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Through the darkness all he felt was anger, absolutely enraged that this place would chew him up and spit him out so easily. He didn't understand. He obviously didn't deserve any of this, and yet he had to suffer punishment after punishment, all because what, he didn't want to be an obedient little toy for everyone to use and discard? He refused. He wasn't going to roll over and take their abuse. If they wanted him gone, he was going down kicking and screaming every step of the way. Even now, whatever this was, he was doing things on his terms… whatever that meant.
Actually as he thought about it, it could be whatever he wanted it to mean, and as he wandered through the dark searching, he remembered what being here at the ministry meant to him. He got to be someone here. He made himself into someone to be here. And yet he couldn't quite figure out who that someone was. It wasn't really him. Who was he really? He had to consider for a long while, but slowly memories and places emerged from the darkness, and he eventually remembered things he enjoyed doing, not for himself necessarily, and certainly not because anyone expected it of him, but because he wanted to.
He suddenly saw himself in the halls of the ministry as he remembered causing mischief, occasionally accompanied by his brother, and usually at the expense of Sister Imperator. He drifted through the kitchenette of the papal suite — his kitchen — as he remembered cooking delicious meals and selecting good wine to go with them. He glanced at the couch and remembered the late nights he'd spend watching trash Italian TV with Dani while waiting for his nails to dry. He never thought about it at the time — that would be the point though, wouldn't it — but he was comfortable in those moments when he didn't have to think about it. He was comfortable with them. Dani. They knew the real him; the indulgent, earnest, vindictive, selfish, egotistical, hot mess that he would water down when not in private.
He didn't appreciate them enough before… whatever it was that happened. After his demotion, he didn't stop at the salon much anymore. He could have, if only to see them. He could bear to wear the mask long enough to show he cared. They were so patient and tolerant with him leading up to this. Suddenly amid his vague wandering, he found himself at the salon. Perhaps this was a sign. A second chance.
He stood in the doorway, and people passed by him unobstructed in the bustle of business as usual. He simply stared at Dani chatting along with the rest of them while they organized and cleaned their station in the wake of a client. They seemed to be getting along well with that new hair dresser. He willed himself forward, though it hardly felt like he was even walking, and approached their spot. The muscle memory never left, and without thinking he sat down and placed his hands on the table, though the flirtatious attitude he would normally have greeted them with couldn't have felt more foreign to him right now. Instead he watched them expectantly, waiting for an acknowledgment that of course would never come and struggling to think of what to say. Could he even say anything? It didn't matter, because before he could even try another client came and sat down over him, forcing him out of the chair. At first he was ready to snap at them, but he quickly realized it was probably pointless. He wandered around behind Dani and hesitantly reached a hand out towards their shoulder, but he stopped just shy of touching them. He knew he wasn't prepared for what the outcome might be, whether he could interact with them or not. Instead he wandered over to stand at the wall and watched them for the rest of their shift.
It wasn't immediately apparent, but he knew them well enough to tell something was bothering them. At least that's what he hoped. He hoped they wouldn't have moved on so easily given how much time they spent together. How long had it been? He had probably spent a considerable amount of time floating through nothingness. Was it merely the next day? A week? Had it been long enough for them to have mostly forgotten about him? He'd have his answer soon enough as he watched them pack up for the day like they always did, pick up their supply caddy, and leave.
It all happened so suddenly. First was his unceremonious retirement. After such a jaunting experience, it was no wonder he tried to cling to any semblance of control he still had over his life. He tried to keep up with his looks at first, but sitting through salon appointments listening to endless platitudes and consolations became grating. Especially when it was abundantly clear that a lot of them were just thinly veiled solicitations for sympathy sex. So eventually he stopped going to the salon all together. Yes, he could have his hair done in the back room in private, but it was better to just avoid the headache of going out in the first place. And if he wasn't going out, then why bother keeping up with the hair.
Dani watched this pity party unfold and refused to stand by and let him become a total hermit. Though they kept up their regular visits with him under the pretense of continuing his private nail appointments, the real reason they continued to show up was to make sure he was still taking care of himself. At least if he was still seeing someone he could be encouraged to keep himself at least somewhat kempt. Though their habit of indulging in vices like smoking and drinking during their time together perhaps wasn't the healthiest choice, it at least made dealing with the grief more fun.
Then after some time they finally convinced him to go do something with his brothers for a change, and so begrudgingly he built a habit of playing cards with them every so often. Sometimes he would forego his manicure for the week to go hang out with them instead, which was fine. At least it got him to clean himself up, and lord knows they spend enough time together nowadays anyway. They grew used to it eventually. On those nights, they'd still come to his downgraded suite and watch his shows and do their own nails, and they'd be ready to welcome him back afterwards. Though sometimes they'd fall asleep before he returned, and on occasion they'd wake up and have to go hunt him down to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep drunk in the halls again. But no matter where or how compromised they'd find him, they were always patient and understanding. He was free to do whatever he wanted now that he was retired after all. They really didn't care how he chose to spend his time, as long as they could show he was loved and had a place with them
When he didn't turn up that day, they didn't have much time to worry about it. They had to report to the salon for work soon, so wherever or however he'd ended up, he'd have to figure it out himself for the day. Though nothing seemed particularly unusual until they checked their phone on their way to their own dorm that evening to see nothing. Terzo would have at least sent a message by now joking about his wild night, but instead he had gone oddly radio silent. This wouldn't be the first time, but if he was ignoring his phone, then he must be in a bad state, and that worried them. They sent a message to reach out, but didn't want to be a nuisance if he really didn't want to be bothered. So they kept an eye out and an ear to the ground, and they waited. They were hesitant to ask around, because rumors spread faster than wildfire within the ministry, but they obviously couldn't shake the feeling that something had happened. If it had been something dramatic though, surely they would have heard about it by now.
Then a week passed, and it was time for his next appointment, and they'd still not heard a word. Whatever. They were used to letting themself into his apartment by this point, and they weren't about to be put off by whatever vitriolic nonsense he might have cooked up. He'd already dished out the worst of it the last time he tried to shut himself off. So with fresh resolve, they packed up their travel kit and left the salon for his suite. But when they entered it was oddly stagnant. Clearly nothing had been touched since they were in here last week. They tried not to think about it too much as they situated themself to do their own nails like usual, going through the motions mostly to keep the routine at this point. Yet despite the lonely solitude, they couldn't help but feel his nagging presence around them. It felt almost as if he were sitting on the couch in his usual spot next to them and simply refusing to talk.
While they waited for their first coat of color to dry and the show droned in the background, they passively looked through their phone and caught up on ministry emails. And that's when they saw it. They saw him. Terzo, his corpse, put on display in his regalia in a glass coffin, ready to be toured around the country and the rest of the world. Sister Imperator announced it as some spectacular attraction to herald in the new era of the papacy, completely glossing over the fact that their beloved Papa, Dani's best fucking friend, had been slaughtered for the sake of publicity. They suddenly felt hollow inside. The biggest pillar in their life was suddenly toppled over.
They didn't want to believe it. Surely this was all some awful dream. To prove it they walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. A Primitivo. The same kind they'd shared the first time Dani ever came over back at the papal suite. Fuck, reading the label almost made them feel sick with how disgustingly poetic it was. But that wasn't the point. The point was that Terzo seemed to have an almost supernatural sense when someone was touching his wine without him. Surely he'd show up before they drank it all themself. With tears threatening to spill over, they poured a glass and downed it. Then once they poured their second, something compelled them to pause, and they considered a moment. Before they lifted it to drink again, they reached for a second glass and poured another out, setting it aside on the counter with the bottle and then sipped their glass, waiting expectantly.
Terzo followed them as they proceeded to his downgraded suite and let themself in like they had for the last several weeks leading up to his demise. The apartment was almost exactly as he left it. He watched as Dani settled on the couch and played their show, then went straight into fixing their nails. He sat on the couch beside them in his usual place, though leaving a marked distance between the two of them, scared he might scare them off if he so much as touched them. But he tried not to focus on that. He looked at the TV and recognized the episode that was playing. It was only four or five after the last one he saw with them; one night's worth of watching. The night he left with his brothers… and then didn't come back. So it had been a week. Suddenly his mind filled with "What if"s, and suddenly he wished he had been more present those last few weeks. Do they even realize he's gone? Or do they think he's been out on another bender?
He looked over their shoulder at their phone as they scrolled while waiting for their nails to dry, glancing at the ministry news that they normally both try to ignore. And then he froze when he saw it: his body, embalmed and being paraded around for the new tour.
Suddenly he watched Dani rush to the fridge and pull out a bottle of wine. He scoffed, almost amused. Sure, he could admit this was news worthy of a stiff drink, but silly desperation or no, he was still offended that they would just grab it. Surely they were trying to summon him or something. "Tch, you fucking…" he grumbled. He hadn't even realized it was the first thing he'd actually said since reawakening. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? You know I'm here and you're doing this to spite me." Then he watched them hastily pour themself a glass and drink it, and he latched onto that thought. "You know I'm here." He watched them pour more, and he felt something inside of him break. "You know I'm here!" he yelled. "Fucking say something! I'm right here…" he sobbed, staring at them stubbornly. Then they suddenly stopped, and a flash of hope surged though him as he watched them reach up and grab a second glass, fill it, and then set it back down with the bottle. Then they returned to their own glass, and stared back through him expectantly.
He looked between them and the glass on the counter, stunned. Is this supposed to be for him? Is he supposed to take it? Could he take it? Hesitantly he reached out and wrapped his hand around the glass, and to his surprise, his fingers were stopped by it. He didn't dare try to pick it up, but he let the glass cool in his ghostly touch until a noticeable frost pattern began to emerge where his fingertips rested.
Dani sighed, disappointed at themself for getting their hopes up. He clearly wouldn't be coming. They rolled their eyes and turned back to the glass on the counter, ready to drink it as well but then was halted in shock. They studied the hand shaped pattern crystalizing across the glass, and their heart began to race. Slowly they reached out to grab it, and they felt him. His icy touch seared into their skin. They followed where his arm would lead, and they could feel that they were staring straight at him. Suddenly the dam holding their tears back broke, and they collapsed to the floor.
Terzo followed them down, enveloping them in his cold embrace, and on instinct, Dani reached out to wrap their arms around him. To their surprise and relief, they actually met with his form, pressing into the chilled veil that encapsulated him. "I'm sorry, Dani," they could hear him whisper. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong." When they opened their bleary eyes, they could see his blue glow, and upon wiping away their tears, his beautiful face came into focus.
"But I did! I didn't appreciate how much you did for me. I pushed you away and ran off. And now this is my punishment."
"Terzo, please, you've already been punished enough. I did all that because I love you. And you know I love you. You've known the whole time. I just watned to make sure you were taking care of yourself. You didn't do anything wrong."
If anything, this meant he was doing something right. This wasn't a punishment. It was a second chance, despite everyone trying to take it away from him.