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Lee Know and Felix arrived at their hotel in New York. It was late, but they slept on the plane and Felix wanted to hang out in Lee Know’s room until he felt tired enough to go to sleep. Lee Know was glad Felix stayed for a bit. Both missed the other members and Lee Know always felt shy in foreign environments, especially when he didn’t speak the language. They ordered room service and talked for hours about life and their crushes and the members and everything. It was no secret that Lee Know was into guys, but he was bashfully private about it.
After two beers, Felix confided having a crush on a male idol from another group they were friends with but was too shy to hang out even though the guy let him know he was into him, too.
“It’s just that, you know, I’m a little nervous.”
“Nervous about getting caught?”
“Well, that and, you know, doing it.”
“Why, you never did it?”
“Not with a guy.”
“Really? You’re a virgin.”
Felix nodded in the dark, but Lee Know could feel his answer. Felix got up and wished him a good night. The next morning, after breakfast, the designer’s limousine picked them up to take them to his office in midtown Manhattan. Before Felix got out of the car, he leaned toward Lee Know and whispered, “I want you to be my first,” and quickly got out.
Lee Know sat frozen in his seat. Did he hear correctly? Dazed, he emerged from the vehicle and followed Felix inside the building. The day was filled with meetings, photo shoots, eating, and interviewing, but Lee Know could think about nothing else. The two of them shared secret glances, and when their hands touched by accident, it felt like a bolt of electricity flashing through Lee Know. At one point he asked Felix, “Why me?” To which Felix replied, “Because I trust you. I believe you will be gentle.”
Now Lee Know’s mind really went into overdrive. His stomach was in knots, and his hands sweated and trembled. He couldn’t sit still and lost his appetite. On the drive back to the hotel, his whole body vibrated from nerves. Felix must have felt the same, because his legs jiggled and he kept chewing on his knuckles. Every once in a while, he glanced at Lee Know from behind his fringe and blushed. Lee Know placed his hand over Felix’s knee to calm him, but it only made it worse. The anticipation of what would or could happen tonight was too much. They looked out their windows and watched the city passing by without seeing it.
“Tired?” Lee Know asked.
“Nope.”
“Nervous?”
Felix swallowed and nodded without looking at him.
He gave the blond boy sitting to his right a sideway glance, but Felix didn’t catch it. He kept chewing his finger and jiggling his legs, his head leaned against the glass. The driver watched from the rearview mirror and Lee Know stared out the window again.
All day Lee Know had thought of nothing else but what Felix had said to him before getting out of the limousine. It messed with his mind through every event they had that day, and there was nothing Lee Know could do about it. His thoughts were out of his control.
Back in the room, he took a shower first. Not sure what Felix expected or how they would make the first move after the anxious anticipation both felt all day, Lee Know waited for him on the bed, with only a towel covering his middle. Felix came out of the bathroom wearing a robe and when he saw Lee Know shyly waiting for him, he dropped the robe on the floor and climbed on Lee Know’s lap. “You sure?” he asked. Felix nodded and bent down to kiss him while pulling Lee Know’s towel off him.
They kissed, fully aware of every inch their skin came in contact with. Felix moved rhythmically on Lee Know’s lap which nearly drove him insane.
Lost in their close contact while looking into each other’s eyes was enough for the moment. They didn’t want to blow the day-long anticipation in one quick go but rather enjoy it slowly. The whole night lay before them. Lee Know let the younger one take the lead. Felix trusted him, he said, and he didn’t want to push him into something that might freak him out. The slow-paced exploring, feeling Felix’s warm breath on his bare skin, his small hands massaging his chest and thighs, panting, touching, and finally, shyly, venturing to his penis was almost too much for Lee Know to endure. He met him with a slight, welcoming thrust, a moan, and hooded eyes, while holding on to Felix’s slender hips.
Slowly, he felt Felix lowering himself onto his tip, as if probing, but without penetration, not yet.
Lee Know harbored a gentle love for Felix who was not as innocent and demure as he looked. He knew what he wanted and relentlessly went after it. There were times over the years when their hands touched fleetingly, and it felt different than the hundreds of times when they were holding hands during practice or a performance. Or when one noticed the other staring as if under a spell, blushing when caught and quickly averting their eyes.
Sometimes something was said with a certain undertone that only the other was able to detect, building up to a desire that had to be guarded or turned into a fanservice excuse. Lee Know hoped he wouldn’t blurt out Felix’s name in the middle of the night during a dream which would expose his deeper longing for the boy with the pure heart. And now, this angel entrusted his most intimate experience into his hands, him, the biggest tsundere in the whole group. Could he do it justice?
As the older, experience one and because it was Felix’s first time with another man, Lee Know let Felix decide the pace. As Felix probed and poked Lee Know could sense his hesitation. The boy needed guidance. Gently, Lee Know lifted Felix off his lap and rolled him onto his back. He reached for the bottle of lube which he always carried in his toiletry bag and squirted a small amount onto his finger. Circling gently, Lee Know rubbed the area around Felix’s anus before touching the sphincter with the tip of his finger. He watched Felix closely, gauged his reaction, and when he felt he was comfortable, ventured deeper. Lee Know kissed Felix’s belly, making his way up his chest, and suckled on a nipple while working his finger deeper into his rectum.
Felix was like a child, with Lee Know his protector. He watched him closely. When Felix scrunched his face, Lee Know immediately moved slower, asking if he was all right. Felix urged him to continue. Lee Know was so sweet and patient with him, Felix so eager. He shed some tears of gratefulness for being treated so gently by the group’s toughest guy and asked himself if this was really happening.
Felix’s held his breath as Lee Know began stretching his anus. They had only two nights before returning to Seoul and the watchful eyes of the members and fans, so Lee Know wanted to make the most of it. His finger finally reached deep enough to feel the prostate. As soon as he began massaging it, Felix’s breathing picked up. Lee Know found a rhythm that told him Felix was in pleasure heaven and belonged only to him at this moment.
He cradled his head, looked him in the eyes, slowing his moves whenever Felix flinched or held his breath. He didn’t want to hurt or scare him, but Felix was too far gone. His gasps were asking to keep going. Don’t stop; it feels so good.
Was Lee Know aware how much he admired and desired him? When Lee Know held him close like that, Felix noticed his countenance had changed. It was deeper than vulnerability. Astonishment? Reverence?
It was time.
Lee Know lubed up, positioned himself over Felix, and slid in carefully, watching Felix’s expression. Melted into each other’s glistening bodies, Felix wrapped his legs around Lee Knows hips. With his head thrown back and moaning, they sometimes came together for a kiss. Led by Felix’s hip movements, Lee Know gauged how deep and fast he could go.
He was emotional as they made beautiful, respectful love, the first time for the younger one.
Below him, Felix looked like a kitten and purred like a tiger cub.
In a sacred moment of realization Felix understood he had cracked through the tsundere’s guarded shell. It made their union even more precious. Lee Know was close to climaxing and when he did, he moved faster and deeper, but Felix met him with encouraging thrusts. It hurt but the pleasure was greater than the pain, and it was almost over. He could take it, wanted to, without making Lee Know feel guilty. Felix watched in awe as Lee Know peaked, feeling him inside. He grunted and gasped before collapsing on top of him, immediately asking if he was all right, to which Felix nodded. Lee Know pulled out and went to work on him. He sat on Felix’s erectness and soon after he took him in, Felix surrendered with a long satisfying groan.
“Minho, oh my god, I’m coming, I’m coming. Don’t stop.” Felix’s breathing accelerated and crested like waves breaking on top of each other, rolling in and out of the sea. Lee Know kept going until Felix slipped out of him, his penis moist and soft and hot.
“Whoa. Whoa, that was intense. Holy god almighty.”
Lying next to each other catching their breaths, Lee Know grinned and asked how he liked it.
“Do you even have to ask?”
Once initiated, Felix became more assertive. His trust in Lee Know was complete and richly rewarded.
Later, Felix “rehearsed” blow jobs on him. When Lee Know showed him the trick with the fluttering tongue around the frenulum, the part where the skin connects to the tip of the penis, there was no stopping him. He took Lee Know to heaven and back and all he could do was hold on to the bed sheet and hope his screams couldn’t be heard throughout the hotel. He learned to stimulate the prostate internally the way Lee Know did to him which had him cooing like a dove and when they left New York two days later, all they remembered were the nights they spent together.
What happened during the days were fleeting memories of luxurious clothes and extravagant meals, memories which faded as quickly as the aerial view of Manhattan from their departing plane. It meant nothing compared to their love making that was a long time coming.