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Anaelle found Jem mid-meal at a small table in the Hilt. With no preamble, Anaelle tipped her spirit chair to plop herself into the wooden chair opposite Jem.
"Gender," said Anaelle. "Explain."
Jem looked up from their food. "Well, hello to you too." They scrunched their mouth to one side. "Gonna need you to narrow it down just a liiittle bit. What about gender?"
"I do not even know where to begin. Let us begin with you, I suppose. What are you? What is…" Anaelle gestured vaguely to Jem from top to bottom. "All of that?"
Jem raised their eyebrows and huffed a laugh, hands on their hips. "Wow, when the Maker was handing out tact, you just saw some weird magic thing and ran off in the opposite direction, huh?"
"Tact is a waste of time," said Anaelle tersely. "You did not answer my question."
"Hmm…" Jem tapped a finger on their chin thoughtfully. "If everyone else is yes or no, I'm maybe. Both and neither at the same time."
Anaelle huffed. "Why can't you ever say what you mean?"
"I am saying what I mean," Jem insisted. "Okay, listen, it's really not that complicated. I'm not a woman or a man, but I am some of both. And when it comes to what I look like, I like to blend masculinity and femininity in a way that reads as ambiguous. I think confusing people is fun."
"Clearly," said Anaelle. "How can you be both? They are opposites."
Jem shrugged. "Maybe to you."
"Not simply to me. To most people."
"Well, I don't play by the rules. They're made to be broken and all that."
"But how can you stand to break them? Even rules I do not like must be followed."
Jem looked at Anaelle intently for a moment, and it made her very uncomfortable. She hated it when people looked like they were starting to understand what was going through her head better than she did. "Anaelle," said Jem, "do you want to break the rules?"
Dammit.
"No! I…I don't know. I have been…thinking…about things," Anaelle admitted reluctantly. "Ugh, this is foolish."
"It's not foolish," they said. "What kind of things?"
It was so annoying that they were being understanding about this. If Jem had taken offense and refused to answer any questions, Anaelle could simply have gone back to pretending there was no reason to ask questions, which would have been so much easier.
Anaelle heaved a sigh. She had already started, so she might as well keep going. "Most of the unspoken rules about how people are supposed to behave have never made sense to me, but especially the ones about gender. Men are like this and women are like that. Utter nonsense. It makes me think people like you have the right idea about the whole thing," said Anaelle. "But…all my life, others have treated me as though I am not enough of a person to get to have a gender." She gestured to her legs. "Like I am not really a woman, because real women's bodies are whole and functional. If I gave up on womanhood, would I be surrendering to their skewed view of me? Would I be proving them right?"
Jem considered what she'd said, taking a bite of their bread roll and chewing thoughtfully. "Okay," they said around a mouthful of bread. "Um…"
Anaelle wrinkled her nose. "Ew. Do not speak to me with your mouth full."
"Gosh, all right, fussy pants," said Jem, still with their mouth full, and swallowed. "So. #1. You don't have to 'give up' on womanhood. You can be more than one thing. #2. If you decided you're not a woman anymore, that's not 'giving up' on womanhood. You're just changing your mind. It's not like you swore a sacred oath to the sisterhood or something. #3. Do you care what anyone else thinks in any other context? Fuck 'em! Do what you want to do. I mean, you were a rebel mage! Fighting the templars and the whole Chantry! After that, rebelling against a silly little thing like gender should be a walk in the park."
Anaelle nodded slowly, taking it in. "Hmm," she said. "You…make a compelling argument."
Jem shrugged. "I'm not arguing anything. Just giving my two coppers. Like I said—do what you want to do."
"That is part of the problem," Anaelle said, hunching her shoulders a little self-consciously. "I do not know."
"It's a process. You're not gonna figure it out instantly," said Jem. "But getting to the point where you can start asking questions is one of the hardest parts. You're already there. Good job!" They tried to clap Anaelle on the shoulder, and she lurched sharply to one side to avoid it as if Jem had come at her with a sword.
"Do not touch me."
"Whoa, okay, sorry."
"But…thank you. For talking with me about this."
"No worries," said Jem cheerfully. "This is kind of becoming a thing. You're not the first person, and you probably won't be the last."