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Xinlong learns early how to stand slightly out of frame
At fansigns, variety shows and encore stages, he knew his place and it was never between kim geonwoo and lee sangwon. That place is claimed. Loved by fans who chant them as they were one.
“Geonat! Geonat!”
Xinlong smiles when the camera turns his way, He claps when he's supposed to. He learns how to look away at the right moments.
But it hurts
To pretend to be fine seeing geonwoo’s hand resting on sangwon’s waist. Seeing them lean closer as the fans scream. Doing more than the required script the company provided to garner popularity for the group. Maybe geonwoo do enjoy doing this. He seems pretty good to act this forced skinship, smiling too wide for someone who was forced to flirt with his member for the public.
The company is right
The way his hands linger on xinlong’s shoulders every time they’re together, the way his eyes dart to xinlong in every interview, the way he rubs xinlong’s ears when he notices his shyness
It's all nothing compared to his and sangwon’s chemistry.
Xinlong tells himself none of it means anything, Brotherly love. Geonwoo is just kind
So he decides to step back. For the best. Even if it's just fanservice he can't let his stupid feelings ruin it for the group.
He starts to ignore geonwoo. For weeks. He ignores his texts, leaves the practise room early as an excuse of being tired and even starts to sit next to Leo in their livestreams.
Sometimes xinlong can feel geonwoo’s eyes burning a hole in the back of his head.
Leo becomes a habit
Xinlong didn’t realize how much he said "I love you’” to Leo as it became a natural thing. He finds themselves sitting together during practice breaks, sharing snacks and can’t help but feel flustered when Leo compliments his dancing, his laugh and calls him cute almost everyday.
Xinlong feels like he could enjoy their bond more if he didn’t notice how weird geonwoo started acting recently when he and leo are together and the intense gaze geonwoo gives as if xinlong did something wrong.
Once, during practice, Leo rested his hands against Xinlong's waist to help with a dance move.
The music stops midway.
“Again” Geonwoo says, staring straight at them.
Leo looks confused “Did i do something?”
Geonwoo fixes his expression “I think im just tired” and immediately leaves the room
The members look confused as Geonwoo is usually the last one to leave the practise room.
That night, geonwoo didn’t come for dinner. Xinlong tries to ignore the worried feeling lingering in his mind.
It's past midnight
The dorm is silent and xinlong takes quiet steps to the kitchen so as not to wake anyone up.
“Long ah” he heard behind him
Xinlong's heart stopped beating. Only one person called him like this.
He turned slowly to find geonwoo whose face looked like he havent slept in days.
“Hyung?” he swallows
Geonwoo walks closer until xinlong realises his back touched the wall. The air was thick in the narrow hallway and xinlong knew he couldn't escape.
Before xinlong could process he felt a head resting on his shoulders. The man in front of him was slumping to xinlong’s shoulders looking frustrated
“Why are you doing this to me?’
“Doing what?”
“Ignoring. Pretending i dont exist”
The words hit hard on xinlong’s heart
“I didn’t-...”
Geonwoo exhales sharply “You stopped answering my texts, you don’t sit with me….
And suddenly you need Leo to breathe.” His jaw tightens “Tell me why”
Xinlong’s throat tightens “ I'm doing this for you. It's for the best.”
He avoids his eyes as geonwoo looks up at him
Geonwoo laughs darkly “you don't get to decide what’s best for me”
“I do when it's about your career!” xinlong regrets the sharpness of his tone “you look happy with sangwon. The company loves it. The fans love it. I don't want to ruin it for them” he says as he holds back tears.
Geonwoo gazed at him intensely “is that what you think? Something to ruin me?”
“We don’t have anything special” xinlong’s voice cracks “so why does it matter?”
“Dont say that” geonwoo cups xinlong’s face like it will disappear if he doesn't. He looks onto the round wet eyes
“Long ahh i would stop doing this fanservice thing if you keep ignoring me. I don’t care if it ruins my career. I can’t even sleep thinking of you being closer to everyone but me. You’re the only one I need. You are more to me than the company and the fans”
Xinlong’s heart beats violently. He can’t breathe properly “Hyung I...I don't want you to regret. I-”
Before he could finish he felt geonwoo’s lips on his
The kiss was slow, hesitant like geonwoo thought he was gonna break.
Xinlong couldn’t hide it anymore. He kisses back
Sensing this geonwoo deepen the kiss taking every inch of his mouth. He thrust his tongue on the other’s roof hungrily tasting everything like a hunter who finally catched his prey
Xinlong tried to reciprocate the same intensity but he felt a hand under his shirt gripping his waist tight. He felt dizzy
He felt the hand rising up to his chest, pinching one of his nipples. He lets out a moan which gets covered as geonwoo sucks his tongue. Xinlong was sure the members would wake up with how loud the dorm filled with wet noises.
He painfully pulls apart leaving them both breathless
“We cant” he whispers
“I know” Geonwoo replies. He presses his forehead to xinlong “But don’t leave me again”
Xinlong nods
He dosen’t
The fan meeting was loud, chaotic and cheery.
The group falls into their usual rhythm and plays a game where they pick a task
Sangwon picks a task and reads “you and the person next to you should give compliments to each other”
Everyone including xinlong knew it was geonwoo always next to sangwon. That's how it was assigned by the company. Xinlong prepares to watch, heart still hurting a little but feeling lighter than he expected this time.
But suddenly he saw Sangwon coming towards him.
He felt his hand being dragged and now he's standing at sangwon’s place.
“I actually picked this task for xinlong”
The fans scream immediately
Xinlong’s mind blanks but geonwoo wastes no time. He leans close, smiling “you look very cute today” he says. “You always do”
The crowd started swooning
At the same time, Sangwon smiles and watches them while his arm draped around Leo's shoulders, gaining a surprise gasp from the fans.
Xinlong meets Geonwoo's eyes smiling wide showing his dimples
And for the first time xinlong found his place and it is with geonwoo