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“Two lonely people sitting in a bar… sounds like there is a joke in there somewhere.”
That was how it started. Meredith was sitting at Joe’s, trying, and failing, to convince herself that she was actually going celibate. Sure, she had slept with George, but she had done way worse before. And that could probably be blamed more on the alcohol she had consumed than anything else, and here she was, two rounds of tequila into the night and signaling to Joe for another.
She looked to her right, seeing Addison sitting a couple stools down from her, deep blue eyes red around the edges meeting her own.
“What do you mean?” Meredith tried to shake the fuzziness the tequila had started to cause from her head. “You and Derek are…” Together? Happy? Definitely not that. Fine? Meredith tried to look for the word to finish her sentence, but Addison beat her to it.
“Officially over,” Addison averted her eyes from Meredith’s gaze, almost shy now that she had let the admission slip, as if she hadn’t meant to. The tips of her ears peeking out from behind her tucked hair went the slightest bit pink. “Divorce papers signed and everything.”
“Oh, Addison, I’m sorry,” Meredith replied. And she was, on some level, she supposed. She was sorry that Addison hadn’t gotten what she wanted. But she wasn’t sorry that she wasn’t with Derek anymore. He had pitted both of them against each other in that little game of his, twirling them around his finger, waiting for one of them to snap. It was half the reason she started dating that dull vet. But even that had fallen through, and here she was, talking to the only other person who could possibly understand the disappointment that was Derek Shepherd, and still have wanted him anyway.
Wanted. When did that happen Meredith wondered? Somewhere between telling Derek he should have told her he was married to the most gorgeous woman she had ever seen in her life to now, sitting in front of said woman, she had stopped hopelessly pining over the married brain surgeon. Or, perhaps, ex-married brain surgeon.
And maybe, just maybe, Addison also thought of Derek in the past tense. Maybe they could have something in common, besides being two lonely people in a bar, instead of constantly shooting daggers at each other at the hospital. It’d certainly make her working hours easier. Meredith sent a small wish up to the universe, but when had the universe ever had her back?
“Don’t be, it was a long time coming,” Addison took a long swing from her beer, “But, what am I saying? You’ve got that handsome vet waiting at your beck and call.”
“We, uh, broke up. He was a bit boring, if I’m being honest. Safe, even stable, sure. But boring,” Meredith took a sip of her own drink, looking back up to see a small smile tug at the corner of Addison's mouth.
“Of course, Meredith Grey can’t handle boring. It’s not in your DNA,” Addison nodded knowingly, and Meredith wondered if she should take that as a compliment or not before deciding it was too true to take offence to it, deciding to instead become puzzled over how Addison had reached the point of knowing her well enough to comment on the predictability of her actions. “Well, you did what was right for you, I suppose.”
Meredith nodded, signaling her approval at the assessment of her love life by the red head.
“Good girl.” Meredith whipped her head up, eyes connecting with Addison’s glinting gaze, a full on smirk playing on her lips now. Meredith’s brain short circuited as heat flooded her cheeks, and she hoped to God that Addison wouldn’t notice the flush she was sure was starting to color her face. She had felt the same way when Addison told her the same phrase for the first time after she revealed she hadn’t taken Derek back. It felt like an entirety ago now.
She quickly knocked back the rest of her tequila, averting her eyes from Addison’s, scrambling to feel anything but the confusing mix of emotions currently attacking her. Evidently, she threw back her drink too quickly, tequila hitting the back of her throat with a slight burn, going down all wrong, as Meredith struggled to take in another breath and started sputtering and coughing.
“Meredith! Are you quite alright?” Addison jumped up from her seat and strode over to where Meredith was trying to regain her composure, eyes starting to tear up from the effort. Meredith felt a warm hand at her back rubbing slow circles, and belatedly realized it had to be Addison’s. The sudden closeness of the red head only made her breath feel further out of reach, and Meredith felt her heart rate sky rocket. Between her choking on her tequila, Addison calling her a “good girl,” and now her steady hand on her back, Meredith’s heart was surely working at its maximum capacity.
“Breathe, Meredith. Don’t die on me now,” Addison joked, and Meredith relaxed just the tiniest bit, enough to get some fresh air back into her lungs, after one more sputtered cough, for good measure.
“Please, me dying in the hands of one of the highest ranked surgeons in the country? It’s statistically impossible,” she turned around to look towards Addison, creating the slightest bit of space between them.
“I don’t know that my pediatric experience would be much help in your choking situation, but I’m glad for the confidence in my abilities nevertheless.” Addison chuckled, looking almost abashed as she glanced towards the ground. She’s so cute when she’s flustered, Meredith’s brain supplied unhelpfully.
Meredith needed to stop this train of thought, and fast, before her libido took control over her brain. It would seem that the whole celibacy thing had backfired worse than she could have ever imagined, and now she was getting all hot and bothered for the woman people quite literally referred to as “Satan.” And the ex-wife of her boss/one night stand/man she may have been in love with at some point, of all things! It was her celibacy stint, she was sure of it. Nothing her vibrator back at home couldn’t fix later that night, but right now she needed to get a grasp of the situation.
“Why’d you break up with Derek?” Meredith blurted out. Addison looked taken aback at the sudden question, eyebrows knitting together briefly before her expression settled into a painted neutral. Addison took a slight step back as she answered, going to sit in the stool next to her. Meredith immediately missed her presence.
“I don’t want to be with him anymore, Meredith. I haven’t for a long time. He’s cruel, and cold, and childish. I slept with his best friend because I was so fed up with him for God’s sake!” A few eyes from around the bar turned to glance at the two of them and Addison took a small breath before continuing, now at a lower volume. “I came here to try and regain some control over the life I had so carefully constructed for myself back in New York, before realizing it was all a mirage. There is no me and Derek anymore, and maybe there never really was, who knows. He can fuck off in his trailer now for all I care.” Any pretense of embarrassment on Addison’s part had faded as the words hung between them, heavy in the air. It felt like a confession to Meredith, and she half felt a tug to absolve Addison from all her sins, like a priest behind a screen, offering her to “go in peace.” She nodded uncommitally and reached for her tequila instead, before realizing that it was still empty.
When Meredith looked back up, Addison was still staring at her. Her gaze felt loaded, and Meredith squirmed in her seat. Celibacy-induced horniness or not, Meredith could never deny how good Addison looked sitting in front of her, slightly disheveled, Meredith noticed. Her hair was mussed, likely from the confusion of movements made in her haste to help Meredith regain her breath, and her cheeks were tinged with pink, likely due to the growing warmth in the bar.
Meredith tugged at her collar, also growing affected by the heat, or maybe it was the way Addison was looking at her, challenging her to respond to her admission. “Well, then I’m glad he’s out there all alone. He doesn’t deserve you anyway,” she replied, and, oh God, had she really just said that aloud?
Addison’s eyebrow raised slightly, “Oh yeah?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, come on. Look at you! If I was married to you, I would never, ever, make you feel like I didn’t want you. Who in their right mind wouldn’t feel lucky to have had the chance for you to fall in love with them and then treat you like an afterthought? I’d wake up everyday thanking the universe that I could wake up to the sight of your gorgeous face and ridiculously hot self, and your stupid hair, and-” Meredith cut herself short when she realized the cocky smirk across Addison’s face, seemingly dangerously close to break out into one of those laughs she loved so much. Could have at least choked myself if I was going to put my foot in my mouth, she thought, it’s the tequila speaking, has to be the tequila. And the celibacy, definitely the celibacy.
“...I didn’t mean that.” Meredith whispered lamely.
“And here I was getting my hopes up.” Addison replied, smirk shifting into a grin as she leaned into Meredith, slowly inching closer and closer into her personal space.
“What?”
“You can’t say something like that and insinuate that I wouldn’t get my hopes up, Meredith.” They were inches away now, Addison’s full body leaning on the counter of the bar right in front of Meredith.
“You’re in love with Derek,” Meredith murmured, one last attempt at a way to salvage the situation that had very quickly spiraled entirely out of control.
“We have very much established that I am no such thing.” Meredith could almost feel Addison’s breath in the air, tinged with the slightest hint of the now forgotten beer she had been drinking.
“I’m celibate.” At that, Addison full on laughed, leaning back again as a chorus of angels filled Joe’s, or, at least that’s what it sounded like to Meredith. When Addison finally came back down from her laughing fit, wiping the tears from her eyes, her face was flushed, even more so than it had been before, gleaming with a sense of amusement she hadn’t seen in the red head before.
“Thanks Meredith, I really needed that.” Addison looked towards her again, that damning smile still plastered across her features.
“Sorry, I don’t know why I said that,” Meredith replied weakly.
“Probably the same reason you placed your hand on a live grenade.” She stared at Addison confused.
“You’d rather blow things up then deal with them head on. That, or you’re suicidal, I suppose.” Meredith balked at the way Addison had managed to read her so completely, laying out the words bare without so much as a flinch.
“And what, exactly, was I blowing up this time?”
“I tell you, in more or less words, that I’m attracted to you, and you go and say that you’re celibate!” At that, Meredith was sure her jaw fell wide open. “Which, by the way, everyone knows is absolute bullshit because you also said you’d stop drinking, and here we are.”
“You’re attracted to me?” Meredith’s brain was still stuck on that part of Addison’s last sentence, the world fading around her as the words replayed in her mind.
Addison rolled her eyes, not unkindly. “Have been, but thanks for noticing now. Do you think I just go around calling everyone a good girl?”
At that, Meredith felt herself smile as she tried to fast-track every interaction her and Addison had ever had. Memories of Addison in her cute pink scrubs melded together with her storming down hallways in her devilishly attractive pumps, and she had to stop and take in a sharp breath.
“Why?” Meredith couldn’t get the thought wrapped around her head, how could the Addison Montgomery be attracted to her?
“I don’t know Meredith. There’s something about you, I guess. Something special enough that instead of crying my eyes out with a tub of ice cream after finalizing my divorce to my husband of ten years, I go to the bar subconsciously hoping a certain intern will be there. If for nothing else than to get a glimpse of you and feel comforted by the fact that I’ll request you to be on my service tomorrow morning and get to see you all worked up.” Addison admitted, her gaze sincere.
“I knew you were fucking with me! All those times I thought you were doing it because you just wanted to see me suffer out of your hatred for me. Oh, you’re impossible Addison,” Meredith rolled her eyes as she spoke, piecing together all the times she had caught Addison’s lingering gaze in surgery or the way their hands seemed to touch a moment too long every time she handed her a set of charts.
She looked at Addison, her cheeks warm.
“Impossible? I think you’ll find I’m actually quite easy.”
Suddenly, Meredith’s phone rang in her pocket, surprising them both. She checked it quickly, “Oh! It’s Christina, I should probably take this,” Meredith said as she stood up.
Instantly, Addison reached for her, grasping Meredith’s arm. Meredith forgot everything but the feel of Addison’s skin on her own. “I’m sure Christina can handle herself,” her gaze was hungry as she looked up at Meredith.
And who was Meredith to deny anything that Addison declared? “You’re right.”
Meredith shut her phone as Addison stood up beside her, leaning in to whisper in her ear before strutting off towards the door, “I’ve got a lovely hotel room all to myself if you ever want to break that ‘vow of celibacy.’”
All the blood in her body rushed to Meredith’s face as she balked for a fraction of a second, mind entirely blank with nothing but thoughts of Addison sprawled across a hotel bed, sheets thrown, clothes discarded haphazardly around the room. “Addison, wait up!” Meredith called after her, as she was sure she’d be doing until she stopped breathing.