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Thursday October 30th 2025
“…you only have 3 months left” was the last thing I heard. My ears were ringing and it seemed as if I was separated from the outside world by an invisible wall. We were currently at the doctor’s office and he was saying something to my parents but I wasn’t really listening. Mummy was crying, huh that was the first time I had seen her shed tears, ever. “…...I apologize there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s already in the third stage” I vaguely heard the doctor addressing my parents as I came to from my daze. That’s right, somehow it managed to go unnoticed till it reached the third stage, and the growth was too close to my heart to operate on. Quite the pity
Sunday November 2nd 2025
Mummy prayed for me in church today. She ended up bursting into tears halfway through. Its strange, I’ve seen her cry in the past few days more time than she has in my whole life. During the prayer a strange thought came to my mind. What was the need for praying, I’m already one foot out of the gates already. Is there really any point now? Oh well.
Saturday November 15th 2025
It’s been quite gloomy at home these days. I’m the one dying yet it seems like everyone except me is the one going through shit. Quite strange really. Big bro asked me what I wanted for my birthday yesterday. I didn’t really know what to ask, I mean I’ll be gone in a while so what’s the point. I asked for a cake anyways.
Thursday November 20th 2025
Everybody’s been busy these days. Seems like they want to throw a birthday party for me. I don’t quite get the excitement. But if that’s what they want then that’s alright
Sunday November 23rd 2025
I turned 18 today. We had a small party at home. It was quite lovely. Felt really dizzy and tired halfway through. Endured it though. Didn’t want to alarm anybody. I feel very happy.
Friday December 5th 2025
Woke up feely very disoriented today. I tried recalling a lot of things but I couldn’t. It’s a very strange thing. I feel so old. Daddy called the doctor today and he said it’s normal to happen. Mummy cried again today. Sigh
Monday December 8th 2025
We went to the hospital again today. Doctor M said I have to go under the knife. It’s funny, I used to be so scared of surgeries. Now I just want to get it done and be done with it.
Friday December 12th 2025
Today is the day I get my boobs chopped. Lol. That’s very funny to say. Decided to shave my head off. Killing two birds with one stone you know. While waiting for my surgery time I was scrolling online and I saw a very pretty dress. Decided to get it even though it was quite pricy. I mean you only live once. hehe get it?
Sunday December 21st 2025
I was discharged today. Christmas is in a few days. Nobody at home seems to be in the mood to celebrate. Quite the pity. It’s my favorite holiday.
Wednesday December 24th 2025
Told my mom I wanted to decorate for Christmas and she agreed. Its quite late though, but I mean better late than never aye?
Thursday January 1st 2026
Happy New Year
Friday January 9th 2026
I’ve been in bed for most of the week. It’s been pretty hard to get my muscles to do what I want it to do. Oh, also my dress came in the mail. I really like it. Told my parents that I want to be buried in the dress. Leaving in style ya know.
Friday January 30th 2026
Ended up in the hospital again. Its getting harder to breathe. I’m so tired.
Thursday February 12th 2026
Got discharged last week. The doctor said I should go home and tie up loose ends. What loose ends? I didn’t even get to finish college. What a joke
Saturday February 28th 2026
How long has it even been. Everything is blurred up. I’m so tired
Saturday March 7th 2026
I woke up feeling very strong today. If not for the very annoying noise of machine connected to me, I would’ve thought that the past months were a dream. We all went out today, to the beach. I haven’t seen the beach in so long. I was able to run around with my cousins for a bit without feeling tired. For some reason that made mummy cry again. We got home and sat down in the parlor and spent the rest of the evening reminiscing. I’m currently in my room now, I’ve worn my new dress. It’s so pretty.
You know I’ve heard a lot of times people say that they knew when they were about to leave. Never really understood them until now.
I guess death makes people suddenly turn wise. During the past months where I’ve been stuck in bed all day, I’ve been thinking a lot. About regrets. Even during my last hospital checkup, Nurse T asked me if I had any thing I regret. Thinking back that was truly a foolish question to ask.
Regrets. I don’t really have much. It would’ve been nice to actually finish school though, and maybe get a partner. I’ll die without being in a relationship. True embodiment of Buddha's monk principle. Lol.
I’m getting really tired now. It’s past 10 pm. I probably won’t be able to say goodbye to everybody. That’s probably for the best.
They might end up reading this tho, huhhh? Never really thought of that. So uhm. I guess I should say something
Hey
If you’re reading this, its probably because I’m already gone. Don’t be too sad.
Move on with life, chase your dreams, don’t let the past weigh you down too much.
And to my amazing big sister, take care of the boys for me, apologies for breaking my promise and not accompanying you on your big day. Love you all so much
With Love
Your lovely gorgeous little sister