Another step, and then the scent of musk and fresh fruit drifted toward him. A plate of sliced fruit was set down on his desk.
“Hey,” Chan said. It was him, of course. Who else would it be?
Chan turned on the TV, picking a movie that Felix knew neither of them actually wanted to watch. Felix didn't answer; he didn't care. He couldn't do anything about it, even if he did.
“I know you’re awake. Stop pretending to sleep.”
Felix wasn't pretending to sleep. He just wasn't in the mood to speak. He hated everything about the older boy—his presence, his voice, his very existence.
Felix had never invited Chan into his room. Why should he?
Chan was invited by Felix’s parents, not by him. And especially not into this room.
“Not playing your Genshin today?” Chan asked. Felix could practically hear the smirk in his voice.
Suddenly, Felix felt the bed shift.
Here we go, Felix thought.
A slap landed on his butt over the comforter he was using to cover himself. Then, Chan started whining. Felix fumed.
Why the hell was Chan the one whining when Felix was the one who got slapped?
Finally, Felix snapped. He was so angry he couldn't stay still anymore. He shot up into a sitting position, still clutching the comforter around him. His face was flushed with anger.
“Can you calm the fuck down and respect my space? Even if my mom let you in, I never wanted you here!”
Chan didn't look bothered. He just kept smiling, looking at Felix with a satisfied expression. He knew he had won. He’d finally forced Felix to show his face and look him in the eye.
“Calm down, sweetheart. You like me being here. Don’t lie.”
He didn’t.
“This fucker,” Felix muttered under his breath, turning away to lie back down.
But Chan was already sitting on the edge of the bed. With one swift motion, he yanked the comforter away. Felix ignored him, staring intensely at his phone and pretending to text someone, even though he felt completely exposed without the blanket covering him.
“Damn, baby,” Chan murmured.
Felix could feel Chan’s eyes roaming over him. He was wearing an oversized shirt and shorts that barely reached his thighs. He had dressed to be comfortable in his own room, but now he suddenly regretted wearing something so revealing.
“Wearing shorts just to tease me? How naughty, Lix.”
Chan’s hand landed on his thigh, caressing the skin before giving it a firm squeeze. Felix tried to shake him off, kicking at Chan’s hand with his other foot, but deep down, he knew it wouldn't make him stop.
“This is just what I wear at home, you fucker,” Felix snarled.
In an instant, Chan’s hand shot out, gripping Felix’s face with a bruising force. He leaned in so close that Felix could feel the heat of his breath against his skin.
“Watch your language, slut,” Chan warned, his voice a low, dangerous growl.
Felix didn't flinch. He wasn't scared. He was fed up. Instead of pulling away, he spat directly into Chan’s face.
The spit landed on Chan's cheek, but he didn't snap. He was a psycho, and Felix knew it. To Felix's horror, Chan didn't even wipe it away. He simply used his tongue to lick what he could reach.
“Sweet as always,” Chan murmured. Only then did he release Felix’s face.
“Not behaving again,” Chan said calmly. “You know your punishment.”
Felix only clicked his tongue in annoyance and went back to his phone, acting as if none of it bothered him.
Chan leaned over and roughly shoved the phone out of Felix’s hands.
“Pay attention to me, sweetheart,” he said, his voice dropping into something low and dangerous.
The phone skidded across the mattress, leaving Felix with nothing to hide behind. Chan did not move away. Instead, he hovered above him, his shadow swallowing Felix’s smaller frame. He did not just want Felix to look at him. He wanted to be impossible to ignore.
“You smell so good. I know you're trying to seduce me,” Chan murmured. He remained hovered over Felix, his hand sliding up Felix's thigh until his fingers slipped beneath the hem of his shorts, gripping his backside.
“What do you want? Just make it quick,” Felix snapped, his voice dripping with venom. He didn't hide his hatred; it was the only weapon he had left.
“Relax, baby. Why the rush? I don’t want to hurt you,” Chan whispered. He continued to stroke Felix’s skin, his face dipping toward Felix's neck. He bit down softly before licking the skin, inhaling deeply. The sound of his sniffing was loud in the quiet room, a chilling reminder of how close he really was.
“Your mom is downstairs. Does she know what you do to me every time you come here?” Felix snapped, his voice sharp.
Chan’s expression darkened slightly. “Does your mom know you let a man touch you like this? That you give in every single time?”
“And that person is you!” Felix shot back. “And I’m not giving in to you!”
“Still,” Chan said quietly, “you don’t get to ignore me, sweetheart.”
Felix went still. He stopped fighting. “Just… finish it,” Felix muttered, staring at the ceiling. “Do it fast.”
He knew this would just happen again next week, or next month.
“Can’t wait, hm? You want me to fill you up?” Chan’s voice was a heavy, ragged breath against his ear. His large, strong hand roamed easily under the shorts, reaching his destination.
“Wet and ready... you really were waiting for this, weren't you? My pretty doll. What would I do without you?” Chan groaned, finding Felix already prepared.
Felix gave him nothing—no reaction, no sound. He was a statue despite the sensations. He could feel the hardness of Chan’s crotch against his leg. Chan slid a hand under Felix’s shirt, teasing his nipple before leaning down to lick and suck at his chest.
Chan was behaving like an animal, groaning and moaning, while Felix remained flat, staring blankly at the ceiling. He was too tired to say no, and far too full of hate to ever enjoy it.
This had been their routine since they were teenagers. Being degraded by Chan. Whenever they were left alone. When their parents were downstairs. On family vacations when they had to share a room.
It always happened.
It started when he was 15. Chan had cornered him, questioning his masculinity with a cruel smirk. “You’re so tiny, Lix. Are you really a guy?”
He began wandering his hands over Felix's frame, eventually stripping him down. “Let’s see. Maybe you’ve been lying to us all this time.”
Felix remembered the chilling tone of Chan's voice as he looked at him. “I never knew a girl's body could have such a pretty little cock,” Chan teased, his fingers beginning to toy with Felix’s cock.
Felix had snapped at him, tried to shove him away. He had been furious. Embarrassed. Burning with humiliation.
But anger was never enough. Chan had laughed at his reactions. Felix felt his body betrayed him under pressure. Felix hated that part the most. Hated how his own body responded to stimulation even when his mind was screaming no. Felix cum on Chan’s hands.
“Oh,” Chan had murmured mockingly back then. “So you are a boy.” he said, while looking at Felix’s cum on his hands.
And for the next week the threat keep going.
“Look, it’s so hard. You need to touch it so it stops hurting. You have to help me,” Chan said, his tone bossy and demanding.
“I... I don’t know how! And why should I?” Felix snapped back, his voice trembling with defiance. “It’s yours! handle it yourself. Didn’t your mom ever tell you not to let people touch you there? Or to stay away from other people's private parts?”
“I did it for you last week, Felix!” Chan countered. “Why can’t you just help me make it go away? Is it really that hard to help a friend?”
“You are not my friend!” Felix almost screamed, his eyes burning with hatred.
Chan looked startled for a split second, his expression unreadable, but his presence remained heavy and intimidating. He pressured Felix with threats until the air in the room felt thick with tension. Then, suddenly, his voice softened.
“Lix-ah... please. It hurts. I’m begging you.” Chan reached out, slowly taking Felix’s hand in his.
Felix felt a pang of misplaced guilt. “Just this once,” he whispered. “I’m never doing this again.”
He began to stroke him, and Chan’s head fell back, a groan escaping his lips. ”You’re so good at this, Lix. Amazing.”
Felix didn't know how to feel. The praise fed a small, hidden part of his ego, but the rest of him was still drowning in the realization that he was touching the person he hated most.
It wasn’t what Felix wanted.
But somehow, it became their routine.
The pressure. The threats. The way Chan always cornered him when no one else was around. Whether Felix liked it or not, he ended up doing whatever Chan asked. Humping, handjobs, blowjobs. Chan taught him every kind of activity that could release his desire.
That was why Felix told himself it was bullying.
Because if it wasn’t bullying, then what was it?
“What we’re doing... it’s sex, Chan,” Felix stated one afternoon.
Chan immediately scoffed. “It’s not.”
“It is.”
“It’s just touching,” Chan snapped back. “Stop making it sound bigger than it is.”
Felix stared at him in disbelief. “You call that just touching?”
Chan ran a hand through his hair, clearly irritated. “You think I'm crazy? I’d never actually fuck a kid like you.”
Felix let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, don't act like you have morals.”
“I said it’s not sex,” Chan insisted. “I won’t do something that you're not allowed to. Everything we’ve done? It’s not that.”
“What do you know about what I allowed or not? You never care!”
Arguments like this were common between them. During one particular fight, something snapped.
Chan’s face was twisted in rage as he spat out a harsh, "Fuck you!"
Felix didn’t know what snapped inside him.
“If you’re so brave, why don’t you just fuck me?”
Chan’s dark gaze locked onto Felix's startled eyes. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Lix, better watch your mouth or you will regret it” he said, before turning away and leaving Felix alone.
The day Felix turned eighteen, Chan finally crossed the line he had hovered over for years, claiming Felix’s body as his. The sex happened.
As he pinned Felix down, Chan leaned into his ear.
“Remember,” Chan whispered, his grip bruisingly tight. “You asked for this, Lix.”
Whenever the families met, the locked door became a silent witness. Chan treated Felix’s room like a laboratory for his own curiosity, bringing every whim, kink, and dark impulse to Felix’s bed. He explored Felix with a cold, possessive hunger, ignoring every "no" and every silent, tearless stare.
Even when Chan started dating, nothing changed. He would arrive at Felix’s house with the scent of another girl’s perfume on his skin, only to press Felix against the wall and demand the same "services" as before.
When Chan started dating, Felix thought it would be his freedo. He pictured Chan being satisfied by a girl, leaving Felix to finally breathe in his own home.
He was wrong.
“She’s sweet, isn't she?” Chan had murmured one evening, his voice casual as he pinned Felix’s wrists against the headboard. He had just come from a date. Felix could still smell the faint, floral perfume of the girlfriend clinging to Chan’s jacket.
“Does she know?” Felix had gasped out, his face pressed into the pillow. “Does she know what a... what a monster you are?”
Chan hadn't flinched. He had only leaned down, biting the sensitive skin of Felix’s shoulder hard enough to leave a mark that would take a week to fade. “She knows the version of me your parents know,” Chan whispered, his breath hot and steady. “The version you get... that’s a privilege, Lix.”
Privilege my ass.
Even though Chan had a girlfriend, he never stopped coming for Felix. To the world, Chan was the perfect, gentle boyfriend. He held her hand, he bought her flowers, and he played the part of the protective man.
Felix couldn't wrap his head around it. If Chan had access to a real girl’s pussy, why did he still want him?
Felix was consumed by a toxic enviousness. He wanted Chan’s life. He wanted to be the one standing tall, the one who wasn't being shoved into a mattress every two weeks by a man who claimed to be his childhood friends.
Driven by a desperate need to reclaim his masculinity, Felix tried to date. He found a girl, someone sweet and soft, hoping that by being with her, he could finally understand what it felt like to be the one in control. He wanted to be the man. He wanted to know the feeling of hovering over someone smaller, of being the protector instead of the victim.
But the sex never happened. The girl broke up with him.
That evening, a week after Chan’s broke up, Chan destroyed him. He pinned Felix down with a ferocity that felt like a punishment for ever trying to leave. The air was thick with the scent of sweat and desperation as Chan drove into him, his movements frantic and possessive.
“She didn't taste better than you, fuck, Lix,” Chan growled, his voice a ragged, breathless mess against Felix’s ear. “Why are you such a cockslut for me? No one else can even compare to you.”
Felix lay on the bed, his mind a blurred static of conflicting emotions. Chan’s words were a confirmation that he was better than the girl Chan supposedly loved, yet the praise was wrapped in the most degrading ways.
Chan was a psycho, a bully who used sex as a leash.
Just like now.
Felix lay there with almost no expression, staring blankly at the ceiling while Chan hovered over him. Every time Chan was here, they would fuck.
He couldn’t say no. Not just because of the threats or the history of bullying, but because deep down, he didn’t want to. He hated Chan and he hated whatever this routine had become. But he had become addicted to the very person who destroyed him.
He was trapped by his own desire as much as by Chan’s obsession.