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A solemn chill blows gently down the hallways of the facility, slowly climbing up your form until you’re fully trembling. With every ceiling length window that you pass, the moon peeks out at you, illuminating your path with a soft, pale grey light. The click-clack of your dress shoes come to an abrupt halt when you finally get to your door; The cold of the staff dorms melting away the second you enter the warmth of your room. You can feel the tiredness falling off your limbs the longer you stand by your bed. The weight of the day’s duties bear down heavy on your shoulders, and thinking about it now, your days have been a lot more taxing since the observatory had taken up new animal exhibits.
Your supervisor had no qualms calling it that, but it still made you uncomfortable. It started a few months ago; Seemingly regular people began donning animalistic features, eating habits, behaviours, just out of nowhere. They were more human than animal, but that didn’t stop the wave of people wanting to study them.
Beastmen, was the name scientists finally came up with a month after their discovery.
Your observatory was one of the several that fought to keep the incoming beast men within their facilities, framing it as a way to give the hybrids a good home, when everyone else knew the higher ups only wanted the novelty of having them. Obviously, this gave entomologists like you a lot more to deal with. You were one of the lucky ones at first, your boss completely focused on spreading out the beast men to the more capable scientists, gathering the funding for their enclosures. He only remembered you existed about two months ago.
The soft ding of your phone’s notification knocks you out of your reverie, drawing a tired sigh from your lips. It’s logo on the notification status bar is enough to make your eye bags sag lower; The observatory’s security system keeping the bar there until you finally click on it. It was slightly irritating, but at least you only got security alerts for the enclosures you were in charge of. A brief walk around your wing of the observatory had put you at ease, all the animals were settled for the night, which left only one more. You already know who’s enclosure will pop up, but you still click on the alert anyway.
Movement detected in Enclosure #305
The grainy security feed soon lights up your phone screen, giving you a less than perfect view of the dark, grunge room you had gotten used to seeing in the past few months. A small TV lights up a fraction of the room, spreading it’s flashy glow across a face you know all too well; Dark black bangs hanging over a perpetual frown, small beak poking out against the darkness, dark green feathers hanging out from the hem of his nightwear. Your one and only beast man ward.
It takes you almost thirty minutes to navigate your way through the halls, each step plunking heavy across the solid white panelling as you cursed the whole way. Your wing was too far from the employee dorms, another reminder of your status in the office hierarchy. You never minded before, but with all the stress weighing down on your psyche, the brief stroll suddenly felt like a day long marathon.
Your staff badge flashes across the enclosure’s scanner briefly, the loud beep it lets out making your ears cringe. Much to your surprise, the TV is still on, the sounds of muffled dialogue and loud movie effects reaching you even from behind the one way glass. You learnt a long time ago that your ward had some of the best hearing in the facility, every time you came down to scold him for sleeping poorly, he would already be pretending to be fast asleep, the TV completely switched off. Your hand finds the microphone attached to the control panel in front of you, dragging your body forward until you’re right in front of it.
“Rin, go back to bed.”
You drag out his name in a way you know he hates, already grinning as his light green eyes find yours beyond the glass, shimmering in the stark darkness. There’s a slight softness in them, mixed in with a heavy annoyance that makes the smile on your face spread wider.
You remember the first time Rin walked into your facility; Cold, angry, shut off. No one could make conversation with him without trying to tear their hair out in frustration afterwards. The only reason you knew he existed was because of the stories people told you. Back then, so many colleagues warned you to stay away from him, according to them, he’d gotten into a fight with another beast man only a few days after his arrival, and things only got worse from there.
Even with all the warning and red flags, you hadn’t managed to stay away from him for long. Every animal in the main observatory you considered your fur babies, but the birds had a special place in your heart. You’d begged your supervisor to let you handle him for just a second; You’d even made a deal, if you couldn’t get him to behave in a month, then you would hand him off to another worker. So imagine your surprise when Rin started to calm down in only two weeks. It wasn’t as easy as your colleagues made it seem, it took a lot of compromise, yelling and ordering around to get to this point.
You’d like to think both of you are something close to friends, but you’re certain if you asked Rin, he would give you a completely different answer. Still, you can’t deny both of you have gotten a lot closer lately. It feels like he’s a lot touchier too; During check-ups, impromptu visits, short conversations in the hallways, his hands always reached out to touch your hair, your clothes, brushing away bits of dirt that you couldn’t even see. And as much as your co-workers made fun of you, you were glad he was a lot more comfortable with you.
Rin is still staring at you from his nest, fidgeting with the end of his sweatshirt, a small motion of guilt at you catching him awake like this. You’d drilled it into his head over and over again, just because he was a nocturnal species didn’t mean he couldn’t sleep at a reasonable time like everyone else, he was still partly human, and if he didn’t get a consistent amount of sleep you would be the first to get in trouble about it.
Your hand finds it way over the control panel, stopping short over the closest button to you, before your finger presses into it. The TV’s light quickly cuts off, plunging the room in a complete darkness that forces you to squint to notice the outline of Rin’s form. You glance down to your phone, the security feed still plastered on the screen, expecting the night vision camera to give you a view of him curled into his nest, hopefully already falling asleep. When the feed comes up empty, you can feel your eyebrows furrow in confusion, your head snapping back up to the glass automatically, finger hovering over knob that would give the room it’s light back.
Your shoulders snap up to your ears painfully, your whole body practically taking a screenshot as the sound of Rin slamming himself against the glass echoes through the enclosure. His dark coloured feathers had fully blended into the darkness, keeping him hidden until he was right in front of you, the end of his beak almost twitching into a smirk. He’d done it on purpose.
“I can’t sleep..”
You watch him shrug his shoulders like he hadn’t almost killed you, still staring deep into your eyes as you let out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose while the headache radiating at the back of your head slowly shifts to your cranium. Both of you stand there for a solid minute, silent until you switch the TV back on, scanning your badge on the door to his room, your hands shooing Rin back into the pillows and sheets he’d arranged to make his own bed.
It takes ten minutes for both of you to get comfortable; Your coat, shoes and badge scattered in a corner on the floor, fingers curled deep in Rin’s hair as he rests his head in your lap, still fidgeting with his shirt, taloned hands almost poking holes into the fabric. You were trying hard not to look at whatever gory thriller was playing on the TV screen, your full attention on trying to get Rin’s short locs to twist into tiny braids. That didn’t mean you weren’t paying attention.
Both of you had found a routine now; When the worst parts of the movie came up, you would look anywhere else but the screen, and if the movie went back to normal, Rin would tap the inside of your thigh to let you know you can look now. It helped, even though sometimes you wished he would just stop watching these kind of movies entirely, or at least not when you were around.
You feel a small tap on your knee, looking up to see most of the action has died down, the characters focused on trying to find a way out of their situation. The movie finally draws you back in, your fingers coming to a halt in Rin’s hair, much to his despair. With your gaze still focused on the screen, you can feel him take your hand in his, the rough scales of his palm lightly brushing your skin as he drags your hand down to the soft feathers at his neck. You give in almost immediately, curling your fingers back and forth until you’re stroking the space under each feather, trying not to laugh at the almost imperceptible hum of satisfaction he lets out.
“That guy’s kinda cute”
Your hands stop carding through Rin’s hair momentarily to point at the screen, the grey box now filled with a close up of one of the character’s hardened, bloodied expression. You don’t recognise the actor, but you don’t need to to point out that he looks good; Dark hair, even darker eyes, piercings dangling so far you’re surprised they haven’t fallen off in the movie’s continuous chase scenes. Rin stiffens under the weight of your hands, turning slightly to stare at you before he’s flopping back down into your lap so hard it seems like he’s upset.
“You have a shit taste in men.”
“Rude!” He only lets out a huff when you smack his shoulder, laughing and scoffing at you at the same time. The judgement rolling of him makes you want to defend yourself, your chest puffing up a little as you push his shoulder one more time.
“I just think he looks good, he’s not my exact type! I like more mature, quiet guys… His character’s really annoying.
Rin seems hell bent on pretending not to acknowledge what you said, giving you a non-committal hum, even though you can hear the slight smugness in it. You’re almost tempted to ask why he cares, but an ear splitting scream erupts from the TV once more, unfortunately dragging your attention back to it.
The movie goes on for another agonising thirty minutes, ending just the way you expected it to, with the pure, nerdy final girl running away with her life barely intact, leaving her friend’s dead bodies behind. Sometimes you wondered how Rin entertained himself watching movies that were all essentially the same, but it kept him busy, and that meant you didn’t have to spend as much time keeping him in check. Your legs groan under the weight of the man in question, almost going completely numb as you shake his shoulders, suddenly aware of how steady the flow of his breathing is.
He’d gone still a few minutes before the movie ended, and you assumed he was just really into it, his habit of going almost still like a corpse whenever he was watching something he liked didn’t go unnoticed by you. Your chance to sneak back into your own bed had just slipped out under your numb legs; He’d essentially trapped you here. Your back finds a pillow in the make shift nest immediately, a tired sigh echoing around the now silent room. You let your eyes close for a second, the tiredness taking over your body faster than you’d thought. Maybe if you woke up early enough, you could slip back before you risked one of your co-workers catching you in here.
You had not woken up early enough.
Your eyelids felt like sandpaper, taking you a massive effort just to try and open your eyes. A small part of you didn’t even want to, the pillows you were settled on seemed way more comfortable than the ones in the staff dorms, and the warm presence near you only pushed your psyche further and further into sleep.
And you almost allow yourself to fall back into that warm darkness, until a sharp ringing finds it’s way into your ears. Your body reacts to it before your mind can actually process the sound, jolting out of the soft pillows so fast it almost gives you vertigo, mind clogged with confusion as you try to gain your bearings.
It takes you a few minutes to realise you’re still in Rin’s enclosure, your legs and neck cramping painfully from the position you somehow still managed to sleep in. Your back collapses in on itself in complete exhaustion, keeping you in that half fetal position for a second before you fall back into the pillows, your alarm still ringing into the dark expanse of the room. The man in question is also laying in the pillows beside you, dark bangs falling into his eyes as he stares at you, blinking innocently as you turn to face him. It looks like he’s been awake for a while, his usual nightwear switched out for a plain black turtleneck and equally black jeans.
“Have you been watching me sleep this whole time..?”
You watch him avert his gaze, seemingly thinking about your question before those narrow eyes are directed back at you again.
“Don’t flatter yourself. I just woke up a few minutes ago”
He does a good job of pretending he can’t see the quick look you give him, rolling over to fish for something on the other side of the nest while you try to plan out your day from here. You could still slink back to your room, not without missing the smug looks your friends and so-workers would give you, but you could make it to and fro in time to go about your tasks for the day. Rin finally comes up from where he’s been crouched for the past few seconds, flashing your phone at you with a raised brow, the time reading 12:37pm. You drag a tired hand down your face, letting out one more sigh as you stare up at him.
“We’ll just do your check-up now”
…
About an hour passes with you asking Rin all the regular questions; If he’s been feeling off, if he’s been eating well, sleeping well.. Things you already know the answer to, but still have to ask because of protocol.
Plus, you can’t exactly do anything else. You don’t have any of your tools, not even your usual clipboard. Your memory is serving you well so far though, the questions coming to you easily enough, and Rin answers every one perfectly, or at least in ways where you can’t ask any follow up questions. You wallow in the silence of his room soon after, still wracking your brain for anything else you might’ve forgotten.
Against your own wishes, the image of Rin sitting by himself, watching TV yesterday pops into your mind, the words “Do you feel lonely?” so far on the tip of your tongue it takes all the energy in the world to swallow them back down. Your co-workers found out it was a lot easier for their wards to make friends amongst their own species, but that was easier for them because they all had so many. You were technically all Rin had.
“Are we done now?”
He almost looks relieved when you nod your head, already looking for the TV remote while you scramble to pack up your things. Bringing up your concerns now wouldn’t actually do anything; You could already imagine ten different responses he would spew out, just to get you out of his room faster. Unfortunately for you, you have to take the first step for him. You turn back to him one last time before your ID touches the scanner, a part of your heart dropping to see him already curled back up in front of the TV, making a mental note to come back with at least one beast man.
“I’ll come back with my stuff and then we can talk some more, okay?”
A soft hum is all he gives you before you’re trudging back to your own room, keeping your gaze locked on the floor while your legs carry you past your colleagues and other beast men with unprecedented speed. You manage not to bump into your supervisor the whole way, but the smug, knowing looks your co-workers give you is enough to make your face burn hot.
…
Finally getting the time to freshen up and pick up all of your tools isn’t the thing that wastes your time, it’s the wild goose chase you go on afterwards that hinders your progress. The only reason you were in your room for longer than your usual fifteen minutes was the allure of warm water and your soft, scented sheets that kept calling you back, turning that fifteen minutes into forty. Now, your main concern was finding anyone that could lend you an owl beast man for just a few hours, and find them before Rin lost all interest in being social.
It felt weird having to lie, but that was the only way you could get any of the other scientists to help you out. Every time you walked up to a new person, you tried to frame it like some behavioural experiment; You wanted to see how two beast men of the same species would act in an enclosed territory, and that part was kind of true, but apparently the sincerity in your eyes wasn’t enough to convince anyone.
Rejection after rejection, reasonable ones, but it still hurt. It was obvious the co-workers you never spoke to didn’t trust you enough with their wards for a task that wasn’t mandated by your boss, and the people you were close to coincidentally didn’t have the time to take part in your shoddy experiment. Even with the back to back disappointments, you still find yourself wandering the facility, accosting almost every member of staff you see, nearly tearing your hair out as you make your way to the very last wing of the observatory.
Every “no, sorry” you hear echoes in your head, making the smile on your face grow tighter and tighter until you’re certain it looks more like a grimace now. Your feet carry you over to the last person in the tiny office, a kind looking guy that smiles the second he notices you. The words almost catch in your throat, your last hope in this man you’d never seen before, in a wing so far away from yours it might as well have been in another country.
“Sure!”
“…Wait, really?”
The man is already grabbing his badge while you’re still standing there in shock, not believing that someone would actually give into your whims. He looks at you like you’re stupid, the eyebrow raised contrasting the smile still on his face.
“I mean, why not? My Reiko needs some friends too, it would be a good experiment.”
The beast man he’s talking about is stunning in a cold kind of way that makes you want to shiver every time you make eye contact with her; Obsidian black hair styled into a sharp bob, bright yellow eyes that could probably shine in the darkness, the streak of light beige fur that form a crest contrasting against her dark brown feathers.
She gives you a curt bow to your outstretched hand, her expression still in it’s calmest form as the scientist lightly scolds her for being too cold. She reminds you so much of Rin it’s almost scary, but that gives you hope, maybe they would get along. Reiko mostly stays silent on the walk over, letting out small hums of acknowledgement while you try to give her a good grasp of what Rin is going to be like.
“He’s actually pretty nice once you get to know him”
“Hm.”
The awkward laugh you give her isn’t reciprocated in the slightest, a tense silence coming back full swing to slap your one-sided conversation in the face as you finally get to your wing, almost tearfully scanning your badge at the door. Rin is still sitting in his nest when you walk in, the book sitting in his lap mostly rendered useless by the movie playing at volume 100 on the TV in front of him. You give Reiko one last nervous smile before leading her into the room, trying to ignore the piles of clothes and wrappers that crinkle and drag along your feet.
Rin takes his sweet time acknowledging both of you, lazily turning his head in your direction as he gives you a once over. You watch the corners of his eyes crinkle in suspicion when he finally notices Reiko, a storm cloud essentially passing over his face the longer both of you stand there staring. It takes you about two seconds to introduce them, a slight cringe settling on your shoulders as none of them make any move to speak.
“I’ll be right outside..”
You can see a lot clearer from behind the glass than you could last night, not that there’s much to see anyway. Rin and Reiko are still standing a few feet away from each other, keeping a steady eye contact for what feels like hours. Reiko gives in first, slowly stretching a taloned hand out, clearly extending the olive branch. You make a mental note to thank her guardian profusely, and maybe ask for a few tips on how he trained her. Unfortunately for you, Reiko’s grand gesture does the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to; The feathers spread across Rin’s neck immediately start to rise, dropping his neck into his now hunched shoulders. The look on his face has gotten even darker, a nasty glare that raises the hairs on the back of your neck.
You can’t see much of Reiko’s face, but even from behind the glass you can almost make out her beak forming the words “calm down”, which seem to do anything but that by the annoyance still hanging over Rin’s features. Dread locks itself in your stomach before you’re already fishing your badge out of your pocket, getting a glimpse of Rin’s hand gripping his book like he wanted to throw it as your rush to the door.
It seemed delusional, but a small part of your actually thought Rin would behave. You knew he wasn’t perfect yet, but he was doing a lot better.
Reiko still has that blank look on her face when you get to her, twinged with a bit of annoyance like she was watching a child throw a tantrum. You mutter a quiet apology as you take hold of her shoulders, doing your best to smooth down her own rising feathers as you guide her out of the room. She takes about ten more apologies from you before she’s gone, giving Rin one last once over as both doors slam shut behind her. Your head snaps to Rin the second she’s gone, he looks a lot calmer now, though he’s still sulking, book still firmly placed in his palm as he looks off into the distance.
“What the hell was that?!” Your voice comes out a lot louder than you wanted it to, but it’s too late, the burning offence on his face tells you that much.
“I don’t like random people in my room. You know that.”
“I was trying to help you socialise, you didn’t have to be so hostile. She was being nice!”
It felt like you were going red in the face. You didn’t want to say it out loud, you weren’t that upset yet, but this was your problem with Rin. You truly wondered where he got this flippant but headstrong attitude from. He’s out of the nest now, almost an inch away from your face, staring down at you with an expression you can’t place yet.
“You don’t need to help me make friends, I’m not a child. I don’t need anyone else.”
“Well, with how much I have to babysit you everyday, you practically are!” You regret the words the second they fly out of your mouth, shame swiftly taking over your previous disappointment. But now, you can actually figure out the look on his face. It’s hurt; A flicker of disbelief that lingers in the lighter part of his irises before it’s gone.
“Is that what I am to you? Someone you have to babysit?”
He turns back to his nest, each excuse you try to utter bouncing off the coldness of his back. Whatever movie playing on the TV soon drowns you out, every time your mouth opens, the screams on it get louder and louder.
“Fine. Then get out.”
For some reason, your legs can’t find the energy to move. It feels like you’ve gone back in time, back to the first time you ever brought Rin in with you, back when you basically had to beg him just so you could do basic tests; Back when your supervisor was on your case everyday, trying to convince you you were too new to take on more responsibilities, you can almost hear him shouting at you already. It feels like it’s been hours by the time you manage to make it out of the room, your legs going numb as you trudge down the hallways, flopping into your room while small pinpricks of tears threatened to spill down your cheeks.
It’s very obvious Rin is trying to ignore you. You use the word trying because he still makes enough of an effort to appear in front of you anytime he could see you in public; During the facility’s busiest hours, passing by your table during lunch. And each time without fail, his bright green stare would burn into the back of your head until you turned to look at him, then you were forced to watch him snap his head back down before you can actually catch him staring.
The first few days of your silent war, you’d decided both of you still needed time to cool down. You spent that time practising how you would apologise whenever he stopped being upset enough to talk to you; You’d even gone the extra mile, begging the facility’s main chef to kill a few small animals to add in and make a specialised green tea rice dish so he’d have no choice but to accept your apology. It was a miracle you didn’t scream that day. After three solid days of gracious distancing, you carried the savoury dish to his enclosure, apology letter tucked neatly into your coat’s pocket.
Rin hadn’t even looked at you once, focusing his attention on the screen ahead of him, his head flopped into his folded arms, cheeks almost puffing up like you’d expect from a toddler. Trying to read out your letter did even less, and by the time he pushed your peace offering back to you, nearly pouring the hot broth all over your clothes, you took that as your cue to leave for the day, placing the neatly written letter right next to the steaming bowl.
That routine somehow goes on for another three days; To your co-workers, you must look like some diligent guardian, going off to see your anti-social little ward every day, staying as long as the work day lasts, almost loosing hair from how badly he’s stressing you out. But a lot of it was just you sitting cross-legged in his enclosure like some awkward acquaintance, waiting for him to turn down the TV so you can finally talk. Having so much time to think finally makes you turn some of the blame to yourself; Owls are territorial creatures, you learnt that much back in your intern days in the main facility, but you had hoped the human part of Rin would relax a little. Plus, this level of pettiness really didn’t seem worth the crime you had apparently committed.
It’s shocking how long it takes, but only after a week and a half do you realise Rin is actually following you around like you owe him money. According to a little test you’d done the first time you noticed, every time you walk for a while, there’s a 70% chance you’ll see him duck into a corner if you quickly turn around.
You’d gotten used to this habit of his a long time ago. It happened whenever he was bored, any books or movies he had mostly came out of your paycheck, so when he’d run through them like water, it then became his personal mission to shadow you until you got him more. That’s where he got most of the opportunity to brush dirt off your hair and clothes, and even while upset, he clearly fell into old habits.
It irritates you a little.
Rin has made it obvious he’s not going to talk to you at all, not even to let you apologise, but he was allowed to follow you around like a kicked puppy? Along with following you at every turn, he also did a good job of ignoring the tired glares you gave him every time the two of you made eye contact.
For the first time in a while, your feet don’t carry you down your usual path. The hallway of your wing watching you walk by every other hour, suddenly gaining a generous streak as you run errands for some of your busier co-workers, a much better fate than watching Rin sulk in his room. Most of your friends worked in the labs, doing most of the biological studies that went into figuring out how beast men worked. Unfortunately for all of you, that meant you couldn’t see each other as often. Your mind floats back to your ventures when you were all interns as you make the long walk towards the labs, a few snacks tucked under your elbows as a back up just in case anyone wanted to chase you out.
The labs are as busy as you expected them to be, a flurry of scientists and interns rushing in and out of every office with a quiet kind of efficiency. It doesn’t take long to find your group of friends, some hunched over microscopes, while the others draw and pin up close up images you can’t even begin to decipher. They all greet you the second you walk up to them, grinning at the snacks you drop off on a nearby table as one of them guides an empty stool towards you.
Everyone quickly gets back into the flow of work, your work tablet radiating it’s pale light onto your features as your fingers float over the screen. It’s been close to an hour before you feel someone sit beside you; Long black hair packed neatly to the back, kind brown eyes and a small smile. A face you’ve known since high school.
“So..” she starts, shifting her stool until she’s fully rolled up to yours. “What’s going on with you and the little owl?”
You cringe at the word “little”, subconsciously reminding you of your own harsh words that day. Then confusion very visibly crosses your features, puckering your eyebrows as you drop your tablet on a nearby desk.
“Nothing.” The lie tastes like ash on your tongue, but you continue anyway, smoothing out your expression. “Nothing’s going on, why?”
Your friend tilts her head to the side, the knowing smile on her face now replaced with genuine concern.
“Really? But when I went to visit your office last week, some other owl beast man told me you guys were fighting”
Shame quickly spread across your body, heating up your face and the back of your neck as she keeps staring at you, a careful hand now on your knee. Clearly it was your fault for thinking Reiko would keep quiet about what she saw, beast men like her reported to anyone in a higher position if they just asked the right questions.
You gaze back at your friend, the gentle worry on her face immediately making you open your mouth until you’re telling her everything, from your concerns to your current stalemate with Rin. Your friend nods carefully, hand scratching her chin as she hums softly with each revelation you spew out. You let out a heavy sigh, dragging your hand down your face.
“It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have brought another owl into his territory. Clearly my time at uni taught me nothing..”
Surprisingly, your friend softly shakes her head, placing one hand on your knee again as the other rubs your back.
“I don’t think that’s the only issue though..”
It’s almost shocking how much it makes sense when your friend finally starts explaining, her hands drawing boxes in the air that connect the longer she went on for. A lot was still to be discovered about beast men, but from their nature alone, it was so easy to tell they could still feel complex emotions unlike their animal parts. It was those complex emotions that fuelled the more animalistic behaviours beast men exhibited. Another friend walks up to both of you during your talk, only giving his opinion after both of you explained what was going on.
“Yeah, she’s right. Maybe your owl thought you were pushing him away and took it out on the other beastman”
The theory only made you even more upset at how inconsiderate you had been, all the silly words and bribes pumping even more embarrassment through your body.
“Still.. he knows I would never..”
Your other friend shrugs, perching himself on the edge of the table right beside you, one of your snacks already in his hands as he pops them into his mouth.
“He probably wasn’t thinking about that. It happens. Plus, when you have a crush you start over analysing every little thing.”
Both of your friends nod in unison like that was the smartest thing they’d ever heard, the two of them talking about their own things while a deep sense of confusion wracks every inch of your mind.
“What??”
The two of them turn to you, uncertainty making it’s way across their faces as they stare at you.
“What..?”
“Wait.. who has a crush on who?” Your head flicks between the two of them, watching your mutual misunderstanding morph into an understanding that widens your female friend’s mouth, an expression that would’ve made you laugh at her if you actually knew what was going on.
“Oh my god you’re kidding..”
All the questions you had for her are quickly drowned out by the loud cackles both of your friends let out, staring at each other for a second before they’re laughing even harder. Everyone’s eyes are on you now, the ones farthest from your little group looking on with concerned looks, while those closest to the little talk you were having seem to be cracking smiles as well. You snap back to attention when you feel a hand slap down on your thigh, tears hanging from your friend’s eyes as their smug smiles start getting to you.
“We’re talking about your owl, you idiot!”
“Oh poor thing..” The friend to your right is fully wiping away tears now, holding onto his stomach as he’s clearly trying to hold in more laughter. “No wonder he looks so mad all the time. If I had a crush on someone as oblivious as you, I’d also be stressed out”
In the midst of their frenzied laughter, your mind is still reeling. The concept of Rin having a crush on you when he essentially treated you like an on and off jester was insane, the shock on your face only making your friends laugh even harder.
It was also slightly embarrassing; How obvious was Rin’s apparent “crush” that almost everyone in your office could tell, but you, the closest one to him, somehow couldn’t.
“You don’t believe us, do you?”
You’re shaking your head before you can even compute the question, denial still surging through your veins at rapid speeds. You watch your friend shake her head in disbelief, genuinely scanning your face for any sign you could’ve known before bringing her hand up into the air, counting off each finger.
“You’re the only one he’s nice to, in fact, you’re the only one he speaks to. Every time I see the two of you, he always has his hands all over you like he’s grooming a baby bird. Isn’t that how owls show affection?”
She turns to your other friend for backup, giving you a gloating smile as the other traitor nods his head in agreement.
“See? How are you the bird nerd but I figured that out first?”
Your friend quickly shifts out of the way of the slap you were about to land on her leg, an unbelieving offence fully settled on your features. You had to admit she had a point; You were so happy Rin had finally gotten more comfortable with you that you didn’t think about what his actions actually meant. The energy that day had been so explosive, you weren’t actually listening to what he was saying. He didn’t need you to play matchmaker for him because all the moments you had with him were all he needed. The realisation only makes you even more upset, your eyes stinging with a familiar sadness as the chatter of your friend’s taunts gradually die down.
“Look, if you still don’t believe us then why don’t you try and test him? That might even solve your little lovers’ quarrel”
“Yeah, actually!” Your friend snaps out of her own reverie, making an exaggerated thinking face that finally draws a small huff out of you. “If he sees you with another beast man, won’t he get jealous and finally talk to you?”
The idea alone is enough to make you snicker again, the thought of Rin dragging you away from someone in a jealous huff so ridiculous you want to smack your friend again. It could technically work with how much Rin was still following you around, but you couldn’t even imagine yourself doing that. If you even tried, you imagine shame would immediately lock up your limbs and you would probably make a fool of yourself.
You’re about to tease your friends for reading too many romance novels when several shouts cut you off, the sound of your friends’ boss walking into the room enough to shut you up completely. By how panicked the guy looks, it seems like they’re having some kind of emergency. You feel your friend’s hands fly to your back as they swiftly escort you out of the labs, adjusting their own clothing in a frenzy. Both of them throw out hurried goodbye’s before their gone, the sounds of the lab work rush still resounding in your ears as you trudge out of the wing, more conflicted than when you came in.
You’re still thinking about what your friends said even as you wake up earlier than usual, your racing thoughts forcing your body to rise before the sun has even crossed the horizon. The weather does nothing to improve your mood, cold blue light washing over your conflicted face, highlighting the bags under your eyes. You stay seated in bed for longer than you usually would, staring into the depths of the wall in front of you, your legs slowly going numb under the sheets. The light under your blinds makes a smooth transition into a warm gold before you finally swing your legs over the bed frame, pushing yourself into the bathroom with a tired slump.
You still can’t speak to him. That much is obvious by the time you find yourself back in Rin’s enclosure, watching him flip through a book you know he’s read a million times, barely looking up as you approach him with your usual tools. Everything happens quietly; You take his temperature, test his reflexes, check his feathers for any abnormalities, things you usually did while both of you would talk about anything you could think of.
“You’re really not going to talk to me?”
He shrugs, the blood pressure strap attached to his arm not letting him move much but he still refuses to answer.
“I’m sorry..”
“You don’t even know why I’m really upset.” You watch him scoff the second your head snaps up, the hurt still swirling around in his gaze forcing you to look away.
“It would help if you told me..”
“Then it wouldn’t be a proper apology.”
A forlorn sigh crawls it’s way out of your throat, contrasting against the silence that has now come back into the room full force. You finish the check up in record time, packing up your tools while the tears hanging on your lashes threaten to fall. The air in the room seems to drop in temperature, almost making you shiver as you linger in front of the door, looking back one more time.
“If I stress you out so much, maybe you should find someone else.”
…
“I think I’m ready for a new ward.”
Your boss’ office is even colder than you thought Rin’s room was, all the bad memories you have of this room settling on your shoulders as you try hard not to fidget. He’s sitting neatly behind his mahogany desk, posture perfect even with the abundance of documents stacked around him. He stops writing the moment you speak, the silver glasses hanging off his nose barely doing anything to conceal the suspicion in his gaze.
A tense silence wraps it’s coiled tail around both of you, pressing down on your limbs until it feels like you can’t move. You struggle to keep your expression neutral as he studies your face carefully, looking for any cracks he could dig into and yell at you for like every other time you came in here.
Even with your “poker” face it was most likely obvious why you were here; If you and Rin were such frequent office gossip, then there was no way the gossip of your argument hadn’t reached your boss’ ears. But if you boss has any idea of this, then he doesn’t make it known, his eyebrows still over his aging gaze as his mouth remains drawn into a thin line.
“Where is this coming from?”
The clatter of his pen against the wooden desk cracks sharp into the room’s air, nearly making you jump out of your own skin, but you manage to pull yourself together.
“No where. I just feel like I’m ready to take on more responsibilities.” You really should’ve stopped there; Every time you became emotional in front of your boss always meant you had already lost the argument, but it’s too late, all your grievances spilling out of your mouth faster than you can catch.
“Everyone else got multiple beast men in less than a few months after their first one. I had to beg for my first ward and I haven’t been assigned one since, even though I’ve shown more than substantial results every quarter.”
The room fades back into it’s previous silence, the only sound being your lungs trying to catch it’s breath after your sudden monologue. It’s hard not to notice the subtle widening of your boss’ eyes from behind his glasses, the shuffling of his clothes as he leans forward in his office chair. This was the first time in a long while you’d come to complain like this; Having Rin assigned to you had kept you busy momentarily.
“If this is you trying to prove somethi-”
“It’s not.” Your shoulders cringe at the narrowed glare he gives you, your gaze flicking downwards in spite of it. “Sir.. I want to be taken seriously.”
Your gaze flicks back up as the sound of your supervisor’s tired sigh reaches your ears. The hope that had previously curled into a still rock at the bottom of your stomach rises high into your chest as you watch his hand snake under his desk, dropping a heavy file down on the space of desk directly in front of you.
“You’re feeling generous? Fine.”
The file sits like a stone between you two, turning your previous hope into wariness as you actually look at how thick the file is. It was obvious what your boss was doing; Only the real troublemaking beast men had files that thick. Aside from their biological information, it also contained every misdemeanour they committed, and a list of every guardian they passed through, with each guardian giving a full report on why they could no longer take over the ward. Rin’s file was pretty hefty when you’d gotten it, but even his didn’t compare to the one stacked in front of you.
You can feel your boss’ gaze burrowing into the back of your hand as you shift closer to the table, stretching out a shaky hand to lift the cover of the file, already regretting your decision to come here. The name hastily scrawled across the top of the document instinctively makes you gasp, the picture right beside it increasing your heartbeat with every second that passes. A cackling hyena, snout spread into the widest smile possible, blonde to pink strands contrasting against dark brown fur.
Shidou Ryusei.
You knew who Shidou was because he was one of the only beast men Rin mentioned by name, and it was never positive, the two of them having gotten into numerous fights before Rin was placed under your management. And even with that, it was hard not to know Shidou when the last time anyone had heard of him, it was because he attacked his latest guardian so badly the facility had to shackle him up somewhere far away for as long as he could be held before they brought him back. Your boss had essentially handed you a live bomb.
“And since you’re so confident, I expect to see the same results with this one as with your last ward. You’re dismissed.”
Even with the dismissal, your boss doesn’t go back to his work immediately, keeping sharp eye contact with your now wavering gaze until you stumble out of his office, almost breathless. Your hand finds your own forehead several times, slapping it over and over while you curse yourself for even going through with such a stupid idea. You were so upset this morning, and Rin had practically given you permission, it made sense to go along with it. And you’d let your boss shoot you in the foot, you couldn’t even muster the confidence to beg for a trial period like you had with Rin.
You can’t seem to focus on anything; Your legs move faster than your mind can comprehend, not paying attention to the hallway you’re now tumbling down. You can’t be bothered to focus on the gaze that had been burning into the back of your head since you walked out of that office, or the fact that there’s someone standing in the spot you’re currently barrelling towards.
The fall doesn’t come as fast as you expected it to, it actually doesn’t come at all, a sturdy pair of arms wrapping themselves around your waist as your palms smack firm against what feels like a solid brick wall, but you finally figure out is someone’s chest with how long your fingers are splayed against them. The file in your hand crashes to the floor, the sound of stray pages spilling out melting in with a deep chuckle that caresses your ears.
“Didn’t know the doctors in here were so clumsy~”
That cheeky tone completely matches the face smirking down at you, Shidou’s arms staying at your waist a second longer before they smoothing down your clothes, brushing away imaginary dust. He bends down to pick up your scattered file before you can stop him, the now open document reflecting his own face and information back at him. By the time he places it back in your hand, he’s staring at you with a new found interest, quirked eyebrow contrasting the grin still on his face.
“..And creepy, you stalkin’ me or something?”
You watch the smile on his face widen as you stutter to explain yourself, still flustered as the heat from his hands linger on your back.
“What?! No! No, I’m your new guardian.” You quickly compose yourself, letting out an awkward cough as you continue to smooth down your hair and clothes. “I was assigned to you a few minutes ago.. it’s nice to meet you.”
Shidou stares down at your outstretched hand with barely concealed amusement, leaving you hanging for what feels like hours before taking your hand in his, lightly shaking it like you’re made of glass. You’re about to take your hand back when a sudden pull brings you crashing into Shidou’s chest once more, the hand now tightly clasped in his sitting flush between both of your bodies. Your breath hitches painfully, a scorching heat crawling up your neck while the culprit in question simply studies you, tilting his head to the side like he was looking at a complex problem, before another grin breaks out on his face.
“You? You’re my new doctor?” He leans down even closer to you, the space between your faces now a hair’s breath. “You sure you can handle me?”
You want to answer, to at least say something that wouldn’t leave you looking like a lost fish, your current expression probably enough to make anyone cringe. The words are just bubbling in your throat when you catch the way Shidou’s gaze flickers briefly, not to anything on your face, but to something behind you, only for a second before its gone.
You can’t even ask him what that was before you feel something else pull you backwards, the side of your vision blocked by a taloned hand that goes straight for Shidou’s face, narrowly missing his jaw by less than a few inches. The back of Rin’s head radiates a fury that you can feel even under his skin, even without looking at him at all. Shidou doesn’t seem deterred in the slightest, lifting both arms in the air as he cackles at the look on Rin’s face.
“Aww Rinnie, relax! I didn’t even do anything to your little love bird yet”
You don’t even get to hear the rest of what Shidou wanted to say by the speed at which you’re being dragged away, your legs moving on instinct as the solid white walls of each wing passes you by. By the time you finally wrapped your mind around what happened, you’re already in Rin’s room, the cold, dark wallpaper pressing against your back as his arms cage you in, the look on his face cold enough to freeze lava.
“What the hell were you doing with that cockroach? I leave you for five seconds and you’re falling into anyone now?”
A stunned hurt quickly takes over the confusion you were previously feeling, but you shut your mouth for a second, taking in a deep breath before you actually speak. You couldn’t let this turn out like last time.
“My boss assigned him to me, I couldn’t do anything about it..”
“I don’t care, why was he that close to you?”
The look on Rin’s face has only gotten worse, his feathers now slowly lifting off his neck while his arms tighten with how hard he’s folding them in front on his chest. You shrug your shoulders up to your ears, forcing your heartbeat to calm down as you don what you hope is a detached expression.
“And why do you care? You’re the one who told me to find another ward.”
You watch Rin breathe out a deep sigh, before he’s reaching over, dragging your hands up to his face and letting his head fall into them, kneading your fingers through his feathers in the way you used to during all your quiet moments.
“..I didn’t mean it like that. You shouldn’t let just anyone touch you like that”
It takes you about five seconds to give in, the sudden vulnerability digging itself into your heart as you curl your fingers into spots that make him hum just like you’d expected.
“But you’re touching me like that right now.. why is it different for you?” You watch the way he looks down at you, the green of his irises softening into a lighter shade that almost draws you in, his hands essentially ghosting over yours despite the conflict still floating around on his face. The words hang in your throat, drying it up so quickly you feel like you’re about to cough, but somehow someway, they still manage to find their way out.
“Is it because you like me..?”
He let’s shock flow into his gaze for a second before it melts into something like misery, almost like he’s trying to fight his own feelings. Rin let’s go of your hands then, watching as they fall back to your sides, the emotions hanging in his eyes now solidifying into that blocked off look that you’d seen time and time again whenever you got to close to getting him to open up.
“Leave.”
His hands snake towards your back, pushing you to the door, so gentle and yet so forceful at the same time. Both of you stand on opposite sides of the metal frame, watching as the automatic mechanics shut the solid steel in your face, the last look Rin gave you burned into your retinas.
…
A full moon hangs in the inky black sky outside the facility by the time you’re wandering down the halls again, the soft pitter patter of your feet hitting the cold, metal floor guided by the silver-white moonlight that snaked in from each window. You can’t seem to fall asleep; You learned that about an hour ago when your eyes started smarting under the pressure of the rest you were trying to force onto them. The look on Rin’s face as he asked you to leave hiding under your eyelids, haunting you until you finally decided to get out of bed.
You drag a hand down the walls as you keep walking, the other clutching one of your pillows tightly, drawing your path down to your wing until the doors finally come into view. Rin is fully slouched in his nest, barely watching the screen that projects vibrant colours onto his face. The notification you’d gotten a minute after slumping out of bed already told you he was awake, that was part of the reason why you’d wandered over here anyway. You find yourself standing behind the glass for longer than you should, watching every muscle on his face twitch, a clear struggle to keep his facial expressions in check.
The sight makes your resolve stronger; You had to talk to him now.
The scanner blinks it’s green flash at you, scanning your badge just fine, but the door doesn’t budge. You scan it one more time, watching as the metal door shifts less than an inch before it shuts immediately. It doesn’t take long to figure out what’s wrong; The book you remember buying for Rin a month ago wedged under the door, it’s title peeking up at you as if to make fun of you.
“..Rin, open the door please”
Your attempt at the microphone seems to have no effect on him, his head barely moving no matter what you say. The book is fully stuck under there to your knowledge, the pages thick enough to mess with the doors mechanics but not so big that Rin couldn’t easily take it out if he wanted to.
“I’m being serious, we need to talk..”
Another bout of silence takes over your one sided conversation, pressing down on the already rising sadness in your heart. Your legs take you back to the door, the edge of the book pushing against your behind as you lean against the door, folding your arms underneath each other. A small part of you figured this would happen, the pillow you’d brought now serving it’s purpose as you position it behind your head, shuffling side to side until you’re comfortable enough. A deep exhaustion creeps under your eyelids, slowly shutting them while your head starts to fall forwards, barely holding the pillow you struggled to adjust.
…
You don’t know how long it’s been before a sudden weightlessness takes over your body, the thought that it could be a realistic dream flying from your mind the second your head hits the floor, eyes shooting open to see a familiar dark ceiling.
“Wha- Who?” That’s when you finally notice Rin staring down at you, book in one hand as he gives you a once over to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself. “What time is it??”
“..1 am. You should probably go to back to sleep”
You scramble up to watch him turn to one of his bookshelves, placing the book back gently like he didn’t just rip it from under you. He gives you a sideways glance as you plop down beside him in his nest, clutching your pillow to your chest like it’ll give you the courage you need.
“I couldn’t sleep in the first place, because of a certain someone”
“Really? You had no problems sleeping outside my door”
The screams coming from his TV soon drown out your conversation, drawing both of you in to the gory flick, a lot less disgusting than the last one you watched, but still disturbing. Your gaze flicks to Rin every five seconds, studying the bored look on his face, trying to peer into any cracks you can take advantage of. Every time your gaze lands on him for too long, he stares back even longer, as if taunting you to speak up, before his gaze is back on the screen.
“I didn’t ask my boss to assign Shidou to me..”
You keep your attention on the TV, even as Rin turns to you, one eyebrow quirking upwards in confusion from what you can see in your peripheral vision.
“Well- I mean, I did ask him for a new ward, but I didn’t know it was going to be Shidou..” You’re looking at him now, face rapidly burning with an embarrassment that makes your hands shake. You can see the slight shock floating around in his gaze, combined with something softer, a silent hope that fuels the heat on your face even more.
“I did it to make you jealous. I just wanted you to talk to me again. I’m sorry for bringing Reiko in here, and I didn’t mean it when I said I was babysitting you, you know that..”
Every silent second that passes weighs down on your back even further, the loud sound effects resonating around the room now fading into a dull whine that slows your heartbeat even more. Rin stares at you for so long you’re scared to look up, keeping your attention trained on the curve of his thighs as he shifts beside you, leaning back into the pillows from what little you can see.
“You’re so stupid..”
It sounds like a disgruntled huff, but only you can notice the fondness behind it. It makes a gentle smile spread across your face, much to his chagrin. He doesn’t say anything as you sidle up to him, sneaking your hand down the nest until it’s intertwined with his, the firm squeeze he gives your hand eliciting a small giggle from you while your head falls into the crook of his neck.
The moment makes you feel bold, your head inching closer and closer until your lips ghost the space beside his beak, rushing back into your previous position faster than Rin can even turn his head, not that he bothers to.
“If that was a pity kiss, I’m going to kill you.”
“It wasn’t.” You plant another one in the same spot, revelling in the grumble he lets out as his feathers start to puff up. “You know it wasn’t.”
Your eyelids start to flutter close, blurring the TV screen into a canvas of deep blue lighting, and hues of bright red. Everything feels a lot warmer, from the tips of your ears down to where both of your hands are connected, making you even sleepier. Before your vision finally fades, you feel a soft sensation against your head; The feeling of Rin lightly brushing his beak over your forehead the last thing to lull you to sleep.