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Their short interaction at Camp Jupiter had been too short for her to notice anything off about her brother. She'd assumed the frenzy he'd been in was because of his injury and distress in regards to the general situation. Him being so quick to tell her how much he missed her, just a lapse in judgement, because his mind had been all over the place.
She chides herself for thinking that way then. Her brother had always been quick to an extreme. Anger, love, grief. Over the top. Always handing out declarations of affection. Being caught in fits of rage.
But even then, she should have noticed the irreversible damage to her brothers psyche these trials had done. She thinks about how out of it he'd been, once he returned. How even the simple act of putting clothes on had overwhelmed him. How he'd looked at her for guidance, hoping she'd give him direction. When stepping into the throne room he'd hesitated just a moment too long before growing to fit on his throne.
She should've spoken to him about the fractures in his facade, not pushed it out off her mind, accepted it as part of her brother getting used to being back in his celestial body.
Watching her brother now felt like someone had pushed her in ice cold water to wake her. And oh how she'd awoken. It had always felt to her, like her brother was good at putting himself back together after a particular strong bout of emotion, whether anger or grief. But now she's forced to wonder if he'd ever actually had the chance to pick up the pieces he'd shattered into.
His eyes may still be as bright as the sun but they no longer feel warm. Although that's wrong. Their warmth isn't given out as freely anymore, it's still there, all encompassing, nurishing. She'd seen the way he'd fondly watched Reyna, Artemis' new hunter, find her place in her ranks, she'd seen the crows feet crinkle beside his eyes, heard the loud laugh, when Thalia had tripped and immediately had wolves by her side to lick her face while she sputtered.
Those moments didn't happen on Olympus anymore. Apollo didn't pick fights, didn't lash out towards the other gods, but she imagines it to have been more preferable if he'd done so. He approaches all of them with a detached diplomacy, like any personal feelings had been hidden inside a fortress, closely guarded.
It gives her pause, to think the last moments she'd seen her brother show vulnerability, even in the form of unbridled desperation, was in Camp Jupiter and then right before he'd been welcomed back to the Olympians. In quiet moments with her hunters she considers asking Thalia about it, if she'd be able to give insight to what it was that made her brother shatter. Satisfy the nagging in the back of Artemis' mind that she was missing a piece of the puzzle, one that made her feel insecure.
It felt disconcerting to her that her brother, the child she'd been the first to hold, became someone so different to the person she thought he was, the person she knew. He was her twin, as different as they were, they were a pair, one could not simply exist without the other, something she didn't like to think about, but knew all to well. She may be the hunter, but he was the craft that made it possible, the moon dimmed without the warmth of the sun.
Apollo had always been a known variable to her, their teasing rehearsed over millenia, their fighting styles adapted to the other in times of war, a fierce bond between two adapt hunters that came from experience, from having known each other for eternity. That variable was gone. No longer tangible to her, no comfort to be seeked in knowledge.
She wants to chastisise herself for being as affected by it as she is, but at the same time, she wants her brother back. She feels like scolding herself for missing something as clear as this, how her brother has cut himself off of them, all of them, not even her safe. Artemis misses her brother, but she cannot help but feel selfish for feeling that way. She remembers holding up the sky and knowing her brother would figure something out. Her loyal, idiot baby brother would move heaven and earth, would not leave her to be stuck here. And he did. He'd helped those on the quest on the right track.
She wonders if he'd put the same trust in her or if he'd felt like he'd be fending for himself. And it puts the sheer relief she'd felt come off of him, when she'd shown up in Camp Jupiter into perspective.
She feels cold, the warmth of the sun no longer something she was privy to. She hopes she'll one day regain the key to her brothers heart.