Archive of Our Own

Jaehyun sits in the adjacent chair at a table in the cafe near campus with his open laptop while Riwoo stirs his iced espresso with a straw. They usually meet up to study here, and they should be doing so because Jaehyun has a five page essay due by Friday and he's nowhere close to even starting it. And he knows that Riwoo has some reading to do that he didn't bother printing it and is looking at it straight from his phone.

Normally, Jaehyun wouldn't be against ignoring their tasks and talk about whatever Riwoo wants, but that's far from the case today because of all the topics that he could bring up to the sacred place of their shared cafe table, he decides to bring Han Taesan.

"Jaehyunie, I think you should give him a chance," Riwoo says as soon as his lips leave the straw. "Just one date, you know. A change of view won't kill you."

"Why are you so hooked on this?" Jaehyun sighs, taking a sip of his sugary drink — his mistake, he didn't want to tell the barista that it was the wrong order. "It's not like you're the one being courted by an omega."

"I already went through the courting process with my boyfriend, thank you very much," Riwoo smiles, elbows on the table as he rests his chin on his hands. "I'm worried about your love life. When was the last time you went on a date? Or got laid, for that matter."

Jaehyun doesn't want to say out loud to the whole cafe that it's been a while since both things happened. He stopped fooling around with alphas as soon as he realized that the out-of-heat sex wasn't as nice, especially when he was on his right mind. Still, that doesn't mean he's as desperate as Riwoo makes it seem — at least, not enough to go on a date with another omega when deep down he knows it's not right.

To be stated that Jaehyun is not prejudiced or has an antiquated mindset, not to the same amount as he used to be in the past. College truly made him change his mind about a few aspects from the alienated mindset that he was exposed to in his home since he presented as an omega. It's just that this type of relationship is not for him. Jaehyun doesn't feel bothered or disgusted when he sees omegas dating other omegas, but he can't see himself dating another omega. Not when he was raised being told that all he needed in this life was a nice alpha mate.

"Why should I bother?" Jaehyun huffs out. The topic is annoying him by now. Riwoo never seems to let it go whenever they're alone, and Jaehyun kindly wishes he could go a single day without being reminded of Taesan's never-ending efforts in courting him. "It's not like it'll get anywhere."

"What do you mean?" Riwoo plays with a long lock of his bangs. "Don't you think Taesan is pretty?"

"He's pretty, but that's because he's—" Jaehyun cuts himself off before the words come out.

That's because he's an omega, lingers on the tip of his tongue. He knows that Riwoo wasn't raised in the same traditional, close-minded way as him. Riwoo doesn't think an omega is pretty because it's in their nature, the same way he doesn't think alphas are handsome because they're alphas. Riwoo doesn't have the same line of thought as him, and Jaehyun couldn't expect him to understand that some things can't be simply pulled out of him no matter how much he tries to.

"He's an omega," he settles with.

"You're an omega too," Riwoo frowns. "What's the matter in that?"

Jaehyun sighs. "Do you really want me to say it?"

"Not this again, Jaehyun," he groans, throwing his head back in annoyance.

And that's where it lies the problem with the Taesan-courting-him topic, and one of the reasons why Jaehyun wants to avoid it — not only because it's a reminder that an omega is trying to date him. Usually, bringing Taesan to the conversation entails a long argument between them about sub-genders and relationships and how traditionalism shouldn't be a ghost in his life. Riwoo is an alpha dating another alpha, Jaehyun knows that he'll never win an argument about courting and mating against him.

"You're the one who keeps bringing this up over and over," Jaehyun huffs, staring at the blank document left in his laptop, the blinking cursor mocking him at the lack of words.

"Because I'm still hoping that you will change your mind someday, Jaehyun." Riwoo slams his hands on the table. "Maybe if you saw how Taesan is an omega and still wants to be with you, you would change this prehistoric idea of relationship you have in your head."

"Riwoo-ya, we already talked about this," he sighs, closing his eyes in defeat.

"So what? You're only going to date an alpha after they properly courted you for three months and asked for your parents permission to have your hand?" Riwoo mocks. "You truly can't be serious, Jaehyun."

"The courting for three months and asking for my parents' permission is a little too much," Jaehyun mutters, slightly embarrassed — he only stopped thinking that way quite recently, as embarrassing as it is to admit.

Riwoo raises a brow. "But not the part of exclusively dating alphas?"

"You know better than anyone how my parents are very traditional when it comes to these things." Jaehyun feels stupid as soon as he speaks, like it usually happens whenever they talk about this.

"Let's talk about something else," Riwoo sighs, picking up his phone from the table and opening his reading material. "This conversation never leads anywhere."

Jaehyun can't help feeling a little sad after that, even if he knows that Riwoo isn't really mad at him for still thinking like that. He understands that his friend wants him to be happy, he wants Jaehyun to think outside of the small box his parents pushed him inside since he showed the first signs of presenting as an omega.

But he wishes Riwoo would be a little more understanding that he can't change when it comes to himself yet. Jaehyun doesn't think that Riwoo's relationship with Woonhak is wrong by any means, or any other same sub-gender relationship. It's just that he can't see himself being like any of them, can't help wanting to make his parents proud by bringing home a nice alpha.

He knows deep down that Riwoo only stops their arguments before it gets heated because he cares. Their friendship is way more important than petty fights over the way each sees the world, but he always feels pathetic whenever it happens. Jaehyun isn't stupid, but Riwoo makes him feel like it by indirectly rubbing on his face how inflexible he still is.

"Riwoo-ya, you know I'm not that close-minded anymore." Jaehyun bites the inside of his cheek, sounding sulky. "I just don't think that it's worth the effort. It won't lead anywhere and I don't want to give him false hopes."

"If you're not that close-minded, then prove it." Riwoo stares at him with a challenge gleaming in his eyes. "Go on a date with him. Just one. And if you're sure that this is not for you, then I'll never bring this back."

Jaehyun huffs and pretends to be paying attention to his laptop screen, not even bothering to give Riwoo an answer. He wraps his fingers around the plastic cup and takes a sip. It's sweet and sickening, and while he has to agree that this is what a strawberry frappé should taste like, he kind of regrets not telling the barista that she made him the wrong order. A cappuccino would be nicer, especially when he's craving something bitter that leaves a sour aftertaste.

"Honestly, I don't get it," Riwoo says after a beat of silence between them. "Taesan is a good catch, you know? He's attractive and he has quite a popularity around the arts department. He's captain of the swimming team, and you don't see omegas getting the captain position all the time. He's also fun and nice to have around, and despite my taste being somewhere else, I have to admit that he's hot."

Jaehyun takes another sip of his nauseating frappé, processing the words. Sure he knows about Taesan and the reputation he has in the arts department, how nice and polite he is under the mask of stoicism he sports all the time, how he got the captain position because they couldn't ignore his skills and how he had a great sense of leadership. And of course, he knows the younger is hot and attractive — despite everything, Jaehyun has very functional eyes when he's wearing his prescription lenses.

He knows more about Han Taesan than he'd like to, but he doesn't understand why Riwoo is so set on making him date Taesan all of a sudden.

"Why do you care so much about this?" Jaehyun asks, defeated.

"Because I care for you, Jaehyunie." Riwoo looks at him, face painted with a concern that feels out of place. "Your love life is in shambles and you need to get laid out of your heat too."

"I appreciate your concern for my love and sex life, but you can let me handle that alone," Jaehyun rolls his eyes, ears and nape burning with embarrassment. Just because he doesn't do sex out of heat and hasn't gone on a date for almost three years, doesn't mean he needs help with these things.

Riwoo snickers. "Well, you're not doing a great job alone."

"Shut up," he scoffs, shaking his head.

Riwoo laughs quietly and goes back to his phone, typing something on it. Jaehyun decides to make another attempt at focusing on his essay, staring at the white screen and hoping that the words will magically show up. His mind keeps wandering back to Han Taesan and the stupid compliments Riwoo kept gushing about the other omega.

Taesan is pretty, and that can't be denied. Jaehyun has noticed that from the moment he laid eyes on the omega in that experimental contemporary dance class that he took on his first semester with Hanbin because he was drooling over one of the omegas in charge. Taesan is the kind of pretty that you notice upon the first meeting, that stuns you for a split second before you can gather yourself and your whereabouts. The kind of pretty that eventually you get used to it as you get to know the person, the initial impact softened by other aspects — but that doesn't make it any less astonishing.

That doesn't mean Jaehyun is attracted to him, not like he'd feel if Taesan was an alpha or a beta. Taesan is an omega, his beauty is meant to be noticed and not easily forgotten. It's one of the many omega things that Jaehyun learned about when he presented, he has this effect on other people too. Which makes it a competition, because omegas are prone to compete against each other. That's how they are instinctively supposed to feel when they see another omega.

Right now, it sounds a little stupid because how would he even compete with an omega like Han Taesan in the first place?

The idea of dating another omega is completely foreign to him, something so weird and unfitting that he can't even wrap his mind around it. How is that even supposed to work? What would sex be like when it's in their nature to be submissive? What would heats be like when none of them have a knot to satisfy each other? Jaehyun knows that a relationship goes beyond sex, but it's still a part of it.

And Jaehyun had his fair share of experiences with sex. After the third time, he stopped seeing the appeal on it. Sure, it helps with heats and usually feels pretty good when he's delirious and drooling for whatever the other person wants to give him, but he has to admit that it's a little annoying when alphas expect him to do what they want. It didn't take him long to understand that this is the way things are supposed to be — omegas are supposed to give and alphas to take, so he accepts his fate and goes along with it. Jaehyun gives and the alphas take, because in the end omegas need alphas.

Because of that, he can't wrap his mind on the reasons why Taesan would still want him when he could have any alpha in the world.

The problem with all of this situation is that Taesan is so infuriatingly nice about it.

When Jaehyun ignored that first attempt at flirting all those months ago, he expected Taesan to be like most of the alphas he declined in the past. Jaehyun expected bad words and cussing, Taesan forcing himself in his personal space, Taesan telling him that he'll never find someone like him. Instead, Taesan has been nothing but sweet. He doesn't push, he doesn't get upset when Jaehyun dismisses his attempts, and he doesn't talk shit about him. Taesan just laughs it off and changes the topic like nothing happened. It's like Jaehyun dismissing him doesn't hurt his pride and ego like it does to alphas — and it probably doesn't.

They sit next to each other in Psychology of Music, one of the only classes they share with their different majors. Sometimes, Jaehyun likes to pretend that Taesan is his friend. Not a close one, obviously. They barely know each other besides the little they shared in that one-hour weekly class. But in that one hour, they're always together, they exchange notes and help each other. It's almost easy to forget that Taesan is romantically interested in him.

That is, until Taesan says something that clearly shows that he's not ready to give him up. It doesn't make Jaehyun as uncomfortable as he thought he'd be after the first time. Now, it's almost like a running joke between them. Taesan flirts and Jaehyun brushes him off, pretending that sometimes he doesn't feel a little affected by it.

Today, Jaehyun can't focus on the lecture. His mind keeps bringing him back to the conversation with Riwoo at the cafe, about going on a date with Taesan at least once to prove that he's not prejudiced — and it's not like he has to prove himself, but Riwoo presented it like a challenge and Jaehyun's competitive side awakens at that. He takes one look at Taesan and thanks the Goddess that he's taking notes and paying attention to the slideshow.

Taesan still looks as pretty as he did the first time Jaehyun saw him, and even though he got used to his face and doesn't feel like he needs to compete with the younger omega, he still feels something when he sees him. Jaehyun can't really explain, and he doesn't dare talk about it to anyone. But it's there, somewhere deep and covered by years of listening to how omegas should behave and always be on the look for suiting alphas.

By the end of the class, Jaehyun has made up his mind and decides that he'll ask Taesan if he wants to grab a coffee at his favorite place. It's not the best idea for a first date, but Jaehyun never had to take the first step before and he's running out of ideas that won't accidentally lead Taesan on. Coffee at the cafe nearby seems like the safest option.

Before he can muster the words out, a classmate that he vaguely remembers as an alpha that sits two rows below them, approaches their desks. The guy is tall and has a strong physique, common traits for an alpha. He doesn't spare a single glance in Taesan's direction, instead smiling at Jaehyun and pushing his hair out of his face.

"Jaehyun-ssi, I was wondering if you'd like to go out for lunch with me," he says, sounding polite but Jaehyun has been on the receiving end of alphas' politeness for long enough to know that it's only a facade.

Jaehyun stares blankly at the alpha. He doesn't remember ever sharing a single word with the guy, not even pleasantries. That doesn't mean he hadn't caught him staring at him once or twice after classes, his intentions very clear when his eyes looked at him like Jaehyun was a piece of fresh meat at the butchery.

"Hello…" Jaehyun trails off, pretending to not remember the guy's name.

"Oh, where's my manners?" The alpha chuckles. "Kim Wonbin."

"I'm truly sorry, Kim Wonbin-ssi, but I've got other plans for lunch," he replies politely.

Honestly, he couldn't be less interested in having lunch with an alpha that clearly only wants him as a quick fuck rather than actually being interested in knowing him. Besides, he wasn't lying about having other plans because he still has to ask Taesan out for coffee. As always, the alpha wasn't taught to know what a no means. He doesn't budge, keeping the heavy look and flirty smile plastered on his face.

"Are you going to be free any other time?" The alpha presses, not quite catching Jaehyun's dismissal. "We can grab dinner and maybe a few drinks after. I know a very good place close to campus."

Jaehyun feels that anxiety that only comes when alphas keep pressing him to do something gnaw at the bottom of his belly. "I don't—"

"Hey, I was here first," Taesan cuts him off, looking up at the alpha with sharp eyes and a smile that looks more intimidating than friendly. His words are in a playful tone, but there's an edge in it that has Jaehyun wondering — is it possessiveness? He can't tell, he never heard Taesan talk like this before. "Jaehyun-ah doesn't know yet but he's going to be my mate in the future."

"Two omegas being mates? I'll pay to see that," The alpha snorts.

Something in the way he says it doesn't sit right with Jaehyun. Sure he's not going to date another omega nor be Taesan's mate in the future, but he doesn't like the way the alpha is looking down on Taesan. It doesn't sit right with him. Taesan shouldn't be looked like that, ever.

"He can take a hint when I say no," Jaehyun points out, eyebrows furrowed as his patience runs thin with the alpha in front of them, "so he has more chances than you."

The alpha's eyes shift back to Jaehyun, looking at him in surprise at how the omega didn't hesitate to bite back. He looks ready to start an argument, but thinks twice and simply shrugs before muttering an "You're not even that pretty. It's not worth the effort." and leaving the omegas behind.

"What an asshole." Taesan says loud enough for the alpha to hear, eyes narrowed in his direction like he was the one that got offended by that statement.

Jaehyun hums in agreement, but he's not really paying attention. He's thinking about how to ask Taesan out for coffee without giving him false hope, especially after the whole interaction with the alpha. What was he thinking when he said that Taesan had more chances with him than an alpha? Stupid, stupid! Maybe it's better to not talk at all, to postpone this coffee hangout to another time.

"What the hell was he even thinking, that he's got a chance with you?" Taesan snickers, turning to Jaehyun with a smirk. Jaehyun is taken aback by how pretty Taesan looks with his pink-blond hair and plump lips and brown eyes. It doesn't even make sense that the alpha picked him when Taesan was right there. "You're way out of his league, hyung."

"And who do you think is in my league?" Jaehyun asks playfully, hoping that his ears aren't flushed because of his moment of awe at Taesan's beauty.

"Me, obviously," he says, throwing his bag over his shoulder before looking down at the desk. "Well, I thought so. But you keep turning me down so I think I'm not that much in your league."

The words are playful, like most things that Taesan says — but Jaehyun has been dealing with this for long enough to know that Taesan hides questions and meanings under the joking air of his flirts. He can sense the hidden question on that, the big "Am I in your league? Am I worthy of your effort? Am I the one you'll look at someday?". Jaehyun doesn't have answers to those questions, and he knows that, by now, Taesan must be tired of looking and not finding anything.

Someday, Taesan will get tired of betting on this losing dog that is a future relationship between them and will go after someone more willing to accept his feelings.

It hits Jaehyun in that moment that he doesn't want that to happen. He doesn't want Taesan to give up on him because he doesn't want to lose whatever they have. Maybe it's out of loneliness. He's not the only omega in his friend group, and Taesan isn't the first omega that doesn't see him as competition — but his omega friends doesn't give him the same attention Taesan gives him. He knows that's not the only reason why he doesn't want this to end. It's selfish, but Jaehyun likes the attention and confidence that Taesan gives him.

Taesan is very popular, not only among alphas but other sub-genders too. His looks alone make all the eyes turn in his direction, but that's not what makes him popular. Taesan is the star and captain of the campus swimming team, and he's quite known for not submitting to anyone's shit. It's a gossip among alphas, most of them are intimidated by Taesan despite his beauty. During the time they know each other, Jaehyun has seen only one person approach Taesan and it led nowhere. "I only have eyes for you, hyung," Taesan said reassuringly when Jaehyun asked how the date went.

It's no secret that Taesan could have anyone he wanted. But he likes Jaehyun, he wants Jaehyun and no one else. And Jaehyun doesn't understand why, but it gives him the courage to finally ask Taesan out despite his initial hesitancy.

"So… Are you busy right now? We can grab a coffee, my treat," Jaehyun says, with a little stutter and too quiet but Taesan still hears him — he can see it in the way the omega's whole face lights up as soon as the words are out.

"You're really paying for our first date, hyung?" Taesan says with a wiggle of his eyebrows, taking Jaehyun by the arm and tangling them together as they walk out of the empty classroom.

Jaehyun would be a liar if he said that he doesn't feel anything at the sight of Taesan's excited smile or the way his touch makes him feel warm all over.

He thinks about it the whole way to the cafe, barely paying attention to the things Taesan tells him. Jaehyun nods and hums and hopes the other omega won't notice how out of it he is because of a meaningless touch. This close, he can catch shy traces of Taesan's scent — bergamot and musk, soft and citrus mixing together in something that some would say it's unusual but Jaehyun thinks it fits him. He has to hold back from leaning into it, to smell it better because of how weak it is with the patches hiding Taesan's scent gland.

Jaehyun doesn't even notice they're already in the cafe, only brought back to reality when he hears the bell ringing at the door and the scent of fresh coffee and pastries taking over Taesan's scent that almost got him on a spell. He asks for Taesan's order and moves to the counter, asking him to pick a spot for them in the seemingly empty shop.

With an iced americano, a cappuccino and two cinnamon rolls in hand, Jaehyun moves to the table Taesan chose for them. The same one that he usually sits with Riwoo — by the window, next to the big plant that smells like grass. The spot gives him a sense of familiarity amidst the strangeness of being with Taesan outside of the Psychology of Music lecture hall.

"Thanks, hyung," Taesan says with a grin, taking the cup and the plate.

Jaehyun smiles and sits opposite of the younger, biting back the desire to say that he'd like to treat Taesan to a better place because the coffee here isn't the best and he only comes here because it's cheap. Jaehyun isn't sure he can say such without coming off as something more. If they were only friends, he could say that without the fear of giving the other hope. But they're not only friends, and he knows that Taesan will see his words as intentions for another date.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of having coffee with you?" Taesan asks with a raised brow. "Don't get me wrong, I'll never complain when it comes to spending time with you, but there has to be a reason why you decided to ask me out now."

"Can't a guy grab coffee with his classmate?" Jaehyun says, stuffing his mouth with a large bite of the pastry, just in case he accidentally says something embarrassing.

"Of course you can, but you know very well that we're far from being just classmates," he says, leaning a little closer with bright eyes as he adds, "Have you finally realized your feelings for me, hyung?"

"You wish, Taesan-ah," Jaehyun scoffs, but he doesn't stop smiling. He take a sip of his drink and lets the bitterness wash away his insecurities. Standing face to face with Taesan in such a private space, he has a question chewing at his mind. "Actually, I want to ask you something."

"You can ask me anything you want," Taesan says with a smirk. His words sound honest in a way that makes Jaehyun's chest hurt.

"Why do you like me?"

The question seems to startle Taesan, but only for a second. Jaehyun keeps his eyes trained on the omega, watching the way the surprise melts into something that can only be considered adoration. And he can't look for too long, eyes down to his plate before Taesan can see his cheeks slowly blushing. Jaehyun almost regrets asking that, he doesn't know if he's ready for whatever answer Taesan has.

"You're short, I like people that are shorter than me," he starts, resting his chin on his hand. "You're smart and funny, I like when you make me laugh. You're very hardworking and polite, you would go through lengths for the people you like. You're also really cute, like an energetic puppy in a pet shop that really wants to be adopted, and—"

"I don't look like a puppy," Jaehyun protests, just because he can't bear listening anymore without sporting a furious blush on his cheeks that will be impossible to explain without embarrassing himself further.

Jaehyun doesn't know how to react to all the reasons Taesan gave him. No alpha has ever said anything like that to him — usually, when he asked that to an alpha, they would say that he smells good or he's pretty or he has a nice body. Taesan doesn't like him because of how he looks, but rather because of the things he does, the things that make him Myung Jaehyun. And Jaehyun has no idea of what to do with that.

"What I meant with my question is that I'm an omega too," Jaehyun states, as if Taesan wasn't aware of this big detail when it came to liking him.

"I know that." Taesan's smile falters. "So what? Just because we're both omegas I can't like you like that?"

"No," he replies, biting his lip and widening his eyes right next, stumbling into words, "What I mean is, I can't offer you much because I'm an omega too."

"This is not a transaction, Jaehyun," Taesan says, a scowl slowly showing up on his face. "I don't like you just because I want something from you in return."

"But don't you need an alpha?"

"Why the hell would I need an alpha?" Taesan wraps his hands around his cup and sips on his coffee, the scowl setting deeply on his face. Jaehyun hopes it's because of the beverage's taste, and not because of the conversation he started.

"Well, to be able to bond and marry," Jaehyun replies, matter-of-factly. "To have a family."

Taesan scoffs. "What makes you think I want any of that?"

"Even if you don't want it now, it's what is expected of you in the future. It's what your biology wants more than anything," Jaehyun says, eyebrows furrowed in frustration. "I guess your heats aren't too intense so you don't feel that need like most omegas do, but you still must feel like that somewhere inside, don't you?"

"I don't need a stupid alpha to have sex and feel pleasure," Taesan spits, looking at Jaehyun with a coldness that makes the blood in his veins run cold.

"How come you don't?" Jaehyun gapes, his frustration growing. He can almost smell the bitterness in his orange leaf scent, gladly tucked away by the patch on his neck. "You're an omega too, Taesan. You know that we're drawn to alphas as they are to us. You know that it's impossible for an omega to feel real attraction for another omega. It's not how our biology works."

By now, any of the friendly and playfulness that usually lingers in Taesan's words are completely gone. In its place, a coldness and distance that feels out of place. Taesan never looked at him or acted this way around him, but Jaehyun is too frustrated to see, too scared about the way Taesan likes him. Too frightened by the way his heart beats when he thinks about Han Taesan.

"You're so smart, Jaehyun," Taesan sighs, shaking his head in disappointment. "It's one of the reasons why I like you, but I never expected you to be like…"

"Like what?" Jaehyun whispers, afraid of what's about to come.

"Like this. Spilling this traditional bullshit about omegas," he says, waving his hand in no particular direction. "Riwoo-ssi warned me that you came from a more conservative and traditional family, and I knew that it would be a challenge to get you to see me as more than another omega. I assumed that you were smart enough to have your own opinions on this, especially since your best friend is an alpha dating another alpha. Guess I was wrong about you."

The words hurt more than Jaehyun would like to admit. There's a bitterness on his tongue that it's far from being the cheap coffee's fault and his eyes feel strangely stingy. Why does the realization of disappointing Taesan makes him feel like crawling into his bed and not coming out until he earns his forgiveness? Why does it matter so much what another omega thinks of him? Jaehyun wants to run away from that cafe and never cross paths with Taesan again, but something keeps him there. So he bites his lips and swallows everything foreign in him, looking at Taesan with a cruelty that he never expected he had in him.

"Sorry if I want to live a normal life and not—"

"That's enough." Taesan slams his cup down on the table before Jaehyun can finish. It startles the omega, taking him out of the cruel stupor he was in. "I got the message a few words ago, okay? You'll never see me as anything more than an omega, and a wrong one for that matter because omegas are not supposed to be attracted to other omegas. Wish I knew this before I—"

Taesan stops, not making any effort to continue or finding anything different to say. He's angry, a strained smile on his lips as he stands up. Jaehyun blinks at him, feeling extremely embarrassed by the way he led the conversation and the way he acted. He never said anything like that before to anyone, not even to other omegas. Suddenly, he decided to say it to the only omega that should matter to him. Jaehyun bows his head and doesn't dare look at Taesan anymore — he feels undeserving of doing so.

"Anyways, thanks for the coffee," Taesan says, throwing his bag over his shoulder.

Jaehyun swallows drily. "Taesan-ah, I—"

"I won't bother you anymore, don't worry," he announces, anger seeping into his voice. "See you around."

Just like that, he walks away and leaves Jaehyun alone with his gross coffee and his mortified realization. He stays in that same place for the next minutes, mulling over his words and how much of an asshole he must've sounded to Taesan — the only person that, for the first time, saw him as something more than a pretty omega to be bred and paraded around like a trophy.

For someone that was proudly stating that he didn't care about Han Taesan, Jaehyun spent the whole week mulling over their conversation at the cafe. Not only because of all the atrocious things he said, but because of what Taesan told him too.

It was a nightmare in the shape of re-living their conversation in his free time and barely paying attention to classes because Taesan's disappointment and anger kept popping unwillingly in his head. Jaehyun wanted to seek after him, but he never had an argument like this with him before and he fears the other won't see or listen to him. He could've asked Riwoo for Taesan's number because he knows he has it, but he had the feeling that Taesan wouldn't even bother replying.

So for a whole week, Jaehyun kept giving answers to the things Taesan said that afternoon in the cafe. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I don't think you need an alpha. I don't think your way of living is not normal. You don't bother me. Jaehyun says it in his mind, not because he wants to believe in those words but because he means it. He means every single one of them.

Psychology of Music classes only happen on Tuesday, and they don't share any other classes so he could apologize to Taesan earlier and let him know all the things he's been keeping to himself since their argument. When Tuesday finally rolls around and Jaehyun comes to the lecture hall with anxiety and hopefulness in his heart, he's met with Taesan's absence from the chair next to his.

Once again, he can't quite focus on the lecture. Mind filling with what ifs that makes him unable to pay attention to whatever the professor is speaking about. What if Taesan dropped the class entirely to avoid him? What if Taesan hates him so much that he wants to cut him off? What if Taesan thinks he's one of those conservative omegas and never wants to see him again? All this makes Jaehyun feel awful, belly churning the coffee he downed quickly to get to class in time.

A small voice in the back of his head tries to tell him that he's overthinking and jumping into silly conclusions that are far from the truth, but Jaehyun can't get rid of the strange feeling at the pit of his stomach. Even though he doesn't like Taesan the way the omega wants him to, he thought that they could still be friends. He just wants a chance to explain things and apologize to him.

When the lecture ends, Jaehyun shoves his things in his bag and walks out. He has no plans for the day because he spent all his energy on making up scenarios of how his conversation with Taesan would go it they met in class. All that energy wasted on nothing. He walks to the campus entrance, phone in hand to send a text to Riwoo when he catches a glimpse of damp pink-blond hair.

"Taesan!" he calls out without thinking twice, pocketing his phone and jogging closer.

Both Taesan and the person next to him turn around to Jaehyun. He recognizes the guy talking to Taesan as Sungho, an architecture major that has the same age as him. He happens to be in one of Woonhak's classes which makes him someone that Riwoo knows and if Riwoo knows someone that means Jaehyun will know that person too. He had no idea Taesan knew Sungho, let alone be as close as they look.

"Why did you skip today's lecture?" Jaehyun asks as soon as he's standing in front of the pair. "I hope it's not because of—"

"Don't flatter yourself, Jaehyun," Taesan interrupts. Harsh words masked under a small smile that is supposed to soothe the pain. Jaehyun cringes at it, unable to hide how much being on the receiving end of Taesan's indifference hurts. "I had a tournament."

Jaehyun takes in his appearance. Hair damp on the ends like he just got out of the pool, cheeks a little pinkish from the hot shower he probably took, an oversized flannel shirt over his body, baggy jeans and his bag thrown over one shoulder. Taesan looks pretty as always, but Jaehyun can see the tiredness in his face — the telltale bags under his eyes, the lack of sparkle in them, the frown in his lips.

"Oh," Jaehyun blinks. "I had no idea."

"I was going to invite you but… You know," he shrugs, looking away. "I got second place so it wouldn't be that fun for you to watch."

It's another episode of coming to conclusions but Jaehyun can't help the feeling that Taesan got second place and looks tired because of him. It's his fault. All because of the argument he caused last week when they were supposed to have a nice conversation. Jaehyun can't bring himself to speak, fears that if he opens his mouth it'll get him into another unnecessary argument.

"Taesanie?" Sungho calls softly, breaking the heavy silence around them.

Jaehyun looks at the alpha, eyes darting back and forth between the omegas. It doesn't take a genius to notice the tense atmosphere, the unsaid things lingering in the air around. Jaehyun notices the way Sungho's hand is on Taesan's elbow, almost in a protective and soothing way, expected from an alpha. Sungho is shorter than Taesan, and stupidly pretty for an alpha and the little Jaehyun knows about him, Sungho is very cute when he wants to.

All things that Taesan likes — at least, things that Taesan said he likes about him.

The sight and thought of Sungho and Taesan being more than friends makes his insides twist in a way that almost has him puking on the pavement. It's ridiculous, not the idea of Taesan finding someone but Jaehyun feeling jealous of him. For the Goddess' sake, they are both omegas! If anything, Jaehyun should be feeling envious rather than jealous because Taesan found a future mate while he's still stuck with his own loneliness.

Yeah, that's it. He's not jealous, he's envious. Being an omega is all about competition with other omegas, is about envying one another, is about feeling his heart beating faster and hands sweating at the prospect of Taesan having an alpha that holds him and flirts back and acts protective and— Jaehyun shakes his head abruptly. He must be deeply confused, that's the only explanation to what he's feeling.

"Well, since you're already here, can you lend me your notes?" Taesan asks, turning back at Jaehyun with a smile. One that feels genuine, not the forced one he gave him a few minutes ago. "We can make a deal."

Jaehyun swallows. "A deal?"

"Yeah, I'll stop bothering you forever and you lend me your notes," he says, his voice more light and playful. It's almost like Sungho took away all the bitterness Taesan was feeling with that single touch to his elbow. "A win-win situation."

Jaehyun stares blankly at Taesan for a beat, mouth open like a fish out of water. Why does he keep saying that? What makes him think that Jaehyun was bothered in the first place? Stop bothering him? Jaehyun wants to cream that he was never bothered by him. Is that the reason why Taesan is acting this way, he thinks that Jaehyun feels uncomfortable around him because of their argument?

"No." Jaehyun shakes his head, ready to spill everything he rehearsed during the week. His eyes traitorously move to Sungho and he feels self-aware and really uncomfortable to speak. How is he supposed to apologize and pour his heart out when an alpha is right there to scrutinize him? "I don't wanna make this deal."

"Why?" Taesan frowns. "I thought you—"

"We can meet up for lunch and you can copy the notes," he says, cutting him off. Jaehyun offers a smile, but it's the type that makes his cheeks hurt from how much force he puts on it — unnatural, lacking any real feelings. "That's more fair. My treat again, Taesan-ah."

Taesan gives him a surprised look. "Why would you want to have lunch with me?"

"Please?" Jaehyun asks, sounding way more like a plea. He nervously glances at Sungho before closing his eyes and breathing out, "I just… I want to talk to you about what happened that day."

"You won't catch me saying no to free food," Taesan says after studying Jaehyun for what feels like the most excruciatingly long minute of the omega's life. "I gotta go now, ask Riwoo-hyung for my number so you can text me the time. See you later, Jaehyun."

Jaehyun watches him go with Sungho by his side towards the library. He watches Sungho get on his tip-toes and whisper something in Taesan's ear, watches Taesan shakes his head with a reassuring smile and gently wrap his hand around the alpha's wrist. Taesan has a wide and bright smile on his lips, the one that he usually showed to Jaehyun before he fucked up everything. Jaehyun watches all of it with a burning jealousy that can't be brushed aside as envy anymore.

If it's platonic and Jaehyun's desire for attention, he doesn't know yet. What he does know is that he doesn't want to be in Taesan's place, to be the omega that Sungho probably has eyes for. No, Jaehyun wants to be in Sungho's place, to be the only one Han Taesan smiles and touches and has eyes for.

Grabbing lunch together turned into grabbing dinner because Taesan had a few classes left and it's not like Jaehyun will make him skip them just because he wants to talk and spend time alone with the omega in order to quench down the jealousy inside him. With nervousness eating him alive, Jaehyun waits until six and makes it to the restaurant with more minutes to spare than it'd be considered not looking desperate. He chooses a table fairly close to the kitchen and lets the aroma of food and spices calm him down while he waits.

han taesan

finishing class

be there in 5

sorry!

Jaehyun stares at the message, nibbling at his thumb nail. It's been fifteen minutes since Taesan sent that message and there's still no sight of him. Every time Jaehyun sees someone walking nearby, he raises his head expectantly only to be met with a stranger or one of the waiters. He's almost tempted to send a text, but he doesn't want to look desperate or to give Taesan hopes — is it even right to think that way when Taesan probably lost interest in him?

He can't stop thinking about Taesan with that alpha ever since he saw it, which makes it a few hours ago. But in those hours, all Jaehyun could think about was the way Taesan softened and brightened when Sungho called and touched him. Jaehyun never picked up an alpha scent on Taesan before, so it could only mean that they recently started seeing each other, but it doesn't make sense to him.

A week ago Taesan was all over him, and now he supposedly has an alpha interested in him. Jaehyun can't grasp it, but not for the reasons he thought.

He should be content because Taesan will finally stop flirting with him and Jaehyun can go back to how his life was before, but why does the thought of this happening doesn't make him feel relieved? If anything, he feels almost miserable. Not because he'll lose Taesan's friendship, no. Something deep down tells him that even if Taesan has someone, they still can be friends. Still, something bothers him, something that remains nameless for the moment.

Suddenly, a smell catches his attention. Not from the food and spices he's been basking on for the last minutes. Jaehyun recognizes the smell even if he hasn't smelled it more than a few times in small doses. Bergamot and musk, a smell that came to be tied to a pink-blond-haired omega.

Jaehyun raises his head in time to see Taesan walking to their table. He's slightly flushed, hair tousled and a little breathless, a clear indicator that he came running to the restaurant. Jaehyun regrets not choosing a place close to campus. Taesan smiles at him and takes the adjacent chair, letting his bag hit the ground and catching his breath.

"Hey," he breathes out, a sheepish smile. "Sorry I'm late. I swear I wanted to be here on time but I crossed paths with the coach and she held me back because she wanted to talk about my performance in today's tournament and— Yeah, anyways, sorry."

"No worries," Jaehyun smiles back, a little shy. He has never seen Taesan ramble this much, and he has to hold back how endeared he feels. "I already ordered. Do you like Zhajiangmian?"

Taesan shakes his head, brows slightly furrowed. "Never had Zhajiangmian, but I trust you."

The way he says it sounds deeper than called for the situation. I trust you, and Jaehyun doesn't know if he should search for meanings behind that or if it's only a comment that he trusts Jaehyun's taste for Chinese food. He shakes his head and points to the plate in front of Taesan.

"Hope you like it," he says, taking a bite of his own. "But if you don't, I ordered Dumplings too. They'll be here in no time."

Taesan nods, taking the chopsticks and tasting it. He seems to like the food by the way he eats if faster, eyes closed after the first mouthful. Jaehyun watches him eat, bewitched by how pretty he looks. It feels strangely familiar, like Jaehyun has been in this situation before. Looking at Taesan makes him feel comfortable, in ways that he rarely felt while having dinner with alphas in the past. Everything feels so different with Taesan, and that scares him.

"So…" Taesan props his arms on the table and learns forward. "What do you want to talk about that day?"

Straight to the point, never beating around the bush because Taesan likes to make things painfully obvious. Jaehyun smiles because that's one of the things that he came to like about the omega. Now, that same straightforwardness makes him nervous. Jaehyun usually avoids face to face confrontations because he usually stumbles on his words and feels overwhelmed, but he can't run away from it this time.

Taesan deserves an apology for everything that was said, and Jaehyun is the only one that can give that to him.

Jaehyun takes a sip of his coke. "Yeah, I—"

The words die on his tongue before he can push them out. His mind goes blank, every rehearsed word disappearing. Jaehyun looks away before Taesan can notice it, eyes stopping on a family sitting at a table nearby. He noticed them when they got there, eyes softening at the sight of the parents with a small child and a future one on the way by the looks of it.

Jaehyun watches the omega trying to placate the child as they whine about something, moving the food around with the chopsticks instead of eating. Both women look so young, but they seem to be doing quite a nice job at raising that child. Jaehyun doesn't see a matching mark on their exposed necks which could only mean that the couple must be made of two omegas — he knows that omegas can't mark each other permanently like alphas and betas can.

The pregnant omega must feel his gaze on them because she looks up and their eyes meet briefly before she looks away. In that split second, Jaehyun felt seen beyond his soul, like that woman understood him better than his own mother ever could. Jaehyun watches the couple for a few more seconds before moving his eyes back to Taesan.

This time, he's more confident of what he wants to say.

"I wanted to apologize for the things I said at the cafe," he starts, using the chopsticks to move the remaining food in his plate like a child. "I don't think you and your feeling are wrong, or that you need an alpha to be happy, or that the way you live your life isn't normal. And you don't bother me, Taesan."

Taesan blinks, surprise written all over his face. "Wow, I wasn't expecting you to have a change of heart this soon."

"It's not a change of heart, I just— I don't really understand you and the reason why you like me when you could have any alpha you want," Jaehyun explains, sighing. "But that's something for me to deal with on my own, and not throw my frustrations and confusion on you like I did that day."

"I'm not angry at you or anything, so don't worry," Taesan says, letting out a snort. He mimics Jaehyun playing with the food, but his plate is empty and he's only moving around the rest of the sauce. "You're not the first to tell me those things, and you probably won't be the last," he mutters, almost like he doesn't want Jaehyun to hear.

"That's the problem, I never wanted to say those things to you," Jaehyun hastily says, feeling desperate. He doesn't want Taesan to think badly of him, he doesn't want to be seen as another conservative and prejudiced omega. "That conversation went completely wrong. I'm really sorry, Taesan."

"Hyung, it's okay," he sighs, putting one hand on top of Jaehyun's fidgety ones. The touch is warm and comforting — and even if Jaehyun still doesn't feel worthy, he accepts it because he's greedy. "I was angry that day and it hurt a little to hear those things coming from you, but I'm fine now."

"Can we still be friends?" Jaehyun asks, biting his lip.

"You want to be friends?" Taesan snickers, eyebrows up in surprise.

"Well, I don't have a lot of omega friends and you're the first one that doesn't see me as competition," he trails off, eyes on the hand still on top of his. Taesan seems to take that as a hint to pull away, hand leaving Jaehyun's as soon as he notices. Jaehyun shakes his head and tries not to sulk, looking back at the omega with a smile. "I really like you, Taesan."

"Not like I want you to," Taesan mumbles, eyes fixed on the table. Jaehyun pretends he doesn't hear that. "But we can be friends, sure."

"You don't sound that excited about being friends," he points out, tilting his head.

"You just dumped me, twice in a month. The first time was bad, but now you put me in the friend zone," Taesan snorts, and it sounds like a joke but Jaehyun feels self-aware of how the conversation sounded.

Even when he has no intention of hurting Taesan, he ends up doing it anyways.

Jaehyun looks down, shy. "Sorry, I—"

"I'm just joking," he continues, cutting Jaehyun off before he could come up with an apology. He's almost grateful because he already spent all his creativity coming up with his first apology. There's a smile on Taesan's face when Jaehyun raises his head to look. "We can be friends, Jaehyun-hyung. It's not like I'll have feelings for you for the rest of my life."

"I hope you don't," Jaehyun smiles back, eyes widening when he notices how blunt his words sounded — like salt on an open wound. "I mean, you deserve someone who will like you back, you know. And it doesn't matter if that person is an omega or a beta, or even an alpha. Not that I think you like alphas because of what you said that day, and—"

"You're so awkward," Taesan laughs, fascinated by Jaehyun's sudden rambling. "It's cute, hyung."

"Stop calling me cute," he huffs, feeling his cheeks burning at the compliment.

"How can I when you're naturally cute, hyung?" Taesan coos, a honest and teasing smile plastered on his face. "Don't make me fall more for you when you just put me in the friend zone."

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. "Shut up."

Taesan laughs more after that, but Jaehyun doesn't mind. The part of him that gets embarrassed is not a match to the part that is happy to see Taesan smiling and acting a little more like himself again — or as close to what Jaehyun has come to know as Taesan's self. They're on good terms and it seems like a friendship can grow between them with time. Yet something bothers him.

Jaehyun can't explain but a bunch of things tonight starts to bother him. It's the family sitting close to them and the way the pregnant omega looked at him almost as if she could see his soul. It's the way Taesan looks in the dim lights of the restaurant, eyes twinkling, earrings glinting in the light, fluffy hair looking like cotton candy, his pretty smile that makes his eyes close. Last but not least, the scent that he can smell over the food and the blocker patch on Taesan's neck.

Usually, omegas are indifferent to other omegas' smell. Jaehyun has been around a bunch of omegas throughout his life and he never gave much attention to their scents despite the initial comment about it. But the way Taesan smells tonight, sweet but tangy, it's so enticing that it makes Jaehyun's omega reacts strongly to it.

He wants to lean into the scent, to press his nose on Taesan's scent gland and smell it better because the patch is on the way and he craves it in its fullness. Jaehyun wants to press his mouth into it, to press his teeth until he leaves a mark very close to a mating one. He wants to feel Taesan's scent stuck into his skin to the point that people will wonder what they are. The thought alone leaves him strangely flustered and aroused.

Jaehyun desperately needs to get laid — that's the only explanation to him thinking such things about another omega.

A conversation sparks between them after that, along with a new order of dumplings. It doesn't feel forced when they talk about the campus cafeteria food or Taesan's swimming tournament or Jaehyun's next dance class. It feels like friends catching up after a week away, and the feeling of being able to talk to Taesan like this makes Jaehyun feel at ease. He almost dreads when the moment to part ways comes, a call on Taesan's phone signaling the end of their dinner.

"I'll give them back to you on Tuesday, okay?" Taesan says, hugging Jaehyun's notebook against his chest. He wasn't able to copy the notes because they got lost in conversations, but Jaehyun told him to take the notes home and bring it back to him.

"You will be there, right?" Jaehyun asks, slightly worried — not over the notebook, but over the possibility of Taesan not showing up again and making it obvious that they can't be friends like he initially thought.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss classes unless something important happened," he says, stopping at the corner of the street where they will part ways as soon as the conversation ends. Jaehyun doesn't want it to end. "You're not getting rid of me yet, hyung."

It sounds like a promise, and Jaehyun hopes that Taesan means it.

"It's not that, it's…" Jaehyun shakes his head, unable to say what's really prompting his initial worry. It's too soon, and it's not like he has the courage to speak it. So, he lets it wither and turn into crumble. He points at the notebook with his head and says, "Don't forget to copy them. I won't lend it again."

"I wish he'd let us use computers instead of writing things down like we're in the 80s," Taesan complains, no different from all the students in this class. Mr. Kwan is a firm believer that if he had to take notes using paper and pen back when he was in college, so can his students. "Thanks, hyung. I'll see you around."

"Bye, Taesan-ah," Jaehyun says. "Take care."

Taesan smiles and waves, turning his back and walking to his own apartment. Jaehyun doesn't know much about it, he only knows Taesan hated the dorms and wanted space for his instruments and private studio — at least, according to what Woonhak told him a long time ago. Jaehyun watches the omega disappear in the bright streets, ignoring the urge to walk Taesan home because he's alone and smelling way too enticing to whatever noses.

Jaehyun shakes his head. What a stupid thought! Just because Taesan is an omega doesn't mean he can't take care of himself. He's tall and has broad shoulders and can totally take down an alpha if he wanted to. Taesan isn't fragile nor weak, and Jaehyun feels pathetic for thinking that he needs to be protected by another omega. Jaehyun is not an alpha, he shouldn't be feeling this protective over Taesan.

He heads for the subway station and tries not to think about all the thoughts that popped in his head tonight.

Every Saturday Woonhak throws a little hangout in his shared apartment with Riwoo. It's not really a party although it looks like one because of the speaker blasting whatever is in his playlist and the free booze that Jaehyun has no idea where the younger gets the money for — something tells him that Riwoo pays for everything, being a goner for his boyfriend and coming from old money. Usually, Jaehyun becomes the life of the party and enjoys spending time with their friends and some strangers that later become acquaintances.

But that's not the case tonight. For the first time since Woonhak started this little habit of theirs, Jaehyun is hanging on the kitchen with an untouched cup of fruit punch and not feeling at all the trap playlist that Woonhak is blasting. The apartment smells too strongly of alphas and Jaehyun doesn't recognize some of the new faces. It feels overwhelming and he's tempted to leave, but he never left until Riwoo demanded everyone to be out and it feels strange to do so.

Jaehyun doesn't know why he feels so out of place tonight, but he has the feeling that it's all Taesan's fault — like most things lately.

Ever since the dinner, they haven't seen each other but that doesn't mean that Jaehyun stopped thinking about the omega. Something inside him yearns to search for Taesan on the music department, only to take a glimpse of him and maybe a whiff of his scent. His nose has absentmindedly searched for the bergamot and musk scent lately, sniffing it around like a dog trying to find its owner.

Maybe Taesan was right when he said that Jaehyun looks like a puppy wanting to be adopted, he's been feeling like one without Taesan around.

It's so stupid and nonsensical. Jaehyun and Taesan are supposed to be friends, but he never felt this way over his friends. He doesn't go around yearning to see Riwoo or Leehan or Woonhak, nor does he search for their scents on campus like his life depends on it. Sure Jaehyun misses them when they spend a long time away, but it hasn't even been a whole week since he saw Taesan and his heart clenches at the thought of Tuesday taking too long to come. And the worst of it all is that Jaehyun can't understand why he's acting that way.

Taesan is his friend, an omega on top of that, and he probably has someone interested in him. Jaehyun shouldn't be acting this weird over an omega friend.

That's another thing that's been bothering him too, Taesan's relationship with Sungho. He couldn't get much from the interaction he saw that day at campus, but it was enough for a jealousy attack — something that Jaehyun hasn't felt in a really long time. He didn't have the courage to ask about it to Taesan and he knows that he never will. Asking means being interested and being interested means Taesan thinking that he has a chance.

A small part of Jaehyun wants Taesan to think that he has a chance, wants to make that chance became a reality but he doesn't let it spread because he's afraid of himself and the future that accepting Taesan's feelings for him entails.

"You don't look like you're enjoying yourself," Riwoo says, stopping right in front of him with a cup of his own with nothing alcoholic. His nails are painted pink and there's too many rings on his fingers, but the sight feels like a light on the end of the tunnel. It brings familiarity where Jaehyun has been feeling only strangeness.

"What?" he shakes his head, huffing out, "I'm having a blast!"

"You're a terrible liar," Riwoo snorts, leaving his cup on the kitchen island and looking back at Jaehyun with crossed arms. "You've been here for the last thirty minutes holding the same cup that I haven't seen you drink from since Woonhak handed it to you."

"That sounds very stalker of you," Jaehyun jokes, raising a brow. "If you weren't in a relationship, I'd believe that you're trying to get in my pants."

"You're full of crap," he smiles, fangs showing up. Jaehyun laughs, feeling better now that he's out of his head. "Besides, it's my job to keep an eye on you on parties that Woonhak throw. I don't like the alphas he's hanging out with lately."

"Why?" Jaehyun asks. So it seems that the new faces are indeed new, and if Riwoo has something against them then it means something serious. Jaehyun learned with time that whenever Riwoo doesn't like someone, that someone is not to be trusted.

"They think omegas are lesser beings and only meant to be bred," he grimaces, looking at the group of alphas on the living room, all of them talking and laughing too loudly. "I don't fuck with that type of mentality."

"Good to know that you don't think I'm a lesser being." Jaehyun puts a hand on his shoulder, playfully. "I don't like the alphas around here neither."

"Did something happen?" Riwoo asks, his face contorting into worry. "You look way too into your head, and I don't believe it's because of the assholes Woonhak invited."

Jaehyun knows that it's impossible to hide anything from Riwoo, especially since the alpha had the strange power of knowing every little thing that goes on in Jaehyun's head. Still, he doesn't want to worry him over something stupid like his confusing feelings for Taesan or his curiosity over the omega's relationship with Sungho. This is a party and Riwoo should be de-stressing from the week instead of having more added to his plate.

"It's nothing," he says, and tries to sound as convincing as he can.

"You can't lie to me, I know you too well," Riwoo says, his face more serious as he studies Jaehyun's stiff body. "Do you wanna leave so we can talk somewhere more private?"

"It's nothing serious, I promise," Jaehyun smiles. He really doesn't want to cause a commotion, nor worry Riwoo. "I just…"

"What?"

He realizes that he's not ready to confess his doubts about himself and his feelings, not even to his best friend that has been open and supportive this whole time. It's way too difficult to speak out loud, especially in the small kitchen with a bunch of alphas in the living room and the music playing and all the scents making him scrunch his nose. Jaehyun can't say it yet, so he chooses the easiest route.

"Do you know Park Sungho?"

"Park Sungho? Woonhak's architecture major friend?" Riwoo asks, eyebrows slightly furrowed at the strange question. "Or are we talking about another Park Sungho? Because I believe there's gotta be at least five dudes with that same name and surname in our campus alone."

"It's the first one," Jaehyun says. "No need to bring out all the Park Sunghos from our campus."

"What about him?" he asks, still confused by the correlation between Park Sungho and Jaehyun's behavior for the night. "If you're interested in him, I can try to let him know but I don't think—"

"I'm not interested in him." Jaehyun hastily announces, sounding almost desperate. He really doesn't need his best friend to think that he's into an alpha that he considers a competition at the moment — since when Jaehyun decided that alphas are his opponents instead of candidates? "Besides, I don't think he's available because that's what I want to ask you. I saw Sungho and Taesan on campus and they looked very close, and I was wondering if they might be… you know."

"I know what?" Riwoo asks, and he sounds even more confused. "Going out? Dating?"

"I don't think it's that serious, they didn't look like they're dating yet," he muses. It was really impossible for them to be dating because Taesan still likes him. "They looked more like they're…"

"Fucking? Fooling around? Sleeping together?" Riwoo cuts him off, saying exactly what Jaehyun didn't have the courage to say.

"Yeah, yeah. No need to say it three times, I understood in the first one," he says, unable to hold back a grimace at the thought of Taesan and Sungho sleeping together. It makes his stomach churn, like he could vomit on the kitchen sink at any minute.

"You're looking a little green, Jaehyunie," Riwoo points out, laughing. "Does Taesan and Sungho fucking makes you disgusted? I thought you were an advocate to omegas and alphas being together."

"It's not that," Jaehyun huffs out, rolling his eyes. "Can you answer my question?"

"You haven't made one to begin with," he laughs again, turning to the fridge and taking a cold water bottle. He opens it and hands it to Jaehyun, but the omega simply shakes his head. Jaehyun fears that he'll really vomit if he drinks the water after whatever answer Riwoo is about to give him. "No, they're not fucking. They're flatmates and Sungho is pretty much romantically unavailable. I think he still fucks around when he's frustrated but I don't believe Taesan is one of his flings."

"Too much information," Jaehyun says. He hopes the relief doesn't show on his face, because he couldn't be feeling more relieved at knowing that Taesan is still single. "But now I'm curious. Why is Sungho unavailable?"

"Sungho is head over heels for Leehan, but he's so oblivious to his attempts," Riwoo says, leaving the water bottle next to his cup on the island.

"Leehan?" Jaehyun gapes, surprised. As long as he remembers, Leehan has never once shown interest in anyone, let alone Park Sungho. "But I thought Leehan was too focused on his studies to be dating."

"I didn't say they're dating, I said Sungho wants to date him," he corrects, index finger tapping Jaehyun's nose and startling him. "It's kinda funny. Leehan acts like Sungho is a nice alpha friend, meanwhile Sungho is about to pass out whenever Leehan holds his wrist."

"Wow, I never thought I'd see the day an alpha would be this down for Leehanie," Jaehyun comments, mostly to keep Riwoo distracted and not bring back the initial topic.

Just like usual, Jaehyun doesn't want to talk about Han Taesan but because of different reasons this time.

"Anyways, why are you asking about Sungho and Taesan?" Riwoo stares at Jaehyun, back to dissecting him, a grin blooming on his face as he adds, "Are you perhaps jealous?"

And no matter how much Jaehyun tries, he won't be able to lie or run away from the truth that Riwoo has already seen under his useless mask of nonchalance. So, with his defenses down and going to the battlefield with nothing but his sagged and defeated body, Jaehyun decides to be honest for the first time in a long time — to himself and to Riwoo.

"What if I am?" he asks. "They seemed very lovey-dovey and way too close for an alpha and an omega, and I…" Jaehyun trails off, cheeks burning at this point. He can't even blame on being drunk because he hasn't took a single sip from whatever is in his cup, and Riwoo knows that.

"Wait." Riwoo gapes, eyes widened. This clearly wasn't the answer he was expecting, and Jaehyun regrets not lying because now he'll be dealing with a way worse conversation. "Wait, are you serious? You really got jealous after seeing them?"

"I— Yes," Jaehyun groans, pushing his hair back with his free hand. "I got jealous and I don't know what to do with that information. This is a nightmare."

"A nightmare? This is a dream come true, Jaehyunie!" he says, strangely excited. The last time Jaehyun saw him like this was when Woonhak asked him on a date. "Well, at least for Taesanie."

"You're not being of any help," Jaehyun says, wanting to dig a hole and crawl into it like a worm.

"I thought you were hopeless but you never fail to surprise me," Riwoo says, not batting an eye to what Jaehyun said. "If you weren't an omega and my best friend, I would kiss you on the mouth."

"Please, don't," he says, peeking over Riwoo's shoulder to the group of alphas. "Woonhak would break his beer bottle in my head if you did that."

"I can't believe it," Riwoo continues, shaking his head in amusement. "You actually like Taesan."

A very dangerous statement because Jaehyun has never said such a thing. Sure he wants to be around Taesan and he likes his scent and company, even if they only see each other during an one hour class, and he felt jealous when an alpha was too close and he felt very protective over Taesan that night after dinner but none of that means that he likes Taesan like that, right?

Jaehyun feels sick all over again, this time because he has no idea what his feelings for Taesan are.

"I said I got jealous and not that I like him," he replies because he's panicking inside and he's confused and scared. Jaehyun glares at Riwoo's overjoyed face and says, "And don't you dare tell anyone, not even Woonhak. Just the thought of telling you is making me sick."

"Your secret is safe with me, Jaehyunie," Riwoo promises, one hand over his heart. He looks so proud, like Jaehyun just graduated with honors or found the cure to a disease — Jaehyun feels embarrassed all over again. "But tell me, do you like him?"

A question with no answer, at least not one that Jaehyun can give yet. He likes Taesan, he knows he does because he wouldn't be spending so much time thinking about someone that he doesn't like, nor would he suffer like he did when they had that argument. But that doesn't mean he likes Taesan romantically, and he knows that Riwoo's question wants an answer leaning to that aspect. Jaehyun is not completely empty-handed, but he doesn't want to show what's in his grip.

"I… I don't know," he says, honestly. "It's way too complicated and I'm not ready to face it."

"Well, you better start thinking about it because Taesan won't be waiting forever," Riwoo says. "God knows how long he waited for a maybe coming from you."

That doesn't make him feel any better — if anything, Jaehyun feels nauseous again because he can't phantom the idea of taking too long and Taesan deciding that he waited for long enough and giving up when Jaehyun finally has an answer.

"I'll think about it," Jaehyun mumbles. "Now stop smiling like you just won the lottery, it'll draw suspicions."

"I believe we have to celebrate this moment." Riwoo claps his hands together, taking the cup from Jaehyun's grip and throwing the stale liquid on the sink. "I'll get you something better to drink."

Jaehyun doesn't feel like there's anything to be celebrated other than his demise.

The next time Jaehyun sees Taesan, it's almost like breathing oxygen after being underwater for long and horrifying minutes. Jaehyun can't help the way he orbits around Taesan, sticking close to the omega from the beginning of the class until the end. It's silly how much his inner omega loves it, even if Taesan hasn't done anything since the moment they saw each other. Jaehyun still doesn't know what to do with these feelings and haven't thought much on it because he feels weird.

Taesan's scent is stronger this time, to the point that everyone around can feel it. It takes a single glance in the omega's direction to know that his heat is close. Jaehyun notices the flushed cheeks and the feverish glint in those honey-brown eyes. The other omega acts like usual despite that, smiling and throwing remarks and jokes at everything. And if he notices the alphas and betas glancing at him, he doesn't mention it or even acknowledges it.

But that doesn't mean Jaehyun acts the same way. He feels strangely protective over the omega, annoyed at whoever he catches staring at Taesan for too long. He feels like telling them to stop looking and maybe rub his scent on Taesan to hide his own. He should be the only one smelling the bergamot and musk, and it makes him angry. Jaehyun wants that scent all to himself.

And once again, he barely pays attention to the lecture. At this point, he'll probably fail the class because he knows Taesan doesn't take that many notes and Jaehyun hates asking for it. But can he be blamed? Taesan is sitting right next to him, the scent and warmth radiating off his body and affecting Jaehyun more than he thought it'd be possible. Their knees touch whenever they move and it sends a bolt of electricity through Jaehyun's body.

This is no good, but Jaehyun doesn't want to put space between them or push Taesan away. If anything, he wants Taesan to be closer — he wants to melt under the warmth and drown in the strong scent that he yearned to smell before.

"Are you okay?" Taesan asks once they're out of the lecture hall. "You look a little out of it."

There's genuine concern in Taesan's eyes and Jaehyun feels terrible. In his quest to stop his body and mind from accidentally doing something stupid like taking Taesan on his arms and running away from the building, he didn't notice that his silence and strange behavior could come off as him feeling bothered by Taesan's closeness.

"Just tired, couldn't sleep well the past night because of an assignment," he lies through his teeth, but that doesn't seem all that convincing by the way Taesan looks at him with a raised brow. Jaehyun smiles at him and bumps into his shoulder. "You look different too."

Taesan frowns. "How come?"

"You're not flirting all the time," Jaehyun says, with a playfulness underneath it. He doesn't want Taesan to get the wrong idea and think that he hated the flirts.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable since we're friends and all." He gives Jaehyun a close-mouthed smile, eyes on the hall ahead. "I don't flirt that much with my friends, you know?"

"You never made me uncomfortable, Taesan," Jaehyun supplies, loud and clear so that Taesan can hear.

Taesan turns to him and stops at the entrance, looking down to meet his eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that you can't lie for shit?"

Jaehyun wants to answer with a snarky remark or tell him that Riwoo says the same thing but less bluntly, he can't. Something takes hold of him as he looks into Taesan's eyes. The hall is full of students, talking with friends as they put jackets and books and notebooks in their bags, some are hurrying through the cobblestone paths to their classes, others are leaving the hall to finally go home or to other departments or even to some evening plans.

He couldn't care less about any of those things because it feels like it's just the two of them — Jaehyun and Taesan, looking at each other, lips sealed in words that can be conveyed in other ways. Jaehyun knows that he should say or do something but he's never been like this before with Taesan and he doesn't know what it's expected of him. In his mind, all thoughts are about how beautiful Taesan looks, how nice he smells and how he really wants to scent him like an alpha would do to an omega.

His body decides to move on its own after that last thought. With a hand on Taesan's hips, he pulls the omega closer without caring about the eyes that can see this private moment of theirs. Taesan's eyes widen in surprise as he leans down, and Jaehyun has to fight the desire to kiss him. He never wanted to kiss someone this much, and it scares him enough for him to stop from doing it. To quench the desire, he buries his face in Taesan's neck and inhales it deeply, like indulging in the forbidden fruit.

The warmth, the scent, the weight on his hand, the closeness — it's pulling him in, filling his mind with the deepest of desires. It makes him dizzy to the point that he feels his lips opening and his tongue dangerously close to the sweaty skin. All Jaehyun needs to do is lick, taste Taesan like he's desperate to do.

"Jaehyun…" Taesan calls, a little breathless. "Hyung, why are you smelling me?"

The question pulls Jaehyun back to reality, his body tensing like he got caught doing something that he shouldn't. What just happened? What the hell was he even thinking? What took over him because Jaehyun couldn't be in his right mind to do what he just did. He moves away in a jolt, face warming up like he's the one going through heat symptoms.

"Fuck," he says under his breath, looking at Taesan and expecting anger and disgust in his face. What he really sees is confusion and amusement, and very flushed cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Taesan-ah. I—"

"Is it that strong?" Taesan says, flustered. It's strange to see him like that, embarrassed by a situation that Jaehyun caused. It shouldn't be weird because they're both omegas — but Jaehyun scenting him in public isn't very friendly. "Woonhak told me he could smell me from the fashion department when he went there to see Riwoo-hyung, but I thought he was joking."

"You shouldn't be out smelling like this if your heat is about to start," Jaehyun admonishes.

"But it's not about to start," he frowns, taking the omega's words as scolding. "And why shouldn't I? I feel completely fine."

"You said it yourself, Woonhak could smell you from the fashion department and if he did, any alpha could too."

"So you think I should be locked in my apartment just because a bunch of assholes can't keep their hands to themselves?" Taesan folds his arms over his chest, the frown on his face deepening. "I wanna see them try, because I'm ready to kick some asses."

Jaehyun feels like kicking himself because he's been doing and saying the wrong things since the moment he saw Taesan early that morning. How come his scent could render him pathetic like this? He already messed it up by the public display of scenting, and now he wants to make things worse by accidentally saying conservative stuff. It's not that he wants to spill traditional bullshit, it's just that he can help but worry.

He doesn't want anyone to see or touch Taesan, he feels like growling at anyone who as much as look at Taesan in the wrong way or with lust dripping from their eyes. Jaehyun knows he must sound like one of those toxic alphas, and that makes him rethink. He has no right to Taesan, and he knows Taesan can protect himself better than anyone.

A nonsensical desire to mark Taesan and make it obvious to anyone that he belongs to him crosses Jaehyun's mind, but he pushes it away as quick as he can. He already has too much on his plate when he can barely open his mouth to eat, he doesn't need more.

"It's not what I meant," he says, taking a deep breath. "I know you can take care of yourself, Taesan-ah."

"Then stop acting like I can't," Taesan retorts, sounding annoyed.

"I'm sorry, I'm still learning to let go of old habits." Jaehyun raises his hands in surrender, hoping the comment makes Taesan less annoyed. It works because the frown slowly softens. "When is your heat due?"

"In a few days, maybe by the end of the week," he shrugs.

It's Jaehyun's time to frown. "But the smell is so strong."

"It's because my heats are intense and last a little longer than most," Taesan explains vaguely, one hand flying to his neck to cover it — the same place where Jaehyun was before, where he almost licked the skin, where he wants to leave a mark. "I applied the patch but it's not working."

"That's tough," he says, eyes trained on the hand covering the neck.

A thought crosses his mind momentarily, more like a memory than an actual thought. Back when he was trying to understand Taesan's feelings for him, he used to think that the other omega was attracted to omegas because his heats aren't bad enough for him to yearn for an alpha. Jaehyun has fairly normal heats, nothing that makes it impossible for him to function properly; but he knows that Leehan has intense heats and how troublesome all of it is. And with this new information, Jaehyun feels stupid because Taesan has been suffering more than anyone else and still kept yearning for him instead of an alpha.

Jaehyun is on the way to finally understand where his own feelings stand.

"It's nothing I can't handle alone, hyung," Taesan smiles. "You don't need to pity me. I've been dealing with it for years now."

"I—" Jaehyun starts, but stops and think of a better wording until he comes up with, "Can I walk you home?"

"Here it comes," Taesan groans, throwing his head in the air before looking at Jaehyun with that same annoyed glint in his eyes. "Hyung, I don't need an escort. I can handle myself just fine."

"It's not like that, trust me," he explains. "Think about it, if you're not alone then it's less likely that you'll get in a situation where you need to kick someone's ass."

And I can make sure that no alpha will try to take what it's mine, it's what he leaves unsaid. The words take him by surprise because Jaehyun knows that if he wasn't bewitched by Taesan's scent, he'd never think such a thing of a fellow omega.

"Never thought you cared this much about me," Taesan teases, his face softening.

"I care, Taesan," Jaehyun admits. His eyes go wide as saucers when he notices how easily it came out and how strange it must sound. "Don't make it weird."

"Too late," Taesan giggles. "I'll be telling everyone that you care about me to the point of escorting me home."

Jaehyun shakes his head and almost regrets admitting such a thing, but he already did and said so many wrong things in the span of a few hours next to Taesan that he decides to not care. All that is left is pray that he won't say or do anything stupid in the time they'll spend alone while walking to Taesan's home.

Because the Goddess knows that Jaehyun has been facing trials and tribulations that he never had to deal with before, and he'd rather go through excruciating pain than cause Taesan any trouble thanks to the conflicting feelings he's been dealing with lately.

Taesan's apartment is not far from the campus, which makes Jaehyun incredibly envious because he has to ride the subway for half an hour every morning and night. Taesan laughed when he said that, telling him that if he didn't have a roommate already, he'd be more than happy to give the spare room to Jaehyun — and the thought of them living together in a place almost twenty-four hours every day got him shivering.

"You never told me you live with Sungho-ssi," Jaehyun says, turning from the main street to a far less crowded alley.

"Really?" Taesan asks, and Jaehyun answers with a nod. "Well, it's almost like I'm living alone anyways. Sungho-hyung is rarely home, always at campus studying or working on project. Architects, always so weirdly dedicated."

Jaehyun doesn't have any friends majoring in architecture, but back when he used to share a room in the campus dorms with Leehan, he had to watch the younger comes and goes to the labs at strange hours of the day. It sure must be tiring to be this dedicated to a major, but he finds it incredible. Not that he's not dedicated to his own, but he's not anywhere near close to Leehan or Sungho.

"He's an alpha," he says, matter-of-factly. "Doesn't it get difficult when you're in heat and everything?"

"Sungho-hyung would never touch me unless I asked. I would trust him with my life," Taesan answers, words dripping with an honesty that can't be brushed aside. If Jaehyun wasn't aware of their relationship, he would feel jealous. "He likes someone else, I think you know him. Kim Leehan from the science department. Sungho-hyung has been simping over him for months but it never leads anywhere. I sort of get him."

"I didn't mean like this," Jaehyun says. He promptly ignores the part where Taesan gets the one-sided attraction because of his own experience. "Isn't it difficult for you? I know we already talked about it and you don't like alphas like that, but during heats we don't really think very rationally."

"I would be lying if I said I never thought about it." Taesan kicks a pebble on the pavement, sounding thoughtful. "It'd be easy to ask him to fuck me, but would that help in the long run? We don't like each other like that and I don't want to be with him."

"You got a point," Jaehyun mutters, looking down at their feet walking together almost in sync.

"Hyung, can I hold your hand?" Taesan smiles and reaches his hand out to Jaehyun.

Jaehyun startles, looking at the open palm in his direction. "Why?"

"Because I want to, but we don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable."

Jaehyun obliges without thinking twice after hearing that, taking Taesan's hand in his own. It's damp and a little slippery because of his nervousness, and he hopes Taesan doesn't mind it — he doubts the omega cares by the way he smiles and grips it tightly. Jaehyun gets distracted by how warm and soft Taesan's hands feel, bigger than his, engulfing his own in a way that looks right.

"Do you still like me?" Jaehyun asks without noticing, words coming out in sheer curiosity.

"Does it matter?" Taesan mumbles. The grip falters for a second, so Jaehyun holds it as tight as he can so Taesan can't pull away. He's not ready to let go, not now that he got a taste of it.

"I wasn't lying when I said that it didn't bother me when you flirted," he says, feeling his chest tighten as he looks at Taesan. It's so easy to admit the truth that he's been avoiding for so long. "I think I—"

Jaehyun cuts himself off before the confession comes out. He still can't do it, he still can't admit to himself or to Taesan, or to anyone else. He looks at Taesan and it feels a little too real, a little too much. This beautiful and bright and sweet omega has liked him all this time, without giving a damn if it was going to be reciprocated someday. Taesan bet on a hopeless crush, expecting nothing in return. Jaehyun feels sick, he's nothing but a coward that tried to push away and said terrible things to Taesan out of fear.

He knows he can't go back in time and change all the mistakes he made, but he's willing to not repeat them in the future from now on.

They stop walking, mostly because Jaehyun stopped and Taesan didn't feel like pulling him, but they don't let go of their hands. Jaehyun gets possessed by the same desire from before, to pull Taesan closer and kiss him senseless. When was the last time he even felt like kissing someone? He doesn't remember, but he doubts it was like what he's feeling right now. He wants to throw caution to the wind and do whatever he wants because Jaehyun never took anything in this life and he wants to take something for the first time.

It happens like that moment back in the hall. Jaehyun's body acts on its own, but now he has a little more control over it. He pulls Taesan closer by the grip on his hand and leans in the omega's personal space for a kiss. It's brief, nothing more than a press of lips because Jaehyun doesn't know what to do with the desire inside of him.

Jaehyun wants to kiss Taesan properly, wants to feel him and to take it. But not like this, not out of surprise and hastiness and unthought actions, not when Taesan feels more like a statue in front of him than a man made of flesh and bones. He pulls back, watching the omega's eyes flutter open, wide in disbelief. Jaehyun feels a strange mix of wanting to laugh and wanting to run away.

"Did you just—" Taesan stops, too baffled to even speak what happened. "Did you kiss me?"

"Y-yes," Jaehyun stutters. "I kissed you."

"Why?" he asks, and that breaks Jaehyun's heart. Taesan has been so used to never getting something out of this that even a kiss prompted by Jaehyun arises suspicion. Jaehyun almost regrets doing it in the first place — like most things when it comes to Taesan. "Why would you kiss me when you said you wanted to be friends? Why would you do that to me when you know I still have feelings for you?"

Jaehyun's heart is racing, the fear of rejection almost making him freeze on the spot. Still, he can't go back now. Not after what Taesan said, not after the suspicion and surprise and even disappointment in his voice.

"I think I like you, Taesan," he confesses, squeezing Taesan's hand in a steel-like grip.

Taesan goes motionless for a beat, eyes narrowing as he looks at Jaehyun, searching for whatever must be hidden in his widened eyes and trembling lips. Jaehyun worries that maybe he choose the wrong moment, maybe his confession wasn't the best because although honest, he's not completely sure about it. I think I like you it's not the same thing as I like you. And Taesan seems to think the same way, face softening and eyes cast-down.

"I can't work with I think, hyung," Taesan says. "I want you to be sure."

"This is all I can give you for now," Jaehyun admits. "But if you wait for me, I can—"

"I waited all this time, hyung." Taesan presses a finger over his lips, silencing the omega. His hand then move to his cheek, warm palm pressed on the soft skin. Taesan smiles, a bright one that feels like a promise never meant to be broken. "I can wait a little longer."

Jaehyun feels like kissing him properly this time, but he knows it's not the right moment. Taesan understand his conflicted feelings and it's willing to wait, so he shouldn't challenge his luck.

They start walking again after that, Taesan pulling Jaehyun along by the hand. He talks about his upcoming tournament and complains how he's going to miss swimming practice because of his stupid heat. Jaehyun listens but barely pays attention, face warm as he keep his eyes on their joined hands. It's funny how he thought about a bunch of things with Taesan, but holding hands make him flustered. They don't let go until they reach Taesan's place, and even then, they keep their fingers entangled and none makes a move to leave.

"Thanks for bringing me home," Taesan says, letting go. It feels weird to not have that touch anymore, Jaehyun misses it like he lost a part of him. "I'll see you soon?"

It's not a statement, it's a question. Jaehyun understands why it sounds like such. Taesan is also scared that Jaehyun will give up on him while trying to understand his own feelings. He sounds unsure, like Jaehyun himself feels at the moment. Jaehyun can't do much except smile reassuringly and nod — he knows he won't give up.

He's not ready to give up on Taesan like that.

Jaehyun dreams of Taesan for the first time that night.

Honestly, he wasn't even expecting it to happen because he dozed off while reading the material for his next class and he was too lazy to make more coffee. He almost thought he wasn't dreaming because everything felt so vivid and real. Jaehyun is walking to Taesan's apartment with him, hands brushing from time to time and the bergamot and musk scent all around him like his favorite coat. It's a little suffocating sometimes, but Jaehyun isn't going to complain because he was bewitched all over again.

When they stopped in front of Taesan's apartment just like yesterday, Jaehyun pretty much doesn't know what to do. Is he supposed to hug him? Is he supposed to kiss him again? Or is he supposed to turn on his back and leave like he was meant to do from the beginning? It feels like an eternity until Taesan bats his pretty eyelashes and asks,

"Do you want to come in?"

What happens next can only be explained as a dream indeed. He went from outside of the building to magically laying in Taesan's bed with the omega on top of him. Jaehyun can inhale bergamot and musk in much more intense notes, surrounding him and pulling him into a state of mind that almost mimics a heat of his own. Jaehyun looks up at Taesan straddling him, tall and powerful and pretty — like a deity that decided to bless him with his sight.

Taesan is flushed, almost feverish, and Jaehyun feels the same way when the omega starts to undress them both. Clothes left scattered on the bed and ground, forgotten for the time being. Taesan looks the prettiest when he climbs back on the bed, sitting in the middle of Jaehyun's open legs. His hands are burning when they part his legs, leaving the perfect shape of his fingertips to haunt Jaehyun for the rest of his life.

"I should be the one helping you." Jaehyun has half the mind to say, clutching at the sheets before anything actually happens. He's so on edge that he fears that he could come only by looking at Taesan's eager sight. "You're in heat."

"You'll help me a hell lot by letting me eat you out," Taesan replies, shifting into a comfortable position — on his belly, face in the middle of Jaehyun's legs, looking up at the omega with a glint in his eyes that looks almost like a bonfire about to swallow Jaehyun in flames.

"I've never…" he trails off, unable to say it because of the shyness. Most alphas don't like to go down on omegas, always enjoying way more to plunge into them until they can get their pleasure. Jaehyun never been in such a position, so it feels embarrassing to him.

"No one ever did this to you?" Taesan asks, hands moving up and down Jaehyun's sensitive thighs. He shivers and sighs with each rub, trying to fight any noises that are trying to escape through his lips and let Taesan know how much he wants this.

"No," Jaehyun breathes out. "I've never been with an omega."

"I know that, hyung," he chuckles. "Now let me show you how good it can be so you'll never go after an alpha again."

Jaehyun wants to say something but words fail him when Taesan slides a hand between his legs and rubs his fingers against his soaked folds, wetting them and pressing his thumb over his clit. He almost jolts from the bed, letting out a loud yelp that got Taesan probably smiling smug — Jaehyun doesn't dare open his eyes, afraid of the sight that awaits him. Taesan keeps it going until he brings one finger to his entrance, slowly pushing it inside.

It's not like Jaehyun is a prude and never touched himself like this, he did quite a lot since he stopped sleeping around during his heat. The feeling of fingers inside him isn't foreign, but having someone else doing it for him feels different in a nice way. Especially Taesan's fingers, long and thick in a way that got Jaehyun gasping for air and pushing back against the it and asking for me.

"Taesan, I…"

Whatever he was about to say disappears because Jaehyun wakes up right at that moment, squinting at the darkness of his room and the forgotten laptop next to him on the bed, screen turned off. Jaehyun searches for his phone in the bed, picking it up and looking at the time. 6:30 a.m. He puts the device back on the bed and looks at the ceiling.

What the hell is even happening to him? A wet dream about Han Taesan — he couldn't have reached any lower. And to make it worse, he can feel how turned that dream got him, panties sticking to his cunt in an uncomfortable way. Jaehyun is tempted to get up and take a shower, but he's too lazy and he knows that maybe it wouldn't make it any better. So he takes the shameful and guilty route, shimmying out of his pants and panties in a go, right hand going straight for his soaked wet cunt. Jaehyun isn't in the mood for teasing and prolonging the moment, so he plunges two fingers inside and uses his left hand to play with his clit.

He comes to the thought of Taesan eating him out, tongue lavishing his clit while his fingers fill him up the way Jaehyun likes it. He doesn't even pay attention to his noises, to the faint chant of Taesan's name that lingers on his lips while he keeps clenching around the fingers inside, wishing it was really Taesan's. He'd be lying if he said that wasn't the best visual his mind ever gave him during a jerk off session.

Remorse catches up to him as soon as his high ends. Jaehyun takes his wet fingers out and dries them on the sheets, feeling dirty and disgusting at coming from the thought of another person. Let alone someone that it's a friend. Jaehyun feels no better than an alpha, especially when all of this happened because of Taesan's scent haunting him since the beginning of the day. He got aroused at the smell of another omega's scent, just like any alpha and beta would.

Looking up at the ceiling, Jaehyun tries to sort out his thoughts and feelings. He still can't understand what is happening to him. A few months ago he was totally against Taesan's feelings and not even wanted to think about it. Now, this is all he can think about. Why is Taesan so attractive to him? Why is Taesan the only thing he can think about? Why is he more interested in Taesan than he ever been to any of the alphas he met in the past? Why is going against his nature and instinct and everything that he was taught so enticing? Why, for the first time, Jaehyun feels like he's doing something right?

No, this can't be right. He can't be doing the right thing because he was taught this was the wrong thing. Jaehyun can admit that he's in love with Taesan, but he can't be in love with Taesan. He can admit that he wants Taesan, but he can't be with Taesan. He can admit everything that he's been trying to avoid, but he can't do any of those things. Jaehyun can't even imagine his parents reaction if they found out he's in a relationship with another omega.

Shit, he's already considering a relationship with Taesan to the point of thinking about the consequences of it.

Jaehyun groans and throws the comforter over his head, wishing that he could drown himself on it and disappear from this reality.

Two days after leaving Taesan in his apartment, Jaehyun starts facing a heavy deprivation. It's almost like he can't function properly without seeing Taesan or smelling the bergamot and musk that he got used to in the past days. He's almost tempted to go to his apartment or even call him. He doesn't even need to see his face, he'll be content with only listening to his voice. Jaehyun does none of these things, he ignores his longing and pretends that Taesan's absence isn't affecting him and his omega.

Jaehyun is completely sure of his feelings by now and ready to tell all of it to Taesan. There's still a fear that haunts him in the outskirts when he thinks about it for too long, but he knows that he can face it with Taesan by his side. It took him some time but his I think I like you has finally turned into a I like you, he even dares say that it's an I love you by the time he'll see Taesan again at the end of his heat.

Another thing that's been bothering him is Taesan's heat. The idea of the omega spending it all alone, having to face such a straining cycle without someone there for him has been haunting Jaehyun. Not like he'd be of much help when he has absolutely no experience with helping other omegas, but he could be there to feed him and keep him hydrated. He could even kiss him if Taesan wanted — he doesn't dare think about doing something more, he's still embarrassed by what happened that night with the wet dream.

Maybe it's a little overreaction. Taesan has been dealing with heats like this for a long time like he said, and if he was having a difficult time with it, Jaehyun knows that he'd ask for help. He has his number after all, a single text would be enough. So all that's left for Jaehyun is to wait and pretend that his eyes doesn't roam to his phone whenever the screen lights up with a new notification. It's never from who he wants, so he stopped feeling his heart in his throat whenever he picks the device in his hands.

"Your boyfriend is in heat, mind you a very difficult and painful one, and you're here in my kitchen eating soggy cereal instead of going there and helping him?" Woonhak says first thing in the morning, voice full of disbelief. Jaehyun decided to spend the night there, tired of staying alone in his own apartment thinking about Taesan. But as it seems, the universe doesn't want him to stop thinking about the omega. "Hyung, I can't believe it! You're like, the worst boyfriend ever."

"He's not my boyfriend," Jaehyun corrects, almost spilling milk over the kitchen island. Woonhak makes a face, pulling out a few paper towels and cleaning the liquid. "I still didn't get the chance to tell him how I feel and—"

"You walked him home and kissed him!" Woonhak exclaims, throwing the soaked paper towels on the trash. "Do you need any more confirmation that you guys are dating?"

"Woonhak, that's not how it works," he sighs, feeling a headache on the way. "It's complicating."

"I'm tired of you saying that it's all complicating," Woonhak groans. "You told him you like him, didn't you?"

"I said I think I like him, and he said that he needs me to be sure," Jaehyun explains.

Woonhak glares at him, one brow raised. "And are you sure?"

"I am but that's—"

"If you're sure and he's sure, then what else are you waiting for?" Woonhak throws his hands to the air, completely annoyed by the slow burn that's been happening between his friends from the longest of times.

"I don't want to bother him with that while he's in heat," Jaehyun says, shoving a spoonful of cereal in his mouth. "I can wait."

"But I can't!" He whines, like a child. Most of the time Jaehyun finds it endearing, but he doesn't share that sentiment today. "Taesan-hyung is a proud guy. He's probably waiting for you to come and help him."

How is Jaehyun even supposed to help him? The idea of dating another omega is still foreign to him and even though he came in terms with liking Taesan and wanting to see what will happen despite his fear, Jaehyun isn't ready to actually have sex with him. Jaehyun never slept with an omega and what he knows about sex is the one he had with alphas in the past. He knows how to touch himself, but that doesn't mean he knows how to touch another omega because their bodies are different. He can bite Taesan but that wouldn't work the same way as an alpha's mark. What if he screws up? What if Taesan doesn't want him there? What if it's so bad that Taesan decides that he doesn't want him anymore?

Damn, they only shared something that can't even be called a kiss a few days ago. It's too soon to take things this further.

"I can't go there uninvited, Woonhak," he reasons, stirring his cereal unenthusiastically. It's not the brand that he likes, but it's the only thing available in the cabinets. "You probably don't know that because you're dating an alpha, but you can't simply barge into an omega's house when they're in heat. He needs to invite me and then get used to my scent and—"

"You're so boring with your omega stuff," Woonhak huffs. "I have no idea how Riwoo-hyung handles this."

"Speaking of, where's Riwoo?" Jaehyun asks, swiftly changing the topic. Woonhak never notices when that happens, and it can give him a few minutes of peace before the topic is brought back.

"Out with Leehan-hyung," he says, taking a bowl for himself and pouring the same cereal and eating it dry like a snack.

"Where?"

"I don't know, shopping?" Woonhak shrugs, mouth full. "Leehan was very mysterious about needing some clothes and I know Riwoo-hyung will tell me later so I didn't bother asking."

Leehan, shopping and clothes — a dangerous combination of words. For Woonhak, it must not look weird because he's not that close to Leehan despite Leehan loving the younger alpha, but for Jaehyun it lights a bulb on the top of his head. Almost a year living with Leehan back in the dorms made him a pro in all his habits and quirks, and one of them was this. Leehan going to shop for clothes can only mean one thing.

"Leehan has a date," Jaehyun says, with all the knowledge that he gathered after being friends with Kim Leehan for more than two years.

Woonhak gapes. "What?"

"Leehan always buys new clothes when he has a date with an alpha," Jaehyun explains. "You know, just in case the alpha's scent get stuck on it and he doesn't like it. If he goes to the date using his daily clothes, he'll have to throw it away. With new clothes, he can simply wash and donate to someone because they're new."

"Omegas are way too difficult to deal with," Woonhak sighs, popping a few more cereals into his mouth. When he finishes chewing, he points a finger to Jaehyun and says, "And don't think you can change topics like this. Riwoo-hyung trained me in your habits."

"That traitor," Jaehyun huffs. He looks from his soggy cereal that doesn't look appetizing anymore to Woonhak's round eyes. "What else do you want from me?"

"You need to go visit Taesan-hyung," he says, like a command rather than a suggestion. "He needs you, hyung."

"I can't." Jaehyun looks away, embarrassed by the way Woonhak says it. "I have classes."

Woonhak blinks. "Are you kidding me?"

"No. I'm not skipping classes because of that," he says, taking his bowl and leaving it inside the sink for any of the owner to clean it. "I need to take my studies seriously if I want to graduate."

"So what you're saying is your two classes of the day are more important than helping the love of your life?" Woonhak asks, folding his arms over his chest.

"Taesan is not the love of my life."

He doesn't say it as a denial of his feelings or the reality of their relationship. Jaehyun likes Taesan and he has no doubt about it anymore, but he doesn't know what the future will bring to them. He knows for sure that his parents will never approve the relationship and will eventually expect him to have an alpha husband and kids. Whenever Jaehyun thinks about that, he remembers the family he saw at the restaurant, the omega mates with their children. Jaehyun always believed his future would be like that, except he'd be with an alpha.

Now, he thinks that his future can still be how he envisioned, with Taesan by his side and as his mate — but it's too soon to think about that, so he brushes it to the back of his head and focuses on the present.

"And even if he is, one of us need a job in the future since it'll be more difficult for him with his heats."

"Look at you, already picturing a future with him," Woonhak whistles. "I knew I was doing a great job when I showed that picture of yours to Taesan-hyung."

Jaehyun frowns, turning back to the younger. "What picture?"

"The one you're lying in your bed, with your cheeks flushed and a blissed-out look in your face," he explains. Which only makes it worse because Jaehyun is well-aware of what picture he's talking about and he remembers that it was supposed to be only seen by Riwoo and not the whole friend group and the guy that likes him. "The one that looked like you got your back blown into oblivion."

"What the hell?" Jaehyun chokes out. "Why did you show him that? And why are you talking like it's a dirty picture and not a totally normal selfie? And why do you have that picture when I sent it to Riwoo?"

"Because you look very omega and Taesan likes omegas?" Woonhak clarifies, completely ignoring the other questions while he makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. "You'll thank me in the future, hyung."

Maybe he will, but right now, Jaehyun feels like choking Woonhak until he passes out for showing Han Taesan a picture that Jaehyun doesn't even have in his phone anymore from how embarrassed he felt right after taking it.

Jaehyun is on the classroom when his phone screen lights, eyes roaming from the professor talking to the device over his desk. His heart almost leaps to his throat when he looks at the notification.

taesanie: can you come over?

taesanie: please

A simple two-texts is enough for Jaehyun's heart to pound faster and calm down his anxieties at the same time. For one, Taesan texted him and that means that he's fine despite the strenuous situation. But the fact that he explicitly asked him to come is a sign that he must be going through a rough time. Woonhak said it himself, Taesan is a proud guy and he wouldn't ask for things, especially help during his heat. Jaehyun wonders how much courage and despair the omega is going through to send those texts.

Of all the people he could've asked, he chose Jaehyun to be the one to help him — it doesn't take a genius to understand what those messages really entail. As anxious and unprepared as Jaehyun feels, he still wants to be there for Taesan. His omega needs him, and Jaehyun would rather lose all his classes for the rest of the week rather than ignoring Taesan.

He stares at the messages for three more minutes before muttering a fuck it under his breath and leaping from his seat, leaving before the professor ends the class. His mind can't think of anything other than going to Jaehyun's aid, he doesn't care if it's wrong or right. Right now, everything feels right because he understands his feelings and no longer cares about what others will think. As long as it's right to him, nothing else matters.

Jaehyun walks out of campus and heads straight to Taesan's apartment. He sends a short text letting him know that he's coming and sends another to Riwoo saying that their daily brunch will have to be postponed, stuffing his phone in his pockets right after — he doesn't want to see whatever teasing text Riwoo will send back.

He tries to walk as calmly as he can while his heart races. It proves to be useless. Jaehyun is excited in a way that feels out of place, but he can't help it. Ever since the almost kiss, and the wet dream and the realization, Jaehyun has been yearning to see the omega again. He wants to tell Taesan everything, he wants to give it a shot to this. Under his excitement, he still feels nervous. Jaehyun has no idea what he'll do once he reaches Taesan's house.

Despite knowing better his feelings, Jaehyun did absolutely nothing about it. He didn't search about omega relationships and how they work, didn't search about how things are supposed to happen during those moments. Jaehyun was too embarrassed to do anything except lock his feelings and try not to freak out because of them. Now, he kinda regrets not searching a single video about omegas having sex, it'd be handy for the situation.

Fuck it, he thinks again. He'll worry about that later, and he hopes Taesan will understand if it turns out to be a bad experience.

Jaehyun stops by the door, nervousness swallowing his excitement, making his whole body tingle. His legs shake involuntarily as he stands in front of the door, breathing heavily and waiting. He's wondering if he should knock on the door or ring the bell, maybe send a text to let Taesan know he's there. Turns out he doesn't need to do any of that — Taesan was already waiting for him. The door opens widely, the sight of the other omega almost making him fall to his knees.

Taesan is dressed in nothing but an oversized shirt, his tall and slim legs greeting Jaehyun. He doesn't remember ever seeing Taesan's legs this naked, the omega never wore shorts or anything other than pants. His pink-blond hair messy all around and cheeks dusted in almost the same shade, a few drops of sweat glistening on his forehead and neck, his eyes slightly hooded. He looks the prettiest Jaehyun has ever seen, and he has to press his lips shut tight in order to not announce his feelings for Taesan.

A gust of strong bergamot and musk fills Jaehyun's nose. He takes a deep breath from it, head spinning and body burning with desire at the arousal hanging heavy on it. If his omega could, it'd be drooling all over Taesan, something that he thought only happened at the scent of alphas. Jaehyun doubts an alpha's scent has ever made him feel what he's feeling right now.

He takes a step inside the apartment, taking off his shoes and moving back to look at Taesan. The omega slowly closes the door and locks it, before surging forward and trapping Jaehyun, pressing him against the wall. It shouldn't be arousing, but Taesan's pheromones are starting to mess up with Jaehyun, making this the most turned on he felt in a very long time outside of heat. Taesan stays in that position, eyes closed and hands on Jaehyun's shoulders, taking deep breaths of the wood and orange leaf scent — it's not as strong as Taesan's scent, but Jaehyun is starting to smell it in the air.

Without any warning, Taesan moves his head closer and claims Jaehyun's lips like it belongs to him. And Jaehyun kisses back unabashedly, finally letting go of the chains that kept him away from Taesan, tired of pretending that he isn't as desperate to be kissed by another omega, to be touched and to touch Taesan back. He knows they should probably talk first but he doubts Taesan is in his right mind to hold a conversation.

For now, Jaehyun allows himself to have something as nice as this. To be kissed rough, messy and urgently in a way that feels possessive but not like the sickening way he used to feel when alphas kissed him like this. Jaehyun feels how warm Taesan's body is as he presses closer, as he puts one hand on the omega's hips and moves it up and down until Taesan is heaving against his mouth.

"Hyung," Taesan gasps, breathy and needy. It makes Jaehyun's mouth go dry, his pussy throbbing at how sweet the omega sounds. Taesan pulls away and looks straight into Jaehyun's eyes, pupils blown, pleading sweetly, "Please."

"Let's get you to your room, Taesanie," Jaehyun says weakly, pushing Taesan away so he can move. Taesan gets the hint instantly, pulling Jaehyun with him to a door in the end of the corridor, probably his bedroom.

Jaehyun doesn't have time to look at the apartment or the room, mind focused on what they're about to do and how they will do it. Taesan flops down on the bed and pulls him on top, not leaving space for Jaehyun to steady himself, lips seeking for him in the same urgency.

This one is more languid, deep and passionate in a lover's way. Jaehyun can almost fool himself to think this is him kissing his boyfriend, but the truth is a little far from it. He shakes the thought away, focusing on Taesan's tongue entangling on his, sliding a hand under the omega's sweatshirt. Taesan is naked from the waist down, skin scalding hot and easily arching to any touch, moaning unabashedly into Jaehyun's mouth.

It's too much for Jaehyun, worse than the wet dream he had that night. His loins burn in a way no alpha ever made him feel. If his heat wasn't due to a few months, he'd be fooled into thinking he was going through one from how turned on he's feeling.

"Touch me, please," Taesan gasps again, mouth slightly open in a soundless moan. "I need you, hyung. I need you so much."

Jaehyun pulls away to look at him, suddenly mesmerized by the flush on Taesan's cheeks, the glazed look in his eyes, his swollen and reddish lips. It's an otherworldly sight. Jaehyun can't help the pride that fills him up at being the one to render Taesan like this. Not an alpha, not a beta, not another omega — Jaehyun is the one that turned Taesan into a pleading mess.

"Taesan, I—"

The words get stuck on his throat along with his breath. Anxiety comes back when he realizes that he doesn't know what to do. Jaehyun stands on his arms and looks at Taesan, itching to touch him but afraid of messing it up. Taesan is the best thing that ever happened to him in a long time. He can't fuck things up when the omega needs him the most.

"Taesan, I don't know how to do it," he blurts out, closing his eyes in embarrassment.

If Taesan wasn't clouded by arousal, he'd probably laugh in his face. He probably had slept with omegas before, knows what to do compared to stupid Myung Jaehyun, who hasn't been intimate with an omega in his twenty-two years of living.

Taesan squirms under him, hands moving to cradle Jaehyun's face and bring it closer to him. He smiles lazily, leaving a tender kiss on his lips before saying, "Touch me whatever way you want, hyung."

Jaehyun takes that encouragement and pushes past the insecurity inside him. He puts one single goal in his head, to give Taesan pleasure. Jaehyun takes one last look at Taesan's flushed face and goes back to kissing him, starting slow and letting it pick up a more heated pace. He wishes he could take his time with Taesan, but he knows how bothered and desperate the omega must be feeling from the heat. They can do it slow and lazy when the heat settles down — that is, if Taesan still wants him after this.

He pushes a hand between Taesan's legs to spread them wide. Taesan opens his legs to accommodate Jaehyun better, the eagerness coming from him doesn't go unnoticed. Jaehyun bites his lips as he feels the wetness in the omega's inner thighs, the spike of musk rendering him unable to think rationally. Something primal takes control, his inner omega almost begging for Jaehyun to take Taesan and claim him.

Jaehyun moves his shaky hand close to Taesan's cunt, coating the pads with the slick. Taesan bucks his hips at the touch, anticipating. Jaehyun moves his fingers lazily over the folds, rubbing the pads over the swollen clit. When he pushes the first finger inside, Taesan's whole body jerks, letting out a whimper and a breathy yes. The finger slides in easily, a new wave of slick coming from him as his hole clenches around the it.

He presses another without giving Taesan time to get used to the first. It's not like Taesan needs it, he's so open and wet, the heat making him prone to take any stretch without feeling pain. Jaehyun moves the fingers steadily, surprised by how relaxed and calm Taesan looks apart from the whimpers and gasps whenever he clenches around it. Taesan probably spent the last days fucking himself on dildos and fingers, the thought makes Jaehyun almost drool.

Still, he takes his time, adamant on not rushing the experience. Jaehyun moves and crooks his fingers cautiously, like he does to himself. It's nice at first, but he notices how Taesan huffs out impatiently and rolls his hips, a request for Jaehyun to pick up the pace.

"Taesan, stop moving," Jaehyun scolds lightly, chuckling at the furrowed eyebrows Taesan sports.

Jaehyun starts fucking him rougher with his two fingers, watching as Taesan clutches at his shirt and whimpers in a very high-pitched tone. Jaehyun has to bite his lips with such strength that he feels the metallic taste of blood as he breaks the skin, trying to control his body as it screams for him to touch himself while fucking Taesan. The tight heat around his fingers, the squelching and the sounds Taesan lets out — everything makes Jaehyun leak in his own pants, dangerously close to coming untouched.

"Hyung, you look so hot like this," Taesan breathes out. It comes out rushed and choked out whenever Jaehyun bumps against his clit. "Should've gotten you in my bed sooner."

"You only wanted me to be a one-night stand, Taesanie?" Jaehyun chuckles breathlessly.

"No, I don't—" Taesan stops, throwing his head back, lower body moving closer to Jaehyun's fingers. "I don't want you to be a one-night stand. I like you to much, hyung. You know that."

"We can talk about that later," Jaehyun whispers, leaning down to kiss Taesan's forehead, his cheek, the tip of his nose, the corner of his lips. The skin feels hot against his own lips, Taesan's quickened breath fanning hot against his face. Jaehyun moves to his ear, kissing the skin on his neck before whispering, "Do you want to come from my fingers alone?"

Taesan whines, hands holding Jaehyun's shoulders for solace, grip stronger. Jaehyun doesn't mind, it turns him on even more. Taesan starts to rock his hips, fucking himself on the fingers with his head thrown back in pleasure. Jaehyun acts purely on the instinct of making the omega come, bewitched by the scent around him and how hot and pretty Taesan looks.

He snakes his other hand down and rubs the pad of his thumb against Taesan's clit, loud cries come from the omega as his body tenses, hole clenching suffocatingly as Jaehyun tries to move his fingers. The slick leaking from it wets Jaehyun's hand, and he's tempted to pull away and taste it. Taesan is wet with his own sweat too, the shirt sticking to his lean body. Jaehyun laughs, insanely in pleasure, almost close to an orgasm without being touched.

Jaehyun keeps his ministrations, panting heavily against the omega's scent gland. A shameful desire comes over him, the same one from that afternoon in campus. Jaehyun wants to mark Taesan. Without much strength, he allows this desire to be fulfilled — he knows it won't be a true mark, omegas can't mark each other. He lets his teeth rasp on the place on Taesan's neck where the mating mark would be. Taesan shivers under him, hands on Jaehyun's nape and pressing him closer, almost as if consenting to it. Jaehyun moans, the sound muffled against the skin.

It takes only the feeling of skin against teeth for Taesan to arch up under him, lips parted in a silent scream, eyelashes fluttering as he comes with a strong gust of slick staining the sheets under them. Jaehyun keeps moving his fingers, fucking him through his orgasm until Taesan is completely spent, hands pulling at the omega's hair to let Jaehyun know that the touch is becoming uncomfortable.

"Feeling better?" Jaehyun asks as he moves away from the position he was.

Taesan nods, looking back at him with sparkling eyes and a dopey smile on his face. He looks prettier after cumming, a vision that will probably follow Jaehyun for eternity after this. He looks way better compared to when Jaehyun saw him at the door. Still flushed and warm to the touch, but he seems to be a little more aware of the world around him. Jaehyun knows that it won't take long until he's ready for another round — and now, he knows what he has to do even though he's still a little nervous.

Jaehyun is once again hit with the realization that he likes Taesan more than he could ever be able to speak about it. He likes the idea of being kissed by him, of having sex with him, of being there for him, of being the object of Taesan's adoration. He wants to go on dates with him and to introduce Taesan as his omega, to take care of him and be equally catered for. Jaehyun thinks Taesan is the prettiest omega he's ever seen, and when he thinks about this, it doesn't come from a place of envy. It comes from a place of adoration.

"You're the prettiest omega I've ever seen," Jaehyun blurts out, not even noticing the words coming out.

"Funny," Taesan chuckle, a wide smile spreading on his lips at the almost-confession. "I think you're the prettiest omega I've ever seen too."

"I know this is not the best time and you'll probably forget all of this when the heat begins again but I have to tell you something," Jaehyun starts, speaking too fast for Taesan's feverish head to follow but he hums, expectantly looking at the omega. "I really like you, Taesan. And I'm sure of it this time."

Taesan doesn't reply immediately, taken aback by the omega's words. Jaehyun doesn't feel anxious or insecure, because even if Taesan doesn't answer with words, he knows the nature of the omega's feelings. Taesan's answer comes a few seconds later, in the shape of a kiss on his lips. Slow and tender, interlaced with all the feelings he's been nurturing for Jaehyun over the months, and with the promise of what they can be in the future. Jaehyun kisses back leisurely, enjoying the taste of bergamot and musk numbing his senses and letting himself melt against Taesan's body.

This is the first time something ever feels right for him.

The first snow of the year falls while Jaehyun and Taesan are walking back from their date. It wasn't anything big, just walking downtown and sharing a corn dog because Taesan wanted something romantic and very drama-esque, Jaehyun was too hopeless in love with the omega to deny him that. As it seems, his wish came true with the snow falling at that moment.

Jaehyun looks at the small snowflakes falling from the sky, some landing on Taesan's black hair — he dyed it a few weeks ago, tired of the pink-blond that Jaehyun still misses sometimes. He looks different, still absurdly beautiful. With the streetlights and the snowflakes on his hair, Taesan looks like a character straight out of a drama. Jaehyun has to fight back the desire to kiss him senseless because he's clearly talking about something important and Jaehyun doesn't want him to stop.

What he does is hold tighter on his hand and smile. Lately, Jaehyun has been more open about public displays of affection with Taesan. Not that he had a problem with being affectionate to his friends, but with his boyfriend is a completely different thing. Jaehyun is still getting used to doing the things he wants with Taesan without a nagging voice in his head telling him about what his parents would think. Nothing matters besides the happy smile on Taesan's face when Jaehyun holds his hand or hugs him or even kisses him.

"Can I ask you something?" Taesan says, turning back to Jaehyun curiously.

"Depends," Jaehyun says. "Are you gonna ask me if I still like you?"

"No," he snorts, batting his eyelashes cutely next. "But do you still like me?"

Jaehyun thinks it's cute how ever since that day during Taesan's heat when he said he liked him with certainty, the omega is constantly asking if Jaehyun still likes him. He understands that Taesan has his own insecurities, and Jaehyun suddenly not liking him anymore is one of them. He can't change the past and still has a long way until he's completely free from the chains of his creation, but he tries his best to let Taesan know how much he likes him.

Even if it means telling I like you at least five times in a single day.

"Yes, Taesan." Jaehyun smiles reassuringly, bringing their joined hands close to his face and kissing it over the fabric of his gloves. "I still love you."

"You say the L-word way too carelessly, hyung," Taesan scolds lightly. "But I like it. I like that you love me."

"Is that what you wanted to ask me?" Jaehyun asks, swinging their hands together in the small space between their bodies.

"No," he says. "I was wondering, what made you change your mind about me?"

Jaehyun frowns. "What do you mean?"

"What made you want to date me?" Taesan asks, fixing his scarf until it's covering his mouth. His cheeks and nose are slightly pink because of the cold, and Jaehyun thinks it's an adorable sight. "Don't get me wrong, I know I'm one hell of a company and I'm pretty, but you always seemed so against the idea of dating another omega. Let alone all the bullshit you told me that day."

"I'm sorry about that." Jaehyun looks away, still embarrassed by the stupid things he said that afternoon that feels like an eternity ago. "I know I already—"

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, hyung," Taesan cuts him off. He stops when they're a block away from the apartment, turning to Jaehyun and putting his gloves-cladded hands around Jaehyun's face. "It's just that sometimes I still can't believe that you're in love with me and wants to date me."

Although they had a conversation about feelings and how their relationship was supposed to work after Taesan's heat, Jaehyun didn't went into details about his journey in understanding his feelings. Not that he's not sure about what he feels, but because it's a path that he's walking through. Each day, he learns something more about himself and leaves his teachings back home about sub-genders and relationships in the past. Some days are easier than others. Some days, he thinks there's something wrong with him, in others he believes this is what he is and he cannot change it.

The thing, or rather the person, who helps him most through this is Taesan. Taesan is the reason why Jaehyun changed his mind. Not something he did or something he said, but rather his existence in itself. Taesan teaches Jaehyun something about himself everyday.

"It was you," Jaehyun replies, honest. "You were the reason why I changed my mind."

Taesan gapes, eyes widened. "Me?"

"Yes, Taesanie," he smiles, eyes closing in trust. "You."

"God, I can't believe I'm dating the cheesiest person in the world." Taesan laughs, hands circling around Jaehyun's neck, playing with the handmade scarf he gave him as a present last week — to celebrate their first month anniversary, Jaehyun almost cried. "And here I was waiting for you to go on a long monologue about how you realized that today's society doesn't need to follow the steps of our ancestors and that same sub-gender relationships shouldn't be treated like something disgusting and out-of-norm like traditionalism says."

"Well, I've never been into omega rights activism because I was scared of seeing how everything I learned as a child is wrong so you're expecting too much of me with that answer," Jaehyun says playfully, and Taesan laughs at that.

"It's never too late to let go of old habits and learn new stuff," he says, throwing his head up and looking at the snow falling above them. When he looks back, his eyes are shining under the streetlight like beacons of hope. "But what about me made you change your mind?"

"Just you," Jaehyun shrugs, feeling the tell-tale warmth of embarrassment catch up. He bites his lip, thinking if the next words would be fuel for Taesan to tease him more. In the end, he decides that he doesn't care, continuing quietly, "I don't feel like it's wrong to be with you. I feel happy when I'm with you, like I never felt with the alphas I dated. It must mean something."

"You're blushing, hyung." Taesan points out with a grin.

"Stop teasing me," Jaehyun whines, pressing his face against Taesan's chest to hide. "I'm not used to speaking about my feelings."

"I know. You'd rather write about them," Taesan says, hugging Jaehyun closer. He rubs his face on the soft and damp hair, before resting his chin on it. "I really liked your last letter. Especially the part where you said your heart swells painfully whenever you catch a glimpse of me. No one ever said that to me."

Writing has always been easier than speaking for Jaehyun, especially when it comes to his feelings. He developed the habit of writing about what he feels for Taesan when he doesn't have the courage to speak. By now, the other omega probably has three long letters and some poetry that Jaehyun wrote instead of doing his assignments. Taesan keeps everything in a box inside a drawer, tenderly cherishing the written pieces that Jaehyun made for him.

Jaehyun clears his throat, feeling both touched and very flustered. "I'm glad you liked it."

"You're still so awkward, hyung," Taesan chuckles. "You're so warm tonight, is your heat close?"

"I think it'll be due on Thursday," he replies absentmindedly. Jaehyun hasn't really been paying attention to that, but now that Taesan said it, he sure feels warmer than usual — and not only because of embarrassment. "I'm having some symptoms but nothing serious."

Taesan hums. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Why?" Jaehyun frowns, confused. "You have practice on Thursday."

"Because I want to take care of you," Taesan replies. "And I can skip one practice in order to take care of my mate."

Jaehyun wishes Taesan would stop calling him that because it makes his omega extremely dependent on him. It's scary how much he got attached to Taesan, even before they started dating. During his last heat, which he spent alone because he didn't want to bother the other omega, all he could think about was how much he wanted Taesan to take care of him. When he brought the topic to the table in one of their dates, Taesan almost leaped from his seat at the prospect of helping.

And to think that Jaehyun could've missed all this thanks to how narrow-minded he was raised.

"Stop calling me that," he mumbles. "It's embarrassing."

"Does it make you flustered, hyung?" Taesan teases. "I like calling you that. My mate, my omega. I told you, you were gonna be mine in the future."

"You were just lucky," Jaehyun snorts, pulling away.

As nice as it is to stay like this with Taesan, it's already late and getting colder with each minute passed. So he takes his hand again and start the walk back to the apartment. Maybe he'll stay again tonight. It's becoming a habit, staying the night in Taesan's because the omega claims that he can't sleep well unless he's hugging Jaehyun, and Jaehyun loves falling asleep with Taesan's scent all over him. It's a win-win situation.

"Then call me the luckiest omega in the whole universe," Taesan says. "Because I sure feel it."

"Silly," he shakes his head, but feels strangely happy that Taesan feels lucky at the prospect of dating him. Everything feels so different when it's the two of them.

When they stop in front of Taesan's place, he pulls away to input the door code. Jaehyun sneakily reaches out and slides his hand under the scarf, touching the mark he left there the last time they slept together. It's becoming another habit, to claim each other. It doesn't last for long and the bond isn't as strong as it'd be if one of them was an alpha, but Jaehyun loves it nonetheless. Something inside him purrs at the sight of Taesan walking around with his mark on him, smelling of wood and orange leaf.

Jaehyun likes to touch it, not only out of a possessiveness that he recently discovered, it also makes him feel safe. And Taesan like it too, a shared sentiment. Taesan is a little more possessive about it during the act, leaving a mark so deep that Jaehyun sometimes thinks that it'll last forever. He wishes it would.

He withdraws his hand when the door beeps. Taesan gives him a questioning smile, holding the door open for him, a silent invitation. Jaehyun smiles back and says, "Can I kiss you?"

"You don't have to ask me every time," Taesan replies, pulling Jaehyun inside the house. "Just kiss me, hyung."

As the door closes behind them, Jaehyun kisses Taesan with a tenderness that makes him feel warm all over. To be in Taesan's embrace feels like going back home after a long and tiring day — and Jaehyun never wants to go a day without this feeling again.