Chapter Text
“Speech”
‘Thoughts’
Enjoy my friends.
Betrayal, such a terrible sounding word. Its also a terrible thing to do, yet, that’s how a certain raven haired boy failing to get sleep felt.
It didn’t seem to matter how much time had passed since then, it always seemed to sting maybe even more. Every. Single. Day.
Roswaal L. Mathers. The man who saved him from the shit hole predicament he was previously in, gave him a semblance of hope at least.
Even though it was just a possibility, it was still better than nothing. Subaru knew the clown had an ulterior motive, something guiding him. The tome of wisdom, or so he presumed.
The same book his dear Beako had. For some reason, hers was always blank, she never explained why and perhaps even she didn’t know.
Subaru didn’t care if he was being used, because he was also using Roswaal for his goal, his reason for existing, for continuing to struggle in this wicked isekai world.
Roswaal shared the absolute minimum of information, a need to know basis to achieve their goals. He insists its for the dimension walkers own good, but Subaru isn’t really convinced, yet again, as long as it gets results. He doesn’t really care.
The next step is a big one, the new king of Lugunica, the royal selection is upon them and Subaru was told the lady he was supporting and the clown was sponsoring, needed to become the next king by ANY means.
Subaru didn’t find it particularly interesting instructions, but one thing complicated things. She was a Silver haired half elf, the spitting image of the witch of Envy… The raven haired boy scoffed when he heard Roswaal inform him of this.
Personally, he doesn’t care what she looks like, but his dear Beako taught him of the ways and history of this world and her circumstances made the next step of their plans significantly more difficult.
Rumors for many years say she is a hideous monster, others say she is of chilling beauty. Beako was more inclined to think the latter.
Subaru wouldn’t need to wonder for long, the girl would be arriving tomorrow night. Roswaal had been gone for a day already, apparently she was in Elior forest which was… Interesting, she lived with the frozen elves? Well, it doesn’t matter what he needed to do. She MUST be king.
As Subaru thought these things, he was in-between sleep and restlessness until the morning sun spilled through the windows onto his bed.
Subaru: “I guess it’s time to get to it.” He muttered.
Slowly taking off the sheets he stretched his muscles with his usual radio calisthenics, really the only thing that remained with him from his homeland as his track suit was destroyed beyond repair long ago.
Washing up in the restroom, he looked at his reflection.
Subaru: “Wow, who’s that poor bastard? Must suck being him.” He muttered bitterly, a scowl soon setting on his face as he looked at his sleep deprived features.
He buttoned up his white long-sleeved dress shirt, leaving the top unbuttoned and tucked it into his black slacks, then heard a knock on his door.
“Barusu. If you’re still asleep, Ram will official pronounce you as the laziest person in this residence.” Subaru rolled his eyes with a small smirk as he opened his door, revealing the pink haired oni.
Subaru: “ What the hell are you talking about? Its still early and nine times out of ten I’m up before you… Why isn’t you’re sister waking me up?” Subaru retorted, which the oni readily ignored.
Ram: “How pathetic, this early in the day and you are already lusting after Ram’s sister, truly shameful, but not unexpected from Barusu.” Subaru simply sighed in defeat.
Ram: “Rem needed Ram’s help in preparation for our guest this evening. Not that you’re plebian mind could comprehend that work.”
Subaru: “I used to serve as a butler ya know. Did you’re plebian brain forget that?”
Ram: “I shutter to think of those days, you’re service was so atrocious it would be laughable to say it was acceptable, even an insect could realize that Barusu.”
Subaru: “Jesus Christ there’s no winning, I’ll be down for breakfast in a moment, go back to you’re work before I tell Rem you’re cutting corners again, and you know I don’t like that name.” The pink oni simply bowed in apology.
Ram: “My apologies Barusu, Ram will be sure to watch her tongue… Barusu.” Subaru gave her a deadpan expression and simply slammed the door in her face, ending the conversation.
From someone else’s point of view it seemed they didn’t get along, Ram would vehemently deny it, but they were actually quiete close.
After slipping on his black dress shoes and socks, he left his room, but before he went down the stair case, he stopped in his tracks and brushed his hand on a specific door, the forbidden library. It hasn’t moved ever since ‘that day.’
A sad downcast gaze dawned his face as he placed his forehead on the door. He said nothing, just stood there as if this was a common occurrence.
Little did he know, in her passing a certain pink haired oni witnessed his actions, again. For the umpteenth time.
Letting out a tired sigh, he reluctantly pushed himself from the door and made his way to breakfast.
He sat in silence, Roswaal and Beako were usually their to keep him company, despite Subaru knowing Roswaal’s scheming, he was actually quiete amusing. When he was alone like this, he had offered on multiple occasions for the twins to eat with him, but they said they shouldn’t dare to eat with someone of higher status than themselves.
Well, Rem said that, Ram probably would say something harsh but didn’t ever comment.
But now, as he wait for his food at the large deserted table, he simply stared at his dear Beako’s empty seat next to him as the ticking of a nearby grandfather clock ringed in his ears.
“Here you go Subaru-Kun.” A sweet voice said from behind as she set down his plate.
Subaru: “Thank you Rem, it looks incredible as usual.” The blue haired maid nodded with a smile and left swiftly, beaming at the compliment from her Subaru.
Subaru: ‘Buttered eggs with toast, jam, sausages, milk and… Steamed tatoes? Hooh? Did Ram take pity on me for being so aggressive this morning?’ Subaru thought with amusement as he ate his meal with trained grace.
Despite his stomach being filled, there was always a sinking, a flutter. A terrible feeling… Emptiness, always empty. Why? Why did she do it? We were so happy, weren’t we?
Subaru has asked himself this over and over and over until it felt like he was going insane.
Why did that worthless witch reset the loop at that point?...
Rem simply watched Subaru stare at his empty plate from afar until her sister put a hand on her shoulder with a concerned look and a shake of her head. Today was going to be a tough day for the raven haired boy. Some days were good, some bad. But mostly bad.
Rem took his plate with a reassuring look.
Rem: “Thank you for all you’re hard work Subaru-Kun.” He smirked and closed his eyes.
Subaru: “Pretty sure you’re the hardest working person I know Rem-Rin. If anyone should be receiving thanks its you. You’re sister works hard too, but I won’t tell her because she’s mean to me.” Subaru once again deflected with humor. Causing Rem to twinge in sadness at his self deprecating tendencies.
Rem: “Rem will be sure to tell her that.” She replied with a Coy smile.
Subaru: “Wah!? Traitor!” The maid simply giggled as she disappeared into the kitchen with the used dishes.
Subaru: “I’m going to commune with the spirits, if you need me I’ll be in the gardens.” Ram gave a curt bow as he passed by, she simply watched with indifference as he left the mansion through the front door.
A breath she didn’t know she was holding escaped her lips when his presence was gone. It’s not that she didn’t trust Subaru, it’s the opposite, he is very protective of herself and Rem as well as Arlam and this mansion.
However, sometimes his presence can feel… Overwhelming, like there is a pressure in the room. It felt similar to the sword saint when he had come to visit Subaru for various reasons pertaining to his duties to the kingdom, but the saint was able to hide it much better.
Alas, when he communes with the spirits this early in the day, there is always something weighing on his mind.
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‘Lia, I urge you to be cautious. This Roswaal guy may not be who he seems.’
Emilia: ‘I understand Puck. But he gave me a opportunity to not only improve the lives of many people, but also free my family from the ice!’ I… How could I possibly pass this up?’ A silver haired half elf telepathically said to her great spirit as she rode in a carriage by herself.
The man in question drove the carriage with a smirk that fit his clown persona perfectly.
Puck: ‘He told me he knows Beatrice too. I can’t say I’m not curious. Hopefully I’ll be able to see her, its been… a long time.’ Puck thought to his daughter with a tinge of guilt.
Emilia: ‘This Beatrice, is she a spirit too?’
Puck: ‘Yea, she’s like a sister to me.’ Emilia put a hand to her mouth in astonishment.
Emilia: ‘Well, I really look forward to meeting her!’
Puck: ‘I wouldn’t get my hopes up, but… Maybe. I just hope she doesn’t hold any grudges.’ Emilia looked at the cat with a saddened expression.
Emilia: ‘Puck… We will fix it, if we get the opportunity I will definitely help you!’ The spirit couldn’t help but smile looking at his daughters determined expression.
Puck: ‘You are too kind Lia.’
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Rem watched her hero as he meditated cross-legged in-between beautiful flowerbeds.
It was a sitting place made just for him to commune with the spirits. In front of the mat he sat on, there is a large pond with white pebbles as the bedrock. Dark wood trim separating the grass from the crystal clear water, and multiple colored fish residing it. A koi pond.
It was a place made to ease Subaru’s troubled mind. And the spirits certainly loved it as well. In fact they were basking him in a shimmering glow of all different colors. Roaming and kissing at his skin as if he were adored by them.
It mesmerized Rem, yet it also left her saddened. He must certainly tell the spirits his deepest feelings, yet never trusts her with them? After all this time? He carries such a burden and he isolates himself.
He can pretend that he is getting better, but he cannot fool Rem, she fell in love with the man who saved her from her gray life that was stuck in time. And every day, he seems to spiral downwards, and now he is the one who is stuck, she feels so powerless to stop it.
Ram: “Sister, you can’t hover over him, he must work it out himself.” She said with a softness that was foreign coming from Ram.
Rem: “He needs me sissy. Rem cant just… Stand by and watch as he tears himself apart…” She replied with a quiver, tears threatening to leak from her eyes.
Ram: “Ram will help you sister, but what would you even have Ram do? I… Am not good with these things. But if Rem can think of something, let sissy know and I will help.” Rem simply nodded and walked away whilst wiping away her tears.
Ram stayed a few more moments, gazing at the boys distraught facial expression from the side.
Ram: “Making my poor sister worry for you. You truly are a sinful man, Barusu.” She whispered harshly, although not meaning any of it.
Subaru however was in a whirlwind of his own thoughts. No matter how much the spirits tried to comfort him, he couldn’t calm himself.
‘Why why why why why why why why Beako! If only, if only that stupid witch hadn’t set the checkpoint! I could have changed you’re fate like I had so many times before! That’s… That’s my reason for existing right? To suffer so others can live on in their complete obliviousness as I continue to clean up their mess!
‘Do not squander Betty’s gift to you, I suppose.’
‘Gift? I never asked for that! All I wanted… Was to be you’re friend and contractor, but I never got the chance to ask because I’m a coward! I was afraid of rejection! Just like back in my old world, I was afraid, like a fucking child! Have I even changed at all? Did I learn nothing from her?’
Outside of Subaru’s mind, his negative thoughts became so intense the spirits became frightened and fled, loose bits of dirt and rock float in the air around him as if gravity didn’t apply.
???: “B-u-su
Subaru: ‘Go away.’ He thought to the outside intruder.
???: “Bar-su, BARUSU!” Finally opening his eyes, he met the gaze of a very annoyed pink haired oni.
Subaru: “What?” He said rather sharply, making Ram huff.
Ram: “Our honored guest will arrive at any moment and you’re out here scaring away spirits and making a mess out of the garden! Rem and I worked all morning on this!”
Subaru looked around and saw rose bushes and flower beds uprooted and strewn about like a wild pack of wolgrams tore through. The fish in the koi pond were all dead, floating belly up in the water. Subaru grimaced at the destruction he caused.
Subaru: Ram, I’ll take care of everything here, just go back and do what you were about to do, ill skip supper to clean thi-“
Ram: “You think just taking responsibility is enough to fix this!? You!.... You need help Barusu. Ram brushed passed him after cutting him off then stormed back inside the mansion.
A silence passed as the raven haired boy took in what he had done.
Subaru: “Fuck.”
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Ram is not usually one to get riled up or emotionally distraught about, well anything really, except for maybe her sister.
But just a few moments ago she let the mask slip and expressed her true feelings… She had offered her dear Rem to help Subaru and the first thing she did was that? Ram had completely and utterly failed and she knew it.
Ram: ‘Rem… I’m so sorry, I hope I didn’t just make things worse.’ She thought as she did some last detail cleaning in preparation for the guest.
Rem: ‘Barusu, please… Change. Do something so I don’t have to see sissy agonize over you’re well being every day.’
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Back in the gardens, Subaru was kneeled and hunched over as he replanted everything to the best of his abilities.
He had already taken care of the poor dead fish and was now about an hour into his work, his clean dress clothes were filled with dirt, but he didn’t care. He messed up, and he has to fix it.
At some point in time he heard a dragon carriage pull up and assumed it was the royal candidate, but Subaru was determined to right his wrong so he ignored it and continued on with what he was doing.
Subaru: ‘That’s passable I guess.’ Subaru thought as he stared at his dirty hands, the sun just now dipping below the horizon. This ushered in the crickets and frogs to begin their songs to fill in the silence of night.
Subaru: “I should apologize to the spirits… But first I need to clean up, Al-Shamak.”
A portal the size and shape of a doorway opened, walking through brought him directly to his room where he then showered and changed clothes to prepare himself to apologize to the spirits.
He changed into his usual outfit used for his duties in the capital as he would probably run into the half elf at some point in the night and should look presentable.
He dressed himself in a thin long sleeve black turtle neck with black slacks to match his hair and a black belt with a golden clasp. Overtop he had a very dark purple cloak with gold trim that was open in the front, it was clasped over his chest with a single gold chain.
His dress shoes also black, shined to perfection by Rem he presumed. However they did not use laces. Instead they used carefully measured golden clasps to hold the shoe shut when put in place.
Subaru: “Heh, how fitting.” Subaru muttered sarcastically as he opened the portal and traveled back into the now repaired garden.
Sitting cross-legged in front of the empty pond, he reached out to the spirits, but there was no response.
Subaru: “I must have given them quiete the scare. I guess I have no choice then.” Subaru sighed in defeat and opened another portal to his side and pulled out a cello and a stool to sit on.
Around two years ago, the raven haired boy discovered the spirits react well to one thing and it never fails, music. There is no explanation he can come up with, but perhaps it calms them? Ever since this discovery, his dear Beako suggested he take up a instrument and play for them.
Sure it wasn’t amazing at first but the spirits noticed his earnest efforts and eventually grew to enjoy his progress. But as of now, he doesn’t feel the need to progress any further, he has gotten to the point where he can just, play. No music sheets no instructions, just him and what he wants to convey.
Subaru: “Oh spirits, hear my music. Reply to me.”
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Emilia has had an exhausting day, between the trip over, the loads of information she received from the eccentric man and the twin maids she had met, let’s just say its been a while since she has had that much social interaction.
Puck had long gone to sleep but it wasn’t quiete bed time yet, so she decided to wander the mansion after eating supper. Then she heard it.
Emilia: “What is that wonderful melody?” She muttered to herself.
Pacing towards a hallway window she saw a man playing a instrument she had never seen before. All she knew is it sounded beautiful, there were also… Spirits? She had to see more, from what she could tell he looked to be in the gardens at the side of the mansion.
The half elf ran over before he could stop playing and silently watched and listened. What she saw baffled her. This mysterious man played a beautiful, yet.. Sad, melancholic melody. And all around him like little stars were spirits. What was even more interesting is sometimes, depending on the tone, other spirits would glow stronger than others, bathing the flower garden in different colors.
He played for a few more minutes and then stopped, the spirits spun around in thanks for his performance before disappearing into a tornado of light.
Subaru: “You must be our honored guest. It’s nice to finally meet you, Emilia-Sama.” He said slowly raising from his seat whilst seating his cello on its stand.
Emilia: Oh uhm yes. That’s me, just Emilia. And you-
Subaru: “Apologies, how could I forget my manners.” Subaru interrupted finally turning around.
However he was left stunned. What stood before him was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Porcelain skin, perfectly shaped red lips, amethyst eyes and silver hair that practically glowed in the moonlight. Quickly composing himself he continued his introduction.
Subaru: “Ahem, I am Subaru Natsuki, resident of this mansion and Inquisitor for the kingdom of Lugunica.” Emilia tilted her head in confusion.
Emilia: “In-quisitor? Is that some form of soldier? Ah! Not to be rude, its nice to meet you too, Subaru-san.” Subaru chuckled at her awkwardness.
Subaru: Yes, my duty is to hunt, and investigate any who are deemed to be traitorous or harmful to our kingdom, whilst knights are more of an enforcer of peace. Although I’m not as dedicated to their… Code, I’d still say I’m pretty capable. I’m sure my skills will be of use to you Emilia-sama.” He said with a curt bow.
Emilia: “O-oh there’s no need for that Subaru-san, just please call me Emilia. At least in private is fine.” Subaru gave her a soft smile with a nod.
Subaru: “Very well, you may just call me Subaru then if you like, its up to you.” Emilia smiled back upon hearing his agreement unlike the maids Whom refused to call her without honorifics.
Emilia: “So Subaru, what is that wonderful instrument you have there? You are sooo good at it, and there were spirits everywhere! You must have a really high spirit affinity.” The raven haired boy amused himself with her childish excitement.
Subaru: its called a Chero. (They call it that in Japanese but they obviously don’t have Latin in Re:Zero so I’m just gonna use that.)
Emilia: “Chero… I reaaally liked it, if its not to much to ask, could you play it again for me? Not tonight of course! Its uhm getting sooo late and uhm, I should get to bed.” Subaru chuckled at her social prowess or lack thereof.
Subaru: “Alright, I am technically yours to command.”
Emilia: “P-Please don’t make it sound like I’m forcing you to do it…” Subaru let out a hearty laugh at her response.
Emilia: “Uuhg, your just teasing me aren’t you!?”
Subaru: “Apologies if it came across that way, I simply wish to know the boundaries of our future relations.”
Emilia: “Ah… I see, well then, as my underling I decree you stop seeing me as such a forceful person.” She pronounced with a completely straight face and pointed finger.
Subaru looked for any sarcasm or joke on her features but found it to be a completely genuine command.
The Raven haired boy couldn’t hold back any longer and started laughing, a laugh he hadn’t thought would ever escape his lips again.
Emilia: Wah!? You… You dunderhead! You are teasing me again!” Subaru kept laughing at her dismay, wiping the tears from the corner of his eyes.
Subaru: “Ahaa… I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I think we will get along just fine, Emilia. Let’s work together and make the world a better place, yea?” He exclaimed, waiting for her confirmation.
Emilia: “Oh… it would be reaaally good if we could work together… I think…“
Subaru: “Of course, we can speak more in the morning. Thank you for… Never mind, good night Emilia.”
Emilia “Very well, good night Subaru.”
Subaru grabbed his cello and stool then opened a portal that led directly to his room, but before he left he had one more thing to say.
Subaru: “Oh, Emilia?”
Emilia: “Yes?”
Subaru: “No one says dunderhead anymore.” He smirked looking back briefly to see her pouting.
Emilia: “There you go teasing me again!” She exclaimed, exasperated
The Inquisitor simply proceeded to walk through the portal, his chuckling disappeared as he did so. The portal then closed soon after. Emilia didn’t particularly mind Subaru teasing her, but she did wonder if opening portals willy-nilly was something normal. Its one of the most difficult spells to cast and he had done it like it was no big deal.
???: “I see you have finally met Subaru.”
Emilia gasped in surprise at the sudden presence.
Emilia: “Oh its you Rem. Yes, he is very erm, unique.” Rem giggled at this.
Rem: “Yes, you should have met him when he first came to live here in the mansion. Completely clueless about everything, a goofball, a thick headed idiot… But he learned so fast. He became such an incredible person, sharp, powerful and a valuable asset to the kingdom and to Roswaal-sama.” Emilia listened attentively to this information.
Rem: “Thank you, Emilia-sama.” She said with a deep bow and a smile.
Emilia: “Oh there’s no need for that! Please raise yourself... But I’m not sure what I did for you to be grateful.” She confessed.
Rem: “You did more than you could possibly imagine… You made Subaru-kun laugh. A laugh I hadn’t heard in such a long time. It… almost brought a tear to my eye Emilia-sama.” Emilia smiled at this, then her gaze became downcast.
Emilia: “Is… Subaru okay? Its bad not to laugh right? Puck told people are supposed to laugh.” Rem shook her head with an expression Emilia couldn’t understand.
Rem: “Rem will not speak for Subaru-kun’s struggles as he has yet to open up to me. If he wants to tell you he can. All I know is he lost someone very dear to him about one year ago now and it has been very hard on him.” Emilia put a hand to her mouth in surprise.”
Emilia: “That’s… Terrible. Rem nodded in agreement.
Rem: “Although I wish it could be Rem he comes to… If you have the chance to help him open up, please do it Emilia-sama.”
Emilia: “I’m going to be honest, I am not good with interacting with people or reading a room… But I will try Rem.”
Rem: “Don’t think too much into it, Rem thinks you should just be yourself, after all, you have done more for him that Rem has in a whole year… Good night Emilia-sama.” Rem gave a curt bow and proceeded back inside, leaving the half elf alone to her thoughts.
Emilia: ‘I’ll have to get Pucks help tomorrow.’
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Subaru brushed his teeth and washed his face before he headed to bed, but before he did so he caught his reflection in the mirror and was… Smiling?
Subaru: ‘That girl… She certainly is an amusing one.’
With those thoughts he finally rested on his bed and drifted off to sleep.
He awoke from a dreamless sleep, he felt rejuvenated, he felt… Good. Smirking at this revelation, he tried to get up but found something wrapped around his waist.
Lifting up the covers he looked down and saw very familiar pink dress and blonde twin drill tails. Subaru chuckled Bitterly.
Subaru: “Heh… Your not real…
Beatrice: “That’s rude of you to say! I’m clearly clinging to you right now, I suppose.” She said nuzzling her face in his chest.
Subaru: “Don’t play with me… You’re a figment of my imagination, the real Beako was never this close…. Your just… What I wanted us to be.”
Beatrice: “Poor Subaru, you have the power to change the world itself yet, you cant even save one little girl who begs to die? What a disappointing student Betty has, I suppose.”
Subaru: “You mean ‘had.’ Stop playing these mind games! Get the fuck out of my head!” The spirit pouted at him.
Beatrice: “Fine, its time for Subaru to wake up anyway, in fact.” She said emotionlessly.
Getting off of him she floated in the air above Subaru and lifted her hand.
Beatrice: “El-Minya.”
Dozens of spikes impaled the raven haired boy, crystalizing him instantly along with the bed and the floor around it.
Beatrice: “Fool.”
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Subaru: “Gaah!!”
The Inquisitor gasped awake and felt himself over, finding himself not impaled with many holes, or turned into a crystal. But he soon heard himself give a mirthful chuckle with hidden meaning.
Subaru: “Even if it were real… Could I really blame her?”
*EDIT* Many told me the ending of the original chapter was wack so I changed it. Hope this is better.
A/N ->
Well here is the Pilot, I thought of this concept around a month ago and put a draft together in my head, let me know if its something you would like to continue reading! Have a good day!