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After a long night of performing in front of a ton of ENGENEs, the seven members finally now have the time to do the one thing they’ve longed to do at the start: rest. As all of them arrive back at their dormitory, the first thing all of them immediately do is head straight to their respective rooms. Before long, five of them are already knocked out in their beds. However, two of them aren’t ready to surrender to sleep…just yet.
With serene grace, Jake moves through his usual nightly routine. He slipped himself into something more comfortable, wiped away the polished cosmetics off of his face, and gave himself a quick bite of some of his and Heeseung's leftover ramyeon from the night before. As Jake trudges himself back to his bedroom, he draws the curtains from his window and dims all of the lights. Soon after, Jake allows himself to fall onto his plush bedsheets, relieved that the long day he and the others had can finally hit its end. However, even if he’s relieved, something – or someone – is holding off on the day’s end.
Knock
…
Knock
…
Knock
Upon hearing his door creak open, Jake slowly raises his head from his pillows. Not long after, he hears a familiar voice cooing at him, “Hey angel.” It’s Jay. When he sees Jay’s head slowly pop into his view, Jake settles himself down on the sheets in anticipation as Jay advances towards him. With Jay towering over him on his bed, a bashful giggle escapes out of Jake’s lips.
“Since when did you start calling me that?” he asks as his fingers glide across Jay’s sharp jawline.
“What? Am I not allowed to call you that?” Jay replies in mock offense as his thumb rubs against Jake’s lower lip. This only made a couple more bashful giggles escape out of Jake’s lips.
“Don’t jump to conclusions, silly.” With both of his thumbs, Jake gently pushes up the ends of Jay’s faux frown, “I just wanna know why.” In an instant, Jay’s faux frown melts away under Jake’s soft touch. Soon after, once a genuine smile forms upon his face, Jay captures one of Jake’s hands in his own. His lips press against Jake’s palm like the touch of a dove, which sent shivers down Jake’s spine.
“Because that’s what you are to me, Jake,” Jay murmurs as his lips continue to linger against Jake’s palm for a while longer until he draws back and looks at Jake right in the eyes – devoid of any teasing, “My one and only angel.” Then, Jay leans down and presses his lips against Jake’s for a couple of seconds before pressing his lips against the other regions of Jake’s face.
“Oh Jay,” Jake quietly mewls as his hands clutch onto Jay’s shoulder blades, bathing in his devotion and love. However, before Jake can bathe in it any further, Jay pulls away from him, suddenly allowing a whine to escape from his lips.
“I know you want more angel, but I’m not able to stay for a little longer,” Jay sighs as he pulls the blanket up to Jake’s chin.
“What do you mean?”
“I just,” Jay takes a pause as he not only ponders what to say next, but also how those same words will affect Jake afterwards, “I need more practice.” As expected, Jake does not take it well and sulks. In an attempt to soothe the sudden tension between them, Jay cards his fingers through Jake’s hair, “I know angel…I know.”
“...” When the tension still lingers, Jay draws his hand away before carefully pulling Jake up into his arms. Upon resting his head on Jay’s shoulder, Jake lets out a sigh of resignation as his fingers hang onto the fabric of his shirt, “It’s about that song of yours again, isn’t it?” Jay solemnly nods as he adjusts his hold on Jake.
“Yeah,” he admits as his hands trail down Jake’s back, “But even when I don’t want to, Yuki’s been demanding more from me, especially when he now wants me to redo the entire song.”
“You’re going to take a while, aren't you?” As Jake’s question lingers in the air, Jay hesitates. He can be the devil’s advocate, but he’ll be a horrendous one at that even if he’s the only one available for the role. He can let his mind play Russian roulette with him, but the gun would only fire the fatal barrels. Eventually, in an attempt to prevent Jake from waiting any longer, Jay lets a reluctant response escape from his lips.
“I’m not sure, but I promise I’ll make it up to you once I’m finished.” Jake pulls his head out of Jay’s shoulder and gives a reluctant ghost of a smile in return.
“You promise?” Jay leans in and briefly presses his lips to Jake’s once more.
“I promise angel.” Once he provides some “reassurance,” Jay lays Jake back down onto the pillows. As soon as he stands up from Jake’s bed, he prepares to take his leave. However, before he takes a step out the door, Jay looks back at Jake with a stoic gaze, “Oh, and one more thing angel,” Upon witnessing Jay’s sudden stoicism, Jake shudders, “Don't disturb me.” Despite this stoicism being foreign to him, Jake still feels grateful for Jay’s presence nonetheless.
“Goodnight Jay,” Jake murmurs, causing Jay to shoot a titter out of his lips.
“Goodnight Jake.” When he hears the soft click of Jay closing his bedroom door, Jake burrows himself deeper into his blanket. However, he can still feel Jay’s stoicism clouding his “reassured” mind.
Don’t disturb me.
(Am I still good to you?)
Don’t disturb me.
(Am I nothin’ compared to your song?)
Don’t disturb me.
(Am I bein’ a burden to you, Jay?)
That one “simple” request from Jay was like a mantra to Jake’s poor ears. Not only did it become aching to hear it over and over again, but also it made it harder for Jake to block out the noise.
Don’t disturb me.
(’M nothin' to you.)
Don’t disturb me.
(’M a burden to you.)
Don’t distur-
Then from down the hall, Jake can hear the low humming of Jay’s amplifier being turned on followed by a couple of percussive plucks from Jay’s electric guitar. The harmony that came from the strummed guitar strings should’ve make Jake more worried, and the melody that slipped out of Jay’s lips should’ve make Jake more dejected. However, it only brings a strange comfort to him. The constant ringing and questioning are gone, and the melody and harmony seemed to have seep into his consciousness, lulling him into a state of soft slumber. The more Jake hears of the melody and harmony, the more somnolent he becomes until he can finally close his eyes and drift away safely to a peaceful dream.
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When Jake slowly reopens his eyes, he finds himself at the same concert venue he performed at earlier with the others. He saw the same load of ENGENEs surrounding the stage with their light sticks on, and he can sense the same vibrant, vivacious atmosphere around the arena. Jake hopes he can relieve that feeling once again. However, before he can even bask in it, the spotlight flickers towards him, and in an instant, the jubilance is gone. Gone is the positivity from the ENGENEs and gone is the joyful atmosphere.
“H-Huh?” Jake quietly gasps as he notices the various amount of eyes on him, whether from the ENGENEs or his fellow members, including Jay himself. Not long after, a pocket full of unsettling murmurs can be heard throughout the arena.
“How disgusting!”
(’M disgustin’?)
“He looks like a freak!”
(’M a freak?)
“They should get that monster off the stage!”
(’M a monster?)
Still puzzled with what’s going on, Jake turns to face his fellow members for support. However, they too have the same judgement as the ENGENEs.
“Why do you look that, Jake?”
(Heeseung?!)
“What the fuck are you?!”
(Sunghoon?!)
“EW!”
(Sunoo?!)
“You don’t belong here, Jake!”
(Jungwon?!)
“Stay away from us you fucking creep!”
(Riki?!)
Then, Jake looks down at his hands and shrieks in horror, “OH GOD!” His hands look like they came out of a horror movie. Not only are they contorted and withered, but also they’re puffed up and swollen. At the sight of his grotesque hands, Jake tries his best to flee from the spotlight. However, the spotlight only appears to go wherever he goes. If there’s no escape for Jake, then what’s the point of hiding away from his monstrosity?
In a matter of seconds, another spotlight appears — not hovering over Jake this time — but hovering over the one person whom Jake hoped will protect him from this madness. “Jay?!” However, instead of looking at Jake with worry and love, Jay looks at him with pure abhorrence. In a desperate attempt to change his perspective, Jake runs to where Jay is. “Jay please! Please help me! PLEASE?!” Despite Jake’s continuous, frantic pleas, the look on Jay’s face remains unwavering and judgmental. Then just as Jake gets close to him, Jay nearly shoves him off of the stage with great force.
“Why would I even bother to help you?!” Jay venomously spat, causing Jake to whimper.
“I THOUGHT YOU LOVE ME!” At Jake’s pitiful counterpoint, Jay coldly scoffs.
“Love you!? LOVE YOU?! DO YOU REALLY THINK I’D FALL FOR YOUR SHITTY FANTASY?!”
“JAY JUST LISTEN TO ME!” Jake cries out one last time as he miserably tries to crawl his way back towards Jay with his grotesque hands. In doing so, Jay finally loses it.
“SHUT UP YOU STUPID FUCKING PIG!”
“...” Suddenly, the LED screens around the stage showcase one specific figure on the stage. With this, it’s at that moment Jake realizes what’s really going on.
“AHHH!” There through the array of LED screens, Jake can see himself as an exact — if not — even worse doppelganger than the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Just like his hands, Jake’s current appearance is definitely not easy on the eyes. But then—
“PIG!” An ENGENE’s derogatory slur cuts through the muttering like a knife. It doesn’t take long before a couple more slurs of the same word slipped out of the lips of even more ENGENEs.
“PIG!”
“PIG!”
“PIG!”
“PIG!”
“PIG!”
“PIG!”
If it doesn’t make things any better, the other members including Jay decided to join in on the torment.
“PIG!”
“OINK OINK OINK!”
(Sunoo?!)
“PIG!”
“HERE PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY!”
(Sunghoon?!)
“PIG!”
“SUCH A PIG!”
(Heeseung?!)
“PIG!”
“OINK OINK OINK!”
(Jungwon?!)
“PIG!”
“HERE PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY!”
(Riki?!)
“PIG!”
“I DON’T DESERVE A PIG TO LOVE!”
(Jay?!)
It’s a vertigo that Jake’s forced to spiral. It’s a maddening circus that Jake’s forced to endure. There’s no clothing for him to hide in nor is there anyone he can turn to. If Jake has nothing, then let this be his agony and melancholy.
“PIG!”
“AAAHHH!!!”
“PIG!”
“PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!”
“PIG!”
“PLEASE!!!”
“PIG!”
“NO!!!”
“PIG!”
“NOO!!!”
“PIG!”
“NOOOO!!!”
This isn’t supposed to feel real, right? This is supposed to be a nightmare he’ll soon wake up from, right? Why can’t he wake up? Why can’t it be over? Why can’t it–
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"AAAHHH!!!" Eventually, Jake finds himself suddenly snapped back into reality once a painful scream tears at his throat. As he tries to comprehend what just happen, he can feel his heart hammering rapidly against his ribs, ears ringing the word “pig” in repetition, tears harshly watering down his eyes like a river, and his own breathing being unsteady and heavy. Despite the fact that Jake is relieved to be back in his own bedroom, the unforgettable terror of what he experienced in his nightmare still lingers like a parasite. Jake doesn’t even bother to look down at his hands nor wants to go to the nearest mirror he can find. After all, if what they said about him is true, then so be it.
Before long, the constant ringing in Jake’s ears makes Jake spiral back into the same vertigo from his nightmare.
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
“LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” Without even thinking, Jake launches himself off of his bed and runs out of his bedroom in desperate attempt to flee the noise.
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
He doesn’t know where he’s even going or what he’s even doing at this point, especially at this hour of the night with tears continuously flowing out of his already bloodshot eyes. The whole dormitory is like a never-ending maze even if Jake has already familiarized on where everything is. If the noise didn’t have any more to offer, Jake can hear the loud and quiet snores coming out of Heeseung, Sunghoon, Sunoo, Jungwon, and Riki’s rooms, further reminding him of the one word he’s trying so hard to avoid.
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
After a while of running around the dormitory like a mad man, Jake halts himself in his footsteps once he hears a familiar melody cutting through the constant ringing in his ears. Upon hearing the melody, Jake decides to seek out where it’s coming from until his senses come back to him like a sucker punch the moment he arrives at the source of the melody. “...” There, right in front of him is the door to Jay’s room. “...” At this, Jake lets a couple of tense shudders escape from his throat as he remembers the three damning words Jay said to him.
Don’t disturb me.
He could’ve gone to the others, but why bother with them when they’re already in a state of deep slumber. He could’ve gone outside for some fresh air or a quick treat, but he doesn’t want to be seen by the eyes of the public. He could’ve gone back to bed and stay up all night on his phone, but it only bring him right back to his nightmare. If anything, what’s the point of doing anything else right now besides going to the one person who doesn’t want to be disturbed by anyone? Not long after his remembrance, the mantra of Jay’s words replace the constant ringing of “pig” in Jake’s ears, as well as having the inclusion of Jay’s recent interactions with the other five members.
Don’t disturb me.
“Jungwon, for the love of god can you please not bother me next time?”
“Sorry Jay-Hyung! It won’t happen again!”
"It better."
Don’t disturb me.
“Sunoo, I thought we’ve already talked about this?!”
“But it’s so funny. Can you take a joke for once, Jay-Hyung?”
“Oh my fucking god!”
Don’t disturb me.
“Riki, what the fuck?!”
“Wait, wrong room. My bad.”
"Get out!"
Don’t disturb me.
“If you do that again, I won’t hesitate to beat your ass!”
“Woah Jay-Ah, chill.”
“How can I fucking chill when this keeps on fucking happening every single day, Heeseung?!”
Don’t disturb me.
“SUNGHOON, I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”
“...”
“GET YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK HERE!”
Jake had heard it all: Jay’s cold annoyance towards Jungwon, Sunoo, and Riki, Jay’s explosive rage towards Heeseung and Sunghoon, and Jay’s bitter hatred towards himself for how he’s interacting with the others lately. For Jake however, although he did hear Jay showcase this kind of behavior with his own ears, he’s the only one who’s never seen it with his own eyes. Not only that, he’s also the only one who respected Jay’s privacy, especially as his lover. As his eyes continue to linger on Jay’s door, Jake contemplates on whether or not he’ll experience the same horror as the others. In doing so, he can hear those same words synchronously roaring in his ears again.
PIG!
Don’t disturb me.
PIG!
Don’t disturb me.
PIG!
Don’t disturb me.
PIG!
Don’t disturb me.
Jake clenches his fist tightly as he miserably tries to force himself to make a choice, much more so that the roaring got even louder than ever before.
PIG!
DON’T DISTURB ME!
(Don’t make him annoyed.)
PIG!
DON’T DISTURB ME!
(Don’t make him pissed.)
PIG!
DON’T DISTURB ME!
(Don’t make him hate you.)
PIG!
DON’T DISTURB ME!
(Don’t make him leave you.)
As the roaring continues on in his ears, Jake witnesses his shadow shift into the same grotesque abomination he was from his nightmare. The roaring isn’t going to be patient with his wondering nor is it going to let Jake play is safe.
PIG!
DON’T DISTURB ME!
PIG!
DON’T DISTURB ME!
PIG!
DON’T DISTURB ME!
PIG!
DON’T DISTURB ME!
Then-
BANG
…
BANG
…
BANG
Jake’s fate has been sealed the moment his fist slams repeatedly on Jay’s door. At this, the soothing melody stops instantly and Jay lets out an enraged scream, “AAGGHHH!!! FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!”
“...” Upon hearing that kind of tone laced in Jay’s voice, Jake violently flinches so hard that it caused his entire body to be frozen in place. He can’t run back to his own bedroom nor can he cry out for the others’ help. Jay’s blood is already boiling hot and there’s definitely no turning back now, especially when Jake’s death sentence is already waiting for him just like the others whom all already served theirs. As Jay throws his guitar on the floor and his footsteps get louder and louder towards the door, Jake braced himself for the worst yet to come.
“WHEN WILL ANY OF YOU LEARN HOW TO RESPECT SOMEONE'S FUCKING BOUNDARIES??!! Then-
Click
Not long after, Jay’s door wrenches wide open, causing the door to slam against the wall like a single gunshot. Not long after, Jake is met with the sight of an enraged yet dazed Jay.
“STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!” Jay roars in Jake’s face like a lion before he unintentionally sent Jake flying against the wall alongside some furnishings.
“AGH!” As Jake’s back hits that wall with a sharp thud, Jay continues on with his inadvertent tirade, still not knowing who he’s lashing out towards.
“YOU REALLY THINK IT’S FUNNY TO TREAT ME THIS WAY WHEN I LITERALLY GIVE THE SAME RESPECT TO YOU??!!” It’s the angriest that Jay has ever been with anyone, and it’s clearly a sight no one, especially Jake wants to see from him. He doesn’t want to relieve what has happened in his nightmare. He doesn’t want to see the nightmare’s rendition of Jay appearing in his reality. Why does it have to happen again? Why does the nightmare continue on for much longer when it’s supposed to be already over? “YOU REALLY THINK THAT I DON’T MIND THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU AND THE OTHERS PULL ON ME??!! NONE OF YOU WILL KNOW HOW I FUCKING FEEL, AND YOU SHOULD’VE KNOWN BY NOW BEFORE THIS PIECE OF SHIT EVER FUCKING HAPPENED!!!”
But then, Jake lets out a couple of whimpers escape from his lips. At this, it immediately makes Jay stop in his tirade as he lets out a panicked gasp escape from his throat. “Oh shit!” As Jay realizes what he’s done, his mind flashes back to the previous horrific interactions he had with the others, as well as the earlier distance between him and Jake.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, I was just—”
“Jungwon, for the love of god can you please not bother me next time?”
“Sorry Jay-hyung! It won’t happen again!”
“It better.”
/I don’t know why I decided to become like this./
“MOTHERFUCKER!”
“Hehehe.”
“Sunoo, I thought we’ve already talked about this?!”
“But it’s so funny. Can you take a joke for once, Jay-Hyung?”
“Oh my fucking god!”
“Hehehe.”
“FUCK OFF!”
“Woah! Okay! Okay! Sorry my dear Angry Bird!”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!”
/Nor don’t know why the others decided to reciprocate in return./
“Happy birthday, Ddeonu!”
“Riki, what the fuck?!”
“Wait, wrong room. My bad.”
“Get out!”
“But—”
“I SAID GET OUT!”
“Fine, whatever asshole.”
/It’s not my intention to make them like this./
“BOO!”
“AAAHH!!”
“Sorry Jay-Ah!”
“If you do that again, then I won’t hesitate to beat your ass!”
“Woah Jay-Ah, chill.”
“How can I fucking chill when this keeps on fucking happening every single day, Heeseung?!”
“But Jay—”
“YOU LITERALLY MADE ME MESS UP YOU FUCKING DICK! NOW FUCK OFF!”
“Okay Okay! Fine! I’m sorry! I’ll leave you alone if that's what you want! Jeez!”
/Hating me./
“Did you do this?!”
“Well I—”
“Answer me Sunghoon, Yes or no?!”
“I—”
“YES OR NO?!”
“Sunoo made me do it, okay?! It-"
“YOU SICK FUCK!”
“Uh oh.”
“SUNGHOON, I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”
“...”
“GET YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK HERE!”
“UH GUYS, A LITTLE HELP HERE?! JAY'S AT IT AGAIN!”
“DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT HIDING SUNGHOON FROM ME, HEESEUNG!”
“JAY-AH STOP, YOU KNOW SUNGHOON DIDN’T MEAN IT!”
“THAT'S PURE BULLSHIT! HE LITERALLY ADMITTED TO IT!”
/Fearing me./
“I know you want more angel, but I’m not sure if I’m able to stay for a little longer.”
/I’m a fool for letting myself go too much./
“I need more practice.”
/I pity them, especially him — my poor angel./
“You’re going to take a while, aren't you?”
“I’m not sure, but I promise I’ll make it up to you once I’m finished.”
“You promise?”
“I promise angel.”
/I wish I can go turn back time and undo the fucked up stuff that I've done./
“Oh, and one more thing angel…Don’t disturb me.”
/But, the only thing holding me back is my stubborn old self./
Once the flashbacks dissipate from his once dazed mind, Jay’s eyes continuously linger on Jake’s figure against the wall. Jake is huddled up like a cornered wild animal about to be euthanized, sensitive and scared shitless. His fingernails claw against the wall, his body violently trembles like a leaf, and his signature bloodshot eyes water down like rain drops.
“Jake?” Jay cautiously and gently calls out his name, but it only makes Jake more frightened.
“NO!” Jake frantically shrieks, still paranoid of witnessing Jay’s blazing rage, “NO!” Jake can’t even bother to look at the eyes of the most important person in his life, especially with what he did to him. Even though the rage inside of Jay is gone, Jake can still feel the fire encroaching his mind.
“...” As Jay takes one careful step closer to him, Jake lets out another shriek, this time more broken and helpless than ever before as he quickly blocks his face with his hands.
“STOP!!! DON’T YOU EVEN DARE COME NEAR ME!!!” At this, Jay immediately stops in his footsteps and resumes observing Jake’s current state. At the same time, Jake tries to press himself further against the wall like it’s the only lifeline that he has on him even when the real one is in front of him just a couple feet away. Jake’s not Heeseung, Jake’s not Sunghoon, Jake’s not Sunoo, Jake’s not Jungwon, and Jake’s not Riki. If anything, what even is he to Jay? Is he like the others? Is he just another burden that gets under Jay's skin. Even if the possibilities are endless, Jake doesn't know who he truly is to Jay.
The longer he thinks about it, the longer the distance grows between him and Jay. It’s like walking a tightrope for both them, and it doesn’t help that both of them are close to falling down. For Jake, he feels like he had already fell down the moment Jay focused more on his passion rather than his love for him. Then, Jake drops to his knees onto the floor and wails like he can flood the entire dormitory within seconds. If anything, his tears and the distance between him and Jay intensified even more following the miserable and pitiful fact that he just refused the love of the one person he cares about the most.
At the same time, Jay also caught himself in a dilemma as puzzling, if not, more puzzling. Although he can respect Jake’s boundaries and leave him be, he's also aware of the fact that he can’t just stand there and do absolutely nothing while his beloved angel breaks down. After all, their love is this close to being on the rocks and the dents between them still needed to be fixed. With a heavy breath, Jay decides to finally mend the fences and restore the loving balance and harmony between him and Jake, and fortunately for him, Jake doesn’t halt him in his cautious footsteps. As Jay kneeled down to Jake’s level, Jake instantly recoils, still heavily refusing Jay’s love for him.
“...” Jake whimpers once more as Jay gets closer to him. Then with a gentle, cautious hand, Jay brushes several of Jake’s matted, frizzled bangs away from his teary face. Soon after, Jay speaks to Jake in a tone that Jake doesn’t anticipate on coming.
“Jake,” Jay murmurs Jake's name again in his ear in the softest tone possible. Of course, while it’s obviously soft there’s one thing about Jay’s tone of voice that makes Jake so weak in the knees. There’s no Korean coming out of his tongue. Instead, it’s replaced by something that Jake rarely hears from Jay. By something, English — or to be more specific — American English.
“...” As he hears Jay’s American accent spill out of his mouth, Jake lets out a shudder as he reluctantly lifts his head up and looks at Jay with such broken eyes. Once again, with a gentle, cautious hand Jay slides his hands down from Jake’s hair to his dampened cheek, cupping it with his fingers while he feels the wetness of Jake’s tears seeping through.
“Hey, you’re still afraid of me, aren’t you?” Jay asks with pure concern. Jake doesn’t give out a response for a while until he only gives out a single nod of his head. Even though Jake didn’t say any words out of his lips, that single action of his is enough for Jay. After all, actions do indeed speak louder than words. Then with a trembling hand, Jake places his hand on top of Jay’s, which is still resting on his cheek.
“...’M-M s-so s-sorry, J-Jay…” he pitifully croaks out as he too allows the Korean from his tongue to slip out entirely and get replaced by English — or to be specific once again — Australian English, “I-I d-didn’t m-mean t-to l-leave y-you u-up a-a g-gumtree.” Both of them don't really speak English that much throughout the entire course of their relationship. However, the two times Jay and Jake did speak English to each other was following two big fights that they had prior, mostly because Jake was highly distressed back then thanks to Jay’s uncontrollable fire. But even then, this is something more than both of those fights combined despite not being a fight itself.
“Oh Jake.” With his other hand, Jay cups Jake’s other dampened cheek while Jake continues on with his words. He wanted to reassure him right then and there, but it’s still too early to do so nonetheless.
“I-I s-should’ve l-listened t-to y-you e-earlier j-just l-like t-the o-others, b-but l-look a-at w-what I-I g-got t-the b-both o-of u-us i-into ’c-cause I-I c-couldn’t h-help a-actin’ l-like s-such a-a s-sook i-in t-the m-middle o-of t-the n-night. I-If y-you w-wanna h-hate m-me a-and b-break u-up w-with m-me a-afterwards, t-then I-I w-wouldn’t s-stop y-you.” Once Jake finishes venting, Jay’s already broken heart shatters into a million pieces.
“You really think I would do that to you?” he asks with a voice full of emotional strain. Instantly, Jake sadly nods his head once again.
“Y-Yes…Y-Yes…” Then in a matter of seconds, Jake collapses on Jay’s chest, wailing the loudest that he’s ever done in the dormitory. The moment Jay can feel Jake’s light body weight on him, he instantly wraps his arms around him like a protective cage. In doing so, Jake keeps croaking out his pitiful apology, “...’M-M s-sorry…’M-M s-sorry…’M-M s-sorry…”
“Shh, I’m here. I’m here, Jake. I’m right here.” For a while, Jay continues to hold Jake in his arms like he’s about to vanish like a ghost. Why should their love be so fragile like glass? Why should their love be so complicated? And worst of all, why should their love be determined by such pessimism anyways? One of Jay’s hands cards through Jake’s matted, frizzled locks while his other hand slowly runs up and down his back. Eventually, Jay carefully stands himself up with Jake still in his arms.
“J-Jay…” Jake tearfully gasps as he feels himself suddenly lifted off of the ground by Jay’s arms like a bride.
“Shh angel...Shh.” As Jay carries Jake into his bedroom, he kicks the door shut with his heel before he twists the lock on the knob, making Jake grimace. Jake doesn’t know what’s going to happen to him. Will Jay cruelly degrade him like he did in his nightmare? Will Jay abandon him like he did in his nightmare? Or what? What will Jay do exactly?
Then as Jay settles himself and Jake down on his bed, he gently coaxes Jake’s head out of the crook of his neck, “Look, I know you don’t wanna talk about it. But if you’ll let me, can I know what’s going through that head of yours?”
“Y-You’re n-not g-gonna b-be m-mad, r-right d-darl?” At Jake’s continuous pessimism, Jay slowly shakes his head.
“Of course not,” he reassures as his thumb glides below one of Jake’s teary waterlines, “I don’t want you to be afraid of me, Jake. You can always let me know when you’re ready to talk.” For a long while, the silence lingered around the two like a pest. After all, did either of them believed that it would be that easy to deal with the elephant in Jay’s room. Jake studies the look in Jay’s eyes to see if his words are able to hold true. Fortunately for him, there’s no fire burning inside Jay’s eyes as he had expected. “Will you allow me to talk to you?” Jay asks again.
Eventually, after a while of hesitating Jake nervously nods his head, and Jay lets out a ghost of a smile, “Thank you, angel.”
“I-I d-don’t k-know i-if I-I c-can s-spill i-it a-all, b-but 'l-l t-try t-to j-just f-for y-you d-darl,” Jake chokes out as he cups both of Jay’s cheeks with his trembling hands.
“Fine by me. Fine by me.” As Jay’s hands tighten their grip on his waist, Jake lets out a shaky breath before he actually begins talking.
“D-Do y-you t-think I-I l-look l-like a-a…” Jake tearfully pauses as he remembers the exact word lingering in his mind.
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
PIG!
P-
“...p-pig t-to y-you?” Upon hearing that question escape from Jake’s mouth is like a stab in the heart for Jay as his eyes widen in worry.
“Huh?!” It’s then that Jake starts to break down again with the inclusion of hyperventilating.
“L-Look a-at m-me. L-Look a-at m-me, J-Jay!” he chokes out, “I-I l-look l-like t-the d-definition o-of r-rubbish! I-I k-know i-it’s n-not j-just y-you w-who m-might s-see m-me t-this w-way, i-it’s t-the o-others t-too! H-Heeseung, S-Sunghoon, S-Sunoo, J-Jungwon, R-Riki, a-and e-even o-our f-fans! T-They w-wouldn’t w-wanna b-be a-around a-a p-pig l-like m-me, a-and y-you c-can’t b-blame t-them o-one b-bit! B-But p-please, p-please J-Jay…d-don’t l-leave me! P-Please!” Jake lets out a couple of hiccups escape from his throat before he hangs his head down low and averts his gaze from Jay’s towards the floor. He doesn’t say anything for a short while before he vents out the worst thing Jay has ever heard in his life, “E-Even t-though I-I d-don’t w-wanna y-you t-to l-leave m-me, s-sometimes…I-I w-worry i-if y-you’ll s-see m-me a-as a-a b-burden f-for f-forcin’ m-myself t-to d-depend o-on y-you l-like ’m-m w-way m-more i-important t-than y-your o-own n-needs…’V-Ve b-been s-so s-selfish t-to t-the b-both o-of u-us, e-especially y-you, a-and f-for t-that, ’m-m s-sorry f-for b-being s-such a-an a-arse t-to y-you.”
Neither Jay nor Jake say anything after Jake’s confession. Even so, the silence is like glass, easily shattered by a truth the both of them don’t want to hear. Is Jake nothing without Jay? Is Jay wasting his time on Jake? Are both of them not meant to be? However, at the same time these are questions neither want to cloud their minds, especially Jay.
As such, he once again coaxes Jake to look right back at him straight in the eyes by gently tilting his chin up. There, Jay sees a sight of Jake that he doesn’t want to see at all. Inside of his eyes is a hurricane of an everlasting lacrimae rerum.
“You’ve been carrying it for a while, huh?” Jay sadly asks as he rests his hands on top of Jake’s, making Jake shiver at the contact.
“I-I d-don’t k-know h-how l-long, b-but i-it…s-sorry…I-I…”
“Take your time. I’m still right here listening.”
“...T-The n-nightmare t-that I-I h-had m-made i-it w-worse!”
“Is that the reason you wanted to see me?”
“...Y-Yes.”
“Oh god, I didn’t even realize.”
“...”
“...”
“I-I j-just…h-hope I-It’ll a-all g-go a-away…I-It’s t-too m-much…I-It’s t-too m-much f-for m-me d-darl…” To prevent Jake from breaking any further, Jay carefully tucks his face in the crook of his neck, clearly not caring about the wetness in the slightest.
“It’s not just you who’s been selfish, Jake. I also have my fair share of selfishness.” As Jay cards through Jake’s locks, he continues on with his words, “I didn’t mean to push anyone away, especially you. But, I fucked up big time.”
“J-Jay…”
“There’s no excuse for what I did, and there’s definitely no excuse for me not being there for you when you need me to.”
“...”
“If I’m being honest, most of the blame should lie with me and never on you, angel.” At this, Jake lets out a shudder as Jay’s words resonate within him.
Most of the blame should lie with me and never on you, angel.
Most of the blame should lie with me and never on you, angel.
Most of the blame should lie with me and never on you, angel.
Should lie with me and never on you, angel.
Should lie with me and never on you, angel.
Should lie with me and never on you, angel.
Never on you, angel.
Never on you, angel.
Never on you, angel.
It’s never your fault.
It’s mine.
“I don’t want you to carry it all alone by yourself, but please if you’ll let me can I carry it with you?” Jake hesitates for a minute, still worried that Jay’s words might not hold true. Eventually, after thinking about for much longer Jake slowly nods his head. At this, Jay doesn’t form a ghost of a smile on his face, but rather a genuine smile that he’s been holding himself back from. “Thank you. Thank you so much angel.” Not long after, Jay presses his lips against the crown of Jake’s head for a while in which Jake surprisingly doesn’t refuse. Following this, Jay carefully pulls down on one of the sleeves of Jake’s loosen shirt and lets his lips velvety brush against his shoulder and the side of his neck whilst he whispered reassurances and sweet nothings against his skin.
“God how lucky I am to have you.”
(Huh, what’s this? Is this supposed to be real, Jay? Please tell me that this not will end up as another nightmare?)
“You’re the only one who can make me feel this way.”
(Am I though?)
“It’s going to be okay, angel. Just trust me.”
(Are you sure everythin's going to be alright?)
“I’ll never ever abandon you, Jake. I promise.”
(If ’m not a pig to you, then what am I to you?)
“...” After a while of Jay’s musings, Jake pulls himself out of his neck and decides to reciprocate the love and concern they have for each other. He takes one of Jay’s hands and begins to gently press his lips on each on his fingertips. Once he finishes, Jake guides Jay’s hand underneath his loosen shirt, allowing him to give him such tender warmth while Jay’s other hand grounds him in place. As Jay’s hand glides across his stomach and nipples, Jake whispers, “Make me no longer afraid tonight.” Then, both of them decide to slowly cross the threshold and finally lock their lips with the other’s.
Jake lets out a shy mewl as Jay’s lips meet his own. Since when was the last time did he taste so sweet? Since when was the last time did he become so gentle and loving? As he and Jay carefully pull away from each other, Jake cautiously cards his fingers through Jay’s hair, “Y-You’re s-still h-here w-with m-me, r-right d-darl?” In response, Jay nods his head and lets out a chortle.
“Still here with you, angel,” he says as his hand slides up and down Jake’s side, “I’m still here.” Jay tilts his face up and rests his forehead on Jake’s, “Let me be here for you Jake, okay?”
“O-Okay…” Following Jay’s affirmation, Jake and Jay resume their tender lip locking session. In doing so, Jay’s fingers linger on the hemline of Jake’s loosen shirt before he eventually rolls the shirt up his body and lets it slide off to the floor. As his upper body lays bare in front of Jay’s eyes, Jake shyly tries to cover himself up by covering his face with his hands.
“Hey, don’t be afraid,” Jay softly reassures as he carefully takes Jake’s hands in his own, “Nothing can hurt you here, not even me.” To make Jake less afraid, Jay decides to strip himself from his tank top before he throws it on the floor alongside Jake’s loosen shirt. Soon after, he guides Jake’s hands across his bare, honeyed chest.
“Y-You’re s-so w-warm…” Jake mumbles with an Australian drawl as his fingers brush against the plane of Jay’s chest.
“You like that feeling, don’t you angel?” Jay coos with an American cadence, which obviously makes Jake shudder.
“M-Mhm…” Then, Jake rests his face against Jay’s chest in which Jay run his hands up and down his back with such gentle reverence. While his hands continue their journey across Jake’s back, Jay plants a couple of soft kisses once more on the crown of his head. Every kiss and caress is like an apology for their missed time. At the same time, it’s something Jay will do for the rest of his life even after they pass away later.
“Shh…I’ve got you…I’ve got you angel,” Jay coos once more as his lips brush against a couple of Jake’s locks. As Jay continues on with his musings, Jake’s mind flashes back to the aftermaths of the two fights he and Jay had in the past.
“’M-M s-sorry…I-I d-didn’t m-mean t-to y-yell a-at y-you…”
(This is where it all began.)
/This is where it all ended./
“I’m sorry too, baby. I didn’t know what I was thinking.”
(He’s always the scariest when he’s mad.)
/He’s always the scariest when he’s afraid./
“W-What w-we’re w-we t-thinkin’?”
(He’s like a drop bear.)
/He’s like a porcelain doll./
“Can I provide you company?”
(Such a loving darlin’ when he isn’t, but such a frightening beast when he is.)
/Such a sweetheart when he isn’t, but such a sacred lamb when he is./
“...I-I g-guess…”
(It’s what he gives me that makes me much more afraid of him than the others do.)
/It’s what he receives from me that makes me much more worried of him than the others do./
“There you are.”
(Ever since we started datin', ‘ve started to become more cautious of my every move.)
/Ever since we started dating, I needed to learn how to conceal my temper./
“...”
(Sure, I love him with all of my heart, but the last thing I want is for him to explode again.)
/Sure, I love him with all of my heart, but the last thing I want is for him to feel traumatized again./
“Look, for what I’ve said earlier I didn’t expect you to take it that personally, Jake.”
(All I needed to do ’s to hide it.)
/All I needed to do is to accept it./
“S-So n-none o-of i-it w-was t-true, J-Jay?”
(Even if I fear him, he’s the only person I would proudly depend on. However, the one thing that’s holdin’ me back is his passion for music.)
/Even if he fears me, I’ll proudly allow myself to take care of him. However, the one thing that’s holding me back from doing so is how distant we become because of me./
“Nope, not even one fucking bit.”
(I don’t care if he’s around Jungwon, Heeseung, Sunghoon, Sunoo, or Riki, but his music is somethin’ that I couldn’t compare myself against.)
/I don’t care if he can depend on the others rather than me, but his fear is the one thing preventing us from understanding./
“...”
(I didn’t confront him about it because I didn’t wanna see that side of him.)
/I knew it’s a problem between us, but none of us never spoken about it./
“Come here.”
(Even so, it still brought me over the edge.)
/Even so, it’s something I can’t control./
“...”
(What does his music have in which I lack?)
/What do I need to do to make him feel safe around me?/
“Don’t worry, I’m not here to be an asshole.”
(Am I not good enough for him?)
/Is he not good enough for me?/
“...”
(Am I not deservin’ of his love?)
/Is he not deserving of me?/
“Do you trust me?”
(Am I-)
/Is he-/
Eventually, their déjà vus causes both of them to relapse back to the reality. Following this, Jake pulls himself out of Jay’s chest before Jay cards through his locks once more. “O-Oh J-Jay,” Jake murmurs.
“Jake,” Jay murmurs back as he tucks a hair strand behind Jake’s ear. Not long after, he guides one of Jake’s hands towards the center of his chest. “Can you feel my heart, angel?” Jake slowly nods his head.
Thump
…
Thump
…
Thump
“’S-S t-this m-meant t-to b-be r-real?” Jake asks as he carefully shifts himself closer to Jay whilst remaining in his loving arms.
Thump
…
Thump
…
Thump
“Mhm.” Jay hums as he presses Jake’s hand further against his steadying heartbeat, “This is meant to be real. You, me, us, everything’s still here and nothing will ever go away, especially not me.”
Thump
…
Thump
…
Thump
“...”
“Do you want me to show you, Jake?” Like before, Jake hesitates for a minute before he once again slowly nods his head in response. Soon after, he leans in where he and Jay resume locking their lips together. As they continue to do so, Jay shifts their position where he’s pining Jake down on top of his plush pillows. Their tongues danced a slow waltz, their saliva connected like a spiderweb, and their shared breaths are drunken and savored. Then just as Jay’s lips start to travel away from Jake’s mouth towards his jawline Jake lets out a timid whimper.
“H-Haaah!” Immediately upon hearing Jake’s whimper, Jay stills himself. However, he doesn’t pull away. Instead, his lips continue to linger on Jake’s skin for a little longer before he slightly lifts his head up to look at Jake straight in the eyes.
“Don’t worry, Jake,” he says as his fingers trace the everlasting trailing tears down Jake’s cheek, “Everything’s going to be fine.” To reassure him even further, Jay presses his lips against his forehead, “Just let go for me, okay?”
“...’L-Ll a-actually t-try t-to b-be g-good f-for y-you d-darl…” Jake murmurs as he leans up and gives Jay one gentle peck on the lips before steadying both of his hands on his shoulder blades, “I-I p-promise.” With Jake’s words in mind, Jay gives Jake another gentle peck on the lips before he resumes his musings by planting several gentle kisses around each region of Jake’s teary face. His soft eyelids, glistening eyelashes, dampened rosy cheeks, the tip and bridge of his nose, and his forehead aren’t left unnoticed by Jay’s lips. “M-Mngh...J-Jay,” Jake mewls his name out as his lips and tongue continue to do their magic on his body.
“Shh my angel,” Jay reassures as his lips and tongue trail down towards the pulse point of Jake’s neck, “Shh…” His hand trails up and down Jake’s chest, gliding across the soft buds of his nipples, as well as his slender stomach. As always, for every musing Jay makes it elicits tearful yet content whimpers from Jake’s lips. Before long, Jay’s lips and tongue continue their trail elsewhere on Jake’s body. His lips and tongue flick and suckle on each nipple like they're pieces of hard candy, his lips and tongue glide and trace each bone across the ribcage like feathers on the breeze, and finally, his lips and tongue swirl and dip inside of the navel like a dancer's skirt.
“H-Haah…” Jake’s toes curl up and he can feel himself getting wetter and wetter the more Jay’s tongue and lips continue their work on his body. As such, one of his hands moves from Jay’s shoulder towards his head while the other travels underneath his own pajama pants and panties. For a while Jake’s fingers slide across the wet folds of his leaking vagina before they went inside of his core like a coin slot, going in and out in a slow rhythm. “A-Aahn…”
“H-Haaahn…”
(Please let this be real.)
“Mmph…”
/This is meant to be real. None of it's a nightmare./
“U-Uhhhnn…”
(Show me that this isn't another fantasy. Make me believe you. Make me believe that this is real.)
“Mmmhh…”
/I'll show you everything that I got./
Upon hearing the quiet whimper come out of Jake’s lips, it’s enough to make Jay notice as he carefully captures the wrist of Jake’s hand in his hair and presses his lips against his palm. “Don’t worry, angel,” he murmurs against his skin, “Let me help you.” Jay’s fingers gently grip on the hemline of Jake’s pajama pants before they slowly tug the pants down. With Jake’s pajama pants now on the floor, Jay witnesses a sight he’s never seen for a while from Jake. Right in front of him is Jake wearing the same black lacy panties that he got for their first dating anniversary.
“D-Do y-you l-like i-it, d-darl?” Jake shyly asks as he carefully pats Jay’s head. In response, Jay lets out a soft chuckle escape from his lips.
“Of course I do, angel. Why wouldn’t I?” Not long after this incredible rediscovery, Jay leaves soft kisses upon the laced fabric of where Jake’s vagina lies underneath.
“A-Aaahh…” Jake mewls as he can feel Jay’s lips and tongue trace the outline of his vagina through his panties, “…J-Jay…”
“Shh, I’ve got you angel. I’m still right here.” With Jay taking a temporary pause with his musings, he unties the tie around his own sweatpants before sliding it off where it joins Jake’s pajama pants on the floor. Soon after, he carefully guides Jake’s hand to his thickening hard bulge lying underneath his boxers while Jake lets out a quiet shudder. “See? I’m still right here with you, Jake.” Not long after his affirmation, Jay’s lips and tongue slowly dive back to the visible outline of Jake’s panties, returning to savor Jake's laced-clothed vagina from underneath.
“H-Haaahh…A-Aaaahhh..." Then a while later, Jay’s lips and tongue glide up Jake’s panties towards the thin hemline. In doing so, both rows of his teeth latch onto the delicate lace and slowly pull the panties down Jake’s legs until it pools around his ankles. “A-Ahgn…” As the cool moonlight breeze kisses his wet folds, Jake’s body slightly tenses and causes him to close his legs. Once this happens, Jay respectively decides to still himself and allows Jake to settle down to the moonlit breeze in his room before he can continue. While he does this, both of Jay’s hands rest on Jake’s trembling knees, feeling the faint tremors coursing through like a singer with a shaky voice.
“Are you okay, angel?” Jay asks with a voice soft like velvet as he observes Jake’s current state.
“…” Jake lets out a couple of soft whimpers as the moonlit breeze continues to kiss his folds. With Jake not giving him an answer, Jay begins to trace circles on Jake’s thighs in a soothing motion with his fingers, as well as plant gentle kisses on his knees. Soon after, he lifts himself up and coaxes Jake to look at him by cupping his face away from his pillow.
“Hey,” he murmurs in a soothing American tone as his thumb glides across Jake’s dampened cheek before he continues on with his words, “Can you look at me, angel?” Jake doesn’t open his eyes for a couple of seconds until he eventually and hesitantly does so. As his eyes slowly flutter open, his pupils are wide and glistening with his signature everlasting tears.
“…’M-M s-sorry, b-but i-it’s b-been a-a w-while s-since w-we’ve l-last d-done t-this, d-darl,” Jake murmurs back in an Australian bumble.
“It’s okay.” Jay exchanges a couple of pecks with Jake while he continues on with his words once more, “You don’t need to hide yourself from me tonight. Let me take care of you like the many times I did before.” As he pulls away, Jay notices some unshed tears finally running out from his waterlines down and down Jake’s cheeks. At this, Jay captures them all with his lips, making Jake shudder once more. However, unlike his previous shudders this one lacks one crucial element: fear. Not longer after, Jay's hand reaches over to the single rose resting inside of the small vase on his nightstand and carefully plucks the flower from the stem before tucking it in-between Jake’s locks.
At this, Jake looks at Jay with glistening goo-goo eyes, still full of tears yet also filled with so much love. “J-Jay, I-I l-love y-you,” Jake mewls as his knees start to relax and start to spread out inch by inch. Although they’re not spread out fully, it’s enough to make Jay happy.
“I love you too, Jake,” Jay reciprocates as his thumb circles around Jake’s shoulder, “I’ll always love you unconditionally.” With one last peck to Jake’s lips, Jay carefully slides the lacy panties off of Jake’s ankles before he repeats his previous ministrations, this time in a much gentler fashion. Soon after, Jay goes back in-between Jake’s legs and kisses his sensitive skin on his inner thighs to prepare him for what’s to come. “Thank you for trusting me, angel,” Jay murmurs in-between kisses. Then, Jay’s lips carefully latch onto the clit of Jake’s vagina, eliciting a content whine from him.
“A-Aaaahh!” Both of Jake’s hands fisted on the bedsheets as he feels Jay’s lips and tongue on the most sensitive part of his body. Before long, Jay’s tongue begins to swirl around the sensitive bud with deliberate yet gentle strokes. “H-Haaahh!” Soon after, Jay’s tongue slides down from his clit towards his wet folds. As soon as Jay savors his sweet, wet nectar from along the wet folds to within the core of his vagina, it causes Jake to softly buck his hips against Jay’s mouth in total tearful bliss. One of his hands travels down to Jay’s head, grounding him in place as Jay continues to gently eat him out. Meanwhile, his other hand remains on the sheets and not long after, Jay’s hand slides up before intertwining Jake’s hand with his own while Jay's other hand strokes his inner thigh.
“Shh,” Jay softly hushes although his voice is slightly muffled by Jake’s delicate flesh, “That’s my angel…That’s my angel.” A little while later, Jay starts to carefully double his efforts.
“H-HAah…A-Aah…J-Jay!” Jay’s tongue moves with an even more adept precision against the wet core and folds and Jay’s lips relishes the nectar even greater. At the same time, Jake’s tears stream down even faster and Jake’s content cries got even more desperate and innocuous. Eventually, Jake shatters himself into a mild, yet well-deserved peak. “A-AAahh…H–HAaah! A-Ahh! A-Ahh! A-Ahh!” As soon as this happens, his core begins to release a tiny bit of squirtage onto Jay’s mouth like fireworks, and Jay decides to lick and savor every last drop until there’s none left. Once he does so, he climbs back up to Jake where he sees his face so flushed yet so precious at the same time. “J-Jay,” Jake whimpers out as his trembling fingers trace Jay’s sharp jawline while Jay’s fingers card through his locks, “T-Thank y-you f-for b-being s-so g-good t-to m-me d-darl.”
“My pleasure angel.” Then, Jay leans down and captures Jake’s lips in yet another passionate, tender lip lock. As they do so, Jake can taste the sweet nectar of himself on Jay’s tongue, eliciting a couple of shudders out of him. In addition, Jay’s fingers guides Jake’s fingers back to his Jake’s already spent out vagina, both of them returning to rub the wet core and folds with their fingers. Eventually, Jay slowly pulls away from Jake with a heavy breath as a string of their shared saliva snaps upon Jake’s chin. Not long after, Jake’s hands trails down Jay’s chest before fondling with the same thick, hard erection bulging underneath Jay’s boxers from earlier.
“You wanna please me too, don’t you Jake?” Jay asks while gently ruffling Jake’s locks and brushing his lips against his ear. Jake slowly nods his head up and down.
“Y-Yeah, I-I d-do…” At this, Jay rolls himself off of Jake and onto his plush pillows, with his back resting on top of them.
“Do the honors.” With Jay’s gentle request, Jake crawls towards Jay's waist and curls his fingers upon the waistband of his boxers. Following this, Jake cautiously and timidly slides Jay’s boxers down his legs until his cock springs out and his boxers join his panties on the floor. At the sight of Jay’s cock, it makes Jake shudder shyly at how huge it is, which is a first in their nights of intimacy.
“Miss the sight of this, huh?” Jay gently teases as he strokes Jake’s back with his hand. Once again, Jake slowly nods his head up and down as he his hand begins to stroke up and down Jay’s cock with such gentle reverence.
“I-I r-remember y-you’d a-always g-get s-so b-big f-for m-me w-when w-we d-do t-this,” Jake whispers with tearful hiccups as he brushes his face against Jay’s cock like a teddy bear, clearly nostalgic of their nights of intimacy. With seeing this from Jake, Jay lets out a shudder at the sight of his current state. He’s never seen Jake so innocent and vulnerable before, especially on a night of their intimacy. Still, it turns Jay on regardless and he cards through Jake’s locks as always as a sign of his pleasure.
“I’ll always trust you angel just like how you’ll trust me in return,” Jay coos as he gently strokes Jake's chin.
“T-Thank y-you.” Then, Jake begins to softly kiss the tip of Jay’s cock before licking off his precum from the slit like a kitten. It obviously and uniquely tasted of Jay, so salty yet so sweet.
“T-That’s it angel,” Jay praises as he relishes Jake’s mouth on his cock, “You’re doing so good for me.” Not long after, Jake decides to carefully take more of Jay’s cock in his mouth. His cheeks hollow around the girth and his tongue swirls around the pulsating veins that linger. As soon as Jay’s cock is settled in his throat, Jake begins to slowly bob his head.
“O-Oh god, just like that angel,” Jay groans as his head falls back against his pillows, “Y-You have no idea what you do to me, Jake.” With one hand, Jake continues to slowly stroke Jay’s cock while the other gently squeezes on his balls. Meanwhile, Jay’s hand continues to carefully stroke Jake’s whereas his other hand gently squeezes one of Jake’s ass cheeks.
“M-Mphgh!”
(Please don’t disappear on me, Jay.)
“F-Fuck…”
/I’ll never ever disappear on you, Jake./
“M-Mmpph!”
(You’re still here, right darl?)
“S-Shit…”
/Mhm, still here as always angel even if I have tell you a million times./
At a certain point, Jay’s hips slowly buck forward as his cock goes in and out of Jake’s throat, causing Jake to mewl with his cries slightly muffled by Jay’s cock. For a while, Jay allows his cock to hit the back of Jake’s throat until he can feel himself twitching. O-Oh shit…O-Oh fuck…J-Jake…F-Fuck!” Before both of them can even realize, Jay releases himself in Jake’s mouth. “FUCK!”
“M-MMPRGH!” As soon as this happens, Jay’s fresh cum expels inside of Jake’s throat. Some of it spills down directly while some of it overflows and slobbers out of Jake’s mouth alongside his saliva. Eventually, Jake slowly pulls his mouth out of Jay’s cock with a wet ‘pop’ sound and nuzzles against it once more, eliciting a chuckle from Jay.
“Heh, I always knew you’ll do well for me angel,” he murmurs as he pets Jake’s head. Jake crawls towards Jay where Jay gently licks the cum and saliva off of his face before exchanging a couple of their usual tender lip locks with him. Like before, Jay groans and shudders once he taste himself on Jake’s tongue as well as the lingering taste of Jake’s nectar. Once Jake pulls himself away, he buries his face in Jay’s shoulder, silently weeping against his skin. “Shh angel…Shh…”
“Y-You’re n-not f-fadin’ a-away,” Jake whimpers as he tightens his grip on Jay’s shoulder blades.
“I’m not,” Jay reassures as he presses his lips against Jake’s temple. By now, Jake expects Jay to judge him right here and now just like he did in his nightmare. However, there’s no degradation slipping out of his lips. Instead, the only things that slip out of him are nothing but praises and reassurances, which are the words he should’ve said to Jake during his nightmare.
PIG!
“I should’ve been there, beside you.”
PIG!
“You shouldn’t have to go through that alone.”
PIG!
“I know how much it hurts you and scares you.”
PIG!
“I’m sorry if it made you thought of me like that.”
PIG!
“It’s never my intention to make you fear me.”
PIG!
“Even if you’re the ugliest piece of shit in the entire world, I’ll still love you regardless.”
PIG!
“You’re never a pig to begin with, and I’ll never call you something like that.”
PIG!
“It’s not just me, Jake. Heeseung, Sunghoon, Sunoo, Jungwon, Riki, and all of our fans would also never call you that. In fact, you’re the last person we’d ever associate with a pig.”
PIG!
“The only thing you are to me and everyone else is that you’re my one and only angel.”
PIG!
“Never forget that, okay?”
Those words from Jay are what broke Jake completely. It’s the sweetest he’s ever been to him, especially on a night of their intimacy. Even so, Jake still needs some convincing nonetheless. As such, he pulls his face out of Jay’s wet shoulder and rests his forehead against his. “I-I d-don’t w-wanna t-to l-let y-you g-go, J-Jay,” he whispers.
“I don’t wanna let you go either, Jake,” Jay concurs as his hand caresses one of Jake’s ass cheeks, “The last thing I ever want in my life is to lose you.” After a couple more tender lip locks, Jay carefully settles Jake back onto his plush pillows. Before he can take Jake’s breath away, Jay caresses his face in the same gentle fashion like the times he did so earlier. At the same time, the head of his cock gently rubs against Jake’s folds as a way of lubrication and preparation of what's to come. “Let me show you how much you mean to me.” Then, Jay slowly slides his cock inside of Jake’s core inch by inch until the hilt is fully buried within the sticky walls.
“A-Aaah!” Jake yelps as he feels Jay inside of him, “S-So…d-deep!”
“Are you okay angel?” Jay asks in concern as he plants a couple of kisses against Jake’s neck in order to soothe him from the passionate burn that he gave him.
“’M-M f-fine!” Jake utters out so purely, “’M-M f-fine...n-no w-worries d-darl.”
“Do you want some time to get comfortable for me?”
“Y-Yes p-please…” Jake carefully adjusts himself around Jay’s cock, and once he does he plants a couple of kisses against Jay’s head. As soon as he feels Jake’s lips on his head, Jay carefully pulls his face out of his neck before exchanging a tender peck with him.
“Always remember that you’re mine and I’m yours.” With that, Jay begins to rock his hips, slowly thrusting in and out of Jake’s fluttery, sticky walls in a gentle rhythm.
“G-Gaaahh…J-Jay…” Jake mewls his legs start to wrap around Jay’s waist, allowing Jay to get better access of him, “J-Jay…”
“D-Do you like the feeling angel?” Jay groans out as he starts to increase his pace just a tad-bit, with the tip of his cock hitting Jake’s core a bit more than before, “D-Do like the feeling of how good you are for me, angel?”
“Y-Yeah…A-Aaahh…I-I l-love i-it s-so m-much…”
“T-That’s my angel…That’s my angel…” Jay leans down and exchanges a searing yet tender French kiss with Jake. Just like earlier, their tongues swirl around each other like dancers engaging in a slow waltz.
“M-Mmph…”
(It’s real.)
“Mmmh…”
/Exactly, this is real./
“G-Gaaahh…”
(You really did mean it.)
“Mmmh…”
/I did, and I’ll always make sure my words stand true, especially when it comes to you./
“Y-You don’t need to think about anything else, Jake,” Jay groans into Jake’s mouth whilst still thrusting his cock into him, “All you need to think about is you and me.”
“I-I n-need n-no o-one e-else b-but y-you, J-Jay,” Jake mewls back as his legs squeeze tighter around Jay’s waist the more Jay thrusts into him. As always, tears continuously pour out of Jake’s goo-goo eyes while Jay's skin slaps against his skin and Jay's flesh slaps against his flesh. Not only that, the allure of American and Australian cadences, as well as the bed creaks echo around Jay’s room like a saccharine symphony meant for the two of them. It's a beautiful experience that both of them don't want to end.
“O-Oh J-Jay…”
(I can’t even think straight.)
“Y-Yeah?”
/He’s just so good for me./
“A-Aaahhh…d-don’t s-stop. D-Don’t y-you e-ever l-let t-this s-stop…H-Haaahh…”
(He can give me the heebie-jeebies whenever ’m around him, but at the same time I feel so loved and protected.)
“I-I’ll try not to angel, don’t worry.”
/That’s all I wanna give him, my love and protection./
“A-Aaahnn…”
(And, I should be grateful that he’s willin’ to give it to me so freely.)
Eventually without breaking any slick connection between them, Jay carefully rolls himself and Jake over. “H-Haahh!?” Jake gasps in Jay’s mouth at this new position, as well as the fact that Jay’s cock is buried deeper inside of him, resulting in a slight bulge in his stomach. As Jake slowly pulls away, his hands decide to fondle around with the bulge, whimpering at the warm yet throbbing sensation.
“Shh angel,” Jay hushes as his lips brushes the side of Jake’s neck to soothe him from the passionate burn once more, “I know…I know it hurts.”
“T-Too…w-warm…a-aahh…” As Jake remains straddled in his lap, Jay’s hands roam down his sides to soothe him even further. After all, it’s been a while since they’ve last made love to each other. “D-Don’t k-know i-if I-I d-deserve s-such w-warmth…” Before Jake can slip back into pessimism, Jay slides his hands towards Jake’s and presses his lips against the bulge.
“You don’t only just deserve warmth from me, Jake,” he murmurs against his delicate yet sweaty skin, “You deserve everything from me. All of me. Never think otherwise based on what’s going through that beautiful mind of yours.”
“’M-M s-sorry a-again…s-still t-too m-much o-of a-a s-sook t-tonight t-to m-make y-you r-reassure m-me a-a l-lot, d-darl...”
“Hey,” Jay murmurs as presses his lips against Jake’s forehead, “Would I be bothered by you being a crybaby and dependent on me twenty-four seven? Of course not.” Not long after, Jay slightly shifts his hips, deepening the bulge on Jake’s stomach as well as reminding Jake of their connection.
“A-Aahh!” Jake mewls as his grip on Jay tightens slightly the deeper the bulge is in his stomach.
“Can you feel how deep I am, angel?” Jay asks in a dulcet tone as his hands caress Jake's back and ass.
“M-Mhm!”
“As long as I'm here, I'm never going anywhere. I don’t care if I have to spend a fucking eternity reassuring you if that’s what you need. In fact, I love it when I have to do it, and I'm grateful to have to the privilege to do it.”
“Y-You h-honestly d-don’t m-mind i-if ‘m-m a-a s-sook t-then?”
“Nope, not at all angel,” Jay reassures and he leans up in another searing yet tender French kiss with Jake once more, “Never be sorry for needing me so much.” Soon after slowly pulling away from Jake, Jay’s hands return to each of Jake’s sides, with one hand on each hip. “You’d always give me a good show whenever we do this. You remember that, right angel?” Jake slowly and shyly nods his head up and down.
“Y-Yeah, I-I d-do…I-I r-remember g-greatly d-darl…”
“Then I wish you don’t mind giving me another one tonight.” As a way of encouragement, Jay gently squeezes both sides of Jake’s hips, which elicits a soft whimper from Jake. “I hope you can show me how much you need and miss me.”
“’L-Ll t-try t-to…”
“Thank you.” Then, Jake lifts himself up from Jay’s slick cock, feeling the passionate burn slowly pulling out of his core.
“H-Haahh…H-Haahh…H-Haahh…”
“Shh…Deep breaths angel,” Jay whispers, “You got this. You don’t have to rush if you don’t want to.”
“H-Haaahh…H-Help…m-me…J-Jay…H-Help…m-me…P-Please…”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got you Jake.” After a little while of Jake trying to ease himself from the passionate burn within his core, Jay slowly helps him sink back down his cock, relishing the returning feeling of Jake’s sticky, fluttery walls against the girthy veins of his cock.
“A-Aaahh!” Not long after, Jay assists Jake finding a rhythm comfortable to Jake’s liking. As soon as that happens, Jake begins to slowly bounce up and down Jay’s cock. “G-Gaaahh!”
“T-There we go,” Jay praises while he becomes completely mesmerized at the sight of Jake riding him, “T-That’s my angel.”
“H-Haaahh…” Jake hangs his head back in ecstasy, with the rose still fully tucked in his locks as well as his Adam’s apple fully exposed in front of Jay under the moonlight. Seeing this as an opportunity, Jay leans in and begins to graze his lips, tongue, and teeth against Jake’s delicate skin, “J-Jay! A-Aaahh…”
“S-Shh angel…N-No need to feel afraid anymore. Y-You still have me. Y-You’re still doing good so for me.” As Jay’s tongue laps around his pulse point, the signature tears of Jake start to return once more.
“J-Jay…J-Jay…J-Jay…” he feebly babbles as he continues to roll his hips against Jay’s cock.
“T-That’s it angel, you can do it,” Jay groans as he begins to suckle on Jake’s nipples once more while one of his hands slides down his hip to gently squeezes on one of Jake’s ass cheeks once more.
“H-Haaahh… A-Aaahh… J-Jay p-please…” It’s as if the same saccharine symphony has returned once more in Jay’s room, but with more euphoria and benevolence. For every bounce that Jake makes on Jay's throbbing yet luscious cock with Jay's help, he’s becoming more trusting and less afraid towards him.
“Y-Yeah? Y-You want more angel?”
“M-Mhm…”
“L-Look at you go angel. I-I’d always knew you put on a good show for me.”
If Jay’s the fire, Jake’s the water.
If Jay’s the lyrics, Jake’s the melody.
If Jay’s the sun, Jake’s the moon.
If Jay’s the yang, Jake’s the yin.
If Jay’s the devil, Jake’s the angel.
“H-Haaahh… ’M-M s-still g-good t-to y-you, d-darl?”
“Y-You always are, angel. D-Don’t worry.” While Jake continues to bounce on him, Jay leans up and exchanges the usual tender yet messy French kisses and lip locks with him.
They can be destined like Romeo and Juliet, but they can also be uncertain.
They can be understanding like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth, but they can also be misunderstanding.
They can be devoted like Noah and Allie, but they can also be distant.
They can be resilient like Jack and Rose, but they can also be hesitant.
They can be partners in crime like Clyde and Bonnie, but they can also be restrained.
Both of them aren’t perfect like most lovers.
It’s not a fairytale where one’s a knight in shining armor while the other’s a damsel in distress.
But, who would be to judge?
There’s only one Jay as there is one Jake.
Neither they or their love can be replicated.
It never can.
Even till the end of their time, they’re meant for each other, flaws and all.
“J-Jay…” Jake mewls as he pulls back from Jay's lips with saliva pooling down his lower lip.
“Y-Yeah?”
“C-Can’t t-take i-it a-any l-longer…t-too m-much f-for m-me…A-Aaaah…” At a certain point, Jake can feel himself edging closer to his horizon, which causes a million butterflies to flutter around his stomach. It’s a scary feeling for sure since Jake does not want this to end. However, he’ll soon need to reach it eventually.
“W-Wanna come undone with me, angel?” Jay asks as he carefully starts to thrusts the deepest he can go inside of Jake while wiping off the saliva from his swollen lower lip. Jake instantly nods his head.
“A-Aaahh, I-I w-would l-love t-that v-very m-much, d-darl. T-Thank y-you…G-Gaaah…”
“N-No problemo.” After a while of giving and taking, both Jay and Jake reach their peaks and arrive at their horizons.
“A-Aaahh! H-Haaahh! J-Jay! J-JAY! JA— A-AAHH!!!” Jake’s eyes rolls his eyes back as he squirts his nectar all over Jay's stomach while Jay fills him up with his freshly released cum. At that point, all of the colors from Jake’s begin to fade to white as Jake drifts himself away from Jay and his reality.
⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆
When Jake slowly reopens his eyes, his finds himself lying alongside the beach’s shoreline. His body lies bare against the sand, his hair damp against the waves, and lying right beside him is Jay in the same state as he is.
“...” He remembers this. This is the first time Jay made love to him — or better yet — the time Jay took away his virginity during a time when they're supposed to be performing at a festival. But at the same time, it also makes him worry that this will end up as another nightmare. As such, Jake prepares himself for the worst as he awaits Jay to make a move. However, instead of pushing Jake away like Jake expects him to, Jay instead lets out a chuckle and lovingly strokes his cheek with his thumb.
It’s finally not a horror movie that Jake is forced to endure, but rather a tender reliving of the past. As Jay continues to stroke his cheek, a genuine smile forms on Jake’s lips and he closes his eyes. It was the first time he's ever felt safe. It was the first time he's ever felt seen, especially by someone like Jay. Heeseung, Sunghoon, Sunoo, Jungwon, Riki, or even the ENGENEs can never make him feel this way like Jay does. He can cry freely without being judged and he can show his true colors without being ostracized by anyone, not even Jay himself.
“Jay-Hyung?! Jake-Hyung?! Where are you two?!” He remembers the worried looks and cries of Jungwon and the others, he remembers that all of them got in trouble by Yuki because of what he and Jay did, and most important of all he remembers that it was the happiest he’s ever been in his life. If anything, it’s a memory that should never ever die.
⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆
As he slowly reopens his eyes again, he can see Jay smiling back at him in the same fashion. “J-Jay,” Jake croaks out as Jay slowly eases his body to his chest, feeling the returning warmth and steady heartbeat within causing him to let out a quiet sigh.
“There there,” Jay coos in his locks as he cards them with one of his hands as always and presses his lips against the crown of his head multiple times, “There there.” Not long after, Jake starts to softly weep again as his already aching, sticky body starts to tremble. However, unlike his previous weeps, this one seems more sweet and at ease. “Shh it’s okay angel…I’m here…I’m here.” For a while, neither of them says anything with the only sound being Jake’s weeping and the slick nectar and cum still leaking out of his fluttery walls and onto Jay’s body and bedsheets. At the same time, Jake relishes the feeling of Jay’s softening cock still sated inside of him, and Jay relishes the feeling of Jake’s swollen, fluttery walls still clenching around him. Regardless of both of them being sticky and sweaty, neither of them didn’t mind the mess.
Eventually after his weeps subsided, Jake decides to break the loving silence between him and Jay the moment he slowly pulls his face out of Jay’s chest and looks at Jay straight in the eyes with a meek expression on his face. “Thank you,” he whispers as he presses his lips against the bridge of Jay’s nose, “Thank you darl.” Not long after, Jay pulls him in for one last French kiss. Unlike the last ones, this one’s longer and more passionate. Their tongues lazily tangle around each other and their last breaths of love are fully drunken up by each other. Eventually once they parted away from each other, Jay gently swipes the remaining dried up tears on Jake’s face before pressing his lips against his forehead.
“I hope you’re feeling better, right?” Jake slowly nods as he nuzzles even closer to Jay with Jay tightening his arms’ grip on him just a little, “I missed being close to you.”
“Ditto,” For a while, Jay holds Jake in his arms like his life depended on it. After all, Jake is and looks like the embodiment of an angel, especially when he’s in his arms. Too fragile, too precious, yet mostly so perfect for him. Eventually, Jay helps Jake slowly ease out of his slick, sticky softening cock, making a whimper a escape from Jake’s lips while he continues to lift him up inch by inch. Once he settles Jake on his plush pillows, Jay decides to make up for the temporary loss by going back down to Jake’s vagina and tenderly licks all off the excess cum and squirted nectar from his fluttery walls and swollen core that still leaked out with his tongue.
“Ahh…Haaah…I don’t know what you do to me darl, but thank you,” Jake shudders as Jay’s tongue returns to lap at his sticky folds. At Jake’s continuous gratitude, Jay lets out a chuckle and takes a temporary pause in his musings.
“You’re going to keep thanking me for a while, huh?” Jay teases as strokes Jake’s inner thigh once more.
“Still, would it bother you darl?”
“I told you already, didn’t I?”
“Oh yeah. Sorry about that; didn’t mean to be a numpty drongo.” At this, Jay chuckles once more and he resumes his musings against Jake’s sensitive vagina.
“Well you’re my idiot just as much as I’m your idiot, angel.” Once Jay licks up and swallows the last drops of his fresh cum and Jake’s squirted nectar, he presses one last soft kiss against Jake’s now-cleaned folds before rolling himself off of his bed and gesturing Jake into his arms, “Come here.” As Jake crawls towards Jay, Jay carefully cradles him up in his arms.
“Oh Jay…” Jake sighs as he clings onto Jay tightly like a koala.
“It's okay Jake…I've got you.” With a couple more gentle pats on Jake’s back, Jay carefully carries him out of his bedroom and straight into the bathroom, which is down across the moonlit hall. Once both are inside, Jay locks the door behind him and gently places Jake down onto the closed toilet seat. Shortly after, he starts up the bathtub before rummaging through the array of cabinets. Eventually, Jay drags out a single luscious, citrus-scented bath bomb that “definitely” didn’t belong to Sunoo himself. Following this, Jay somehow elicits something out of Jake that he hasn’t heard in a while: his laugh. It’s so warm and puppy-like that it’s one of the only sounds that can soothe Jay’s troubled mind.
At the same time, Jake finally does something that Jay’s been anticipating for the entire night: smile. “Heh, there it is,” Jay silently acknowledges while he drops the bath bomb into the filled up bath tub. As that happens, Jay walks back over to Jake and carefully helps him submerge into the warm, effervescent water. Soon after, Jay gets in and settles behind Jake, wrapping his arms around his shoulder and waist.
“It’s been a while since ‘ve last felt like this,” Jake sighs as he closes his eyes and hangs his head over Jay’s shoulder.
“Yeah, me too,” Jay concurs as his wet fingers begin to glide up and down Jake’s body, “I forgot about how nice this feels when I’m with you.”
“...”
“Do I still need some convincing in that beautiful head of yours?” Jake slowly shakes his head and lets out a giggle.
“No, not really. ’Ve exhausted you on being my top bloke for tonight, but you can still be it if you want to.”
“Oh I will alright.” Jay extends his arm out and grabs the hand held mirror from the counter before handing it to Jake. As Jay hands him the mirror, Jake lets out a quiet shudder.
“...”
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to judge you,” Jay encourages as he presses his lips against Jake’s wet cheek. Cautiously, Jake carefully lifts the mirror up to his face and prepares himself for the worst. He expects to see the same grotesque figure that he was in his nightmare. However, instead of that, he sees someone else: himself. There starring back at him through the glass is none other than Jake Sim: the beloved idol who knows how to make people in awe of him, the friend who has everyone’s back and call, and most important of all the lover who always gives unconditional love and support.
“Do you like who you see, Jake?” At Jay’s question, Jake starts to tear up again. However, none of them are of sadness. Instead, they’re of happiness. Not long after, Jake slowly nods his head.
“Y-Yes…Y-Yes…”
“This isn’t a stupid pig, Jake. This is you — the real you.” Jay’s lips start to trail down the side of Jake’s neck once more. “I don’t just love you for you are on the outside and inside. I love all of you, more than everything in the fucking universe, and I’m grateful to be the man you can love and depend on. I’ll always make sure nothing can come between us, and I’ll especially make sure nothing comes to hurt you whether it be me or the monsters in your nightmares. Let me be the one to be there for you. Okay angel?”
Then just as Jake slowly nods once more, something rings in Jake’s ears. However instead of hearing the word “pig,” he hears the one word that he’s been dying to hear even if Jay has called him that more than a million times by now.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
Unlike before, the ringing in Jake’s ears is nothing more than a soothing lullaby for him. Gone is the paranoia, gone is the self-hatred, and gone is the pessimism. “I-I l-love y-you J-Jay…” Jake happily croaks out as he shifts his position where he looks at Jay straight in the eyes.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
“I love you too, Jake. Forever and always.” Then, both of them capture each other’s lips in a kiss. However unlike most of their kisses, this one is the one that involved the most love and passion. None of them can compare to this and have that much of a significance. The longer Jake’s lips locked with Jay’s, the nightmare starts to fade away until it becomes nothing but oblivion. Eventually, as both of them slowly pull away from each other, Jake lets himself fall onto Jay’s chest, basking in his warmth and steadying heartbeat.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
ANGEL.
Not long after, Jay hums a familiar tune in his ears. It’s the same melody that he’d played on his guitar from earlier, as well as the one that lulled Jake to sleep. When he hears this, Jake lets out a couple more sniffles and tears escape from him before he eventually closes his eyes and lets himself finally surrender to sleep at last. At that point, both he and Jay knew that nightmare is finally over, and nothing — not even a pig — can come to haunt him ever again.
