Chapter Text
After the excitement of his first drive had worn out, Rover quickly began to understand what Jiyan meant when he described driving as monotonous and boring. There only was so much to see outside, and the car offered no more interesting mysteries to uncover, at least not on the passenger seat.
The sun had wandered far, judging from the light seeping through the gray clouds hanging in the sky.
Rover sighed.
Jiyan responded with a sigh of his own, reaching down to massage his thigh that was beginning to cramp up above the knee from keeping his foot on the gas for hours on end.
“So, Doctor Jiyan,” Rover started, “if we have nothing to do, you might as well make true on your promise.”
“What promise?” Jiyan asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Just how long had it been since someone addressed him so? So long that he did, in fact, stumble briefly when he remembered that, yes, he was a medic - which was technically not the same thing as a doctor, but close enough for most - as well as the General.
“You said that you’d explain in - those were your words - as much detail as I want where children come from and what sex has to do with it.”
Jiyan’s lips twitched into a small smile. “Right. I said that. And I stand by it. Truly, that’s something you should most definitely know.”
“I agree.” Rover nodded. “I wouldn’t want to accidentally end up with a kid. I think.”
Jiyan choked. “That won’t happen.” Then his eyes grew wider. “Then again, who knows? Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask, only if you’re comfortable answering, but… Do you think you could be interested in being intimate with women too?”
“Women,” Rover said thoughtfully, thinking about all of the sort that he knew, “I like women. Jinhsi and Baizhi are very accomplished and cool and also pretty. And Chixia and Yangyang are my best friends. But… I don’t know. How would I know?”
“Well, I recall you knew rather well what you wanted from me,” Jiyan said, fighting down the fluttering feeling in his stomach, “The kissing, the undressing, the sex… Could you picture doing something like that with a woman? Not specifically someone you know, just in the most general sense.”
Rover shook himself and frowned. “I don’t think so,” he said, crinkling his nose.
“Okay, that’s fair. Like I said, it’s all a matter of preference, though things like that sit deep. Who you feel lust for and such, it’s not something you can control. Like… Like a Resonator and their Forte, right? You don’t decide what you resonate with. It’s just a part of you. For some it’s always there, for others it’s only revealed as they grow up, and yet others see themselves evolve throughout their lifetime.”
“Mhm,” Rover hummed, “I guess that makes sense.”
“So, that much is for sure: As long as you don’t have sex with someone assigned female at birth, you won’t be making children.”
“Assigned? Who assigns that? And how?”
“The doctors, based on the person’s reproductive organs,” Jiyan said, “It’s not all cut and dry, sex and gender exist in spectrums and not binaries, but I suppose we should keep it simple for now and talk about males and females as defined by their sex organs.”
“Which are?” Rover pressed on.
“You know what males have. A penis and testicles,” Jiyan said, his voice falling into a familiar, but by now far behind tone. He spoke like he was delivering a diagnosis or treatment plan. “And females have a vagina. That’s a canal that ends at the cervix behind which sits the uterus, and connected to that are two ovaries.”
“Whoa,” Rover breathed, “Women sound complicated. So… They have an opening instead of a penis, yeah?”
“Right,” Jiyan said and wished he’d brought a book. Learning and teaching were easier with pictures, but anatomical literature was unfortunately not part of his extensive travel utensils.
“And a uterus, what’s that?”
“It’s a relatively small organ in the lower abdomen, about the size of a closed fist. Usually people call it the womb, and when a woman gets pregnant, that’s where the child, called an embryo and later in the pregnancy a fetus, will develop, starting small and growing a little every day. We also call that gestation.”
“Oh, so that’s why that one woman was so… round,” Rover said, remembering his confusion upon a Jinzhou citizen’s body shape while taking a stroll around town once. Then his face fell. “How does it come out? Babies are big, aren’t they?”
Jiyan let out a puff of air. “It comes out the way it came in: through the vagina. At least in a natural birth, and yes, before you ask: It’s very painful. I still remember my first birth, I mean, not mine- I…” He interrupted himself with a laugh. “I was there, assisting my mother deliver a family friend’s baby. That stuck with me until this day, the kind of experience you never forget. People call it a miracle, and it really is. A child’s first breath, first cry… Suddenly, there’s a new tiny person in the world, and they make it known very loudly, if all is well.”
“Hmm. I don’t think I’ve ever really seen a baby up close,” Rover said, “The children I see running around are all bigger.”
“Oh!” Jiyan’s eyes started gleaming. “When we’re back in Jinzhou, I’ll take you to the medical center’s neonatal unit to see the newborns. It’s… something that’s cheered me up many times before after coming back from the battlefield. Looking at the babies makes me remember whose future I’m fighting for.”
Rover’s gaze grew soft when he looked at Jiyan. “Do you want children of your own?”
Jiyan thought for a minute, his expression showing sorrow. “No,” he said quietly, “At least not in the foreseeable future. I’m the General. I can’t be a father when every day could be my last. I could never do that to a child. I’ve seen them… The siblings and kids of those we lost on the frontlines. No, absolutely not. Not to mention that having a child is only half the work, and raising them is a commitment that I don’t see myself able to make, as it stands.”
“Well, you’re not going to be the General forever, right?” Rover asked, “Do you think you’ll ever settle down? Maybe then?”
Jiyan tapped the steering wheel thoughtfully. “If that day ever comes, then… maybe. I wouldn’t rule it out entirely.”
“Being a parent is probably really hard work,” Rover considered, “But I think you’d be good at it.”
Jiyan breathed against the tightness in his throat, trying not to imagine the future, but the visions rushed in regardless. Like a tapestry, the images unfurled. Children playing in a garden. A dog like his own all those years ago. Small hands clutching a wooden sword: Laughter that sounded clear like the chime of small bells. A smile untainted by the weight of the world. Maybe. One day.
“But that doesn’t answer the question of where they come from, the little critters,” Rover said, sensing Jiyan would rather get back into more comfortable topics of discussion.
“Right, yeah,” the General groaned, wiping over his face and trying to focus, “Where were we?”
“Talking about uterus..ses?” Rover asked.
“Uteruses or uteri,” Jiyan said with a chuckle.
“And the other thing. What was it? That word that sounds like Ovathrax.”
“Ovaries,” Jiyan supplied, “So, okay, a woman goes through a monthly menstrual cycle during which an egg, or ovum, ripens in one of the ovaries while the inner lining of the uterus thickens. Ovulation occurs, during which the ovum exits the ovary and travels down the fallopian tube into the uterus.”
Rover’s eyebrows rose higher on his forehead with every word Jiyan said. That sure was a lot of complicated sounding medical jargon. And he wasn’t done.
“Then one of two things happen: either the egg gets fertilized which is the beginning of a pregnancy. Or it doesn’t, in which case the uterine lining will be shed and expelled, which makes itself known as bleeding lasting around five days.”
“Bleeding? Oh, that does not sound nice.” Rover frowned.
“It’s not,” Jiyan said, “Sometimes it causes cramps that can range from mild discomfort to actually debilitating pain. Women are the strongest soldiers, and if there’s one thing I know well, that’s soldiers.”
Rover hummed unhappily. “And they go through that month after month?”
“Between sexual maturation and menopause, which occurs in a woman’s late forties or fifties. Then menstruation stops.” Jiyan nodded.
“Wow, I really had no idea…”
“To be completely honest,” Jiyan said sharply, “You’re now already better educated on reproductive health and female anatomy than most men. It’s actually shameful how little many guys know about all this stuff.”
“Oh, well, I’m glad I’m learning in any case,” Rover said, “Tell me more. What’s the other option when there’s no bleed?”
“Pregnancy, yes. That’s where the man comes in. His contribution to the gestation process is minor, to put it mildly, but integral for pregnancy to occur. Males produce the other kind of reproductive cell called a spermatozoon or simply sperm for short. Now, in a natural setting, a male and a female would have sexual intercourse, and during the male’s climax, ejaculation occurs which releases seminal fluid. You’ve seen it.”
“Oh yeah, that strange goop.”
Jiyan snorted. “It is a bit strange, isn’t it? When you think about it like that… I remember how weird it all felt when I went through puberty. I guess you skipped most of it, but you can’t get around the questionable magic that is a sexual awakening.”
Rover snickered. “I mean, you definitely made it feel magical. But now I’m learning it’s all just science. Ugh!”
With a laugh, Jiyan said, “Everything is science! Why would sex be any different?”
“True, true.” Rover joined in his laughter, then leaned his face into one of the day’s rare sunbeams coming in through the windshield. “So, what’s the deal with the goopy stuff? And please tell me what I can call it instead of goop.”
“As most things, it has a plethora of colloquial names,” Jiyan said, starting a list that would sound filthy anywhere outside their little learning bubble, “Ejaculate, seed, semen… I’ll spare you all the more dirty terms, but most people, me included, simply call it cum.”
“Cum,” Rover repeated, testing the sound of the word, “Short, to the point. I like it.”
“Great,” Jiyan said with a shake of his head, “Well, to get back on track now. What you need to know is that it contains millions of sperm cells.”
“Millions?!” Rover called out.
“Oh yes,” Jiyan confirmed, “but really it only takes one. During fertilization, one sperm cell fuses with the ovum, and then… Hold on, do you know what DNA is?”
“DNA? I think I’ve heard of it, but I couldn’t tell you much about it.”
“Ah, well, all animals have DNA which controls pretty much everything in our bodies. On the most fundamental level, it makes us who we are. It’s like the blueprint for your body’s construction, determining things like your skin, hair, and eye colors and everything else. DNA always mutates, sometimes it can be more extreme like my mutations. My hair and the scales, those are a consequence of my DNA being changed through my Awakening.”
Rover hummed to indicate he was still listening.
“In each cell, one set of DNA is stored in a condensed shape. We call those chromosomes. Humans have forty-six, which are in twenty-three sets. Gametes, or reproductive cells, contain half of a human’s chromosomes.”
“Oh!” Rover called, “I think I get it. Half is in the egg and half is in the sperm, and then they combine to make a new set? So a kid is half of each of their parents’ DNA?”
“Exactly!” Jiyan commended him, “Aren’t you clever?”
Rover looked away with a bashful smile and played the compliment right back. “It’s easy to learn when you have a good teacher.”
Jiyan let out a breathy laugh. “I try my best. It’s fascinating, isn’t it? From two microscopic cells that are too small to even see coming together to a whole new human being.”
“It is,” Rover agreed, “but what exactly is it that happens to make something little so large?”
“Ah, well, the cells split. One becomes two, then four and eight, and so on and so forth. The cells start specializing to become bones or skin or hair, and when there’s enough of them, you get a person.”
“I’m all cells?” Rover asked, looking at his hands as though it would let him see them.
“All cells. Billions of cells coming together, each doing what the DNA tells it to do to make the whole machinery of a human work. They’re always splitting to regenerate. Not just when you get hurt and they have to fix the damage, but generally. With some rare exceptions, it’s a constant cycle of decay and rebirth. Some cells only live a few days or weeks, others can last years.”
“Constant replacements?” Rover asked, pressing his pointer to his lips, “So when my whole substance changes, will I still be the same person as I am now?”
“That, my dear companion,” Jiyan chuckled, “is starting to leave the realm of natural science and toeing the line to a philosophical problem. You’ll have to discuss that with someone else. Philosophy is far beyond my scope of expertise. Maybe ask Mortefi. Oh, the endless rants he used to go on on questions just at the edge of the material.”
“I don’t know how to do philosophy,” Rover said, “I don’t even really know what philosophy is.”
“Just like everything is science, everything is philosophy,” Jiyan sighed, “But philosophy asks questions that you won’t ever find a final answer for. Questions of ethics and morals, but also the cosmic questions of meaning. Why are we here? What are we here for? How can you be a decent human being? How do you find meaning in life? And so on and so forth… Start diving into it and you won’t ever come back out, so tread cautiously should you ever really get into philosophy.”
“Heh, I’ll keep it in mind.”
The two paused, their silence only interrupted by the hum of the truck’s engine and the sounds the bodywork made when it lumbered over the uneven road.
“Thank you,” Rover now said, “I feel like I know much more now. Can I… Can I ask you again if there’s anything I don’t understand? Not just about medicine and stuff, just about the world in general.”
“Anytime,” Jiyan said, gazing upon his friend warmly, “I can’t promise I’ll have all the answers, but I’ll do my best to help you or find someone else who does.”
Rover nodded. After some more silence, he asked, “Do you think I have parents?”
“I would assume so,” the General answered, “I mean, you have to have come from somewhere.”
“Somewhere, yeah,” Rover muttered, his fingertips grazing over the freckles on his arm, “I think that somewhere is really far away.”
“Maybe it is. Not necessarily in location, though,” Jiyan said thoughtfully, “I hope you’ll forgive me, but I took the liberty of doing some research aided by a friend from the Black Shores. Their archives are kept very secret, but there’s this old tale that each culture on Solaris-3 recounts differently. Have you ever heard of the first Resonator?”
“Hmm, no, don’t think so,” Rover said.
“Little is known about them. Some stories see them wielding dark flames, others say they harnessed light itself as a weapon. We don’t know what they look like, but the Black Shores archives describe them as having golden eyes, at least. I know it’s far-fetched and not a lot to go off of, but the first Resonator and you are the only people I know of who are said to wield more than one set of Resonance Abilities. So… maybe there is a connection there. Though, obviously, the first Resonator lived long, long ago, but no one knows how their story ended. Or if.”
“You think we’re related?” Rover asked, not sounding like he put a lot of faith into the theory.
“Related, reincarnated, I don’t know. Who would? But you have walked this world before. Jué Themselves said so. That you were there when Jinzhou was founded centuries ago. I don’t know if it was really you or someone who shared a lot of your characteristics. That’s a mystery for you to solve, but I have faith you will. Not in Jinzhou, maybe not even in Huanglong. But you will find your answers.”
Rover stared at Jiyan for a long while, the General intentionally avoiding looking back, then he returned his focus to the world rushing past them.
Eventually, the conversation faded into the background, but it never left Rover’s mind. Not for a single day. He kept it safe, held it tight, and whenever he uncovered a little tile that was one fraction of the mosaic making up his past, he would remember Jiyan’s words.
‘You will find your answers.’