Chapter Text
Albert could still see Jake in his dreams. his brown eyes, ones that used to look at him with adoration, now looked at him with disgust. Albert tried sleeping the days away, multiple bottles of melatonin gummies sat on his nightstand. Recently, jake had started showing up in his dreams again. fuck. just when he thought the could get away from him by sleeping.
the silence rung in his ears, he started at the ceiling, half lidded eyes hallucinating jake’s face on the roof. he wanted sleep to be more than just sleep. albert wanted it to press the world flat, to make it quiet for even just a moment. he wanted the memories of jake gone. he hoped that maybe sleep would blur the edges of him, until nobody expected anything of him anymore.
he picked up his phone, which felt cold, and went straight to his messages with the one who he loved before, Jake. the previous messages read, “i love you”. all of those were just bullshit, jake was full of lies.
albert shakily got up, his legs quivering as his body grew weaker. his eyes scanned the room, looking for an alcohol bottle he knew he had placed earlier. the dryness in his throat was sickening, it was aching for a drink other than something containing alcohol.
he picked up an already open bottle of “titos handmade vodka” which he was drinking earlier. the cold breeze passed through the window once made him shiver, yet now he felt nothing. he sat down, staring outside, lifting the bottle to his mouth. the liquid that ran down his throat never tasted good, but that’s what it’s intended to do, isn’t it?
no matter how much liquid he forces down his throat, he won’t feel the happiness he felt before, with jake. alcohol was his escape from the real world, the cruel, harsh reality that has become upon him. hes gonna have to get over Jake one day, but today’s perhaps not that day. jakes the wound that albert keeps trying to reopen, if he let it scar, it would mean jakes really gone.
rdc was coming up, and jake’s going to be there. albert’s been pondering for a couple days now if he should just not go, but he has to, right? he can’t just leave his fans wondering where he is, let alone his friends. after minutes of drunken thoughts, he decided to go there and stay for a reasonable amount of time, and to NOT talk to jake, no matter what.
jake's probably at some stupid religious thing, one sudden day he started going to church every day, and then their friendship broke. they didn't even date yet, but oh were they close. so close.
jake's on his knees, whispering prayers to God. maybe in another life he was a girl, and could be with albert. maybe in another life, being gay wasn't a sin. the more he thought about it, the more desperate he was to get this filthy feeling out of him.
never in his life did he once even think of being religious, but after meeting albert, everything changed. he didn't like boys, he wasn't gay. at least he thought. being gay was a sin, he didn't want to go to hell, he didn't want to disappoint God.
every night he prays, hoping that God would have mercy on him and remove the feeling he has. minutes later, he ends the prayer, tears forming in his eyes.
moonlight shone between the holes in his curtains, his girlfriends faint singing was muffled in the shower. he did love his girlfriend, he was just confused?. this feeling would go away, one way or another.
he wiped his tear-filled eyes, the sweet aroma of his girlfriends floral-scented body wash filled the room, but it wasn't the citrusy one albert used to use. he didn't want to compare his girlfriend to albert, but after being in love with the only guy he could have for almost a decade, it came naturally.
a loud sigh came from jake as he unlocked his phone, going on twitter to ease his mind. the first couple tweets were horror images of david bazucki, to which he giggled a little to. as he kept scrolling, his smile was wiped from his mouth. albert kept popping up. everywhere. jake clicked on a clip from one of albert's recent videos.
he didn't even mean to click it, but he couldn't keep his eyes off him. faint dark circles were forming under albers eyes, his face just looked.. drained in a way. people weren't realising it, but jake did. he always did. albert's voice was flat, like he didn't want to make a video.
jake threw his phone next to him, sighing loudly as albert's voice came through, muffled, but you could tell it was albert. his girlfriends came in, her hair wrapped up in the towel, which was getting wetter by the second.
these past couple weeks, they've been arguing. jake acts gay with albert, showing him more love in one video than he ever has to her. she had every right to be mad. his own girlfriend was like a side chick whilst he hides his secret 'boyfriend' who he isn't even dating.
she looks at him and feels sympathy for a couple seconds, his eyes full of tears and his face going a little red. until she heard it, albert's voice. he wasn't over him yet, though nobody was sure if he ever would be. she sighed before leaving the room, quickly and quietly.
jake didn't want to be gay, he wanted to live a perfect life with his girlfriend. but he couldn't, he never would be able to. if albert's in his life, jake would always find his way back to him. he tried moving countries, tried not speaking to him, but whenever he sees albert's face, that damn face that used to look at him with admiration, he goes back. jake couldn't help it, feeling that much hidden love for someone makes you want to be near them at all times, but he's not gay. he never will be.