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You’d been in town for almost two whole weeks, talked to most people and done various chores, all while figuring your farming life out.
Coming here to Pelican Town in the summer used to be your favourite time of year. But things just sort of stopped working out the older you got.
You’d already spoken to Sam a couple of days prior, when you were on your way to the beach. He was super excited for your return, made you swap e-mails and phone numbers right away. Then there was Abby. You had a rushed conversation with her yesterday, promising to speak to her a little later this week. You were unsure how she felt about you these days, but she looked happy enough to see you.
Now you were en-route up towards the mountain path, feeling a little nostalgic with the scenery. You used to come up here a lot to play near the lake. But the weather was honestly kind of horrid today: the air smelled of rain that was about to pour down, and the wind was picking up a little too.
You promised you’d try and speak to Sebastian today. You’d been thinking of him on and off for years now, but you felt the slow growing urge and anxiety in your stomach bubble to a breaking point. So you made the decision- today was the day. You were sure he already knew you’d arrived weeks ago. If not because of Sam and Abigail, then at least because of Robin. You walked past Robin’s house but you needed to calm yourself a little first. You wandered all the way towards the lake’s edge, just staring at the water ripples forming, trying to gather your thoughts. Was he going to be really mad? What if he didn’t even want to see you at all?
You were so deep in thought you had no idea how much time had passed, nor the fact there was somebody standing right next to you. You whipped your head around immediately and stared at the purple haired man who was in turn looking you over; one hand in the pocket of his hoodie, the other loosely holding a cigarette. You were about to open your mouth and blurt something out, but your thought to speech sort of shut down.
The both of you sort of stood there, awkwardly staring at each other before you decided to break eye contact first, turning your view towards the lake and staring at literally anything else.
It was dead quiet for a couple of minutes, except for Sebastian exhaling the drags of his cigarette.
Then eventually, you felt Sebastian nudge your hand with his softly.
“How long’s it been since you left?” he spoke quietly.
You felt ashamed as soon as he posed the question. It’d been about, what? 13-14 years or so?
Living with your family was suffocating and you needed a steady income to start a life of your own. A desk job hadn't seemed so bad at first, in hindsight it did suck the soul out of you.
Over the years, your chronic illness got worse and despite the fact you loved your grandfather and the farm so dearly, you just couldn’t keep up. So you just kinda... bailed on everyone. After the first year you tried to get settled into a new rhythm and life. But by then a year had passed. No letters or e-mails had been sent, and in turn you received none.
“S’been.. A little while,” You sighed, at this point anxiety had settled in your gut and you started picking at the skin next to your nails, they already looked a little damaged here and there.
A ‘little’ while was an understatement, you thought to yourself.
As you turned to look at Seb, you realised he was already staring straight at you and you couldn’t quite place his expression. Was he disappointed, or just angry? Honestly you wouldn’t blame him if it was a mixture of both.
“I was planning to keep in contact with you and the others, I just... lost track.”
His eyebrows shot up and he scoffed, turning his head to stare out to the lake.
“That’s a bit of an understatement, don’t you think? We haven't seen or heard from you in more than 13 years, but who's really counting?”
He threw his cigarette on the ground and extinguished it with a quick scrape of his shoe.
“All the while both Sam and Abi kept asking me if I'd heard anything of you at all, only to disappoint them both in the end. Abigail most of all.”
You started biting your lip to keep your tears falling at this point, and you buried your chin down into your scarf.
“I know, I’m really so sorry. I don’t know why I didn't, I-I just got so overwhelmed and before I knew it so much time had passed. Then I was just too embarrassed to send anything anymore. So I just kept to myself.” Everything came out a little fast and muffled.
You winced and held one of your fingers tightly to stop it from hurting since you had now ripped too much skin off in one go, which by now started to bleed and sting. Idiot.
You felt ashamed, sure. But under the surface you were also increasingly getting annoyed now. This wasn’t just about you.
“Regardless of my mistakes, what about you? Keeping in contact works both ways. You could have reached out to me in all sorts of ways.”
it was quiet for a moment, so quiet that your head had time to think which was increasing your anxiety at that moment.
Sebastian sighed and looked your way once more. “ I hated you for leaving. You promised me we’d go to Zuzu City together, and then you left.”
Hated you? you didn’t want Seb of all people to hate you. And yeah, you promised you two would go together at some point, you didn’t expect your life would have taken such a sharp turn. Everything you knew sorta crumbled away very quickly. But life just happens, sometimes.
You were about to open your mouth to plead your case but Sebastian was faster.
“Or at least, I thought… it would be easier if I started hating you.”
He shoved one hand back in his pocket and used his other hand to tousle his hair.
“I don’t really hate you. I just...” He stared straight towards the grass by this point. Sebastian was never any good when it came to expressing his feelings you realized really early on.
The words he wanted weren’t really coming out either, you could tell by his posture and expressions that he had something to say, but he just froze.
You wanted to say something too- anything to speed this process up. The anxiety was slowly seeping into your stomach.
You lifted your arm up and gently put your hand against his bicep, to give him a sense of comfort. “ Look, Seb... I screwed up okay? I should've stayed in contact with you and everyone else. I’m sorry.” You swallowed thickly. Realistically all you could really offer was an apology. You’d just hope it was enough.
“I wouldn't have responded to you anyway.” He eventually blurted out. He sighed deeply, his voice shaking a little. You couldn’t help but feel a stinging shame at the back of your neck.
“You left, and I was just so angry that you got out of this place before I did. You promised me we’d go together some day- But then you just vanished. I wouldn’t have responded to any calls from you.” He quickly tapped another cigarette out of the pack and proceeded to light it and take a long drag.
“Honestly, maybe it's better this way.” He said, turning his head and staring you dead on. Was he a little anxious? Probably, but at least he didn’t avoid your gaze like he used to do.
“I’m still a little sour about it, but I forgive you. I could’ve done something about it, too.”
Taking another long drag he stared back out towards the lake, feeling a little more consoled.
“Sorry.”
You were taken aback. He really has grown up. despite being an introverted kid at least he was able to make his feelings known. You couldn’t say the same for yourself.
You finally felt a sense of peace around him now. You hoped to reconnect more with him in the next couple of weeks, especially now that you know he doesn’t despise your guts.
Your stomach still felt kinda queasy though. Was it the stress or maybe the lack of lunch? Probably both if you’d guessed.
You looked down towards your bag and started ruffling inside to find your hidden stash of candy. You grabbed two smoothly wrapped lollipops from it.
You gently tapped his arm with your knuckles with the same hand that had the candy in it.
He took another drag from his cigarette before turning around to you, his eyes directly looking down to the offer.
“Z’it lemon?” Grabbing one of them as he inspected the wrapper to spot a flavour or brand.
“No, sorry." you pulled your hand back and swiftly unwrapped the other one, directly popping it in the corner of your mouth and relishing the flavour. “Cherry only.”
His nose crinkled at the flavour and he stared at it for a couple of seconds. “Ugh.”
He unwrapped the candy and popped it in his mouth anyway as he flicked the last of his cigarette to the floor. If he had any real disdain for the flavour then you couldn’t tell.
Your eyebrows rose and you couldn’t help but let out a huff, You remember him doing this all the time back when you two were kids. “Say, if you dislike the flavour so much, why eat it anyway?”
Sebastian shrugged his shoulders and turned to face the lake again with his hair covering his face and the tip of his ear peaked out of it though- you noticed it was a slightly pink hue. Was he cold?
“Dunno really. I just got used to doing it, I guess.”
You felt yourself smile a little due to his response. Maybe he just didn’t want the offer to go to waste? He could just say that though…
“Well, I gotta go and run some errands right now. But if you want, we can catch up some more later?” You didn't hide the hopeful lilt in your voice.
“Yeah, sure. Sounds great.” He smiled a little and nodded your way.
You turned around and headed down the mountain path giving a small wave to him before disappearing from view entirely.
Seb sighed deeply. He felt his nerves dissipate, like a weight had dropped from his shoulders entirely. He’s totally going to smoke some weed in his room tonight though- he needed to blur his thoughts a little. His feelings considering you used to be complicated, and now he supposed even after all these years they still were. He was glad you’re back, but that put him back in a stalemate. He still liked you, and honestly hoped that the years would have fizzled those feelings out. But he was wrong on that as well.