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“Lewis, wait up!”, Nico called out across the paddock and the Ferrari driver turned around. “Hey, Nico! How’s your break been?”, he asked with a smile and clapped his back. “It’s been great. I’ve seen your Instagram post. Looked like you took off some time to recharge?”, he asked. “Yeah, it was definitely needed.”, Lewis replied with a grin.
“Oh, I can imagine. Hey, man, I just overheard some FIA officials, they were talking about making some sorta big secret public for drama? Leak something.”, he told him, voice lowered. They were still standing in the middle of a buzzing paddock, after all.
“I wonder what that could be.”, Lewis mumbled. “Alright, thanks for telling me. We should probably talk at the next drivers’ meeting, if someone has anything to share.”, he already rushed off again and Nico continued his own walk to Sauber.
—
“Guys, hey! Listen up!”, George was trying to reign the chaos. It was summer and hot, so they had chosen to meet up later than normal. George clearly regretted it, the late evening made everyone giddy and everything but concentrated - a recipe for disaster with six new rookie drivers on the grid this year.
At least the youngsters were still intimidated, and everyone else had a healthy dose of respect ever since George once went head to head with Sulayem and came out on top. When he was twenty. So the room quieted down, chairs were pushed in the correct positions again, one could hear the faint hum of the AC unit working in overtime.
“Thanks. Lewis had something to say, so…”, George sat down next to Albon and Hamilton stood up. “Thanks, George. So, I got word earlier that the FIA wants to meddle in our personal lives again and leak something. A huge secret, by the looks of it. So, I don’t know what it is that they have, but I wanted to open the floor to any and all things you might want to share.”
Surprised gasps had hushed whispers started around the room, but Lewis wasn’t done yet.
“And I’d like to start. I’ve been keeping this secret for a very long time, and I need you to do the same, please.” This time, everyone nodded. “I should probably start off with the fact that not everything media portrayed was true, and also that I haven’t told anyone for so long because I was afraid of reactions. Your reactions, the teams, media. But I’m old, I’m driving a tractor and I don’t actually care anymore.”
“So, I’ve been secretly married for the past eight years to Nico Rosberg.”, he dropped the bombshell and the room exploded.
A collective gasp, then someone shouted: “I fucking knew it!”, several people started laughing relieved, the rookies settled their bets. Someone congratulated Lewis, who had just watched them nervously until then, trying to interpret their reactions. Positive, negative?
“Yeah, congrats!”, Max’s voice was the first one to cut through all the noise. “You happy, yeah?”, he asked. “Oh, we definitely are.”, Lewis said proudly. “That’s great. I’m so happy for you!”, George said and stood up to hug his old teammate. That quieted everyone else down again.
“Unexpected, I’ll admit. But good for you.”, Alonso was next and nodded Lewis from his spot at the window. Basically the highest approval you could get from him.
“I know it must be strange for you, but I hope it’s okay.”, Lewis spoke up, and only then the remainder of the room realized what he was really doing here. Bracing for rejection. And that, well that just couldn’t happen to the GOAT.
“Don’t be stupid, Hamilton. We all love you, yeah? Anyone who doesn’t fully support and stand behind him?”, Lando asked the room and managed to go from his usual happy self to definitely threatening in one sentence. Nobody spoke up or moved.
“Yeah, man. Don’t worry, it’s not 2010 anymore.”, Kimi spoke, all the other rookies nodding with him. “Yeah, we cool.”, affirmed Charles and that finally made Lewis loosen up again. He cracked a smile. “Thanks guys, that means a lot.”, he said and Alex swore he got a little teary eyed over it.
“You don’t have to answer, I don’t want to be insensitive, but did you ever tell anyone?”, Alex asked carefully, rushing the last part. “Toto knows, obviously. He caught us like, in the first week on the job?”, Lewis smiled embarrassed. Alex shoot George a look™️.
“He’s chill with it?”, Kimi asked up. “Yeah, one of the few back then. Now it’s different, apparently. He keeps interviewing the other team principals and send me an in depths analysis on everyone.”, Lewis said and didn’t notice how several other people in the room perked up at that. “And?”, Lando asked hesitantly but too urgent at the same time.
“Except Horner and Briatore, everyone is cool. I don’t know about the new Racing Bulls one, though. Toto hasn’t gotten to him yet.”, Lewis joked. “Oh, he’s solid.”, Isack said casually. “Yeah, Alan and Laurent celebrated that ‘ fucking homophobic and sexist man’ being gone - their words, not mine.”
“Well, now you know. Anyway, that’s it from me, really. I am open to questions later when we’re done.”, Lewis announced and took his seat again.
“Alright, anyone else?”, George asked. It was quiet in the room for a few seconds, then Lando stood up and dragged Oscar up with him as well. The moment the Aussi smiled at Lando again as if he was the only person in the world, it clicked.
“We’re also married. And adopting a kid right now.”, Lando announced. Despite the very similar announcement mere minutes earlier, the room erupted once again. “A kid?”, Carlos shouted at the same time as George and Alex shouted: “Married?”
The rookies were already passing money around again, Carlos was muttering in Spanish, somewhere in Australia the one retired Danny Ric gasped and grasped his heart. “It’s happening!”, he whispered and grabbed his phone in awe.
It started buzzing in Lando’s pocket, and he took the call. “I sensed your announcement. Keep me on the phone, yeah?”, Daniel asked and Lando popped his phone - Daniel on FaceTime - up on its own chair. Immediately a second window opened. Then a third. A fourth.
Nobody could make out any of the faces on Lando’s small phone screen and they were also definitely too invested in Lando and Oscar. Better that way, since Daniel had immediately activated the entire trusted retired drivers group and added them all.
“Yeah, kid. Her name is Amelie, she’s eighteen months old and the cutest thing ever.”, Lando replied. “Also, yes, married since last summer, only on paper, you’re all invited to the big party.”, Oscar added. “It’ll be next year, and it’s gonna be amazing and it’s gonna be in Australia during winter break.”, Lando told them and high fived Oscar with the widest grin ever.
“You’re too cute.”, Lewis said. “Thanks. Uh, also I think we should probably work on our communication skills.”, Oscar replied and scratched the back of his neck. “You don’t know half of it.”, George said and grinned. “Don’t worry, I think everyone has had their own valid concerns about not sharing anything earlier.”
“Yeah, and also that brings us to our announcement.”, Alex said swiftly, stood up and pulled George into a kiss. Cheering broke out, George immediately blushed and got redder than a tomato. Someone hollered, the rookies were exchanging more cash, Lando wolf-whistled.
“We’re also together since, uh, 2019? Long time. Haven’t tied the knot yet but getting there.”, Alex said and grinned happily. Someone half-sang RAYE’s ‘Where is my husband?’, George grinned conspiratorially and tapped his pants pocket, then motioned opening a ring box. “Oh my god!”, Kimi gasped.
“You good?”, Isack and Alex asked at the same time. “Yes, yes.”, Kimi assured embarrassed. “How did we never knew? You aren’t even teammates!”, Lando asked. “You think only teammates can be together?”, Max asked with a raised eyebrow. “No? I just think it was probably easier for us or Brocedes than for them.”, Lando defended himself. Max just scoffed.
“Oh, stop it, man. Everyone knows about you and Danny.”, Oscar just told him. “What?”, Yuki shouted. “What?”, Max echoed blankly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to uh, pressure you to say anything, but like everyone knows.”, Oscar said apologetically. He normally didn’t get that protective, except about Lando, of course.
“Yeah, sorry to burst your bubble, man. But even f2 knows.”, Isack added. “You really weren’t subtle, like, ever.”, Lando also said. Max sighed. He didn’t even look disappointed, just done with them all. “Can you at least tell me if it was Danny that gave it away?”, he asked.
Embarassed silence.
“Man, I’m sure half of us only know because we’re ex-bulls.”, Alex just said. “Okay, that’s embarrassing. Well, we are together, just got engaged over Winter Break.”, Max told them, a rare genuine smile on his face. “And yes, you can all come to the wedding.”
Finally, everyone started cheering again. The VCARB boys high fived, Lando gave Max a big hug, Yuki stepped on his chair.
“I fuck Pierre.”, he announced. “And we are together. That was horrible, Yuki.”, Pierre added hastily from next to him, but both were laughing. “Eww!”, the rookies shouted, “I need ear bleach!”, Max complained. “Congrats!”, Lando shouted over the chaos.
“Guys, that’s- congrats. Any other couples on grid? We don’t have much time until curfew.”, George reminded them, ever the orderly. It went quiet, everyone just looking around for a second, then-
Several more hands shot up in the air. “Wait- the fuck?”, Isack shouted. “You?”, Lando exclaimed but it wasn’t clear who he was talking about, for which most other drivers had put their hands up. “Even Rookies? That’s unexpected.”, Lewis mumbled into the silence.
“So, Charles and Carlos?”, George asked. The two confirmed with a kiss under applause. “Fiancées.”, Carlos announced proudly, displaying the absolute rock on Charles finger. How had nobody ever seen that? “But you will be invited to eventual wedding, don’t worry.”, Charles said laughing.
“Kimi and Ollie?”, George asked, voice somewhere between surprise and betrayal. “Since F2 when we were teammates.”, Ollie said and clasped their hands together. “Aww, cute!”, Liam sighed. “Never really a secret, actually surprised you didn’t pick up on it.”, Kimi told his teammate. “He was busy sneaking over to Williams.”, Carlos teased.
“Uncalled for. I also like to visit my former people there.”, George informed them dutifully. “Of course you do.”, Alex nodded along and tried to keep a straight face. He failed miserably to the amusement of the rest of the grid.
“You two?”, George asked confused and pointed to Gabi and Nico. “Yeah.”, Gabi confirmed before Nico could even open his mouth. “Also yes, I want it and he is not taking advantage of me or whatever you might think.”, the Brazilian added defensively. “He needed a lot of convincing from me.” Someone chocked on his laughter.
“It all makes so much sense now, unfortunately.”, was all that George replied. “We’re happy for you, we truly are.”, Alex assured the two. “He just lost a bet to me, that’s all.”, he told them with a grin. George tried to kill him with his eyes alone, but his boyfriend seemed completely unaffected by it.
“You bet on us?”, Nico finally found his voice again. “We all did, I’m afraid.”, Lando said and scratched his neck. “That’s true.”, Lewis said. “Even the retirement village is on it.” Nico groaned. That was probably the first and only time they’d ever see Nico Hülkenberg blushing and hiding his face between his hands. “He’s a menace.”
“I am.”, Gabi announced proudly. “And you are boring old man.” Snickering all around the room. “Careful, Gabriella.”, Nico replied, voice perfectly level. Gabi shuddered. “Oh my god, get a room.”, Yuki groaned. “Well, that’s rich coming from you. But we will.”, Gabi replied sassily.
“Oh my god. We unleashed a monster.”, Ollie whispered.
“Alright, guys, concentrate.”, George exclaimed again. “What are we thinking here? Fernando and Lance?”, he asked the two. Fernando grimaced at that while Lance just stared at the floor. “We are. But not in the paddock, ever. Not with his father around.”, Fernando explained.
“Okay, we can respect that.”, Nico said. “Yes, we totally understand.”, George also added. “We want everyone to be safe.”, Lewis nodded along. “Thanks guys.”, Lance smiled hesitantly. “Means a lot.”
“I mean, let’s be real. When would we all have shared this? When we retired? Even later? Everything should stay in this room, guys. Well, you two can talk to Nico and DanRic about it.”, George said and pointed to Lewis and Max.
“Yeah, we keep everything from today a secret.”, Fernando agreed. “100%.”, Lando promised. “So anything else you wanna share with the group?”, Lewis asked and looked around. Isack hesitantly held up his hand, suddenly shy with the room’s attention on him.
“I am asexual.”, he announced. “Cool, me too!”, Lando exclaimed. “Really?”, Max asked surprised. “Yeah?”, Lando replied confused. “I could’ve sworn I heard you banging someone in Texas last year.”, Max mumbled. “Oh, that was Osc all alone when I su-“
“Oh my god, stop! We have babies here!”, George interrupted him. “I’m literally an adult.”, Kimi complained. “You were born in 2006.”
—
Also, the big secret revealed to the press was about papaya rules in the MTC. Nobody was any wiser about the romantic activities of the paddock and some still wondered years later why they all collectively decided to come out to each other.