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James usually looked forward to those few moments with the shore party in the shuttle bay. It was a chance to get a last joke in, just something to bring a smile to Lola’s lips or instigate an exasperated shake of her head—either would do. A reminder of the camaraderie they all shared, regardless of rank or species. A reason to come back, even if it was only to kick his ass.
The atmosphere in the shuttle bay right now, though—he didn’t like it. Alenko stood by the shuttle, his muscles obviously tense under his armor. Shepard was nowhere to be seen, which was odd in and of itself. And James didn’t know exactly what to think about the petite, masked quarian standing next to Brain. Tough to joke with someone when you couldn’t see her face.
The quarian—Tali-somethin’ nar-somethin’ vas Normandy (that part he got)—murmured something to Brain in a low voice, her words indecipherable. The Major’s stance didn’t change, even as his lips moved in a response; he remained still, staring at the floor of the bay. James cast a look over at Esteban, a wordless do you know what the hell is up? shrug lifting his shoulders. Cortez shook his head, though he watched the Major closely as well.
“Major, the Commander has started her walk to the dreadnaught.” Joker’s voice echoed throughout the shuttle bay.
“Thanks,” Alenko said. “Everything okay so far?”
“Looks like,” Joker confirmed. “We’re still undetected by the geth.”
“I better be the first to know if that changes, Joker.”
James grinned at the warning in Lola’s voice. Chuckling, he turned back to his work. Whatever Alenko had been worried about, obviously it wasn’t anything to do with the Commander. His hand paused as he reached for a tool. Hell, maybe Brain had something going on with Tali-somethin’. Maybe that was—
A scream echoed through the shuttle bay. Adrenaline shot through James’s body, readying him for anything as his gaze swung around, looking for the threat. It took him a moment to realize the scream had been Lola’s.
“Shepard! SHEPARD!” Alenko looked about ready to lose it, a blue glowing edging his skin, and James had to admit he was feeling pretty damned close to the edge, too. What the hell was going on out there?
A breath passed. “EDI!” the Major shouted.
“The Commander is still within the tube leading to the geth dreadnaught,” EDI reported. “Her vital signs are…erratic, however. Blood pressure and heart rate are elevated. And she seems to be…immobile.”
Alenko blew out a breath, and some of the tension left James’s shoulders as the biotic crackle surrounding the Major faded. “Shepard?” He paused, waiting a few seconds for a response that never came. “Shepard, talk to me. Please.”
James held himself still, combating the urge to go, suit up, and bring the Commander back into the safety of the Normandy.
“Kaidan. Part of the tube fell away, the part I’d just been…” The Commander’s voice was shaky, hardly audible, the most frightened James had ever heard it. “I can’t. I can’t do it. You…or Tali…I can’t…”
“Okay, it’s okay. You come back in and one of us will—”
“Negative, Major,” EDI interrupted. “The tube has deteriorated behind the Commander. It is no longer safe for travel. She must continue.”
“No, I can’t. Kaidan, I can’t.” Were those…did James hear tears in the Commander’s voice? “It’s going to break and I’ll be out floating in nothing again and I can’t do it. I can’t.”
Oh, damn. The pieces fell together. She’d been spaced when the SR-1 had been destroyed. He was always so used to thinking of the Commander as unshakable, he’d never stopped to think what fears she might have. It made perfect sense that this would be one. Hell, the idea of careening through space, untethered, was a nightmare to him, and he’d never experienced it. He wondered if she’d thought herself immune to that type of fear, or if she’d viewed it as just another obstacle to be overcome.
An almost insurmountable one, it sounded like.
“Shh, Jane, listen to me. You’ve got to keep going.”
That was a sob. Quiet, but unmistakable. “Kaidan—”
“No. Listen to me. Listen to my voice, baby. That’s all you have to do right now. Just listen to me. Okay?”
James looked over at Cortez and mouthed, Baby? Esteban shrugged and shook his head.
“Breathe. In and out. Slowly. Focus on that, get your heartrate down. Close your eyes if you want to.” Brain paused. “Are they closed?”
A shaky breath, easily audible over the comm. “Y-yeah.”
“Good, you’re doing good.” Brain lifted a hand to rub at his temple, and James remembered the rumours about him being an L2 and the migraines that accompanied it. “You’ve done this before, baby. It’s no different. We had to do a mag-boot walk on the Citadel remember? With geth shooting at us.”
“Not…not the same.”
“Yeah, it is. Well, minus the geth shooting at you.”
“Kaidan—” Some exasperation had entered Lola’s voice, which was a metric shit-tonne better than the abject fear from a few moments before.
“One foot in front of the other. That’s all it is.”
“One foot in front of the other,” she repeated.
“You can do this.”
A shaky, long breath in, an equally shaky and long breath out. “I can do this.” Then, more firmly, “I can do this.”
Brain continued to murmur encouraging things to the Commander and James took the opportunity to move closer to Esteban. He shot the shuttle pilot a look.
“Brain and Lola, huh?” he whispered. “How come I didn’t know?”
Cortez shrugged. “Regs? I don’t think anyone knew.”
Damned regs. In a time like this, did they really matter? The whole galaxy was disintegrating around their ears, as surely as that geth loading tube. Brain and Lola shouldn’t be worrying about…
Heh. Well, if they were together, then they weren’t really worrying about it, were they? Nothing wrong with being private about it, though. He could respect that.
“Commander Shepard is safely through the tube,” EDI announced.
James inhaled deeply. Way to go, Lola.
Tali-somethin’—he’d need a nickname for her, something shorter—laid a hand on Brain’s arm, then headed for the shuttle door. The Major moved over toward James and Cortez, and James noted the slight lines at the corner of his eyes. Pain, age, stress? All three?
“Thanks for staying quiet during…that,” he said.
James nodded. “Yes, sir. I didn’t want to distract her.” A grin curved his lips and he lifted up onto the balls of his feet. “So, you and Lola?”
Alenko froze, then his gaze warmed, and one corner of his lips twitched. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, I gotcha, I gotcha,” James said, still grinning.
Beside him, Esteban huffed out a sigh. “We understand, Major. Come on, let’s get you on that dreadnaught.” Cortez shot James a warning look before striding off in the direction of the Kodiak, Alenko starting after him.
James stepped forward. “Major…”
Brain stopped. “Yes, Lieutenant?”
Shit. This was going to come out wrong, he knew it. “You’re good for her,” he said. “Fuck the regs.”
The Major smiled, then chuckled, shaking his head as he trailed in Esteban’s wake. James let out a breath, knowing that one day, his tendency to “fuck the regs” himself was going to get him into trouble.
But not today.