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Eddie had been preparing for this day for weeks, months, even. See, he’d known for a while now that he is massively, devastatingly in love with his best friend. With Buck.
The moment of realization had felt like a brick hitting his head at full speed, on that one night out with Buck and Ravi a few months back. It wasn’t how he expected it would be, knowing he’s in love with his best friend. The reddit forums he’d perused online (thanks, Chris) told him it would feel reassuring, almost as if everything was finally falling into place, like it was some ground-breaking discovery. And, sure, everything did fall into place, but it wasn’t anything life-changing, because it just made sense. Being in love with Buck was something as natural as breathing, as waking up in the morning, as loving his son. It was terrifying, in some ways, especially the whole realizing he’s gay part, but it didn’t scare him as much as it would have if he didn’t have Buck by his side.
He’d told Christopher first, he had to. After everything that happened with Kim, he swore to be honest with his son about everything, that he’d never shut him out again. So, he sat him down and told him everything. That was probably the scariest part of it all; he knew that if Chris didn’t approve of Buck in some way, then that was it, because as important as Buck was to him, his son would always come first. That being said, it was the biggest relief of his life when Chris simply responded to the admission by hugging him and telling him he’d been ‘hoping this would happen’.
That was a couple of months ago, and every day since then Christopher had been asking him relentlessly when he was going to tell Buck because it was getting, and he quotes, ‘painful to watch’. He told Hen and Karen two weeks ago, not about the Buck part, just the gay part, needing someone else to talk to about it, because it was honestly feeling quite isolating, navigating this on his own. Karen had gently told him he didn’t need to be going through it alone, to which Hen had side-eyed and nudged her lightly, so it was safe to say they both knew about the Buck thing. He didn’t really care about that, though, he wanted the whole world to know at some point, even if it meant screaming from the rooftops: “I’m in love with Evan Buckley!”
Okay, that might be dramatic, but still, the point remains. He’s not ashamed of how he feels, he’s just… cautious. That’s the right word. At first it felt akin to fear, but that felt wrong, almost as if he was afraid of loving Buck. But the only thing that scared him was losing him, the possibility that Buck wouldn’t feel the same, and he’d lose the greatest thing to have ever happened to him. Because it was as simple as that, he’d rather keep Buck as nothing more than his best friend than to tell him how he feels and lose him.
That’s how he ended up here, chewing his cuticles as he sat in his driveway at nine in the morning on the first of April, better known as April Fool’s Day.
It may sound insane, but he’d seen a post online about confessing your feelings to someone on April Fool’s Day so that if it went badly, it could just be played out as a prank. Chris had shook his head and muttered something Eddie couldn’t quite make out when he’d told him his plan on the way to school (Eddie didn’t want him taking the bus on April Fool’s Day, to which Chris had rolled his eyes at but got in the car nonetheless), but he’d still wished him luck, so that was something.
The plan was perfect.
It also worked in his favor because pranks were a common thing for the pair, so Buck wouldn’t even question it if Eddie did have to make that excuse.
After everything that happened in New Mexico, Eddie had been spending a lot more time at Buck’s place, looking out for him in whatever way he could, so it wasn’t strange for him to just walk in unannounced, and that was exactly his plan.
“Come on, Eddie, pull yourself together,” He drummed his fingers against the wheel once, twice, three times, before finally pulling out onto the street and beginning the drive to Buck’s place, a drive he could do with his eyes closed at this point. Not that he would, of course.
‘Carry on my wayward son’ blasted through the speakers, drawing a huffed laugh out of Eddie. It had become one of his and Buck’s favourite songs since the roadtrip. Well, they’d known it from Supernatural before that, what with it being Buck’s favorite show and all, and the roadtrip was just his opportunity to introduce it to Eddie in a way, after begging him to watch it for years.
That was part of his plan, actually. If Buck asked why he’d come over, which he probably wouldn’t, since they both knew they never needed a reason to visit each other, but still, then Eddie would say he wants to start Supernatural with him.
Easy.
The drive wasn’t a long one, which didn’t exactly give Eddie a lot of time to think the whole thing over, but he’d done a considerable amount of thinking as of late, so there wasn’t really much more he could even do. He parked in his usual spot on the street, giving himself a few minutes to breathe and consider turning the car around and just going home.
He got out of the car. No more delaying it. He’d been delaying it for eight years already, eight years too long. And, like he’d established, he could say it’s an April Fool’s joke if it went wrong, and he’d still get to keep his best friend at the end of it all.
“Buck?” Eddie called out after letting himself in, already making his way to the kitchen, “Buck, you in- oh. Hey.”
Buck was hovering through the kitchen with his usual ease, apron dusted in flour and counters covered with so many ingredients Eddie couldn’t even try to guess what he was making. Then again, Buck was the baker, not him.
“Eddie! I’m making carrot cake.”
Eddie eyed the carrots on the kitchen island, “That you are. Why the pineapple?”
Buck shrugged, “Trying something different.”
“Right,” Eddie had to fight the smile tugging at his lips, leaning back against one of the counters as Buck handed him a beer, the brand he only kept because they’re Eddie’s favorite.
They fell into a silence for a while, Eddie just watching his friend finish mixing everything together; he didn’t want to do this when Buck was distracted by something else, not that it would change anything, probably, but he needed to see his face. He was happy to wait, though. He loved seeing Buck like this, in his element. He loved the way his tongue poked out ever so slightly when he was concentrated on something, and the way half the ingredients seemed to end up on his apron. He loved everything about Buck.
“Okay,” Buck tugged off his apron after putting the carrot cake in the oven, “Wanna watch something whilst we wait? Oh! There’s a new whale documentary that looks good I think!”
God, Eddie just wanted to kiss him.
He wasn’t going to. Obviously.
“Uh- Doubt it would be better than Ewan McGregor, though,” Eddie cleared his throat, shaking himself out of his thoughts.
Buck settled onto his side of the couch, waiting for Eddie to join him before throwing his legs over him like he always did. They’d fallen into this habit after the ladder truck explosion, and the lawsuit, when Buck’s pain had flared up one time and Eddie insisted on giving him a leg massage. It wasn’t something they did often back then, only when Buck was having a bad leg day, but now it was just the way they always sat, even on the good days. Eddie couldn’t tell when the lines had blurred into whatever this was, and he wasn’t sure if Buck knew either.
“Supernatural,” Eddie blurted out.
“What?”
“We should- uh- we should watch Supernatural.”
Buck jumped slightly at this, the movement of his legs jostling Eddie, “Holy shit! Really?”
Eddie hummed, carefully throwing the remote to Buck, who pulled up the first episode quicker than anything Eddie’s ever seen before, almost as if he’d been waiting for this moment.
“Okay, so, if you don’t like Dean, don’t tell me. You also don’t meet Castiel for a few seasons, but we will get there and you will love him,” Buck played the episode as soon as he’d given Eddie his little warning. The Castiel disclaimer was necessary, to be fair, as the only thing Eddie knew about the show was from what Buck had said about how ‘Dean and Cas totally have something!’
For the record, he did like Dean, so he didn’t even need to lie to Buck about that. Although, and he felt a little bad for saying this, he wasn’t exactly paying that much attention to the first episode, finding himself dwelling too much on what he wanted to say to Buck.
“Hey can you, uh, can you pause it? For a sec?” His voice came out quieter than he intended it to, but Buck still heard him, and he shot Eddie a concerned look before pausing the episode and turning to face him fully.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes!” Eddie ran his hands over his face, “Everything’s fine. Maybe. It depends.”
Buck’s brows furrowed, and Eddie could feel him tense up slightly, “Eds, what’s up?”
“Okay. Fuck,” He twisted the hem of Buck’s jeans between his fingers, not meeting his eyes.
“Eddie. Look at me.”
“I can’t.”
He wanted to, he really did. He wanted to see the look on Buck’s face when he told him, but now lifting and turning his head to do that felt like an impossible task.
“Why not?” Buck pushed, his tone gentle.
“Because I-” Eddie cut himself off, biting back the smile that always appeared whenever he thought about Buck.
All of a sudden, Eddie felt two fingers beneath his jaw, and his face was being turned in the direction of Buck, forcing him to meet his gaze. He instinctively leaned further into the touch when Buck’s hand pulled away, the phantom presence of his fingers still lingering against his skin.
“I’m in love with you.”
There. He said it. He didn’t expect to say it as quickly and matter-of-fact as that, but something about Buck’s soft smile made the confession slip out before he could even stop it. He said the thing that had been rattling around in his brain for months and Buck was… Buck was frowning. Oh. That wasn’t good.
“You- What?”
“I-” Eddie scrambled for something else to say, something to back himself up, but it was as if he had been rendered speechless.
“Tell me you’re not joking.”
“I’m not-” Eddie tried to say something else, he really did, but he wasn’t quick enough.
Buck’s expression shifted into something sadder, “Oh. I get it.”
“You do?”
“Yeah,” a small smile broke out across his face, a smile Eddie knew was fake, even if he wouldn’t call him out on it. It didn’t feel right to, “April Fool’s. Very funny, Eddie.”
Except it wasn’t funny. It wasn’t funny at all. Nothing about it was. But he couldn’t blame Buck for thinking that. It was part of his plan, to be fair, to have the option of playing it off as a joke. He had just hoped he wouldn’t need to do that.
“Right, yeah,” Eddie managed to force out a brief smile, the air around them suddenly tense. He didn’t expect Buck to react like this, he thought he’d either shut him down entirely or find it genuinely funny, and neither of those things were happening. So where did that leave them? Where did it leave Eddie?
“I should, um, check on the-” Buck gestured to the kitchen, swinging his legs off of Eddie as he did so.
“I forgot I have to- I have to go,” Eddie pressed his palms into his eyes once Buck wasn’t in his line of sight, “I made plans with Hen and Karen. I’m gonna… Yeah. I’ll call you.”
Eddie couldn’t bring himself to look at Buck, instead making his way straight to the front door, trying to ignore the scoff he heard Buck let out.
The second he got into his car, he dropped his head into his hands, “Fuck!”
He’d ruined it. He’d ruined everything. Buck was almost certainly mad at him because, seriously, in what universe would that be a funny joke to make? For anyone else it would be, sure, but not for them. Never for them. It wasn’t something they ever joked about, they never made comments about feeling like a married couple, even though they absolutely did bicker like one. Neither of them ever told the other to stop acting like their boyfriend, even when they were plastered to each other’s sides when one of them got sick. Thinking back on it, they’d never even told each other they love each other, even just as friends.
They never needed to say it, honestly, they just did things instead that made it obvious, or said things that bordered on the line of an I love you without actually being one. Eddie made sure Buck knew he loved him by checking his rope twice on rescues, by having his back, by putting him in his will. And Eddie knew Buck loved him through Buck introducing him to Carla, through being there for Chris when Eddie couldn’t, through renting his house off of him.
They knew they loved each other, Buck just didn’t know Eddie loved him more than that.
Eddie had pulled up at Hen and Karen’s house before he even knew what he was doing. Not just that, but he was standing in front of their door, fist raised as if to knock but nothing was actually happening. He was about to, seriously, but Hen opened the door before he could.
Her head tilted slightly, taking in Eddie’s panicked expression, “What did you do?” She stepped to the side, letting him in and leading him to the kitchen, already making him a coffee, “Karen’s at work. I’d offer you something stronger, but I feel like there’s a conversation you need to go and finish tonight.”
He took the mug from her, the warmth of it in his hands weirdly grounding, “Are you a psychic now or something?”
“It’s April Fool’s Day. And you’re a fool,” She smirked.
“Okay, rude.”
Hen raised her eyebrows slightly, a silent urge for him to keep talking.
“I told Buck.”
“You- What? That you’re gay?”
Oh, God, that was part of the problem too. Buck thinks Eddie’s straight, no wonder he assumed he was joking.
“No,” He let out a deep breath, “That I’m in love with him. And then he assumed it was a joke, because of the day, and I just went along with it.”
Hen, to her credit, didn’t slap him, but he honestly wouldn’t blame her if she did. He wanted to slap himself.
She did let out the loudest sigh Eddie has ever heard, though.
“God you’re both so stupid.”
Yeah, that was fair.
He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, probably Buck telling him to never speak to him again.
At some point Hen had swapped her own drink for a glass of wine, “What? I’m not driving. You gonna check that? It’s been going off for like five minutes.”
Reluctantly, he pulled his phone out, mentally bracing himself for the messages he assumed had come through from Buck. Instead, and he couldn’t tell if this was better or worse, the notifications were from Maddie. A few missed calls followed by a series of texts that Hen was reading over his shoulder.
Maddie: Buck called me, you’re both idiots.
Hen snorted at this one.
Maddie: You’ve got some weird ideas of a joke.
“Oh, God, and now the man I’m in love with’s sister hates me,” Eddie groaned.
“Keep reading,” Hen rubbed at his back from where she’d pulled up a chair next to him.
Maddie: I know you weren’t joking, though.
Maddie: You’re still an idiot.
Maddie: But so is Buck for thinking it was a prank.
“She’s right about that,” Hen muttered.
Maddie: Talk to him. Properly.
Eddie put his phone upside down on the table, burying his face in his hands as he tried to figure out what to do. Logically, he could tell Maddie wasn’t mad at him, and if she wasn’t mad at him, then it was reasonable to assume Buck wasn’t either. But if Buck wasn’t mad at him, and Maddie could tell what he said wasn’t a joke, then was there a possibility…
No. He couldn’t risk it. This was the whole reason he did this on today of all days anyway, for the safety net of saying it was a joke. Although, that did backfire miserably, so maybe it wasn’t as good of a plan as he thought it was.
Hen pulled him from his spiral, “Maddie’s right. You should talk to him.”
He lifted his head from his hands, still unable to speak.
“Why did you tell him today?” Hen was grinning now, swirling her glass of wine in front of herself, the bottle close by to allow for quick refills.
“Hen,” Eddie rested his head on the table for a few seconds, before dragging himself back up to look at her.
“What! You had to know how it would go,” She studied him for a moment, “Oh my God. That’s the point, isn’t it? It made it easy to go back on it.”
Eddie stayed silent. Hen had well and truly caught him. She knew exactly why he'd told Buck today, so there was no point in trying to defend himself.
He decided to ignore that part of it entirely, instead opting to focus on the worse part of it all, “He doesn’t feel the same, anyway.”
“How did he react?”
“What?”
Hen refilled her glass, “You heard me. How did he react?"
It wasn’t hard for Eddie to recount the events in his head, given that they’d been playing on a loop since it happened, “He got, like, sad? Disappointed, maybe? I don’t know. It was weird.”
“If Chimney said that to me-”
“Hen-”
She held Eddie’s hands in her own, “Eddie. Listen, okay? If Chimney said that to me, you know what I’d do?”
Eddie shrugged, not sure what she was getting at.
“I would laugh. No, I’d be full-blown cackling. Like, doubled-over, tears coming out of my eyes, full body laughter.”
“Okay…” Seriously, what on earth was Hen talking about?
“And you know how Chim would react? He’d also be laughing. He’d be laughing so loud the neighbours would call the cops.”
The image cheered Eddie up, making him devolve into that exact kind of laughter with Hen, the two of them wiping at their eyes before eventually composing themselves.
Eddie caught his breath, “Okay, okay, but that’s-”
“Different? Exactly,” Hen finished for him, “Because me and Chim are best friends. Nothing more. You and Buck are… Well. There isn’t a word for whatever you two have going on.”
This took Eddie aback, “Wow, thanks.”
“I’m not joking,” Hen doubled down, “Unlike you, apparently,” She added.
Eddie mimicked a wound to the chest, “Too soon, Hen.”
Hen swatted at his arm, “Talk to him. Seriously. Just make sure he knows you aren’t kidding.”
“But-”
“Nope. Come on, out of my house. You’ve put this off for way too long.”
Hen led him to the door, leaning against the frame as he made his way to his car.
“Eddie,” She called out, “Trust me on this, okay? And Maddie.”
He gave her one final nod before getting into the truck, letting out a shaky breath and starting the course to Buck’s house.
Again.
God, Eddie hated April Fool's Day.
Using his key felt wrong this time, he didn’t want to assume he was still welcome. It took a few seconds after knocking for Buck to come to the door, and Eddie had seriously considered just turning around as soon as it didn’t open immediately. The only thing that stopped him was his open text thread with Maddie that he’d been staring at since getting out of the car.
“Eddie-”
“Buck-”
They both started, and stopped, speaking at the same time.
Eddie shuffled on his feet, stuffing the phone into his back pocket, “Can I-”
“Yeah,” Buck stepped to the side to let him in.
The house smelt like carrot cake, and Eddie quickly felt more at ease, the reminder of Buck’s presence in his life taking over his senses. It didn’t take him long to notice the ingredients still scattered around, though, or, wait, they were different ingredients.
“You’re baking again?”
“Yes, Eddie, is that okay with you?” Buck’s tone was harsh, annoyed, which was fair, seeing as Eddie’s question did come out a little accusatory.
“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” Eddie trailed off, none of the words on his tongue felt right.
Buck started whisking something weirdly aggressively, “Shouldn’t have what? Pretended to be in love with me as a joke?”
“Wait-”
“Shouldn’t have given me hope?”
“Buck-”
Buck continued on, either not hearing Eddie or choosing to ignore him. He wouldn’t blame him for either. “It wasn’t fucking funny, Eddie! It’s not a joke to me!”
“Buck!” Eddie stopped Buck’s ranting, placing a hand over his own atop the whisk, “It’s not a joke to me either.”
This seemed to do it, and Buck finally took in a breath, his eyes darting between the features on Eddie’s face rapidly, seemingly not knowing where to settle.
“What?” Buck whispered, and Eddie could see his chest rise and fall a little faster when he started rubbing circles with his thumb over the back of his hand, using the moment to step in closer.
“I wasn’t kidding. It was definitely really stupid of me to tell you today, but I meant it.”
Buck’s breath hitched, “You’re…”
“In love with you? Yeah. So much that it scares me a little, so I figured if I told you today, and you turned me down, then-”
“Then you could pretend it was a prank.”
They were both smiling at this point, calming Eddie’s nerves significantly, and he used his newfound confidence to pull Buck’s hand away from the whisk and rest it on his waist, backing him up slowly into a counter, an arm looped around the back of him to protect him from the edge.
He pulled his arm free once Buck was fully pressed against the counter, instead reaching up to brush a stray curl out of his face.
“Say it again,” Buck spoke so quietly Eddie could barely hear him.
“Hm?”
“Eddie.”
Eddie grinned at him, moving his hand to cup his cheek and run a thumb along his bottom lip, “I’m in love with you.”
“You check the date today?” Buck teased, tightening his grip on Eddie’s waist, pulling them flush together, if it was even possible for them to get any closer.
“Buck,” Eddie rolled his eyes, about to say something else before being cut off by Buck’s lips against his own, a desperate clash of mouths as their noses bumped awkwardly and Buck tugged on Eddie’s hair.
“I love you,” Buck mumbled between kisses, “too,” another kiss, gentle this time, “for the record.”
“That so?” Eddie pulled him back in, smiling into the kiss as he felt Buck nod against him.
“How does this always happen, fuck,” Buck moaned at the sensation of Eddie mouthing along his neck, tilting his head back for better access, “in a kitchen?”
Eddie lifted his head, narrowing his eyes, “We’ve literally never done this before.”
“Well obviously, but we always have these kinds of moments in the kitchen.”
Eddie let himself reflect for a minute, also using the opportunity to catch his breath and, huh, Buck had a point. He could count several times where it seems like they’d come dangerously close to this whilst standing in one of their kitchens.
Before he could respond, Buck was tugging him towards the couch, pushing Eddie back and straddling him within one swift motion.
As quick as it had started, some kind of noise out the back distracted Buck, giving Eddie the leverage to flip their positions and allow him to be the one with his thighs bracketed either side of Buck’s lap.
“You-”
“Hi,” Eddie looked down at him, taking in Buck’s flushed cheeks and playfully irritated expression.
“Hi,” Buck grinned up at him, his hands trailing up and down Eddie’s sides.
Just when Eddie leaned down again, Buck pulled back abruptly, “This isn’t a prank, is it?”
“Oh my God.”
Buck pulled Eddie down, planting a few soft kisses against his lips, “You started it!”
“I did.”
Eddie was about to deepen the kiss when Buck pulled back again, “Buck, seriously.”
“No- Wait. Chim is never going to believe us.”
“What?”
“He’s never going to believe we got together on April Fool’s Day! You know how he is!” Buck pushed some hair away from Eddie’s forehead, clearly trying to remain serious but failing miserably after meeting his eyes, “What?”
Eddie’s gaze darted down to Buck’s neck, “I think he’ll believe us.”
Buck pulled out his phone, using his camera as a mirror and angling it to the spot Eddie was staring proudly at, “Shit, Eddie!” He gasped, staring at the mark through his phone for a while before throwing it back down and surging up to him, “He’s gonna kill us,” he breathed between kisses.
“Probably.”
Buck angled his neck back once again, an open invitation for Eddie, “Let him,” and then, “You know this means we have to celebrate April Fool’s Day every year, right?”
And, well, that they do.
“It also means if you ever try to break up with me, I’ll claim it’s a prank,” Eddie countered.
“Oh, really?”
“Mhm,” Eddie hummed, stealing yet another kiss, “Now shut up and kiss me.”
“Bossy-”
Eddie cut him off with a firm press of his lips against Buck’s, grinning into it the whole way.
Turns out, April Fool’s Day is Eddie’s new favorite holiday.