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Dohwa squeezed his eyes shut as sunlight forced its way through the cracks of his window shutters, bathing the room in a saccharin light. He was still for a moment feeling the cool duvet surrounding him. It was peaceful hearing the melodic chirping of birds in the distance and the sound of his own quiet breaths.
Until he noticed the shifting movements of hands on his waist
He fluttered his eyes open wide with alarm
His frame jerked back slightly, processing the sight in front of him. He let out an exhale as he came face to face with Eunhyuk. He leaned back in and relaxed into the warm embrace. Honestly, he could never get used to this. He barely believed it himself when Eunhyuk confessed to him. It was almost as if he was waiting for the ball to drop for Eunhyuk to tell him it was all a mistake.
Then he’d take back all the things he’d given Dohwa the warmth, the love, the affection, the genuine concern
Maybe he was being too greedy after experiencing actual care he didn’t want to ever let go. Dohwa truly dreaded the day Eunhyuk realized that he wasn’t worth the effort, that he was too clingy, that he loved too hard, that there were better options out there. Even after all the reassurances Eunhyuk gave him he couldn’t help the thoughts racing in his head.
He didn’t know why he couldn’t just let himself enjoy the moment instead of running laps in his mind. Was it the fear of abandonment? It seemed like everyone left him when they realized the image they created of him fueled by rumors wasn’t what they expected. Su-ae stayed and strangely enough, Eunhyuk managed to push his way into his circle. They got along much better than either of them expected.
A sharp blink from Dohwa and the tightening of arms around his waist cleared the jumbled thoughts for a second
Dohwa stopped for a minute to take in the peaceful scene. Eunhyuk looked so serene like this. The weight of responsibility he always seemed to be carrying around was dimmed.
His hand was outstretched as he wove his fingers through Eunhyuk’s hair acting as a makeshift comb. His touch was feather-light as he raked through the soft locks. He could feel the slow smile tugging at his lips, the light in his eyes fractured as the corners of his eyes crinkled with joy.
He wanted to stay in the blissful warmth of the moment forever
Abruptly Eunhyuk moved his head forward burrowing his head into the crook of his neck in one fluid motion. He let out a sigh of contentment against his collarbone.
“Stop overthinking things” Eunhyuk said his palms trailing under his shirt tracing small steady circles on his hip
“You're the only one I want”
Dohwa's breath hitched
He could hear the soft sound of his heart thudding in his chest. Each rhythmic beat was warm and heavy.
“You were awake?” Dohwa questioned
Eunhyuk let out a huff of laughter against his nape
“Cmon you knew that” He said
Dohwa rolled his eyes the beginnings of a smile unfurling across his face
“Yeah your right” he continued his previous gesture, tangling his fingers into black locks “Enjoying yourself?” He said
“Mmmh” Eunhyuk mumbled out nuzzling deeper into his neck
They descended into silence. It wasn’t an empty and heavy silence but a comforting silence weighted and soft between them. It was as if all the tension from work, from school, from the constant piercing stares was seeping out of him. Replaced by the tender embrace, the euphonious chirping of birds, and the gentle thudding of his heart.
He truly felt like he was at home.
They stayed in the position for a while before Dohwa grew restless. Sleep refusing to come back to him. He gave a gentle shove to Eunhyuk’s shoulder prompting him to loosen his grip around his waist. It was a quick break from the embrace as Dohwa maneuvered his way out of the bed.
His steps were slow as he made way to the restroom to freshen up
The door to the restroom flicked back open. Dohwa stepped out with small droplets of water clinging to the curve of his jaw. The scent of fresh mint trailed behind him like a lingering haze.
Across the room, he noticed Eunhyuk rolling out of bed, the duvet shedding off him with a heavy sigh. Dohwa’s eyes tracked Eunhyuk’s silhouette as he passed by him drifting towards the restroom door.
Eunhyuk let out a drawn out yawn, his fingers sweeping through his hair. It was a mindless gesture in an attempt to shake the sleep off him.
The bathroom door closed shut with a quiet thud
For a moment Dohwa stood in the emptiness of the room letting the amber sunlight wash over him. The silence of his small apartment wrapped around him like a blanket. The previous lyrical chirps fading quietly in the distance. Then, with a sudden spark of purpose, he turned towards the kitchen.
He moved towards the fridge with practiced familiarity. His shadow stretched long across the cabinets in the bright morning light. With a soft click, he breached the cool contents of the fridge.
A light glow spilled out as his outstretched hand reached within the hum of the fridge. His hands moved to open an egg carton. His fingers curled around the porcelain smoothness of the eggs. A grounding cool weightlessness in the center of his palm. He then scanned for the small bottle of soy sauce using his other hand to reach it.
He shut the fridge door sealing away the wispy chill with a stifled thud
He gathered the contents back to the kitchen counter moving to turn the stove on. The flame flared up within an instant as Dohwa grabbed a bottle of oil and a pan to place on top of the embers. He cracked the egg a loud sizzling sound erupting from the contact
Dohwa let himself get lost in the motions as he prepared the meal
The silence was loud in the emptiness of the apartment. It was a heavy, ringing weight. Every small noise felt amplified; the crackling of the oil echoed off the walls.
He hated it. The stillness of it all forced him to hear the racing thoughts in his head.
Whenever Eunhyuk stayed over it was a brief reprieve from the stifling silence. He always perked up hearing the heavy thud of a school bag hitting the floor, the scratching of a pencil on paper, the soft touches, the company of someone else he actually enjoyed ebbed at the smothering loneliness. The jagged static of his mind only smoothed out in the comforting presence of someone he cared for.
The apartment only felt like a home when Eunhyuk was there.
More often than not Eunhyuk’s been staying over during the weekends, something about his house feeling too suffocating at times. Even as worry tugged at him, he kept it tucked away. Dohwa didn’t press for details; he was content with the fact that Eunhyuk would open up on his own terms.
Eunhyuk was a safe presence for him and Dohwa wanted to reciprocate a semblance of that feeling by anchoring his peace. No matter how suffocating the walls of Eunhyuk’s home were, he would always have a place where the air was clear and easy to breathe in.
Honestly, he didn’t mind the visits at all. He soaked in every ounce of attention and affection.
It usually felt like he was playing a part keeping up the heavy weight of a performance but when he was with Eunhyuk the attention didn’t feel like an act he could allow himself to relax and lower his guard around him. Which was odd because normally he hated attention.
A bitter contrast flickered in his mind
The piercing gazes only grazed the surface, sweeping past him their stares were shallow as if he was a hollow object put up for display. They were only looking through him an image to be admired and forgotten.
The spiral of his thoughts was cut short when he felt arms winding around his waist. The grip on his waist was a firm grounding weight. Dohwa leaned back into the embrace letting out a shuddering exhale as the tension eased out of him.
With him, he felt seen
Eunhyuk’s head rested on the crook of his shoulder. He didn’t say a word, just let his breath hitch slightly, catching the scent of the meal. He lifted his head up peering at the sizzling pan. His gaze tracked the ingredients: a mixture of steaming rice and scrambled eggs. Dohwa lifted the spoon he was stirring with, blowing on it with a few quick puffs, before turning slightly and guiding it over his shoulder.
“Here try some” He said a curled smile playing on his lips
Eunhyuk blinked for a second before meeting him halfway, his lips parting for the savory, gold-flecked bite. He slowed his chewing savoring the taste of the meal. A small, thoughtful hum vibrated in his throat as he processed the flavors.
“It’s good” Eunhyuk said a smile tugging at the corner of his lips and a soft look of fondness in his eyes
Eunhyuk contemplated for a moment before coming to a decision
“Want me to make some soup?” He asked tilting his head slightly to meet Dohwa’s gaze
Dohwa broke his short, quiet stare with an affirming nod
Some soup actually sounded really good right now
Eunhyuk leaned in, pressing a brief, soft kiss on his cheek. Dohwa couldn’t help the way his face scrunched up in helpless affection. The familiar thrum of his heart making a reappearance. Eunhyuk unwrapped his arms from Dohwa’s waist as he stepped back, remaining in the same vicinity. He drifted towards the fridge, his hand reaching for the handle. He moved with a laidback ease. The shards of morning sunlight illuminated the kitchen in a hazy, golden glow.
Notes of dust drifted in the air made more apparent by the amber light. They drifted in a weightless motion swirling through the columns of light that cut across the countertops.
The sound of a low sizzle could be heard alongside the rhythmic chopping of a knife as Eunhyuk gathered all his ingredients settling by the countertop. The apartment felt vibrant with life by their shared presence instead of feeling like an empty hollow box.
Dohwa could feel the warmth flooding within him starting from his fingertips that continued to stir the nearly finished dish until it pooled its way into his heart. He felt an inexplicable feeling of contentment as the sharp edges of the outside world were only a second thought. He took in every ounce of the moment.
For once he felt loved