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Jupiter is so fat he eats the entire universe

Summary:

Umm, yeah, don’t ask. This is some weird nightmare Erebus had in my solarballs Au and I just had to write it. But basically, Erebus runs for his life as Jupiter consumes everyone and everything and eventually him.

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“Guys, look, Jupiter is eating Saturn,” Uranus said, trying and failing not to laugh. 

“Ew, they need to get a room.” Are the two of them really doing THAT out in the open? Of course, he turns around, not because he wants to see or anything, but because he doesn’t. Unfortunately, he sees nothing because it’s just Jupiter slowly making his way over to the rocky planets.

“Not that kind of eating, like he actually consumed him whole. It was kind of gross, to be honest.” Oh, he knows what this is. Uranus is trying to prank him. Well, he’s not falling for it this time. 

“Haha, funny prank. You in on it too, Neptune?”

“Huh?” Never mind, he’s completely spaced out. Looks like it’s just Uranus.

“Oh my Helios, he’s eating the rocky planets too!” Uranus screamed. He’s really committing to the bit, but Erebus refuses to fall for it this time. “Shit! He’s coming this way, run!” He’s gotta be honest though, if this is the best he could come up with, he’s doing a bad job. Uranus started to run, but upon seeing he wasn’t being followed, he simply glared at both of them. 

“Wait, what are we running from?” Neptune asks. 

“Jupiter.” Both he and Uranus said simultaneously, Erebus didn’t see a reason for it though, because Uranus was obviously joking. They always called Jupiter a biggie, but that doesn’t mean he would eat his boyfriend, ringed bitch (Saturn). 

“Erebus! Why aren’t you running? He’s almost here!” Uranus screeches and hides behind Neptune—who was still spaced out. What is he high, or something? 

“Well, why aren’t you running?” He raised an eyebrow. If they were in such danger, Uranus would be panicking much harder.

“Sorry for not wanting to leave both my cousins to die,” he said pointedly, crossing his arms, “but if you want Jupiter to eat you, be my guest.”

“Wow, guys, look. Zeus is here.” Neptune said cheerfully, he smiled and waved at the planet, “Hey Zeus.”

“Wrong name, mate.” Uranus shook his head. 

“What?” And then Jupiter swallowed him whole. Erebus stood there in shock. He should be moving. Running. But the sheer fear had frozen him in place, fortunately, right as Jupiter opened his mouth yet again. Uranus grabbed him and bolted. As they ran, it all started to settle in. What had truly occurred.

“He ate Neptune.”

“I know.”

“He ate everyone else too, didn’t he?” he said, glancing around at the empty solar system. Even the moons were gone. Only the two of them, Jupiter, and Sol, remained.

“Yep.”

“Why are you so calm!”

“Adrenalin.” He was really beginning to hate these one-word answers.

The two giants continued running until they reached the center of the solar system where their star resided, their star, who was currently staring blankly into space. 

“SOL!” he shouted. The star made no reaction. Seriously, in his time of need, he’s being ignored? “Sun, you have to do something—Jupiter’s gone insane, he’s eating everyone!” It’s over Jupiter is already in Mercury’s orbit, or at least where his orbit used to be. Jupiter was going to eat them, and the sun was going to do nothing. No, he still hasn’t gotten his revenge yet. He hadn’t told the sun Jupiter killed the early rocky planets on purpose, all this waiting for nothing. Instead of eating the two of them, however, Jupiter turned and devoured their star as well—in the same way he ate Neptune, and likely the same way he ate the other planets and celestial bodies in the solar system. And apparently, he was still hungry. Their star was not enough to satiate his hunger because he turned his attention back to the two ice giants again. 

This time it was he who ran first. He grabbed Uranus and ran. There had to be somewhere they could go. Someone who could save them. Anywhere. They ran to another system, the closest one, the Centauri system. However, similar to their star, these stars just sat, staring into space as they too were devoured by Jupiter. They ran again. Another system. Same story. The third they tried to ask the planets or moons, but still, not a single response. No matter where they went, Jupiter kept following them, swallowing everyone in his path.

“Uranus, I think this might be the end.”

“Never! I have an idea.” He shook his head, already seeing their future failure. They approached… A BLACK HOLE?! Uranus, what the hell? Great idea, instead of being eaten by Jupiter—be consumed by a black hole. Brilliant plan.

“What are we doing here?”

“Asking for help. C’mon, mate.” Well, it was nice existing. Really wished he got revenge before his demise or at least got to call Jupiter a baby killer. Oh, wait. He could still do that one. 

“So, the black holes isn’t talking either,” Uranus said, cutting into his thoughts. Wait, even the black holes are behaving strangely. Okay, what is this, a galaxy-wide suicide? Did they not get the memo? Is that why everyone else just accepted death? And of course, the planet continued making his way towards them and yep, he swallowed the black hole.

“Wow, baby killer, you must be the throat goat! I didn’t know your mouth could open so wide.” If he was going to die, he needed to make as many jokes as possible. They took off running again. Jupiter still followed, eating everyone in his path. Until there was nothing left. It was just pitch black. A void of dark. No stars, planets, or galaxies were left behind. Somehow, even in the darkness, they still saw him.

“It’s over,” he said. Uranus nodded in agreement. He watched in terror as Jupiter ate Uranus and backed him into a corner. Which was odd, if space was gone, how were there still corners? Whatever. He was going to die anyway. Fatty closed in on him and opened his mouth.



He woke up in his bed. Holy Helios, he’s an idiot, that was obviously a dream. He rolled over and went back to sleep, and then decided against it because what if he forgot? Then he couldn’t tell his cou—Neptune and Uranus, about his dream. They were gonna laugh at this one.