Work Text:
Sasuke cried as Itachi touched him. He cried so hard, harder than when he made him watch his own parents die over and over again. He was beginning to wonder if it was worth it, violating his little brother like this. It's not like he wanted to. But he needed Sasuke to develop the Sharingan, he needed to see it for himself...and this was the last resort.
"Big brother, please stop!"
He sobbed, tears and snot all over his face. But Itachi held him down with all his strength, hand down his shorts, probably being rougher than he intended to be. Although, he did intend to be at least a little rough.
"Take it, runt."
He growled, frustrated. Why wasn't this working?! This should work! Sharingans have been activated for far less than this. Maybe Sasuke was just too much of a late bloomer.
"No, no, no I can't—I don't like this!"
He whined so much, thrashing around, really making Itachi work for it. The older boy would go all the way if he was hard, but he's not, so his fingers will have to do.
"Sasuke!"
He squeezed his soft flesh, tight, making his brother still in fear and hiccup in pain. Itachi took a deep breath.
"I'll let you live if you just. Stop. Moving."
Sasuke really thought about it, he could tell. The eye contact was unbearable, it was so easy to see the innocence draining from those big black irises in real time. He was thankful when Sasuke decided to close them, taking his offer and trying his best to just be calm. Itachi was still rough, but decided to reward him a little by spitting on his hand, slicking it up to make the process...easier, maybe. He would never be able to forget all the little sounds Sasuke was making. Whimpers in reaction to the stretch of his fingers, gasps at the light touches. Itachi was glad to at least provide some pleasure, amidst the wave of pain he had just caused. If he wasn't careful, he'd get used to this, seeing Sasuke as his precious little brother again. And not as the liability he is. Well, he could allow himself this moment at least. He leaned down to kiss Sasuke, with venom. He didn't want it to be nice. Hopefully, Sasuke would have a real kiss one day, one that was soft and sweet, so that he wouldn't associate it with Itachi. His eyes shot open at that, and seeing the red made Itachi smile. A wide, overjoyed smile. He did it. It was all worth it. The massacre, the molestation. Neither of them were enough to awaken Sasuke's Sharingan, but Itachi stealing his first kiss? Apparently that was enough. He held him down for a minute longer just so he could get a good look. Wow. Finally. Sasuke is set now, he will progress nicely. Itachi got off of him quickly, elegantly, once he was satisfied.
"Who knew a kiss was all it took."
He said, scoffing. Sasuke was crying again, angry tears. He adjusted his shorts, cheeks a deep red. He was so embarrassed and ashamed that he just let that happen. Itachi knows he couldn't have possibly fought back, but the taunting will make sure that Sasuke never tries to empathize with him. He needs to be the villain for this to work.
"I guess you liked the other stuff too much."
"You're disgusting! You're sick! Mom and Dad would be so disappointed!"
Of course, only a child would think of how disappointed their parents would be after something like this. Nonetheless, it did hurt a bit to hear. Because Itachi is already disappointed in himself. He always thought he could be a source of guidance and comfort for Sasuke. Now he will be the material of his nightmares. Now, he will think of him every time he touches himself, because Itachi was the first to even open up that possibility for him. Disgusting indeed. At least this secret will die with them, because he knows neither of them will ever talk about this again.
"Well, look where they are, and look where we are. It doesn't matter what they think now. I will let you live, because you were so obedient, but the next time I see you...you won't be so lucky."
He didn't even let Sasuke respond. He didn't need to be there anymore. Once he was sure he was alone and out of sight, he threw up in a bush. If he could kill himself he would. He's a monster. The Uchiha clan should die with him, but...he just can't kill Sasuke. He knows, deep inside, he could never ever kill him. Maim him? Sure. Traumatize him? Definitely. But killing him, so that Itachi may never again see those big black eyes that hold the galaxy inside them? Never. Not his baby brother. He could live with everything else.
Sasuke was so confused. One day he had a normal, loving family and the next day he had nothing. No one. Just trauma, trauma that no amount of therapy or even drugs could fix.
When Naruto kissed him that day at school, he had to run to the bathrooms and cry. That was his first kiss since...since...but this kiss was different. Chaste. And Naruto's lips were the same size as his. Itachi's mouth was bigger, since he was so much older—no don't think about that! He grabbed his head, groaning in pain at the memories.
Puberty was confusing.
He wanted to experience it like all the other boys. When they got the talk about morning wood and wet dreams at school, the other kids couldn't stop talking about it. But it made him tense up to think about. He hasn't touched himself down there ever, only to wash. But maybe he should try...? If everyone else said it was so good.
He lay in his bed, in the same compound his family was killed, by his broth—no don't think about that! UGH! Think about girls. Girls...Naruto? Fuck it, think about Naruto. Anything at this point. He thought about casual touches, soft brushes, playful sparring. He touched his stomach first, imagining Naruto. It helped get him excited. Once he was hard enough from just feeling his body, he wrapped his hand around his cock. It was fleshy, and strange. He stroked himself slowly. Ok...that felt good. Not painful. He thinks Naruto would be sloppy with it, so he tries a less precise angle. It still felt good, but uncoordinated. It fit his little fantasy well enough. So he closed his eyes, leaning his head back into the pillows. He moaned quietly once it started feeling really good. His mind wandered a bit, and a flash of Itachi's face entered his mind. He should've stopped, but he kept going, fighting with himself in his head. Itachi, Naruto, Itachi, Naruto—
"Itachi,"
He whimpered, body shaking. He was so close. He began stroking rougher, like that night. Until it hurt, until he came for the first time all over his stomach, imagining his big brother there, saying those awful words again. He opened his eyes, chest heaving. He looked around. He was alone. Once he caught his breath, he cried, ashamed. No one else thought of their family when they did this, he's sure of it. Only him. He hated Itachi for what he did to him. He ruined his relationship with his own body forever. Would he ever be able to have sex? He cried into his pillow, curled into a ball. He should just try to go to sleep. He doesn't think he'll try this again.
Unfortunately, he did try again, many times.
"Niisan,"
He bit his pillow to muffle his moans. He remembers when Itachi was just his older brother, his oniisan. Cold, distant, but still caring. He gave up trying to think of anyone else when he succumbed to his hormones. It always came back to him. Best he could do was try to imagine a better Itachi, a sweeter Itachi, one that wanted him to feel good and not bad.
"Please,"
He sobbed into his pillow. He felt that pressure begin to build. But it wasn't enough this time. There was a mental block that stopped him just as he was about to release. Frustrated, he reached his hand down and did something he told himself he'd never do. He pressed a finger inside himself, still a little wet from his shower, and a shock went through him. Just like that, he was 7 again. Not that this was new. The flashbacks always happened as he came, but this one was really intense.
He came so hard, his orgasm wracking his body. His eyes rolled into the back of his head. Itachi. He wished Itachi loved him. Maybe if he did, he'd want him to feel good, he'd come back and finish the job—whatever job that was.
He didn't cry this time. He just stared at the wall. He felt disgusting. A shell of a boy. He missed his family. He missed Itachi.
Itachi knew he'd have to see Sasuke again eventually. Truthfully, he was actively avoiding him. He knew he was alive, and that was good enough. Until he went to find Naruto.
The hatred in Sasuke's eyes made Itachi feel...bad. But he always felt bad. Breaking his brother's wrist made him feel bad, but he had to. Pushing him up against the wall by his throat, that look in his eyes—the tears...it felt familiar.
"Why don't you love me?"
He said, pathetically. As if his life wasn't in danger, to his knowledge at least. It truly caught Itachi off guard, and that was rare. He didn't have a prepared response. He just looked at his little brother with wide, surprised eyes.
"Will you love me if I'm obedient again?"
Thank fuck they were alone. Itachi dropped him, needing a minute to collect himself.
"...What?"
That's the best he could come up with.
"I..."
Sasuke was choking on his own sobs.
"I think of you, when I'm alone at night...you ruined me...and then you left me!"
He held his broken wrist, doubling over on his knees. Itachi's heart ached.
"I hate you! And I love you!"
He yelled, unable to see through his own tears.
"And I know you hate me, but I just want you to love me..."
Itachi made a broken boy. Itachi was also a broken boy, but he absolutely shattered Sasuke.
"How do you want me to love you?"
His tone is even and calm as always. It's been so long, his voice is deeper now.
"Like-"
Hiccup.
"-like that night...please? You're all I can think about...I can't help it. It's your fault and-"
Hiccup.
"-and you don't even care! Why don't you care?"
Itachi closed his eyes. He had held off on taking full responsibility, mostly because he didn't have to see the consequences of his actions on Sasuke's psyche until now. But he couldn't avoid it anymore.
"Get in the room. No use doing this in the hallway."
He opened the door to one of the hotel bedrooms. How convenient that this fight happened here. Sasuke looked at him in disbelief.
"Now."
He scrambled to his feet, trembling as he entered the room. Itachi locked the door behind him.
"You think what I did to you that night was love?"
He is even scarier now than he was all those years ago. Sasuke gulped, heart racing.
"It's the last thing I remember of you...the last touch we shared. E-even before, I can't remember the last time you hugged me..."
Why was it so easy for him to slip into the mindset of that little boy he once was?
"I was never a good older brother. Stop imagining some perfect family fantasy. Our family was doomed from the start."
He walked towards him, making Sasuke back up until he hit the bed.
"You want new memories? You want me to give you what you think is love?"
Was this a trick question?
"I want real love!"
"Well you won't get it."
He shoved Sasuke onto his back, pulling off his clothes.
"Is this what you want?"
Sasuke didn't respond, too panicked. He couldn't use one of his hands. He couldn't fight. But is this what he wanted?
"Wait! Please!"
He says, trying to crawl away. Itachi grabbed his ankle, halting him. But he did wait. Sasuke's mouth was dry. He felt like prey.
"Well? Speak now or-"
"-I want you to kiss me!"
He blurted out, Sharingan put away. Those wide galaxy eyes stared into Itachi's soul. He was really testing him.
"Take the rest of your clothes off first."
He just needed a minute to think. Just how sick IS Itachi? He will never find love, he knows that. His mind is too plagued, his heart too tainted. He can't even make friends. Can't let his guard down. And here his brother is, willing to give him everything, even after all that he's done to him. This is likely his only chance of intimacy with someone who knows the real him, or close to it. But Sasuke? Baby Sasuke? Maybe he owes it to him. He took it upon himself to fuck up Sasuke's sex life forever. The least he can do is show him a good time...make him feel loved, as he says.
Once Sasuke is done fumbling around, now naked, he looks at Itachi all expectantly. Ok, he can do this. He has so much trauma that this likely won't make a dent. He hopes. He takes off his coat and sits next to him on the bed, pulling Sasuke into his lap. He can feel that tiny heart beat a million kilometers a minute. Nearly pounding out of his little chest. Not one to waste daylight, he kisses Sasuke immediately. He's soft with it this time. Sasuke has had years to seek out a good first kiss. If he hasn't by now, then that wasn't Itachi's problem. So he aimed to give him something good. Something better to remember. He held Sasuke's face. Itachi closed his eyes, but he knew the younger boy's eyes were still open, probably horrified. So conflicted. Poor baby. He wrapped his other arm around Sasuke's waist, pulling their bodies flush together. The hand cupping his jaw moved to cradle the back of his head, his thumb resting below his ear. He wanted him to feel comfortable enough to relax. Sasuke mewled, back arching into the kiss. Itachi...cringed. His sweet baby brother, thinking this is the best love he can receive, from the only family he has left in the world. This was Itachi's fault. All of this is his fault.
Sasuke was a terrible kisser. He was shy, and was trying too hard to do it right.
"Relax, let me lead."
Itachi mumbled against his lips. It took him a bit, but he eventually just copied whatever Itachi did. Opening his mouth to let his tongue in, licking shyly at his lip. It would be cute if it was anyone else. Maybe it is cute now. Itachi could feel how Sasuke's body was reacting, with him being naked and all. He could just look down and see if he wanted to. The little rubs on his hip bone probably didn't help. Itachi felt around, easily finding his boner, wrapping his hand around it. Sasuke gasped.
"Ah—wait,"
What now? Itachi didn't move his hand.
"What about you?"
Itachi, once again, was shocked. What about him?
"What about me?"
"I'm the only one naked..."
He looks away. Itachi almost smiled.
"Why would I need to be naked?"
"Because...because I don't want to be the only one getting touched this time."
He looked ready to cry again, clearly trying to calm himself down inside his head. Ouch. This really was Itachi's karma.
"...Ok."
He gave him another kiss, to calm him down a bit. Longer than a peck, but still short. He placed Sasuke next to him and got up, stripping down to just his boxers. Sasuke got off of the bed.
"What are you doing?"
"I want to stand, and you sit on the bed—uh, please."
He was still scared of him. Of course he was, and he should be. But it still felt bad, so Itachi listened without fighting. Sasuke came to stand between his legs, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and kissing him again. He felt Sasuke toying with his ponytail, like he used to when they were still small. He always liked his long hair. Itachi reached for his dick again, and Sasuke let him. His initial instinct was to be rough, like last time, but he had to remind himself that this was supposed to be better. So he was tactful, and relatively gentle. Sasuke pulled back a little to moan, resting his head on Itachi's shoulder.
"I want...I want your...hmmf..."
He cut himself off with a whine as Itachi rubbed over his slit.
"My what?"
"I want to try head...on you."
That's what he heard it called at least. He hoped that was right. Itachi squeezed the flesh in his hands, earning a pained whimper. He fought the urge to apologize.
"You want to suck my dick? But you can't even say that?"
He scoffed, seeing Sasuke's lip quiver. So familiar.
"Fine. Get on your knees."
Sasuke did so without hesitation, looking up at him from between his legs. Itachi shivered. Never in his life would he have imagined this scene. He pulled his flaccid dick out of his boxers.
"Are you not getting off on this? Am I too old now?"
Sasuke asked, genuinely, with sadness in his eyes. Itachi doesn't know how to reassure him...reassure him of what? That he still wants to fuck him? But he never did want that. He never felt that way towards Sasuke, but he can't tell him the real reason.
"No...Sasuke,"
He sighs. What a mess he made.
"I just need more than a little makeout session. So get to it."
Sasuke has no idea what he's doing, they both know that, but he tries his damn hardest. He tries taking the whole thing in his mouth, only able to fit about ¾ of it. He sucks and licks around, eyes closed as he concentrates. He uses his non-broken hand to hold onto the rest of the flesh, touching it as if it was fragile. Itachi breathes through his nose. He hasn't been blown before. But it feels...good, actually. Even with an amateur. Even with his brother — oh god, he can't think of that or else he'll never get hard. He closes his eyes and just focuses on the feeling. The breathing. Sasuke is able to do more once blood starts filling the appendage. And the slurping sounds only send more blood down there. Once fully hard, he can only fit half of it in his mouth. He hums around his length, popping off to get a look. Itachi looks down at him, confused as to why he stopped. He sort of regretted it. His lips were all shiny from spit, as well as his chin. They were puffy from all the kissing. And at that moment, he decided to lick a stripe from the bottom to the tip, making eye contact as he did so. Itachi didn't need that image, nor the accompanying twitch of desire.
"Sasuke..."
He groaned, rubbing his face with his hand. All his fault. Why else would his own brother be so eager to suck his cock? That's not normal. But Itachi made him think that was love.
"My jaw hurts."
He says, nuzzling against his thigh. Itachi really can't believe it.
"Yeah, my body wasn't made for yours...I'm much too big for you."
Sasuke panicked at the perceived rejection. It took Itachi a second to realize that's how he took it.
"No, I'm perfect for you, I'm your little brother, I can take anything you give me...!"
Broken. Fuck.
"Calm down. I'll still fuck you, even if you can't handle it. Because that's what you want, right?"
He felt vile saying those words out loud. But the relief on his face was worth it. He nodded.
"Then lay down."
He got to his feet only to crawl back onto the bed, lying on his back. Itachi settles between his legs, so that he can grip both of their cocks at the same time. Of course, when he stroked, he wasn't able to get his full length, only able to go as far as Sasuke's. It didn't matter to him though. What mattered was the way Sasuke's head leaned back, and how he moaned pitifully.
"Ah, yes,"
He whined, hips rocking with his hand. He kept at that slightly slow pace. Maybe he didn't want to admit it, but he liked seeing how desperate Sasuke got. How wound up and frustrated he became.
"I-Itachi...faster, please,"
He said, breathless.
"No. I decide, not you."
He whined in response. Brat. Once he was reduced to little whimpers, unable to chase that high, Itachi stopped.
"Hnn...hh...why?"
He whispered, eyes half-lidded.
"I have more planned. Since you want me to take every experience from you...flip around, onto your stomach."
Sasuke was hesitant, but did so. He squeaked in surprise when Itachi grabbed him by the hips, pulling him up so that his bottom half was elevated. And then...and then he started licking him.
"Ah!"
His tongue lapped at his asshole, hands gripping his thighs roughly. Sasuke has never felt anything like this. He moaned into the pillow, legs shaking. Itachi was ashamed at how hard this was making him. He chalks most of it up to the blowjob, but maybe he's enjoying this more than he'd hoped. Sasuke does make for some sweet background noise. And his hole is clean. Did he prepare for this? Surely not. Itachi wouldn't be doing this if he had lube, but he needs to prepare Sasuke for his cock somehow, and this is the best way. He hooks 2 fingers inside of him as he mouths away, hearing and feeling the moan that comes out of him. Sasuke pushes back against him, wanting more. Chasing the pain and the pleasure. Itachi is messier than he'd usually be, making sure to get him as wet as possible, pushing his saliva into his hole with his fingers, scissoring them as much as he can to stretch him out.
Sasuke was on another planet. His flashbacks weren't bothering him as much, they faded in and out quickly. He had the real thing now. Perhaps what he's been craving. Maybe this is healing him. Maybe if it feels good enough, it'll fix the past. Once Itachi can hear all the squelching from the wetness, he knows he's ready.
"Ok, Sasuke-"
"-wait!"
He's used to this by now. Sasuke shuffles around, on his back again.
"I want to look at you while you do it."
How does he say that so casually? Itachi ignores it and lines his dick up with Sasuke's hole. His narrow eyes flick up, meeting those worried, doe eyes that look so much like their mother's.
"Relax. It'll hurt less."
And then he presses in, slowly, watching as Sasuke's hungry body devours his entire length, not without pain, of course. Sasuke is groaning, hissing, biting his hand. His chest rises and falls quickly. Itachi exhales, letting his hair cover his face. He's so fucking tight. Oh, what would their parents say? What would anyone say? Maybe if Itachi had anyone else to live for besides Sasuke, he would care more. But this is what Sasuke wants, so this is all Itachi cares about right now.
"Hnn, ow,"
Sasuke says quietly. Inside, some part of Itachi still feels protective whenever he sees Sasuke in pain. He wants to ease it, make him feel better. But nowadays, he's the main cause of his pain. How hypocritical.
"Shh,"
Itachi shushes him, leaning down to kiss him again. Sasuke eagerly kisses back. It loosens him up almost immediately, but he still waits a little longer before moving. He doesn't want to seem too soft, so he starts at an average pace. Not soft enough for a beginner, but not too hard either. Sasuke moans, back arching. They keep kissing for a bit, until both of them are pretty into it. Until Itachi is able to pull away and like what he sees. Sasuke's eyes have glazed over a bit.
"Aaaaaonii- Oniisan,"
He babbles, body limp. Itachi feels his cock jump at that, and he digs his nails into Sasuke's hips. He hasn't heard him call him that in so, so long. It's horrible to mix those memories with this abhorrent act they were doing. But this was their relationship now. And Itachi was still his big brother, no matter how he acted. He couldn't dwell on the past. This is Sasuke now. His little brother, who loved him in ways he shouldn't. But he still deserved to feel loved back. Itachi sped up, hand wrapping around Sasuke's dick again.
"Niisan, ohmygod,"
He cried, hyperventilating at all the stimulation. He was all red and sweaty.
"I love you, I loveyouIloveyou—a-aah,"
He couldn't keep up with the words. Itachi felt a swell in his heart, different from the guilt. He loved him, and Itachi loved him back, so much. Even if this was how he had to show it.
"You're such a good boy Sasuke,"
He pants, allowing himself this moment to let his guard down a little.
"Such a good boy for onii...you were made for me,"
He repeats what Sasuke said earlier. Maybe he was made for him. Maybe this was their fate, to be the last Uchiha, depraved and lonely. He kisses him again, as he feels his high come to a peak. It wasn't much of a kiss, with the way Sasuke couldn't keep his mouth closed, but it did the trick. Itachi happily came inside of his brother, even using his cum as lube to keep thrusting until Sasuke spilled his own seed all over himself. His body got all tense before relaxing again, eyes still rolling. He probably wouldn't be coherent for a bit. Itachi pulled out of him, pausing for a moment to watch his white fluid leak out of his little brother, feeling...possessive, maybe? He could process it later. He had to go before Kisame came looking for him. He quickly cleaned himself off and re-dressed.
"We will meet again, Sasuke."
Sasuke was too tired to protest. But the tears came by themselves. He never said I love you back.