Chapter Text
I stare at the time on my phone, before I set it aside with a heavy sigh.
Sendai-san is a liar.
She’s the one who said we should keep the rules we had as roommates, yet she’s not back home yet.
We should be eating dinner by now, since she doesn’t have her tutoring job today. But even though it’s approaching seven in the evening, Sendai-san does not appear in my messages, or at our doorstep.
My eyes drift from the cat chopstick rests, to the mugs I got her for her birthday.
Traces of Sendai-san linger throughout this house, but the actual person has vanished without a trace.
I pick up my phone and look at the time again.
Every minute corresponds to the depth at which my heart sinks, and the hour represents my level of distrust in Sendai-san.
With another heavy sigh, I turn my phone off and set it face-down on the table, sealing its surface away from me forever. Looking at the time only worsens my mood, and it’s not like constantly looking at it will make time flow faster, or make Sendai-san come home sooner.
I sit in the shared space for a few more minutes, hoping futilely that I hear the door being unlocked. When that doesn’t happen, I go back into my room and collapse onto my bed.
I should do something to pass the time, but my body feels lethargic, and I don’t want to do anything.
Sendai-san deserves a punishment for breaking the rules, but I can’t punish her if she never comes back home.
I bury my head deeper in the pillow, but it only stains my thoughts in the darkness.
Is it because something suddenly popped up? But she would have texted me by now to inform me that she’d be coming late.
Maybe her phone battery ran out early, but Sendai-san isn’t that careless to not charge her phone. Besides, even if that were the case, she could just borrow someone’s phone to call me.
Or maybe—
I sit up and shake my head fervently.
Sendai-san has kept her promises, time and time again. So I should have a little more faith in her.
“Come home, Hazuki.”
The name I softly say fades away into the stale air of my room, replaced with the muted ringtone of my phone, still outside.
I hastily stand up and rush back into the shared space. Picking up my phone, Sendai-san’s name is displayed on the screen.
When I answer her call, Sendai-san’s voice floats into my ears.
“Miyagi.” Her voice is unusually soft, even by her standards.
“Where are you, Sendai-san?”
I didn’t intend to, but the question stuck in my head bursts forward, leaking with discontentment. “The rule was that we’d tell each other if we were running late, right? Sendai-san, you liar.”
The call lapses into silence for a moment. “I’m in the hospital.”
“What?”
The annoyance that was building up in me evaporates in an instant.
“I’m in the hospital.”
Sendai-san repeats herself, but I heard her correctly the first time.
My brain just refuses to accept her words.
“I’m sorry for telling you so late, but I called you as soon as I could.” Sendai-san explains. “I got dizzy and collapsed, so Mio rushed me to the hospital. It’s nothing—”
“Where?”
“Eh?”
My legs move of their own accord. My phone ends up on my bed as I get ready to head outside. “Which hospital? I’m coming over now.”
“Miyagi, hold on a moment.”
I change out of my home wear and make a beeline for the door.
I feel out of breath, and my vision tunnels.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Sendai-san didn’t tell me she was late because she couldn’t. I should have known. I should have checked with Mio.
When I leave our apartment, the nearby buildings pop into view, shrouded by the night. The light filtering through their windows appears dimmer, and the clouds overhead blot out the moon.
My heart pounds as I set my phone aside to put my shoes on.
“Miyagi, wait.”
Sendai-san collapsed? What does that mean? What caused her to faint? Is she exhausted? Does she have any health complications? Is she hiding something from me that she doesn’t want me to know?
The world that was once familiar is now rapidly closing in on me, and the number of unknowns spirals out of control, gripping my heart tightly.
I bring the phone back to my ear. “Sendai-san—”
“Shiori!”
My first name roots me in place, and my breath hitches in my throat. I close my eyes and exhale, before speaking.
“I didn’t say you could call me that.”
“Miyagi.” Sendai-san’s voice returns to normal. “I’m fine. Go back into the house, okay?”
“I am in the house.” I lie, sitting on our doorstep.
“But you’re getting ready to leave, right?”
“I said I’m coming over, so tell me which hospital you’re at now.”
“I will, but it’s already late, and I don’t want you to go out alone now.”
“Why not? You’ve been out at this time before.” I voice my complaints.
In a similar fashion, Sendai-san left the house previously to visit her sister when she was sick. That time, she left while we were in the middle of watching a horror movie, and didn’t come back until midnight.
Unwelcome memories of being alone and frightened resurface, and the urge to see Sendai-san’s face only grows.
“I know. But the hospital is still some distance away. Even if you come now, it’ll be past visiting hours.”
“Then I’ll ask the hospital staff to make an exception, and I’ll stay over.”
“I don’t want that, Miyagi. You’ll have to sleep in an uncomfortable position, and you still have university tomorrow.”
“Sleeping uncomfortably is fine, and I can just skip university.”
“Just because you did it once doesn’t mean you should do it again. You’ll make Utsunomiya worry about you if you lie.”
She offers reasons that I can’t come over, but I’m reluctant to accept it. Not being able to visit her means that I won’t see her for the rest of tonight, and it’ll be the first night since moving in together that I won’t see her.
Just thinking about it is unbearable.
“Miyagi, I’m fine. Really.” Sendai-san reassures me.
“If you’re fine, then—”
Is there no way to come back earlier?
The question I want to ask is awful. So awful, I can’t bring myself to say it out loud.
I purse my lips together, closing my eyes. Such things shouldn’t be said.
“Then?”
“It’s nothing,” I mumble. “How long do you have to stay there?”
“Three days, just for observation. The doctor told me I collapsed from exhaustion, but they want to make sure there aren’t any complications.”
Not just tonight, but tomorrow night, and the night after that, I’ll be by myself in this house.
My thoughts only seem to grow murkier with the night, and I rest my forehead on my phone in a futile effort to feel her warmth.
“I really want to come back and see you.” She softly confesses, as though she’s read my mind. “But I’ve already tried asking the doctor, and she’s insistent I stay.”
“Listen to the doctor and rest, Sendai-san.” I murmur, opening my eyes as I return the phone to my ear. “I’ll come visit you tomorrow.”
Objectively, three days is a small period of time if it ensures Sendai-san’s health. I want her to come back as quickly as possible, but the foremost priority is her returning to my side safely.
Besides, it’s not like she will be gone for three full days; I’ll be able to visit her tomorrow.
Just for one night.
It’ll be fine.
“Alright.” Sendai-san softly says. “Have you eaten dinner yet?”
“I haven’t.”
“You should eat now. And make a proper meal.”
“What do you want me to make?”
“Anything you want. Just no instant noodles.”
“But cooking just for myself is a hassle.”
I understand that Sendai-san’s worried about me being by myself, but I can’t help but voice my grievances.
“You can go out and get something, or you can eat dinner with Utsunomiya. I’ll make all the hamburg steak you want when I come back, so please just bear with it for now.”
“...I’ll eat properly, so don’t worry, Sendai-san.”
“Promise me, Miyagi.”
Sendai-san’s tone carries some urgency, making it difficult to say otherwise.
“In exchange, you have to promise me that you’ll sleep early, Sendai-san.”
Sendai-san is worried about me, but the opposite is true as well. It would be unfair if she asks me to take care of myself without me demanding something similar in return.
“I’ll take care of myself properly.”
The phone call remains silent for a moment, before she responds, “I just kissed my phone, so the promise has been sealed on your earrings.”
“Don’t do that.” I reply, frowning at the image in my head. “That’s dirty.”
“It’s to keep the promise, so it’s fine.”
“It’s not fine. I already said it’s a promise, right? Don’t do silly things and get sick.”
It would be troublesome if Sendai-san fell ill and had to extend her stay in the hospital.
“Okay, okay.” She softly laughs.
A moment passes before she quietly adds, “Also… I’m sorry. For breaking the rules.”
Rules like these always existed between the two of us. They separated what was permissible from what wasn’t, and without them, our relationship would never have gone further than classmates.
I used to tell myself frequently that if Sendai-san ever broke them, I wouldn’t trust her again. But the negative emotions that were simmering in my heart are now nowhere to be found.
“It was out of your control.”
“Still, I must have made you worry. So I’m sorry.”
“Sendai-san, stop apologising like you’ve done something wrong.”
“I have done something wrong.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
I sigh softly. “I was worried because I thought something bad happened, but I’m relieved that you’re okay. So forget about it and rest.”
“Okay.” Sendai-san murmurs.
“If something like this happens again, and I learn you’re not taking care of yourself properly, then I’ll get seriously angry.”
“Okay.”
“Sendai-san, say something else other than ‘okay.’”
The call goes silent for a moment, before my phone buzzes. When I examine the screen, Sendai-san’s prompting me to start a video call with her.
Without thinking, my finger presses the accept button, and her face appears on my screen.
“Hi, Miyagi.” Sendai-san softly smiles. Her hair which is usually held up by braids is now fully let down, and I can see the top of the hospital gown she’s wearing.
I realise that my lie about being in the house is now exposed, but I grumble, “I said say something else, not do something else.”
The me reflected on the screen furrows her eyebrows.
“I wanted to see you.” She says in an earnest tone that’s hard to deny. “But I didn’t want you to rush over at this hour, so I thought of this instead.”
Sendai-san’s face is reassuring, but through the screen, it still feels unfulfilling. The notion that something is missing persists, and the chilly night air doesn’t help with dispelling these thoughts.
On such days, she should be here by my side, not somewhere far away where I can’t feel her presence. But for tonight, we only have this video call to connect the both of us.
“…Does it help?”
“It’s not enough. I want to come back and hold you and kiss you.”
Hearing such words makes my frown deepen. “Pervert.”
“I wouldn’t mind doing those things with you too, Miyagi.”
“Even if you were home, I wouldn’t let you do that with me.”
“You’re so stingy.”
Sendai-san smiles, before adding, “Oh, before I forget— I’m home.”
“Why are you saying that? You’re in the hospital right now.” I mutter, shifting my leg as though to kick her.
“I know, but it didn’t feel right not saying it. So— I’m home.”
“…Welcome back.”
As though it was a spell, mumbling the familiar words I’d gotten used to saying everyday helps calm my beating heart.
When you’re alone, these words hold no meaning, and you’ll stop saying them after a while. But telling someone else them means that the house will no longer be empty, chasing away unwanted feelings that lurk in the silence.
So, hearing that Sendai-san also places importance on these words makes me relieved as well.
“I already feel better hearing you say that.”
“No need to get complacent, Sendai-san.”
“I really mean it. I’ll ask again tomorrow if I can go home early.”
“Even so, you’ll have to keep the promise as long as you’re in the hospital, so sleep early.”
“Okay, okay.”
Both me and Sendai-san look at each other in silence for a while.
I actually don’t mind it, but staring at my own expression is awkward, and it’s likely the call would go on forever if I don’t end the call myself.
“Sendai-san, if there’s nothing else, I’m hanging up.”
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Her voice is so soft I nearly miss it, and her wistful expression sends a pang of pain into my heart.
Quelling it with the thought of visiting tomorrow, I reply with a brisk “See you.” and end the call. A few moments later, a text message from Sendai-san comes through, telling me the hospital’s address.
I softly sigh and take off my shoes.
Sendai-san is waiting for me somewhere in the distance, but even if I know where she is, she seems fleeting and out of reach.
Without her here, tomorrow suddenly seems so impossibly far away, and the seconds have already begun to stretch on endlessly.
I ball my hands into fists, before relaxing them.
Just for one night.
It’ll be fine.
I turn and walk back into our house. Sendai-san’s absence is prominent, and the shared space feels too big for one person.
I stand in front of the counter, wondering what to make for dinner.
On most days, I would be content with instant noodles, but I’ve already made the promise with Sendai-san.
I consider pre-packaged meals for a moment, since they’re technically healthier and convenient. Ultimately, it feels unfair as a roundabout to our promise, so I decide against it.
After a few moments of debating, I give up and decide on making hamburg steak. The events of today have made me unexpectedly tired, and I want to cook something I’m already familiar with making by myself.
And because I’m tired, I want to return to my room and rest, so I decide to skip out on the salad.
Once I put the rice in the cooker, I start working on the hamburg steak, reusing the same recipe as last time. Minced onions, ground meat, egg, breadcrumbs, sprinkled with salt and pepper.
Mix, shape and fry.
Because it’s simple to make, the process is almost automatic, and within a few minutes the hamburg steak is done.
I plate it along with a bowl of rice, and mumble to myself an ‘Let’s eat.’ This time, Sendai-san’s voice doesn’t say it together with me.
I don’t feel much satisfaction from eating my dinner.
Even with the sauce, the meat tastes blander today. My tastebuds seem to have lost their effectiveness, and the meal today is far from enjoyable.
It’s not nearly as delicious as the one Sendai-san makes.
My eyes drift from my half-eaten hamburg steak to the empty chair opposite me.
She should be sitting there, using her mug, eating dinner with chopsticks that would have been resting on her chopstick rests. Or maybe she would instead make the hamburg steak, and look at me with her smile—
Another sigh escapes me.
Thinking about such things is no good, and won’t bring Sendai-san back quicker.
Without someone to talk to, the hamburg steak disappears quickly, and I wash the dishes afterwards.
When I get ready to return to my room, Sendai-san’s door comes into view.
You can come into my room without asking.
That was what Sendai-san told me before.
I haven’t needed to since then, but I now find myself standing in front of her door.
My hand inches towards her doorknob, before I retract it.
Even though I’m allowed to come in, doing so for the first time feels daunting. It’s like I’m doing something forbidden, and the contents of the room might change completely with my intrusion, twisting something familiar beyond recognition.
But lingering outside only makes the empty feeling in my chest grow, and I doubt I would be able to calm down if I returned to my room.
I want to call Sendai-san to confirm, yet I worry that I’ll disturb her if she’s already asleep.
The two conflicting feelings clash inside me, rooting my feet to the floor.
Unable to do anything, I rest my forehead against her door.
This feeling within me is something familiar— but also something I haven’t felt in a while.
Yes, there is no mistaking it.
This is loneliness.
Dreadfully creeping into my heart, making it difficult to stay still.
When did being alone feel so lonely again?
“Hazuki.” I murmur against the wood.
I should’ve called her Hazuki. I should’ve said something more than ‘See you.’ I should have kept the call going just to have her reassure me, even if she’s not here in person.
The worry that something bad is going to happen, that she won’t be back in this house—
The pool of regrets around me deepens, latching onto my heels.
Unable to struggle with my thoughts anymore, I turn the doorknob and push the door open.
Sendai-san’s room lies before me, unchanged. The bedsheets are neatly folded, and the textbooks are where they were yesterday on the table.
I cautiously step forward, gripping my arm.
It feels unnatural being here without Sendai-san, and I slowly exhale to relieve my uneasiness.
But the darkness has been chased away by the ceiling light.
This house— and the things inside— are all precious to her, so she will come back.
The platypus and penguin in her room gaze at me, calming the ripples stirring across my heart.
I make my way back to my room to bring the crocodile and black cat over, before I arrange them all on the bed. Together, they form a little zoo, the same one Sendai-san made for me to comfort me when I was sick.
Once again, I’ll have to rely on the animals for a little boost.
I lie in her bed, wrapping myself in the soft duvet.
Sendai-san will come back.
Because I’m waiting for her, she’ll come back.