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The invitation to Amelia and Link’s wedding was white with light green and blue cursive writing. There were matching florals dotted around, with gold centers.
Amelia was not a gold person. She was silver. And she wasn’t pastel or floral either, instead she was bold and vibrant. She wasn’t fragile and delicate like the invitation, she was a fucking firecracker.
And that’s what Arizona loved most about her.
She didn’t want to attend but she knew people would lift a brow if she didn’t. So she checked the ‘Happily attending’ box on the invitation (even though she was anything but happy about this) and sent it back.
Of fucking course Amelia looked absolutely stunning at the wedding — Arizona lost her breath at the sight of her walking down the aisle. Her heart skipped a beat at the realization that Amelia’s smile as she walked towards her future wasn’t a real smile. It was entirely fake.
Wasn’t it a bit sad that she knew Amelia better than her soon-to-be husband? Arizona found herself both ashamed and proud of that fact.
No one understood Amelia like Arizona did. And that was proof.
The brunette made eye contact with her for the briefest second but Arizona still managed to see the little spark in her eye.
As soon as both his parents were up at the podium and the officiant started to speak, Scout, being the two year old that he was, got bored and ran down the aisle until he reached Arizona’s row.
He stopped and stretched his arms out to her. Curse this child for being so damn cute and curse herself for sitting on the aisle seat of the bench.
Everyone in the audience chuckled softly and she couldn’t help but look up to see what Amelia’s reaction was.
Amelia was smiling so hard that her teeth and dimples showed — her genuine smile. And she wasn’t just looking at Scout, she was looking at Arizona too.
Her heart swooned but she snapped out of it, returning her attention to little Scout.
She grinned and reached out for him, placing him on her lap and wrapping her arms around him. She leaned her head on his head and rocked slightly side to side. Oh, how she loved this little one.
“You did so good up there, buddy. All those rose petals you threw are so pretty,” she whispered softly in his ear.
“Red is my favorite color,” he pointed at the rose petals on the floor beside her.
Red was Amelia’s favorite too.
For fuck’s sake, she told herself she wouldn’t cry but god, this was fucking brutal.
As they exchanged vows, it dawned on Arizona that Amelia was really doing this. She wasn’t backing out. She was saying these words with a smile on her face looking at a man she didn’t even love.
Even though she knew this was going to happen for the past half a year, she must’ve been in denial because as soon as they kissed to seal the deal, Arizona burst into tears.
Her heart shattered into pieces at that moment.
They walked hand in hand back down the aisle, Link with a grin on his face and Amelia with a matching one. But again, it wasn’t real — not really. Arizona has made Amelia grin harder than that dozens of times. And today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of Amelia’s life.
But simultaneously, it was the worst day of Arizona’s life.
Scout hopped off of her lap to join his parents as they walked back down the aisle. He forced his way in between them, beckoning them both to take his tiny hands. They walked the rest of the way hand in hand like the happy family they were.
Well, appeared to be.
Everything hurt but yet she couldn’t take her eyes off Amelia, she was ethereal. Her white dress clung to her body all the way down to the floor. It had some lace and an open-back.
It was only one week ago that she was trailing her tongue down Amelia’s spine, in complete bliss, trying to forget what was inevitably going to happen seven days later.
Sleeping with Amelia was somehow what got her mind off the wedding. But as soon as the high of their orgasms died down, it would hit her square in the face even harder than the time before.
Now, she couldn’t use sex to forget so she chose the next best thing to do the trick and went straight to the bar during cocktail hour.
She knew the newlyweds were taking photos for the next hour so she could get away with drinking way too much without Amelia noticing. Not that she would anyway.
“Can I get a bourbon? Neat.”
The pretty bartender nodded and smiled.
God, she needed it.
“Make that a double?”
The bartender giggled and Arizona saw a soft blush start to rise on her cheeks.
She was probably in her 20s — too young for her but it still felt good. Knowing she could pull a hot twenty-something year old boosted her ego a bit.
She downed the drink as soon as it came. She cringed at the burn but set it down and looked the girl in the eyes, “Another, please.”
“Coming right up,” she bit her lip and leaned over to grab Arizona’s glass. Her cleavage practically spilled out of her white button up top as she leaned — Arizona was sure it was purposeful.
The glass gets placed in front of her, this time slightly more alcohol in it.
“Thanks,” she winked and then downed it in one gulp again.
“Damn, I love a woman who can handle her liquor,” the bartender said, her head resting on her fist against the bar.
It didn’t take long for the four shots of bourbon to hit her, her stomach was empty after all. She couldn’t bear the thought of food on the day Amelia got married to someone else. Her Amelia.
“Believe it or not, I’m a bit of a lightweight.”
“Hm. That’s okay, I was trying to think of some sort of flirtatious remark and that was what I landed on…Did it work?” Her eyes were piercing blue and they were staring a hole into Arizona’s.
A loose smile spread across Arizona’s lips and she leaned forward, “How old are you?”
“23.”
“Fuck.”
“Well, how old are you?”
“Too old for you, I can tell you that much,” Arizona chuckled and shook her head.
“Impossible. My ex was 53. And I know you are nowhere near that age.”
Arizona’s eyebrows raised and she blinked. She wasn’t quite sure what to say to that.
“If I’m too young for you, that’s fine. But let’s just say…” she leaned in and pulled Arizona’s collar towards her, “You wouldn’t regret it.”
As the bartender let go of her, Arizona sat there shocked by how forward this woman was.
“If you change your mind, I'll be here all night,” she winked and went to serve a different wedding guest who was waiting.
When she turned around to face everyone else, the room tipped slightly. It felt good to be tipsy. She enjoyed how it gave her the relaxation that she’s lacked thus far.
x
Almost exactly an hour after cocktail hour began, the bride and groom were announced into the reception room.
“Please welcome, Mister and Missus Lincoln!”
They did a little dance to the song and Link spun Amelia around and then dipped her to kiss her.
Arizona had to look away, the sight made her feel ill.
She was at a table with Alex, Jo, April, Jackson, Bailey, and Richard. She was grateful that she had them during this difficult day. But none of them knew what she and Amelia did behind closed doors.
None of them knew how completely and utterly in love she was with the bride.
“You okay?” April elbowed her softly.
“Yeah sorry,” Arizona shook out of it, “I might’ve taken advantage of the open bar too soon…”
“Arizona,” April warned, “the reception just started.”
“Listen, the bourbon they have is stronger than I thought,” she paused before leaning in to April a little sloppily, “And the bartender wants to fuck me so I’ve been a little lost in thought about that.”
April’s head snapped to the bar, “That girl?”
“Mhmm.”
“Jesus, Arizona, you’re considering it, aren’t you?”
“I mean—“
“Oh my god,” April face palmed, “That girl is barely old enough to drink!”
“Yeah well, when a hot 23 year old hits on you, ya gotta consider it,” she shrugged.
“You have a point. She is really pretty,” April sighed and sipped her drink, “You should go for it.”
“April,” Arizona eyed her, “you were just saying she’s too young for me.”
“Yeah but,” April started, “you need a good lay. It’s been a long time.”
Well, not exactly.
“Yeah.”
She stared off at the bartender whose name she didn’t even know yet. She wondered if she could even bring herself to sleep with someone else. She’d been sleeping with Amelia for the past year and in love with her for at least ten months.
It didn’t take long for Arizona to fall in love with her. It was fast and hard. It hit her like a fucking freight train. Yet, she was still alive, trying to peel herself off the front. But every time, she got sucked back in.
She scrolled mindlessly through her phone while Amelia and Link did their first dance. There was no chance she could witness that — not when she and Amelia would always dance together in the bedroom that was supposed to be Link’s. And then fuck in the bed that was supposed to be Link’s.
She tried not to think about it — how Amelia would fuck her in the bed she shared with Link and then hours later, he’d come home and probably fuck Amelia in it too. It made her feel sick. But that clearly never stopped her, did it?
Thankfully, they’d never been caught. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t thought about what would happen if they were. Would Amelia push her into the closet (literally and figuratively) to hide when she heard Link enter their front door? Would she need to climb out of the bedroom window while Link cooked dinner for his fiancé?
She’d thought about coming clean to Link for months. But she knew she couldn’t betray Amelia like that. She couldn’t bring herself to do anything to hurt Amelia — she was too precious to lose.
x
A couple more drinks gave her the confidence to confront Amelia. She weaved through the dance floor, squeezing Amelia’s wrist and heading out of the room. She hoped Amelia was following her, or at least would be soon.
She made her way to the hotel’s empty hallway nearby, walking past some rooms.
“Arizona?” She heard from the opening of the hallway.
She glanced over her shoulder, catching Amelia’s eye. Amelia nodded her head in the direction of one of the rooms.
The brunette tugged a room key out from her dress and opened the door, entering quietly and holding it open for Arizona to follow.
Once the door was shut, Arizona looked around — Link’s belongings dotted around the place alongside Amelia’s. The room was huge, no doubt the honeymoon suite.
It hurt like hell.
“What is it?” Amelia asked, her brow furrowed in worry.
It was hard not to scoff — as if Amelia didn’t know how fucked up this whole day had been for Arizona.
“Why did you do it?”
“Arizona,” Amelia pinched the bridge of her nose and huffed a breath in annoyance, “I told you I was going to go through with it. If you didn’t believe me, then that’s on you.”
“Just tell me why,” Arizona kept her voice quiet, she knew if she didn’t, she would blow up.
“He’s a great father and a great guy! Nice guys are rare nowadays.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t mean marry the first nice guy you encounter. Let alone have a baby with him!”
Amelia’s eyes turned to stone and her jaw tightened.
“Amelia, you know that’s not what I meant—“
“Don’t you ever insinuate that I should regret my child!” Amelia’s finger was pointing in her face. She was angrier than Arizona had ever seen.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“
“He is the love of my life. And I am going to give him the happy family I never fucking had,” her eyes filled with tears, “And I will do anything to make that happen.”
“How the hell are you gonna give him a happy family when you will never be happy with his father!?”
Amelia deflated slowly, her eyes softening as she swallowed, “I love Link.”
“Not in the way a wife should love her husband,” she paused, her voice shaking before she spoke the very thing neither of them could admit before, “Not in the way you love me.”
Amelia’s lips tightened at that and she looked away.
There it was.
Confirmation.
“You’re hiding behind this whole ‘I’m doing this for Scout’ thing because you’re fucking scared.”
“You think I’m scared of you?” Amelia tutted.
“You’re scared of how I make you feel. You’re scared of accepting the love and devotion I give to you,” her voice shook, “God, Amelia, you think you put up this front and that I can’t see right through it?”
Amelia straightened her back and clenched her jaw, “You don’t get it.”
“Oh, I get it,” Arizona took a step closer, “I get that you’re a damn coward.”
“Don’t fucking say that!” Amelia lunged forward and pushed Arizona against the wall.
Her eyes were fiery and all Arizona could do was watch with wide eyes and breathe heavily.
Amelia’s hands were still on her shoulders holding her firmly in place but they began to loosen up, her hands beginning to shake softly.
“Please, just,” Amelia teared up, “don’t tell me things I already know. It hurts too much,” her voice was barely above a whisper.
It took no time at all for Arizona to decide to lean forward and kiss her gently.
She could never resist Amelia Shepherd.
Amelia kissed her back and brought her hand up to cup Arizona’s cheek.
The blonde felt the cold metal from Amelia’s ring on her cheek, which was something she was used to. But as of a couple hours ago, there was another ring, adding to the chill.
It reminded her how fucking angry she still was. She couldn’t help herself when she grunted and bit at Amelia’s bottom lip, tightening her grip on the brunette’s hips.
Amelia moaned softly and it added to the flames in Arizona’s lower belly.
“That cute bartender out there wants me,” Arizona whispered into Amelia’s ear, “I thought maybe it would be a good idea to take her behind the bar when she’s done with her shift.”
Amelia turned her head to look at her, her brow furrowed hard and her hand clamped on her jaw, “You’re not doing that.”
“Oh, but I might.”
She swore she could see Amelia’s eyes alight with fury.
“No,” Amelia’s teeth clenched as she let go of Arizona’s jaw. Her hand made its way down her button-up and tugged at her trousers, “She won’t feel nearly as good as I do.”
And then, Amelia Shepherd was plunging deep into her while wearing a wedding dress.
She’d had fantasies like this before. Though, she always pictured herself in a wedding dress as well.
She never really wanted to get married again but it crossed her mind more than a couple times when it came to Amelia. The thoughts weren’t welcome but they set up shop in Arizona’s brain and even visited her dreams from time to time.
She was pinned to the door of the hotel room and she could hear people walking by on the other side. Muffled voices and footsteps that she could tell were some of her friends. She heard April’s laugh and Jo’s loud voice.
And they had no idea what was happening on the other side of yet another closed door.
That truth dug into her skin like a dagger, etching Amelia’s name into her body, leaving a permanent scar across her heart.
But she ignored it like she always did, instead basking in the pleasure Amelia was giving her.
She tried to keep as quiet as possible but it was proving to be difficult. Amelia felt so good. She always felt so good.
The brunette leaned into Arizona’s neck, her lips against her ear, “Be loud for me, you know I like to hear you.”
Arizona moaned loudly solely from the rasp of Amelia’s voice against her ear, it was so fucking hot.
Her thumb pressed softly against her clit, and Arizona’s almost fell down the door but Amelia caught her, pinning her harder against it. She could feel the scratchy lace moving against her.
“Yes,” she said, throwing her arms around her neck, pulling her impossibly close, “Harder, baby. Fuck me hard. Please.”
She needed it rough or else she’d run the risk of breaking down and sobbing. She’d choose the pain through pleasure rather than the pain of her thoughts any day.
Amelia obliged, quickly tearing off Arizona’s trousers and shirt. As soon as she was naked, Amelia flipped her around to fuck her from behind.
Her cheek pressed against the door and she wondered if the circle of the peephole would be marked into her skin. Maybe it would imprint on her forever, a harsh reminder of the physical and mental door standing between them and reality. The peephole a representation of how easy it is to see the other side but how impossible it is to reach through it.
But suddenly she was being turned back around, Amelia’s lips finding her own, kissing her slowly and deeply as she fucked into her. And when the brunette pulled her lips away, Arizona swore she saw tears well up in her eyes.
“I love how you feel. I love how wet you get for me. I love everything about this,” Amelia rasped, “Fuck, you’re right. I do love you. I love you, Arizona.”
Amelia pounded harder into her while her eyes conveyed such adoration. Arizona found herself nearing the edge.
The hottest thing about Amelia right now was how vulnerable she was being.
“Say it again.”
“I am madly in love with you,” Amelia whispered against her lips.
Arizona came so hard, she nearly passed out.
They stood there, breathing heavily for a few minutes before Amelia spoke up.
“I want to do this forever,” she said, breathless, “but I can’t.”
Arizona opened her eyes and saw tears flowing down Amelia’s cheeks.
“You can actually. You’re just choosing not to,” there was a slight bite to her tone but she couldn’t help it.
It annoyed her how Amelia was the one crying right now when she was the one making this decision — a decision that breaks both of their hearts. What was the reason?
“You’re making the wrong decision,” Arizona started searching for her clothes, putting them on as quickly as possible, “Your little boy is going to grow up in an unhappy household. One where his parents don’t love each other but pretend everything is okay.”
She knew it was harsh but she couldn’t keep her mouth shut — she cared about Scout and she didn’t want him growing up with a mother who was never truly happy in her marriage.
“This isn't about choosing between him or me. This is a choice between making Link happy or making yourself and Scout happy in the long run. Even if you don’t want to be with me, Amelia, at least do right by your son.”
“Why are you acting like you know Scout better than I do?”
“I know just as well as you do that kids are intuitive. They pick up on things easily. He will know. All kids do.”
Amelia ran a hand over her face, looking at the ceiling briefly, “I think you should go.”
“Yeah, already on it,” Arizona collected herself, took a quick look in the mirror to fluff her hair and turned the doorknob, “Get the damn annulment.”
She never looked back to see Amelia’s reaction, just let the door slam behind her and walked out of the hotel and into her car.
She was done.
They were done.