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“How did you know you were queer” Will blurted out, already regretting his words. Taken aback just a bit, James sat upright “Well, I don’t really know— I just— knew?” “From where is this coming, Will?” He asked, soft concern lacing his deep voice. God, Will was at the brink of folding like a fold up Chair, whenever he heard that deep raspy voice. “Nowt, just— curiosity” he responded, mumbling the answer into his hoodie. With that Will went back to his phone, trying to distract himself.
He’s been feeling lots of things, none of them could be described as platonic, especially the feelings towards his best friend James. Whenever he saw the man, his heart did a little jump, whenever his shirt rode up a little or the top was so low you could see the dark chest hair, Wills stomach turned. Every story at the gym was screenshotted and hidden in a secret folder. Every wank, he caught himself thinking of James rather than women, more than he liked to admit.
Yet he still didn’t admit the truth. Will didn’t want to admit the truth, didn’t want to address the elephant in the room. So what he did was dance around the sun that is James all while he was a mere planet, doomed to orbit the sun till eternity.
Months passed since the short conversation which send Will spiralling. At least Will finally admitted one thing to himself, he was queer. He was queer and had to accept that. Even if it had cost him many tear filled nights, many empty prayers to a god he now accepted doesn’t exist or simply just ignored his suffering. He eventually started going on dates.
“Can you teach me how to kiss men” Will blurted out, internally slapping himself right after finishing his sentence. “Huh— Eh—Why?” James was, once again, taken by surprise by Will’s boldness and ability to ask the wildest questions at the most random moments in time. “Well, every time I’m out with one they tell me my kissing game is bad. But I don’t really have those teen or young adult year experiences. Realising you’re gay at 30 ain’t exactly the norm” he spoke, getting quieter around the last sentence. James sighed, he’d regret this later on but now was not the time for worries, his friend needed help and he would be ready to give that help, even if it meant— that.
They took places opposite each other on Will’s long sofa. “Ok well— it’s pretty similar to kissing women” he spoke with hesitation, swallowing hard. Carefully, James lifted his hand, placing it onto Will’s cheeks, pinky finger resting against his square jaw, staring into Will’s deep blue eyes. With hesitation he edged closer till there was mere inches between them. Then he closed the gap.
Will tasted of Rodds, Tea and, well— himself. Sweet and bitter mixed together creating a perfect blend. James tasted similar but still different. The taste of Coke Zero mixed with the smell of his vanilla perfume filled Will’s thoughts and clouded his mind, letting no thought form.
All he could feel was the rough stubbled of James’ beard and the calloused hands of the musician. This was heaven, Will’s heaven. If he’d die right there, he’d been happy. The soft yet slightly chapped lips of James felt surreal against Will’s own.
James hand stayed on Will’s cheek while the other hand settled on his waist. The touch send electricity trough Will’s entire body, shooting little sparks from his heart to his gut. If he wasn't so aware of the sofa beneath him he could swear he was flying.
With a heavy breath James separated them. Pink blush all over his cheeks as his chest rose heavy, trying to suck as much air in as possible. “Whatever those men said— they were wrong. You’re great” he panted, a lopsided smile on his face.
Will stared at him, lips slightly parted, trying to catch his breath.
“Yea?”
“Yea”
The tension is the room became thick and weird. Neither knew what to do after stepping over that line. How were you just supposed to move on after passionately kissing your best friend? James was addicted, he needed more of whatever Will’s kisses were laced with. He needed Will. He needed it now.
As much as he tried avoiding the topic he needed the Geordie more than air. James stared once again deep in the eyes of Will, taking deep breaths before taking hold of Will’s face and closed the distance once again.
Now it was Will’s turn to be taken aback, however he did not object, simply letting himself be guided against the sofa until his back hit the soft cushions. All he felt was James, all he smelt was James, and all he tasted was James.
Will was in heaven and never wanted to leave. Their lips moved against one another with rough but also careful movements. Like they were starving for one another but still took their time. James hands wandered across Will’s body, taking in every curve, every dip, absolutely everything. All while one of Will’s hands settled in the little bit of hair that has since grown back while the other one went across his back and under his shirt, digging his nails into James’ spine in an attempt to merge their bodies, keep him close.
It took much willpower for them to separate, both breathing heavy as they stared into each others eyes. “I like you” they both declared in unison before bursting out into laughter, James head falling into the crook of Will’s neck, the buzzcut tickling his throat. “Was that why you asked me how I knew I was queer a while back” James asked, settling his chin on Will’s chest, hands folded together underneath. “Maybe” Will admitted sheepishly, his hand slowly caressing the back of James’ neck.
This was paradise and both could stay like this for eternity if the world deemed it necessary.
That night they fell asleep not alone, not with strangers but with each other. Pressed against each other, limbs entangled, smiles painted on their faces.