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April- Spring has arrived, although it didn't feel like it would after she left, but it was here. Blooming. Nature doesn't wait for anyone. The cherry blossoms withered little by little painting the sky pink. Kousei held his music notebook close to his chest as he walked past the exact place he first saw her. He remembered the glow on her face, the beauty of her smile as spring embraced her like a butterfly.
It was last year. Kaori left kousei and the world behind. Everyone's last memory of her was that smile that never seemed to disappear. She was always smiling. Only kousei saw her crying and yet he doesn't remember her for that, he only remembers her warm smiles.
Life had moved on, he didn't. He went to music school now. He moved to the dormitory, left his home behind. But his heart was still here, lingering in the warmth of spring, searching for that spark.
"Spring break?" Watari was still here.
"Yes." Kousei smiles a little. Watari nods and they walk together towards the familiar place that held so many memories.
"Tsubaki won't be home this time." Watari informs him. Kousei just nods. He knows that already. Tsubaki hasn't been home in a year now. She left.
Their last interaction was something that still troubled kousei but he seems to have forgotten about it by now. What was tsubaki mad about? Why did she cry as she told him to leave? He never pondered enough about it.
Tsubaki's absence in his life was unusual. He never got used to it. No texts, no calls. Kaori was a fleeting spring in his life, she came and left. But tsubaki was his constant, his home but now she also left him. He didn't know what he was supposed to feel.
"You should go find her, kousei." Watari stops, kousei doesn't realise when the blue sky gets dark, clouds fill up the sky. They stood in front of the school playground where their memories lingered. Kousei could still hear them, the laughters and cheering.
"But.."
"You can't lose her, kousei. You can't." Watari is no longer that cheerful chaotic teenager when he says it. He means it this time.
"But would she come back? Do I even have the right to call her back?" Kousei knows he doesn't. He was the one who abandoned tsubaki. Even though she stood by his side constantly, he pushed her away.
"That's for tsubaki to decide. But you must find her." Watari doesn't wait for an answer as the rain comes pouring down. He just runs off.
Kousei stands in the rain, drops trickled down his hair, his clothes and his notebook. This time he cannot save it. So he let's it go. He throws it away.
July- Summer was brutal, hot and humid. Kousei came home for the summer break on hiroko's request. Nagi wanted to participate in a duel concert, so he would be her partner.
Tsubaki was still not here. And kousei had not tried to find her.
When he looks over at the window, he finds it dark. Tsubaki was not there. She was not there to listen to him play the piano. The light that always reached his room was longer there, now he realises how dark this room actually was. It was always the light from her room that illuminated his own and showed him the way around. Without it, he didn't know the way, he bumped into his own piano.
It was the mid of July when his neighbour's home burst out in panic, someone was crying, someone was yelling no begging on the phone. Kousei found himself on his feet, standing at the door huffing. He saw tsubaki's mom on the floor crying as her dad talked on the phone.
"Kousei! Tsubaki......she got into an accident. She....!" Her mom could barely speak.
That's when kousei's world went blank.
'No. No. This can't be happening. Not tsubaki. Not her.'
It was raining as they entered the hospital in a rush, they ran.
"Tsubaki!! My baby." Her mom cried as they watched through the small glass window of the hospital room, doctors gathered around her, she was barely visible. Blood was on her hands.
Kousei's heart had almost stopped.
This is not true. No.
Why was still happening? Why was history repeating again? Was it his fault?
His eyes remembered kaori, back when he saw her struggling, how her hand stretched and then fell.
Two days later- "kousei?" Tsubaki couldn't believe it. Why was he here?
Careful arms wrapped around her body, enveloping her, his head rests softly on her shoulder and tears soak her gown. Kousei trembles but he doesn't let go.
"I am fine now." Tsubaki reassures but kousei keeps crying. He refuses to meet her eyes. Tsubaki had undergone surgery on the day of the accident and had been unconscious since. Just two hours ago she woke.
"I thought......I lost you."
In that moment tsubaki's heart turns painfully.
"I am not going anywhere. I will always be here." She knows promises don't mean much to him. Because he has been lied too.
"You know when I was sleeping, I saw you in my dream. You were crying just like now. That's when I realised I couldn't leave you. Not like this." Tsubaki chuckles when kousei's head turns to her in an instant showing his tear stained face, runny nose and red eyes.
"I couldn't do that to you, kousei. I had to stay." Tsubaki looks away, at the window from where the summer sun was beaming. The room was painted in a dark shade of orange.
"I am sorry." Kousei didn't know what he was apologising for. Tsubaki didn't need an apology, she needed a commitment yet he couldn't provide that.
"You don't have to be sorry for anything." Tsubaki's words held weight, a weight kousei didn't understand. She was no longer that carefree childhood friend he once knew. She has changed. Her hair was longer, crossing her shoulders, her eyes were firm now and she no longer joked around much.
"You know, I really hate music."
"And I know how much you love it." Tsubaki seems to be basking in the sunset beam, her face golden, eyes scarlet and voice fragile.
"Music always took you away from me. And I let it happen."
"I know you still play for her. Your eyes yearn for her in every performance. Your fingers move in her rhythm." Tsubaki's eyes seem to falter. She no longer looks at that blazing sun. Her palms fidget.
Kousei knew all that. But somehow as he hears it from tsubaki, the wounds start to reopen.
"I miss the days when you used to just play and I was by your side. When it didn't matter who it was for." Tsubaki's smile grows wider yet it doesn't seem like she is happy.
"I took that for granted. I thought everything will remain the same. But now everything has changed." Tsubaki's voice cracks. Kousei almost panics but something anchors him in place.
"You're a good person, kousei. You're also a good musician. I know it doesn't mean much coming from someone like me. But once you asked me to compliment you and I never did." Kousei remembers that. He definitely does.
"I thought my words didn't mean much. I am sure they still don't matter. But I really wanted to compliment you, kousei."
'They did matter. Your words did mean a lot to me. They meant everything to me.'
"You didn't need any compliments, kousei. And even if you did, she gave you all of them." Kaori. Yes, kaori always did.
"She made me realise my feelings. She left before I could do something about it. And she took you with her." Tsubaki laughs a little. Why was she blaming the dead? What good would that bring her?
"I am sorry, kousei. But you must leave me. I need my life back. I have given you too much already. I can't anymore." Tsubaki cries finally and kousei doesn't know how to comfort her.
It was true, tsubaki gave him too much. She gave a part of herself and kousei never did.
"I am sorry." He says again. This time so unsure. What was he sorry for? And how was sorry going to fix anything?
"It's not your fault." She says even though she is crying.
"One day I hope you can play for me. I would love to hear that." That was what tsubaki said at last before he left.
A month passed by, summer break was over and he was back in school. Tsubaki was recovered, she went back to school. After that day at the hospital, he didn't visit her. He couldn't visit her.
As he now sat in front of the piano of his highschool. The piano that only belonged to him, a sophisticated room dedicated for him, no broken windows or scattered sheets. Everything just felt strange. No one was playing baseball outside, no ball was breaking any windows and no one was bringing him egg sandwiches.
And as he played the piano. Her face came to his mind, miyazono kaori. The girl who lived in his heart and mind. He felt her fingertips as he pressed the keys, heard her voice as he hummed and felt her eyes as he closed his own. She was still here.
___
Three years later- Highschool graduation day. Kousei barely attended his, he quickly collected his certificates and left for home.
"Kousei! Congratulations!" Watari was still here like he always was. Still smiling and loud. "You too. Any plans for national football?"
"First I have to get into a sports university." Watari said. "What plans do you have, mr pianist?"
"I have to win the winter classical competition, then I can get into music university."
"You can do it!" Watari gave him a few back slaps. Kousei nodded with a smile.
"Tsubaki already got into **** university. She chose communication and marketing as her major." Watari informed. Kousei just nods. He has not talked to tsubaki since the accident. In the past three years they have never crossed paths. Even during breaks, they never saw each other.
It was like tsubaki really left. But kousei knew she didn't. She was still there. He just had to find her.
November - The winter competition. Kousei was nervous for the first time in a while. His breath was shorter and heavier, his legs felt like jelly. As hiroko hyped him up and nagi held his hand, his head just spiralled.
When he finally went on stage and sat down. He took a deep breath. He closed his eyes. His fingers found the keys, they pressed one by one in a steady rhythm. The silence was broken the tune of the piano.
'This is for you.'
There she stood, her eyes gleaming, hair bouncing and her voice bold. And when he opened his eyes and turned his head, completely ignoring the music sheet and the piano, he saw her there, far from him.
His eyes locked with her soft ones. She was here. She was always here. Tsubaki.
His fingers ran on their own, his eyes captured her. And she smiled. Kousei played for her. He played for tsubaki.