Archive of Our Own

AbbyFriday 10:02 AM
Abby: frank, why aren't you paying your girlfriend to babysit our kids?

Frank: please stop calling her that

Frank: one day she's going to see it

Abby: oh no, you'd have to have a conversation about feelings with the woman you spend all your time with who gives you free childcare

Abby: whatever will you do?

Frank: are you actually pissed off? I genuinely can't tell.

Abby: I don't fucking know

Abby: I'm a little annoyed that you're taking advantage of her being nice

Frank: no

Frank: no, stopping you right there

Frank: I'm not taking advantage of her

Frank: I have repeatedly told her that I should be paying her for babysitting the kids all evening when I have a shift.

Frank: I have TRIED.

Abby: try harder.

Abby: do you know how expensive childcare is?

Frank: really? I had no idea

Frank: look, mel told me that she spent her entire adult life having help taking care of becca being a very transactional thing, and how feeling like we were putting a price on her helping me would make her feel isolated and uncomfortable asking me for help.

Frank: that's when I stopped arguing with her and started just treating her whenever we're out, since she said that was fine

Abby: that can't break even

Frank: not even a little

Frank: I don't know what to do about it, but I'm not taking advantage of her

Frank: how did that even come up?

Abby: I tried to pay her for the time she's spent watching the kids for me this month, and she said that she wasn't comfortable taking it because if she's not taking money from you to watch your kids, why would she take money from me to watch the same kids?

Frank: yeah, that sounds like mel.

Abby: frank, I cannot not pay your girlfriend

Frank: again, please don't call her that.

Abby: she's babysitting our kids for free because they're your kids

Abby: if the shoe fits

Frank: I really genuinely don't know what to tell you.

Frank: we've talked about it, and I get what she's saying, and I know that bringing it up again is going to make her upset because it would mean that I wasn't really listening to her when she talked about a lot of really difficult shit.

Frank: and she would have a point.

Abby: jesus christ.

Abby: I don't know. I guess I'll knock the money off your child support.

Frank: I really don't know that I'm comfortable with that

Frank: that's basically paying me for something mel is doing, and that feels shady

Abby: well, I don't know what else to do!

Abby: I could stop asking her, but after all of your horror stories, it's so nice to just know that I don't have to worry about them, and they love her

Abby: their dad's girlfriend takes great care of them

Frank: abby, for the love of fuck, please stop calling her that

Frank: sometimes when I'm driving, I ask her to look up something on my phone

Frank: at some point, she's going to see it

Abby: she's a doctor choosing to spend a few hours of her very limited free time most weeks taking care of your kids for your ex-wife, and she's refusing to take money for it because they're your kids

Abby: you do realize that that's not normal, right?

Frank: I do

Frank: give me some fucking credit

Frank: but I've tried, repeatedly, and last time she asked me point blank whether my pride was more important to me than her feelings

Frank: puts me a little bit of a bind

Abby: goddamnit, frank

Abby: okay, I'm checking in with the lawyers, and then I'm knocking whatever I should have paid her off your child support

Frank: again, I'm really not comfortable with paying less because of something mel does because she cares about me

Abby: noted, but not my problem

Abby: if I do that, it gets to be your problem and not mine

Abby: and I know you're not actually enough of an asshole to just take the win

Frank: I really wish you wouldn't do this

Abby: then talk to your girlfriend about letting your ex-wife pay her

Frank: abby.

Abby: frank, I don't care what you do to make it up to her

Abby: that's on you

Abby: I just need it not be my problem

Frank: thanks. you're so helpful.

Abby: I do recommend against getting her a dog, though

Frank: you know, I am going to point out that most divorced moms would probably not be quite this annoyed about having a responsible ER doctor who works with her kids' father happy to babysit Edited Abby: I should screenshot that and use it out of context - make it look like you're referring to parenting as "babysitting"
Frank: ha. ha.

Frank: abby.

Abby: I know, frank. I really do.

Abby: but this isn't just about my pride - having her give me free childcare could create a legal mess for us in the future in terms of both child support and custody, even if we don't want it to

Abby: if it was just an hour or two once a month, it wouldn't matter, but it's not

Frank: okay. okay. I hear you. talk to the lawyer, let me know what they say.

Frank: but please make it clear that this is not a request coming from me.

Abby: okay.

Abby: but also, please just man up and either start the relationship or make it public if you already have.

Frank: are you seriously trying to meddle in my love life?

Abby: what love life?

Abby: how much time do you spend that isn't occupied by work, the kids, or mel?

Frank: about 8 hours a day

Abby: I know you don't sleep 8 hours a night

Frank: yeah, but I have to shower. and drive places.

Abby: ah, yes. driving. something you famously do alone, which is why asking mel to look something up on your phone while you're driving is apparently a regular occurrence.

Frank: I'm going back to work now.

Abby: you do that.

Abby: jesus christ, frank.

Abby: get it together.

Frank: okay, in my defense, we do have to work together, and I do technically supervise her

Frank: it's a delicate situation.

Frank: and don't roll your fucking eyes at me, it is.

Abby: you knew I was rolling my eyes from across town. that should tell you everything you need to know.

Frank: yeah, that I was married to you for six years.

Abby: frank.

Frank: going back to work.

Abby: you do that.

Abby: and talk to your girlfriend.