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“Dear Future Self.”
Denki holds a letter. Not just any letter, a letter he wrote to his future self from Middle School. As he reads his eyes cut to the date then back to the letter.
He realizes how much his quirk fucks up his brain whenever he uses it. It’s such a useful quirk but it has its cons. It doesn’t help that he had ADHD and Dyslexia on top of that. He sighed, staring at the paper not quite remembering everything he wrote in this letter.
“Future Denki, mom always tells me that I’m very smart for my age and that we get good grades but sometimes my quirk is a blessing and curse. She told me how maybe I should have been born without this quirk or just been simply quirkless. Maybe things would go more smoothly for me.”
Denki frowns. He forgot he wrote about his mother in here. He doesn’t really speak about her much especially after he went no contact with her once he began his studies at UA. He loved her, but just sometimes (all the time) she was always spewing her dangerous rhetoric about his quirk and him. It’s not his fault he struggled and grew trying to do the best he can. That’s all you can ever do when you are faced with difficulties.
Even though it was tough for him right now. As he sat on the floor, his back against the cool wood of his bed frame letting it slowly ground him to not get worked up at the thought of his mother.
He continued reading, but what was read next made him freeze and remember a memory.
“Sometimes I wished I wasn’t born or maybe that I committed, maybe then I wouldn’t be a burden to my mother or family. They say how I always forget things or how I’m just too hyperactive. It sucks because people do not want to be around me or be my friend because my quirk is known as dangerous since I’m still learning. But I guess no matter what, I’ll never be good enough. I just have too many problems, and it burdens mom a lot. Maybe in the future, she will maybe love me more then.”
Denki swallowed back a small gasp. Sadly, nothing has changed, He thought to himself. His mother hasn’t even tried to contact him either while he attended UA. It’s no way she doesn’t know what’s going on, because of the many articles that come out about different incidents that happened, or even when USJ happened.
It’s literally live, for crying out loud.
No matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t.
Does it?
Should it matter actually?
That’s his mother. Shouldn’t she be here supporting him or so?
Everybody else’s mom does. But why not his—
His eyes seemed to focus on the paper, noticing wet dots on the paper held in between his hands. That’s when he started to slowly realize, oh, he’s crying.
He shouldn’t be crying.
This isn’t right.
He shouldn’t cry over this.
He should be over this.
“D-Denki— get a hold of yourse-yourself. This is very immature of y-you.” He let a shaky breath, as he dropped the letter and rubbed against his eyes to forcefully stop himself from crying. Using his sleeves to wipe a million tears.
He is being too much again.
He needs to suck it—
A sudden knock on his door shook him away from his thoughts. He didn’t know if he should be thankful or a bit irritated. He sniffed, standing up and opening the door to be met with two sets of eyes looking at him.
Green and light blue stared into his golden eyes.
“Izuku? Yuu?”
Izuku and Yuuga stood there on the other side of the door looking at Denki with a worried look.
“Mon Ami, are you okay?” Yuuga asks.
Denki immediately put a smile on his face. Even though it wasn’t fully there, “I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie.” Izuku said, cutting right through the bullshit. As third year students, Izuku had gotten better at catching when people are lying and cutting that bullshit. It took a while but he’s gotten better. He could feel a sense of Katsuki energy within him sometimes.
It was a bit scary sometimes.
“I’m not—guys listen,” Denki nervously chuckled, “I really am fine.”
“Then why were you crying? It didn’t sound like happy tears.” Izuku's eyes softened at the sight of Denki pausing for a moment.
“I wasn— Izu..” Denki was lost for words, was he crying that loud?
Yuuga wanted to save Denki at the moment and spoke up, “hey, do you want to go eat some ice cream? Katsuki had gone to the store with Shoto, and they got ice cream and it’s your favorite kind too.”
Denki's eyebrow twitched as he turned around from them. Maybe he should go out there, fresh air should help him. However, he didn’t want to annoy them. He didn’t want to bother them but at the same time they came to him.
“Denks.” Izuku says. Denki bent over to pick up the note and put it in his pocket. He then turned to look at Izuku and Yuuga.
“Fine.”
Yuuga held out his hand knowing how much Denki loves physical touch. Which Denki immediately took intertwining their fingers together as they all walked out to go to the common room.
Yuuga and Izuku led the way to the common room, while Denki held on and followed along. His mind still clouded up from the letter his younger self wrote to future him.
He was out of it again, he didn’t realize they had made it to their destination and that Izuku had already attached his arm to Denki’s.
“—him that bowl.”
“you— his favorite.”
“— wrong with him?”
“Izuku—“
“Denki, we got you a bowl. Come sit over here at the table and eat it.” Izuku says, sitting Denki down at the table himself with a pat on his back. Yuuga had given him his spoon and he kinda just sat there until he unemotionally started to eat small bites of his favorite ice cream. It tasted so good yet he was so out of it that he couldn’t enjoy it the way he wanted too.
Yuuga sat across from him, Izuku to his left. He then realized that Shoto came and sat on his right with his own bowl but was silent as he ate. He knows what Shoto was doing. He was one that didn’t force information out of you, he just gave you space while he was there for you but his presence—it’s something about it that makes you want to talk. It makes you want to tell him your whole life story.
Should he tell them?
Would it bother them?
Would they find him annoying?
“Denki, your ice cream is melting. Did you not want no more or—“
Denki started eating more, forgetting about the ice cream for a second.
“S-Sorry.”
“It’s all good, Mon Ami. Anyway, so guess what happened today?” Yuuga's eyes sparkled waiting for Denki to engage.
Denki sighed, “what happened?”
“Katsuki and I joined girls night an hour or so ago, we were gossiping, eating sweet treats, painting nails—“ Yuuga raised his hand showing his dark blue sparkly nails to Denki, “they’re so cute. Katsuki’s is black.”
Denki snorts, “Katsuki allowed you guys to paint his nails??”
Izuku took one last scoop of his ice cream, before butting into the conversation, “I’m not shocked, Katsuki and I used to paint our nails as kids together and plus painted our parents nails too for fun. So, this isn’t a shock-“
“IZUKU SHUT UP!”
Izuku, Yuuga, and Denki jumped up shocked hearing Katsuki's voice out of nowhere. Shoto gave a half grin.
“Katsuki, you should maybe stop yelling. None of us feel like taking you to the hospital again idiot.” Shoto says, which made Yuuga, Izuku and Denki burst out laughing.
“SHUT UP—“
“Anyway, back to what I was saying, we did that when we were kids. All you have to do is just ask him and he will let you.” Izuku says matter-of-factly.
“ARE YOU GUYS IGNORING ME??”
“Well maybe I’ll ask him soon to paint nails with me, I guess.”
“Good. We should all bombard him.” Shoto says, and if anyone could see the horror on Katsuki's face they would laugh but they all paid no mind to him.
Before Katsuki could even deny any of that, Momo came out and patted him on the shoulder.
“Calm down, Katsuki.” She giggled behind a hand watching him groan in irritation and lean back into the couch.
Izuku collected everyone’s bowls and put them in the sink as he began to wash them out.
Denki sat there reveling in the silence. He touched his pocket feeling the crumbled paper which made him remember the letter he wrote himself.
Maybe he should say something. His friends always trusted him with their problems, he should be able to do the same.
But what if they call him stupid for thinking this way?
What if they laugh in his face over his concerns of telling his problems?
All the what if’s started jumping him from every direction in his head. It was annoying—
“Denks, you are in your head again, babe.” Mina said as she stood up from the table on the other side of Shoto. When did she come over?
Denki blinked, “Oh.”
“Hey, why don’t we have a little paint nail night and watch television? How does that sound?” Izuku asks, turning his full attention to Denks.
Denki shrugged, now feeling squeamish as soon as he became hyper aware of everyone's attention on him. Izuku soon realized and was quick to stand up.
“I’m going to text the group chat and let them know if they want to join or not.”
Shoto and Yuuga nod.
“I think Denks would look good with Yellow on his nails. That would be really cute.”
“I’d say dark purple would be cute–maybe Kyoka has that color maybe?” Shoto adds, pondering on if she has ever worn that color. It seemed like her color, so he would be shocked if she never wore it.
Denki didn't really care what color he wore. He just likes the fact that he was included and makes him feel important.
Maybe he will say something.
After Izuku alerted the groupchat, everyone came down to have a movie night and paint nails. The girls plus Katsuki, and Yuuga nails were painted so they decided to paint everybody else's nails. Kyoka brought down her whole stash of nail polish ranging in many colors. Yuuga was super excited, Katsuki was going to get snacks for everyone.
Denks just watched how everyone just moved around him, and even though everyone was having their own conversations amongst each other–they still somehow made him feel a part of the atmosphere. He still felt a part of something. He felt a soft hand touch the top of his which made him look over noticing that it was Izuku. Those big green soft eyes staring right at him with such a softness that Denki has always craved ever since he was a child. He was able to ease the craving ever since he began going to UA due to all his friends he made. They were all attentive and very protective of one another.
“Do you want Yellow or Dark Purple? Yuuga and Shoto were debating about it a second ago?” Izuku giggled, and Denki just stared at him, letting his fingers glide against Izuku’s hand to hold it properly. It was so warm.
“I’ll wear both. One hand can be purple, and the other can be yellow.”
Izuku's smile brightened as he felt Denki hold his hand. His own fingers squeezed firmly like he was protecting it from the world or anyone else taking it from him. And, that lit a warm feeling deep inside his belly.
“Princess.”
Momo looked overhearing her nickname from Katsuki, “Yes?”
“Can you pass me the green nail polish? I’m going to paint Shoji’s nails.”
Shoji having his hands out ready for them to be painted by Katsuki. Momo beamed, finding this cute, she turned and looked around trying to find the green. She got Jiro’s attention.
“What's up?”
“Where is your green nail polish, Ky?”
“Oh–” Kyoka looked around, until her eyes zoomed in somewhere, “Oh! Fumi! Can you pass that green nail polish that is beside your leg to Momo?”
Fumikage turned to look beside his leg, spotting the green nail polish. Dark shadow grabbed it and handed it to Momo. In which Momo thanked her and gave her some head pats before handing it to Katsuki.
“Thanks, Princess.” He winked, and Momo blushed a bit, turning away to finish organizing the nail polish she had beside her so she could paint Eijiro’s nails. Who seemed the most excited for this more than anyone in the room currently.
“Denks, face me.” Izuku whispered, his hand slowly slipped from the blonde much to both of their disappointments, but he got to start painting Denki’s nails.
Denki did as told, turning his body sitting crisscross face Izuku who was getting the nail polish ready looking very concentrated. Yuuga was not too far painting Shoto’s nails as they bickered playfully on who the better painter was.
Denki held his hands out towards Izuku, placing them on his knees patiently. His mind seemed to scatter again as Izuku picked up his right hand first to start painting. Should he say something now?
But if he ruins the mood?
What if he is deemed annoying to them? Just like how his mother thought of him?
“Denki, spit it out already. You look like you're going to shit yourself if you don’t say what you are holding back now.” Katsuki spat, as he painted Shoji’s nails with such perfection.
The blonde gasps at being called out. He didn’t realize everyone else was noticing so he immediately turned his attention to Izuku who was already looking at him with those soft green eyes again. It gave him so much comfort.
“It’s okay.” Izuku mouthed to him, “No one will judge you.”
You don’t know that
“If you don’t want to talk then that is okay Denki. Just know we are always here to listen if you need us.” Tenya says, as he leaned against Mina who just finished his nails. She somehow convinced him to let her paint his nails as many different colors the rainbow allowed.
Hitoshi was leaning against Ochaco dozing off as she just finished his nails. She allowed it and tried not to move too much so he wouldn't jolt awake. He suffered from insomnia and the class always tried to help him get as much sleep as he could.
“I just .. I don't want to ruin the mood..”
“You wouldn’t ruin the mood by speaking your feelings.” Koji says, “I mean if you are uncomfortable once again, we wouldn't force you but if you feel like maybe one of us need to say something that we are struggling with to help ease you into saying something then, okay?”
“You don’t have –”
“I celebrated when my father retired from being a Hero. He never deserved the title in the first place.” Shoto says, and soon the room grew quiet and everybody was listening but still painting nails. Yuuga was looking at Shoto with a slightly worried look. Shoto on the other hand wasn't hurt anymore about it but he still worked hard to regulate his emotions.
“You did?” Denki says.
“Yeah, I celebrated with my siblings and my mom. We were happy about it. It took me a long time to realize that even though he was a good Hero, he was still a horrible person behind closed doors. Even if he still stopped abusing me when I became a teenager and attending here at UA. it doesn’t take away the pain or abuse he bestowed on the family. Lately, my siblings and I have been talking about changing our last names to our mothers so we can separate ourselves from him. I’m happy that he is changing and realizing that he was wrong but I can’t forgive him. I’ve gotten better though even though I still get scared of getting angry or lashing out my anger on anyone or any of you. It makes me think of Endeavour and makes me feel like I'm like him, so I immediately hide away to ground myself.”
Yuuga wanted to tear up, but he held it in. He placed the nail polish to the side and just took Shoto’s hands while staying calm.
“Yeah, so that’s what I'm struggling with right now.” Shoto shrugged, lifting Yuuga’s hand to place a kiss on his knuckles to let him know that he is okay.
“I have nightmares, like alot.” Ochaco says, “Well not as bad as they used to be. It’s from the war–when I was fighting Toga. the girl from league of villains.. I almost died in her arms–well actually I was going to die, but she saved me and said to me how I was the only person in her life that acknowledged her and didn’t automatically see her as a villain but someone who could do better. I have moments where I cut my hair – I know alot of you ask when I cut my hair but it’s because it triggers me having long hair because when it grows it reminds me of hers. I just can’t bear to see it. Every time I see the cut on my stomach I just automatically think of her.”
Hitoshi was lightly snoring as he cuddled into Ochaco’s shoulder. She played with his fingers as she tried to occupy herself.
“I died.” Katsuki says, “I finally came to accept that I died but I was too stubborn to stay dead.”
Denki and Momo both saw the way Katsuki's face twisted at the realization of him really being dead for a short period of time, and they didn't forget the way Izuku twitched at him saying that. Katsuki's eyes had looked at Izuku before looking at Denki.
“My memory is off. I forget and remember some things. I barely remember our second year to be honest. I’m on meds and I hate it, but it helps. I have to stay calm as possible or I could rupture my heart again and end up in critical condition. It’s alot, and I still have nightmares of that bastard–shigiraki who pierced my chest without a second thought. I don’t know I’m trying to get through it and work my way through that trauma, but we are going to have to deal with it for a long time.”
“Oh, Katsuki…” Denks started but Katsuki shook his head.
“I’m getting better.”
Izuku played with Denki's hands as he listened to everyone. Katsuki's eyes cut off towards Izuku, squinting his eyes, “Freckles, go ahead and get it off your chest.”
Izuku's eyes widened looking around then back down at Denki hands again trying not to look forward at the lightning boy.
“During our second year – I was put on suicide watch by Aizawa sensei. I actually finally got off of it at the beginning of this year, even though I am still heavily watched.”
He could almost hear the class hearts crack at hearing that.
“I tried to commit like three times last year, but I was stopped each time by Aizawa sensei who followed me at the right times because he felt something wasn’t right with me. I told him – that I couldn’t do this anymore and how I just need to go and end it all. It felt right for me, because I just felt useless, tired, just exhausted, and quirkless. It hurts being given something where society could finally accept me and live my dreams out just for it to all be taken away within a year to protect the world.” He nods to himself with a small chuckle, “it’s funny to think about sometimes, I don’t know and just like Ochaco when fighting shigaraki, I wanted to save him so bad but he was already so far gone and also taken over by AFO–it was too late. I saw his past and saw how it led to him being the villain he is but it doesn't take away his crimes that he committed. But he was groomed…by AFO his whole life.” Izuku just shook his head. Everyone was staring at Izuku wide-eyed hearing this.
“It was a disgusting and weird obsession AFO had for his younger brother who was actually the first user to the OFA quirk I had. It was incestious and just –” Izuku shook his head again, “and the way AFO looked at me and said how much I remind him of his baby brother with my looks just..made me want to puke and get away from him but I had no choice but to fight him, thankfully Katsuki came and killed him. I also learned something, it’s something I never told you guys..”
The class looked at him – besides Hitoshi.
“When I left UA at that moment to protect all of you.. AFO somehow got in contact with me which scared me and he revealed that he has been following my mother and I since I was born. He had his eyes set on me but he was pissed that All Might crossed my path. Which made him turn his attention somewhere else even though his eyes were always on me because of how much I look like his brother that he killed. Basically if All Might never met me, I would’ve been in Shigiraki place as the corpse he would've experimented on and taken over. What makes this worse.. Aizawa sensei would've been in Kurogiri–the warping quirk guy place instead. Because Aizawa sensei was also a target when he was younger as well. It’s so fucked. Ever since I was taken off suicide watch, I’ve been trying to get myself to understand that I’m not being watched anymore that AFO is gone and no one else will be hurt from him anymore. I sometimes have to find Yuuga and touch his hands to make sure he won’t explode… or just die. Like I have to cuddle up to Katsuki to hear his heart beat. It’s a working progress, I’m trying. I’ve seen better days honestly.”
“...what?” Tenya says, leaning forward, “Izuku you–what?”
“Yeah. it was alot to take in, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys earlier but all second year I was just trying to take my life while also just going through the motions last year.”
Katsuki sighs, “Do you want to cuddle later, Izuku?”
“Yeah. That'd be nice.”
“My mom hated me since my quirk came in.” Denki starts, and everyone grows silent to give him the space to talk, “Well maybe not hate–I’m not sure. I don’t know who my father is, but my mother was always getting on me about my quirk and calling me dangerous as a kid. I found a letter I wrote as a kid to my future self–I guess current me and It brought back so many horrible memories for me that I wanted to forget, to be honest. Ever since I started attending UA, my mother has cut all contact with me, so I don’t know where she is or what she is doing. My quirk makes me forget things alot, and my mother scolds me about that – or always makes fun of me saying how stupid I am. I used to go to a prestigious school and be top of my class but with my quirk it my memory jumbled up.” Denki rubs his fingers across Izuku’s, “I wrote about wanting to commit suicide as a child because I thought my family life would be better if I didn't exist anymore.” He used his free hand to pull out the jumbled paper from his pocket and sitting it on the floor, “I don’t know and then I keep having nightmares sometimes of almost losing Aizawa sensei during the war. We were all on the top of the roof when the villain got to us and Aizawa and Present Mic both fell off and almost died,and I just remember screaming so hard to the point I had my quirk awakening which took down the villain. I just couldn't imagine losing Aizawa and Present Mic. They were the first teachers in my life who looked at me as someone who is dependable and someone who isn’t a burden.”
The class listened to him speak. Even though they wanted to get up and jump him in a hug but right now they wanted him to finish before they even decided to jump him.
Mashirao stood up which got everyone's attention as he walked over. He kneeled down to pick up the piece of paper and decided to fold it and handed it back to Denki. “Well obviously your mother was wrong in how she was treated and what her and your ex family thought of you. How about we either burn this letter or you can keep and write a new letter but to your kid self and get things off your chest. Basically you write about how much you improved and actually found people that give a damn about you.” He says, while everyone watches the interaction, “then you can call mom and talk to her if you like it.”
“But he just said his mom–” Kyoka started, but Marshirao shook his head.
“Not his biological mom, my mom. Ever since his bio mom had decided to basically drop and run her kid here, my parents decided to be his temporary parents for the rest of his years here at UA. They actually wanted to adopt him as theirs but that's for another day.” He explained and the class once again was stuck on the fact they didn't know that.
“Why didn’t anyone say anything?” Toru questions.
“It was all still fresh to me, and I just didn’t know how to say it.” Denki says.
Marshirao giggles, “But yeah Denki here is my brother.”
Denki smiles softly, “yeah. It feels nice to have a sibling–w-wait did you say your parents want to adopt me as theirs officially?”
“Yeah. they immediately wanted to legally claim you as their son when they first met you in person.”
Denki's eyes widened and he could feel his eyes water. Immediately everyone grew alert, but all Mashirao did was smile softly and lean forward to hug Denki.
“Our parents adored you since they first laid eyes on you when stepping for UA. you would think they love you more than me, but of course there is alot of legal matters they will have to go through to make it officially, but they are determined to get it done.” Marshirao leaned back from the hug, wiping the tears from Denki's eyes, “So like I said, would you like to burn the letter or basically keep the letter and write a new one to your past and staple it to your past. You are basically stamping the new chapter of your life on top of your past.”
“I think that’s a good idea.” Hanta spoke up pointing with his freshly pink nails.
“I-I,” Denki sniffs, “I want to keep and write a new letter.”
“Welp, it seems suddenly the whole class has a task to do.” Fumikage states.
“I am not doing that.”
“Well, I’m doing it, I believe it will be a good task for all of us, Kat.” Momo says.
“Suddenly, I'm doing it.”
“Simp.” Izuku snorted.
“Says you, freckles.” Katsuki sneered.
“Alright class 3-A, I will get the paper for all of us, and we can spend the night writing these and then put them in envelopes and just keep them safe to ourselves.” Tenya said as he stood up to go get paper from his room.
After five minutes Tenya came back with paper and passed a sheet out to everyone alongside pencils. Hanta rolled onto his belly pushing himself up to get to the coffee table. Fumikage, Mina, Tenya, and Hitoshi, who was now awake holding pencil and paper, decided to go to the dining table. Everybody else moved around to find a place to write. After like two hours, with movies playing in the background they finally were stopped by Aizawa who came in and told them all to go to bed and to go to their rooms. Begrudgingly everyone left to go to bed, Yuuga, Momo, and Izuku followed Katsuki to his room.
Hitoshi followed Ochaco to her room to go back to sleep. Everyone else went to their designated places with their papers that held words they wish they could say to the kid versions of themselves.
Denki went to his room. He needed to be alone. He just needed to breathe for a second. He placed his paper down on his desk with the pencil and jumped into bed.
Tonight was long but needed. It felt like a full class therapy session and tonight really made sure he never doubted his friends again. Even though some days he might–it's a working progress.
Dear past me,
My quirk is dangerous since I have teachers who actually take the time to train me and help me understand it. I have friends who love and will protect me to the ends of the earth. I… I now have a mom and dad who see me as their son and now a brother who sees me as his sibling.
There is also this pretty boy. He is a friend of mine but I really, really like him. I want to ask him out before we graduate from UA this year and set out to and be on our own. His name is Izuku, you would love him. Not only him, but my whole class also – they would have made your life feel like a fresh breath of air.
I have trauma, yes, and I'm working on it and some days are easy and some aren’t. I love life, I honestly love living… Don’t give up, once you get in high school everyone here is going to make you want to live and to continue living for them.
Sincerely,
Future Denki.