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Jesse's eyes are open, staring at the black void in the ceiling, the moonlight is the only source of illumination in the place; her body is sore from the wounds of combat and her mind is exhausted after several days of wakefulness; but no matter how hard she tries she can't close her eyes and get some rest, at least not until she finds a way to free Axel and Olivia and get her friends home.
As she has been doing for the last hour, she rolls over to see her friends deeply asleep; on her left side is Lukas, the blond looks too peaceful and is even drooling into the pillow he cuddles; Jesse wonders how the hell he can be sleeping so peacefully when they may have their freedom taken away from them the next day and will be forced to work in the mines and fight in the arena as entertainment for the rest of their lives; then she turns, expecting to see Petra with the same serene look she has maintained every time she turns to look at her, but she flinches and her eyes widen as surprise overtakes her, Petra is looking at her with tired eyes and a look somewhere between morose as well as judgmental.
“Would you stop? You've been doing that for the last two hours.” Jesse shrinks, she had rarely angered Petra, and was actually questioning if she had ever seen her so furious; even hours after confessing her deal with Hadrian.
“Sorry, I can't sleep.” She mutters, but can't help but look away, a part of her thinks she deserves that, to be judged by her friends for the decisions she has made; even if it was for their good, that didn't take away from the fact that she was somehow abandoning them; at least that was the conclusion she came to.
They look at each other in silence, Jesse actually expects the other to simply finish judging her and turn her back on her, but in reality the redhead's gaze softens, and the black-haired one actually thought she saw concern in Petra's eyes.
“Why do you always do that?" The way the words come out of the redhead's mouth are soft and sad; the moonlight reflects the tears that slide down Petra's cheeks; when she doesn't receive an answer she decides to insist with another question: "Why do you think that sacrificing yourself is always the solution to everything? You know that together we can fight against everything.” Jesse feels guilty, she said that just before they passed through the portal, she felt hypocritical at that moment for not being true to her word.
“It’s just, I don't want you to be imprisoned if I don't win the games," she confesses, feeling anxious at the thought of seeing her friends being forced to work as slaves; but she knew there was another reason too, and that Petra wanted her to confess it too, "but I also feel I'm to blame for always getting us into trouble, sometimes I think you would be better off without me, if I just left." her voice trembles, she feared her friends would think she didn't want them, but she saw no hate in Petra's gaze, only guilt.
“No, it was my fault, if I hadn't insisted on going through that Portal…”
“We would still be in the hallway, looking for a way home, we might never have made it back," Jesse said, "but if I had never decided to try the flint and steel, we would still be home." she cried silently, clutching the scratchy blanket that covered her body.
“I…” Petra doesn't know what to say, and Jesse feels she's right, that she's really just a bad luck magnet for her friends. “but if YOU had never used the flint and steel, then Aiden would have found it." Petra smiles, that same smile she used to offer Jesse when she made a joke or when she wanted to make her smile.
Whatever it was, Jesse wasn't in the mood for it. “Yeah, but I…”
“And if you hadn't used the flint and steel, who would have defended Sky City?” Jesse looks at her, Petra's perspective was very different from hers, where Jesse was a villain to Petra she was a heroine “Who would have discovered the identity of the white pumpkin and stopped it from continuing murdering its guests? Who would have freed the civilians of Mesa City from the mind control of a supercomputer? It wouldn't have been Aiden.” Jesse laughs a little, and Petra follows along, happy that her friend finally stops self-deprecating herself.
When they stop laughing they take a moment to look at each other, after fighting in the portal hallway and Petra almost killing Jesse while under PAMA's mind control, a moment of rest was something they both needed.
“Hey, we'll get through this like we always have, I promise." Petra says and Jesse nods in agreement, the black-haired one's eyelids finally start to get heavy and she lets out a slight yawn; Petra lifts her blanket a bit, offering a space on her bed to Jesse, who comes over with her and settles down next to her. “Get some rest, sleepyhead, tomorrow we have a game to win." the other girl laughs, resting her head between Petra's collarbone and neck, finally Jesse can have a restful sleep.