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The rest of the pageant passes by in a blur.
After Teddie won and the rest of the student body got a good laugh, Yu and his friends returned to their classroom. He vaguely remembers his friends leaving to change, while he and Teddie stayed behind. The latter seemed to be having too much fun with it though, as he kept flirting with Yu's classmates as they gushed and giggled at his costume.
He has his head turned to the window, chin resting on his palm, as he watched the sun slowly set, painting Inaba a golden hue.
Yosuke returns after a while, scolding Teddie and apologising to their classmates for his behaviour. He promptly kicks the bear out, telling him to go home already lest he gets caught for sneaking in campus. Yu watches them with a small smile in his face.
Yosuke heads to his chair and groans, slumping down, "man, I'm glad that's fucking over. I don't think I'll ever recover from that shit show."
Yu chuckles, "it wasn't that bad… and Teddie distracted the crowd enough."
"Wasn't that bad?! You're not the one who had to wear a short skirt while Chie sabotaged his face with that shitty ass make-up! And also, why the hell haven't you changed clothes?"
"Nanako wanted to see it, so I'll have to show her later."
"And you couldn't just change and wear it again after you get home? You're seriously going to walk back home in that?!" Yosuke stared at him incredulously.
"No. Yes."
"You're so fucking weird, partner."
"Thanks, I get that from you a lot," Yu only smirked, to which Yosuke rolled his eyes in response.
"Geez, dude. You're a lost cause," Yosuke sighed, standing up, "so are you ready to go home?"
"Offering to walk a lady home? What a gentleman you are, Yosuke," Yu teased, raising his voice a bit like that time in the group date where he also pretended to be a girl.
"Dude!!!" Yosuke practically screeched, his face and neck rapidly turning red, "Stop that, you ass."
Yu laughed, grabbing his bag and standing up as well. Yosuke was too easy to tease.
They walk down the hill where Yasogami High stood, and Yosuke was walking a bit ahead, giving Yu a good view of his back and waist—he's had too much fantasies of holding it, of wondering how it would feel to have his arms around that slender waist as he rested his head on Yosuke's shoulders, either from behind or as Yosuke sat on his lap.
The wind makes his hair move, not the way a garula would inside the TV world, but a gentle sway like a slow dance. The sunset illuminates his hair a lovely deep gold, like springs of ambrosia. It was getting longer, and he briefly recalls a previous conversation between them where Yosuke was considering letting it grow until it reaches his shoulders, to which Yu replied that it would look good on him.
Everything looks good in Yosuke.
Even his pageant outfit earlier. The short skirt wasn't bad at all, despite Yosuke's complaints. Yu's eyes were practically glued on them, mind thinking about how if he moved too much it would swish and sway—and boy, does he finally understand why guys are obsessed with them—revealing more of his thighs. It made his long toned legs look even longer, and he wondered if Chie made him shave or wax his legs because how on earth were his legs that smooth—
He stops himself from going too far with those thoughts, getting too close to dangerous territory while still being out in public is a horrible idea, even if there weren't any people around.
Yosuke turns around then, and they talk animatedly about general topics. Yu's glad for the distraction, and he's always content to listen to whatever Yosuke had to say and share his own thoughts on them, no matter how random they get.
There were now people around by the time they pass the area near Junes. With Yu's attire and general popularity, it wasn't much of a surprise that looks were being thrown their way. At first they didn't recognise that it was actually Yu, only throwing curious looks at the Junes kid and the unfamiliar girl that was slightly taller than him, until they did a double take.
Yosuke notices, of course.
"Dude, they really thought you were a girl at first, huh?" he laughed, eyeing Yu up and down, "well, come to think of it… I guess you do look like one from afar."
Yu only smiled.
A girl, now wouldn't that be nice.
There were times when Yu would wake up in the middle of the night after a particular dream, or downright lay awake late at night, unable to sleep from being plagued by thoughts of his best friend. Not that he wasn't already being plagued by them during the day, but some nights can be particularly unbearable.
Yosuke can get girl-crazy, not so much now but he definitely still thinks about them. Still wants a girlfriend.
Yu doesn't actually want to be a girl, but there are days where he wishes he was one, if only for Yosuke to look his way.
He has a recurring dream, one where he was always nestled between Yosuke's legs as they sat on the floor of his bedroom, Yosuke's fingers playing with the long locks of his hair, face nuzzled on his neck. He was smaller, more feminine, with the softness of one, curves and breasts like the girls in Yosuke's posters—he was such a boobs guy, Yu doesn't really get the appeal, and he's heard that bigger ones are more painful to have anyway—easily wrapped by Yosuke's frame.
(Yu is the complete opposite of that: tall, rectangular and broad, and his muscles grew more defined the more he spends time in the TV world [and playing basketball and football, actually], overall masculine. He can't be anywhere near the type of girls Yosuke gushes about, nowhere near pretty little Rise or even Chie, and even now, in long braided hair and a skirt, he's still a total guy. No matter what he does or will do, that wouldn't change.)
Those dreams are manifestations of Yu's touch starved-ness, his desperation to hold Yosuke for longer than a second and in situations outside the dangers of the TV world.
The dreams are often innocent and usually went like this: they would be at Yosuke's room after school, the afternoon sun covering them both like a glowing golden veil. Yosuke's hand would sometimes let go of the silver locks to settle on his waist, rubbing slow cirlces as his grip tightens, while the other hand would snake around Yu's to lace them together. Yosuke's face wouldn't leave his neck, burying closer, or he'd eventually move so his chin would rest on Yu's shoulder. He'd then bring their intertwined hands closer to his face and kiss the tips of Yu's fingers and Yu would giggle, high-pitched and soft.
Sometimes the dreams would lead to his more desperate thoughts. He's still a teenager, after all. In them, Yosuke would be bolder, peppering kisses on Yu's ear, neck and collarbone as the hand on his waist would slowly reach under Yu's shirt. The other hand would be on his thigh, going further and further up in an agonising pace until his whole hand is underneath Yu's short skirt, his fingers toying with the waistband of Yu's panties from below. He would whisper sweet nothings to Yu, voice low against his ear and his warm breath causing gooseflesh on Yu's skin, then he'd chuckle as Yu writhes beneath him.
If he's lucky, he'd wake up with an embarrassing wet spot on his pyjama pants.
However, more often than not he isn't, and he'd wake up after Yosuke's hand would freeze underneath his skirt, feeling Yu's very hard, very male erection, all the warmth suddenly disappearing as Yu is pushed away and he bolts upright, wide awake. In both instances, he would sit up, face on his palms or hands gripping his hair tight as he feels frustration, hot shame, guilt and regret all at once.
And regardless, every time he dreams that recurring dream, innocent or not, he will always be left with a deep, frustrated longing, a craving he could never satisfy.
They're almost near the Samegawa River now, and Yosuke starts getting hungry.
"Man, all those nerves made me hungry. I need to stress eat," he groaned.
"Would you like to eat at Aiya's then? It's not raining, but we could share a large beef bowl," Yu offered.
"That would be so awesome right now, let's go partner— shit, wait."
"Hm?" Yu turned to him, confused.
"Y-you're uh… still wearing that outfit," Yosuke awkwardly gestures to Yu, "let's not— nevermind."
Yu tilts his head, "I don't mind."
"W-what???" Yosuke whipped his head towards him so fast, "p-partner, are you sure about that?"
Yu nodded.
"Man, how courageous can you even get? It's like nothing fazes you."
"The hospital shifts help."
"Huh? The hell are you talking about— well, whatever. If you're sure…" Yosuke eyed him warily.
"It's just braids and a skirt. I'll live."
"… t-then let's ride my bike to get there quicker. It's the least I can do."
Yu's not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he'll have to tease Yosuke just a little bit.
"Oh? Taking a girl on a bike ride? You're such a romantic," Yu smiled teasingly, batting his eyelashes for added effect.
Yosuke's face turned red, "dude, stop that already!" He waited for Yu to mount the rear rack anyway.
Yu only laughed, sitting behind Yosuke, "I'm sorry partner, but you're fun to tease."
He couldn't see it, but he knows Yosuke was rolling his eyes, "yeah, yeah. Watch me tilt this bike and you fall on your ass."
"Not before you crash into a trash can."
"Are you fucking taunting me, partner?!"
Yu laughed harder.
The bike was a little shaky, Yosuke not fully used to the extra weight, but it was nice. Yu's wig and the ends of his skirt flew as the wind blew past them and he watched the river shimmer under the sun like it was made of honey. It was comfortable, romantic, his unhelpful brain supplied.
But Inaba's still a small rural town, and small rural towns had rocky roads. Suddenly, it wasn't so comfortable anymore.
Yosuke's bike hit a small bump, and both of them gasped, Yu grabbing onto Yosuke in panic. Yosuke luckily managed to get them to stay upright and not get into an accident, but Yu was still a little freaked. His hands didn't leave Yosuke's waist, and when he realised what he was doing, he was already holding on for too long.
Yosuke's back was stiff, tense from Yu's sudden touch, but he wasn't saying anything, hasn't turned around and said about how girly Yu was being and that they were both guys or whatever.
Yu's hands were already there for too long, might as well be selfish and play off nonchalantness.
As they hit another bumpy road, Yu lays his head on Yosuke's back. He presses a bit closer, hands tightening a bit in his hold.
He remembers weeks ago, about scooter plans and picking up girls. Up close and personal.
Yosuke's scooter was at his house, his bike was a hazard rolling on risky roads and Yu's chest was flat. Definitely not what Yosuke had in mind.
His heart was beating way too fast to be nomal and he's 100% sure Yosuke's (still tense) back could feel it, but he was feeling a little bit brave today and he hopes thinks he's not imagining Yosuke's reddening ears he see from his field of vision.
The rest of the ride to the shopping district went like that, even when the road became smooth again.
Yosuke bikes on a different route than usual, going from the side of the shrine so that there were less people who would potentially see them (that was fine by Yu, who was given longer time to savour the feeling of being that close to Yosuke).
Yosuke had already grown used to the fact that Yu wasn't at all embarrassed to be wearing a girl's uniform, and had gone back to normal by the time they found seats in Aiya's. They sat by the counter, their backs facing the entrance. No other customer was around yet save for them.
"Bet Nanako'd start dragging you to play dress up and tea parties once she sees you in that," Yosuke noted as they waited for their orders.
"As if she doesn't already," Yu smiled at the thought.
Yosuke gaped, "seriously? With the toy make up and shit?"
"She doesn't have make up yet, but yeah."
"Well then, we should buy her some at Junes next time," Yosuke grinned, winking at Yu, "some hair accessories too. She'd love to play with her onee-chan's hair."
Yu laughed, "onee-chan, huh?"
"Go all out, man. You're already at this point. I bet she'll call you that later, actually."
"Hm, what are we betting on?"
"Lunch on Tuesday."
They shook hands, "deal."
Their order arrives and they start eating as they chat. It seemed a little silly that things had gone back to normal, as if nothing was out of place, save for Yu still cross dressing. He's glad with how easy things always are with Yosuke.
Yosuke makes a joke and it gets Yu laughing loudly, the way only Yosuke could make him do. He wipes a tear and opens his eyes, surprised to see wide eyes staring back at him.
Yosuke looks like he couldn't believe he made Yu laugh like that, even though Yu's sure he knows by now that he's the only one who could make that happen. And also… he looks fond.
His smile was warm and soft like a blanket enveloping Yu and keeping him comfortable, safe. Yu feels like he's staring directly at the sun, the star itself walking amongst humans and gracing Yu the honour. Even if Yu knows its not the way he wishes it was, he could feel how much his partner cares for him in that smile.
Then it hits him.
Yosuke's sitting beside him as they shared a large beef bowl together—one bowl, one. their chopsticks literally hit each other at some point as they tried to grab a piece at the same time—and he's smiling at Yu like that, and Yu's still dressed up as a girl.
This looks like a date.
This feels like a date.
Yu could feel his cheeks heat up, and Yosuke must've realised the same thing, because his eyes widened and he started blushing again—he's been blushing a lot the whole day already—and they both turned away in embarrassment so quick that their heads would've fallen off.
Yosuke's panicking a little, and when he's panicking in an awkward situation, he tends to put his foot in his mouth.
Yu's pretty sure Yosuke's mouth moved before he was thinking when he said, "s-say… dressed up like a girl… o-onee-chan… you're like- wow uh… is it just me or you really look like a girl right now? are you- are we- this is like- if you were really a girl, p-partner, people would get the wrong idea, hahaha! If people saw us from outside… i-it's like some kind of d—"
Yosuke bites his lip hard.
Yu's not much better. His thoughts are spiralling into that dangerous territory—the one where he starts getting jealous of the entire female population and then promptly get scared of probably sounding like a misogynist—again.
Luckily, some new customers enter, an elderly couple with their grandkid who sat by the tables, and the two of them are woken up from their panicked states.
Yosuke calls for an extra bowl and starts dividing the meal between the two of them. Why on earth didn't they think of that earlier?
They ate their bowls quickly, with a determination and focus as if they were taking on the mega beef bowl challenge.
The walk home was silent, the only sounds being their footsteps, the roll of Yosuke's bike wheels as he dragged it with him, and the rustling of leaves from the trees around them.
Yu watched as Yosuke slowly relaxed again, his shoulders lowering as the gentle breeze helped ease the tense atmosphere between them.
His hand wasn't shaking anymore either, laying limp at his side as he faked nonchalance. His bike wobbled a bit from being held with only one hand, but he was trying to look like he was alright (he was failing spectacularly).
Yu stared at the said hand, thoughts wandering again.
If Yu was a girl… he could grab that hand so easily, couldn't he?
He'd still get a surprised look from Yosuke, but that hand would soon relax, probably hold it tighter. They could walk hand in hand, hands intertwined, bodies closer together. It wouldn't just happen once either. They'd have many opportunities to do it, and they wouldn't need to care about what other people think. They were already partners. If Yu was a girl, they'd be partner partners. In every sense of the word, like the dreams that haunt Yu's thoughts in every waking moment. In the way Yu desperately craves wishes they would be.
Far too distracted with their own thoughts, they barely even realised that they had already walked past their supposed route until they walk into an unfamiliar street, to which the two of them stared in shock. They turned towards each other, eyes wide, until they burst out laughing.
(Still easy.)
"Man, you gotta take off that uniform. Seriously, you're distracting everyone."
"Everyone?" Yu asks glad that his courage was still high enough to be able to tease Yosuke.
Yosuke only elbows him lightly in mock annoyance. They share another laugh.
When they reach the right street this time, the one that would lead to the Dojima residence, Yosuke follows him. Yu raises an eyebrow.
"What? Can't let the lady walk back home by herself," Yosuke grins, winking at him. Yu hates that he blushed at that.
(Just like how many things are easy with Yosuke to Yu, many things are also easy with Yu in Yosuke's eyes.)
The remaining walk was short, and soon the two of them were in front of Yu's house.
"Wanna come inside? I'm sure you'd love to hear if you'll win the bet or not," Yu offered.
"And enter a fair maiden's home without her parents' permission?" Yosuke teased. So they were still doing this then.
Yu takes a bold step forward, batting his eyelashes and twirling his hair, trying to act cute,"my parents aren't home, though."
It had already gotten dark, but he could still see Yosuke's cheeks darken. His embarrassment wasn't going to make him back down from a challenge, however.
"Careful there, partner," Yosuke's voice lowers, hand snaking on Yu's waist, touch light and tentative, "a guy might get the wrong idea."
They're making eye contact, Yosuke's eyes unreadable and his—well, he isn't sure what he looks like right now, but he's sure it's akin to a petrified statue.
Yu feels like his entire body is on fire.
He fights the urge that intensified a hundred, no, a thousand times more after Yosuke's actions. He wants Yosuke to have the wrong idea. He wants Yosuke's hold to be firmer, to pull him closer, bodies touching and sharing heat.
He's tense, like a bubblegum threatening to pop.
All of a sudden, it disappears when the two of them broke into another peal of laughter.
The bubblegum safely enters his mouth to be chewed once more.
Yu was shaking in laughter, unable to control himself as he holds Yosuke's arm, "That- that was- ha-"
"Dude- oh man," Yosuke clutches his stomach, almost doubling over as he rests his head on Yu's chest. Yu's heart is still beating wildly, and he hopes Yosuke doesn't notice.
They straighten up, wiping the tears in their eyes.
Yu is once again grateful for the easiness between him and Yosuke, that they can do this, be awkward, and be alright again. He's so glad.
And then his brain attacks him again, wondering that if Yu was a girl, there might not be any laughter. There could be a continuation, of feet shuffling in the doorway and greeting Nanako in a rush as they climb up the stairs. Of the wrong idea.
Yu hates how fast his brain works.
"Well, see you later, partner. Thanks for walking a fragile maiden like me home," Yu settles for a smile instead.
"No problem, partner," Yosuke winks, "but you're nowhere near fragile, even if you were a girl."
He waves goodbye to Yosuke and enters the Dojima residence only once Yu couldn't see his friend's figure.
There were many easy things that flowed when it came to Yu and Yosuke's friendship, but the topic of feelings was not one of them. Yu leans on the door, his hand clutching his chest, feeling the bittersweet ache that returned tenfold. It never really leaves him, only staying dormant when he's in the center of Yosuke's orbit and returning when he's pushed out of it. He's learned to live with it already, it was second nature just like breathing.
He pulls himself together. He's not a girl, even if he wishes he was sometimes. Yosuke's not going to look at him the way Yu does, and that's fine.
Romantic feelings aside, he loves his friendship with Yosuke. He'd trade anything in the world for it to remain intact, even if it means settling for just friendship. Yosuke by his side, whichever form that took, was far more important than Yu's feelings.
He thankfully doesn't get to spiral much as Nanako finally notices his presence, "Onii-chan?"
Yu raises from his slouch, walking towards her with a smile, "I'm home, Nanako."
And if she squeals at the sight of Yu, hugging her onee-chan's legs and begging to play with her, then Yosuke will be having a delicious homemade lunch on Tuesday.