Work Text:
“You’re…” Illuga was at a loss for words. He stared at Lohen, who was barely standing upright, but kept laughing and slowly trying to reach the other end of the corridor. There was blood streaking down the left corner of the lips and Illuga doubted he wanted to hear the story behind it. Lohen’s eyes flickered with madness. He was drunk. The amount of alcohol he consumed must have been enough to serve as an anaesthetic.
“Illuga!” Lohen exclaimed happily before his mind drifted off and he was laughing again. Illuga prepared himself mentally for apologising to their neighbours tomorrow. He wondered how long they would be patient this time before calling the city patrol. Illuga feared when the knocking would come and he’d have to open the door to two men in uniforms who would recognise him as their workmate’s flatmate. I’m sorry. I know we were loud, he got drunk and dropped a few things from the table. He’ll be calm now. I’m sorry.
“Can you be at least a little quieter?” Illuga asked, but it didn’t seem to reach the other.
“You never sleep when I come… don’t be angry I woke you up.”
Illuga couldn’t be angry at being woken up. He never went to sleep, he would never go to sleep without Lohen safely tucked in by his side. Lohen, however, didn’t seem to care. Illuga wanted to talk with him, but whenever the man had some time, he looked exactly like that.
A rush of adrenaline slowly leaving his body, bruises and blood all over his skin, eyes glowing with something akin to insanity. Illuga hated that it became so common. He hated that he was the one who proposed they shouldn’t completely abandon their personal routines once they moved in together. He didn’t think it would mean he’d have to watch Lohen put his dislocated fingers back in place at least once a week. He was aware the man had a high tolerance for alcohol, but he was going overboard way too often. Once he scared Illuga senseless when he came back after a fight in the middle of the night. He noticed the other brushing his teeth in the bathroom so he stood in the doorframe waiting, without a word. When Illuga saw his bloodshot eyes and scratched face with the corner of his eye, his instinct worked faster than common sense and he punched him in the face.
That was a good one, flicker. Don’t worry.
Illuga felt guilty whenever he looked at Lohen and the bruise that sprawled all over his cheek. It was eating him out until the swelling was gone and even later Lohen teased him for fun about it.
He truly should have thought this through more. He made that decision too fast. They haven’t known each other too well, neither for too long. Why did he follow Flins’ steps and lay his eyes on another Mondstadtian, he wasn’t sure. Flins and Varka made it look so easy and Illuga thought their differences were what made their relationship work out.
Well, in his case, these differences were making it all fall apart. Illuga would lie if he said he didn’t know Lohen had a thing for fighting, but he didn’t know the extent. There were things Lohen and Varka kept a secret, however Flins was hundred times better at getting them out of the man. Varka was also a lot more submissive than he looked. If asked kindly, he would agree to most of the requests. Flins easily convinced him to quit underground fights and Illuga thought that Lohen wouldn’t go there as often without any company - well, he was naïve. He claimed he needed some additional income since being a part of the city guard didn’t provide him with a stable future. Illuga begged him to be more careful, but in vain. Anything that was organised underground was illegal and he didn’t want to see him behind the bars or pay fines higher than the illegal fighting provided him with.
Lohen seemed to yearn for something Illuga apparently couldn’t give him and would never need himself. It simply scared him. And it hurt. To see Lohen drunk so much he didn’t even know how he got home. To never be fully aware where he was and when he was coming home. If he was coming home at all.
“Whooo…” Lohen dropped to the ground. Illuga wanted to approach him and help him get to the bathroom. He always did. He would force the other to take a shower and then would spend another hour trying to patch him up. Lohen would always squirm and try to brush everything off. However, he didn’t stop talking. He would tell Illuga about his fights, how he managed to get the opponent down. How many hits he landed and if the cut on his face was a fresh wound or something he got in the very beginning of fighting and it kept reopening.
Then don’t help him. Let him struggle without you. This is what he heard from Varka. It might be hard at first, but he will understand he’s doing wrong. He’s a good kid.
Illuga had to turn around and sit in the kitchen. He wouldn’t be able to ignore Lohen, clearly in need of some support. He heard the man’s clothes rustle and the noise of him getting up from his knees. Illuga wanted to cover his ears. Lohen mewled.
“Illu…” He called out and Illuga scrunched up his nose, the guilt was drilling a hole in his stomach. He was angry with him, but not heartless. “What did I do…?” He sounded as if he actually was pondering why Illuga was not helping him out as usual. “Flicker…” He chuckled and then started coughing. Illuga was immediately back at his feet, already imagining the other choked on his own puke. Before he got to the door the noise stopped and so did he. “Didn’t work…” Lohen mumbled to himself. Illuga pinched the bridge of his nose and noticed his phone’s screen lit up so grabbed it to check the notification.
Did Lohen get home?
Illuga wished he could reach Varka through the screen and suffocate him. So Lohen didn’t drink alone. Varka was no saint, but it was enough that he came back home barely conscious and Flins made sure he wouldn’t repeat that. Illuga didn’t know what he said or did to Varka, but his older brother was way too frightening to do anything against him.
Meanwhile, Illuga was pretending not to hear Lohen struggling in the corridor, awaiting the other’s realisation what he did wrong and how he disappointed and hurt Illuga. Varka called him, but Illuga didn’t pick up.
Another message came and he was about to throw the phone out of the window, but this time it was from Flins.
Are you okay? If you need any help you can always call. I’m not going to sleep until you do so if there’s something you want to talk about or throw out the body then don’t hesitate to ask.
That at least made Illuga smile. He clicked the number and hid in the corner of the kitchen. Flins picked up instantly so Illuga started talking.
“He’s probably sleeping on the floor tonight. If Varka is worried then he can stop. Lohen came home in one piece. Or more or less. I’m not sure if he has all of his teeth, he’s bleeding.”
“I’m sorry you need to go through it. Varka was indeed worried, but Lohen didn’t want any help so he only called him a taxi home.”
“He can say whatever he wants, Varka shouldn’t let him go alone. You haven’t seen him, he looks horrible.”
“I’ll get him in a moment,” he said firmly and then he heard a hiss further away from the phone. “Sit. Down.”
“I’ll talk to him myself some other day. For now I’ll just make sure my boyfriend doesn’t choke.”
“Get some rest too, Illuga. If you want me to pick you up, you don’t have to explain. I can deal with him for you.”
That was a weirdly comforting thought, but at the same time, leaving Lohen here and disappearing would feel like giving up on him. On them. And that’s not what Illuga wanted. He only wished for a peaceful night, Lohen by his side (preferably sober and unharmed) and less than three problems a day. That would be perfect.
He heard Varka whispering in the background that Illuga surely didn’t need any ghosts to lure Lohen out of the flat and that he already had one demon to deal with. However, he didn’t hear the answer and Varka went deadly quiet right after the joke attempt.
“Please prioritize yourself for once, Illuga.”
“I’ll try.”
The call ended.
He had to start his shift in four and a half hours, but he was about to have a mental breakdown by the kitchen table. It’s been a while since he heard Lohen at all, so he peeked at him from the kitchen. The man was dead asleep. His body tangled at uncomfortable angles, forehead resting against the carpet and coat still on. Illuga sighed and walked up to him to check if he was still bleeding and breathing. He brushed back a few messy strands, sensing the fever even without touching his skin. He bit on his lower lip.
“What are you doing…” he whispered and stroked his hair for a while more, guilt crawling all over his skin, biting everywhere it could and making his ears tear up. Illuga withdrew his hand and sat down, leaning against the wall. He didn’t want anything to happen to Lohen, he just wanted him to understand that Illuga was not there to keep him alive after he got in trouble. Lohen disappeared for hours while he kept the house intact and made sure everything concerning them was in order, all the documents, doctor’s appointments, taxes… Illuga couldn’t help but miss the beginning of their relationship when Lohen didn’t let him lift a finger and they shared responsibilities. He fell asleep sitting up and opened his eyes four hours later to his alarm.
He guessed it probably woke up Lohen too, but he tried not to care. He moved around the kitchen as usual. Breakfast, eggs and toast, herbal tea, but only one portion instead of two. A lonely cup by a lonely plate in front of an even lonelier man.
He bit on the inside of his cheek so as not to cry and tasted blood in his mouth. He flinched and started forcing food down his throat and when he was almost done with the toast, Lohen emerged from the corridor. They looked like they met up in the street, Illuga going to work, his appearance pristine, while Lohen only finished partying and didn’t care whether he appeared like a highly functioning human or not.
***
When he opened his eyes, everything hurt. His whole body seemed frozen in time, the side that touched the floor he barely could move at all. His head was pounding and nausea was lingering at the back of his throat like a silent reminder of the previous night’s antics. He drank a lot. It hurt so he drank until the pain blurred out and seemed more like a dream than reality. Why was he still there? Didn’t Illuga see him? Where was he? He always helped Lohen undress and forced him through a hectic evening routine his drunk body was barely capable of. Now, he still had his shoes on, and he had decency to freak out about it because this was a no-shoes inside household and if there was something Illuga could suffocate him for - it was this. He was also wearing a coat that reeked of smoke and beer.
Illuga wasn’t home? He faintly remembered calling him out. He barely stood up and walked toward the light coming from the kitchen. His body objected. Light hurt his eyes more with each step and his legs were so wobbly that he would prefer to crawl there instead. Shoes. He mentally scolded himself and lowered himself slowly to take them off. When he finally stood in the doorframe, Illuga was there, with one knee curled up and his chin leaning on it as he was munching on the toast. Their gazes crossed. Illuga looked away.
“Hello my light, did you sleep well?” Lohen tried to sound ordinary, but his voice barely resembled him. Illuga gave him a pitiful look, but didn’t say a word. Lohen cleared his throat. “Excuse me? Maybe a kiss for a hardworking boyfriend?” Illuga’s face only scrunched up further and he put away the leftovers, took one more sip from the cup and started packing lunch into his bag. If he was leaving so early then maybe Lohen would pick him up later before he starts his own shift? Illuga was usually done at 1 PM so he could save him some travel on a crowded bus. Maybe he will be less angry with him then… “Illuga? What happened?” The other gave him a look of disbelief. His eyes were tired and body moved slower than usual.
“You. You happened. You come back like a drunkard, your pupils wider than irises, covered in blood and grime and expect me to be happy you came back at all?” He closed the bottle with tea so harshly it squeaked. “This is not what I want. I don’t want to think every single night where you are. I don’t want to stay up to make sure you won’t choke yourself. You like adrenaline? Great, I don’t. I have only this much tolerance,” he tapped the chair’s seat. “and you’re somewhere…” he gestured at the ceiling. “Maybe on our neighbours’ ceiling. I can’t do that,” he grabbed his bag and wanted to go out, but Lohen blocked the door. “Don’t do that.”
His loud voice was echoing in Lohen’s mind, piercing through his ears, so not used to hearing the other yell at him or even raise his voice.
“Illuga, I’m sorry, we can-”
“Move your arm. I’m going to be late to work,” he said with a shaky tone.
“Hey, my flicker, come on,” Lohen tilted his head to the side, trying to catch eye contact with him.
“Grab yourself together,” Illuga whispered and looked at him with yearning in his eyes. “Maybe sober up before you talk with me. I deal with people like that every day, but I somehow can’t with my own,” he pushed Lohen away and sprinted to the end of the corridor to put on shoes and coat.
“Illuga, I’m sorry, it’s not just about adrenaline, I want to secure some money too.”
“For what? I said I’d pay for the flat if you can manage the food. If you can’t. That’s also fine.”
“That’s uneven and unfair,” he rolled his eyes and Illuga sent him a glare.
“Lohen. You don’t understand. You work nights, long shifts, you always did everything I didn’t know how to do and didn’t mind going to the shop even if it was the middle of the night.” Well, he used to because now Illuga stopped asking him for anything. He only wanted him to be back home on time, preferably without new injuries and even with the bar so low, Lohen managed to screw up.
“Well, you’re not a gremlin that shouldn’t be fed after midnight,” Lohen tried to joke.
“This.” Illuga pointed at him with an accusatory finger. “THIS IS UNFAIR. You do something illegal and dangerous while I sit here and just wait for you to either come back covered in blood, yours or not, and pray you still have all of your teeth.”
“What’s unfair about that?”
“If I offered to take on another half-time, you would handcuff me to the radiator. You’d lock me up with 24/7 supervision if I wanted to take part in the underground fights or bets. Things you don’t allow me, you do all the time. How is that fair?”
“I do that so you don’t have to,” Lohen reached his hand to cup Illuga’s cheek, but the man moved away.
“You also don’t have to! For Moon’s sake, you don’t,” Illuga wiped his face. “You don’t want to see me in dangerous situations and neither do I. If you keep doing it… I don’t know if I can keep this up,” his tone was miserable, but it finally reached Lohen’s slightly sobered up ears.
“Flicker, it’s not enough of an explanation to you, but I swear when I don’t have to, I will no longer do it.”
“You can’t tell me why? You got into debts? A weird deal? What’s wrong? We’re partners, I’m your boyfriend and I wished you were acting more like mine too-” Illuga’s voice cracked and tears spilled. He quieted down. He didn’t say anything for a long while, breathing deeply in and out, hoping to stop the tears from falling and finally succeeding. However, now, Lohen felt like sobbing himself.
“Nothing is wrong, please don’t cry, let me take care of it and everything will be okay,” he promised, but the words were no longer enough.
“Lo, I don’t need everything to be okay,” he said sternly. “I want you to be honest with me so we can deal with it together. That’s all.”
“I… I can’t do it now…” Lohen whispered and Illuga looked away.
“I see.”
“Illuga!” He called him out, but the man had already left.
***
Lohen didn’t like when people undermined Illuga’s work. He did everything other people didn’t want to and had so much affection and consideration within him for all these struggling humans that Lohen was in awe. Illuga didn’t pity anyone, he always exceeded the expectations for a social worker because rarely ever his colleagues truly stayed in touch with the families they were helping, visited the schools to make sure kids were treated right or spent so much time with children everyone claimed to be difficult. You’re one of these. A good training material. Varka once nudged Lohen and he wanted to scratch his eyes out until Illuga burst out laughing and he immediately calmed down. When he gave it more thought, Varka wasn’t that far from the truth. Lohen truly gave Illuga a hard time in more ways than one. He didn’t like eating his veggies, he was constantly getting into trouble, and probably caused more worries than soothed.
If Illuga was a soft soul, then Lohen was a shadow, all sharp edges and teeth. The opposites attract, but they should consider how much of each of the would be spared once they coexist. Because as of now, Illuga was the only one adjusting and if Lohen lets it continue, he’ll devour what he cherished so much.
Out of all people on this earth, Lohen was only scared of two.
His mother and Flins. Having Illuga’s brother call him was a bad sign. Texting him twice after he called? Even a worse one. Having him appear by their front door? Lord Barbatos, please take me safely to your kingdom-
Flins claimed he just wanted to talk, but Lohen was afraid that the man didn’t see through his actions the same way Varka did. It made it a lot easier to continue what he was doing once he had a green light from at least one person. Pity that this person didn’t come up with a good enough excuse for Lohen in case his eerie boyfriend got interested in his behaviour. Flins was merciless if it came to people hurting his younger brother and Lohen didn’t seem like doing anything else lately.
“I would prefer it if I didn't have to explain basic decency to you,” Flin’s voice remained calm, but the timbre of it made the other shiver.
“I don’t know why you should?” Lohen tried to remain untouched, but one look into Flins’ eyes made him regret that question.
“That’s also a problem with you,” Flins let out a small sigh. “You don’t think it’s wrong how you treat Illuga?” Lohen wished he would have enough bravery to tell Flins to get out and leave their relationship alone, but it could end up with many bad things happening to him and he already nursed three broken ribs after the last night. “If you want to stay around him you can’t do things that push him away from you.”
“You don’t have to tell me what to do.”
“No, but I would kindly ask, even if it’s not your area of expertise, if you could not make him cry every other day?”
Lohen went silent.
“I didn’t think I would have to ask you to think twice before you kiss or bite him in public too. Your behaviour got him to the director’s office more than once. People talk, Lohen. I swear to the Moon, if you can’t see this, I’m going to beat some sense into you. And no matter what Varka says, you won’t like that.” Flins took a step forward, eyes suddenly empty, staring right through Lohen’s soul. “Don’t hurt my brother.” He cracked his knuckles and Lohen immediately jumped back. Hopefully the corridor will let him move back away from Flins for at least a minute more.
“Hey. Listen, we can talk it out. You and me. Me and him. We can make it work. Hey. Flins,” he raised his palms.
“Why are you so fidgety? Don’t you fight for money?”
“You can make me get possessed by something, that’s a different thing.”
“You said you many times you don’t believe in that magic of mine.” He tilted his head to the side.
“Better safe than sorry.” Lohen chuckled, but his legs turned jiggly. He was a grown up man. Why would he shake like that? Just because Flins worked as a cemetery guard and Varka swore for his mystic abilities didn’t mean he would curse Lohen, wouldn’t he?
Right?
“I think something already possessed you long ago.” Flins crossed his arms.
“What?” Lohen laughed nervously.
“And consumed all of your common sense.”
“Flins!” Lohen choked on his breath when the other pushed him against the wall and held his hand around Lohen’s neck. He could easily escape an easy hold like that any other day, yet today it felt like many other hands pinned him down to the wall and he couldn’t move an inch. Flins didn’t back off. He seemed bored, neither enjoying nor loathing the circumstances. Just indifferent. As if it wasn’t even him who did it, he just observed. When Lohen tried to kick him, the other grabbed his ankle and twisted it with such an angle that Lohen’s eyes prickled with tears. Who taught him that?
“Do you enjoy it? Varka said last night you couldn’t wait for someone to smash you against the floor, do you want me to?”
“No, hey, you want me to tell you why I do these illegal fights? I will, you just shut up about it around Illuga and we’re good.”
“Consider me listening.”
“Can you let go before I faint and tell you nothing?”
***
A sound of a motorcycle startled Illuga a little and other people leaving the office also turned around and noticed Lohen. Some of them even rolled their eyes.
That menace, uncultured man, degenerate, delinquent, misfit, oddball-
Illuga mewled internally hearing all these words directed at the other. He wasn’t happy to see Lohen either, but he was his idiot and only Illuga had the law and permission to complain about him. His chest ached and his heart squeezed itself at the sight of the man roughly patched up. His neck was bandaged too, something he didn’t notice last night. He should walk away. He shouldn’t just let Lohen have it however he wanted. The anger subsided a little over the day, but he was still so shaky, he wanted to cry.
“You don’t want a lift home?” Lohen whistled and called him out. Illuga closed his eyes slowly. If someone didn’t, now everyone stared at them. He couldn’t do much besides approaching Lohen and keeping his posture straight, ignoring the drilling glares in his back.
“Why are you here?” He whispered.
“So you don’t have to take a crowded bus. Mainly to apologise though,” Lohen smiled a little, like he tried to feel the ground. Could he be more direct or should he act softer? Even though nobody ever taught him how to do so?
“And it couldn’t wait until I was back home?”
“No. It shouldn’t even wait until now, I don’t know why I let you out in the morning.”
“I have a hunch your hangover had something to do with that.”
“I’m sober, I wouldn’t drive and especially offer you a lift if I didn’t feel good.”
“At this point I’m not sure.” Illuga looked away and Lohen’s face faltered a little.
“I apologise, Illuga.” He wanted to hold his hand, but Illuga crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I know you are worried about me. I’m sorry I do things that make you so stressed.”
“Your whole existence makes me stressed. How you live, how you work, what you do for fun too. I’m constantly stressed about you, it’s not a point in time occurrence. It's an ongoing action that hasn’t met its end.”
“I’ll try to end it today. I’m sorry. Please let me change that,” he gave him a helmet that Illuga didn’t take. “Lil flicker, please, let me do this right.”
“You know how many times you asked for that already?”
“Probably a hundred,” Lohen wasn’t going to lie. “but this time we can truly start all over, just let me take you on a ride. If you hate what I have to show you, I won’t ask you to give me another chance.”
“I don’t know if I want to listen to you.” Illuga pushed the helmet away and Lohen felt like he just got pushed down a dark pit.
“You’re doing quite well now…” He tried to joke once more and Illuga gave him a stare.
“Lohen, you’re on thin ice. Can’t you read the room?”
“Please. Please Illuga. I have a feeling you will like it. I… I won’t go without you. It’s just for you.” Illuga looked up at the sky as if he waited for the Moon Goddess to advise him.
“I have a coat, I don’t want it to get dirty.”
“Then fold and pack in the back.” He pointed at the small trunk, but Illuga had a few more excuses prepared.
“It’s cold.” Lohen immediately took off his jacket even though he had a short sleeve underneath and offered it to Illuga.
“Take mine.”
“Lohen.”
“It’s twenty minutes.”
“If you’re getting me into something…”
“No, I don’t. If you want me to beg, I can beg. But you’ll be too awkward to ever come back to work if I do it up to my capabilities.”
“True.” Illuga sighed and accepted the jacket and then the helmet. He sat behind Lohen and didn’t want to hold on to him at first, but then realised he didn’t feel safe riding any other way. He slowly pressed his chest against Lohen’s back and embraced the man’s waist.
“Comfy? Hold on tight.”
Lohen drove recklessly since Illuga remembered. When he lost his license, it was Illuga who rented a car and helped him practice for the test on an empty parking lot. He almost lost his faith in this man’s ability to take anything seriously. Nobody got injured, but they had to pay for a few scratches that happened to the car.
However, the motorcycle was a different thing. Always clean, like it was going to participate in some bike pageant, never scratched. Maybe it let him drive more freely, he wasn’t sure. Illuga observed the cars they passed and houses, slowly realising they were going to the shore. His body immediately loosened up. He loved the scent of the sea and the taste of salt in the air. Like a child, he couldn’t wait to see the lighthouse and listen to the waves crashing against the cliffs. He adored observing ships in the evening, watching them come back home, to the deck. Fluffy clouds above his head made him feel at ease, they looked tasty like soft marshmallows and he yearned to touch them. He floated with them in his dreams. Far away from the ground, listening to the sea, completely free.
I will live by the shore one day. He kept repeating with his head in the clouds. Whenever he mentioned it, Lohen always told him he would. He never laughed, he almost looked fondly at Illuga even though he knew he physically couldn’t make that idea come true. Not with this wage and not in this economy.
When he saw the house that was constantly “on sold”, his heart ached. It would be a perfect landscape viewpoint, a small spot that used to belong to one of the fishermen and then never found an owner. Standing in solitude, he waited to be claimed, but nobody was interested in it for too long. Too small, too old, too far away from the centre, uncomfortable, in need of serious redoing. Its age and antique interior were its main perks for Illuga and problems for any other potential buyers. He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think about it right now. He hugged Lohen tighter and then felt the bike slowing down and the other placing his hand over his. Illuga tapped his chest twice. A quiet sign to tell him he was alright. After a few minutes they stopped on the top of the hill, near the house, where they lay on the blanket four weeks prior and kept talking about everything and nothing. A moment of normalcy Illuga so deeply yearned for. He gazed at Lohen and noticed the goosebumps.
“You’re cold.” He wanted to give him back the jacket, but the other shook his head.
“No, I’m fine.” He clapped his pockets and then grabbed Illuga by the waist and started tapping all over the jacket too.
“Lohen!” He pushed him back with flushed cheeks. “I swear to the Moon, you’re doing it on purpose and I don’t have so much patience left.” He sighed and Lohen smiled apologetically while he took out something from one of the pockets. Illuga didn’t even notice. “Why are we here?”
“It’s no longer on sale.” Lohen pointed at the house and Illuga’s stomach dropped. Well. Yes. It wasn’t. His little spot was finally bought. Who bought it? He wouldn’t take him here just to make him sad, would he? “So you can come home now.” Lohen grinned and reached out a set of keys dangling from his finger.
For a split second Illuga was completely lost. He thought he was given the bike keys and asked to drive back to the flat. Lohen looked a little too excited for that.
“I’m sorry for the fights and making you worry. There was no better way to speedrun the savings.” His cheeks turned pink at the thought of Flins listening to his confession and what he planned to do. These yellowish eyes gazed at him in silence for so long that he fully expected to be cursed either way and not be given the amount of money he still lacked. No more of that useless violence. Take it and don’t mention it. You’ll give me back when you can, just don’t make Illuga sad anymore. He asked if he was sure it was an offer with no catch or a ghost, but Flins told him to accept it before he added some unpleasant bonus.
“Lohen… What are you talking about?” Illuga didn’t reach the comprehension stage just yet.
“I swear that’s all it was for. And since you’re the owner now, I won’t do illegal stuff anymore,” he jiggled the keys. “It’s all yours. I just… I didn’t have enough to get you anything for the interior, but you’re a crafty man, you’ll do something about it.”
“I… I can’t be the owner, Lohen, I didn’t sign anything-” Illuga started stumbling on words, his voice becoming anxious the more he thought about it.
“Oh I did and faked your signature so you can be the one on the deal.” Lohen brushed it off.
“Lohen!”
“Sorry. If I took you with me it would kill the surprise.”
“You bought a house.” Illuga finally took a deep breath and articulated every word.
“Yeah, I did. So since you already have a house now you can look at the sea as much as you want. Please take these keys, my arm hurts.”
“I can’t…” Illuga took a step back and his eyes teared up.
“Why?”
“No, Lohen, you can’t buy me a house.” Illuga nervously brushed through his hair. “You can buy me dinner or something, you can’t just buy me a house, what were you thinking?”
“That it would make you happy.” Lohen lowered his arm and started playing with the keys. Illuga looked at him with disbelief. “It didn’t work out as I planned though…” He cleared his throat and for the first time in his life Illuga saw him so hesitant. “You… you don’t want it?”
“Of course I want it, but I can’t just- you’re- Lohen you’re insufferable, I would never want it if I knew you’d go to the underground to collect money for that. For me. Why didn’t you take it for yourself?” He wished he could shake the man, grab his shoulders and bring some sense into him, but he was too injured to add up to the pain.
“I have all I need,” the other shrugged. “I’m okay when you are. If you don’t want to have me here, I will understand. I want to leave you with something nice after I gave you so many problems. It’s probably gonna be a little problem too, given the age of the installation and all… but I can help with that, find someone to take care of it…”
Illuga looked like he wanted to choke him before he remembered someone did that before him so he just threw himself at Lohen, pushing him off the bike so they both landed on the ground with a thump.
“Illu…” Lohen’s eyes widened and he raised his hands up. Illuga cried. He wanted to hit Lohen so badly, he even raised his fist, but it stopped above the man’s chest. He couldn’t do that. He pressed his forehead against Lohen’s sternum and sobbed.
“I yelled at you so much for overworking yourself and you did it all for that?”
“And to pay for groceries.” He added and cupped the back of Illuga’s head. The crying stopped for a second because Illuga raised his head to send him a glare that bore no anger.
“Lohen… You’re an idiot.”
“I thought you’d at least tell me it was a thoughtful gesture…” Lohen stroked his cheek.
“You…” Illuga’s eyes filled with another wave of tears. “Why didn’t you tell me? I was so mean to you. I treated you so bad…”
“You? Me? You treated me better than anyone ever did, the scolding I completely deserved.” He wiped away his tears. “Hey. Please. My flicker, don’t cry.”
“I will cry, you did something like that and you act like it’s a small surprise and I have nothing to give you.” Illuga slowly escaped the mess of their tangled limbs and helped the other get up. Lohen brushed off some of the dust and grass that got stuck to Illuga’s clothes.
“You loved me. Even if just for a while. Nobody ever loved me.” He smiled reassuringly, but it only caused Illuga to choke on the next sob. Flins will kill him. He’ll call Illuga in the evening and Lohen will be so dead by morning that he won’t even manage to choose a spot at the cemetery for his last resting place. If there’s anything left of him to bury after Flins gets him.
Illuga embraced him softly and pressed a kiss to his patched up cheek.
“I still love you, Lohen. You’re just making it impossible to not be worried about you, how can I know what you’re up to when you were saving up for a house for half of the year we lived together and I didn’t notice.”
“Oh, for a lot longer, you just didn’t see me that often. And I was not paid too well in the beginning.”
“How long?” Illuga was scared to ask.
“A year and a half?”
“We weren’t even dating then?” He mewled.
“But you said you’d be willing to marry a person who gets you this house. At first I saved up some for fun, thinking you’d one day say you decided to get it and lack a certain amount that I could, so conveniently, give you.”
“Why?” Illuga’s hands kept stroking his nape.
“I liked you and didn’t want anyone to get it before you. I’d be willing to plant a ghost or two here to scare potential buyers off, but Varka said it was a bad idea and Flins would turn me into a ghost if he got to know.” It finally made Illuga chuckle. Lohen sighed. He was successful. At least once.
“You’re so unconsciously caring it’s painful to watch, Lohen.” Illuga rubbed his forehead. “And please tell me next time when you get into some years-long investment for my sake. I would prefer to know. It’s an adorable surprise, but I don’t think my heart can take even one more of that… size.”
“So… will you open the door or not?” Lohen placed keys in Illuga’s hand.
“You should open it.” Illuga flicked his forehead and then gestured at the entrance. “It’s your hard work, open the door for me and I’ll gladly stay there with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Please. Go ahead.” They walked onto the porch, listening to the wood creaking and their own loud breathing. Lohen put the key in the lock and turned. The door opened and he invited Illuga inside, letting him be the first to enter. The inside smelled like warm memories of time passed and some vinegar with soap. The windows were clean and the floor literally glistened in the afternoon sun.
“Did you manage to clean it up?”
“Yeah, roughly..” Lohen smiled and Illuga felt the need to take off his shoes.
“All after buying it? When did you buy it?”
“In the morning.”
“You’re truly a man of many talents, I underestimated you.”
“I had a good motivator.” Lohen smirked and Illuga kissed him.
“Motivator hopes you’re not working tonight.”
“How would I dare?” He let Illuga take his hand and take a walk around the ground floor and then see three rooms upstairs. He knew the layout like the back of his hand. He knew where his reading room would be and that the other two rooms would be perfect for a bedroom and a small office. The kitchen and living room downstairs were enough space for them both, but if Lohen ever needed more, Illuga would let him take over the office. The bathroom probably needed the most work, given that more tiles were gone than not, but it only filled him with excitement that he could fix it with Lohen. Illuga was beaming.
“Do you know what goes where already?” Lohen asked and the other nodded. “Where do I go?”
“Wherever I go.”
“Would it be a problem if you went to turn the heating up?” Lohen suggested and Illuga poked his nose playfully.
“So you are cold!”
“Of course I am, it’s ten degrees! And windy!” Lohen rubbed his arms and Illuga embraced him again.
“I’ll get you a fluffy duvet when we move.”