Chapter Text
r/Advice
Shanehollander_student • 2 days agoI’M (20M) WORRIED THAT I’M BEING HOMOPHOBIC TO MY ROOMMATE (20M). HOW CAN I STOP BEING SUCH A DICK?
Okay, so for context, I have never considered myself homophobic or discriminatory or anything in the past and actually, I’ve always thought of myself as pretty accepting. One of my old friends is gay and we grew up training together (I do hockey, he does figure skating) and my best friend—let’s call her Red—has a gay friend who I’ve always been fine around. So this is all a bit unexpected of me.
I’ve been living with my roommate “Lily” for about ten months now, with little to no issues until now.
As far as roommates go, he’s practically perfect. He has, like, no stuff and spends most of his time out and about, going to class or at the rink or out drinking with his friends. Whenever he’s home, he’ll cook us both some dinner and we like to sit on the sofa and chat about our favourite teams and whatever we’ve got going on that week. It’s nice.
Sometimes, he’ll catch me on my way out to class and walk with me to my lecture hall. If he’s there after my class, we’ll go to the coffee shop near campus and get a drink together and talk for hours and hours. I cannot count how many times he’ll make me laugh in one afternoon. It’s incredible. He’s got that snarky, witty humour that sort of makes you feel like you shouldn’t be laughing ‘cause it’s so raunchy but you laugh anyway because you can’t help yourself around him. My favourite moment is when I make him laugh and I hear that loud, infectious cackle, paired with his big, handsome smile; it makes me feel so warm and proud inside, like I could fly.
Anyways.
I’ve known from the start that he likes to sleep around. He asked me pretty much in the first hour of moving in whether he could bring people back and I got so flustered that I immediately said yes once I could catch my breath before even really processing what that meant. I regretted it soon after once I realised that it meant that I would have to hear different women come into our apartment every fucking week.
And, like… of course I get it. I get why he’s sleeping around. I would do the same if I was also that attractive. If there’s one thing you need to know about Lily is that he’s SUPER fucking hot. You might think I’m exaggerating but I’m really not. He’s got these really pretty eyes that look like tiger eye stones in the sunlight and his hair looks like it’s been made out of sun rays and soft bouncy clouds because it’s so curly and soft. Not to mention, his abs are so fucking hard and defined that I find myself wondering if they’re made out of literal brick.
But that’s besides the point. The point is, about 3 months ago, Lily started to bring men around too. Now, I wanna say that I had no problem with him bringing women home (I did not like that either) but for some reason, when he brings men home I feel even worse and it’s starting to become a problem. I just feel so disgusted and uncomfortable for some reason, which makes me feel so disgusted at myself.
The first time it happened, I was acting so weird the morning after that he asked me if I had eaten something bad. Like!? My reaction was so bad, he thought I had FOOD POISONING.
I just said, “No, I just didn’t realise you liked men,” which was so embarrassing to admit.
And then, to add to my mortification, he just raised his eyebrows, bemused, and said, “Hollander, you have a problem with bisexuals?” But I could tell that he was nervous because he was fidgeting with the edge of the stool so I quickly made up an excuse and vehemently denied being homophobic. Or biphobic, or whatever.
The next time it happened, my reaction was pretty much the same. The hook-up guy was sitting on our sofa eating cereal and I made some offhand comment about having to clean it or something so he’d leave. In my head, I thought it was pretty tame but the guy looked offended and I could tell Lily was upset. His mouth was downturned into a frown and his eyes looked so lifeless, so disappointed. But, like, I feel like I could have said way worse? LILY would have probably said worse in my shoes, so I dunno why he was so mad about it.
The third time was much worse. After the guy left, Lily cornered me and asked if I had a problem with him sleeping with men. I tried to say no but unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough and he took my hesitation as confirmation.
He started to walk away and I panicked so I grabbed onto his shoulder and pulled him towards me. I told him that I was just stressed out about school work and that random people in our apartment were making it worse.
Lily nodded sagely, looking down at the floor, but then I saw a lightbulb go off in his head and he looked up at me expectedly and told me he couldn’t cope without having people around every week.
I was really confused so I furrowed my brows and asked him, “What do you mean?”
He shrugged nonchalantly and responded that sex calms him down so him not bringing people over could actually make HIM stressed instead of me.
Naturally, it made the most sense to me to offer my services so that he doesn’t have to find other men to relax himself, and also might help me become less homophobic if I’m experiencing him directly.
He lit up and seemed to really appreciate my offer. He asked if I wanted to go now and I was already in so deep that I just said yes.
Then, he quickly grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me so hard my knees nearly buckled all the way to the floor. Up to that point, I had only really kissed women before so I instinctively grabbed his waist, pleasantly surprised by how dense it was compared to what I was used to. I quickly became lost in the feeling of his wet lips against mine, his muscles flexing against my fingers and the ghost of his breath against my face.
In fast succession, he moved on to my neck, then my chest, then to my hips and before I could even process any of it, his mouth was on my dick. The wet, tight heat that engulfed my dick was so intense, I wouldn’t be surprised if I passed out and went to Heaven right then and there. He kept asking if it was okay, if it felt good but I was in such a lust-crazed daze that I think I just nodded at everything, I could only say yes, yes, yes.
I lasted such an embarrassingly short time that I could barely warn him that I was coming until a series of moans and expletives left my mouth and I was shooting thick, hot ropes of cum down his awaiting throat.
Luckily, he didn’t seem to mind. He came off my dick with a quick pop and slammed his lips onto mine, licking into my mouth, letting me taste myself.
It was so fucking hot. I mean, I was no stranger to blowjobs before this but HOLY fuck. It was lifechanging; I don’t think I could ever forget that encounter if I ever wanted to.
Guys definitely have the home-game advantage when it comes to pleasuring another man.
Afterwards, I tried to recreate what he did to me but I don’t think I did it as well as him. The length of him was hard to get used to, especially with my gag reflex, and I don’t think I got the movement of bobbing my head back and forth quite right. It was also hard to focus with him staring down at me giving commands, his beautiful hazel eyes narrowed and his mouth open wide, slack in pleasure.
However, he seemed to enjoy it anyway, pulling me off after a minute or two to jerk himself off until he came onto his own stomach.
I was scared it would be awkward after but he gave me that crooked, boyish smile and asked if I wanted a shower. I glanced down at the both of us and, realising we were both covered in a gross mixture of jizz and spit, quickly nodded and followed him to our bathroom.
We kissed a few times in the shower but mostly kept to our main purpose: to wash each other off. He cleaned my chest, my legs and my groin, while I washed his chest, his back and his hair. Turns out, he has this really nice fancy curly conditioner thing from his friend that smells like lavender so I got to use that on his curls and run my hands through them.
By the time we had dried off and everything, it was time for me to go to class so he walked me to the door to say goodbye. Suddenly, I was unsure what to do, lacking the social rules for an interaction with the roommate I just sucked off. Luckily, he smiled at me like nothing had changed and wished me a good lesson. I leaned forward and gave him a small kiss on the cheek and told him that if he ever needed to de-stress or anything, he could come to me. The look on his face was priceless.
A couple of days later, I was lying in bed listening to my sleep meditation when Lily knocked on my door, wearing a shy smile on his face. He tip-toed in and asked if I was up for another session. I was confused for a second until he pulled down his brief and began stroking his dick. I quickly pulled him into my bed and got to work.
After he came on my chest, he flipped us over and started jerking me off with one hand, and stroking my sides with another. He kissed me the whole time, his lips stifling my moans and whines. After I ejaculated all over his hand and his stomach, he lay his big, muscled body on top of me, kissing me more. I would have expected his weight to be too overstimulating, especially after such an intense orgasm, but it was actually really grounding and nice.
He grabbed a wet towel and wiped me down but I was too tired to clean him too. I tried to stay awake and talk to him but I’m pretty sure I fell asleep, like, 5 minutes after I came.
After that, it became pretty common for one of us to go into each other’s rooms and suck or jerk each other off when we were feeling pretty stressed.
I was nearly sure that I was starting to get over my homophobia because I hadn’t felt that hot, heavy disgust in a while but then one night proved me completely wrong.
We were in his bed and I was lying down, running my fingers through his blond curls while his head was moving up and down in between my thighs, sucking the soul out of my dick.
He did something funky with my asshole… with his hands or something. (I don’t know, I was too blissed out to process anything properly.) Anyway, along with his mouth on my body and the fondling with his fingers, the pleasure was too much that I came so hard I think I saw stars. It took me a few minutes to come down from that frenzied state and I’m certain I was moaning his name the whole time, incapable of keeping any sounds to myself.
He held me in his strong arms the whole time, rocking me back and forth as the overwhelming ripples of pleasure passed through my body. In that moment, I had never felt so safe, so warm and fuzzy and enveloped in his embrace. It was like nothing else mattered but us, holding each other in our little recess we had carved out from the world.
After I had come down from that high, I stared at his face in a mixture of awe and admiration. This man, only this man could make me feel that good. Only this man had seen the deepest, darkest parts of my body. He made me feel so good. How did he make me feel so good?
And then: how DID he make me feel so good? Who else had he been with, before me? How many assholes had he played with before he realised what worked?
In that sudden moment, I sat up and flung his bedsheets off myself, eager to get the hell out of his room. He exclaimed my name and tried to follow me but I only had one thing on my mind.
I felt stupid for forgetting how this arrangement had started in the first place. I felt embarrassed for temporarily forgetting about my homophobia and my disdain for Lily’s past partners. Clearly I still had far to go.
Since that night, things between me and Lily have been awkward.
He brought another man back to our apartment the other night and I felt so uncomfortable I nearly threw up at the sight of them in the same room. I think Lily is uncomfortable too. He barely looks at me these days.
I feel so guilty; Lily deserves a roommate who won’t judge him for his sexual preference. Is there any way I can get over this homophobic feeling and stop being such a dick?
↑ 7.305 ↓ 12.205 🗨 2.844
Shane sighed, feeling a mixture of relief and anxiety about uploading his first post on Reddit. He had heard that people on Reddit had very strong opinions, so hopefully he could get some advice on his situation. It also meant that he wouldn’t have to go to anyone in person. He would probably rather die than talk to anyone about his bigotry.
***
“And I told him to fuck off, obviously,” Rose said, across the table from Shane. “No one can speak to Miles like that. What a fucking jerk.”
“Right, yeah.” Shane gulped. “That’s disgusting.”
She nodded, holding up her latte in agreement. “Homophobia is disgusting! Thank you, Shane. You’re, like, the only good guy that still exists.”
Shane grimaced. If she really knew him, she wouldn’t say that.
“I mean, like, seriously,” Rose continued, frowning. “Is it that hard to just be a good person? Like, what did gay people ever do to you?”
Hog your apartment and sleep with your roommate, Shane didn’t say. She probably wouldn’t appreciate that. Instead he just cleared his throat and said, “Is homophobic the worst thing a person could be?”
She turned to look at him, her brows furrowed in thought. “I mean… I guess technically no? But on a list of bad things you could be, it’s up there, yeah.”
He nodded, swallowing the lump of guilt in his throat. “Ah.”
“Why do you ask?”
Shane glanced to the side, ashamed. “No reason.”
“Uh,” she narrowed her eyes, “you’re doing your ‘guilty’ face. What is it?”
“Nothing.”
“Shane.”
“Alright, fine.” He looked up at her shyly. “Promise you won’t judge?”
She smiled at him, sarcastically. “When have I ever judged anyone?”
Shane rolled his eyes. He supposed that comment could be slightly reassuring but the ball of nerves sitting at the bottom of his stomach tightened. He exhaled sharply, mentally preparing himself for the incoming judgement. “...I think I’m homophobic.”
“What?”
“I think I’m homophobic.”
“What the fuck do you mean ‘you think you’re homophobic’?”
He groaned. “I don’t know! I think I’m prejudiced against gay people. Isn’t that pretty self-explanatory?”
“What do you—how can that… What—that doesn’t even make sense. You’ve been to gay bars with me and Miles. You’ve watched Mean Girls with me twice. How could you be homophobic?” She shook her head, resolved and stubbornly. “I don’t think you’re homophobic.”
“I am, Rose.”
“To who!? I sure as hell haven’t witnessed it.”
“To Ilya.”
“To Ilya?” She frowned, leaning over the table to whisper, “Ilya’s gay? Since when?”
“He’s not gay.” Shane rolled his eyes. “He’s bisexual.”
“Oh, sorry,” she replied sarcastically, holding her palms up in mock surrender. “My bad. So you’re not homophobic, you’re biphobic.”
He twisted his mouth in thought. “Am I, though? ‘Cause I don’t really have a problem with him liking both men and women, it’s just the men thing I have a problem with.”
“I would have thought you’d be happy. He’s so hot. If he gets with men now, you have more women to yourself. You don’t have to worry about women choosing him over you.”
“Rose, please be serious.”
“I am! You know, when I asked you to get coffee with me today, this is not what I was expecting.”
He nodded sagely, unable to do anything but accept his situation. “Yeah, I know. Sorry.”
“No, no.” Rose smiled. “I’m happy to be of help. So… what do you wanna do now? You want me to convince you you’re not homophobic again?”
Shane sighed, gesturing in front of him. “Well… I don’t know. I made a Reddit post but—”
“Shut the front door,” she interrupted, holding one hand out, looking way more excited than she should be. “You made a Reddit post?”
“Yeah?”
“And you didn’t fucking lead with that?”
“Sorry, I was busy freaking out over being—”
“No, no, no. I’m gonna need to see this. This is hilarious.” She waved her hand between them. “Give it to me.”
“Rose—”
“Give it.”
He sighed, finally relenting and handing her the phone.
She raised her eyebrows at his handle. “Okay, shanehollander_student? Wow, real subtle here.”
He flushed. “Shut up.”
“No, seriously. Anyone could find you on here. That was the best username you could come up with?”
“It’s accurate.”
She looked at him and giggled. “You’re so cute.” Then, she scrolled to the analytics and her eyebrows shot to the roof. “This is viral! Jesus. Shane, have you seen how many fucking comments you’ve received?”
“I…haven’t actually read the comments.”
“You haven’t read the comments? What’s the point of making a Reddit post then?”
The truth was, he was too nervous to check the comments. He was scared they’d be full of judgement, full of hate, even if he deserved it for being so bigoted. “I don’t know.”
She chortled. “You thought the responses would just travel to you by osmosis?”
Shane didn’t even have the energy to tell her that that wasn’t even remotely how osmosis worked, because she was already half way through the post. He waited with bated breath.
“So, Ilya is Lily… I’m assuming I’m ‘Red’?”
“Yeah.”
“Holy, fuck.” She exhaled sharply, her eyebrows raising as she read further. “This is detailed.”
Shane flushed. “Well, yeah. I thought it would be better to have more information. So the comments can be as objective as possible.”
“Yeah… This is definitely a lot of information.”
He nodded, moving over to watch her scroll through his post over her shoulder. It was a little embarrassing to know that she was reading through his private confession, but it was an unfortunately necessary step to fix his ailment.
“These comments are interesting.” She raised her eyebrows, scrolling through them. “They’re very…mixed.”
He leaned closer and began to read.
leila_minty • 2d ago
Is this ragebait?ryujinsgf • 2d ago
lmaoo frorange_spirit43 • 2d ago
What did I just read?twcemina • 2d ago
I dont think homophobia is what you should be asking about…donenditsuk • 2d ago
gayest shit ive read in my lifebigpoppadonut • 2d ago
You wrote gay porn on fucking reddit and youre wondering if youre homophobic?? Dont piss me off
“Ooh, this one is good,” Rose said, angling the phone so he could read it.
MegTheeLesbian • 1d ago
Op, is it possible you’re actually jealous of Lily’s partners? With all due respect, given the fact that you’ve had gay sex, I don’t really think that you’re straight… Maybe you were so upset with the idea of Lily being with anyone else that you mistook it for homophobia?MingyusFangs64 • 22h ago
This is totally jealousy! I can’t imagine a “hot, heavy” feeling being pure homophobia.GaryPotsmouth1958 • 19h ago
Can confirm. Homophobia definitely doesn’t feel like whatever this guy is feeling. Believe me.MingyusFangs64 • 17h ago
???
Shane furrowed his brows. “I don’t think it’s jealousy.”
Rose spun her chair around and gave him a pointed look. “You seriously wanna believe you’re homophobic over maybe feeling jealous about who Ilya sleeps with?”
“There’s no reason for me to be jealous of Ilya’s lovers.” Even the word ‘lovers’ made Shane want to barf.
“You’re telling me you have no reason to think that you have feelings for Ilya?”
Shane spluttered, with no valid rebuttal. “What reason would you have?”
“Uhh.” She pretended to think about it. “Maybe the fact that you just raved about how attractive he is and how good his mouth feels on your d—”
“Jesus, Rose! We’re in public!”
“And how he used his fingers to make you co—”
“Okay! Okay! I get it.”
“Do you, though?” She waved his phone around in the air before handing it back to him. “Do I need to read you your own words?”
He grabbed the phone back and slid down his seat, grumbling, “No… You don’t.”
Before they parted, he promised to think about it, and maybe even talk to Ilya about it. The latter was a firm NO initially, but he could try to reflect a little bit. With the use of Reddit and Rose, surely he could come to a peaceful conclusion without talking to Ilya. Right?