Chapter Text
The atmosphere at the 16th Precinct was tense. As usual when a case dragged on. The detectives weren't stingy with their time, but when, after days of following dead ends, they found themselves back where they started, exhaustion sometimes caused them to lose their patience.
That day, Cragen was tense, Elliot was furious, and Olivia was trying to stay calm, but her partner's attitude wasn't helping much.
It must be said that Elliot Stabler had a reputation for being impulsive and lacking self-control to hide his emotions when necessary. Olivia was much better at that than he was.
Although Lieutenant Ed Tucker was visibly annoyed too upon his arrival due to the unexpected situation, he managed to offer a slight smile at the conclusion of his intervention. The metal chair in the interrogation room made a scraping sound as he stood up. Benson looked contrite, appearing to acknowledge the points he raised, and promising to do better in the future.
Elliot kept stealing glances at her, both stunned by her apparent calm and admiring her because, as usual, she was the one getting them out of a tight spot.
Tucker settled for a simple warning, and Olivia breathed a sigh of relief—their misstep would remain nothing more than a minor blip on their records, nothing serious. She had a few disciplinary actions hanging over her like that, which she hoped wouldn't come back to haunt her one day.
For now, she was quite relieved that their interrogation methods had only cost them temporary removal from the current case and not an actual suspension. Tucker had used terms like "coerced testimony" and "psychological pressure", but Olivia wondered if he wasn't the real victim in this accusation, since he'd so readily fallen for the defense's tactics, whereas she and Elliot had simply followed their instincts. The very same instincts that allowed them to crack cases left and right. When it came to proudly displaying the unit's results, no one had any complaints.
Hypocrites.
Elliot was still fuming when Tucker stormed out of the police station, striding across the bullpen with the air of someone who had better things to do elsewhere.
Olivia turned to her partner. If they'd been in a cartoon, smoke would have been coming out of his ears right then, and lasers would have been piercing Tucker's back.
"Stabler!" Cragen roared. "Go get some fresh air for five minutes—you look like you're about to explode. That's an order," he added just as Elliot was about to complain.
The captain's shoe crushed a piece of paper as he walked past the two detectives' desks, which faced each other. He bent down and tossed the paper onto Olivia's desk without even glancing at it. "And you, it looks like you've got some filing to do."
With a sigh, Olivia slumped into her chair, which creaked in protest. Cragen, who had backed Tucker's scold, hadn't batted an eye when the Lieutenant suggested that taking the case away from them would be highly recommended.
She cast a weary glance at the piles of photocopies, forms, and Post-it notes piling up on her desk. Well, as her Captain so kindly suggested, she might as well use the time to tidy up a bit and catch up on her administrative tasks.
She started with the sheet of paper Cragen had just picked up, the imprint of his shoe sole clearly visible on the white paper. It was a plain sheet of writing paper, covered with fine handwriting that Olivia assumed was a woman's. She furrowed her brow. Victims sometimes left notes that the desk clerk would hand over to the detectives, but this looked more like a letter. She turned the page over, looking for the beginning, but couldn't find it. Just to be sure, she looked on the floor and at El's desk, but what she had in her possession had neither a beginning nor an end.
She read.
… things just aren't working out between us. You're a good man, of that you can be sure. I don't know how, but you always make the right choices. Your Irish Catholic side, no doubt! I'm sorry I thought you'd change. But I've realized that work will always be a priority for you. I admire your dedication, and it might be selfish, but I'm jealous of it. It's silly, but I thought that since things were serious between us, you'd eventually work less. I don't know, maybe you should be with another police officer. Someone who understands your daily life better. I remember the way some women looked at you at your work party last Christmas; I don't know if you realize that some of your colleagues aren't immune to your beautiful blue eyes! I'm joking, but I sincerely hope you find someone who, unlike me, will be willing to have another child with you. You can pretend otherwise, but I know it's a wish close to your heart. Still, I won't change my mind—that chapter of my life…
Olivia turned the letter over once more, to no avail, desperate to know how it ended. A ringing in her ears drowned out everything else around her, and she was so absorbed that she jumped when the phone on her desk rang.
"Benson, SVU."
With the phone wedged between her ear and her shoulder, she folded up the small piece of paper and slipped it into her pocket.
Elliot came back just as she was hanging up, after jotting down the address the officer on the other end of the line had given her, forgetting that they wouldn't be able to go there. Reluctantly, she would have to pass it on to Fin, who would take over while they kept a low profile.
A blush spread across Olivia's cheeks as she watched her partner. The walk didn't seem to have calmed him down. He sat down noisily across from her. The words he was muttering were unintelligible, but it seemed to Olivia that he was angry not only at their suspect who had managed to rile him up, but also at Tucker, whom Elliot considered to be the worst kind of parasite.
The vein in his neck stood out whenever he got worked up, and he kept running a hand through his short hair. His furrowed brows carved a crease across his forehead. Biting her lower lip, Olivia wondered if the day's setbacks were the only reason for Elliot's agitation. She suddenly felt as though she were in possession of a secret that didn't belong to her, and this troubled her.
She, who struggled to maintain serious relationships with the men she dated, had always looked upon her partner's marriage with admiration—and perhaps even a touch of envy. Elliot and Kathy had married very young, barely out of high school, and had built a beautiful family by bringing four children to the world. To Olivia, this was the embodiment of the ideal family and a certain sense of stability she was striving for.
But just as she began tapping the tip of her pencil nervously on the file in front of her, Elliot finally seemed to notice how intently he was being watched. "What?" he growled, his voice echoing through the bullpen.
Without saying a word, Olivia pointed to the stairs at the back of the room and started walking, certain that Elliot would follow her.
At that time of day, the locker room was empty, so she gently closed the door behind them. "Why didn't you tell me what you're going through?" she asked timidly. "You know I'm here for you, always, don't you?"
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
Leaning against the door—a habit of hers whenever they took refuge here for a conversation they didn't want to risk being interrupted—Olivia crossed her arms over her chest. Of course, he wasn't going to admit anything unless she pried it out of him. She was slightly annoyed by this. To her, he was her best friend and confidant; she wished he would place the same trust in her.
Stupid male ego.
"How are things with Kathy?" she asked tentatively.
Elliot scratched the top of his head. "She's not going to be thrilled to hear I got a warning, but at least I'll be home early tonight since there's nothing left to do."
Olivia rolled her eyes. Thankfully, Cragen couldn't hear Elliot say that the desk work he'd assigned them didn't matter to him. At least her partner seemed to have finally calmed down.
She was looking at him thoughtfully when he asked, "What's going on, Liv? Why are you suddenly asking about Kathy?"
Olivia took a step back from the door with a push and paused, considering what to do next. She opened her mouth but closed it again immediately. She had taken the letter out of her pocket and was turning the paper over in her fingers. Elliot stood before her, impassive.
"I know, El," she said at last.
As Elliot's disbelief threatened to turn into irritation, she handed him the letter. "What is this?" he asked.
He began to read; Olivia let him figure out for himself what it was about. It didn't take him long to scan the few lines. Just as Olivia had done before, Elliot searched in vain for the beginning, then the end of the message. His eyebrows furrowed.
"Did Kathy write it?" Olivia asked.
The laughter that shook Elliot's chest threw her off balance. "What is this, Liv?" he repeated. "It looks like a breakup letter. And you think it's from Kathy—my Kathy?"
Olivia blushed. Had she misunderstood? "I—"
"I know my wife's handwriting, and I think I'd know if she'd left me! Are you kidding me, Liv?" He was in stitches.
She snatched the scrap of paper from Elliot's hands. "That's not funny," she complained, feeling hurt.
"Why on earth did you think this had anything to do with Kathy and me? Where does this letter come from, anyway?"
Olivia shrugged. "It was on the floor next to your desk."
"Wow, what irrefutable evidence. Well done, detective!"
He was making fun of her, and with a little common sense she should have left it at that, but, stung by his remark, she retorted, "Admit it—it could be about you! A blue-eyed Catholic cop of Irish descent! Do you see anyone else like that around here?"
Elliot's face froze. He stopped smiling and clapped his hand over his mouth. "Nooo—"
"What?"
He looked at her for confirmation. "You really did found it a few minutes ago?" When Olivia nodded, he laughed even harder. "Think about it, Liv! There was another cop with light eyes and Irish roots in the office a little while ago!"
A curse word slipped out of Olivia's mouth the moment her train of thought caught up with Elliot's. "No way! Tucker?" She looked at the letter with fresh eyes, both amused and completely stunned by this revelation.