Chapter Text
Later, people would wonder why this was the life-or-death peril situation that booted him up. Buck would wonder that, too. Why couldn’t this happen back before the truck landed on his leg? During the tsunami would have been a great help. After the lightning strike made sense. Hell, the cruise ship disaster would have also been a moment dangerous enough for something to change.
But no, it had never happened then. Nothing to even ping the sensors of anyone. Until a very fateful day.
Buck had always had a strangely accurate gut feeling, and he wished he’d listened to it that day. He’d felt weird all day, from the moment he got up. And while, yeah, he wasn’t feeling that great at the moment anyway – hadn’t for months, wonder why that was – this had been different.
Like the cold feeling of dread crawling over his shoulders, like that shadow in the Nosferatu movie Tommy had made him watch. It wouldn’t leave him, no matter what. Not even a hot shower was enough to chase that freezing cold off of his skin that made his hair stand on end.
He was nervous at work, at least at the beginning. It didn’t ease, his worry gnawing on his insides, but he kept it to himself. Perhaps he shouldn’t have. But he also knew that telling the others might have made them nervous in turn, and that could have led to mistakes.
In the end, it wasn’t like it mattered. Buck was pretty sure they would have always ended up here. He would have always ended up here, on the outside of a research lab with his team trapped inside with a deadly virus. They wouldn’t let him in, and they wouldn’t let the others out.
Athena got involved, but there was nothing she could do. The only dose of the antiviral was gone together with its creator and the instigator of the whole mess.
As if that wasn’t already bad enough, Buck noticed something. Not immediately, but after it had become clear that Chimney had gotten infected and his state was rapidly worsening, there was a moment of communication where Buck could hear Bobby’s voice, and something happened.
He couldn’t quite make sense of what exactly happened then. It was as if something snapped into place, like another lightning strike, like something cracking down his spine. A shift in the air, like a pop. And suddenly, he was able to hear it, hear Bobby’s voice waver, hear the roughness of his breath, just like Chimney’s.
“It’s both of you,” he said, and he knew he was right.
It started a race against the clock for Buck and Athena. Buck still wasn’t sure what had happened at that point, but Athena immediately believed him and dragged him along to find the woman responsible for the whole disaster. Athena took the lead, but every now and then, she would make Buck focus on something, asked him to find something, and he did, every time, without fail. His skin felt like it was buzzing, like he was permanently covered in goose bumps.
Athena wasn’t a Sentinel, which was why she was so badass and cool and Buck looked up to her so much. She worked in a field filled to the brim with people with heightened senses, and she held her own, moving up the ladder in favor of those others by her own merits. She knew what she was doing, and so, Buck followed her every word.
He left her to it with Moira. They needed an answer on how to help both Bobby and Chimney. He knew she would be able to get it out of her, Athena was the only one who could. Buck, instead, checked the perimeter.
He heard the cars before they pulled into the spot in front of the building and was already up the stairs before they could round the corner. Where his long legs would normally impair his fast movement, turning a run into a mad scramble, now his steps were sure, easy. His body wasn’t holding him back, working in tandem with his senses.
As he ran, he ripped his phone out of his pocket, making the call, his steps never faltering. In his head, he was begging desperately for the call to get picked up, in his chest, his heart was beating steady, pumping blood into his brain and lungs and extremities.
“H-hello?” came the hesitant voice on the other side of the line.
Buck would have loved to stop, take that voice in, collapse on the floor. But things were bad, and he would have to wait for later.
“I-I’m sorry, but something happened, I need your help.” Buck’s words left him in a rush, like his mouth was working overtime like the rest of him.
“What do you need?” And that was that.
Buck barely stopped long enough to tell Athena they couldn’t go back downstairs, and had to force himself to slow down a little so Athena and her prisoner could keep up. He felt as if the world around him had slowed down, and no matter what he did, he was too fast to meet its motion again.
On the roof, the winds tore at Buck’s hair, but the rest of him hardly felt it. He did flinch when he heard the sound of rotor blades, even though Tommy’s helicopter was too far away to hit him like that. He heard Athena’s voice loud and clear through the noise, and Tommy’s when he warned them that the army was about to engage with them.
The helmet helped keep the deafening sounds of the rotors out, but not by much. His heartbeat was still steady, steadier than he felt was warranted for the situation. He could hear Tommy’s in the cabin of the helicopter over the sound of everything else. It was slightly elevated, but Buck knew that Tommy was unusually calm whenever he was up in the air.
For a moment, he could hear Tommy’s pulse change when Buck thanked him, and when he couldn’t help showing his pain at Tommy almost dismissing him. And then, Tommy opened up to him again, his voice gentler than it was before.
The moment didn’t last. The army came, and Tommy started the wild goose chase.
Buck felt queasy, and not just because Tommy flew like a madman at speeds that Buck had never witnessed. The hurricane was almost nothing on this – but back then, Tommy hadn’t had the luxury to fly fast considering he was fighting the winds themselves. But despite the sudden changes in direction and Tommy cranking up the speed because of the army helicopter following them, Buck’s stomach felt like it was about to eat itself more because of nerves. The noise was getting almost too much. He would have loved to cover his ears with his hands, but the helmet was in the way.
God, how could two choppers make that much noise? Buck had never had this problem before. The beat of rotor blades took over almost everything else. Buck tried to count something, his breaths, or the beats, or- those weren’t just from two choppers.
“Tommy, there’s another one, coming from that side!” Buck called out, feeling like suddenly, everything had snapped back into place. The contrast between light and dark was sharper, and Buck could see silhouettes better of high rises and the other helicopter. The sound of rotors bled into the background, only coming back when Buck focused on them.
He pointed in the direction he could hear the new chopper in, and Tommy followed his warning, moving up and above it before it could block their path.
“Well done, Evan,” Tommy praised him. He pursed his lips as if considering something. “Think you can do that again?”
Buck wasn’t sure what Tommy meant, but he’d do anything to help him. They needed more time, Athena needed the time to get to the lab and get help from Moira’s former colleagues. There was a way to essentially “stretch” the antiviral. It wouldn’t be as potent, but it would help Bobby’s and Chimney’s bodies hold their own against the virus until they could get a second dose.
And so, Buck listened, called out the direction the other choppers were coming from. They tried several times to get them from both sides, but Tommy was an incredible pilot with a bone to pick with the army, and Buck could warn him ahead of time.
They couldn’t have been in the air for that long, but Buck started to feel himself slipping. Sweat stood on his forehead, and his eyes burned. His throat was dry, his teeth hurt from how hard he’d clenched his jaw, and his ears were ringing from all the sounds around him.
“T-tom-my,” he stammered. “I don’t- I think I-” He felt like he was going to throw up.
“Focus, Evan, focus,” Tommy said, voice firm but gentle, and it was as if Buck’s throat suddenly opened and let him take in more air. “Just a bit longer, okay? I just need to know which side, you can hear them, which side are they coming from?”
And so, Buck took deep breaths and concentrated on Tommy’s voice. Focus. Which side. He listened. He told Tommy where they were coming from, and Tommy took them up and down and faster, and Buck held on as tightly as he could – both onto his seat and onto his control.
Of course, they couldn’t keep going forever. But they had kept the army engaged for way longer than Buck and Tommy had expected at first, and when Tommy called an end, Buck felt like in any other situation, this whole thing would have probably been over in minutes.
“How far are we from the lab?” he asked.
“Far,” Tommy retorted.
The only question was whether it was far enough to be useful for Athena and Karen. Buck wasn’t very religious, but he might have to start praying anyway. Tommy guided the chopper down towards the colosseum, landing with the army in hot pursuit.
“Okay, listen,” Tommy said as they waited for the army and FBI to approach. “I know it’s hard, but it’s not over yet. Keep your focus. Hold on tight, you’ve got this.”
Buck didn’t quite know what he was talking about, but it was as if something inside him was tuned in to Tommy’s words. So, he listened. He kept his focus. He had this. So, when the order to step out came, Buck didn’t collapse like he wanted to. He climbed out, hands raised, and helped Moira out. He gave a helpless shrug with a poorly hidden smirk when the two men heading the army and the FBI asked him where Athena was. Hell if he knew. But hopefully on the way to save Bobby and Chimney.
They didn’t get put in handcuffs but only because for some reason, they didn’t have any on them. And seriously, what kind of FBI agent was this? They got grabbed by the arms and held that way, and brought back to the lab with the rest.
Buck counted his breaths on the way back. Whenever he felt like he was slipping, like his eyes saw and his ears heard too much, he looked at Tommy, remembering what he had told him. Focus. There was nothing else for him to do.
Things happened fast after that. They were held in one of the tents together with Moira while the bigwigs got suited up to go after Athena who had since disappeared into the lab. Buck watched anxiously on the screens in front of him, hoping that it would be enough and Moira hadn’t just condemned Chim and Bobby to a horrendous death by this awful virus.
They had bought Athena enough time. She had been able to get the stretched version, and bring it safely to Buck’s trapped team. And when she returned to them, followed closely by people berating her for “wasting the antidote”, they could watch as both Bobby and Chimney’s vitals steadied. Buck could hear it, their voices losing some of the roughness. It wasn’t all done yet, they would have to stay quarantined until Moira could create new doses – something she proclaimed wouldn’t take her too long.
Arguments followed, but the old plan of simply letting Buck’s team die to deal with the virus was out. The public had taken notice of the helicopter chase, and Buck had one of the most cutthroat reporters on speed-dial. They had no choice but to build a quarantine tent and deal with the survivors.
Buck wasn’t allowed close to them until they were all in their little plastic showcases, treated with oxygen and whatever other stuff they needed. Moira was arrested, but set to work on the next doses of antiviral. Plus a couple more, just in case. Buck hoped that the army and FBI would be as rigorous about her incarceration as they had been about catching Buck and Tommy in the air.
But those were things that Buck couldn’t worry about. He was waiting for the permission to go check on the others through plastic walls. So was Athena, it seemed. She was shaking, Buck noticed, and when he listened, her heartbeat was elevated, fluttering like a bird. They had almost lost Bobby, and Chim, and if they hadn’t acted when they had, Ravi and Hen could have been infected as well.
Buck didn’t notice he was shaking as well until a warm, large hand, still clad in a black glove, curled around his shoulder. Buck looked over at Tommy. It wasn’t done yet, that thing between them. But that, too, Buck couldn’t follow right now.
Because Tommy leaned close and murmured, “You can relax now, Evan. You did so good, you focused so well, but you can relax.”
And Buck shattered.
His doctor would explain it as letting go of too many things too fast at the same time. Buck remembered feeling like the whole of the world was pressing in on him at once. His head was pounding, and his skin felt like it was covered in tiny pinpricks of pain. His ears rang, his throat was dry, his eyes had trouble focusing and it felt like the dim lights in the tents were the sun itself, shining directly in his face.
He would have collapsed if it hadn’t been for a solid strength next to him, a hand landing on the back of his neck.
“Fuck,” Tommy cursed next to him.
“What’s with him?” someone asked, the words thundering in Buck’s ear.
“He’s a Sentinel,” Tommy replied, still holding onto Buck. “We just figured it out.”
It would explain things if Buck were able to concentrate on anything at all. But then, Tommy spoke to him again, and his voice rang clear as a bell and gentle through the fog wrapping around Buck’s head.
“I’m sorry about that, Evan, I didn’t think it would be this bad, I’m sorry,” Tommy murmured to him, leaning close. “Come on, you can do it. Come back to me.”
Buck managed to focus on the voice, that beloved vocal melody he knew so well. He focused on the gentle pressure of his large hand still lying in the back of Buck’s neck, fingers reaching up into his hair. The muscles of his jaw and shoulders and neck relaxed at the same time and he leaned into Tommy heavier, slowly coming back to himself and his body.
“There you are,” Tommy mumbled with a soft smile when Buck looked up at him.
Tommy’s pupils were enormous, almost eclipsing the beautiful storm-blue of his irises. It was dark in here, but not dark enough to warrant this reaction from his eyes. Buck would follow that thought, but he was exhausted, and all he wanted to do was let himself be held up by Tommy.
Running his hand up and down the back of Buck’s head and neck, Tommy spoke soft praises and encouragement to him. “You did it, you did so well, you’re so good.” Buck could feel his breath on his forehead. “They’re safe, you did it.”
“We did it,” Buck corrected. He couldn’t have done it without Tommy.
“Yeah,” Tommy agreed with a huff of a laugh. “God. You’re a Sentinel.”
“I am?” Buck asked in wonder. He foggily remembered Tommy saying that already, but he couldn’t quite remember.
Tommy’s chest shook with silent laughter. “Yeah, baby, you are.”
The term of endearment ran warm and soothing through Buck’s veins. He leaned his head on Tommy’s shoulder. What he would give for a kiss right now, but he was so tired, and there were better places to do this than next to the quarantine tent of a research lab holding Buck’s team that had gotten exposed to a super virus.
Still, Buck stayed there with his head nestled against Tommy’s throat. It was dark here, and the mild scent of Tommy’s deodorant and sweat was strangely soothing to him. It was easy to focus his senses here and slide along a thin line of just enough.
At one point, he noticed a commotion around him. He didn’t know how long it was that he’d spent here. He felt Tommy’s arms tighten around, every point of pressure where his arm pushed against Buck’s side and back.
“You’ll leave them alone!” came a voice from the side, sharp and powerful. Athena. There was nothing of the tremble, of the fear. She was all business, all authority.
“We have to question them!” A protest from someone else. Someone louder, as Athena had lowered her voice a little. This person didn’t, and their voice thundered in Buck’s ears so loudly that he flinched.
Tommy put a hand in his hair and shushed him gently. “Just relax, Evan,” he murmured. “Breathe, just stay right there. It’s okay.”
“You’ll do no such thing,” Athena spoke now. “Unless you want a newly discovered Sentinel to immediately go feral.”
“He- what?”
“What, you think he’s doing this because it’s fun to stand around in a tent? We would be going home right now, but there’s no way I can move him without him zoning.” Tommy’s voice vibrated in his chest, rumbling through Buck like thunder.
“You’re closer to getting thrown in prison than going home,” the other guy huffed, still too loud. Buck buried his face deeper in Tommy’s throat to escape.
“Pretty sure we talked about that,” Athena threw in, sounding bored. “If you don’t want the biggest scandal on your hands for almost kickstarting a new pandemic, you’ll leave these boys alone.”
There was some grumbling, but the loud man finally disappeared. Even his footsteps were loud, Buck noticed. But now that he was gone, Buck could settle back into Tommy without worrying about anyone else. He felt like he was about to fall asleep.
“Thank you,” Tommy said, voice low.
“You said he’s a Sentinel?” Athena asked in return.
She was talking about Buck. Buck didn’t want to tune into the conversation. He wanted to stay here, like this, until the end of time.
“Yeah. He heard the second army chopper when we were in the air. Bought us a lot of time.” Tommy’s hand ran up and down Buck’s back with gentle pressure, careful as if he was testing it out. When Buck didn’t flinch or otherwise move, he kept going.
“That explains a couple of things,” Athena said contemplatively. “But that also means he’s going to have to get tested soon.”
“Yeah, but not today. I just barely kept him from zoning. I don’t know what grading he’ll get, but he’s strong, he’s got to be. He’ll need a strong Guide.” Tommy’s hand squeezed the back of Buck’s neck gently. “But after the day we’ve had, I think what he needs first is a good night’s sleep.”
Athena let out a breath. “I think we all do,” she said. “You take care of him now.”
“I will,” Tommy said like it was an oath.
With gentle, coaxing touches, Tommy managed to get Buck to leave his dark, nice little place. Buck complained, but Tommy promised him he could relax again soon, all they needed was to get home. They were free to go, it seemed. Buck was confused. He could not remember any discussions about this at all, but Tommy said it had taken a while and a couple of definitely-not-threats to get there.
Had Buck lost that much time, nestled close to Tommy?
“You’re dropping in and out of zones,” Tommy explained when Buck asked him, sounding deeply worried. “We need to get you somewhere quiet and dark and familiar. You’ll feel better.”
Tommy seemed to know a lot about this sort of thing. Buck would ask him, but his thoughts were like water, slipping away from him quickly. Perhaps he had lost all of that time. He had heard about Sentinels losing days during zones to the point they had to be hospitalized, but those had been high grade ones.
He didn’t know how zones felt like. He was still wrapping his head around being a Sentinel. He was half-aware of Tommy guiding him, one step after the other. He heard a new voice soon – Karen, he realized. She spoke with Athena, lowering her voice immediately when Buck flinched at her volume. She couldn’t have been talking loudly, but it hit him anyway as if she’d been screaming.
They wouldn’t be able to take anyone home today. Chim and Bobby would have to wait for the treatment, and Hen and Ravi had to go to the hospital, at least for observation, once they were cleared from quarantine. So, it was just Buck and Tommy with Athena and Karen. They piled into Karen’s car together, Tommy in the back with Buck, still holding onto him.
Buck used that hold to ground himself, trying to focus on the weight of Tommy’s hand, the warmth of him, the solid strength of him. But Buck could feel himself slipping away. Things around him became too much, like the world was pressing in on him. The roar of the engine of the car, a consistent thrum. The sound of the tires running over asphalt, of this car and all the others. The bright lights surrounding them, flashing by. He felt like he was getting pulled in too many directions at once.
Just a little bit longer, he told himself. Soon, they’d be home. He’d be safe, he could calm down then. They could make everything dark and quiet.
He disappeared between that thought and the car stopping. That’s what it felt like, like he stopped existing for that time. He came back to himself, startled at the sudden change in scenery. Karen had parked in front of his house. Buck couldn’t remember them getting here.
Gently, carefully, Tommy brushed a hand over the back of his neck. Buck felt like he was going cross-eyed as he tried to shift focus back into the world around him. Then, he found Tommy, and the strange, burning pull on his eyes subsided.
“Come on,” Tommy said encouragingly, using his gentle grip on Buck to guide him out of the car. “Let’s get you inside. You have your keys?”
Buck’s arms felt like they weighed tons when he finally got them moving to dig in his pocket for his keys. His fingers rubbed against the edged side, and Buck hissed. He grabbed the key and handed it to Tommy, rubbing his fingers together to make the feel of the rough edges disappear.
He followed Tommy into the house, still feeling pinpricks on the pad of his thumb. Inside, his nose got assaulted by a myriad of smells. The scent of his leather couch, of the drywall, of whatever was lingering in the kitchen from his latest baking spree. If he concentrated, he could still find Tommy’s scent close to the wall he’d pushed him into, wondering if he could find it in his bedroom now. He remembered the pillow Tommy had slept on losing the traces of his scent, and how pathetic he’d felt at his sadness over it.
But then, Tommy stepped back into his space, and he didn’t have to try to look for his presence. They hadn’t turned the lights on, but Buck could still see Tommy’s facial expression as clear as day. His brows were furrowed in concern, the corners of his mouth turned down.
“You’re shaking,” he said.
Buck looked down at his own body, at his hands. And sure enough, his fingers were trembling, and he felt a shiver running through his arms and legs and up his spine. Goosebumps broke out over his skin. There was an itch he couldn’t quite pinpoint, like he was able to feel every single fiber of his shirt. He started scratching at his sleeves, pulling, digging his fingers in, like he was about to rip them off.
Before he could do so, however, Tommy’s hands wrapped around his and he pulled him close. Their eyes met, and Buck’s mouth opened with a gasp. His eyes focused on Tommy, he took in his scent, his hands felt nothing but Tommy’s skin.
“What can you hear?” Tommy asked.
“Your heartbeat,” came Buck’s reply immediately before he even noticed he was listening. But once he’d said it, he realized that he was hearing its steady thrum, a gentle and familiar rhythm that slowly pulled Buck in, making him time his breaths to it. Three beats in, three beats out. Over and over.
Almost all of his senses were filled with Tommy. His mouth was still open, and Buck flicked his tongue out for only a moment, only to wet his bottom lip, and he could taste Tommy on the tip of his tongue, his sweat and everything Buck remembered about him.
It was all Tommy. Everything was Tommy. And Buck felt like he could finally breathe.
“There you go,” Tommy murmured with a smile. “You’re doing so good, Evan.”
Carefully, Tommy let go with one hand, raising it so it could curl around Buck’s neck, his fingers wrapping around. His thumb rested in the hollow of Buck’s throat right under his larynx, and he swallowed heavily. Tommy’s fingers brushed against the hair in the back of his neck, rubbing against the roots, and oh, that felt nicer than Buck had anticipated.
“You should get to bed,” Tommy suggested. “You had an eventful day. Time for you to sleep, rest. You need it.”
That did sound nice. Buck felt like he could fall asleep standing up. But he had things to do, he was sure. They hadn’t eaten all day, Tommy was probably hungry, right? Buck couldn’t feel it, too busy feeling everything else. But surely. And he had to figure out things with the station – Bobby and Chim were still infected, Hen and Ravi were in the hospital, and if Buck was truly a Sentinel, he’d be put on leave until he was tested. And then- their families. Athena and Karen had said something about letting Maddie know, but it should be Buck, right? And what about Ravi’s parents? And- and Eddie?
“Someone has to- I-I have to call Ravi’s family- and-and Eddie, someone- he needs to-” Buck’s words were faster than his mouth could keep up with.
“He’s probably asleep,” Tommy threw in. “Which is something you should also be doing. We can call him in the morning. And Ravi is mostly fine, he’s only in the hospital for observation. He can call whoever he needs to.”
Tommy made it sound so easy. And Buck really wanted to sleep. His eyes hurt, and his nose and his ears and skin and the inside of his mouth. His jaw felt tense, a pressure in the joint like he’s clenched it the whole day. He might have.
It took Tommy a little more convincing to get Buck to follow him, mostly because Buck was busy listening to the sound of his voice and not his words. Finally, Buck followed him to the bathroom. Tommy bullied him out of his clothes and to the shower, but they soon realized that Buck could not be left to his own devices.
He stuck his hand under the spray of the shower head to check the water temperature, and promptly lost himself in the tiny pinpricks of water droplets on his skin. And so, Tommy got undressed and into the shower with him. It was still a near thing, Buck sliding along the edge of dropping off again, but the proximity to Tommy gave him something to focus on enough that he could keep himself together.
Getting dry was another hurdle. Buck felt like he was freezing once he stepped out of the shower, skin still covered in water. The towel he used to dry himself felt it was made of sandpaper, scratching him all over. No matter how much he wiped at the back of his neck, his hair continued dripping water down his spine, and he felt like he was about to go insane over it.
Then came brushing his teeth, and the feeling of toothpaste clinging to the inside of his mouth and surface of his tongue, no matter how many times he rinsed his mouth. And once that was done and he felt half-okay again, he got dressed, and the last residue of moisture on his skin seeped into the fabric, sticking to him. Everything felt like it was too much. It felt like no matter what, he would be pulled too far into a direction and he had no idea how to get out of that.
Tommy helped. He was the only thing that seemed to help. He held Buck that night, one hand heavy in the back of his neck, and Buck felt like Tommy was physically keeping his senses locked down. The whole night, Tommy did not stray from his side, and Buck slept, dreamless and deep, as soon as he’d settled into Tommy’s arms.
It was the last bit of restful sleep he would have for a while.
-----------------------------------------
From there on out, a couple of things happened.
Buck woke up still wrapped up in Tommy, and with a killer headache. Tommy made him drink a glass of water and take a couple of pills, and then put him to sleep again while he had a call with the department about Buck’s testing leave. That, and he had a talk with the Chief and his captain.
It was only once Tommy returned to the bedroom that Buck felt like he could rest, but sleep would not find him. Tommy brushed a gentle hand down his side, almost too much already, and told him to simply rest his eyes. It wasn’t until Tommy’s hand was again in the back of Buck’s neck that he could actually calm down.
When he resurfaced, it was a couple of hours later, and Buck felt way better than he had when he’d woken up the first time.
He felt well enough that they could get up. Still, they had to pull all of the curtains, and Tommy dug out Buck’s sunglasses to wear inside.
Tommy got Buck to eat something, but it ended up being plain oatmeal and toast when they realized that anything with too much flavor would send Buck spiraling. They tried some fruit first, but its sweetness and tanginess exploded across Buck’s tongue, making it feel like it was covered in fur.
Once he’d gotten his breakfast consisting of wet cardboard down, and Tommy had joined him in that misery so he wouldn’t aggravate Buck’s sense of smell, they got Buck dressed in clothes that were not too stifling. And once that was done, Tommy put Buck on his couch and sat with him, a gentle hand in the back of his neck to keep him grounded while he called the Sentinel Registration Office.
Buck didn’t know exactly what to do or what to expect. He had heard of Sentinels that were discovered later in life. He’d just never thought it would be him. He’d tested neutral as a child, just like Maddie, and never thought it would change. He relayed this to the person on the other side of the phone, along with the fact that sure, he’d had sharper instincts than some people, especially once he found his place as a firefighter, and he excelled in extremely stressful situations, but none of that had stood out as the mark of a Sentinel.
The official agreed with that and told Buck that there were people who had some heightened senses, but not enough to hit the marks. Not all of them turned out to be Sentinels later. They agreed on a time and date – next Monday – for Buck to come to his local SRO and get tested.
After that, Buck decided to research a little. Or, well, Tommy had to do the research. Buck couldn’t look at the computer screen for too long before his sight turned blurry. But Tommy dutifully browsed the websites and blogs and relayed whatever information he found for Buck.
The reason why Sentinels sometimes came online later was because they essentially grew into it. The body had to make space for senses like the Sentinels had them, and the more senses they had heightened, the more space was needed. The spinal cord was thicker, and so was the spine. The brain seemed to be built differently to decipher everything the body took in without causing a stroke or similar. The hormonal balance was different, and so was muscle and nerval reaction. Organs reacted differently, as did vasoconstriction and vasodilation. Apparently, the bone structure was different, too. A fully open Sentinel did not only have enhanced senses, but often times also enhanced speed and strength, so the rest of the body had to be able to hold out. Still, despite people having the theory that late-blooming Sentinels should have a higher grading, only a tiny percentage of them boasted grades higher than 3.
“What do you think will be my test result?” Buck asked once Tommy had finally called an end to the search-spiral, pulling Buck down to lounge with him on the couch so he could rest.
Tommy huffed. “Fishing, are we?” he asked.
Buck furrowed his brow. “No? I just wanna know what you think.”
Tommy laughed softly again. “Sweetheart, how many of your senses were going haywire last night?”
Opening his mouth to answer, Buck halted to think. He frowned, trying to remember last night. Things were foggy in his mind, but he did remember a couple of things. Pain, and fear, of course, but the way the world had pressed in on him from all angles.
“If you don’t turn out to be a grade five, their testing needs to be checked.”
“Grade five,” Buck repeated in awe.
It sounded fake. Buck didn’t even know anyone who was grade five. He’d been the only Neutral in the 118 team until now, and they ranged in the lower grades with only Hen going up to three. They didn’t have anyone above that in the firehouse, and even outside it on calls or in his private life, Buck hadn’t even met a grade four, not to mention a grade five.
“We’ll figure it out,” Tommy promised. “You’ll need a proper Guide, a strong one. I’ll help you.”
Which segued them into a talk that was long overdue. They tried to make sense of what had happened, of what they had wanted and hadn’t wanted to happen, to say, to do. They had spoken out of turn with each other, too caught up in the feeling in Buck’s case, too afraid of the day it would end in Tommy’s case. But they had found their way back to each other once more, something that would probably never change.
And so, in the course of a morning after sharing the saddest breakfast Buck had had in a long time, they found their ways back into each other’s arms. Finally. Buck had waited so long for this to happen, and he mentally kicked himself for not trying to get back with Tommy sooner. All the moments of worry and fear of rejection because he had hurt Tommy too much this time were unfounded. Of course, there had been the moment in the helicopter before the chase began, when Tommy had seemingly started to shut Buck down. But despite everything, Tommy couldn’t stay mad at him, he’d said, and had rectified the pain in Buck’s chest at his words immediately. It had given Buck hope, and now, he could finally see that his hope wasn’t unfounded.
They shared a kiss once they got past it all and came out the other side knowing that both of them wanted a second chance – third chance, fourth chance, who was counting. It was a short and sweet and chaste thing, reminding Buck of that first kiss they’d shared in his old kitchen, and he felt settled for the first time in months.
After they parted, they stayed close on the couch together. Tommy’s hand found its place in the back of Buck’s neck once more, and his fingers ran idly through the short hairs at the back of his neck. It felt like electricity, but in a pleasant way, a gentle buzz against his skin.
“How do you know so much about Sentinels?” Buck asked, nestling his head further into Tommy’s grip. His fingers tightened a little bit, pressing against the edges of Buck’s vertebrae.
“There were a lot of them in the army,” Tommy told him. “Even more in the pilots program. Harbor’s also full of them. And Guides were scarce. A grade one, grade two Sentinel can easily deal without a Guide, even grade threes don’t necessarily need one. But we had fours and fives there. And only a few of them were bonded. So, every Neutral and ever low-grade Sentinel was taught a couple of things, how to deal with a spike or a zone. And the back of the neck is- I don’t really know how it works, but it calms Sentinels down. Even without an electric shock.”
“Electric shock?” Buck asked. He remembered Hen going into a zone once or twice, but she’d never needed to get shocked out of it.
“To put an end to their overreacting nerves, pull them back from it,” Tommy explained. “It’s why police use shock batons and tasers against feral Sentinels, not firearms. Guides grow these organs in their lower arms, like an electric eel, I think. It allows them to discharge a shock when they touch a Sentinel.”
Buck wondered if every Guide had that. He wondered if Bobby had that, too.
“How come they don’t accidentally shock someone?” Buck itched to read up on this new information on the internet, but he knew his eyes would not thank him.
“Most Guides are found at a young age,” Tommy explained, patient as ever. “And they learn how to control these things, as well as their,” he waved his hand in front of his face, “perception.”
Buck realized he knew less about Guides and Sentinels than he’d thought. Everything from Tommy was a new revelation. It must have shown on his face, since Tommy continued.
“My CO told us that Guides are uniquely in tune with Sentinels. They can feel them close by, they notice their zones and their senses. He taught us how to notice on our own, without that.”
So, essentially, Tommy would be a substitution Guide until Buck could find a proper one. Something he dreaded. He didn’t know much about being a Sentinel, but he understood that the relationship between a bonded Guide and Sentinel was intimate, full of trust and understanding. Buck wasn’t sure he was willing to crack himself open again, not after he’d done so already for Tommy. He didn’t feel like he could learn to trust someone else the same way.
The day that Buck went in for testing, he was a nervous wreck. He already woke up feeling jittery, and it did not get better over the rest of the day. He had another bland breakfast, just like the days before, and the shower proved to be a challenge.
He zoned when he checked the temperature of the water, and needed Tommy to help him. But he also felt, for the first time, overwhelmed with everything Tommy. It had been a comfort the whole time and it still was, but in in the humid air of the shower, having so much glistening wet, naked skin in front of him and Tommy’s scent so close, Buck felt like he was going insane.
His nerves sent him into zones and spikes over and over. He wished he could just close his eyes and ignore it all. But things had to keep moving and if he ever wanted to learn how to deal with it all, he needed a classification first. And so, he followed Tommy, trying to remember how to breathe and how Tommy’s hand felt in the back of his neck. He wondered if a Guide’s hand would feel better. He couldn’t imagine it.
There were Guides present at the office, but from what Buck could gather, they weren’t that high grade. They saw Buck and Tommy enter, and Tommy did the talking because everything was again becoming too overwhelming for Buck. He told them why they were there, but when the Guides suggested leaving Buck with them, Buck got nervous, clinging harder to Tommy’s jacket. He couldn’t do this without Tommy.
And so, they let Tommy come with him. First were the scans of Buck’s bone structure, nerval structure, and his brain. After that, he was back by Tommy’s side, holding onto his hand until they reached the next testing room. He had to wait outside since they wanted Buck isolated to give the best possible performance of his senses. Before the doors closed between them, Tommy pressed his fingers in against the sides of the top of Buck’s spine to ground him.
“Focus,” he told Buck. “One sense at a time. Go slow. Remember to breathe.”
Buck nodded, pressing back against the pressure of Tommy’s hand. For a moment, they stayed there, Tommy’s fingers strong and unyielding, but then, they had to separate, and the door closed between them.
Focus, Buck repeated in his mind. One sense at a time. Go slow. Remember to breathe.
It became a mantra, something to hold onto while he went in for testing. He was completely alone in the room, the people doing the tests outside with Tommy. They would watch him, and there were cameras and computers to take in everything that Buck did. He was also connected to a small machine via wires that was supposed to read the electric signals that Buck’s nerves sent through his body.
They went through all the senses, going from most common to rarest. Sight was the first. They tested how far he could see, how small it was, how his pupils reacted, how he could see in a dark room, and what would happen if he had to focus on one specific point. Buck did what they asked, remembering Tommy’s words all the while. He remembered to breathe. His focused on his eyes so that his other senses moved to the background. He breathed. He took his time.
Next was taste. It was a pretty straight forward sense to test and went by faster than sight. They let Buck try a couple of food items with more or less subtle ingredients. They also tested whether or not he could taste something in the air, which he did.
Then came hearing. That one was uncomfortable. They tested the distance. How quiet a sound could be. How loud it could be before Buck winced. And then, they tested the frequency, and that actually got painful. If he tried and focused, he could hear the high and low frequency tones, but they hurt his ears when he focused on them for too long.
After that, he got a break. He drank something, and they put one of the Guides in the room with him – a grade three – to help him reset his senses, but the young woman’s presence did nothing to ease Buck’s jitters. She offered to deliver a shock, but Buck really didn’t want that, so he refused much to her surprise. Only once Tommy entered and held Buck by his head did he calm down.
Buck assumed this had been part of the test as well. A grade three Guide wasn’t enough.
They continued afterwards with scent. Considering how close the sense of taste and smell were, Buck had assumed that they would have a similar rarity, but as it turned out, much fewer people had a heightened sense of smell. They had him sniff different testers, figure out scent mixtures, and tested the distance and acuity of his sense.
And finally came the rarest sense – touch. Considering the skin was already extremely sensitive, Sentinels were lucky that touch was the rarest one. It was also the one that caused the most spikes and zones. They had Buck count the fibers in a piece of clothing. They had him touch different things blindfolded and figure them out by his hands alone. They tested how much pressure was needed for him to feel something.
Once those five segments were done, there was a last part where they tested his reflexes, his reaction, his muscle strength and speed, as well as instinctual thinking and problem solving skills.
At the end of it all, Buck was exhausted and wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. He was hungry and tired, and everything hurt. It got better when Tommy appeared at his side. Buck leaned into him, buried his face in his throat, and ignored everything else that happened around him. He denied the offer for another Guide to come by and help him. They didn’t have a high grade one on hand – nobody really did, they’d have to call them in – and he didn’t want to wait. Tommy was enough. More than enough.
They went home after the fact. They would have to evaluate the results, and Buck would get them sent to his home. Once he was ranked, he would get a call depending on whether it was necessary for him to get a Guide or not. If he was four or five, he was automatically counted as a person in need of a Guide. If he was three or lower, he would need to go back in for further testing to figure out whether he needed a permanent or temporary Guide, or none at all. Both Buck and Tommy knew that they could dismiss the second part. There was no chance that Buck was a three or lower after what he’d displayed in the testing.
They went back home to Buck’s. Tommy had rarely been from his side. He’d been suspended from work for a bit after the lab debacle, but it was a slap on the wrist, not a true punishment. Tommy would be back at work with no repercussion, back as a pilot. The only thing Tommy said was that if he ever stole government property again, that would be it, so they needed to find a different pilot.
They traded spots between their places – Buck’s house so he could calm down, and Tommy’s house because he needed to check in on his cat Odin.
Odin took surprisingly well to Buck. He’d mostly ignored him back when he and Tommy had been dating the first time, but now, he came closer and even let Buck touch him. He even laid down in his lap and purred. Tommy explained that cats were very empathetic and Odin probably noticed Buck’s distress. Buck wondered if animals had the stuff to become Guides too, and was dying to read up on it.
He would have to wait a bit for that, though. He’d have to figure out what to do with his space. He didn’t have a guest room, not yet, and Eddie would soon be back in LA. It had been Athena who called Eddie, not Buck, to relay the info to him, and Eddie said he’d catch the next flight he could. After that, he called Buck to ask whether he could crash with him, and honestly, nothing sounded worse.
He was overjoyed that Eddie would be back. He hadn’t thought he’d see him again so soon. But he also didn’t feel like he could stand another person close by. His house was the only place he felt halfway okay. Well, and Tommy’s place, but he also felt okay in Tommy’s truck, so it was probably connected to the man himself.
Tommy had offered to stay over with Buck when Eddie came – for one night, at least, to see whether Buck could stand having another person in his space.
They still had to set up the couch, however, and do some grocery shopping. Buck was sure Eddie wouldn’t appreciate plain oatmeal and toast. Tommy warned him that the smell might be overwhelming for him, but Buck had the hope that if he could deal with the smell, he’d be able to deal with the taste as well. He missed eating food that didn’t taste like drywall.
Tommy started making Buck fill out forms for when he got his grading. For his work – both Bobby and the Fire Chief would need to be notified. The SRO would relay the info to the department of unbonded Guides once it was determined whether he needed a Guide, and they in turn would be getting in touch with Buck soon after. But there was paperwork to be done. Buck needed to let the department know of his classification and grading, and whether he needed a Guide, and then who his Guide was. It wouldn’t be easy, Tommy explained to him, but in certain circumstances – like a high grade Sentinel – a Guide would get training and become part of the team, or would have to gain specific permission to come along on calls.
Buck felt a little overwhelmed by how wholly unprepared he’d been for this thing. If it hadn’t been for Tommy, Buck wasn’t sure he would have gotten very far.
How was any Guide ever supposed to live up to this?
Perhaps Buck was lucky and it would turn out he didn’t necessarily need a Guide once he got through the initial phase. But just thinking about all of his zones ever since he’d gotten online chased all hopes of that away. He needed a Guide, he knew it. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to navigate his job. He needed a clear head about him, and be able to control his senses, especially surrounded by loud sounds and heavy smells. He didn’t think he could stand a kitchen fire and a beeping smoke detector right now.
Buck wondered how a Guide would fit into this new little balance that he and Tommy had built up. From what Buck had learned so far, the relationship between a Guide and a Sentinel was deep and intimate. It wasn’t a rare thing for it to turn romantic. He worried that Tommy was expecting Buck to leave him for his new Guide and would break them again before that could happen. Buck didn’t want to leave Tommy, especially not after finally getting him back. He didn’t even want a Guide.
But this wasn’t about what he did or didn’t want, it was about how it was. He was a Sentinel now. And that would affect everything in his life.
-----------------------------------------
And oh, how right he was about that.
The same day that Eddie arrived in LA, Buck got his results. Only they weren’t written down in the letter he’d gotten – instead he was asked to come to the SRO immediately. So, Buck scrambled to find someone to pick Eddie up from the airport. Luckily for Buck, Ravi was out of the hospital and not yet back at work, so he agreed to pick Eddie up and bring him to Buck’s house.
Tommy brought some food over for Eddie and Ravi as thanks and immediately took Buck out of the house, leaving instructions for the other guys to open the windows when they were done eating. Buck hoped that Eddie wasn’t disappointed, and that Ravi wasn’t mad at him.
Out of all of them, it was actually Ravi who was doing the best. He’d only been in the hospital for quarantine and observation, but was soon allowed to go home with a clean bill of health. Hen was back at home, but she was on strict orders to take it slow. Chim and Bobby were going through the last steps of their treatment. They’d gotten their new doses in time, and were now kept in quarantine until it was clear that the virus had been dealt with. After that would follow physical therapy for their lungs as well as bodily functions that may have degenerated in this whole thing, and then re-evaluations for work. As it seemed, they would probably all return to work together. Ravi had been put on leave by the Fire Chief himself and put into counseling to deal with what he’d witnessed that night. Bobby, Chim, and Hen were sure to follow. Buck already was.
Once everything was sorted, Tommy drove Buck down to the office. Fortunately, they didn’t have to wait long and were called in to talk with one of the evaluators. They knew enough about Buck at this point that it wasn’t even a question whether Tommy could come along, he just did.
“Mr. Buckley, thank you for coming,” the evaluator said, introducing herself as Dr. Park. “We have a couple of things to discuss.”
“Like my grading?” Buck asked, digging his fingers into his jeans to stop them from shaking. This was unusual, he knew. Most of the time, when a Sentinel got their grading, even a high one, they would be notified via letters, not called to the office personally.
“Among other things. I want you to know that it has been years since we had something like this happen. There is a good chance that people will be in contact for research purposes. This is- incredible!” She reined herself in, shaking her head. “Excuse me. From the tests we went through, we can confidently say that you are a grade five Sentinel. In every test we performed, you landed in the highest scores we have ever come across. But we have also seen that you seem to struggle with controlling your newfound senses.”
Buck nodded, eyes staring at his knees. Tommy reached across his lap and took his hand, squeezing it gently. Buck took a breath and looked back up. Dr. Park didn’t seem like she was judging him. She was just relaying the facts.
“Normally, we would put you through further testing, but I do not think that will be necessary. You will be put on the list of Sentinels searching for a Guide effective immediately.” She flipped through some of the papers lying in front of her. “From the signals we could read from you, you are in indisputable need of a Guide. Without one, your zones will impact you greatly and might even lead to death.”
Tommy’s hand tightened around Buck’s. Buck swallowed. He’d have to read up on that, but he vaguely remembered hearing on the news whenever a Sentinel – usually a high grade one – zoned themselves into a catatonic state until their body just gave out on them. Buck really didn’t want that to happen to him.
“Okay, and how does that work? When I’m on the list? Is it, like- a waitlist?” None of his friends who were Sentinels had Guides, so he couldn’t exactly ask them how this process worked.
“Basically, you will be put into a databank with some information about you – name, age, state, profession, grading. The department for unbonded Guides will let Guides of your caliber know and allow them to get into contact. The first contact will happen here, so we can test the compatibility.”
“What if I’m not compatible with anyone?” Buck asked.
Dr. Park chuckled. “There is always one who will be compatible with you. Maybe not a full 100 percent, but we’ve had successes from pairings below perfect synergy.”
Having successes didn’t sound all that promising, all things considered. But it was better than having to face a world with no Guide when he desperately needed one.
They left the SRO with a stack of papers. Buck would need to send some of them off soon – for example the request for a new ID and driver’s license. He also needed the information in the papers to continue filling out his forms for the LAPD.
Back at home, Ravi and Eddie had opened the windows just as Tommy had asked them to, and Buck really wasn’t looking forward to his cardboard special that was waiting for him. At least Tommy was still sharing that endeavor with him – though Buck was pretty sure that was only when they were together. He could imagine that Tommy was going all out with the spices when he was on his own.
Today, it was plain rice and chicken. Buck missed his fridge full of pumpkin loaves.
Eddie threw him a judgmental look when he saw what was on his plate, and Buck glared at him in return. It wasn’t like he was doing this for fun.
Despite the fact that both Ravi and Eddie were Sentinels – Ravi a grade one with his sight, and Eddie a grade two with sight and taste – they were surprisingly inconsiderate of a Sentinel’s senses. On the other hand, neither of them had heightened hearing, and Eddie had been living on his own for the last couple of months. And even when he was still living with his son, Chris wasn’t a Sentinel but a grade two Guide. So perhaps it shouldn’t have come as a surprise at all.
It was Tommy who asked them to be quiet, and he did it in the tone of a disappointed parent, leaving Eddie and Ravi looking cowed and giving muffled apologies to Buck.
Buck retired to his room soon enough. Despite Eddie and Ravi not being loud at all, it was too much for Buck to have two whole extra people in his house. Tommy couldn’t stay the night because he had to go home to his cat. And Buck should be able to deal with that, he shouldn’t need Tommy so close by every second of the day. Especially because soon, Tommy’s suspension would be over and done with and he’d be back on shift.
Buck hoped that this search for a Guide would be over quickly.
Tommy bid Buck goodbye with a gentle, chaste kiss and the promise that he was just a phone call away if things got bad. Ravi and Eddie promised to look out for Buck, but Ravi soon had to leave too, so that left Buck in the care of Eddie.
It was fine at first. They talked a little bit. Eddie told him about Chris, and their progress in family therapy that Chris had demanded they go to. But it overwhelmed Buck soon after, and he had to cut their talk short, something that seemed to irritate Eddie. But it couldn’t be helped.
But as the day went on, it got worse and worse. The house was too loud – whenever Eddie moved around, and he didn’t even do it loudly, Buck focused on his every step, every move, every opening of the kitchen cabinets and the muttered words about not being able to find anything. Soon, his footsteps were like thunder and his whispers were like screams in Buck’s ears, and even covering them with his hands didn’t help. That only made him focus on the rustling sound of his own skin on his ears, and then the sound of his blood pumping in his veins.
It wasn’t getting better. Buck’s ears hurt. They rang like they did after a long day of listening to the sirens and klaxons without protective gear.
He was aware he was experiencing something called a spike. When the organ of his sense got overwhelmed and replied with pain. It wasn’t as bad as a zone – when Buck couldn’t control one or more senses and got lost in what he felt, or his senses pushed in on him until he couldn’t take it. So far, his zones and spikes had only been about one sense at a time after that first night when everything had been going haywire, but Buck knew it was only a matter of time before things got worse.
He needed a Guide, and fast. They could teach him how to keep control, they could help him open his senses up and use them properly. Right now, it felt like his senses were controlling him, not the other way around.
But getting a Guide wouldn’t be all fun and games. It would most definitely be difficult to learn, it would be difficult to trust someone like this. Especially when he’d gotten a taste of Guidance light from Tommy. He liked what he did, even if it wasn’t the proper Guide treatment and would soon not be enough anymore. And once he was paired off, the letters would be coming in. A Sentinel of his grading was rarely seen out of the military or high profile jobs in the FBI or CIA. But Buck wasn’t interested in that, had even had the SRO put that in his profile that would be given to the DUG.
Buck wondered how it would be, if he could already barely stand Eddie being in the same house as him – and Eddie was his best friend. But it was too much after he’d gotten used to only having Tommy close by, and soon enough, Buck had to give Tommy a call to come and pick him up.
Eddie wasn’t thrilled about Buck leaving almost immediately, and complained about it the whole while he and Buck sat on the couch waiting for Tommy, Buck’s packed bag between his legs. He wouldn’t stop talking and talking, even when Buck asked him to quiet down. He kept asking Buck to reconsider since Eddie had just come back, and why couldn’t they spend a bit of time together, he didn’t need to be attached to Tommy’s hip!
It was only when Buck slammed his hands over his ears again and asked, voice shaking, “Please shut up, please!” that Eddie stopped. There were tears of frustration collecting in his eyes. He needed it to be quiet, he needed Tommy close by and his hand in the back of his neck so he could focus on something else, anything else-
There was a knock on the door. Buck could hear it burying every other sound. Eddie got up from next to him and left to open the door. Buck recognized Tommy’s step pattern immediately, and it didn’t take long until Tommy was in front of him, kneeling down by the couch.
“Hey, Evan,” he murmured, keeping his voice down. “Come on.”
Gently, Tommy took Buck’s hands away from his ears and into his own. He guided them to his face so Buck’s fingers could scrape over the slight stubble there, allowing Buck’s focus to leave his hearing. He’d heard about this trick before – people using touch to pull themselves out of spikes and zones. Some people carried around sandpaper, others had pieces of cloth or fur on them.
Buck understood there was a risk associated with trying to pull someone out of a zone or spike via touch – easiest sense to zone in, after all – but it worked perfectly. He ran his thumbs up and down across Tommy’s jaw, focusing on the slight prickle of his facial hair.
He opened his eyes – when had he closed them, exactly? – and came face to face with Tommy’s hesitant smile.
“There you are,” Tommy greeted him.
“Hi,” Buck mumbled back.
“What’s up with you?” Tommy asked, voice still quiet.
“Too loud.”
Tommy nodded. “Okay. We thought that might happen, right? Think you will be fine at my place with me and Odin, or should we try something else?”
“I need to get out of here,” Buck said, almost begging. He couldn’t stay here. He felt like he was about to cry from everything.
“Alright. That’s fine. You got your stuff, we can leave right now and you can sleep.” Tommy’s hand squeezed the back of Buck’s neck gently, and Buck felt the tension leave his shoulders.
Yeah. Get out of here. Get some sleep. That sounded perfect.
He nodded, and Tommy got up, taking Buck’s bag with him. He slung it over one shoulder and held his other hand out for Buck to take. He let himself be helped up and curled into Tommy’s side for a moment, hoping he’d put his hand back to that spot in the back of his neck. His wish got granted, Tommy gravitating towards that spot like it was magnetic.
“Wait a minute,” someone said, and Buck was pulled out of the momentary peace he’d felt.
Right. Eddie was still here. And when Buck lifted his head, he saw the irritation on Eddie’s face pulling his eyebrows together. Buck understood that it was annoying for Eddie to have just come to LA only for Buck to dip immediately, but these were new circumstances. Buck had only figured out he was a Sentinel a short while ago. He needed a little more time.
“Sorry about this, man,” Buck said, voice coming out sounding exhausted. “But I think I can’t-”
Eddie rolled his eyes before Buck finished speaking. A pit opened in Buck’s stomach. He didn’t want to fight. He didn’t want to disappoint Eddie.
“What, because of your Sentinel thing? Come on, we’re all Sentinels and we managed just fine! I never had trouble like this!”
“Are you a grade five?” Tommy threw in, and before Eddie could answer, he continued, “Didn’t think so. So how about you keep it to yourself and let me bring Evan somewhere else so he doesn’t zone. You’re all Sentinels, you should know how awful zones are, right?”
Eddie pressed his lips together, but he didn’t argue further. He did cross his arms over his chest, looking at Buck like he was waiting for him to say something. But Buck just really wanted to have some peace and quiet. Instead, it was Tommy who stepped in again.
“Have some patience with him, okay? We’re still figuring it out.” Tommy was clearly trying to be diplomatic. They had talked about it – about Tommy’s jealousy, about Buck not having any romantic feelings for Eddie at all, but Buck knew that Tommy wasn’t thrilled about Eddie anyways. Mostly because of the whole ghosting thing. Still, Buck appreciated him not getting into Eddie’s face about anything.
They went home to Tommy’s place, and Buck went to bed almost immediately. He didn’t have a restful sleep, per se, but he was able to sleep at all, and his ears finally stopped ringing. The house made different sounds than Buck’s, but they were familiar enough to him at this point.
He resurfaced a while later, feeling much more rested than before. Tommy wasn’t next to him, and when Buck got up to look for him, he found him in the living room on the couch. Odin was spread out across his legs, and there was a book lying on the coffee table that Tommy had clearly been reading.
Tommy was currently scratching at his lower arm, and it seemed like he’d been going at it for a while, judging from the red lines all over it. Buck furrowed his brow and rushed over, grabbing Tommy’s wrist before he could continue.
“Stop that, you’ll hurt yourself!” he said.
“Evan,” Tommy said, looking a little startled. “I didn’t hear you get up. How are you feeling? Did you sleep?”
Buck shook his head. “I’m okay. But what are you doing?”
Tommy looked at his arm, eyes widening as if he hadn’t noticed how bad it actually looked. “It’s been itching all day,” he said as a way of explanation. “I don’t really know why.”
“Sudden allergic reaction?” Buck suggested.
“It better not be to Odin,” Tommy griped.
Buck smiled and pulled Tommy up, much to Odin’s chagrin. He brought Tommy to the bathroom so he could take a washcloth, wet it with cold water, and rub it over Tommy’s lower arm. Both of them, when he realized his other arm also had a couple of scratch marks.
“This only started today?” Buck asked.
“Mhm,” Tommy hummed, watching him work. “All out of a sudden. Like I said, I didn’t eat anything new, I use the same laundry detergent as always, I didn’t wear new clothes. Maybe it was something in the air.”
“If it gets worse, you should let it get checked out by a dermatologist,” Buck suggested.
“Oh, like you did with the boils?” Tommy’s grin widened.
“It was a curse!” Buck insisted. “A dermatologist wouldn’t have helped.”
Tommy rolled his eyes fondly. “And yet, it only started going away when we got anti-fungal and anti-bacterial creams.”
“Coincidence.”
Tommy leaned in to give Buck a kiss on the forehead. “You’re doing well, aren’t you?” he asked.
Buck furrowed his brow. “Yes?” But then he realized what Tommy meant. He was dealing with the texture of a wet washcloth, as well as prolonged skin contact. “Sleep helped, it seems.”
“I’m glad.” Tommy carefully brushed a hand through Buck’s hair. When that didn’t suddenly send him into a zone, he kept his hand there. “You should probably stay with me for a while. At least until you have a Guide. I don’t think that Eddie really understands what this is like for you.”
No, he didn’t. After all, Eddie was only a grade two, had never needed a Guide because his boosted senses weren’t that severe, and he had come online as a child. Testing had been different back then, and he probably didn’t remember the early days that well when zoning would have been more common, even for him. Buck had expected and then hoped that Eddie would be a little more understanding of his predicament.
“Think he’ll ever understand?” he asked anyway.
“No, not really,” Tommy retorted. At least he was being honest. “But I also think that he won’t complain about having the house.”
True words. Buck would have to figure out what to do. If Eddie were to actually follow up on his suggestion and return to LA, he’d need a place to stay for himself and for Chris if he decided to come with Eddie. Buck didn’t know how he wanted to afford it all, but he had a vague idea what Eddie was banking on.
Well, he would cross that bridge when he got to it. For now, he would stay at Tommy’s, hope that the SRO would tell him they found a Guide for him soon, and enjoy this day that seemed to be zone free so far. He had to appreciate the little things when he had them. He had a feeling these things wouldn’t last.
-----------------------------------------
Buck got an e-mail from the SRO surprisingly quickly. It notified them that they had found an unbonded, high grade Guide that was interested in meeting him and seeing whether they would be compatible for a collaboration. They couldn’t give him any info about the Guide in the mail, but Buck understood that. Still, he agreed to a meeting.
Tommy came along, obviously. Buck felt better having him with him when it came to these Sentinel things. Tommy knew more about them than Buck, and he helped him feel safe. Besides, he would be returning to work soon, and Buck needed to make the best of this.
At the SRO, they were greeted by Dr. Park and two assistants. They didn’t blink an eye at Tommy’s presence, simply asking the two of them to follow.
They went into the back of the building, past the rooms that Buck had been in for testing. He looked at the labels next to the doors, reading Testing Room Sentinel 1 through 6, and Relaxation Room Sentinel 1 and 2. This was for Sentinels who has issues during testing. Buck wondered how Guides got tested. They would be tested by the Guide Registration Office. Was it the same as it was here?
Finally, they reached another room and Dr. Park let them in. It looked like a simple conference room with a desk and several chairs. One of these chairs was already occupied. The woman sitting in it looked up when the door opened, a bright grin taking over her face. She leapt up to come and greet them.
Buck was a bit taken aback. She introduced herself as Vanessa, and she was younger than Buck had been expecting. Early twenties. She’d been discovered as a Guide at the age of six and gone to specific Guide schools to train her.
“I’m the top of my class,” she said at the end of her introduction. “About to graduate from the extended Guide program.”
Buck knew a bit about that, Tommy had told him. Guides that went to school for it had the opportunity to add a couple of years to essentially go to university. It allowed them to skip a couple of hoops they would otherwise need to jump through in their chosen career.
What Tommy had also said, however, was that these sort of Guides knew everything in theory. They had never or rarely come across an actual Sentinel in their studies, and if they did, it was often times either a low grade one, one that was bonded, or one that was in good control of their senses. So they had no idea how to handle an actual zone. They were in tune with Sentinels, Tommy said, as they used devices – Buck thought they looked like their radios from work – in class to simulate the electric output a Sentinel portrayed, but it didn’t help if the rest didn’t work.
Still, Buck was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. He still thought it was strange that a Guide like this was signing up for the LAFD. Most people in a program like hers would go on to work for the government. But hey, he didn’t judge. He was glad someone this young was interested.
They got talking for a little bit. Mostly her asking about the night he figured it out and his rating. She was nice, but a bit too inexperienced, Buck realized. She was surprised at a couple of things Buck told her – like the spikes and the zones.
“I thought you’d have that figured out by now,” she said.
“It’s been only a couple of weeks,” Buck retorted. “This is what I need a Guide for. I don’t really know how to do any of this.”
She furrowed her brow. “Well, what am I supposed to do about it?”
“Be a Guide?” Tommy asked, raising his eyebrows. “What do they teach you in your fancy schools?”
Vanessa opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. Buck put a hand on Tommy’s lower arm.
“Be nice,” he mumbled.
“I don’t have time for nice,” Tommy retorted. “I’m supposed to trust a Guide to take care of you while you’re at work. This needs to be just right.”
Well, he wasn’t wrong. He needed someone who knew the job and was able to help him properly. Her grading was five, just like his, so she should be able to handle him. Way back then, people had assumed that a Guide was a Guide. But as more Sentinels of grade three and above popped up, people quickly realized that Guides had similar classifications. It was connected to how many senses of a Sentinel they could guide. Some Guides could comfortably deal with three. Most were stuck with two. Four and five were just as rare as the respective Sentinels, and that was the reason most of them were kept unbonded by the DUG. In case a Sentinel of their caliber appeared, they were immediately set to the task of finding someone compatible.
It looked very much like Vanessa wouldn’t be compatible. When one of the assistants turned the overhead lights on to test it, Buck quickly got overwhelmed by it, and it was Tommy in the end who helped him while Vanessa floundered and said things like, “Just don’t focus on it,” and “This freaks you out so much?” Tommy, instead, pulled him in by the back of his neck and allowed him to hide in his throat, darkening his surroundings. He breathed, and Tommy told him to just listen, and Buck did, honing in on Tommy’s steady heartbeat.
The lights were turned off, and Buck sat back up, but it was clear that what Tommy had said was true – Guides like this had all the theoretical knowledge, none of the practical. Of course. She was only in her early twenties, Buck didn’t expect her to have much experience just yet. But with the confidence she had displayed, he’d have expected her to be able to back it up a little bit more.
But then came the final nail in the coffin. There might have been some hope of working together at least, if not for this.
Buck leafed through the stack of paper in front of him documenting Vanessa’s qualifications. “I mean, we can try a bit, but it’ll definitely be difficult for you to get certified as a Guide for the LAFD. I see no prior qualifications or certifications here, so that might be a speed bump for getting back to work.”
He said that last part to Tommy who leaned over his shoulder to look at the papers, too. Vanessa, however, furrowed her brows and said, “What do you mean?”
“Well, I’m a firefighter and would like to return to work sooner rather than later. Right now, it doesn’t look like I can return to work without a Guide, but from what I heard, a Guide who isn’t also a firefighter needs to get certified, and they need you to have worked with the LAFD for a specific timespan. I don’t remember how long, but I can look that up-”
“LAFD? What would I want there?” Vanessa looked genuinely confused.
“Work?” Buck retorted, feeling sudden nerves take over. Tommy put a hand in the back of his neck before it could get worse.
“Yeah, but you’re- you’re a grade five!” Vanessa said. “Grade fives always move on to bigger things!”
“I’m pretty sure I had them put my job in my profile.” Buck felt himself growing irritated. Had all of this been a complete waste of time?
“Yes, but I thought- I thought you’d move into the military! That’s where I want to go, why would I go to the LAFD?” Vanessa looked distressed, like some plan she’d had was falling apart.
Tommy blew out the air next to Buck. “Yeah, I think this is over. Next time, don’t agree to meet a Sentinel that doesn’t follow the same aspirations as you. And maybe you should actually learn how to guide before you try to get a bond going.”
And with that, Buck and Tommy left the room. What a disappointment. Vanessa hadn’t been bad, hadn’t been impolite, but was clearly in over her head and had an idealized version of what would and should happen in her mind. Sure, most high grade Sentinels went onto other things, but not Buck.
The SRO apologized profusely to Buck for this, promising to screen the next people better. Vanessa had jumped at the opportunity to meet Buck, they told him, clearly excited to meet and bond with a grade five so she could move her career along.
They left without Buck finding a Guide, but with the promise to return and meet other candidates.
It was only the first one. There would be one out there was would fit Buck. There had to be.