Chapter Text
Regina had been watching the snow fall for so long that she had begun to ignore the icy draft seeping through the cracks in the living room window. Her head rested against the fogged glass, her gaze almost hypnotized by the flakes blanketing Mifflin Street like a vast white sheet. It was an afternoon so cold it could have served as the inspiration for the Christmas carol echoing from the kitchen. In the song, a young woman tried to find a good excuse to leave, while the gentleman in the duet insistently repeated "Baby, it's cold outside" at every turn.
Regina could hear Mary Margaret and David’s voices humming along, taking turns with the verses. Without much effort, she pictured them stolen away in her kitchen, risking a few dance steps like the hopelessly lovestruck couple they had always been. She caught a few off-key notes echoing from the other room and, for a fleeting moment, felt a twinge of regret for agreeing to host Christmas Eve at her house. In truth, Regina didn’t quite remember consenting to be the host for the family gathering, but Mary Margaret had insisted they had settled the arrangement weeks ago, back on Thanksgiving. When the Charmings showed up at her door on Christmas Eve morning, unloading crates and bags of food in front of the mansion, Regina simply gave in, watching them march into her kitchen with unwavering confidence.
It was good to have them around, despite the invasion. The relationship between the Charmings and the Mills sisters had shifted over the last few months, driven by Snow’s initiative to bring both sides of the family together. This included sporadic lunches at Granny’s and casual get-togethers at each other’s homes to talk about nothing in particular. At first, Regina had been hesitant. Even though they had moved past their stormy history, she didn’t think they shared enough in common to justify such closeness. However, Snow’s project had flourished, grounded in the key points that united them and sparked frequent, productive discussions: raising children and life back in the Enchanted Forest.
Footsteps descending the stairs interrupted Regina’s reverie. A familiar hand came to rest on her shoulder, and the redhead figure of her sister stopped beside her, her attention equally drawn to the landscape outside.
"You’re reflective today," Zelena noted, the statement carrying a question between the lines. Regina smiled at the quiet gesture of care.
"I was just thinking about how quiet the last few months have been," Regina replied.
"Interesting. I’d say waking up several times every night isn’t exactly my favorite definition of 'quiet,'" Zelena remarked, referring to little Robin.
"I could use some sleep myself," Regina said with a sympathetic smile. "But I mean the unexpected events that used to be so common in this town. Monsters, enemies from the past. This stillness we’ve had for... several months now... still feels atypical.”
The brief pause didn't escape Zelena. Storybrooke had lived in a state of calm since Killian Jones and Emma Swan’s engagement party. A few weeks after the event, Emma and Killian had set sail on an indefinite voyage, seeking their own version of peace beyond the city limits. They seemed in no rush to organize a wedding; to anyone who asked, they simply replied that, for all intents and purposes, they were already together.
Regina still remembered the dinner where Henry told her he’d been invited to join them. The boy hadn't opposed Emma's departure when she asked for his opinion before making preparations. It was clear he was happy to see one of his mothers with someone who loved her and would take care of her. Yet, he hadn't shown any interest in going with them at the time. Since then, the bride-to-be and her son had kept in touch through calls and the internet. Regina chose not to take part in those conversations. Generally, she didn’t comment on or ask anyone for information about the engagement or the future wedding. Zelena understood why she remained so guarded, and in her own way, she kept her sister company in her resignation.
But it was 4 PM on one of the biggest holidays in the country. It was inevitable that Emma and Killian would come up, especially when everyone in the family was likely wondering the same thing.
"Do you think they’re on their way?" the redhead asked in a low voice, even though they were alone in the room.
Regina found humor in her sister’s sense of discretion. Their intimacy allowed her to decipher questions asked without context or names. Regina also found it ironic that Zelena was seeking information from the one person who had the least.
"Snow thinks so, since they didn't come for Thanksgiving. And you know how important these holidays are to her," Mills grumbled, rolling her eyes at her old friend’s predictable nature.
"That’s a good thing, right?" Zelena asked.
Regina nodded silently, thinking of how much Henry had missed his other mother these past few weeks. The future Mrs. Swan-Jones.
"I’m going to prep the pie before the roast goes in the oven," Regina said, giving the comforting hand on her shoulder a light squeeze before heading to the kitchen.
Regina was getting very good at that: the habit of suspending her thoughts whenever they began to drift toward the other mother of her child. Whenever possible, she tried to occupy herself with something manual and productive to keep from being consumed by her own restlessness. In the months since the engagement, she had made an effort to remain neutral regarding everything involving Emma. Except, perhaps, when she received expectant looks for some sign of appreciation – on those occasions, Regina did her best to keep her true feelings hidden. Not just to avoid questions, but because the unease she kept behind her artificial smiles didn't feel fair or worthy of being voiced.
Emma and Killian’s union was symbolic, proof that everyone had finally reached their happy endings. Regina, too, finally felt comfortable in her own skin after a tortuous journey of reconciling with her past. However, she wondered if this was truly the destination of her long trajectory. She had overcome countless hurdles on her path to redemption, and now that she had reached something resembling inner peace, it felt like a solitary peace.
It was unsettling for Mills to realize who she wanted to share this calm with, while simultaneously understanding that the person in question was out of reach. That impossibility made her question if even her redemption wasn't enough for her to deserve a conclusion as happy as those she had considered enemies for so long. The conclusion always left a bittersweet taste in her mouth, sent her mind into a downward spiral. If not for her habit of diverting her own attention, Regina felt she could spend an eternity reflecting on how she had lost the loves she, deep down, felt she never deserved to begin with.
*
After some persistence, Snow and David agreed to head back to the loft to change for dinner, leaving little Neal already dressed with the Mills sisters. Regina finished her kitchen prep and took the opportunity to go to Henry’s room to remind him to get ready. She was surprised to find him nearly dressed in dress pants and a plaid sweater. As he finished fixing his hair, she leaned against the doorframe and watched him with admiration.
Henry had hit a growth spurt in recent months. Mother and son were only close in height when she wore high heels. He had matured significantly as well. He had graduated high school that year and was spending much of his time studying for university entrance exams. She was proud of the young man he was becoming, though she couldn't help but miss when he was small and needed her help even to pick out a Christmas outfit.
Henry saw his mother’s reflection in the mirror and turned with a smile. "So, how do I look?"
"You look handsome." she replied, approaching with a smile to adjust his collar. She buttoned his sleeves for him. "And for once, I didn't even have to rush you.”
"I’m practically an adult now, Mom," he said with conviction.
"Sometimes I forget that." Regina murmured, smoothing down a few stray hairs. She noticed a slight, flickering tremor in his smile, a sign he wasn't entirely happy. "Is something bothering you?"
Henry tucked his hands into his pockets and shrugged. He didn't want to dwell on his discomfort, but he knew there was no escaping his mother’s sharp gaze.
"Do you think she’s coming today?"
Regina didn’t even blink in confusion. It was obvious he was asking about his other mother. For a moment, she wondered if her sister and her son had made a pact not to mention Emma Swan around her, or if they just assumed she would know who "she" was.
"The last time we talked, a few weeks ago, the signal was terrible," Henry continued. "She said it would be even worse where they were heading. I didn't get to ask if they’d be back for the holidays. Since it was before Thanksgiving, I figured they wouldn't make it then, but I thought..." He trailed off, frustrated, but forced a small smile.
Regina stroked her son's face, her gaze full of understanding. He had inherited that same sense of resignation from her.
"I really don't know, honey. Your grandmother thinks so.” She watched him nod, despite the disappointment in his eyes.
"It's okay. Well... I’m going to hang out with Robin and Neal in the living room, so you and Aunt Zelena have time to get ready". Henry gave his mother a quick kiss on the cheek and left the room.
His disappointment was palpable to Regina and, as a result, she felt it too. Not just because of the holiday absence, but because Swan hadn't shown up for his graduation, which had taken place three months after the couple's departure. The Charmings had told her a few days in advance that, according to Killian’s forecast, they wouldn't make it back in time. Regina had left Emma the daunting task of telling Henry she wouldn't be there, and the Savior had spent the call alternating between excuses and apologies.
Henry had remained understanding. He felt he was too old to complain about a parent being missing from a school event. Besides, he’d had the chance to go with Emma on her adventure and had turned it down. First, because of his other mother; he didn't want to leave Regina alone with no return date set. Second, because he wanted to give his blonde mother and Killian their privacy as a newly engaged couple. Third, because traveling like that would imply a family dynamic that, in his view, was incomplete. To Henry, any family structure that included one of his mothers but excluded the other made no sense. That was why he had such high expectations for tonight. It had been a long time since the whole family had been together.
Regina felt a sense of peace watching everyone in her living room. Zelena and Snow had been debating some TV show for half an hour. David and Henry were taking turns singing Christmas songs on the TV karaoke. She was surprised by how well they sang, joking that they should form a duo. Little Robin was entertained by the music, clapping when a song ended and playing with toys scattered on the rug.
Meanwhile, Regina paced calmly through the rooms with Neal Nolan nestled in her arms, trying to get him to sleep. She whispered sweet words and hummed the melodies that used to soothe Henry as a baby. As she walked through the upstairs, the doorbell rang, and suddenly, the house fell silent.
Once the front door was unlocked, the voices returned, louder and more excited. Regina heard overlapping cries of "You’re here!", "How was the trip?", and "We missed you!". For a split second, Mills considered not going down, but she immediately realized how pathetic that would be.
She looked down at Neal, still fighting sleep. Regina stroked the child's cheek and smiled at his effort. He was getting bigger and heavier; she had to adjust him in her arms.
"I bet she really wants to see you, Neal.”
She walked back down the hallway, descended the stairs, and within seconds, reached the warm chaos of the living room. She heard Emma asking her mother where Neal was.
"Regina is trying to get him down, you have to see how much he's grown..." Snow stopped when she saw Mills enter the room, drawing the newcomers' attention. The Queen took them in quickly: Killian still favored his black leather. Emma was wearing a fitted navy blue dress with a V-neck and an elegant knee-length hem. She held a coat dusted with the snow that was still falling outside. The classic look suited her, even if it wasn't a style Regina imagined the Savior preferred.
Emma stepped forward to take her brother; she tried to make eye contact with Regina, but the Queen remained focused on little Neal Nolan’s expression upon seeing his sister. The baby, though sleepy, recognized Emma and reached his tiny arms toward her.
"Hi, Regina," Emma said with an awkward smile as she settled the boy in her arms.
"Hello," Regina replied with a polite smile, turning to the others before her expression could betray her. "I'm going to check the roast, but everything should be ready in twenty minutes.”
"I’ll help warm up the side dishes," Snow offered, but Regina waved her off.
"Don't worry, Snow. You've been helping all day. Take a break.”
"I’ll help you set the dining room table," Zelena said, plopping little Robin into Henry’s lap and kissing the top of her head. She left the room before Regina could make an excuse. Regina had the impression that Zelena was only being helpful because she wanted a front-row seat to her reaction to the final guests.
After several minutes of uncomfortable silence in the kitchen, with Regina focusing intently on the main courses while her sister moved around her – shuttling utensils to the dining room -, Regina finally stiffened. She crossed her arms and leaned against the island, her eyes fixed on the oven.
"I’m fine. Can you stop staring at me?" she hissed.
"How do you know I’m looking? You don't have eyes in the back of your head, as far as I know," Zelena teased.
"I know you’re waiting for a reaction," Regina whispered back sharply. "It's annoying, Zelena. Stop looking at me like I’m about to make a scene.”
"You’re already making a scene," Zelena whispered back, rolling her eyes. She finished taking the trivets to the other room and came back to sit on a stool next to Regina. "I just want you to know I’m here. If you want to talk later.”
"I know, Sis," Regina said, offering a grateful smile and taking a deep breath. For a moment, she wished the night would pass as quickly as possible.