Chapter Text
Excruciating? No, no. That wasn't the word for the numerous amount of betrayal that Sou felt from whom he once called a friend. He's lost everything.
Everything.
He lost Mutsuko, and now Erina. They no longer communicated with each other after the trial. Because she backstabbed him, she gave up the friends she made at a desperate attempt of escape that she ruined for herself.
All he felt was hurt. An aching amount of hurt. And that feeling couldn't be rubbed off it's.. tragic? Maybe that's how he could put it, tragic.
Yaitabashi's whole existence was.. tragic. Now everyday he just isolated himself inside his dormitory, even though it wasn't safe he didn't care. What was even the point of living like this?
He was bound to die soon, being the only blind person he had a target located on his back. He didn't want to die to someone else, so maybe if he–
No. He couldn't think of that, he would never kill anybody no matter what was at stake. Even if it meant seeing Mutsuko again. Seeing Mutsuko again.
That was it, he could kill to see her. But, he wasn't that person. If anything he was physically the weakest link. Who could he kill? Fucking Ikeda? Even so, Tei is always with him.
Maybe not so much after the bleeding stuff but still. He didn't want to kill, he needed to kill. He could see her again. She was the only person who could calm him down when Daiki would provoke him.
Now she's no longer, just a distant memory. This whole train of thought was full of agony and misery. If only he could relieve his stress somehow.
His already bad vision blurred with tears as he thought about all this longer, he wiped them away reluctantly. He looked at his pale, clean wrists. Relief.
That's a feeling he wanted to feel. Maybe, a little bit of blood wouldn't do much. A little cut would fade away.
But goodness, Sou didn't even want to rise from the floor. But to sit in a pool of sorrow without doing anything to help it was worse, so he hesitantly pushed himself up.
His legs trembled and felt sore. Yaitabashi began to start walking to his door, he felt his knees almost buckle. He ignored it and opened the door.
It creaked open and slowly and he squeezed through the door frame. He walked down the halls looking down at the floors.
He didn't want to talk to anybody, he didn't feel the need to. He hoped that nobody would try to socialize with him either.
He walked toward the kitchen, where him and Mutsuko would talk and cook. It felt so empty there now. It didn't have that same livelihood it did as the past.
He just stood there, he honestly hoped nobody was in there seeing him grab a knife. Hopefully they didn't think he would kill himself or anything.
Well, he probably would but not now. He also didn't want anybody to worry about him and his wellbeing. Because he just felt so worthless.
He started to walk forward a bit toward the silverware, he stared at the shining and silver metal. Looking at his options, he couldn't cut himself with a spoon, a fork wouldn't do much..
A butterknife probably wouldn't be sharp enough, a machete? Hmm, too violent for him. He grabbed a mundane knife.
He tried to angle it out of sight to anyone who saw him, especially so they wouldn't ask. Now he had to do a walk of shame back to his dormitory.
During the walk it was the same as the way toward the kitchen, when he actually got near his dorm he was stopped by Atsushi.
Sou was sleeping in Atsushi's dorm for bit because his keys went missing, and now his door couldn't lock. He hoped Tei wouldn't see his knife that he was carrying..
Actually, he wouldn't be able to see it at all, unless he labeled. Yaitabashi holding the knife as a threat, which he probably would have.
" Um, " Tei smacked his lips before continuing, it was kind of awkward because Sou looked so, tired. " Yaitabashi, are you.. okay? " He asked.
Tei noticed Yaitabashi's state, he didn't even know if Sou had been eating, which he probably wasn't because well.. He looked so starved, disheveled.
" I'm fine. " Yaitabashi said bluntly and dismissed Atsushi. He wanted to just, be alone again. " I-Right, right, I just wanted to.. check on you. " Atsushi apologized, Sou just nodded and hoped he would leave.
" Do you want me to go?.. " The pink haired boy asked, Sou nodded. Tei waved goodbye and headed back to wherever he was in the first place.
Yaitabashi let out a sight of relief and hurried back to his dormitory. He shut the door behind him and leaned against his bed frame.
He stared at his wrist again, and then the knife. He gently brushed it against his wrist, he was kind of.. scared?
He was scared to cut. He wanted to but, he didn't wanna feel the pain, but this was the only it could help him, right? Right.
He angled the tip of the knife to a lower part of his arm, he closed his eyes and just.. sliced that part with all his strength. He held back any noises of agony so no one would hear him.
But it hurt, he felt the blood leaking out from his arm. It spilled onto the floor, and honestly? It actually helped.
He wanted to do it again, again, again, and again. Until he was idle, until he couldn't even move. So with each swift movement he cut deeper, and deeper.
More blood pooled around him and onto his clothes, but he kept cutting. Too deep, deep enough to the point he saw his own skin separating.
The sigh of his flesh of disturbing. But it was so, helpful? It helped him feel better. Even if it made his health worse but now he just felt better overall.
One arm was covered in cuts and blood, painted a scarlet color. He admired his body. He became a bit more resistant to the pain as he continued. Making large, and small cuts across his arms.
Some of the blood on his left side was dried up, some fell on his clothes but he didn't care. He just.. kept doing it. The knife colored crimson, and his arms too.
Covered in mass amounts of blood, he could feel his eyes grow heavy. He wasn't dying, but he was tired. Tired of everything, he didn't really want to sleep.
He probably had sleep paralysis or.. something by now, he had missed about two full days of sleep. He was getting weaker by the minute.
He almost fell asleep before he heard frequent banging at his door and distant yelling. The voice was familiar, it was Hirose.
Hirose was basically the student's doctor, because he basically was. He was already qualified despite being only sixteen. Shingo yelled from outside. " Yaitabashi! Open the door, I don't like to barge in so please. "
He begged, Yaitabashi could hardly continue to harm himself, could he even walk all the way to the door? " Yaitabashi! " Hirose called again.
Sou remained silent and idle near his bed, blood still streaming from beneath and onto him. He was covered in sweat and blood.
" I'm coming in now. " The doctor said, his tone neutral and a bit worried. He gently opened the door with precision. He peeked inside to see Sou.
Covered in blood, his arms absolutely covered and absorbed in the red liquid. The sight was clear.. and real. And gloomy.
" W-Wha... What the hell?! " Hirose yelled, staring at Yaitabashi quite short frame leaning his bed, a knife perched beside him on the floor. Covered in blood, along with his wrists.
" Yaitabashi! What's going on?! " Hirose quickly crouched down to Sou and picked him up quickly. Shingo needed to help him with his wounds, this was bad. Why the hell did he do this?
Hirose carried Yaitabashi outside the door and quickly to the medical bay, passing by everyone in the hallways, they stared at Hirose as he sprinted throughout the hallways.
When they reached the medical bay, Denden and Isoda were just talking inside there, but when they heard the door they were.. shocked.
" Y-Yaitabashi! " Denden called out, she risen from her seat to Sou, Hirose layed him gently onto the medical bay beds. " What the hell happened to him? " Mion asked with worry in their tone. They peeked at Yaitabashi and immediately turned away after seeing his state.
" Someone pass me bandages, now! " Shingo demanded, Denden jumped a bit at his serious tone but obeyed. " Ok! Ok! " she scrambled through the shelfs to find bandages, she grabbed whatever was left and tossed it to Hirose.
He wrapped Sou's wrists with care and speed, but still very precise. He wanted to wrap it quickly because he didn't want to see the gore-y sight of blood smeared across his wrist.
As he was wrapping his arms, he seen Sou falling asleep, he didn't want to interrupt him so once Hirose finished with his arms, he gently placed them on the bed.
" Huh, he fell asleep pretty fast huh? " Isoda pointed out, Hirose nodded in agreement. " Yeah, I've been hearing him leaving for the past two nights. Most of the times I was out in the hall I saw him. "
Shingo said. " Ooh, Why were you outside though? " Mion asked, Hirose just brushed it off like nothing. " It's.. Nothing. " Denden frowned as she was secretly listening on the conversation.
" Come on Doctor! Pleaseee tell us? " She begged, Shingo groaned and still didn't give in. " It's nothing. " he dismissed. " Ok, ok, no need to get so defensive Doc. " Mion said, they let out a little snicker.
———
The medical bay was cold and dark inside, no one else was there with Sou. He was all alone and vulnerable, he didn't even remember what the hell happened besides him cutting his wrists.
After thinking about that he stared at them, they were wrapped with bandages, a few gaps since Hirose was rushing. That was the first time Sou had slept in two days.
He didn't even know what time it was, but definitely past midnight. Yaitabashi sat up on the bed, looking at his surroundings and the dark scenery.
He looked at the pills, and medical supplies that only Hirose used of course. Seeing them glimmer in the dark room. His eyes still felt heavy as he only slept for a few hours. He heard something speak to him.
It sounded like her, but it couldn't be.. right? No, he was being weird. The voice quietly whispered to him something she would say.
Easy, Yaitabashi.
It sounded exactly like Mutsuko, like a doppelganger. It was creepy, Sou turned his head quickly around the room to see if she was there, which she wasn't. So who was this?
" ... M-Mutsuko? " He muttered, hoping the voice would respond, for some reason, this voice gave him hope. Maybe she was actually alive.
Just.. take it easy, rest.
It responded, it didn't say anything about what or who it was, but it sounded like her so Yaitabashi just kept believing it was Nishiguchi.
" Right. " Yaitabashi reluctantly lied back down, crawling under the relatively warm blankets. His arms still aching and burning from all the open wounds he had. Nishiguchi could calm him down, so if he rested.. he would be calm.
Nishiguchi was like an angel, no.. a god to him now, serving her every order. Being obedient to what she says. He was loyal to the dead. This was it, a beginning of a new world, a new journey.
A rebirth for Sou, he could see Mutsuko agains. If he could hear her, then maybe he'd be lucky enough to see her.
Just maybe.
Or,
Maybe not.
Just maybe.