Chapter Text
Xie Zheng was only 23 years old, spent last ten of them between military camps and battlefields and had little to none amount of free time, so there wasn't much room for making mistakes. Still he managed. Well, everyone were talking about him being a talanted and genius man, maybe he was just living up to his name? So there were some regrets.
Laying in the snow in the middle of nowhere, slowly dying from his numerious wounds, he regretted ever trusting his unkle. Not even because Wei Yan seemed to succeded in killing him, but because of dozens of soldiers, who lost their lives, trying to protect Wu'an's Hou.
Xie Zheng regretted not letting himself to live his life to it's fullest, reducing it only to two things: revenge and protection of people of Yin.
He regretted not being able to find answers to what really happened seventeen years ago.
But most of all he regretted not ever meeting his own daughter.
Her existence was just a drunk accident to be honest, and for the last few years Xie Zheng was ashamed of his own actions that fateful night.
He with his army was returning to the capital from Jinzhou after he retook it and when they made one of the night stops near a small village, he decieded to take a walk alone, leaving his guards behind. He definitely wasn't in his right mind at that moment: images of his father's corpse mingled with fresher memories of those, who were killed in the battle for Jinzhou and after it. So Xie Zheng tryied a centuries old method for coping and forgetting everithing - got as drunk as was humanly possible.
The tavern in such a small village was just as tiny, a bit dingy, but functional - they had a lot of strong liquors. Xie Zheng was well in his second bottle, when young woman entered the tavern and sat nearby. Two cups later it was enough alcohol in her systed for her to start loudly complaining about treacherous men and how she would rather become a spinster than to marry anybody.
He didn't remember how that happened, but they ended up together at her house, in her bed. She was beautiful, with skin white as a snow, rosy cheeks and bubbly smiles, long toned legs and delicate curves. She was his first and only woman. He was her first man.
Next morning he tried to apologise and to explain that he can't take her as his wife, only as a concubine, and even that would not be the best for her, but she just cut him short, told him that they both had a good time together, but that was it. She didn't expected him to take responcibility for her, she doesn't wanted it. Then she all but pushed him out from her house.
While he respected her wishes, this whole situation didn't sit well with him, so he left Xie Qi at the village to look after her from the distance. There was a risk that she would end up with his child after that reckless night, and if so, he should know about that. And sure he did.
Few month later he received a message fron his loyal servant, saying that miss Fan Changyu was showing clear signs of pregnancy. Was Xie Cheng happy? Definitely no. It wasn't that he didn't want children at all, no. He just didn't want to expose that innocent girl and their unborn child to all the scrutiny and damnation that they would certainly face from the nobles if they ever step foot into the capital. After some consideration Xie Zheng decided not to acknowledge that child as his. But still he instructed Xie Qi to secretly pass each month some sum of money to Fan Changyu, enough for comfort living, but not to much to raise suspitions from her neighbours. He was a scoundrel, but not that kind of scoundrel.
Nine month after their encounter he received another message, this time with congratulations due to the birth of his daughter. Xie Qi wasn't the one for big words and long letters, just as his master, so he only included her name, Fan Changning, and that her health was poor.
And that was it. All he knew about his daughter was her date of birth, her name and health condition. "Truly, the father of the year", he thought bitterly. But realistically, she was safer there, hidden from everyone as a commoner. In the whole world only three people knew, that Wu'an Hou had a daughter: he, Xie Qi and new man he specifically hired to look after his daughter.
There were days, when he imagined going back to that village to at least look at his daughter from aside... Guess that would never happen...
He was so cold that snow were no longer melting meeting his bare skin, and in no time he was completely covered by the layer of snow. With each moment Xie Zheng's thoughts were becoming more and more sluggish, so he prayed to his parents for a last time, closed his eyes and let his mind to be drowned in the black nothingness.
In the cold winter night light steps were aproaching him...