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Phantom pain burrows into his eye as Dainix slowly makes his way through the halls of the monastery. It's a dull, persistent thing, stubborn with its ache, dredging up every memory Dainix tries so hard to move on from.
Guilt is directionless, he tells himself. It only hurts, defensive thorns that are far too overgrown and curl back to pierce the stem and bleed the flower dry. It's okay to grieve, but he can't linger on that self-loathing. He needs to let it pass.
But, Rakhn, how long will he bare this burden? How long will he shoulder this weight? How long will he be wrenched from sleep by these awful nightmares and the guilt they revive like kindling to an ever-hungry flame? Dainix knows, gods he knows that he just needs to breathe and get through it, that it'll become manageable again, but— he's so tired of waiting.
It's maddening, to know exactly what the problem is and be entirely unable to do anything about it but keep himself afloat through the storm. A dangerous part of him wants to just give in— it would be so much easier. Letting this turmoil overwhelm him would only hurt in the end, but the idea to just lie down and let the apathy wash over him is horribly tempting. Especially tonight, when the monastery is so quiet and cold.
He's usually better at dealing with these thoughts. He's better at calming himself down from the nightmares. He's better at wading through the writhing, suffocating emotions until they settle down again, but tonight— tonight is different. And Dainix is at least aware enough to know that, regardless how he feels, the first thing he should do is find someone to keep him company before he does something stupid.
So, of course, he finds himself at Falst's door. It's a complete gamble if Falst is awake or not— or if he's even in his room at all. When Dainix knocks on the door, he honestly expects to be answered with only silence, but fate is merciful to him, and light spills into the dark hallway as the door swings open.
"Why are you up so late?" Falst asks, squinting up at Dainix with that half-concealed concern Dainix has grown to know.
"Can I—" Dainix's voice fails, words cracking and falling apart on his tongue like ash. He inhales a shuddering breath, shutting his eye at the flare of— he doesn't even know. Some emotion lashes out against his ribs, violent and painful. He opts to just gesture weakly towards the room beyond instead.
"…Sure." Falst says, stepping aside to let Dainix slip past.
Dainix nods a silent thanks, and moves to sit by the small, lacrima powered heater in the corner. He barely feels its warmth— his own out pacing it by miles, crackling silently under his skin, eager to burst through the thin layer of flesh and consume him whole.
Dainix buries his face in his knees, hugging them close to his chest.
"I'm gonna assume you aren't here just for my heater." Falst comments, only a trace of awkward hesitation in his tone as he settles in the spot next to Dainix. Dainix shakes his head. "You… wanna talk about it?"
"There's…" Dainix swallows, peeking out over his knees to stare into the heart of the heater and the gently glowing lacrima tucked into it. "There's nothing new to say. I'm just… I just need some company."
"Okay." Falst shifts, and not so subtly watching Dainix from the corner of his eye.
Silence settles over them— it probably would've been comfortable, if Dainix's thoughts weren't spiraling so wildly out of control. He squeezes his eye shut, and somewhere along his body, a hairline fracture splits across his skin. The fire, the demon, strains against his self restraint, like a dog trying to pull itself free of its muzzle.
Maybe Dainix shouldn't have come here, actually. He hadn't realized just how— fragile he is right now. He's only putting Falst at risk. Maybe he should—
A weight pressing against his side abruptly snaps Dainix out of his thoughts, and he glances over to see Falst— leaning against him? Falst is very pointedly not looking at Dainix, his posture stiff and awkward as if he's trying to be casual, but failing miserably at it. His tail brushes against Dainix's back and cautiously wraps itself around his waist, giving Dainix plenty of time to pull away.
Dainix blinks, his breath catching on the sudden lump in his throat— and then, suddenly, he's crying. Falst's gaze whips towards him immediately, eyes blown wide with panic.
"Shit, sorry, I thought— Uh, I shouldn't have—" He stammers, starting to pull away, but Dainix grabs his wrist before he can, rapidly shaking his head.
"N-No, it's— it's okay. I just—" Dainix hunches forward, pressing his other hand to his face, trying to stem the tears as his chest cracks open with a sob. His voice warbles as he speaks. "It's not b-because of you."
"Uh— Are you- are you sure?" Falst is impossibly still in Dainix's grip, the fur on his tail bristling as it twitches, still half-coiled around Dainix.
"Yeah. It's—" Dainix's hand slips from Falst's wrist to his hand, giving it a silent squeeze. "It's helping."
Despite looking moments away from jumping out the nearest window, Falst gives a slow nod and stiffly shuffles closer. When Dainix doesn't protest, Falst carefully gathers him into his arms, pulling him close. It's a little awkward with the height difference, but Dainix doesn't care. He falls into the embrace like a puppet with its strings cut, his face pressed to Falst's shoulder as Falst holds him close.
Dainix falls apart in Falst's arms, clinging to him like a lifeline. His shoulders shake as quiet sobs tumble from his chest, tears streaking down his cheek and soaking into Falst's shirt. Dainix cries, letting every awful emotion pour out of him with each broken, desperate gasp and wheeze. Falst is quiet, but unwavering in his silent support as Dainix unravels completely.
For the first time in years, Dainix loosens his hold on his emotions and lets them spill from him freely, even with the threat of the fire under his skin. But— miraculously, even as Dainix breaks down entirely, he stays together. Cracks open up, heat crackling up from the fissures, but he doesn't shatter. That inescapable weight lifts from his chest as neglected stress hisses out from the openings, puffing out in tendrils of steam that twist up into the air like snakes.
Falst holds him tighter, muttering a quiet reassurance that only makes Dainix cry harder. Like a river clogged with pollution given a fresh current, a sudden overwhelming love sweeps over him, drowning out the fear and anger and stress. He's never stopped feeling endlessly grateful to have found Kendal and the others when he did, regardless how unfortunate the circumstance of their meeting had been— but here and now, crying in Falst's arms, Dainix feels impossibly glad to be able to call Falst his friend.
Falst has come such a long way since they first met. Dainix still remembers that night in the ruins— how Falst's prescence had been so steady and confident, even in the lowest moments. He's the anchor in the storm, for better or for worse. It's something that both frustrates and impresses Dainix to no end, how hard Falst fights to keep people safe.
Even when Falst keeps himself at a distance, he's always so caring. And gods, Dainix is so, so lucky he gets to be one of the few people who are subject to that oh-so guarded care and trust. Falst has seen Dainix at his worst— driven mad with grief or anger or hunger, and still, he trusts Dainix in a way he rarely shows anyone else outside of their little group.
"Thank you." Dainix chokes out suddenly, trying to pour every ounce of gratitude he can muster into his voice. His voice cracks with the strain, and Falst startles slightly, his arms tensing around Dainix.
"Uh— Yeah, no- no problem." Falst turns his face away, the tip of his tail flicking against Dainix's stomach. "Glad to help."
Dainix presses his face further against Falst's shoulder, and wraps his arms around him in a proper hug, instead of some half-desperate cling. The movement only makes Falst stiffen further. Dainix sniffles, trying not to get snot all over Falst's shirt.
"I think— I think I needed this." Dainix admits.
"Yeah?" Falst prompts.
"I haven't… really had the chance to- to let everything out, I guess." Dainix elaborates. "I was stuck in that prison for so long. And- and even after I got out, I still had to keep fighting. I don't- I don't regret joining you guys, but you guys are really bad at— not getting into trouble."
"Yeah…" Falst agrees, guilt coloring his tone.
"My point is— I think I've just been so… caught up with everything, that I wasn't actually letting myself process things. I needed a chance to breathe." Dainix lets out a humorless laugh, turning to look at Falst. "I feel like I've learned this lesson a thousand times already."
"Maybe it just needs time to stick?" Falst offers. Dainix shrugs.
"Maybe." He hums, letting his eye shut as he tucks his face back into Falst's shoulder. "I'll figure it out tomorrow. I've already done too much thinking today."
"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better." Falst pats Dainix's back, his grip shifting slightly.
Falst doesn't pull away— not entirely, but there's a silent expectation for Dainix to. Except Dainix is really comfortable. And, well, a selfish part of him wants to take advantage of this rare chance to be so close to Falst. It's a side Dainix rarely gets to see— of course he'd want to enjoy it for as long as he can.
"Can I stay?" Dainix asks, sitting up just enough to give Falst some breathing room and so Dainix can look at him properly. Falst blinks, and Dainix distantly notes that his pupils are rounder than they usually are.
"Uh— like, here?" Falst blinks, and Dainix distantly notes that his pupils are rounder than they usually are.
"Yes, here." Dainix answers with slight amusement. "If you don't want me to, I can go. But I'd like to stay here."
"Uh." Falst's tail curls tighter around Dainix. "Sure."
Dainix beams.
Once it's decided Dainix is staying, Falst is quick to herd him towards the bed. Dainix is only slightly reluctant to untangle himself from Falst, but it's hard to argue against the comfort of an actual bed, rather than a thin layer of cushions against a cold, hard floor. Dainix falls face-first into the mattress, letting him sink into the ridiculously thick blankets with a quiet sigh.
"Do you need anything?" Falst asks. "Like, uh, water or something?"
Dainix rolls over onto his back, patting the open space next to him.
"I'll be fine. Come lay down." He replies, giving Falst a small smile.
"I'm pretty sure you're supposed to drink water after crying so you don't get a headache or something." Falst frowns, his tail flicking behind him.
"That's a tomorrow me problem." Dainix pats the bed again, pointedly ignoring the headache already blooming behind his eyes.
"If you say so." Falst grumbles, padding over and crawling onto the bed. "But you can't complain to me about it when you wake up."
"Fair enough."
Dainix smiles as Falst settles into the space next to him— there's a breath of space between them, enough distance that they aren't quite touching, but still close. After a moment of deliberation, Dainix scoots over and closes the gap, watching Falst carefully for any signs of discomfort. Like always, Falst goes still, his expression going conflicted before he carefully, slowly relaxes into the touch. His tail brushes Dainix's ankle, just barely beginning to curl around it.
"…Thanks, again." Dainix murmurs after a beat of silence. He feels considerably calmer now, his thoughts slowing to something muddled and heavy with exhaustion, but noticeably lighter than before. "For all of this."
"Its not that big of a deal." Falst mutters, flushing under Dainix's gaze. "I just let you cry on me."
"It's a big deal to me." Dainix argues softly, taking Falst's hand and giving it a light squeeze. "I'm glad I have someone I can trust like that."
"The others probably would do the same." Falst mutters, hiding half his face in his pillow. "They'd probably be better at it too."
"But I didn't go to any of them, did I?" Dainix carefully pulls Falst closer. Falst gives no resistance, even as Dainix tucks him under his chin. "I knocked on your door."
"You—" Falst makes a quiet, strangled sound. "This is— you're doing this on purpose."
"Maybe." Dainix hums, his voice lilting with a playful tone before it settles again. "I do mean it mean it, though. I really do appreciate everything you do to help."
Falst makes a vague noise, his face hidden against Dainix's poncho. Dainix doesn't need to see his expression to know he's flustered.
"Just go to sleep." Falst grumbles, peeking out one yellow eye to glare up at Dainix.
"Alright." Dainix relents, leaning back and giving Falst plenty of space to move away if he wants. "Goodnight, Falst."
There's a pause as Falst shuffles around. Dainix watches him wrap himself up in a particularly fluffy looking blanket, before he… curls up at Dainix's side.
"Night." Falst mutters, his tail now firmly wrapped around Dainix's ankle.
Dainix smiles. He tugs his own blanket over himself, and falls asleep with Falst's weight pressed against him.