Chapter Text
Closed eyes, alert senses, Soobin tries with all his might to understand how much the forest has changed.
He sits on the soft grass, his hands grasping the thin strands as his magic pushes through the soil towards the deep roots.
“So?”
Hueningkai’s voice is an annoying, frustrating interruption of Soobin’s focus: the forest’s shadow disappears right before his eyes, and Soobin chokes on his own disappointment.
“So, I’d love for you to shut the fuck up, Hueningkai.” He doesn’t mean for a growl to climb out of his lips, but alas, those are the consequences his brother has to face.
Not that Hueningkai can be bothered, anyway: Soobin can see him rolling his grey eyes even with his back turned to him.
He releases a sigh: the forest doesn’t like him today.
Every one of his attempts at communicating was met with silence, leaving Soobin with a growing, unsettling feeling behind his sternum.
He opens his eyes, meeting Taehyun’s unimpressed stare: his right eyebrow curved up in a silent question.
Soobin shakes his head as he scrunches his nose.
Taehyun sighs, lifting his amber eyes towards the other two Wardens positioned behind Soobin’s back.
“We’ll have to do recon the old, classic way, then.” Yeonjun’s soft voice causes Soobin’s shoulders to go rigid: this is all his fault, isn’t it? A manual recon will take hours.
Beomgyu will be endlessly annoyed by their delay.
“Let’s split up, we’ll save some time.” Hueningkai, unbothered by the idea of running through the forest, comments.
Soobin brushes his palms against his trousers, wishing for anxiety to be removed the same way he can remove sweat. As he stands, he walks towards his younger brother: they usually patrol the forest together anyway.
“Taehyun, you and I will take the East side.”
The fucking traitor.
Soobin’s eyes bulge out of their sockets, but Hueningkai doesn’t even acknowledge how he has just caused his heart to start running.
“But…” Yeonjun tries to protest, and Soobin wishes for the ground to swallow him whole: of course, Yeonjun doesn’t want to be alone with him.
Soobin has been avoiding him for the past few months.
And he has his reasons.
He thought ignoring his feelings towards Yeonjun would eventually cast them away.
Of course, that did not happen.
And now, Soobin can’t even let him be near him, or the other will be able to see his thoughts, to learn how he truly feels.
His mind goes back to the night Yeonjun had walked into his nightmare: it had been terrifying. Yet, seeing him there had made the moment less dreadful.
Soobin remembers waking up, cold sweat making him shiver.
He remembers Yeonjun being right outside his door, his delicate breaths.
Soobin doesn’t really know how he has mastered the strength to push him away.
He curls his hands into fists, works his jaw around the frustration.
It’ll be fine.
It’s just recon.
Soobin lifts his eyes and meets Yeonjun’s sad, golden stare.
He hates him.
He hates the black hair framing his features in messy waves.
He hates that he can’t spend hours carding his hands through those locks.
Golden irises meet his brown ones, and Soobin doesn’t need to be a mind reader to understand Yeonjun wants to tell him something.
He’ll have to beat him to it.
He turns away, towards the thick wall of trees of the forest.
“Let’s go.”
This is not fine.
Soobin breathes his frustration in an annoyed huff and wills his magic to move the branch out of his way.
Yeonjun should not be the one walking ahead.
He is not the one whose magic is connected deeply with the forest.
But he hasn’t said a word since they’ve entered the woods, and Soobin will not be the one breaking the ice.
Soobin hates him.
Well, at least he thinks he does.
He surely has strong, unidentified feelings towards the other.
Soobin closes his eyes, trying to push his thoughts away.
As he lifts his lids again, Soobin can’t help but study Yeonjun’s tall, lean figure: he wears maroon trousers and a white, flowy shirt. He has long removed his black jacket, now hanging over his left arm.
The colours suit him, matching his lilac skin.
Soobin allows his eyes to crawl to Yeonjun’s hands: his long fingers.
Black nails, golden rings.
“It is truly extraordinary, the wall you managed to create to stop me from reading your mind.” Soobin’s thoughts are brutally interrupted by Yeonjun’s unbothered comment: the taller man’s face is slightly turned to him, and sunshine draws shadows around his side profile.
His long lashes.
His straight nose.
His full lips.
Soobin should get a fucking grip.
As his eyes find Soobin’s lips, he finds they are curved in a small, amused smile.
Soobin can feel his blood freeze.
His anxiety, which he has so carefully been trying to push back into the depths of his stomach, climbs back up, scratching against his throat.
He flexes his fists, exhaling slowly out of his nose.
“Get. Out. Of. My. Head.” He mutters, pushing the words through clenched teeth.
Yeonjun snorts, annoyed, and continues walking.
“You’ve never let me in.” Soobin hears his quiet comment and considers the idea of strangling Yeonjun.
Or himself.
“You have no right to know how I feel!” Soobin blurts out, voice straining against his rising anxiety.
Yeonjun’s left foot halts mid-step, his back growing rigid.
He turns, golden eyes burning.
Soobin swears he can see sparkles dancing around Yeonjun’s fingers.
“I DON’T WANT TO KNOW!”
Soobin doesn’t think he has ever heard Yeonjun yell before.
Flames are climbing up Yeonjun’s arms, and Soobin feels his fingers tingling.
He instinctively reaches for his daggers.
He can feel the trees shifting around him, as if to protect him.
“Then why? Why do you keep trying?” He spits out, resentment and confusion making his voice wobble.
Yeonjun laughs, but it tastes bitter to Soobin’s ears: he studies Yeonjun’s lips, tightly holding all his emotions.
“I just want to help you, you fucking dickhead.” Yeonjun’s eyes have softened, but his voice is still sharp around its edges.
Soobin’s brow furrows, shaking his head.
“I don’t want your help, Yeonjun.” He turns, eyes fixed on the green grass under his soles.
“Soobin!”
Yeonjun’s scream is enough to force Soobin to raise his head, but it is too late: a huge gryphon, too close for Soobin’s liking, has its sharp claws around his left shoulder.
Pain radiates across Soobin’s body, and he can’t even manage a grunt, because the beast has already spread its wings, lifting both of them through the air.
“Shit.” He mutters through clenched teeth and tries to use his right arm to hit the gryphon with one of his daggers.
He doesn’t feel like becoming food for birds.
He stabs the paw holding him captive, and the beast lets out a pained cry.
But it also hits Soobin with its spiky tail.
He hears the sound of something breaking, and from the way breathing immediately becomes painful, it must have been one of his ribs.
Soobin lets out a pained whimper, darkness creeping around the edges of his eyes.
He feels incredibly hot, and a small voice in the back of his head suggests this might be how he dies.
Soobin is falling, and he can only squeeze his eyes shut, waiting for his back to hit the ground, bracing himself for the painful impact.
But something halts his fall.
A pair of thin, yet strong arms, envelops him.
Soobin pries his eyes open.
“Fucking dickhead.”
Golden irises burn into his own brown ones.
Yeonjun lowers him to the ground and helps him sit.
His hand hovers over the injured shoulder.
And Soobin wishes he could die.
He wishes for the ground to open and swallow him whole.
He wishes for the beast to come back and finish the job.
Soobin is painfully aware that for Yeonjun to have complete access to his mind, wall or not, he needs to touch him.
And Yeonjun has just touched him.
To stop him from meeting his death.
Still, Yeonjun has just touched him.
Breathing suddenly appears too hard to master, and Soobin can feel his nerves burning.
He can’t even look up to meet Yeonjun’s eyes.
Anxiety presses against his ribs, taking up all the space left in Soobin’s lungs.
His shoulder hurts too much.
He can’t even focus enough to close his mind once more.
“Soobin. Please, let me help you.”
Yeonjun’s soft voice reaches his ears as if they were stuffed with cotton.
Soobin lifts his eyes: Yeonjun’s features are crumpled in worried lines, his hands raised in a placating gesture.
The taller man shifts forward, but the only thought Soobin can conceive is: run.
He shuffles back, using his legs to push his body away from Yeonjun's crunched form.
Yeonjun’s brow furrows, anger and hurt twirling behind his golden eyes.
Soobin’s escape is short-lived: his back meets the hard surface of a tree.
A pained whimper escapes his lips, and he raises his right hand to his injured shoulder.
But Yeonjun’s fingers wrap around his wrist.
“Soobin, enough.” Yeonjun’s voice seems calm, but Soobin can hear the strain in it.
He meets Yeonjun’s eyes, and something in his chest breaks.
As if a dam is being opened, Soobin’s pain, his anxiety, his feelings, his everything flows out.
It is too much, too big, too intense.
All his irrational thoughts, his emotions.
It's all crumbling.
Before him, Yeonjun’s face is blurred.
But it is not physical pain darkening the edges of his eyes.
Soobin is crying.
Tears stream down his face, and he tries to blink them away.
Yeonjun looks at him, his own golden eyes wide and barely holding on.
And Soobin can’t help but pity him.
Yeonjun is now seeing everything Soobin has been hiding from him.
His childhood.
The ruins of his house after the storm.
Hueningkai, still a child, hate in his grey eyes.
Hueningkai, a young man, with resentment in his eyes.
Yeonjun must be seeing himself, too.
Soobin’s every moment, his every piece, his every emotion.
His every thought.
Yeonjun’s hold loosens, and Soobin steels himself for the rejection he knows is coming.
But Yeonjun’s hands don’t leave him.
His long fingers intertwine with Soobin’s, holding his hands as if they were the most delicate, precious things Yeonjun has ever laid his eyes on.
A sob escapes his throat, and Soobin tilts his head forward.
As their foreheads touch, Soobin closes his eyes.
“Forgive me.”