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Cerise Ilyinichna Rozanov-Hollander, was born on May 26th, and since that day, she is the light in Ilya's and Shane's lives.
Shane carried her for exactly 39 weeks, the first trimester was the easiest, no nausea, no mood swings, no crazy cravings. The second was just sweet, doing ultrasounds, seeing and hearing their baby at every appointment, the bump finally making an appearance, it was small, but it was there, and Ilya was always by his side, his hands on the small bump, getting the nursery ready, having a baby shower to share the moment with family and friends. The third trimester, by far the most difficult, the weight of the baby growing inside him, the scary thought of the birth, realizing they're going to become parents. The birth was fine, Shane read a lot about it, and prepared his body for the moment, and after 19 hours of labour, he held the little girl in his arms for the first time. She is a copy of Ilya. The blonde curly hair, the hazel eyes, the mouth like his, forming a heart, and Shane swears she also has his crooked smile.
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The room it's quiet, the only sound in there is the synchronized breathing of Shane and their daughter, sharing a nap, laying in their bed. They had an ordinary morning, they had breakfast, a morning walk in the neighbourhood, with Shane having Anya and Ilya pushing the stroller.
After that, back home, it's just like another day with their baby, on the carpet in the living room, playing with her. The morning follows, they had a quick lunch, some leftover pasta that Shane's parents delivered there last night, and Ilya fed Cerise a bottle full of Shane's breastmilk. After lunch, Shane decided to share the afternoon nap with his baby, so he carried her to the bedroom, closed the curtains, made sure her diaper was clean, then sat on the bed, rocking her in his chest, admiring her features, her eyes closing until she fell asleep. He lays her on the bed by his side, putting a pillow on the other side, tracing patterns on her small tummy, falling asleep too.
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Ilya loved how his life turned. His husband was his favorite person in the world, they loved each other so much and created a life after this love, their adorable daughter. He loved just to be around her, his heart jumping in his chest for her.
After Shane carried her upstairs, he did a quick cleaning in the kitchen, feeding the pets, Anya their dog, and Cherry, the orange cat that one day appeared on their porch and never left. By the time he was done, he realized that he had a therapy session with Galina.
He went quickly upstairs, opening their bedroom door, his heart warming with the image of his husband and daughter sleeping. In silence he changed clothes, a pair of jeans, a white shirt, a jacket and sneakers. Before leaving, he turned to the bed, gave Shane a forehead kiss, petting his dark hair away from his face. They leaned over to Cerise, kissing her on the blonde hair, and she slightly opened her eyes, pouting her lips, so he rushed to hold her, rocking and mumbling softly.
"Vso v poryadke, dorogaya, papa zdes"It's okay love, papa's here.
Her chubby hand caressing his neck, they stayed there for a while, and when she was sleeping again, he laid-back her to the bed, leaving the room.
He left the house, and drove to Galina's clinic. In the years prior, he imagined that he eventually would stop the therapy sessions, but that never happened. He continued it, even when he thought he didn't have anything to say. When he was there, vulnerable and raw, the words just flew out of his lips.
He parked in front of the clinic, and walked inside the small familiar building. Walked inside, and let the receptionist know that he was there, and waited. A few minutes passed, and Galina opened the door to her office and called him. Once the door was closed and he was seated, they started to talk. Now the sessions could be about anything, about his feelings, about hockey, about his relationship, about his childhood, about his baby, about the charity, about his upcoming retirement.
This time he was talking about his paternity. The love and joy of being a father, how his little girl changed his view of the world, how a simple giggle would make his heart warm, he loves to watch her do anything. Also the struggles, being afraid to make a horrible mistake, how he hated to hear her cry, the sleepless nights.
By the end of his session, still talking about Cerise, he reached for his cross, for comfort only not to feel it. He looked down, not seeing it there, touching again just to be sure, looked at the floor, to see if it fell down there. Nothing. Silence.
"Il'ya, chto-to ne tak?" Is there something wrong Ilya? Galina asked, her tone calm and soft. He looked at her, vaguely.
"Khm, pokhozhe… pokhozhe, ya poteryal svoy krest, krest moyey materi." Hm, I think-uh, I think I lost my cross, my mom's cross. He was a little lost, the voice low. Galina talked to him a little more, and finished the session.
He was out of the office and searching for his cross. He asked the lady at the reception if she saw it, and the answer was 'no'. He looked a little more just to be sure and then left. The walk to the car was slow, looking at the ground carefully, and still nothing. He searched his car like a cop. Nothing. He drove home.
The house was spotless, and he looked everywhere for the cross. He didn't find anything. He was upset, thinking that he lost the most precious belonging of his mother.
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Shane heard the little noises when he woke up, turning his head to see his baby girl there, hazel eyes wide open, he cupped her face before holding, he saw that she was holding something, he reached for her little hand and opened her fist, to find Ilya's cross there.
"How did you have this on your small hand huh?" He asked rhetorically, taking the cross from her hand and observing that the clasp of the chain was broken. He carefully put the chain on the bedside table. "We have a few things to do this afternoon, let's see if we can get papa's cross fixed. It's really important for him." He talked to her, after putting the chain in a little box, and leaving the room, going to the baby's nursery.
He enters the room holding Cerise, changed her diaper, keeping her fresh and clean, changing her outfit too, putting her on a bear onesie that Rose gifted, putting her hair in two piggies, quickly packed a small bag, with all needs for leaving the house, headed back to his own room, changing clothes, grabbing the box with the necklace, and heading downstairs.
Ilya left the house spotless after lunch, so before leaving the house he sat on the couch, and fed the baby. She was more than happy when he lifted his shirt and she latched on his breast. He loved feeding her, was really proud to be able to do this with his body, and for the moments he was not able to feed her, he pumped the milk, saving it in the freezer, so Ilya or his parents could feed her with a bottle.
He stayed there on the couch, just enjoying the moment, until Cerise was satisfied, she let it go, milk drunk, she looked so cute, he couldn't resist, so he snapped a picture of her and sent it to Ilya:
"Hey, hope your appointment goes fine.
Going to run a few errands with C, she's a baby bear today
See you later at home. Love you
S & C♡"
He waited for a few minutes before grabbing their stuff and heading out of the house. He tucked her into the car seat, making sure she was safe, then bucked himself, and started driving. After fifteen minutes he arrived at his first parede, the jelewer. It was a small but sophisticated place, very old. He bought the ring he used to propose to his husband there, and every time he needed something related to jewelry he went there first.
He grabbed the box, and walked in, holding the baby against his chest. The familiar place was almost empty, but the two people working there, the owner, Joan, a lady in her fifties, and her daughter, Pearl. The younger woman approaches the balcony and greets him.
"Good afternoon Mr. Hollander, what can I do for you today?"
"Hi, I need this chain fixed, the clasp broke, it's my husband's, can you do it?" he put the small box on the balcony, and the lady quickly examined and gave him a soft smile.
"I can get it done in two hours"
"Oh that's awesome, I have a few things to get done, and I'll return later then. When do you close?"
“We close at 5 p.m., I can guarantee it will be done before that”
“Great, I'll be back in a couple of hours. Thank you. See you later”
He walked out and got in his car. He drove, mumbling the song on the radio. At the grocery store, he pushed the cart, walking through the corridors, the baby in the carrier against his chest, he picked the items on the list he made a home, talking to his daughter about the items he was selecting. She was a very curious baby, looking at him, every moment.
At the check out, the cashier, a teenager, probably recognized him, she was really polite and shy. When finished, he paid for everything, she said she was a fan and that his daughter was really cute. He thanked her and left.
He made a stop at the post office, to return a few packages. At the pharmacy he grabbed a few multivitamins for him and Ilya, and his favorite baby essentials. Then drove back to the jeweler, entering the store again, the baby slightly snoring on him.
"Good to see you again Mr. Hollander" Pearl greeted him, while reaching under the balcony, grabbing the box he had brought earlier. She opened the box, holding the chain, showing him the fix they had done. He grabbed the chain, analyzed it. It was perfect. "We also did some polishing, on the house." She added, smiling at him.
"It is perfect, Pearl." He gave a soft kiss on the cross, shining like new, then put back on the box. "Thank you."
He paid for it, and she wrapped the box. He left, with his heart warm, and the cold wind of November passing through his body. The drive home was silent.
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Parked in the entryway, entering home with Cerise sleeping in his arms, walking upstairs to her room. He laid her down on the crib, observing her sleeping. His husband approached, hugging him from behind, looking over his shoulder, the baby breathing deeply.
They stayed there for a moment, before leaving the room. Shane turned to his husband, cupped his face, and kissed him passionately. Ilya grabbed his waist, holding him tight, as if he wanted the both of them to become one.
"Hi, missed you two" Ilya whispered in his lips, smiling, absorbing the heat of Shane's body, kissing him again. "Missed you too." was the reply, his hands tangled in Ilya's curly hair. They stayed there for a few more minutes before naturally breaking apart, breathing each other's scents.
"What did my favorite people do today?" Ilya questioned while going downstairs, following Shane back outside.
"We went to the grocery store, I'm teaching her about fruits this week, by the end of the month she will start to eat solid foods."
"And you already have spreadsheet for it, don't you?"
Shane just nodded. They grabbed everything from Shane's cars. Ilya started unpacking in the kitchen, putting the groceries away, while Shane was organizing a few items upstairs. But he was back in less than five minutes, organizing together, being domestic. They started cooking dinner, chicken parmesan, Ilya's favorite, just talking to each other, kissing slowly in the kitchen. A few moments passed before they heard Cerise crying in her room. Ilya rushes to have his daughter in his arms.
He opens the door to her nursery and walks to the crib, she is laid there, fat tears down her pink cheeks, her tiny fists opening and closing to his direction. He grabbed her, wiped the tears off her face, tackling her face with kisses, the mwah's loud and exaggerated, making her giggle, stopping the crying and the sniffles. He enters the kitchen, Shane turns to them, Ilya is now holding Cerise's face against his own, copy of a copy, both looking at him.
"My two loves" Shane claimed, giving Ilya a small kiss on the lips, and pet a kiss on Cerise's nose. "She looks so cute like bear, da. I'll thank Rose later" Ilya said, and walked to the living room. It was the last wake window of the day for Cerise, and he loved to do everything with her.
He laid her on her tummy on a play mattress on the floor, the colorful patterns catching her attention, he laid by her side, and started to talk to her while pointing on the draws. "This is the dog he says 'woof woof', Anya is a dog. This is cat and they say 'meow meow' like Cherry. This is the chicken, she lays eggs and says 'cluck cluck, and this is cow, she makes milk and says 'moo', your daddy is a cow 'cause he makes milky for you, and you love it". And Shane said out loud in the kitchen "I am NOT a cow!".
"Papa takoy glupyy malyshka vishenka" Papa is silly baby cherry. He flipped her small body and kept playing, giving her a small chew toy. Cherry, the cat loved to approx this moments to claim the baby, and started to lick the blonde hair "Shush, go away cat, this baby is mine" Ilya using no force pushed the cat, the cat meow and got back to lick the baby face, and she love it, using the tiny hands to grab the cat.
"Shane the devious cat is licking the baby" Shane walked into the living room, a small smile on his face, the cat abandoned the baby to entrelace into Shane's legs "She knows Cerise is a baby, she's just taking care of her" he knelt beside them, joining the moment.
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A while later, the clock pointing 6:45 p.m., Cerise started to be fussy, kicking the chubby legs on Ilya's stomach, the eyes mad. Her biological clock, wanted the night routine, some milk, a lullaby and sleep. "You wanna do the bedtime routine? I can, if you don't wanna." Shane asked, sitting on the floor, petting Anya's fur. He nodded, getting up with the baby in his arms "I'll do it, and then we have dinner, and then…" he raised his eyebrows suggestively, like a cartoon character, Shane laughs agreeing.
He went upstairs, to her nursery, turning on the light, showing the pink tones and bows decoration, according to Rose, it was trending. He prepped everything, to give her a bath, separated a comfortable set of pajamas, and adjusted the lights. In the bathroom, he washed her small body, taking time as she really enjoyed the warm water. He then dried her, careful, not forgetting any part, putting a fresh diaper on her, followed by a daisy's themed pajamas and a sleep sack. He sat in the chair with her in her arms, brushing her hair with a soft bamboo brush.
"I just pumped it, it's fresh" Shane walked in the room, holding a bottle, and handed it to Ilya before grabbing the baby. He rocked her for a moment, whispering how much he loved her, sniffling the baby smell on her "Now you go to papa, okay. I love you, good dreams" he kissed her head one more time, returning her to her papa, adjusting the baby in his chest, she opened wide her eyes seeing the bottle, her hands reaching for it. Ilya put the bottle nipple in her mouth, the only sound in the room was the chugging, her eyes closing. By the time she finished she was sleeping, the body heavy in Ilya's arms, as if she fought a war. He staid there admiring her traces, just like him. He walked towards the crib and kissed her hair one more time before putting her down. She made a noise, moving, but he patted her tummy, until she was breathing, deeply asleep.
He left the room, closing the door, with the baby monitor in hands, going to the kitchen, Shane who was seated, had just finished setting the table, and was talking on the phone "Yes mom, lets have lunch tomorrow, and you can have all the time with your granddaughter" Ilya was behind him, hugged him, barely hearing what Yuna was saying. "Okay, we'll see you tomorrow, love you" "Love you Yuna" Ilya said after him, and she answered back before turning off the phone.
He cupped Shane's face, kissing him, licking Shane's bottom lip, guiding him to open his mouth, sucking his tongue wet. He sat on the chair by his husband's side, the dinner was served and plated. His favorite dish, chicken parmesan, looked divine. He turned his face to Shane, who just gave a nod, so he ate the first bite. The taste of his husband's cooking was out of this world. He took another bite, seeing Shane having dinner too, before remembering what was bothering him the whole afternoon.
He finished chewing before ask "Sweetheart, I think I lost my cross. You maybe seen it?" his chest was heavy with the thought of losing it.
Shane's face light as if he discovered gold, he rushed upstairs, Ilya could hear him. He ate more, Shane returned, sitting again, and putting a small jewelry box in his direction. He opened and found his chain there, shining. "The clasp broke, it was in Cerise's hand when we woke up. I took it to the jeweler, she fixed it and polished it." Shane explained. He was static, holding the cross, his hands slightly shaking. He didn't realize how emotional he was about the cross until five seconds ago when he held it again. His breathing heavy. The room silent.
He backed the chair a little, opening his arms, and invited Shane couldn't resist, sitting on his lap, he reached to the chain and then closed the clasp behind Ilya's neck, sitting heavy in his chest, his eyes teared up a little. "Hey, it's okay, you didn't lose it. It's with you" Shane murmured before giving him a kiss, a slow and gentle kiss. Ilya nodded, hiding his face on the crotch of Shane's neck, breathing deeply. His heart in peace.