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Kitty and Min Ho have been in Portland for a week. Everything was completely fine, really. Well, that was until Kitty got her period.
Periods have always been tough for Kitty. Ever since her first menstruation, her cramps have been extremely intense. She even thought she had endometriosis once, but her suspicions were wrong apparently.
However, that didn’t ease up her pain. She knew that it wasn't normal to feel excruciating pain during her cycle, and that something could be wrong, but there was nothing she could do besides taking very strong painkillers.
And sometimes those don't work either. She is yet to figure out what is wrong with herself.
In Korea, she managed just fine by some sort of miracle. But now... Now that she's back home, and that she doesn't feel the need to be okay and to have her body under control all the time, the pain hit her harder than ever.
It was unbelievably bad, not only because it hurts like a bitch, but also because Min Ho is here to spend Christmas with her family, and she never let him see her like this before.
To make things worse, Margot was still in Scotland, Lara Jean and Peter were spending the weekend out, Trina went on a trip to visit her family, and dad needed to do a double shift in the hospital.
So they were completely alone, and she had no other choice, but to tell him the truth.
Maybe.
She didn't want to.
But—
Right as she was making herself a cup of tea, excruciating pain shot through her uterus, all the way up to her ribs, knocking the air right out of her lungs. Instinctively, she bends forward, supporting one hand on her knee, and clutching her lower belly with the other.
A muffled groan of pain escapes her lips as the metallic spoon she was holding falls, and makes a clattering noise against the ground.
'Covey?' Min Ho calls from upstairs.
Crap. She thinks. She probably would've said it out loud, if she wasn't busy gritting her teeth in pain.
'Kitty.' He calls again, closer this time. He's walking down the stairs.
She responds with a sound similar to a whimper. It's barely audible, but he hears it.
'Hey.' He says. Once his eyes land on her, the spoon in the ground, and the overheated kettle, his eyes widen, and he crosses the kitchen in two strides.
'Kitty, what's wrong?' Min Ho asks, obviously concerned. He places a hand on her lower back, and quickly turns off the kettle.
She tries desperately to say something, anything at all. But her body fails her, and her legs give out. Min Ho catches her immediately, his hands gentle, and careful not to press too hard anywhere because he can tell that she's in pain.
Slowly, he rotates her in his arms. 'Can you walk?'
She shakes her head 'no'. Her eyes are glossed with pain, and filled with tears. She throws her arms around his neck with a force that knocks the air out of his lungs.
His hold on her tightens just a fraction, and he presses his lips to the top of her head in a feather-light kiss.
'Hurts.' She whispers quietly next to his ear.
'Want me to take you to the couch?' Min Ho questions, rubbing circles on her back with his thumb.
Kitty nods, hiding her face on the crook of his neck. Then, with his help, her wraps her legs around his waist, which makes her hiss in pain again.
'Sorry.' He mutters against her temple.
Gently, oh so gently, he lays her on the couch and kneels beside her, resting his hands on his tighs. She instantly clutches her stomach again.
'Does this happen every month?' Min Ho asks quietly. Because of course he's not an ignorant idiot.
Kitty nods with her eyes still closed. Then, her eyelids slowly flutter open. And she speaks very quietly, fighting back tears. 'In Seoul things were slightly better because the painkillers did their thing. But it's been six months, and they stopped working again.'
Min Ho listens attentively, and sighs, deep in thought. 'What can I do for you?' He asks then, looking slightly helpless.
'The best choice is to drink the tea that I was trying to prepare, burn the hell out of my stomach with a heating pad until it turns into a redish-purple, and hope for the best.' She answers, wincing at the pain that talking causes.
He looks at her in disbelief for a second.
She lifts an eyebrow in response.
'You're actually serious.' He says, staring back at the kitchen, his gaze unreadable.
'It's pretty much the only thing I can do.' She whispers, staring at the ceiling.
Min Ho's heart suddenly feels heavier in his chest, and not in a good way. 'I lived with you for an entire semester. And now... I'm literally your boyfriend. How did I never notice?'
'I did everything I possibly could to hide it,' She explains with a painful half-shrug. 'And I was on the pill, and a bunch of other meds to monitor the pain, but the doctors say I can't take them anymore because they stopped working, so I was just ruining my liver at that point.'
Min Ho nods, taking everything in silently. 'I should've—' He starts, shaking his head.
'Stop,' Kitty interrupts, her voice barely above a whisper. She takes his hand on hers. 'Don't be so hard on yourself.'
Min Ho lets out a half-hearted chuckle at that. 'And you, stop using my own words against me.' He replies.
***
Some time passes. Kitty manages to drink a cup of tea, and eat a plain toast as she told Min Ho about the worst parts of the pain, and the nausea, and the dizziness, and everything in between.
'At least I managed to eat something.' She says.
'And to sit up.' Min Ho adds, gesturing around her.
She's sitting on the longest part of the 'L' shaped couch, completely surrounded by pillows supporting her on the sides. There is a scalding heating pad resting on top of her stomach over the clothes to minimize the effects of the burning in her skin.
'And to sit up.' Kitty repeats. But her voice trails off in the end, and something seems... worse. Min Ho can tell because she grimaced, very subtly. He's about to ask her if she's okay, when her face suddenly grows very, very pale, and she goes very still.
'Kitty?' He calls.
'Bathroom. Now.' She responds quickly, covering her mouth with her hand.
It was only a matter of seconds before they made it to the bathroom, and Kitty kneeled down in front of the toilet throwing up all the content from her very minimal breakfast.
Min Ho crouched down beside her holding her hair up with one hand, and rubbing her back soothingly with the other.
She kept throwing up until there was nothing left, but the burning sensation in her throat and nose, and the useless gagging motion that brings tears to her eyes but never does much to help because her stomach is more than empty.
With Min Ho's help, Kitty manages to sit on the sink counter to clean her face with a washcloth, brush her teeth, and change out of her shirt that's damp from sweat, tears, and probably vomit.
Surprisingly for her, Min Ho never once complains or acts disgusted, which she considers to be extreme character development.
Or maybe it's just because he loves her.
Even when she's sick and mildly disgusting from recently throwing up. And this thought alone is enough to make her heart swell, and to fill her eyes with tears.
Happy tears.
Because not once in her life, she thought it could be possible to feel this safe, happy, and loved by her caring boyfriend while sitting on a cold bathroom floor, and suffering from extremely intense menstrual pain.
'Kitty.' Min Ho calls. His eyebrows are all scrunched together with worry, and he reaches out to wipe her tears with his thumb. 'What's wrong? Is the pain getting worse? We really should call a doctor—' He starts to head back to the living room where he left his phone, but Kitty holds him back by the wrist.
He stops and looks at her over his shoulder. She shakes her head, and the tears stream freely down her face. He quickly turns towards her and cups her face between his hands. 'Kitty—'
'No.' She cuts him off. 'I'm... I'm okay.' She nods, still crying.
'But—' Min Ho tries again.
'Don't. Don't call a doctor, okay?' She pleads. 'Just... thank you.' She pulls him into her, and hugs him tightly. 'And, I'm sorry.'
'Sorry?' Is all he manages to mutter under his breath.
'Sorry that a part of your winter break had to be spent like this, taking care of me, instead of doing something fun.' She explains, a small, sad chuckle leaving her lips as her mood suddenly switches from happy to sad and guilty, and the happy tears turn into sad ones.
Damn hormones. She thinks to herself. But that only makes her cry more.
'Hey.' Min Ho whispers carefully, pulling back from the embrace just enough to see her face, and wipe her tears again. 'I love you.'
'I love you, too.' She instantly replies.
'I really don't care what I'm doing, as long as I'm with you. Taking care of you is something I'm thankful I get to do every day, even when you're perfectly fine.' He tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 'Especially, when you're perfectly fine. I hate seeing you in pain and not being able to do anything to help.'
'You call this anything, huh?' Kitty asks, tilting her head to the side.
'You know what I meant.' Min Ho replies, smiling.
'Hey...' She smiles like a kid does when they're about to ask for something from their parents.
He subconsciously leans forward less than an inch, just to give her his full attention.
'Is now an okay timing to tell you that I'm seeing everything blurred out right now because I didn't put my lenses on, and I left my glasses upstairs?' She questions innocently, her face contorting into something between a sheepish smile and a frown.
'That explains why you're squinting so much.' He smirks before heading upstairs to get the glasses.
She stays still, sitting on the counter, and giggling to herself.
Less than two minutes later, he was already walking back into the bathroom and gently pushing the glasses through the bridge of her nose, over the back of her ears.
'Thank you.' She says softly as his face comes into focus again. 'You look better now.' She adds playfully.
'Are you implying that I look terrible while blurried, Covey? That's offensive.' He exclaims dramatically, placing a hand over his heart for emphasis.
'Your silhouette looks acceptable, but I like it better when I can see your eyes clearly.' She confesses. And this time, there's no playful edge to it. She is being fully honest.
Min Ho smiles at that. 'Are you sure you're feeling better now?' He questions hesitantly.
'Yes.' She nods. 'Though, I know I probably shouldn't try to eat just yet. Maybe later.'
'Not too late.' He replies, like it's a statement.
'Right. Of course.' She whispers.
'Covey...'
'I mean it. I will eat. Eventually.' She says pointedly.
'Fine.' He mutters. 'Couch?'
Kitty nods, and he picks her up again. This time she doesn't wince.
***
They spend the rest of the afternoon lying on the couch, watching movies, and cuddling.
And right before she doses off, she feels the gentle press of Min Ho's lips to her forehead, and instinctively snuggles closer to him, finally feeling at peace.