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Spencer and Tommy were supposed to be casual. At least, that’s what Tommy kept insisting. Yet the gentle brush of Tommy’s thumb on his hand, the spark in his eyes when Spencer arrived at work, and the sweet nothings whispered in the dark—all of it was supposed to mean nothing. But one day, this so-called “casual affair” began to crumble for Spencer.
The morning Tommy walked into work, Spencer’s heart skipped. Tommy radiated that effortless confidence, the kind that filled the room and made Spencer feel both seen and invisible all at once. Spencer’s fingers fidgeted with his phone as he watched, anticipation fluttering in his chest. But before he could reach Tommy, a tall figure swept by, sending a cool draft through Spencer’s curls. Tommy passed him; no glance, no spark, not even the ghost of a smile. It was as if Spencer had faded into the background, erased with a single, careless gesture.
Spencer’s breath caught. The world seemed to hush, everything slowing for a heartbeat as he watched Tommy join the crowd across the room. A hollowness yawned inside him, sharp and sudden, as if something precious had slipped from his grasp and shattered.
Tommy grinned as he entered the cool-toned room, his gaze landing instantly on his friends gathered in the center: Angela, Courtney, Amanda, and Shayne. He practically jogged over, laughter already bubbling as he joined their circle. Nobody glanced at Spencer, sunk halfway into a beanbag near the wall, clutching his phone like a lifeline.
The others chatted about schedules and after-work plans, their voices a distant hum. Spencer’s chest felt tight; each laugh from the group was like a pebble dropped in the pit of his stomach. He tried to distract himself using a common therapy trick: find every color in the room. Red: a notebook. Orange: a coffee mug. Yellow: someone’s shoelaces. When he reached green, his gaze snagged on Tommy’s sweater. He meant to look away, but couldn’t. His eyes lingered, burning a silent plea into Tommy’s back.
He willed Tommy to turn, to see him. Instead, he only felt the cold weight of being forgotten.
With a swift motion, Tommy’s head whipped around to notice Spencer, and something about his energy shifted right then and there. His eyelids slightly dipped, and he seemed to have started biting the inside of his cheek. It was almost like he forgot where he was for a moment as his eyes locked onto Spencer, the world seemingly slowing down for just a beat before he picked up where he left off. With only a few words to his group, Tommy started toward Spencer. The mustached man grinned, his dimples on full display, and Spencer couldn’t help but mimic the expression. Tommy motioned for Spencer to get up, and as he obeyed, he was pulled into a tight, long hug. “How are you, hun?” Tommy asked, his hands still resting on Spencer’s shoulders. With a flushed face and being trapped in a trance, Spencer replied, “I’m.. I’m fine, you?” Tommy’s grin cracked, his eyebrows upturning at the words. He just blinked, chewing on his cheek yet again before starting back up, “You don’t sound it.” He implied. Spencer’s eyes narrowed at the sentence as Tommy’s hands dragged down Spencer’s arms to hold his hands. A nervous lump formed in Spencer’s throat; he was in disbelief at what he’d just said. Did he really challenge Tommy this way? I mean, going at such an emotionally intelligent person, he had to be insane!
Drawing in a deep breath through his nose and shoving it out the same way, Tommy began, “Follow me.” Spencer obeyed yet again, letting his left hand drop as Tommy led him throughout the company building. The cold lighting washed over the two as they practically flew through rooms until they reached an empty one. Tommy was the one to drop Spencer’s other hand as he shut the door behind himself, drawing in another deep breath but this time, letting it fall through his mouth. The silence was loud, and the expression on Tommy’s face was louder. He was internally begging Spencer to speak; without missing a beat, he accepted this silent offer, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lied.” Tommy nodded, taking the information in. Spencer continued, “It just felt like you ignored me when you came in. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t want to interrupt you guys. I.. I know it’s childish to ignore these things, but it was all I knew to do. If I had time to get you like this, I would’ve-” Spencer was abruptly cut off as he was pulled into a kiss by the latter. Upon closing his eyes, he only now noticed how tears welled in the corners of his eyes at his apologetic ramble.
Tommy pulled away and looked at him, a hint of pity gracing his expression. “You’re okay, it’s okay. It really isn’t that big of a deal.” Spencer’s shoulders slowly sank to a calmer position, and his eyes fluttered just a little. “I just didn’t see you, okay? I was excited to see everyone after the weekend, that’s all.” Tommy clarified with a soft tone and even softer hands rubbing at Spencer’s shoulders as he sighed in partial relief and disappointment in himself. Tommy continued, “It really isn’t that big of a deal...” before being able to finish, Spencer interveined, “It is to me.” Tommy’s gaze shifted from the left of Spencer to directly into his eyes. “Why?” Genuine confusion dripped within Tommy’s tone. “Because I love you, I think I have since we started...” Spencer paused, pursing his lips in thought. “Whatever this is, you know what I mean! I’m in love with you, and I think love deserves labels.” Hearing this confession, Tommy froze. For the first time in a long time, he lacked the upper hand. He was speechless; it felt as if he had been gutted of all knowledge of how to communicate and be a person from the inside. Tommy looked it too, being painted ghost white and his hands stiffening on Spencer’s shoulders, in a similar fashion to rigor mortis.
Spencer’s eyes seemed to have only grown from there, the already round and big hazel planets that resided within his eye sockets doubled with every second Tommy didn’t answer. He looked panicked, and in reality, he was. Spencer’s mind flew with scenarios of what could’ve been if he hadn’t said that, what he could’ve had with the man before him if he had just kept his big mouth shut. After what felt like an eternity, Tommy began, “I love you too.” His facial expression laced with caution, Tommy finally told the truth. “I’m just scared of having anything more than a fling.” He gulped, not having been vulnerable like this in the longest time. “It was never a fling, I don’t know if you noticed, we practically live together, man.” Spencer breathed out a small laugh at the end, trying desperately to lighten the all too serious mood. Tommy followed suit, gasping an awkward chuckle at the words spoken to him despite replaying the ‘I love you’ from only about a minute ago on loop. Nodding, Tommy spoke, “I know it hasn’t been a fling, I just like to call it that.” He smiled at the man below him, who happened to be sporting a small, closed-mouth smile back.
“I don’t want a fling, Tommy.” Spencer moved in, his voice quieting just enough for Tommy to notice. “I want us... I want us to be serious.” Spencer gulped, not being used to being the one to ignite conversations like these. Wordlessly, Tommy closed the already tiny gap between the two, slotting their lips in an all-too-sweet kiss. Spencer allowed his hands to be free from their awkward spot at his sides, snaking their way onto either side of Tommy’s hips. Biting at Spencer’s bottom lip, Tommy cradled the back of Spencer’s skull with one hand and cupped his nape with the other. The pair seemed to have noticed the heat growing within the interaction as Tommy slowly pulled away, leaving Spencer to look up at him with glossy eyes and parted lips. Tommy internally gushed at the sight; he knew it’d never get old. “I want us to be serious too, just with one condition...” Spencer’s lips closed as he began to bite at his bottom one. His eye contact never faltered; he continued to stare up at Tommy with an expectant look. Tommy’s mind wandered; he couldn’t focus on the sappy, emotional conversation happening when his stomach was actively being twisted by the mess he made of Spencer with a simple kiss. “I want you to ask me to be your boyfriend, ask all sweet for me, Spencer.” Tommy shocked himself with the sexual undertones of his own sentence; however, he didn’t let it mess with his head too much. Spencer looked like he had just bit back a noise; Tommy grinned proudly at it. “Please, Tommy...” Tommy waited for the next words to leave the soft lips he’d just felt on his own, Spencer’s voice noticeably in a lower register than it had been prior. “Please, will you be my boyfriend?” Upon instinct, Spencer, almost desperately, tried to get impossibly closer to Tommy. “Of course I will, sweetheart,” Tommy replied with a full-on smile now, sealing the deal with another kiss that was meant to be sweet that had turned into something far more heated. A hand that held its ground on Tommy's waist soon found its way up to his chest, fisting at his sweater.
The men broke the kiss mutually, as if they had telepathically communicated to each other that they were ready. Breathlessly, Tommy began adjusting his clothing and hair so as not to look a mess before doing the same for his newly pronounced boyfriend. Spencer grinned as he looked at Tommy with an expression that could only be achieved with hypnotization. “You all good?” Tommy questioned Spencer, who only nodded in response. “Then let’s get out of here before we end up fucking at work.” That earned a giggle from Spencer, “Just pretend I popped the question somewhere super romantic or... something...” Spencer’s sentence earned a similar laugh from Tommy before the pair exited the room, having aired out their dirty laundry and almost accidentally creating new, literal dirty laundry.