Chapter Text
Its been days since I watched Jennifer get into that truck. The way she stared at me still burns inside of my mind- and I don't know why I didn't tell them to leave her alone, to try and drag her out of there before it was too late. I knew.. I knew, I felt it in my stomach, that something terrible was going to happen that night. The way she stared at them- her favourite band (not even her favourite, she just found the greasy lead singer hot)- with those doe eyes as they sang to her on that stage, the way they showered her with attention, it brought more sour feelings to my chest than just jealousy that she could ever look at someone else that way. I felt this horrible feeling bubble up inside of my stomach- like acid that itched to escape me, maybe through some vile words that I would've spat at her just to try and get some of her attention back for the night, even an argument just to take her mind off of those stupid fucks in the caked on eyeliner, as if they crawled out of some stupid emo underground party.
If I had just said.. Something. Anything. Maybe she would've dragged me outside instead of focusing on them- maybe she would've called me salty and jealous, maybe she would've insulted something else about me but at least she would've been with me instead of fucking around with them at their van. All these stupid possibilities of things I could've done differently but- but no. I said nothing. I did nothing. I just stared at her as they shut the door on her and she stared at me, too, the last time I'd ever see those eyes set upon me.
I mean what would she have done? What could I have done? I couldn't just drag her away and remind her that "Hellooo I'm your girlfriend?!" now could I? Everyone already thought we were together- and they were right, of course- but they didn't know and she would've been mortified if anyone saw us for what we were. So naturally she draped herself over any man in a radius that was hot enough for her ego- and I would follow along like a lost little dog just to be graced with her presence because.. Because I wanted to be close to her, always close to her. The one night I let her go away from my side, she gets herself killled.
It's not her fault, no, I know it's not her fault but.. But if she had just listened? If she had just... Stayed with me? Maybe she'd be laying with me in my bed right now, tucked against my side as we whisper secrets- whatever secrets are left between us- and I could've combed my fingers through her perfect hair again, all under the guise of a sleepover. It was always just sleepovers, that's what we'd tell ourselves in the beginning.
My hands reach out against the bedsheets to grasp at the empty space beside me as I roll over to my left- and I imagined, for a moment, that she would be there again. All soft smiles and her eyes low-lidded as she'd stare at me. I miss those moments now more than ever, knowing everything I had with Jennifer is gone for good. The arguing, the whispers, the giggling, the kissing the- the embracing, the way that her lips would brush against mine softly at first before she would kiss me like she was starved of it, like she'd never known anything better in her life when I know that's not the truth. I know that she's had so- so much better than me in every sense of the word 'better.' Better kissing, better sex, better company, yet she'd always come back to me like I was the one thing that she could never get enough of. A budget version of all the finer things I know she could have in her grasp, yet she treated me like treasure.
My eyes slip closed as my arms wrap around my pillow slowly, carefully, and for a moment I could just imagine that she were here.
"Needy?" Jennifer's voice came in a gentle whisper- and my eyes opened to see her staring at me in the dark of the room. It's late, maybe a sleepover. Her dark hair frames her face loosely as I stare at her, the gentle glow of my old night light being the only thing that really illuminated the space between us, "Did I wake you up?"
"That's usually what happens when you talk to someone in the middle of the night when they're asleep," I give a tired smile as she scoffs gently at the sarcasm I offer her, my hand rising to rub the tiredness away from my eyes in a poor attempt to banish it, just to pay attention to her for a short while, "What's wrong? Do you need to go home?"
Jennifer sits up slowly- a stretch accompanying it- and she shakes her head softly as I lay on my back to stare up at her, "No it's.. It's not like that, I just can't sleep, I guess, and I kind of wanted to bug you so I wasn't so alone in your creepy ass room."
"Creepy? What makes it so creepy?" My eyes narrowed slowly as I push myself up to rest on my elbows- and she glanced around at the old stuffed animals I had laying about the place, "Do you have a problem with my decorating skills?"
"When it's been like, ten years since the cutoff of having stuffed bears, yeah, I do." Jennifer grinned, "But seriously, I just.. I don't know, I can't stop thinking about.. Things."
I pause for a second as I stare at her, my eyebrows furrowing for a moment. It's not like the Jennifer Check to worry about anything, let alone to let something keep her up at night.
"Is something wrong?" I mumble out as I sit up a little more, leaning over to switch on my lamp so that the room isn't as dark as it was beforehand, "Seriously, Jennifer, you can talk to me if something's wrong. We've had like, what, a hundred sleepovers where I've literally heard you talk about everything under the sun, so what's going on with you now that you're not telling me?"
There's a moment where Jennifer opens her mouth, but shuts it soon after. My eyebrows raise as I stare at her, examining that face that I've seen thousands of times by now- and I really have never seen her so pensive and hesitant before. This same woman has told me about her first time, the kinds of things that turn her on, the way guys would feel her up- I've heard the most graphic things come out of her but never in my life have I seen her act this way around me. A small pang of worry shoots through me as I reach for her hand, her nails manicured into a perfect french tip and her eyes shoot to my face in near alarm.
"Anita?" She whispers, soft and breathless. Not the nickname that is said in every tone under the sun- this was uttered almost like a holy prayer, like she was close to not being able to breathe around me. Her eyes watch me so carefully as I stare right back at her, "You've.. Heard the whispers about us, right?"
I nod softly- of course I have. Everyone has. My new nickname around highschool is fucking Lesi Lesnicki, with more scorn on me than the untouchable head cheerleader Jennifer Check. Rumours bounding all across the campus that we're in some sort of lesbian relationship but- but we would never. Surely, we would never. Nevermind that I find Jennifer mildly attractive (very attractive) but anyone with eyes knows that she's like an angel sent to the Earth, practically sculpted by Aphrodite to be so beautiful. Jennifer takes a breath for a second as her thumb brushes over the back of my hand.
"I've heard them, Jenny," I whisper back to her softly, "Is that what's bugging you? That people think we're.. Dykes?"
"I mean.. Yeah, kind of? I mean not.. Bugging me, bugging me but.. It's like on the mind, you know? I just.. I don't get it because we've never like done anything more than hold hands or hug sometimes in the halls, and sure we sit together at lunch when I could be with the cheer squad and yeah we sit together in class but.." Jennifer trails off slowly as she glanced away, "I just.. Neither of us have even kissed a girl, so I don't even get why people think we're dykes. I-I don't even find girls hot, I mean, I've literally publically made out with half of our year when it comes to the hot guys.."
A soft laugh leaves me as she stresses over her own image- of course she would stress over it, but I never thought this particular thing would stress her out. She's brushed off so much worse- all the accusations about her being a whore, the one time people started a rumour that she was a teen mom but got it aborted because she didn't want the baby of a football player. Every rumour had always been brushed off and, eventually, forgotten or even just shut down because people like her too much to listen to that sort of shit.
"Jenny, I really don't think you should lose sleep over it. People obviously know you're straight and, well, I have my eyes on Chip, you know?" I smile softly- Chip was cute, a little bit of an airhead sometimes but he was sweet and we'd been on a few dates. Nothing had really come of it just yet but.. I was hoping that he'd ask me out properly by Valentines day.
Jennifer's attention seems to snap to me almost immediately, a few different emotions playing out on her face as she processes what I just told her, "Chip? Seriously? Chip? You're interested in a guy named after a fucking food? I thought- I thought we talked about this, you know, when I told you he's a loser and you could do so, so much better than him?"
I sigh softly as I pull my hand away- but she just holds onto it a little bit more as her thumb continues to brush over the back of my hand, "Well, do you see any other guy interested in me, Jen? Seriously? It's the first time I've gotten anywhere close to dating a guy in forever and.. He's sweet to me. I thought you wouldn't have such a fit over it considering at least I won't be.. What was it again.. A spinster?" I eye her up and down- that had stung me before. In the middle of an argument, when I told her not to pursue this fucking meathead because he already had a girlfriend- and.. She said I was just mad because I'm a spinster at 18.
Her expression softens for a moment as I bring up her insult- and she let out a deep breath, "I said that when I was angry, I've said sorry like, three times already," She rolled her eyes, "But seriously, Chip? You don't know the first thing about being with anyone, let alone a guy. They like experience, Needy! You don't even know how to kiss!"
"I know how to kiss!" I shoot back quickly.
"The kiss you had with Hudson in the school fucking play when we were twelve doesn't count," She hissed back to me, "You and I both know you're a virgin with no actual experience, so how in the fuck are you going to handle it when he wants to make out or, fucking God forbid, actually have sex or head or something? You'll be like a fish out of water!"
"I can learn, Jennifer. Shocker, I know, but I can learn how to do all of that stuff. Chip doesn't even care about that right now! He hasn't made a proper move- he's kissed my cheek and stuff but, he hasn't done anything else yet!"
"Yet, that's the keyword. When he does? What are you going to do then?" She raised her eyebrows as she stared me down, "You are too pure for a man like him, Needy. He's going to come at you with some fucking sloppy, shitty open mouth kiss and you're going to freeze up like you allllways do, then when he loses interest do you know who you're going to come crying to? Me. Yeah, me!"
My jaw tightens for a moment as I stare at her, the audacity she has to talk to me this way- I've always let her walk right over me but this.. This stung. It was like this one chance I had to be with a guy I found remotely interesting was just being shot down by her and- and for what? Just because I'm inexperienced compared to her? I doubt Chip would even give a fuck but she clearly does! It's like she knows him when I know she knows jack shit about him, he's not even her type to go after and I don't even think they've ever talked before.
With a soft huff I lay down and turn away from her, glaring at my lamp like it had personally insulted me. There's a minute or two of silence and I can feel Jennifer's eyes on me as she lets out a sigh- finally, a noise within the room- and her hand comes up to gently run along my uncovered arm. Her touch just reminds me of how.. Bare I feel now. In nothing more than a tank top and some shorts just like Jennifer- gone were the days of wearing fluffy onesies together and talking about barbies, now it was all.. Talking about what boy she fucked, who she thinks is cute.. God, everything is always Jennifer. I've never really complained about it before, I don't have much to talk about- but the one time I do? She shuts me down?
"Needy," She whispered softly, "Don't be like that. You know I'm just trying to look out for you," Jennifer cooed softly as she leaned down, her lips against my ear, "Anita Lesnicki, you can't ignore me forever. We're best friends, do best friends ignore each other all the time?"
I keep my mouth in a straight line as her fingernails run against my skin softly, back and forth in this careful motion before she groaned at my silence- Jennifer wasn't someone who enjoyed being ignored, honestly it was like her kryptonite or something. She just loved to have the attention on her and pretty much all the time, I gave it to her.
"Anita," She whispered again, her body pressing against my back under the blankets as her arm draped around my waist in a way that made my heart thump, "You seriously can't be that upset with me right now. I'm just.. Worried that your lack of experience is going to end up with you heartbroken because Chip will expect you to put out and then you're going to get all nervy and not know what to do. Like, do you even know where you put.. It..?"
"Jennifer I'm not stupid, I've been to a sex ed class!" I sigh softly, turning to face her- and she smiled as she brushed the wisps of hair from my face, both of us basically entangled with each other as she laid there next to me, "Why are you so bothered about my experience? You don't even know Chip like I do."
"I know how boys are," She mumbled, "Sex ed is nothing like the real thing. They don't talk to you about.. The way the guy will grab at you, the way some kissing tends to go down. They don't talk about.. The moments where the hands start to wander and the way you're meant to react to it." Jennifer's tone is hushed as her hand traces my waist slowly, then up my arm in featherlight motions, "You've never even had like, a practice guy to do it all with to make sure you don't suck."
"A practice guy?" I echo softly, my mind far too focused on the way her fingers move up my arm, goosebumps slowly following each movement as I stare at her face, the way her lips slightly shine in the light of the lamp.
"Mhm," She smiled, her eyes catching mine, "I used to practice on Brad Doherty, the drama kid? This was when we were like, thirteen, because I wanted to be a better kisser for Mike." Her giggle is soft, nearly like a song, "You've done none of that, Needy. Not a single time."
"How can I do any of it when I have a best friend like you stood next to me? All of the guys flock to you, even if I did like, dress up or whatever, you still.. You just end up always getting the attention." A frown softly takes over my lips and she tuts, rolling her eyes at me like I'd said the stupidest thing in the world.
"You're a gorgeous girl, Anita, really. I don't.. Say it a lot, but I do think it. You hide behind cardigans but I see it more than others do in Devil's Kettle. I mean we do fashion shows at sleepovers and I'm like.. Sometimes I'm like speechless because when did you get so.. Hot?" She giggled, and then a soft gasp, "Oh my God, we totally do sound like dykes."
It makes me burst out laughing for a second as the realisation hit both of us- and then a fit of giggles poured out of us for a minute until we quietened ourselves down, sinking back into a nicer moment as the small bicker faded away into the background of the night.
"Maybe I'm just going to have to suck at kissing if I ever do go that far with Chip. I mean, someone has to be my first for everything eventually, right?" I stare at her, "It wouldn't be so bad if it was with him. Just because you don't find him cute enough doesn't mean I don't, Jen, I think you're just.. I think you're caught up on something that doesn't even matter so much."
(But oh, how it did matter to Jennifer. The way each mention of Chip dug at her heart mattered, the way that even considering Needy's first anything could be with someone else made her want to punch pillows and scream.)
"Well.." Jennifer slowly sounded out the word, "What if it.. Wasn't with him?" Her eyes settled on me for a moment, scanning my face for anything other than the curiosity that had dawned on it slowly.
"What do you mean?" I mumble, "Do you think Brad would practice with me?"
"God, Needy, don't get that desperate now. He's been around the town a few times since we were thirteen- trust me, don't go down that road," She giggled, "I'm just sayingggg.. You could use the practice, right? Like, seriously could use the practice..?"
"I mean.. If you think it's such a big deal then.. Maybe? But I don't really think going to another guy when I actually kind of have a thing for Chip is the right thing to do, Jenny, I just.. I don't want to fuck this up by doing something with another guy and then Chip finding out and dumping me before we're even dating." I sigh softly, "Like what would even be the point then? Wouldn't it be best if I just go slow instead of, you know, becoming some easy makeout for some sleazy guy?"
Jennifer let out a soft sigh, "Well yeah but I wasn't exactly.. Talking about a guy. Any guy."
My eyebrows furrowed slowly as I stare at her- and I don't even know why but my eyes wandered over to my stuffed bears that surely do not want to be target practice for whatever shitty kissing I could muster up, until her hand gently caressed the side of my face and my heart suddenly made itself very known.
"Jennifer?" The name comes out as a whisper- and she stares at me with an almost uncertain smile.
"I mean.. Girls do worse things together, right?" She offered, "And.. Like, there's always that sort of thing that happens at sleepovers. It'll be like.. playing boyfriend and girlfriend again or something, but.. If you can use the practice, I'd be more than willing to help you, Needy. What are friends for otherwise? Plus think about it, I know how to kiss better than anyone else in Devil's Kettle. I could probably charge hundreds for what I'm offering right now but youuu.. You are special to me and I just want to.. To help you, even just a little. For you and Chip?"
I can feel the blush that rises to my cheeks as her words sink in- and Jennifer Check just asked me if I'd like to practice kissing with her. Maybe not in those exact words but the implication was there- and the implication was enough for my curiosity to raise. The implication was enough for me to think back to all those times I could swear I felt just a little bit envious of each new boyfriend that would make out with her in the halls.
"It's as easy as dancing, Needy," She whispered as she scooted just a little bit closer, to where I could smell the remnants of her minty toothpaste on her breath, the cherry lipgloss that had nearly faded from her lips, "I taught you how to dance, too, on a sleepover. Those cheers we rehearsed? It's just like that."
"It is?" I whisper back to her softly as her thumb brushes against my cheek, then down across my lower lip as she nods slowly, her eyes zero'd in on my mouth like she was staring at a prize she hadn't yet had her hands on, "This isn't like.. A set up, right? You're not going to like get close to it and then pull away and- and call me a dyke or something for even considering it?"
Jennifer softly shakes her head, "No tricks, no making fun of you. I just want to help and it's like, fitting, really. I'm the one who takes your first kiss anddd it's all in the name of practice and helping out my best friend. It's not like I'll ever tell anyone either, you know? We're.. Exploring things and I'm helping you and.. It's just one of those things girls do sometimes. Like, in college? You always hear about the girls that experiment in college. We can just get a head-start."
I don't know how long it took for me to think things through- the offer she was making- but it must have been a while because the only thing that brought me back to the matter at hand was her fingers tapping on my cheek to get me back to reality, the reality that she had literally just asked me to.. Explore with her, all in the name of helping me out.
(Jennifer had never felt so nervous in her life, really- each second that Needy went without telling her what she was thinking about was another second she wished she had just kept her mouth shut instead. There was no going back now, and she had been wanting this for longer than she thought possible. Now that it was in her reach, why back out when things could go exactly how she wanted them to?)
"Needy?" She whispered, "We don't have to-"
"I want to," I cut her off softly, "I think it could be.. Good for me. I don't trust anyone more than I trust you and I know you'll treat me right so.. So what would be the harm, you know? I know you're a safe person to do literally anything with so.. So I think I could, like, explore with you. I guess, if you still want to.."
The silence between us is heavy as she lets out a soft breath, like she was letting out so much stress in one go that I could literally see the weight leave her body as a soft smile broke out onto her gorgeous face, "I knew you'd see it the right way. You're just.. Smart like that, you get what I'm trying to do here. We're not.. Not freaks or anything. We're not being gay we're just.. Doing normal stuff. Just pretend that I'm Chip and.. I'll show you how to do things that he'll like."
I don't even get a chance to agree as she moves closer- a moment of hesitation before she leans in- and.. She doesn't go right for my lips. Instead she leans down to kiss against my jawline, each press of her lips almost like she's hardly there and I.. Sink into it. Each time I feel her lips against my skin feels like she's blessing me with an intimacy we've never had even though we've cuddled before, even though I've seen her naked and vice versa- this just feels.. Different. More electric, like these kisses are truly meant for me without the excuse of experimenting. Her lips work along my skin as she lowers down to my neck and slowly pushes me onto my back- and one of her legs hooks over my waist before she's straddling me, her breath hot each time she pulls ever so slightly away to trail kisses further against my neck, over my throat.
It's almost like worship, each press of her lips is followed by a soft noise from the back of her throat before her tongue darts out to lick against my skin- and a soft giggle comes after, "Vanilla body scrub? I thought you mainly use passionfruit?"
"I got a different one," I whisper back, my voice hoarse from anticipation as her eyes flicker up to me, a grin curling on her lips.
"I like it," She responded, "Your skin is so soft, Needy, it.. It feels so perfect, you know?"
The compliment makes butterflies erupt inside of my stomach, her hands inching up my tanktop, fingertips grazing against my abdomen before they're gone from under the fabric, running along the top of it before she dips her head back down and continues her light, playful affections against my collarbone. A particular flick of her tongue against the nape of my neck makes me giggle, and I can feel the curve of her smile as she makes her way back up and slightly shifts her hips in a way that makes me groan softly.
"Careful now, Needy," She teased me, "Those kinds of noises should be for Chip only."
"Oh, fuck you, you know what you're doing." I shot back at her as those plump lips started to trail back up my neck, her tongue dragging a path up to my jaw before she kissed along to the corner of my lips- I could almost feel the absoloute giddiness radiating off of her right now.
(This was Jennifer's dream come true, really. She was about to taste.. Everything she wanted.)
Her lips hover over mine- so close that if I leaned my head up it'd connect but.. I wanted her to bridge the gap. I peek my eyes open slowly and she's just staring at me with this triumphant smile on her face, my eyebrows knit together as I watch her in curiosity, "Why did you stop?"
"Ask me to kiss you." Jennifer's tone wasn't a question, nor a suggestion. It was a demand, a want, that she seemed to expect to happen promptly. I don't know why, exactly, she wants to hear it from me so bad if we're just practicing but in all honesty the way she commanded me left a warmth flooding through my body at an embarrassingly fast rate, "Don't make me tell you again, Anita."
My breath catches in my throat for a moment before I chew on my bottom lip- her eyes catch on that for a second, "Please kiss me, Jennifer Check."
"Perfect."
The word leaves her lips in a smug purr- before she finally leaned in to give me what I asked for. Her lips are softer on my own, perfectly plump with just a hint of that cherry as she started out slow and careful, clashing against my fumbling of going either too fast or too slow at first before my mind catches up with the pace she was setting. Our lips worked together in almost a harmony as she let out this perfect little hum, the only sound in the room being our lips working against each other or the small breaks between where one of us needed to catch our breaths.
Slowly, but noticably, her hips started to move. A small rhythm, back and forth, but the friction of the shorts we were wearing made my head spin each time her hips would rock back.. And then forth.. And then back again. There was this slight moan that left her each time she'd rock forwards and I don't know what possessed me but my hands moved to her hips, holding on wearily as I tried to guide her more. Whatever possessed me seemed to spur her on more as she pulled away to catch her breath and gasp softly, a more pronounced grind against my core that made me groan- only for her hand to fly up to my mouth as she tutted.
"We need to be quiet, Needy," She whispered to me, eyes shining with want, "Be a good girl and be quiet while I teach you what it means to feel good."
Pathetically, I nod so fast that I might've turned into some sort of bobble head- and she giggled before uncovering my mouth, replacing her hand with her lips in a kiss that was.. Rougher. Much rougher. Each time she pressed her lips further against mine I could swear it'd leave a bruise, but I desperately chased it anyway- in need of more, wanting more from her. Her lips caught my bottom lip- and then her teeth lightly bit down and tugged it away before letting go with a soft noise as she licked her lips and stared down at me, her hips moving languidly as her chest heaved with her ragged breaths.
"Feels good, right?" She stared at me, expecting me to be able to think straight enough to respond with words- but all I could do was nod, "More?"
"More.." I near begged her- and she smiled so wide that I don't think I'd ever seen her so pleased.
Jennifer's way of kissing, I come to realise very quickly, is that she is possessive, demanding and oh so all-encompassing. When she wants something she really manages to take it from you- and that's exactly what she was doing to me. Her lips were on mine in an instant as her grinding became more pronounced, her tongue flicking at my lower lip before I took the hint and opened my mouth to let her in- and she tasted of mint the moment her tongue dipped into my mouth. She swirled her tongue around before it slowly flicked against my own and I started to reciprocate, a little clumsily in all honesty. Each time my tongue would brush against hers I felt the pulse between my legs throb more- only made worse each time her hips would move and catch me in the right way that I couldn't help but moan into her mouth.
Her hands had decided they had enough at my shoulders- and they snaked down under my tank top again but with more urgency, inching up my body as her perfect nails scraped against my skin and made my back arch, only for her to push me down and keep me still while she worked at me the way she saw fit. They crept up to my chest until the warmth of her skin hit my bare breasts, nipples hardened from all of the grinding, the kissing, the way that she had so very clearly dug deep into my soul and settled herself there, pulled forth a wanting that I never knew possible.
"Anita," She moaned into my mouth before her tongue dipped back inside, her mouth working against my lips as if she were starving, starved of me. Imagine that- Jennifer Check, starved of anything? But starved of me, my presence? My lips? My body? Of me..?
"Jennifer," I gasp out as she pulled away for a moment to kiss at my neck, her fingers moving to roll against my nipples, rubbing against them slowly as she kissed against my jaw again, then my neck, "How is- is this practice?" The words come out in little more than a moan, her head lifting up, her eyes lidded and drowzy with lust.
"Because, I say it's practice. Are you going to make me stop?" Her eyes seem to cut into me, even though she's not even glaring.
"God, no!" My reply comes so fast it feels dizzying, and I know it's pathetic but.. The way she grinned at me left me with no regrets.
"Then be quiet. Let. Me. Make. You. Feel. Good." Each word is punctuated with a rough kiss against my neck before her hands move, tugging up my tank top- and I assist her, obviously, in getting the damned thing off of me. The air is cold as it hits me and I shiver, but it doesn't take long to warm up under the way her eyes eat me up- and how have I never noticed that she's always stared at my body like that? How has it never hit me that.. She may have wanted this for longer than just tonight? She lets out a smooth sigh as her nails rake along my chest, her fingers finding my nipples once more as she pinches lightly and makes me jolt, "You are so beautiful, Anita Lesnicki," She cooed out softly, "You are so stupid for ever thinking that any guy was worth being your first anything."
"How long.. Have you wanted..?" I start softly- not wanting to insinuate anything she might find offensive. All she does, though, is give a low laugh before she dragged her hips against me once more, cruelly slow but awfully good at putting a point across without words behind it just yet.
"Longer than I want to admit, I guess," Jennifer responded gently, "Can I.. Kiss you.. Here?" Her fingers trail against my chest- and I nod slowly, "And.. Here..?" Again, her fingers trail down to my abdomen, over my belly button and to the rim of my shorts- and again, I nod. My heart thumps wildly, near begging for her to do as she asks.
"What about... Here..?" Jennifer trails her fingers down to the front of my shorts and over my clothed core- and I let out a soft groan as she rubs against me over the thin satin I was wearing, "I need words, Needy."
"Please," I whisper out, "Yes- Yes, please, please!"
"Who knew you were such a good girl?" Jennifer's tone was teasing and light- but God did it make my stomach churn with desire as those tones came out more sultry than Jennifer probably wanted it to. Her fingers slowly dipped to trace against the outline of my panties against the satin of the shorts, "Off or on?"
"Off- off, please, off," I respond so fast that it makes my head spin- and Jennifer, ever the giving soul (as if), complied with my beg and tugged the shorts off.. And it was mortifying to feel the cold air of the room cling to the wetness of my panties. My eyes screwed shut as her eyes roamed against me- I could feel her staring at me- but soon her fingers were back to my panties, tracing the outline of my slit as the fabric clung to my core desperately.
"I'll go slow at first," She whispered softly, "Tell me if it's too much?"
With a small nod, I peek out as I hear the rustling of clothes- and I get the most beautiful view of Jennifer removing her own tank top, those perky and perfect breasts with stiff nipples that I had the overwhelming urge to touch.. And then her shorts came off too, only for her to straddle me once more. The feeling of her damp core against my own was almost breathtaking, until she started rocking her hips once more and that only made my struggle to breathe that much worse.
"You like what you see?" Jennifer stared down at me with a shit eating grin, her eyes watching the way I eat her up. I can't help myself, really, when I have someone like her ontop of me, practically naked, grinding against me. The toned flat of her stomach flexing each time she rocked her hips forwards once more before she shuddered and let out a soft moan, "Oh Needy, Needy, Needy, Needy. I've wanted.. Wanted you for so long.. And now I get to have you? Before Chip fucking Dove can? You don't know how much it means to me." She uttered each word with such reverance that it made my heart thump- pronounced and desperate for attention.
I realise she's looking for an answer to her question when her hips start to still- and that perfect pleasure had slowly faded, leaving me foggy-minded and all but consumed with the want for her to continue again.
"Anita Lesnicki, I asked you a question and I want an answer." Her tone is expectant, a little strict but still soft as she stared down at me. She never did like it when I was too preoccupied to answer her, to give her attention.
"I love what I see," I breathe out through my still ragged breaths, my hands moving from her hips to trail the tips of my fingers up her abdomen slowly. Touching her felt like a sin, touching her like this anyway. As if I were one of her boyfriends that she graced with the opportunity but I wasn't.. Maybe I was more than them, Jennifer always did say that boys were just placeholders.. I take a second to gather my thoughts, whichever thoughts were left in my mind as my hands creep up her body to slowly, hesitantly grasp at those perfect tits of hers. They fit well in my hands, maybe like they were meant to, and I slowly run my fingers over her nipples as a shiver runs through her, "I can't believe we're doing this. Like, that you're doing this with me. I always thought you were pretty but this- this is something that I maybe considered like, twice.."
"You thought about this?" She whispered softly as she arched her back into my hands, her own coming up to ghost against mine before pressing them further against her chest, guiding me to slowly grope and caress her tits as her hips shuddered forwards in a harsh grinding motion, "What did you think.. Think about?"
"Do you remember that.. That time we had that one sleepover and you- you kept.." It's hard for me to focus when she keeps pressing my hands against her body, the way her breaths were becoming shallow and her eyes were focused on me as if I were the only thing she could bring herself to care about, "You kept teasing me about being a lesbigay because- because everyone thought we were dating? And you said that I'd probably get on my knees and beg you to kiss me if you told me to? And even though I-I got upset, even though you were being mean about it.. I did consider it for a second 'cause.. 'Cause who wouldn't do that for you?"
Jennifer's lips turned upwards into a grin as she leaned down and stole a kiss from my lips- fast, rough, wanting- before she leaned back again, "So you thought about being on your knees for me? Wow, Needy, who knew you had that kind of side to you." She giggled, and her soft teasing brought another shade of red to my cheeks.
"Oh come on Jennifer, as if you- you haven't thought about me like that before this," My throat is hoarse as I try to push out any response with some sort of bite back- but it comes out pathetically wanting as I search her face for any hints that she had felt like this- and for a moment I swear I see her blush before she rolls her eyes at me and leans down to kiss against my neck, then my collarbone, then down to my tits. Her tongue darts out against my left nipple and the moan that leaves me is raw and terribly wanting, I can feel her lips smirk against my skin.
"Maybe I have," She whispered against my skin as her tongue swirled against the nipple slowly, like she was enjoying a sweet treat, "Maybe I thought about that cute little ass of yours sometimes, or were you looking for something sweeter? Want me to tell you that I hate the idea of you going out with Chip?"
"Ugh, this again?" I whine softly as she lightly bites my tit, not enough to truly hurt before she wraps her lips around my nipple and lightly sucks for a moment, letting go with a soft 'pop.'
"I just don't get it, Needy! I really don't. He's kind of just.. Plain. You're plain but he's like saltine cracker plain. I just don't get what he has that you want," She sighs as she trails her tongue to my right tit, giving it just the right amount of attention to keep me wanting during this little conversation of ours.
"I think he's-he's sweet and.. And at least he wants me," I mumble as her tongue flicks my nipple, pulling a soft moan from me, "At least he thinks I'm cute enough to ask me out and- and, this is all for him anyway so- so why are you so bothered if you offered to help me?"
Jennifer's tongue stopped moving as she sat up with a sigh- and the way she looked at me was sad, almost. As if there were things she wanted to say to me but couldn't, her mouth opened for a moment before shutting again and her hands moved up my body slowly before she cupped my face, my heart racing in my chest at this soft display of wordless affection. Her eyes screamed a story I couldn't decipher before she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips- much softer than the others she gave me. She kissed me like this was.. Sweet, loving, like this was normal for us. I melted into it, honestly, and our lips moved together in perfect harmony. A part of me never knew that kissing could've ever felt so good, I never knew that I could feel so connected to someone like this before. Wherever she ended, I began and wherever I began, she ended. We seemed to intertwine in the moment, like our souls were made of the same exact thing for just a second until she pulled away and licked her lips, trying to savour every last drop of my taste.
"I just think that you deserve better," Jennifer whispered, "I'm better than Chip, literally the scum on the street is better than Chip. I don't get why you want to throw away your first anything for a guy so.. Lame."
A sigh leaves me- such a nice, tender moment ruined by her hatred for Chip for no reason at all. She doesn't even know him, she doesn't talk to him! She doesn't know the way he smells a little like oranges, the way he looks down before he's going to say something cheesy but cute. He's the opposite of Jennifer- he's sweet and lovely and so kind and.. Jennifer is demanding and cruel sometimes and she can be so isolating until she's the only thing around me. She can feel like the very air I breathe and I honestly think she likes that she takes up so much of my attention.
"Maybe you're just getting defensive because you won't be the only thing in my life anymore, I think you're jealous of Chip Dove! I think you can't stand the fact that I will have someone other than you for once, for the first time in fuck knows how long and you, Jennifer Check, want to be front and center in everyone's life but especially mine. You have this- this obsession with me!" I accuse her- and the way her eyes narrowed should've screamed out danger to me as she grabbed onto my face, her perfect nails digging into my skin ever so slightly, "You are just so obsessed with me you can't help yourself! Ever since you met me you've had this claim over me, Jennifer, and maybe for once in my life I want to be someone elses!"
"You will never belong to someone else," Jennifer hissed out, "You are my Needy. You and I are one and the same and you have known that for so long so what's the point of denying it now? Every time we've held hands, every time we've cuddled- every single fucking time we've looked at each other we have belonged to each other. You can't lay there under me, naked and wanting and so fucking wet that I can feel it right now and say anything else to me! You are just trying to deflect because you know that Chip fucking Dove will never ever compare to what you know I can give you." The venom that was spat out from her was palpable, each word fully believed by her as if they were law.
"Just say you're fucking jealous and maybe we can just forget about all of this!" I huff out as she squeezed against my face once more, her other hand trailing down my body slowly before her fingers reach the edge of my panties and I swear I feel the air leave my lungs as they slowly dip under the panty line, "Jennifer- Jennifer, just say that you're jealous and we can go to sleep." I try- but I don't even want to sleep. I want her to touch me. I want her touch to consume me like I've never known anything else before her and I will never know anything after her. Even if I pretend to hate her I know more than anything that in the deepest depths of my very being I want her to love me, I want her to want me. I have never wanted anything more than I want Jennifer Check and it becomes so obvious so quickly that I feel dizzy.
"I don't want to go to sleep, Needy, I want to fucking taste you and I want to fuck you and that's exactly what I'm going to do," She snapped out as her fingers dipped lower and finally found exactly what all of this had done to me, the wetness that slicked on her fingers each time they pushed through to my core and slowly circled against my clit- and this feeling was fucking perfect. My hips immediately move to chase after her rhythm as I let out a soft moan and she slowly shifts off of me to get a better angle, letting go of my face to tug my panties down as I lift my hips up to aid her- and the soft coo she lets out makes my stomach flip, "God, Needy, how turned on are you right now?"
"Mfh.. Shut the fuck up," I groan as her fingers circle and rub against my clit quickly- before they disappear. I whine as I stare at her, as I watch her put them into her mouth and moan at the taste of me. Jennifer looked like the epitome of sex right now and I wanted more. She allows me the sight of her tongue moving around both of the digits she had been using before her hand lowered back down to her own panties, moving them to the side as I stare at her perfectly shaved pussy and the wetness that glistened there. She slowly gathered her own wetness and brought her fingers to my mouth.
"Open," She whispered, "I want you to get the taste of what nobody else has managed to do to me. All of those fucking guys had me bone dry but you, baby? Oh you get me so fucking wet it's insane." Her words were honeyed sin and I was happily indulging, opening my mouth as she pushed her fingers in my mouth and grinned as my tongue moved against them, my cheeks hollowing out as I suck on them slowly, "You're such a good girl, Needy, you're so perfect." And she said it so soft, that last word, like a prayer- or more like a law, as if it were written into ancient texts that were believed around the world. As if she believed it, down to her very core. Jennifer Check, the almighty of Devil's Kettle, thought I was perfect.
The way that her words stoke that fire within me more should bring me shame but it only leads me to wanting her even more, criminally more. I groan around her fingers as she pushes them slightly more into my mouth just a little bit, pressing them down onto my tongue before she pulled them out of my mouth and licked my own saliva off of her fingers with a soft hum, then back down they go to rub through my core before she plays with my clit again with a languid smile, like she could do this forever. I wish she would. I wish she would touch me like this from now until forever- until our bones would be discovered one day, intertwined with each other like we always have been. Maybe some stupid historian would stare at us and say we were just close friends if that'd ever happen- but they wouldn't have lived it like I have, they wouldn't know that we are made of the same things, that we are always going to be together, bound by souls.
It sounds obsessive, I know, and maybe it is- but who could not be obsessed with her? The way her lips are soft and always glossy with that cherry chapstick, the way her hair is always shiny and perfect- the way her lips curl slightly whenever she's staring at me in class, or even the way she waves at me when she does cheer like I'm the only person in the crowd. How could I not obsess over her? How could I not love the way that she showers me with attention, even when she's being cruel I know that her eyes are on me in the moment- and I obsess over having her gaze on me.
It's pitiful to try and think that I ever wanted to sever the tie with her. Even though I know I deserve my own freedom away from Jennifer, who would I even be without her but half a woman? When she so perfectly fits against me, when she so perfectly fills all of my missing gaps with her personality? She's always been there, for as long as I can remember now. Wherever Anita Lesnicki goes, Jennifer Check is usually in front of her or beside her, well, me, but in this tense, her.
I gasp at the feeling of two fingers slowly entering me and it pulls me back to reality, my eyes snapping towards her face and she is so transfixed on me right now that it's hypnotising. She cooes and shushes my small little whimpers as her fingers slowly push further, stretching me out just a little before she presses a soft kiss to my abdomen.
"Breathe, Needy, it's okay. You act like you've never.." Jennifer eyed me carefully before a smirk broke out onto her face, "You're kidding, right?"
"I-I've touched myself before! Maybe not.. Like, this, but.. I've touched myself, Jennifer, don't give me that stupid little smirk like I'm some fucking virgin nun or something," I hiss out as she giggles, pushing her fingers in to the knuckle and curling in a way that makes me groan, "Shit.."
Jennifer grinned as she curled her fingers in a soft rhythm, kissing along my abdomen and then up to my chest as her tongue flicked against my nipple slowly, agonisingly slowly, "You know," She drawled out, "I think you should get the.. Full experience with me first. I mean, who knows you better than I do? I'm sure that if we figure out what you like now then you won't have to worry about it with Chip. So if he fucks up.. You just tell him what you like- or I can tell him exactly what you like. I'd love to see the look on his squirrely little face.. Ugh." She gently bit my nipple- enough to make me wince- before giving it a soothing kiss as an apology.
"This isn't- Isn't the full experience?" My breath catches in my throat as she curls her fingers again, my head rolling back onto the bed as a thin moan rips through me. How was this not the full experience? How was there MORE after this that she wanted to do with me?
"Oh, baby," Jennifer cooed as her tongue trailed against my nipple, taking it into her mouth briefly and giving a harsh suck before she let go, "Of course this isn't the full experience.. You don't really think I'd give you two pumps of my fingers and we'd be done, right? No, now that I have you I.. I really want to taste you." Her voice is desperate, even though I can tell she's trying to hide it I can hear the way her words snag as her fingers slowly pull out of me only for her to sink them back in, each time she'd curl them my mouth would open but nothing would leave me. It took an ache in my chest for me to realise I needed to breathe, and slowly I exhale a shakey breath as my eyes find hers.
Her eyes are wanting. Purely wanting. Obsessively wanting. Her head had dipped down to rest on my chest while her lips were slightly parted, still glistening in her spit from where she had been practically attacking my tits with her mouth. I don't know if she'd taken her eyes off of me at any point during tonight, I'd be surprised if she'd looked away from me for even a second. The feeling of her fingers inside of me, still taking their sweet time with pumping in and out and those slight curls of her fingers that would bring me right back to soft moans leaving me, the way my heart thumped in my chest- it was all so much, yet not enough at the same time.
I knew she wanted more from me, she said it herself. She said she wanted to taste me and.. God.. I want her to taste me too.
"Please taste me." I whisper, measured and slow, trying to keep my own desperation at bay as her lips curl up into a grin like she had just heard the best news of her life. Jennifer wasted no time, not even a second as she slowly trailed hot kisses down my body, over my stomach before she stuck her tongue out and trailed it across the mound leading down to my core. The feeling of the trail of wetness she left behind as she dragged her tongue felt chilled to the air in my room, no more chilled than the cost breath she decided to breathe against my soaked pussy, bare to the world as the direct breath hit my clit in a way that made me gasp.
"I feel like I'm starving," Jennifer whispered as her eyes flickered back up to me, and of course now was the time where she finally wasn't looking at me face, of course it was when she was about to devour me like I was the only thing she'd ever wanted to taste in her life, "I'm going to make sure the taste of you never leaves my tongue, do you understand me, Anita? Every time you look at me from this moment on, you're going to feel the ghost of my fingers inside of you. You're going to feel the way my tongue moved against you. Even when you're with him, you're going to think of me and me alone." She hissed out, and before I could even get a word out she'd moved forwards and licked a long stripe against my core. Her tongue seemed to just.. Memorise me, the way that she flicked it against my clit before swirling it around, lapping against me and dragging through my pussy like she was trying to eat me whole.
My back arched and my mouth opened in a silent scream while her nails on her free hand dug into my hips, dragging me further down onto her tongue, onto her fingers as she buried them into me harshly, curling before she fucked me with them. So perfectly sinful that I couldn't even think properly, the feeling of her tongue and- and is she spelling her fucking name out with her tongue against my clit right now?!
I feel the 'J' slowly trace into me, her eyes pinned on me as I stare down at her in shock and I can feel her smile against me as she drags out the 'E' next, my chest heaving as she gave a harsh suck to my clit that, I swear to God- made my head spin for a moment before she traced an 'N' and then another 'N'.
"You're going to kill me!" I whine softly, but her nails dig into my skin once more and I wince at the sharp sting.
"Be quiet," She mumbled against me, the feeling of a third finger made me squirm before she slowly pushed that inside too and the stretch, the warm and the fullness made me want to sob in the best possible way, "I'm trying to focus, Needy, you're not helping."
"You're not giving me a fucking.. Mngh.. A break!" I'm cut off by a moan and she has the nerve to snicker at me as her tongue went back to spelling out her own name- a long lick against my soaked core and I just fucking know that's the 'I' in her name, only proving my theory when her tongue swirls around to make the 'F' and then the 'E' and 'R'. She's a fucking devil but holy shit if it wasn't the best thing I'd ever felt in my life. The moment she was done spelling out her name her lips wrapped around my clit, her tongue flicking before she'd suck momentarily, then back to swiping her tongue against me and filling me completely with her fingers before I could feel the building pleasure, the point of no fucking return as I tense against her fingers.
"You're going to cum? Already?" She mumbled against me, mocking and low as she hummed against me in a way that made my eyes tug back into my head, "Part of me wants to make you beg for it but.. I'll play nice for tonight, baby, you can just let go.."
It didn't take more than that for me to cum, the feeling of euphoria flooding through my body as my back arched and she licked up everything I gave and then some, the way her fingers would curl made me shudder over how sensitive I was. She wasn't cruel, though, and she did eventually pull away just to curl up next to me, her unused fingers brushing hair out of my face. I could feel her eyes on me, observing me.. I don't know why she'd stare at me so much, I really still can't.. Believe that she's wanted me like this.
The feeling of her sinking into my side, her head resting on my chest while her hand moved across my abdomen slowly sent me into this state of relaxation I didn't even know was possible, the warmth of her fitting so perfectly against me. She always did fit perfectly against me.. From early sleepovers, to leaning against each other whenever we were watching a movie.. From her being next to me in classes or even the way she'd rest her hip against mine when stood with me at my locker.. Jennifer was moulded into me- or was I moulded into her? It just seemed.. Impossible to think of a life without her by my side.
Yet as I blink away the nostalgia, she fades from my mind. The conversation that followed our first time had become foggy, my room is empty with nobody but myself here. There is no Jennifer Check by my side, there is no other half. It is simply me, alone, in my bed with the cold emptiness next to me now. She won't smile at me again, the hand across my abdomen is merely a ghost now and so is the feeling of her lips on my body. There will never be another late night 'Needy..?' when she wanted to wake me up, there won't even be a snide comment about Chip ever again.
There is an Anita Lesnicki without a Jennifer Check after all, and God is she miserable.