Chapter Text
There were barely two weeks left until winter break rolled to an end. Most college students were savoring the final days before the grind began. Avery was reaching acceptance. He put his grief within the heavy snowfall of Connecticut and with the sudden downpour of rain last Thursday (or was it Tuesday?), his grief began slowly thawing alongside the iced roads.
If someone told Avery at the beginning of his winter holiday that he’d grieve for someone he barely just met, he’d splutter and say, “Nah, bro. That’s giving tragic summer fling rom-com energy. I’m so single you don’t even know.”
Now, Avery was slowly shuffling down a sidewalk in his winter coat. He didn’t need to be outside, but this morning when he woke up, he felt the need to exit his small apartment. Get out there for a while, remind himself that there’s a world outside of that dark circular platform he watched get farther and farther away. Far above him stood the digital avatar of humanity’s silent savior, alone.
Avery shuddered at the thought and wrapped his coat tighter against himself. This was the worst he’s felt in possibly his whole life, but then again he rarely let himself be ‘sad’. There was always something to look forward to, even if everyone around him had more important priorities and even if he was far, far away from home.
This time was different because Avery was the reason D3rlord3, somebody important to him, was gone. This time, he could only wait until the grey of the sky bled into blue and somehow, the world began expanding around Derek’s final letter.
“I just don’t want to be forgotten.” D3rlord3 had written.
Every night as he lay in bed, Avery would see him. A man without a face, without a proper form hunched in front of his computer as he used the last of his consciousness to write a letter. Avery imagined how painful it must’ve been. Derek knowing every fractal within existence, rubbing his hands together, feeling the world around him as much as he could to remind himself that he was real. Understanding that he was to die knowing everyone without anyone knowing him. Derek had spent his last minutes alone in a dark room with nothing but a computer and a splitting headache, hoping that Avery would remember him.
Avery promised to remember him forever. How could he ever forget? D3rlord3 was the only person who had ever put Avery first in mind. The first person to tell him he was special. And Avery wished he didn’t.
The end of January was approaching. D3rlord3’s letter remained in his eyes like a persistent after-image. Avery was very obviously still moping, and he didn’t want to game to help himself because pressing the “WASD” keys reminded him of his helpless free-fall away from D3rlord3. To compensate, Avery forced himself into the most crowded areas of the streets to hear the voices of people who were alive.
Avery rounded the bend of the sidewalk he was following and brushed past a crowd of people pooling around a crosswalk. It was a Wednesday afternoon and so there shouldn’t be this much people here, but hey, Avery was cool with strangers.
He was about to exit the crowd when all of a sudden, his frost-bitten ears caught onto a strange commotion on the other side of the red light. He didn’t bring his glasses with him and so he had to squint to catch the subject of the clamor.
There was some dude rushing around the place, trying to grab people's shoulders. The man in question looked absolutely fucked, with wild hair and a matted unshaven beard. Through Avery’s blurred vision, he looked like he might just blip out of existence. Avery gave the scene a sorrowful glance, wondering if he should go over and give the man some money.
But then again, there were so many druggies here. From experience, most of the druggies he gave money to ended up caving in and spending it all on drugs anyways. This was surely just another case of the same thing. I bet D3rlord3 would know how to solve this stupid useless drug policy and this horrible system that preys on the weak. Avery thought.
He took another look at the homeless man, just in time to see him crumple to the ground in a heap of skin and bones. A middle aged woman was backing away from him, fists unfurling as she held her child close to her body.
The crowd of people on Avery’s side of the crosswalk had begun to murmur as the scene unfolded across from them.
“Do not TOUCH my kid!” The woman audibly shouted, her daughter visibly distressed.
The man attempted to scramble to his feet, but toppled over again. Avery winced. Maybe he should go over and help. Yeah, he should go and help. He maneuvered his was to the front of the crowd and waited, antsy, for the light to turn green.
“Some crazy guy..” Avery heard someone whisper. You don’t know what’s going on in their lives. He thought to himself.
“Probably another one of them.”
“Feel bad for him.”
“Why do you feel bad for him?”
“He’s probably an addict.”
“Schizophrenia, I bet, he kept telling people they can’t turn left.”
Avery stilled.
He stared at the man across the crosswalk, stumbling feebly as he heaved from the punch in his gut. The world blurred around Avery, the splotches of people fading into the backdrop of his consciousness.
“Left?”
Before Avery could register his movements, he was sprinting across the road, heedless of the metal machines that could send him flying at any moment.
Car tires burned as Avery barreled across the road. The hollers of angry drivers accompanied the wind behind him, but Avery’s senses were wholly detached from whatever his body was doing.
D3rlord3. That has to be D3rlord3. He’s not dead; how is he not dead? How is he here? What are the chances that he lives in the area I do? This is not real at all. Avery’s mind spun like a broken cassette, repeating the same words in his head over and over again. D3rlord3 is alive. He’s here and he’s alive. Alive.
“DEREK!” Avery shouted, lungs aching from the cold dryness of January air. A million burning emotions he didn’t have a name for. If his voice tore, he didn’t notice.
On the ground, the man’s head snapped up. Dark, swollen and bloodshot eyes locked onto Avery’s and the man’s hands dropped from his likely bruised abdomen. His shoulders visibly relaxed and for a split second, the world froze in time with the only thing moving being Avery.
This man who was D3rlord3 mouthed something Avery couldn’t see clearly. “Avery” he seemed to be saying, “Avery.”
Just as the lights turned Green and Avery was two leaps away, D3rlord3’s eyes rolled back.
Avery lunged forwards, skin skidding raw on cold rough concrete, just in time to catch Derek’s head before it smashed onto the ground. Avery was too late to catch his arms though, and Derek’s left elbow slammed against the concrete with a faint crack. The sound rattled the bones in Avery’s ears and he flinched, a sour guilt creeping into his chest.
D3rlord3— no, Derek’s head was warm against Avery’s cold hands. He wore nothing but a long sleeved dark brown shirt with an old worn band logo and dirty jeans. His fingertips were blue from the cold. But despite that and the obvious frostbite on his face, his skin burned wherever Avery touched.
Avery felt for a pulse on his neck, too afraid to touch his definitely fractured arm. Derek’s breath came out in very shallow even huffs, which Avery noted as probably a good sign, but his body was shivering despite being unconscious. Was he going to die? Avery didn’t know much about hypothermia, but he knew that Derek looked very close to becoming a popsicle and that was definitely bad.
In the corner of his vision, Avery noticed droplets of red on the ground. Frantic, he felt Derek’s forehead, trying to find any signs of injury. Then, Derek’s hair brushed against the back of Avery’s hand and realized the blood was his.
The skin on back of his hands hung loose from his lunge, bleeding onto the snowy grounds around them. A few droplets wet Derek’s matted mop of hair and Avery dabbed it dry with his coat sleeve. The white fabric bloomed red, vibrant like D3rlord3’s cape.
For a long moment of complete silence, Avery wondered if he could trust this reality. Derek died. Avery heard him fall over and take his last breath in the audio behind his goodbye letter. Avery has been having vivid dreams for a while, so what if this was just another one? Would he wake up in his bed, sweating, with the warmth of Derek’s body lingering in his arms? Would he have to continue another day knowing he was so close to being reunited with the man that would haunt him forever?
Avery knelt there on the rough sidewalk, unaware of the few people who stalled around him, wondering if they should leave him alone or ask him if he needed assistance. He was finally snapped out of his numbness when someone tapped him on his shoulder.
He turned around, head foggy and hands still cradling Derek’s upper body. A small group of college aged girls stared at him in concern and slight awkwardness. One of them was one the phone and the other set a pack of tissues beside him.
“Hey, uh, we called an ambulance.” One of the girls informed him. “Is he…alive?”
“He’s alright. He’s alright.” Avery said quickly, voice coming out constricted. He nodded to himself, staring at the intersection where cars flew by without a care in the world.
When Avery’s body was finally in his control again, he shifted so that Derek was lying on his lap. He carefully wrapped him in his coat and held him close, hoping his exhales would pass some warmth onto his face so they didn’t have to cut off his ears or something.
When the ambulance finally arrived, the EMT’s had to pry Derek from Avery’s arms with promises that he would be allowed to visit him in the hospital. Eventually, they let Avery onto the ambulance with Derek, following his multiple stubborn claims of, “I’m going where he’s going. I’m not leaving. Not again.”
They didn’t question his wording.
Every few seconds on the bumpy ride, Avery would pinch his cheeks to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. For all he knew, this could be another cruel joke the universe decided to play on him.
“I am beyond human help.” D3rlord3 wrote. Yet, he was alive right now. Avery didn’t know if the hospital could help, nor was he sure either of them could comfortably cover the costs of whatever happened next, but Derek was alive. And if Derek was alive, Avery was alive.