Chapter Text
Bood 🥵🏒
Saturday January 24th, 9.30am
Ilya
Bood
My sweet prince
Bood
uh oh
what’s up, cap
Ilya
You look beautiful this morning
Bood
i’m literally at home right now?
wait, you’re not here are you
Ilya
No, but you always look beautiful and I am sure this morning is no exception 🥰
Bood
wind it in gorgeous, what do you want
Ilya
I need help
Bood
oh damn. all good?
Ilya
Yes, all good
I am being prepared
Bood
breaking the habit of a lifetime?
Ilya
He is funny at 9.30 in the morning! Always so funny and handsome
Bood
jeez, blink twice if you need help
what’s up buttercup
Ilya
It is less than a month until Valentines Day
I want to surprise my Jane
But I feel like I have, as you say to Hazy, shit for brains
Bood
OOOOOH IT’S BIG TIME SERIOUS!!!!!
WE’RE LOCKING IN!!!
SHIFTING INTO V-DAY MODE!!!!
MOVES BEING MADE
JANE AIN’T READY
Ilya
What
Actually I have changed my mind
Bood
NO i’ll be chill i swear
freakout over
Ilya
You are sure?
Bood
wait, one more
AYOOOOOOOOOOOO
...ok now i’m good
Ilya
🤨
Bood
so you’re out of ideas?
Ilya
To be out of ideas I would have needed to have an idea first
I want it to be special
Jane is in town and it is our first Valentines Day together properly
Bood
have you done other v-days with her before?
(also, this is adorable)
Ilya
I am adorable, we know this
And yes, when our calendars matched up, but casual then so – nothing big
Bood
what have you given her before?
Ilya
A fucking, mostly
Bood
CHEAP
CHEAP GIFT GIVER
Ilya
Cheap?
Should I apologise to Cassie for you if you think it is cheap?
Tut tut, Boody
Bood
cassie has no complaints 😏
Ilya
Okay!
Bood
hell of an attitude from the man who asked for my help
Ilya
Sorry darling
I am panicking a little because I want it to be special
Bood
i could ask cass?
i mean i’ve done like fancy dinners and stuff before
took her to a spa once, she loved that
she's really big on skincare and makeup so i did a 'buy whatever you want' day
Ilya
How did that go?
Bood
i may as well have stocks in sephora now
what does jane like?
Ilya
Me 😏
Bood
booooo
apart from that
Ilya
Jane is sporty, very athletic
Jane's thighs, my god
Bood
ok i love this for you but i'm going to need you to lock in
like asap bc i'm not doing this with you pre-10am
roz
Ilya
Sorry, focusing
Bood
is she into food? a fancy meal?
Ilya
HA
No
Jane eats like the food pyramid police will arrest her at any moment
Bood
lmfao ok so dinner is out then
what else does she like?
Ilya
She is very organized
My drawers, Boody
They are full of dividers because the world will end if my socks touch my boxers
Bood
i bet you love it really
Ilya
It is literally my favourite thing in the world
I want to buy 700 drawer dividers
I would have a different cabinet for every pair of boxers if it would make Jane happy
Bood
that is so crazy and so sweet
i'm just taking a moment to soak in the beauty of the russian menace being obsessed with storage solutions
Ilya
Life is about growth, no?
Bood
where did you hear that?
Ilya
Fortune cookie with my takeout last week
Still works though
Bood
ok well as cute as this is, i don't feel like closet organizers are the way forward for a big v-day
Ilya
No, I buy Jane lots of things like this already
Very expensive trouser press
New label maker and spice rack so that she can organize my pantry alphabetically
This would not be a big Valentines Day gift
Bood
ok damn
my brain isn't awake enough for this yet
i think i need to regroup with cassie
give me a few mins
Ilya
Okay
Thank you my sweet sweet Bood
🥰
Bood
you don't have to keep sucking up to me babe
Bood 🥵🏒
Saturday January 24th, 9.55am
Bood
guess who's back
Ilya
My best friend in the whole world who is going to give me advice for Valentines Day for my Jane?
Bood
wrong
your best friend in the whole world who just got you a temporary invite to the wags chat
so all the girls can help you plan
Ilya
Oh my god
WHAT
How did you manage this???
Bood
fuck if i know
cassie was feeling generous
you're welcome, by the way 😏
Ilya
We get it, you fuck your wife
Bood
i make love to my wife, you animal
Ilya
Booooo
Not directed at your wife
Bood
would you like to accept the most illustrious of invites or not?
Ilya
What the fuck is illustrious
Bood
"Illustrious describes someone or something that is highly distinguished, famous, and admired due to past achievements or noble character."
Ilya
So you just googled it?
Bood
well you could have done that too, couldn't you
smartass
who i love
Ilya
Dick
Who I love ❤️
I am very happy to accept this most illustrious of invites
Bood
cass says to expect your addition to the group later today
and has asked me to confirm that this is a one-day, one-time addition
to maintain and i quote "the sanctity and secrecy of the girlies"
Ilya
Please tell Cassie I would never betray the girlies
And thank you
Tell her that and also thank you to you
Bood
it's all good rozy
and you're welcome
we gotta smash it for jane so that jane will smash you!!!!
Ilya
Gross
But yes please ❤️
Jane ❤️💦😍
Saturday January 24th, 11.01am
Jane
Morning, baby. Need anything from the store?
Ilya
Hello sweetheart 💕
I already have everything I need
Jane
So you don't need deodorant?
Ilya
Wait, I do need that
But apart from that I have everything I need 💕
Jane
And you don't need olive oil?
Ilya
We also do need that
But after that I just need you 🥰
Jane
Eggs?
Ilya
You are doing this deliberately
Jane
😇
Who, me?
I already made a list of stuff you were out of, don't worry.
Ilya
So you just wanted me to tell you I need you, yes?
Jane
I can neither confirm nor deny.
Ilya
Sneaky boy
Hurry back please
Jane
🏃🏻
O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵
Saturday January 24th, 2.55pm
Ilya R has been added to the group chat.
Cassie B
Ladies, like I mentioned before - for the rest of the day we are joined by a very special guest!
A charity case, if you will
Please welcome Rozy to the group chat!!
Make him feel welcome but know that he has sworn that nothing revealed in this chat will be imparted to the boys
Selena C
WASSSSSSSSSSSSUP ROZ
Lisa H
Hey Rozy!!!!
Nicole B
howdy cap!
Caitlin D
Uh oh, trouble is here!
Ilya R
Hello beautiful ladies of Ottawa
Better halves of all the smelly boys
Thank you for having me!!
Lisa H
We hear there is a romantic predicament we may be able to help with??
Caitlin D
Oh damn, can't get it up?
Selena C
LMFAOOOO
Ilya R
WHAT
NO
DID BOOD TELL YOU THAT
HE IS LIAR
Caitlin D
I'm KIDDING ROZ
Cassie B
Less than 30 seconds in and we're shit talking virility, gotta be a new record
Ilya R
Just googled virility
Feeling attacked
Attacked by the girls!!!
Lisa H
Noooo we want to help!!
Nicole B
give us the lowdown, big c
what's up?
Ilya R
Okay
So it is Valentines Day soon, yes?
And this is the first year that I will be celebrating with my Jane properly
For many years we were just casual
And now we are very not casual
Lisa H
EEEEEEEEEEEEE
Oh this is so cute I am going to scream
Cassie B
I told you this would be good
Selena C
So you're doing big plans for the first big one, right? WHAT ARE THEY????
Ilya R
Ah, you see
This is the problem
I have no ideas. Not a single idea
And I want this Valentines Day to be special because my Jane is special 💞
Caitlin D
Lord, find me a love like this
Cassie B
You're literally married Cait
Nicole B
evan literally cried when you walked down the aisle
and in his speech
and during your first dance
Caitlin D
Good point, well made
Lisa H
So Rozy, you want advice for your first big V-Day, right?
Ilya R
I have been thinking for days now
And nothing I can think of is good enough for my Jane
Selena C
I am going to fucking DIEEEEEEEEEE
Do the team know you're this much of a loveeeeeeeer boy
Ilya R
No!!!
Cassie B
Ilya, the boys have been in a room with you and Anya and/or Chiron for more than 30 seconds before
They know you're a big old softie
Ilya R
Never
Caitlin D
LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER BOY
Lisa H
Well, I think this sounds very cute Rozy
But if you're this serious with Jane then she'll love whatever you do for her!
Nicole B
i mean, guidance is no bad thing
josh's first v-day he tried to hire us a string quartet in that italian restaurant with the open kitchen on rideau
turns out he didn't know you pay by the instrument so we had one 60yo cellist doing titanic
who kept talking about his "bitch ex-wife"
Cassie B
Titanic????? SHUT UP 😭😭😭
Selena C
LMFAOOOOOO
Not the bitch ex-wife chat on V-day
Lisa H
Wyatt tried to cook me dinner our first year and burned tiramisu 🤣
Caitlin D
I'm actually so scared to ask
But how did he burn tiramisu
Ilya R
You don't cook a tiramisu?
It's cold, yes?
Caitlin D
Yes, Roz
That's why I'm afraid to ask
Nicole B
surely you're joking
Selena C
CASSIE, PERMISSION TO NEVER LET WYATT TOUCH A SINGLE THING AT A BBQ EVER AGAIN
Ilya R
Seconded
Cassie B
Holy shit, granted
Lisa H
We're off topic!! We've got to strategize, ladies 💪
But also, seconded
Selena C
Right, yes - LOCKING INNN
Ilya R
Thank you ladies
Jane is not a big dinner person
And also we still have to be private
So a restaurant is not a good idea right now
Lisa H
So we're not going to meet her anytime soon?? 😔
Ilya R
I hope soon, Lisa
But not yet
I'm sorry
Cassie B
It's all good, Rozy
We know it's tough with whatever her fancy ass job is
But we are so excited to meet her when you're both ready
Ilya R
Thank you, lovely WAGs 💕
Your stinky husbands are so lucky to have you!!
Nicole B
honestly roz, when she's good to join us, we need help reining cait in
Caitlin D
Y'all can try
Lisa H
😆😆😆😆
Selena C
A THREATTTT
Bood 🥵🏒
Saturday January 24th, 4.10pm
Bood
how's it going with the ladies??
give me deets
Ilya
An honorary WAG is sworn to secrecy
I can reveal nothing
...So far they have not been useful
But I am having fun!
Bood
lmfaoooooo
that chat goes crazy
i literally see cass roll over in bed to answer it sometimes
Ilya
Another terrible review of your game
Another own goal
Bood
man fuck off 😭
Ilya
💋
O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵
Saturday January 24th, 4.30pm
Cassie B
I have been informed that we have not been useful thus far 💀
Ilya R
Bood is a sneak and a bitch
Caitlin D
LOL
Shame on you for breaking the cardinal rule of the GC, Roz
NOTHING LEAVES THE CHAT
Ilya R
I'M SORRY!!!
I thought Bood was safe
Forgive me?
Selena C
We'll allow ONEEE error
But anymore and we'll get Cait on you
Nicole B
so many threats in this chat today
Caitlin D
I never skip arm day 💪
Nicole B
that's what she calls a handjob
Cassie B
DEAD
Lisa H
NIC!!!!
Ilya R
🤣🤣🤣
This is the best day ever
Lisa H
Right, let's start making ourselves useful
So Rozy, dinner is out - what about cooking in?
Ilya R
I already like to cook for Jane
When she is here
So I do not know how special that is
Cassie B
What's your speciality?
Ilya R
I am very good at quinoa now
I do not want to be
But I like it when Jane likes what I cook
❤️
Selena C
SHUT UPPPP
We can't keep getting distracted by how CUTE you are Roz
Ilya R
I am very distracting 😏
Cassie B
I say this with all the love in the world, Roz
you are not cooking fucking quinoa on Valentine's Day
Ilya R
I know!!
It wouldn't be good enough for Valentines, Jane eats it every day
Nicole B
every day? fucking hell is she some kind of fitness influencer
no one in their right mind would eat that everyday
Ilya R
Tell me about it
Bird food
But Jane loves it and I love Jane
Cassie B
...Okay so are we going to address the L-bomb
Ilya R
We have been saying L-word for a long time now
🤗
Selena C
HOLY SHITTTTT
Caitlin D
DAMN
Lisa H
Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Nicole B
holy shit
Caitlin D
Okay, so you've got to turn it the fuck out this year, Cap
Ilya R
Yes, I do need to do this
HELP
Cassie B
So at the risk of being potentially obvious here
Nicole B
go
Ilya R
Yes?
Cassie B
So Jane's privacy is important, right?
She's gotta keep herself a bit more under the radar here?
Ilya R
Yes, under the radar
Cassie B
Is that a local thing, or a bit bigger than that?
Ilya R
A lot bigger than that
Lisa H
Regional?
Ilya R
National
Maybe more than that
Yes, probably
Caitlin D
I SMELL A MOVIE STAR
Selena C
POP STAR????????
Cassie B
Girls, chill
Ilya R
No, neither of those
Caitlin D
Damn, I thought you were Landry-ing
Ilya R
No
I am not
Whatever that is
Lisa H
Ladies, if Rozy could tell us then he would!
Nicole B
sorry cap
Caitlin D
🙄 I know, sorry Roz
Selena C
SORRY ROZZZ
Ilya R
Is okay, ladies
I will be very excited to introduce you to Jane one day
She will love you all 💕
Lisa H
And we will love her!! 😊😊
Nicole B
we will
Cassie B
OKAY can I go back to my idea now??
Ilya R
Yes please
Cassie B
Okay so you want to do something special
What about a getaway?
Lisa H
Wyatt took me to Banff one year!! It was so beautiful
Ilya R
A getaway?
Cassie B
Yes! Like a little break somewhere, you could get a cottage somewhere private
Selena C
SEXATHONNNNNNN
Nicole B
morning noon and niiiiiiiiiiiiight
Ilya R
Ah I thought we said it had to be special, yes? 😉
Not just any other day
Caitlin D
I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT
GET IT ROZ
Nicole B
now if you're long distance how are we doing three times a day roz
hmmmmmm
Ilya R
Nicole
Do I need to remind Josh that phones exist?
📱💦🥵
Nicole B
damn ilya
the fbi man in your phone must be run through
Cassie B
Nicole I am fucking dying
Please go find your man and spare us this
Caitlin D
Horny little demon
Selena C
I cannot explain to Nick why I'm laughing so much OMGGGGGGGGGGGG
Ilya R
Nicole, I will send you link for a very good tripod
Makes roadies a lot easier 🥵
Lisa H
Omg a tripod? I'll take that link 🫣
Cassie B
LISA!!!
Caitlin D
DARK HORSE
Ilya R
Wyatt can say thank you by pulling another save like he did last week against Toronto
Nicole B
that was insane honestly
Caitlin D
Beautiful stuff 🤌
Cassie B
One day I will finish a thought in this chat
Jane ❤️💦😍
Saturday January 24th, 6.01pm
Ilya
Shane, my love
Where are you
Jane
Just leaving my parents' place!
Home in 20 minutes xxx
Ilya
Drive safely please!!
Precious cargo
Jane
Dork.
Crazy 180 from Mr "What Colour Ferrari Shall I Buy Today" 👀
Ilya
My Ferraris never had David's chicken parm leftovers in them
😚
Jane
Fuck off
Leaving now.
I love you. ❤️
Ilya
Love you more
O-Town’s Fillies Back Again 🐎👩🏽🥵
Saturday January 24th, 6.05pm
Cassie B
So like I was SAYING
A getaway
Somewhere quiet, private, in the middle of nowhere
Nicole B
and then you put her through the headboard
Lisa H
NICOLE!!
Caitlin D
For the love of god, someone tell Josh she's feral again
Ilya R
Very good idea
All of them 😏
But Jane already has a very private cottage
So would it be special?
Cassie B
Depends where you go!
What's her cottage got?
Ilya R
A lake, lots of space
Big forest
Big deck for yoga
No neighbours
Is perfect really
Cassie B
Wow.
Selena C
OH THAT SOUNDS DREAAAAAAAAAAAMY
Ilya R
It is.
My favourite place in the world
Caitlin D
Lord, find me a cottage like this
Lisa H
Ugh, same here please!!
Nicole B
no neighbours, huh
Ilya R
Not for miles 😏
Nicole B
lucky jane
Selena C
NICOLE, GO AND BANG YOUR HUSBAND PLEAAAAAAAAAAASE
Cassie B
Seconded
And oh my GOD please can we lock in for 10 minutes so that I can go and eat my husband's marinated chicken kebabs
Lisa H
Locking in!
Ilya R
Lisa, Nicole, I just sent you a link to tripod
You will like it
Sorry, Cassie!!
I have all my ears
Selena C
It's "I'm all ears" Roz but honestly, I prefer YOURS
Ilya R
Ah, yes
That
Cassie please take to the floor and save me from despair 🫨
How can I make Valentines Day special for my Jane?
Cassie B
First of all, I'm going to cry if you call her 'my Jane' one more time
Secondly, what Lisa said earlier was right - you love Jane, Jane loves you
You will have a beautiful time wherever you are if you are together
Caitlin D
Gross
Selena C
SENTIMENTALITY IN THE CHATTTTT
Ilya R
Thank you, Cassie
Cassie B
That being said
Ilya R
Ah
Cassie B
If you wanted, why not take her somewhere the opposite of the cottage once the team is done for the summer?
Swap the forest for the ocean, maybe
Keep the privacy, but plan her a little break somewhere that shows you care
Lisa H
That's perfect!!! ❤️ And Ilya, if you wanted to surprise her on actual Valentine's Day, make her a surprise box!
That's what Wyatt did for Banff - he put a postcard, some ear muffs & a snow globe in a box, all wrapped up
Caitlin D
Roz, you've got competition in the lover boy Olympics!!
Ilya R
That is very cute
And I am very sad I cannot use this in the locker room
Selena C
SECRECY PACTTTTTTT
Ilya R
Secrecy pact 😔
This is a great idea, thank you Cassie and thank you Lisa
I think that she would like that very much
Edited at 6.13pm
Cassie B
So lay some traps
Tell Jane to keep a weekend in August free
Do Lisa's cute box with some stuff in there that's specific to where you're taking her
Nicole B
and then get some
Caitlin D
I knew she'd been quiet for too long
Selena C
She was lying in WAIT
Ilya R
😈
Ladies, I think you have saved me!!
Thank you 💕
Beautiful private cottage by the ocean in the off-season with my Jane
and then I get some 🌶️🥵
Nicole B
heyooooooooooooo
Lisa H
It was our pleasure, Rozy!!!
She sounds really special 💕
Ilya R
She is.
Cassie B
I know, I'm brilliant
I will take payment in the form of you bringing the good white wine to the next BBQ
Go to that wine warehouse in Almonte for the pinot grigio
Ilya R
I will bring all the good wine 🫡
Thank you ladies!!
I have enjoyed my time as an honorary WAG
And I promise that I will not reveal that Wyatt is a lover boy
And that Boyle does not know how to do phone sex
Nicole B
lmfao
Caitlin D
We've loved having you, but the time has come
Begone
Selena C
BYE ROZYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Lisa H
Bye Roz!!!!
Ilya R
Lisa & Nicole
Good luck with the tripod 👅👅
Nicole B
already ordered
Lisa H
...same 🙈
Ilya R
Goodbye ladies!!!!!
Cassie B
See you soon, Rozy 💓
Ilya R has been removed from the group chat.
Cassie B
So are we going to talk about the description of that fucking cottage???
Caitlin D
YOGA DECK
GIRL
COME ON
Selena C
I LOVE BEING RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
💃
Bood 🥵🏒
Saturday January 24th, 6.30pm
Ilya
Bood
My glorious boy
Bood
yes dear
Ilya
Kiss your wife on the mouth for me
Make it a good one
Bood
i take it the wags helped?
Ilya
They did.
I am so looking forward to when Jane meets them
And comes to all the BBQs
Bood
me too, man
glad you got v-day sorted
Ilya
Yes
It will be 🥵💦💥💝🌊💯
Bood
get itttttttttttttttttt
i feel like a proud father
seeing my son take his girlfriend to the school dance
they grow up so fast 🥹
Ilya
I am literally your captain
Bood
you are literally my son
Ilya
Weirdest boy in the world
Bood
love you rozy
go get your tripod out 😏
Ilya
SECRECY PACT????
And I do not need it tonight 😏
Love you!
Jane ❤️💦😍
Wednesday January 28th, 8.13am
Ilya
Good morning, my darling
Jane
Hi, baby. Did you sleep well?
Ilya
Ah, never as good as when you are here
But yes, okay
Did you?
Jane
Same here. I miss you ❤️
Ilya
I miss you more & most
HA I win
Jane
🙄
Practice soon?
Ilya
Just leaving
You?
Jane
Just got to the rink.
Ilya
Go and be the (second) best like you always are!
Also, surprise for you in Google calendar 🤐
Jane
Huh?
Checking it now...
We have plans the weekend of August 9th?
Ilya
We do now 🫣
Jane
????
Ilya
🤐
Do you trust me?
Jane
More than anything.
Ilya
Say yes to having plans on weekend of August 9th.
Please
Jane
Of course
Ilya
It will be special, I promise
Jane
Of course it will. You're there ❤️
Ilya
Gross ❤️